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Joined: 9/25/2007
Msg: 1
Boyfriend goes back to ex-wifePage 1 of 3    (1, 2, 3)
Dated a man for a few months and then he decided that he wanted to try to work things out with the ex-wife. I was shocked and hurt and now single again. I think that I can write the ending to this script....remember, we did divorce for a reason....she will be on her best behavior and then ...........what is your opinion? Have you ever experience this?
Joined: 9/19/2007
Msg: 2
Boyfriend goes back to ex-wife
Posted: 4/4/2008 7:49:26 PM
Maybe he's looking for closure, even though closure really is a girl thing. Once they are back together it probably won't last. The same patterns that caused them to divorce will come back into play. Then when it' ends again, it will be up to you how the script ends.

 Black velvet 46
Joined: 11/5/2007
Msg: 3
Boyfriend goes back to ex-wife
Posted: 4/4/2008 7:58:11 PM
Some people take those vows very seriously. Nothing wrong with him taking another shot at working things out. The chances of it working this time is a longshot, but longshots do come in every once in awhile.
Joined: 12/29/2007
Msg: 4
Boyfriend goes back to ex-wife
Posted: 4/4/2008 8:23:40 PM
He went back to his EX-wife, or he went back to his WIFE ?

What is our opinion about what ?

Do you really want to consider taking him back, when he finishes dating his NEW lover ?

He only told you he is going back to his WIFE, so it would leave the door open for him to come back to you on weekends, or when his girlfriend is at work... etc...

Isn't it time you look in the mirror and see what you NEED in your life, because NO ONE needs a parter like HIM.

ps: Get defensive all you want, but something in here MIGHT be true ?

Joined: 10/17/2005
Msg: 5
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Boyfriend goes back to ex-wife
Posted: 4/4/2008 8:31:04 PM
How long has he been separated/divorced from his wife? (I ask that because of the way you phrased your OP..."going back to the ex-wife"...most people don't usually do that, or at least you wouldn't be phrasing it that way, unless it was a fairly recent split).

I don't know how often those types of reconciliations work out, I guess it depends on the couple in question and their determination to make things work. But, if it's a recent split, I don't know of anyone who's really had a successful rebound relationship with a new partner right after a marriage breaks down, which is the gist I'm getting from your OP. Just my two cents.
Joined: 10/6/2007
Msg: 6
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Boyfriend goes back to ex-wife
Posted: 4/4/2008 8:55:38 PM
I've had this happen to me twice: Both felt that they needed to try again with their ex- wives for the sake of the kids ... I had no choice but to respect their decision & let go of them. Recently bumped into the first one from 10 years ago (ex fiance).... his life is full of "shoulda coulda woulda's" & "if he had only married me" ( but he is still married to her.)

Second one - same sad 'shoulda coulda woulda' story but I only dated him for 6 months. I've witnessed two going back to the ex-wifes, and I think they make it work as best they can - for as long as they can - in this type of situation.

Lucky you only dated him 2 months - relationship recovery has a 1/2 life - so if it's been 30 days go have some fun! And don't feel guilty about it!
Joined: 6/7/2007
Msg: 7
Boyfriend goes back to ex-wife
Posted: 4/4/2008 11:02:43 PM

Dated a man for a few months and then he decided that he wanted to try to work things out with the ex-wife.
.....The sad thing about these kind of situations is the fact that this man has more than likely been sleeping with both the OP as well as his ex wife. This guy just didn't wake up one morning and say to himself "I might return to my ex wife".....He must have been liaising with the ex and that to me says he has been deceiving both women.
Let him go he's not worth the hurt nor the drama.
Joined: 12/30/2007
Msg: 8
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Boyfriend goes back to ex-wife
Posted: 4/4/2008 11:09:57 PM
If he went back after being with you.... hes made you second choice..
dignity would say.. its over...

he sounds like he never stopped loving her..(quite often you see dynamics with ltr where once someone has left the other... only to find someone (you) have entered their territory.. they then decide they want them back.

its quite common and why alot of people avoid ....seperated... or recently divorced people...
unless its clear they are no longer talking/comparing about their ex non stop...
and are truly over them..

if someone is still in love with someone else..... never give your heart..
theres no room for loving you in their heart..
good luck in your future choices..
Joined: 3/13/2005
Msg: 9
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Boyfriend goes back to ex-wife
Posted: 4/4/2008 11:12:56 PM
Many try multiple times to reconcile and make it work.......that is very normal.

