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 EphraimGlass
Joined: 3/18/2008
Msg: 3
what if your soul mate is NOT financial stablePage 1 of 15    (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10, 11, 12, 13, 14, 15)

Do you read literature such as Romeo and Juliet, watch movies such as The Titanic (true story by the way) or even Tombstone (Wyatt Earp) ? Do you see the common thread that true love and "soul mate" defy social economic classes ? Maybe you should look for a soul mate and friend and throw the shackles of your indoctrination in thinking that love is found only in financial stability or even in your own social economic class.


If that's your definition of true love, then I'm afraid that you're describing a fantasy or, at the very least, a statistical improbability. We call a married couple PARTNERS for a reason. Healthy marriages are unions of equals. This does not always mean that they will be of the same economic or social class, but shared class often indicates a host of shared experiences.

You ask, "Are you going to date the guy [gal] that works in the produce department at Walmart since [s]he was 18..." No, probably not. I doubt that person has been to college. Intellectual and educational equality are traits that are important to me in a romantic partnership. Likewise, people look for financial equality for a variety of reasons. Money can cause a lot of ill will. If your partner is financially unsound, that could lead to resentment. Furthermore, in some, but not all cases, financial woe is an indicator of irresponsible spending or an inability to keep a job. I don't think it's unreasonable to avoid either of those things.

Circumstances, as you say, can be alleviating factors. But just as there are extraordinary circumstances, so it might be necessary to make an extraordinary effort to overcome one's circumstances. Fair? Maybe not, but that's a fact of life.
 EphraimGlass
Joined: 3/18/2008
Msg: 4
what if your soul mate is NOT financial stable
Posted: 4/6/2008 11:16:45 PM

I think it's 'George Bush', not 'George Busch'


Such salient commentary! Your ideas are intriguing to me and I wish to subscribe to your newsletter.
 EphraimGlass
Joined: 3/18/2008
Msg: 8
what if your soul mate is NOT financial stable
Posted: 4/7/2008 1:29:56 AM


Actually, that's exactly what my nephew did when he was a freshman - in college, and it's what my daughter did when she was a freshman - in college.


Okay, some perspective is in order. I'm 26, so it might be reasonable for me to be dating somebody who currently works at WalMart (and has since they were 18) but is still working on college. The original poster was 39 years old, though. I'd be very concerned about somebody in that age bracket who'd spent ~20 years working at WalMart to pay for college.
 vaxplant
Joined: 6/19/2007
Msg: 9
what if your soul mate is NOT financial stable
Posted: 4/7/2008 2:14:02 AM
Speaking as someone who's "soulmate" wrecked my financial life to the point that I had financial issues. It's a deal-breaker.

There's only so many times you can have someone tell you they spent their paycheck, your paycheck, we're broke, and they have no idea how we'll make the mortgage payment and expect you to solve the issue with bubblegum and bailing-wire, before it becomes... untennable.

Everybody has hard times. Everyone has a run of bad luck sooner or later. Trust me when I say the ability to decipher a one off to a perpetual pattern is critical.
 carolann0308
Joined: 12/9/2006
Msg: 10
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what if your soul mate is NOT financial stable
Posted: 4/7/2008 3:42:42 AM
Since money problems are a major reason why couples fight, then it would be foolish to hook up with someone who's finances are a mess. My Ex couldn't keep a dollar to save his life, if he had it he spent it. Never again.
Soul mate? Usually a term used by couples that barely know each other, those kind of relationships burn out quickly.
 vaxplant
Joined: 6/19/2007
Msg: 11
what if your soul mate is NOT financial stable
Posted: 4/7/2008 4:08:43 AM
There's a difference between "priorities" and being able to cover the bare necessities.

If they can't cover rent/the mortgage yet still have all the toys - there's a problem.
If they can cover rent/the mortgage and THEN pick and choose which toys to have - that's a question of priorties.

Two completely different things. One's a matter of prefernce, the other is survival.

