Plentyoffish dating forums are a place to meet singles and get dating advice or share dating experiences etc. Hopefully you will all have fun meeting singles and try out this online dating thing... Remember that we are the largest free online dating service, so you will never have to pay a dime to meet your soulmate.
     
Show ALL Forums  > Over 45  > Easier or harder to experience heartbreak as we get older      Home login  
 AUTHOR
 cds0688
Joined: 4/15/2008
Msg: 4
Easier or harder to experience heartbreak as we get olderPage 1 of 7    (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7)
I think it might be harder. I ended my marraige of 18 years (too much alcohol, not on my part). But my next relationship was over 5 1/2 years. One week she talked about the timing of when we should finally get married, 3 weeks later told me she loved me but "not in love with me". Had wanted me to stay in her house while I was in school but after couple months was just too uncomfortable for both of us and I moved out. We're still friends, talk maybe once a week on the phone, I ask how her daughter is who's 14 (I'd been in her life since 8) and we see each other at work sometimes (she's a nurse where I work currently). It's been quite awhile but I still miss her many times, so yeah maybe when it comes out of nowhere it hurts even more, when you thought things were pretty good, normal ups and downs and then wham.
 breath~
Joined: 1/13/2008
Msg: 5
Easier or harder to experience heartbreak as we get older
Posted: 4/24/2008 1:14:24 PM


In my opinion... easier.
 GeneralizingNow
Joined: 10/10/2007
Msg: 7
Easier or harder to experience heartbreak as we get older
Posted: 4/24/2008 1:38:44 PM
I think for me its easier, but only because I don't "fall" as easily/quickly any more [if at all]. I guard my heart BEFORE the inevitable [in my head] heartbreak. Sucks getting old, huh?
 WomanInProgress
Joined: 10/16/2005
Msg: 9
Easier or harder to experience heartbreak as we get older
Posted: 4/24/2008 1:51:26 PM
^^^I'm with Cassa - easier to fish your heart out of the abyss if you don't walk so close to the edge, or you send it down with a safety rope so you can yank it back when things don't look healthy.

I'm not over 45, but I am almost 40 - I'm practicing. How did I do?

Actually I found this in new threads and didn't catch the forum category. Oops!
 rearguard*2
Joined: 2/8/2008
Msg: 12
view profile
History
Easier or harder to experience heartbreak as we get older
Posted: 4/24/2008 2:18:00 PM
I think it all depends on the depth of the connection. The deeper the cut, the more the pain. Only thing better about experience is you know that you will get over it, eventually. Oddly, the first time you don't have that perspective. The first cut is the deepest.....
 winernotreally
Joined: 10/15/2007
Msg: 14
Easier or harder to experience heartbreak as we get older
Posted: 4/24/2008 2:30:51 PM
I don't think its 'guarding' your heart with walls built up around, so much...think its more like 'speed bumps', in my case. Now-a-days, I just ssllooowww way down, take my time....heck, I'm not in much of a hurry, anyhow.

When I feel I can trust that 'friend', then I might take a little 'test drive' in my brain. See how that feels....then I can feel comfortable bringing up a discussion with the object of my interest.

And, sure, rejection can be painful, depending on how much emotion is given. It does get easier to deal with, though.
 SandyB1957
Joined: 7/22/2007
Msg: 19
Easier or harder to experience heartbreak as we get older
Posted: 4/24/2008 4:23:41 PM
For me I would say its harder. You think that maybe you have fianlly found the right one after all theses years and then BAM its over You do pick yourself up and move up but the thought of maybe never finding the last partner to love is still in the back of your mind .... Just my thoughts
 Beaugrand®™©
Joined: 3/24/2008
Msg: 25
view profile
History
Easier or harder to experience heartbreak as we get older
Posted: 4/24/2008 5:49:45 PM
Death is an event that happens on a specfic date, at a specific time, and it's a very formalized event, as far the bureacracies in our lives are concerned. The doctor notes time of death, obituaries are published announcing the death (or,in some cases, commemorating the life of the deceased), Social Security begins or ends payment of benefits.
Grieving over the death of a loved one can begin almost immediately, and the emotions begin to heal.

Betrayal by a lover or divorce from a spouse aren't so precisely defined. When did the bertrayal happen? How long has this gone on? Was (s)he doing this (act of betrayal) while I/we were doing (signifigant activity in our lives)?
Betrayal has no clear beginning and end; it doesn't even end after the relationship has "formally" ended ("[S]he STILL sleeps with that [third "homewrecker" party]).

