Notice: Forums will be shutdown by June 2019

To focus on better serving our members, we've decided to shut down the POF forums.

While regular posting is now disabled, you can continue to view all threads until the end of June 2019. Event Hosts can still create and promote events while we work on a new and improved event creation service for you.

Thank you!

Plentyoffish dating forums are a place to meet singles and get dating advice or share dating experiences etc. Hopefully you will all have fun meeting singles and try out this online dating thing... Remember that we are the largest free online dating service, so you will never have to pay a dime to meet your soulmate.
     
Show ALL Forums  > Single Parents  > when should you introduce a new partner to your children?      Home login  
 AUTHOR
 HarleyKat~
Joined: 3/30/2008
Msg: 4
when should you introduce a new partner to your children?Page 1 of 3    (1, 2, 3)
Aw heck, if there is already that many, what's one more? LOL

I think a lot of this depends on the AGE of your children...14 months...pretty young still...so being vaguely introduced, like as he picked you up or brought you home, would be o.k...but actually being IN the child's life on a regular basis...I would suggest waiting until you feel confident that it is a long term, exclusive relationship.

And NO over nights, in my opinion! Save those for the times when you get kid-free time or you can stay at HIS place.
 wanderbaby
Joined: 9/4/2006
Msg: 10
view profile
History
when should you introduce a new partner to your children?
Posted: 4/16/2008 4:21:26 PM
everyone has their preference. You can always introduce your kids to the date as friends and leave it at that for awhile til you see the relationship going further, in that time, there shouldn't be affectionate touches, or kisses. I think it's hard to predict whether a relationshp will last long or short.
 Virgo_68
Joined: 4/12/2008
Msg: 14
when should you introduce a new partner to your children?
Posted: 4/17/2008 8:41:16 PM
I have met this wonderfull woman,we both have kids (12&13)we have been seeing /chatting each other for 4 months now.We think it should be when you are both comfortable enough with each other,then just go with the flow.If they are old enough,they will understand.
 packagedealx3
Joined: 2/4/2006
Msg: 17
view profile
History
when should you introduce a new partner to your children?
Posted: 4/18/2008 7:27:17 PM
Tpot makes some good points. I have made a mistake introducing my children too early but as others have noted, at the time, I thought we were headed toward permanency. My kids are fine and don't feel that I introduced him when I should not have, just as they have seen that some guys have stayed in my life as friends.

I fully agree that kids learn that people go in an out of our lives. People do not sit and wonder, should I let the kids meet Sally. We are getting to be friends but if she becomes a fixture in their lives, will my friend's absence tear them to bits if we have a falling out? No, you just integrate the person into your life.

We also have an opportunity to show our children that we do not have to pick the wrong person, as well as the fact that things sometimes do not work out, it doesn't make either party bad. If they see how we navigate the dating waters, they are better equipped to pick the right person the first time. If we show them that we have no life other than them and they do not see positive relationships between adults, they will be floundering around the dating world like we did.

Be sensible. Initially, as Harley said, you introduce when being picked up. Maybe after he is around a while you go to the zoo or some activity with a finite beginning and end. If things are still good X amount of time down the road, he can be around your child more. Young children get attached easily so you do have to be cautious but they also adjust fairly easily when someone is no longer in their life whether it is an X of their parent or when one of their friends moves away or changes schools.
 ~JustSimplyMe~
Joined: 8/18/2006
Msg: 20
view profile
History
when should you introduce a new partner to your children?
Posted: 4/21/2008 8:41:07 AM

when should you introduce a new partner to your children?


Never. The kids don't need to know, and the 'partner' doesn't need to be exposed to rotten children.

geez whenever YOU feel comfortable. It's not that big of a decision.
My kids met my bf on like the third date. I met his DD on the second. We had a bunch of family dates and everyone and everything has turned out fine.
 arwen52
Joined: 3/13/2008
Msg: 33
view profile
History
when should you introduce a new partner to your children?
Posted: 7/24/2008 11:56:48 AM

Do a thread search -- there are 1,742 threads on this very same topic!

I did and only found three. Perhaps I didn't know how to search for it properly.

I'm wondering the same thing and wonder if it makes any difference if the person is the custodial parent or if the age of the child makes any difference. I've just started seeing a guy who is the noncustodial parent of a 13 year old girl. I've heard some people say you shouldn't introduce your potential partner to your children for at least 6 months and only if you feel like the relationship is going to become permanent. The thinking is that it is unfair for the children to have the instability of someone like that coming & going in their lives. It hasn't come up as an issue for me yet since we've just started seeing each other. Since this is the first guy I've met that I feel has some long term potential, I'm starting to think about it.
 arwen52
Joined: 3/13/2008
Msg: 34
view profile
History
when should you introduce a new partner to your children?
Posted: 7/24/2008 3:57:16 PM

I like to meet the kids early. The way a guy treats his kids is a huge indicator as to how he might treat me.
Remember -- a breakup is between the adults, NOT the children. Friends come and go throughout our lives -- how many best friends did you (or your kids) have in the first grade?????


I can tell by the way this guy talks about his daughter that they get along well. Also, he has a cooperative relationship with the mother. Both of those speak well to me.

I disagree with the second statement. Children do get unnecessarily hurt when an adult that they become close to suddenly leaves their lives because of their parent's breakup. Yes, people come and go but to subject them to more of this than is necessary seems cruel. Children are expected to be the ones to adapt to their parents' problems. They are the ones shuffled back & forth from one residence to another. I recently heard of a judge who required the parents to live in different places, each one taking turns "visiting" while the children were allowed to stay in the same house they'd lived in all along. He felt that the children's lives should be disrupted as little as possible, that their parents' divorce was trauma enough and that the parents, not the children, should be the ones inconvenienced. I thought he had a good idea.
 TheVoiceWithin
Joined: 6/29/2008
Msg: 35
view profile
History
when should you introduce a new partner to your children?
Posted: 7/24/2008 5:38:05 PM
Maybe it is just me, and my experience...but until I know that things have good potential to go somewhere there will be no introducing my children to anyone. You have to be so careful with children, they are very sensitve to everything that goes on in their parents lives, and affected by the choiced parents make. The children and I are indeed a package, however...their mental and physical well-being is paramount in any decisions I make.
Show ALL Forums  > Single Parents  > when should you introduce a new partner to your children?