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Show ALL Forums  > Over 45  > When does it change from dating to a relationship?      Home login  
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 justwant2no
Joined: 11/14/2007
Msg: 2
When does it change from dating to a relationship?Page 1 of 4    (1, 2, 3, 4)
I consider it to be a relationship when it is considered to be mutually exclusive and there is the mutual desire to 'take it to the next level' so to speak. Dating is when there is an invitation to 'go out' - with a date having a beginning and an end. You know it's a relationship when you feel the need to let your SO know when you make plans that DON'T include them.
 rearguard*2
Joined: 2/8/2008
Msg: 3
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When does it change from dating to a relationship?
Posted: 4/16/2008 6:42:23 AM
Its a relationship as soon as you know each other's names. Its a serious relationship when you have felt the need to see the other for a second date. It stops being "dating" when you have mutual expectations that the suggestion of further time together holds not concern of rejection. It stops being a relationship when the depth of feeling stops growing, or take a negative turn.

In Canada, you don't have to worry about all this as the tax man sends you a letter saying that you are in a relationship and not longer qualify for benefits, or must pay additional taxes. Really makes things simple.
 HarleyKat~
Joined: 3/30/2008
Msg: 6
When does it change from dating to a relationship?
Posted: 4/16/2008 7:46:05 AM
Well, if the "date" evolves into more than once...then it IS a "relationship" of sorts, is it not? I mean, there are all types of relationships...the ones we have socially, with colleagues, family, friends, etc.

But when two people decide and discuss that it will be exclusive between the two of them...then it is an official romantic relationship.
 fancynanci
Joined: 8/21/2007
Msg: 10
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When does it change from dating to a relationship?
Posted: 4/16/2008 10:41:12 AM
A relationship is like a flower...it needs to grow. It starts off like a seed in the earth (the first date) and with loving care, if you nurture it, it will grow into a relationship.
 itechman63
Joined: 7/7/2005
Msg: 11
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When does it change from dating to a relationship?
Posted: 4/16/2008 10:43:33 AM
This is a good question. I don't recall when the lightbulb went on as my past serious relationships crossed into just that. It's just been my experience that they just progress to that.
 MacKevinized
Joined: 2/15/2006
Msg: 12
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When does it change from dating to a relationship?
Posted: 4/16/2008 10:48:22 AM
I assume by 'relationship' you mean an exclusive arrangement between 2 people where they agree/assume there will be no other people entering into the sexual relationship.

Obviously not the case for some of the posters in here.

For those that want an exclusive monogamous relationship it's when they agree to and feel safe doing the 'deed'.
For those that want multiple partners, the dating part never end. They will need a steady supply of new recruits as someone will always feel left out when they want to do the deed and the person they are in a 'relationship' with is doing it with another.

For commitment phobics it's never a relationship but they want the sex anyway.

Ultimately it's when 2 people agree it is.
 rearguard*2
Joined: 2/8/2008
Msg: 13
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When does it change from dating to a relationship?
Posted: 4/16/2008 10:52:12 AM

some people tend to assume that if I, *a woman*, have sex with someone, that I'm now their girlfriend and that we're now in a relationship


Wow! How limited can such people be? I mean, myself, *a man*, having the gall to presume that the woman I am sleeping with has a relationship with me!

Duh! Even a FB (FWB, FF, or whatever) has a relationship with you. May not be the same as one that ends up lasting for decades, but its a relationship, and you are definitely in it. How you manage it is another question. There is this female postal agent that fills super-boxes in Kanata from her truck. I have never met her, and I can therefore say we are not in a relationship of any kind.

Values/morals/judgments/religious beliefs are not relevant to whether a relationship exists. Feelings and interactions are. All those other things simply constrain/distort/enhance/prohibit/define the nature of the relationship. Its the people themselves that use those tools to manage their relationships.
 ~Scoundrel~
Joined: 10/1/2006
Msg: 14
When does it change from dating to a relationship?
Posted: 4/16/2008 11:42:25 AM
There are many kinds of relationships. I have a relationship with the man at 7-11 that sells me cigarettes. It's more than strangers, but less than friends.