It has been my experience that death of a loved one is far easier for me to cope with than the betrayal of a trusted partner, and it hasn't gotten easier with age.
 rearguard*2
Joined: 2/8/2008
Msg: 26
view profile
History
Easier or harder to experience heartbreak as we get older
Posted: 4/24/2008 7:13:10 PM
Indeed, its not personal. We men are just plain rotten. Its part of our nature. Deep down inside we cherish and respect women, its just that the flesh is weak, and we are born without a conscious where women are concerned. The fact that we sometimes appear to be honest, faithful and true is merely a species adaption to ensure survival of the human race.
 tableguy
Joined: 11/12/2007
Msg: 27
Easier or harder to experience heartbreak as we get older
Posted: 4/24/2008 9:29:44 PM
I think its up to individual and the people they surround themselves with. First, its a realization that its over and second its a matter of how long you dwell on the matter You realize that lifes goes on and there are sites like this one.Again, if your friends or relatives keep on dwelling on your losses, the pain will go on.But if those same people encourage you to move on. go out etc, the pain will diminish.This can probably happen at any age and we need someone to help us get over the hurt.
 Ms Tude
Joined: 3/7/2008
Msg: 28
Easier or harder to experience heartbreak as we get older
Posted: 4/24/2008 11:20:10 PM
Pain hurts no matter what age your are.
 Dancing_4_You
Joined: 1/21/2006
Msg: 35
view profile
History
Easier or harder to experience heartbreak as we get older
Posted: 4/25/2008 3:53:26 PM
it's been the same botttom line. not so needy, but also dreams start to fade or at least your hope. i feel my feelings, do not let them fester, if necessary feel them all over again the next day---slowly i heal and slowly i move on. my higher power connection is strong and when i make new friends and keep busy, i feel really great! the dream of living with and growing old with someone is one big question mark for me. i believe it will be revealed in good time. i used to worry about getting older, but i'm pretty feisty and something is always a "life offering" going on for me.

just ride the tides and be open and do not build walls. unless you are rapunzel!
 SueCat51
Joined: 8/11/2007
Msg: 36
view profile
History
Easier or harder to experience heartbreak as we get older
Posted: 4/25/2008 4:01:08 PM
It seems heartbreak is the same, no matter what age you are. It just plum hurts. The good thing about getting older is when it comes to heartbreak, you may have "alzheimers" or "some-timers" and tend to forget the heart break.

OP - to love and be loved is the greatest joy in the world. It beats what we define "success". I've been divorced since 1987 (10 years of marriage - no kids). I'll always have a warm spot for my ex hubby. He died in 1996 @ age 39 of a heart attack. Even to this day, I still have dreams about the 2 of us. Not daily (thankfully), but once in awhile. I still keep in touch with his family.

It's so different to be "widowed" versus "rejected". Neither feels good, but I think for the most part, when one becomes widowed, the marriage is on fairly solid ground. I'd believe that as a surviving spouse, one would view life as "short". Therefore, any future relationships, it would be more "quality", more "caring", more "special". Whereas those of us from the "reject" pile, at times it's tough to get over the hurt. One's heart becomes cynical from time to time.

I really think it comes down to how a relationship ends: death or divorce/break-up can make a difference. More so, how we react to it.
 Dancing_4_You
Joined: 1/21/2006
Msg: 37
view profile
History
Easier or harder to experience heartbreak as we get older
Posted: 4/25/2008 7:15:03 PM
hmmm. i'm sure many have seen the day when they thought everything would be "over", they'd be on the streets, w/o a job, all alone, et al et al. i remember once, in a very influential position, worrying about whether i could learn to flip a hamburger at mc D's (both technically and spiritually, as i was not a meat eater!). thinking that was rather strange of me, ms bigshot, i confessed it to another big shot. that person shared almost the same exact fear, except theirs was at kentucky fried chicken and did not think the cash register would be masterable. so, time went by, had lots of boarders but a roof over my head. when i became disabled, they tried to not give me my insurance....but i was tenacious (and correct) and a year later, i got to pay off all my bills--the attorney told me i had no case or at least could not win against the big boys.

if you are true to yourself and the world, life will unfold. no job (but i have my disability and volunteer whenever i am able, in between adopting my teens), still a house over my head, and in a relationship that is not what i envisioned, but when i think it will not evolve, it does when i least expect it.