This is the part that can be difficult, so that is why many of us try to not date any that are separated, and only date those that have been divorced for years, not months.

OT......There is no reason to throw darts at anyone for this or accuse........maybe just let them go free and if meant, they will return, and if not, they were meant to be where they are.......

Just my opinion.......
Joined: 11/16/2004
Msg: 10
Boyfriend goes back to ex-wife
Posted: 4/5/2008 1:04:57 AM
When you date someone who has separated, especially in the first year of being apart, its not uncommon to return to their wife/husband. When people split from their partners after their marriage ends, they should spend time not dating and figuring out what they want in life. I know too many people who split and are in search for a warm body and someone to fill a temporary void.
I learned a long time ago, that being separated doesn't mean available or long term, since many factors are involved. If you think you're going in to have fun, be careful of your emotions don't get too involved, since the word casual doesn't mean the same thing to some people.
As for being hurt & single again, find a man who is single, emotionally, physically, sexually and spiritually available and wants the same thing as you do.
Don't take this separated former b/f back, it only teaches him, that he can repeat his habits and will do it over again.

Better luck next time
Joined: 3/16/2005
Msg: 11
Boyfriend goes back to ex-wife
Posted: 4/5/2008 1:08:24 AM
Yes, I have experienced that only last summer. I was dating a nice redhead gal in my local area. We were getting along great and getting intimate when all of a sudden she decides to dump me and take back her ex-boyfriend, a guy with no job, drug and alcohol dependancy and abuse problems. I did not have to do a lot of thinking to figure out what this was all about. She is a rescuer and would sooner try to rescue a loser than to be with a strong and independant man who can take care of both her and himself.
Don't waste time worrying about this guy, just move on and forget it. I hope you are not dumb enough to take him back if he returns.
Joined: 10/23/2005
Msg: 12
Boyfriend goes back to ex-wife
Posted: 4/5/2008 5:02:18 AM
Before I would enter into a relationship with a woman, I subtly try to figure out if they have 'anything there' for the ex-spouse.

I have seen many threads on 'dating' about first dates where 'all they talked about was the ex'....

Ask a few questions about the ex. If everytime I do, they seem to dettach and go meloncholy. I don't go anywhere near them.

Too, at the other end of the spectrum, if veins start popping out of their neck and forehead and every other word is a four letter word... I don't go there either.

Hopefully, their feelings and response will let you know.

A 'good' response would show little emotion and have an end point. If they go on and on and on about them ... BAD.

Similarly, if they bring them up all the time - bad also.

Sorry you experienced this. Personally, I wish that people that weren't over their ex's would be a bit more self-aware and not enter into dating until they were.
Joined: 3/1/2006
Msg: 13
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Boyfriend goes back to ex-wife
Posted: 4/5/2008 5:41:17 AM
op, how long did their marriage last? and did they have kids? these factors may play into his decision.

so, if you only dated the guy for a few months, you don't have the kind of emotional investment that you would if you stayed with him for years. he may not have even given you the chance to truly know him. and he obviously hasn't fully evolved into himself. he entered a relationship, albeit a brief one, while still harboring feelings for a past relationship.

concentrate on yourself and do things that make you smile. move forward, knowing that you learned from the experience. and know also that you deserve honor and respect. and appreciate the fact that you behaved honorably.
Joined: 8/16/2005
Msg: 14
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Boyfriend goes back to ex-wife
Posted: 4/5/2008 5:45:55 AM
OP, blame bad timing. I would agree with another reply that he might have been in contact with his ex without mentioning it to you. That's not necessarily bad, being in contact with an ex, because they might have business to finish. But it would be bad if he didn't tell you. Nobody makes decisions overnight unless the house burnt down and we need to move tomorrow.
I assume you didn't see any signs of him being still emotionally relating to his ex. Two months is too short, though I have experienced being in a first date with a guy who talked extensively about his ex wife. And then, in our second date... and.. till the final date. He didn't say anything nice about her at all. The fact that he trashed her in conversations with me was bad in itself. It also signaled that he was still attached to her, if nothing else, by hate and resentment. As they say, the best way to tell when we are really free from and ex, it's when we are indifferent.
I don't know if your ex b/f will reappear in your life, but I would be very cautious and question if this time is final, or just another 'time out' from his primary relationship.