That being said, sometimes cash flow is positive, sometimes not. If I can afford to treat I do, if not - I let it be known well in advance so they can make their minds up. All of the best relationships I've been in are the ones where we alternated "treats" and "dutch" depending on our situations at the time. I pay, she pays, we do dutch, rinse and repeat. It tends to say a lot when both parties are willing to invest in it equally.
 Merrylass
Joined: 12/30/2007
Msg: 15
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what if your soul mate is NOT financial stable
Posted: 4/7/2008 7:46:35 AM
I did ignore someone's financial situation. I figured I was being too picky if I worried about the fact he had little money and few possessions of his own - and this was not a young guy. Well, he was an impulse spender; if he wanted something, that was all that mattered - whether or not we had the money for it. He didn't really try to take care of his possessions, either - his attitude was that he could always buy a new one if something broke or got lost. The concept of saving was foreign to him.

That wasn't the main reason we broke up but after that, I swore that I'd never again take up with a man who doesn't have at least two of home, job, car - and we need to have similar financial philosophies.

OP, I agree with the people who are saying there are things you can do to rectify your situation and that whining that women with money shouldn't ignore you won't fly. Oh, and quit believing movies and books are good sources of information about love. Read something like 'Relationships for Dummies'.
 Lucky_Vet
Joined: 3/27/2005
Msg: 17
what if your soul mate is NOT financial stable
Posted: 4/7/2008 9:37:49 AM
op, regardless of what is said, a man who cannot pull his own weight is judged differently than a woman.

This is nature, and perfectly normal.
 PaliPIMPn
Joined: 11/28/2007
Msg: 20
what if your soul mate is NOT financial stable
Posted: 4/7/2008 10:04:35 AM

Having just left MI I will tell you this...we bought a house 350K-and paid for it in 5 years....yes in this economy. Both cars were paid for and one is 2000 model and 2002 model. No we are not/were not executives-both of us made about 55K a year.


so you both make 55K...so together you make 110K....and after taxes i'm just estimating that you bring home over 83K. now please tell me how did you pay off a 350K house in 5 years??
 Boatguy109
Joined: 3/18/2008
Msg: 21
what if your soul mate is NOT financial stable
Posted: 4/7/2008 10:26:38 AM
I got to agree with troll doll.....Big difference between people who are going thru hard times but were still trying best to stay in thier means and hard times hit...I did mortage refinaces in early 200o years and I refused and avoided new home purchase mortgage purchases....Refi people were using equity to pay off bills and lower monthly debt getting thier house payment in better % bracket saving money......And I saw people going wow 5% house mortage purchases ...At 30k a year I could not afford a $300k house only $90K house monthly payment.....So they tried to jump from modest houses to Mansions on low interest rates and low income.....Out of thier league and banks were jumping all over it seeing big profits......Why I did refis in private business could help people pay off debts and prepare for future economy woes and not set yourself up for total all out failure of finances coming.......Was like wake up we in recession need to be smart and buckle down the hatchs and dig in for long haul not buy rediculiously out of your means.......So bottom line is people need mental paths in common to be couples.......The guy on the couch with no money because he does not like to work but wants a 200k house and the responsible woman who wants to save money and work on it together not ganna match up......I my book I date only people who have common sence values with money......If hard times hit not thier fault they were doing best and common sence with money...But if they are broke because they drink it away or just wanting sugar daddy......sorry looking for common sence partner in or out of hard times........If I did not look at common sence woman I would just be a pimp and buying a pretty face,,,,,LOL,,,,,,so its a common sence issue not a woman wanting money.....At least I hope so I am thinking right...because if I am not...thinking we all in dateing recession also and we all going down the tubes with the economy and personal lives!
 littleaudrey
Joined: 1/17/2008
Msg: 22
what if your soul mate is NOT financial stable
Posted: 4/7/2008 10:32:57 AM
Eh. I'm 23, my fiance is 26. I make 30k a year working at the local paper and he makes nil, being that he's a college student. Sure, I wish he made more (some?) money, but I believe that love doesn't see junk like that. So he's not a millionaire. He's not even a thousandaire. But he makes me feel like a billion dollars.
 Loras5
Joined: 1/1/2008
Msg: 23
what if your soul mate is NOT financial stable
Posted: 4/7/2008 10:40:13 AM
Obviously everyone wants to meet the perfect person (notice how I don't use the word soul mate!). That person would be "perfect" in all ways. If there is an issue with financial stability you have to look at the reasons behind it. Is it circumstance or an issue of their character. If the answer is circumstance and the person has had tough times and is doing everything they can to get out of it, then that shows me character and strength. It's very simple! Now if you are asking for financial stability because you are looking for that or don't want to "share" then you should not be in a relationship - that simple.
 Anokagrassland
Joined: 4/11/2007
Msg: 26
what if your soul mate is NOT financial stable
Posted: 4/7/2008 11:01:27 AM
Why are we picking on Walmart? They hire a lot of people at all levels. One of the few places left that a person can get hired at an entry level position and work there way up. There are plenty of college graduates working at Walmart. How would you run an organization that size without them?