However, if you're asking about an exclusive, one on one, sexual relationship, we have to talk about that and state our intentions. Something like "hey, do you want to go steady?"
 rearguard*2
Joined: 2/8/2008
Msg: 16
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When does it change from dating to a relationship?
Posted: 4/16/2008 12:29:01 PM
Sorry, if a woman is sharing my bed, she is a girlfriend. Possibly only 1 of many, but definitely a girlfriend. What other labels are available? Enemy? Girl Stranger? Professional Woman? I don't think that FB or its varieties would ever be hung by me on a woman who I slept with. I have to respect a woman to have sex with her.

This is JMO, but then, everything I write is JMO. Otherwise, someone else would have written it, now wouldn't they? I do find the idea that someone would be expounding other peoples opinion in this kind of a forum somewhat absurd.
 ankkka
Joined: 8/29/2007
Msg: 17
When does it change from dating to a relationship?
Posted: 4/16/2008 3:19:21 PM
To recapitulate...
a man over 50 likes:
-good meal...
-a 40 inch flat screen TV...
-sex...

Now I'm really confused...

what is his number one?
 ankkka
Joined: 8/29/2007
Msg: 18
When does it change from dating to a relationship?
Posted: 4/16/2008 3:20:57 PM
Ooops...I mix up!
 rearguard*2
Joined: 2/8/2008
Msg: 19
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When does it change from dating to a relationship?
Posted: 4/16/2008 6:42:38 PM
Ankka: Number 1 is a good meal, of course. Men will suffer through watching the came on a 40 inch TV, and even make love to you after the game, if you insist, as long as they get a good meal in there somewhere. On the other hand, no amount of sex in front of a 40 inch TV will keep a man from missing his mother's home cooking.
 Chagal116
Joined: 11/8/2007
Msg: 23
When does it change from dating to a relationship?
Posted: 4/17/2008 12:37:41 AM
I Would consider dating becomming a relationship when a man asks a woman to be in an exclusive,committed, manogomous relationship, and the woman agrees. At this point the two dating people are now exclusive and have intimacy. Living together may be the next step. you do not have to be living together for the dating to become a relationship.
 rearguard*2
Joined: 2/8/2008
Msg: 24
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When does it change from dating to a relationship?
Posted: 4/17/2008 5:16:07 AM

I Would consider dating becomming a relationship when a man asks a woman to be in an exclusive,committed, manogomous relationship


I have to say that even although I have been in several long term relationships, that I have never felt the need to actually ask a woman t be exclusive, committed, monogamous, etc. I have never been ask that either. Feelings, understanding, communication at all levels always made me aware of the status of things without the need for formal declarations or interrogations. We just knew that was the way it was and the way it had to be.

I think that if you have to ask, then you probably shouldn't and just move on.
 rearguard*2
Joined: 2/8/2008
Msg: 25
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When does it change from dating to a relationship?
Posted: 4/17/2008 7:36:41 AM
There are lots out there that don't see one on one as anything but a serious limitation of the human experience. Historically, one on one is a relatively recent formalism of the western culture, largely related to property rights, something that has no relationship with human emotions or behaviour. One can even view it as a form of repression, especially of females.

On the other hand, the stable reproductive couple phenomenon is well manifest in all places world wide for all kinds of reasons, being somewhat easier to handle on a daily basis being, in my view, one of the most important ones.

The one man many wives option seen throughout the world, and evident in the west as part of some religious and social groups, has a significant economic base as its origin, and once the parties escape from western political correctness, appear to be quite satisfied with such relationships. One hears less, however, about manifestations of one woman many many husbands or consorts, although in the famous cases reported in history, these people appear to have enjoyed life as well.

Of course, I am aware of media reports about "abused" females who are "rescued" from these situations, a lot of times by force and subsequent exposure to various forms of "re-education". Again, this is in my view not related to the emotional dynamics that must occur in these relationships, and which are natural expressions of what we humans are. In a third of the world, or more, the one on one idea just doesn't exist. In the west, if you don't subscribe, the moral authorities can be expected to react with negative vibrations.
 MacKevinized
Joined: 2/15/2006
Msg: 26
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When does it change from dating to a relationship?
Posted: 4/17/2008 8:23:13 AM

This is simply not true. It's a blanket statement that you're assuming applies for everyone who chooses to be non-monogamous. I take particular offense to "They will need a steady supply of new recruits..."


If a man chose to declare they want multiple partners here there would be all kinds of flack flying around about him being a player.