live your life. be true to yourself and others. get out of the house. do service. time heals heartbreak. i hate to say it, but you'll probably have many more--tucked amidst the joy!
 virgogidget
Joined: 11/10/2005
Msg: 42
view profile
History
Easier or harder to experience heartbreak as we get older
Posted: 4/26/2008 4:19:59 AM
Pain is pain reguardless of age
 Dancing_4_You
Joined: 1/21/2006
Msg: 44
view profile
History
Easier or harder to experience heartbreak as we get older
Posted: 4/26/2008 2:07:09 PM
well , redarcangel, in keeping with this thread topic: i'm not sure a younger person could have handled the "heartbreak "attached to my kids story.

as to being disabled, i'll answer your question and hope it is not too "off topic": you have to show competency and ability to take care of adopted children. if you are just a foster parent, the criteria is way less stringent and many in this day and age, are still doing it for the money, i am sad to say. mine were the worst case trauma situation many had seen. they were also pre- teens when i first got involved and i also got into the racial/ethnic rivalries amongst the different social workers as my kids cross two different constituencies and i'm not one of either. but my multi-cultural background spoke for itself and my kids wanted to be with me and my ex (at that time). i am quick mentally (when i am not tired) and good with traumatized kids, as well as having being "up there " in the health care delivery arena, i know how to address their "rights" and i'm known not to take bs from bureaucrats who have forgotten why they got into social services in the beginning. my ex did what i asked, if he was able, and focused on computer stuff with them and driving around when necessary.

i get tired and can afford to hire help as my "disability" was in the beginning through my own "paid for" insurance and later on , a small bit was kicked in by social security. i don't take state aid. i can direct whatever help i have competently. i do have to say though, i am pretty depleted by three post trauma teens and i would not do it again in my one lifetime. my alternative would be to sit and feel sorry for myself, which is not my "thing". i was 50 then and soon to be 60! so now, i would do an afternoon respite here and there for someone else who dared to do what i did--other than that, i do my disabilty one day at a time.

i put together a very competent therapy team specializing in abuse, ritualized torture and you name it. i also hired an attorney beyond their "free" attorney to represent them when gaps occurred and who helped me with obtaining iep rights. she also had fost/adopted many kids and became an attorney to start with helping her own kids! the joke was don't let scw sink her teeth into your leg, if you don't do right by her kids. apparently i was like some kind of dog, i think a beagle, who once her teeth sunk in--she wouldn't let go! i do have to add i was trained by my county at that time, but had to tread into a more political county where the kids were represented and who offered much less back-up and were often more stressful than the kids themselves! i now suggest to never go between counties to adopt, unless the out of county area puts services in writing.

i might add i was not single at the time, but there are singles and disabled who adopt. again, it depends on the whole situation. as soon as they were adopted i did become single, but the kids wanted that and therapists felt they were way better off than in the "system". here you can be a number of things, including a gay couple or any kind of single , and adopt " if you meet criteria". to say some workers are not biased would be untrue, but many are not. in fact, if a heterosexual adopts a gay child there is reciprocal backup amongst fost/adopt parents to give each situation a broad exposure.

as said, it varies by politics of county and sadly some counties are politically entrenched in the bounty their cronies get from operating group homes. often a sharp person runs the homes and is the "outside" person and the rest who deal more with the children timewise, can be barely literate and just cook and babysit. the children are farmed out to social programs during the day, watch tv at nite, and when they get older, they get in trouble. but this is not a foster/adopt thread so feel free to write.

as to lucky, i'd say my kids are pretty lucky! the older two get that. the younger one is working on her "independence". time will tell, as she kept out of trouble. they got into trouble, with the eldest now "on the path" and the boy in dual dx jail treatment for the time being. i never got to adopt him, but i will if i can --even though he's older. he is in my trust equally. it was not because of being single or disabled, it was him sorting out his rage.

FOR ME, BEING OLDER, MEANS NEVER GIVING UP! USE WHAT TIME IS LEFT WISELY AND FIND MANY FRIENDS!!!
 Hizdog
Joined: 12/19/2007
Msg: 48
Easier or harder to experience heartbreak as we get older
Posted: 4/30/2008 9:02:17 AM
From personal experience, DEVASTINGLY harder....... 'Nuff said....
 Dfree452
Joined: 4/21/2009
Msg: 51
view profile
History
Easier or harder to experience heartbreak as we get older
Posted: 6/1/2009 11:13:12 AM
Several comments have been made that lovsing a loved one due to death is easier, then a breakup (your partner cheating for example). I agree. When a mate (married or someone from a long, loving relationship dies) you grieve, get yourself back together in time then move on because the choice has been made for you. You're hopeful you can love/be loved again and it approaches what you've lost.