I'd date a girl who was working there. Life isn't a straight line of increasing income and wealth accumulation. At least not for everybody. We're all in different places. None of us can really compare ourselves to anyone else. If you try to you'll drive yourself crazy.
 Boatguy109
Joined: 3/18/2008
Msg: 27
what if your soul mate is NOT financial stable
Posted: 4/7/2008 11:50:34 AM
well I have firm belief that if what money is someones thing.....what is definition of the level of money to be consistant.....I have found that the most wealthiest people end up being drunks, cheaters, self medicating lost soles.....Money like a drug.....To little of it and you feel like you don't fit in...To much of it and you can't stop thinking of it and wanting more......To many times have I seen people with least amount of money being the ones that never sold thier sole and heart for a buck and the ones I wanted to hang with.....They might be just getting by but they did not sell out to the world for a buck, power and ego.......They could could truly put themselves out there and say hey this is me ....They had people look at them for the real woman and not wallet or how much plastic surgery they were rich enough to have done....The sole and heart of a person should never be sold for a buck.......If ya do you will have big house nice cars and money but be only thing you got......without heart your focus will be on them things and no one will want to be around ya and you will die alone and be alone with the things that you cannot take with you when days are over.......But the heart effecting other people you display will gain other hearts and enjoyment along the voyage of life and even after!
 Reel Tyme
Joined: 7/16/2006
Msg: 34
what if your soul mate is NOT financial stable
Posted: 4/7/2008 1:19:22 PM
June Cleaver does not work at home anymore, she cant afford it. she goes to school, in some cases is a single mom who works and goes to school. and everything else that goes along with this day and age. I say "FAIR EXCHANGE MEANS NO ROBBERY!" Its the responsibility of both parties to be financially responsible. a man and a woman are two halves that make a whole.
But it is true that Financial stability helps to create stability in the other areas of life. and the guy in the produce department may just have his investments in order. i knew a janitor that ahd thousands when he retired. now he travels the world. i know people that have big careers that cannot afford to do the things he does. people lose their jobs and have things happen to them all the time. i am in school and have been on my job 8 years. but i want better and thats the key not settling for mediocracy. i too grew up bad situation. my mother or foster parents never taught me about debt and finances. i just saw struggle all my life. the key is to find someone that will share your vision.
KEEP YOU HEAD UP FRIEND!
 SueCat51
Joined: 8/11/2007
Msg: 36
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what if your soul mate is NOT financial stable
Posted: 4/7/2008 4:00:22 PM
Definition of soulmate: Soulmate (or soul mate) is a term sometimes used to designate someone with whom one has a feeling of deep and natural affinity, friendship, love, intimacy, sexuality, and/or compatibility.

A soulmate doesn't have to be your romantic partner. They could be your parents; siblings; friends;, etc. By the way, soulmates are HUMANS. Humans do make mistakes.

As far as losing your job, getting your house repo, trust me, that's happening to a whole lot of people in April 2008. A whole lot of middle class folks are one paycheck away from being homeless. I'd say that's financially unfortunate, and yes, their life is somewhat unstable at this point. It doesn't mean that someone isn't worthy of being in love and loving.

On the flip side of the coin, if someone is a gambler and gets their house repo, I'd say they are a financial idiot, and perhaps are better off being alone, than dragging someone down with them.
 Capitano_Blaugh
Joined: 3/18/2008
Msg: 37
what if your soul mate is NOT financial stable
Posted: 4/7/2008 4:32:58 PM
I love it, OP....

The whole soulmate thing is such crap.