Good luck
Joined: 6/23/2007
Msg: 15
Boyfriend goes back to ex-wife
Posted: 4/5/2008 6:00:28 AM
Sorry to hear that OP. Happens alot. Just remember Separated= Still Married.
Joined: 10/31/2007
Msg: 16
Boyfriend goes back to ex-wife
Posted: 4/5/2008 7:48:15 AM
Once again the hazzards of dating someone separated or newly divorces comes to rear its ugly head.

Hopefully you do not have to much time invested in this relationship, and it has been a learning experience.

I'm not faulting him for trying to make a relationship work...........but do it before you bring someone else into the picture......when you have exhausted all avenues for keeping a marriage intact then and only then move on.............
Joined: 12/29/2007
Msg: 17
Boyfriend goes back to ex-wife
Posted: 4/5/2008 8:18:52 AM
The simple rule that everyone ignores :

Do not date someone who is in a relationship !

Just because a person appears to live alone, and appears to be single, ALL separated and newly divorced people are still INVESTED in their old relationship.

SINGLE people have lived on their own for several years, and are not legally, emotionally or financially dependant.

ps: many people who are living with mommy and/or daddy, are emotionally and financially dependant.
pps: divorced doesn't mean single, but some divorced people are SINGLE.
Joined: 3/6/2007
Msg: 18
Boyfriend goes back to ex-wife
Posted: 4/5/2008 12:49:24 PM
This has happened to me more times than I care to admit. The thing is, an ex is an ex for a reason, and each and every one of them either has figured it out, or is in the process of figuring it out. Believe me, I completely understand the pain, and the last one managed to completely destroy that longing I use to feel of being in a relationship,
 Heart Bandit
Joined: 5/13/2006
Msg: 19
Boyfriend goes back to ex-wife
Posted: 4/5/2008 1:03:39 PM
That's a shame. He should not have even been dating since he obviously wasn't over his ex. I also believe that an ex is an ex for a reason. There is no way I would ever get back with an ex. Never have and never will.
Joined: 1/2/2008
Msg: 20
Boyfriend goes back to ex-wife
Posted: 4/5/2008 1:21:45 PM
My golden rule is never date or get involved with a guy who is not over his ex or ex's...there are POF in the ocean and in here....these men just need to learn to except their mistakes and move on or get professional help....sorry I don't buy their sad stories..
Joined: 10/29/2006
Msg: 21
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Boyfriend goes back to ex-wife
Posted: 4/5/2008 1:24:48 PM
Possibly his ex saw him happier when he had you and it scared her or made her jealous and she decided she wanted him back, people can be suckers for that. Then once you're out of the picture the same problems that they had before will surface and bam, they're broke up again. Once I was dating a new girl and my old girlfriend, who had put me through a fair amount of grief, came back in my life wanting to work things out. I was considering it and my best friend said "You don't have to stay with Cheryl, but whatever you do, don't go back to Sami. Never go back to a bad thing." Good advice, I should've picked a third one, because I stayed with Cheryl and that is my ex now. Live and learn. And the names are made up to protect the guilty.
Joined: 2/26/2007
Msg: 22
Boyfriend goes back to ex-wife
Posted: 4/5/2008 3:38:12 PM
Hey, isn't it amazing the thing that people do and say in the name of love.
Ya gotta love it.

Joined: 9/25/2007
Msg: 23
Boyfriend goes back to ex-wife
Posted: 4/6/2008 4:05:10 PM
I was with him for 5 months and he was divorced for about 2 years. He said that he had so much anger but always cared for her.

Yes, I agree that their was engaging converation without me having any idea.

The bottom line is, I will not be second to any man.

I appreciate all of your valuable and moving on!
Joined: 2/11/2007
Msg: 24
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Boyfriend goes back to ex-wife
Posted: 4/6/2008 4:07:53 PM
People tend to try to stick with what is familiar.
Joined: 9/25/2007
Msg: 25
Boyfriend goes back to ex-wife
Posted: 4/6/2008 4:09:29 PM
That is exactly what I figured out...........Thanks!
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