When you go through a breakup, depending on how long, what you shared, if you were in love but the other person wasn't, how it was done, all these things make it that more difficult.

From my expereince once feelings are invloved, it doesn't get easier.

Plus you've lost time. After 50, most of us in our last quarter of our lives. We don't even know how much of that will be healthy. So finding a special relationship becomes very important.
 Mustangtoni
Joined: 4/5/2009
Msg: 52
Easier or harder to experience heartbreak as we get older
Posted: 6/1/2009 11:28:00 AM
think it all depends on the depth of the connection. The deeper the cut, the more the pain. Only thing better about experience is you know that you will get over it, eventually. Oddly, the first time you don't have that perspective. The first cut is the deepest.....

rearguard excellent post...

From my experience, I survived the death of my hubby, I can handle just about anything...
 thecatsmeoww
Joined: 3/7/2009
Msg: 53
Easier or harder to experience heartbreak as we get older
Posted: 6/1/2009 12:07:44 PM
I think it all comes down to who did the leaving! The exception to this is if your partner passed away.

thecatsmeoww
 rustygetsit
Joined: 7/16/2008
Msg: 54
Easier or harder to experience heartbreak as we get older
Posted: 6/1/2009 4:14:10 PM
I think it's (much, much) harder now that I'm older. Mainly, because it's so unexpected. In my naive way, I "assumed" - I know, I know ... but, I assumed that men my age would be more mature, honest and no longer felt the need to play games. Some do - of course, some younger ones do as well. Maybe, being out of the loop for so long, one forgets how to defend themselves, how to read warning signs - if there are any - and, how to heal. I think life lessons may make us tougher in some ways, and more tender in other ways.
 gots2B_me
Joined: 2/14/2008
Msg: 55
Easier or harder to experience heartbreak as we get older
Posted: 6/1/2009 7:09:53 PM
In my opinion only, I find it easier. I already know from experience that I can and will bounce back but a little stronger and a little wiser. I choose not to play the victim role. His loss. Someone else's gain. Why waste my time feeling sorry for myself giving him that control over me! I will give myself a cry then get back on track in my life, taking care of me.
 professora
Joined: 7/28/2008
Msg: 56
view profile
History
Easier or harder to experience heartbreak as we get older
Posted: 6/1/2009 7:23:03 PM
The first heart break after a long and successful marriage is very difficult.

And, it is natural to find it more difficult to heal with a living loss. With a love that has passed, he will never return but with a person who is a live and well.....there is always that hope.... though it is unrealistic to hope they will wake and see how wonderful you are.

Heart break can be made easier if you focus on what we really want.

Treat a heart break like a wound....the first day the pain is the worst. By day 2 the pain is severe discomfort but bearable. By the third day.....ah....the sunlight is beginning to look good again.

Good luck.
 blulyt1
Joined: 5/22/2009
Msg: 57
Easier or harder to experience heartbreak as we get older
Posted: 6/1/2009 8:48:39 PM
harder, definitely harder, although the first time, when you are young and naive, you plan your lives together and any end to that, especially when it involves betrayal is devistating. but, now being more careful and still ending up in the same place, much harder, even though, i have to say...my heart was not as engaged. I was with this man for ten years, we did not live together until the last year and everything was paradise till his dormant for many years craziness surfaced and I was completely blindsided. I mean, hindsight is 20/20, there were clues .... but to develop intimacy and trust over the years and finally creak that old heart door open just to have the heart within blasted to heck. It really makes it hard to want to be close to someone again, to want to believe them and believe in them. i am not sure i am sufficiently recovered enough to love, but I know i need male friends and will work hard to develop more of them. maybe something will grow out of it. who knows. but definitely harder.
(-_-)
 vega07
Joined: 5/9/2009
Msg: 58
Easier or harder to experience heartbreak as we get older
Posted: 6/2/2009 5:10:40 PM
I found it easier to deal with it with age . My first heartbreak was the most devastating. I couldn`t even look at another woman for a year. It took another year before i had any interest in finding someone again . Been in love 4 times since , sure after they ended i was hurt but maybe by then i just knew how to deal with it better . Life goes on , just keep your head up high .
Show ALL Forums  > Over 45  > Easier or harder to experience heartbreak as we get older