Today's Soul Mate = Tomorrow's Sole Turd from my experience.

I've been called a SoulMate a couple of times and had both women cheat on me and dump me like so much refuse when the new guy came along.
 Capitano_Blaugh
Joined: 3/18/2008
Msg: 41
what if your soul mate is NOT financial stable
Posted: 4/7/2008 5:52:04 PM

Then he won't be my soulmate.


Ergo, soulmates have nothing to do with soul.
 ItsMargo
Joined: 4/24/2007
Msg: 42
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what if your soul mate is NOT financial stable
Posted: 4/7/2008 6:21:48 PM
Maybe I have a bad attitude, but I have a hard time not cringing over the notion of "soulmate."

If there is such a thing, I can't imagine how it would have ANYTHING to do with finances.
 Indigo rose
Joined: 3/17/2007
Msg: 43
what if your soul mate is NOT financial stable
Posted: 4/7/2008 6:35:20 PM
Originally I was born with four arms, four legs, and a single head made of two faces, but Zeus feared my power and split me in half, condemning me to spend my life searching for the other half to complete me...so anyhoo time is running out I might have to get with him next time around.
As far as financially stable goes, I don't care what he has as long as he doesn't expect me to bankroll his beer habit. Crap I would even set my sights on a teacher...and you know they don't make nuttin'
 Capitano_Blaugh
Joined: 3/18/2008
Msg: 44
what if your soul mate is NOT financial stable
Posted: 4/7/2008 6:49:12 PM

Crap I would even set my sights on a teacher...and you know they don't make nuttin'




Not only don't they make nuttin', they don't know nuttin' either and I don't know that fer a fac'.....

 WesternRose
Joined: 1/14/2008
Msg: 45
what if your soul mate is NOT financial stable
Posted: 4/7/2008 7:11:47 PM
Not looking for my soulmate.
Did the Romeo and Juliette thing.... got kicked out of my family home and considered 'dead' to them when I fell for Romeo.
Did the 'Titanic' thing with Romeo....it almost killed me.

Romeo drove us to bankruptcy 3 times and I stuck with him...I took the vows seriously.... no more...could not take selfish, self-centered Romeo.... left.
Paid him off....and left.

it was more a Rocky Horror Picture Show thing happenin.... or Frankenstein... I take some responsibilty to creating this monster.
 Indigo rose
Joined: 3/17/2007
Msg: 46
what if your soul mate is NOT financial stable
Posted: 4/7/2008 7:13:38 PM
I would settle for mentally and emotionally stable over financial.
As I am stable (ha!!)...I do show marvelous resistance .. if they do manage to get me tipped over I always return to my upright position after having been heeled.
Oh and I don't have squat so soul-mate will have to bankroll my beer habit..lucky him I don't drink much...beer that is
 CoolBreezez
Joined: 8/20/2006
Msg: 47
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what if your soul mate is NOT financial stable
Posted: 4/7/2008 7:22:06 PM
Guess it depends on the people involved.

I know for myself that the person I would be mature, be able to hold a job and keep a roof over their head (rented or owned).

If you work hard at saving for a while, your life can be more comfortable and lower stress. I like being able to buy things now when ever I like and not worry about how to pay for it. If you don't have your finances in order, your don't own your possessions- they own you. And the banks, credit card companies and pay day check cashing companies own you too. I like my freedom to much now. Everything I have including the small house and truck are paid for. If times got tough now I could live on less and still be able to live.

I live within my means and would expect my "soul mate" or whatever to do so as well. Money doesn't buy happiness- but having one less thing to worry about can help.
 packagedealx3
Joined: 2/4/2006
Msg: 49
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what if your soul mate is NOT financial stable
Posted: 4/7/2008 8:20:54 PM
There is a difference between someone that has experienced some financial difficulty due to a set of circumstances he may have had little control over and someone that has chronic money problems because he is irresponsible, spends beyond his means, can't hold a job or many other reasons that will destroy an otherwise healthy relationship over time.

I don't think there are soulmates. I think there are some people we have an extraordinary connection with but I do not think there is one person that we are suited to and no one else. Some of us live in the real world where we have to pay bills and take care of our children so hooking up with another mouth to feed is not my idea of mated souls.
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