I know a guy that does believe in multiple partners and used to have a slogan "Never let one woman get you down, it takes 3 or more."
He spent years cultivating his lines to attract multiple partners and lots of money keeping them entertained. His justification was they all knew about each other.
Well, all his women found guys that would give them more attention than he was able to and he eventually came to the conclusion he should only go after crazy women that 'needed' his attention and has succeeded in finding 2 that put up with his reasonings. They are both crazy and now he complains he's got 3 times the problems of guys in monogamous relationships. The 2 women he lives with (they live 200 miles apart) and trying to find others.


I don't ever feel "the need for new recruits", and I can't believe anyone would even say such a thing, to be honest. The plain and simple truth is I don't have even ONE partner with whom I share all the intimacy of a full relationship...and I'm STILL polyamorous. I don't need to "recruit" someone so that I've always got a full stable....


I see you're still recruiting and think it will be interesting to know if your multiple partners will have multiple partners that have multiple partners.
I see your polyamorous theories aren't working in a practical application. Quite like the other people I've known that attempt it.
 rearguard*2
Joined: 2/8/2008
Msg: 27
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When does it change from dating to a relationship?
Posted: 4/17/2008 8:51:29 AM
Many years back an Arab guy once told me that when you have 4 wives, by the time you get home from the office they have spent the day plotting against you. You are better off with only one, as she has no immediate help in developing her strategies. Its MUCH harder to keep ahead of 4 than it is to keep ahead of only 1 woman, and even that is difficult.
 *mae* flowers
Joined: 1/15/2006
Msg: 32
When does it change from dating to a relationship?
Posted: 4/19/2008 10:01:56 AM

It's actually a very difficult question to answer. While I can't explain to you what porn is, I know it when I see it. Same with a relationship.



...Oh thats funny......let me try................Its also like not knowing where someone lives but knowing how to get there?


...maeflowers
 Beaugrand®™©
Joined: 3/24/2008
Msg: 33
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When does it change from dating to a relationship?
Posted: 4/19/2008 11:56:50 PM
It becomes a relationship when I allow her to drive my car. It's not that it's such a great car (it's a 16 year old Buick), or that I have great sentimental attachment); it's a matter of trust. There are probably other indicators but that's the one I would notice first.
 cds0688
Joined: 4/15/2008
Msg: 34
When does it change from dating to a relationship?
Posted: 4/20/2008 9:56:03 AM
Guess I'm old fashioned, I only date one at a time. Also sex does not make it a relationship, it is one of those things that when you are dating helps to determine if you are compatible for it to become a "relationship".
 ters
Joined: 7/21/2008
Msg: 41
When does it change from dating to a relationship?
Posted: 7/28/2008 3:40:22 PM
As soon as you actually.......... look, into each others eyes.................
 Moonchild51
Joined: 3/11/2007
Msg: 42
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When does it change from dating to a relationship?
Posted: 7/28/2008 9:16:16 PM
Ummm? When he asks me to wash his shorts? I guess if I get there, I will just "know" much the same as he will.

And now back to our regularly scheduled program!!!!
 MelloDLyn
Joined: 10/25/2004
Msg: 44
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When does it change from dating to a relationship?
Posted: 7/28/2008 10:36:22 PM
It is dating until the two of u openly discuss that it is more. Some people just date around and others like to be in one on one relationships.
 Chagal116
Joined: 11/8/2007
Msg: 45
When does it change from dating to a relationship?
Posted: 7/29/2008 12:10:32 AM
I've noticed that the guys are in favor of not discussing, and the ladies are more towards the discussing....There has to be some talk to be on the same page. If your dating you may be getting to know more then one person at the same time thus one could not assume you are exclusive untill someone brings it up. Frankly I don't have to date someone for very long to know if it's friend or boyfriend. However and I say again I would not make the mistake an assume I was in an exclusive relationship if no one asks or says anything.
 smhrgs3000
Joined: 7/7/2008
Msg: 46
When does it change from dating to a relationship?
Posted: 7/30/2008 11:30:43 AM
I'm finding it interesting that the majority of Canadians seem to take nothing for granted until discussed, and mutually agreed upon, while we Yanks (especially the ladies) tend to make far more assumptions, and have far more unspoken expectations.
After growing up in Kansas, traveling for decades including two years in Canada, I'm confused, LMAO.
Never assume, without first discussing, and aggreeing.
Show ALL Forums  > Over 45  > When does it change from dating to a relationship?