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Show ALL Forums  > Dating Experiences  > She has AIDs and is on POF. Is this the end of dating ?      Home login  
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 calypsojoe
Joined: 2/1/2008
Msg: 9
She has AIDs and is on POF. Is this the end of dating ?Page 1 of 7    (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7)
Peter what is your prostate condition like? I've had chronic prostatitis and urethritis for many, many years and the doctors have not been able to help much. They tell me I can't pass this on to anyone and so far I think they are right.
 nexthyme
Joined: 9/12/2007
Msg: 11
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She has AIDs and is on POF. Is this the end of dating ?
Posted: 4/24/2008 1:40:34 PM
Yes, I think you should stop while you are ahead of the game, that way you don't have to risk anything...

However don't expect the rest of us to jump up on the band wagon just yet, because we know that HIV is real, and hepatitis is more real as are all the OTHER nasties that are out there...

We like to protect ourselves.

What I really think, she was up front and honest with you, that is a very great thing. There are plenty of people that don't know their HIV status, OR that they have any other STD's .

Which is worse, going bareback and not knowing someone has something, or knowing someone has something and you haven't touched her...
 ~rain~
Joined: 6/9/2007
Msg: 17
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She has AIDs and is on POF. Is this the end of dating ?
Posted: 4/24/2008 1:55:41 PM
educate educate educate!!!!!

People with HIV and AIDS have enough to worry about in the road ahead of them without having to deal with ignorance as well!!

This woman was up front and honest with you!....If you are compatible with her..If your conversations make you both happy....BE HER FRIEND!!
 Rythmn
Joined: 1/21/2006
Msg: 22
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She has AIDS and is on POF. Is this the end of dating ?
Posted: 4/24/2008 2:15:57 PM
there ARE people with aids who have fallen in love (with a healthy partner) and have taken the necessary precautions. remember there is a difference between HIV + and aids. the latter is the expression of the potential and the most serious for the person with it. many treatments are successful in suppressing this stage.

most often such couples get/are married and deal with it. kind of strange, but at least they know they have found true love, whereas so many others are just farting or floundering around. it is no secret that happy couples have way more healthy immune systems and thus, the increased chances for suppression.

whether you are meeting online or in person, i would be more worried about the people who don't tell you what they have. my feeling is that if you know what you or a partner has, if you are both willing, there is a way. having lymes, i find that most of the people i have met, are in some sort of denial about their own stuff, or purport "NOTHING" . but, in fact, most have way more than i have--aggravated by their denial and subsequently lack of addressing their problems.

as to such things as herpes, some 85 percent of the population carries either oral or genital herpes. so, if your immune system is not so good, they can be fine and you can catch it. the health care delivery system doesn't want to overload itself financially, so it only treats the ones who show blisters. the heck with those who catch it from the others.

so, it puts responsibility onto expression of sexuality. sad, but the feelings of the other person, do not seem to be primary motivators in using and dumping sexual partners. in my day, i fought for the right to CHOSE. i did not fight for the right to USE. i am not saying you should date or be involved with this person. she'll find an authentic partner. i 'm saying do not be naive and tend to control your "own" impulses, until you know "who" you are dating. your new friend is responsible and a rare find to be honest and put you first. i wish her the best and i know she will be successfull.
 scorpiomover
Joined: 4/19/2007
Msg: 25
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She has AIDs and is on POF. Is this the end of dating ?
Posted: 4/24/2008 2:29:11 PM
Just think. At least she told you. What about all the other people you've met and slept with, who didn't tell you, or who didn't know?

If you want to stop dating, that is your right. But we need sprogs. After all, who is going to grow up and be a hoodie?
 whothehellknows
Joined: 7/23/2006
Msg: 27
She has AIDs and is on POF. Is this the end of dating ?
Posted: 4/24/2008 3:24:21 PM

She dropped a bombshell tonight and told me she has AIDS.

My confidence in dating has now gone completely out of the window.
I am thinking now it is time to give up on sex before I seriously get caught out.

What do others think ?


I think you should have thanked her for being honest and upfront with you. She might turn out to be a great friend.

But does she just have HIV or has it developed into AIDS?
 9035768
Joined: 9/20/2007
Msg: 29
STDs
Posted: 4/24/2008 4:20:54 PM
She is not the only women with an STD.

This is why you TALK to people before exchanging fluids!!!!

Yes, she had guts to tell you, but really, you people NOT have the sex talk anymore?!

If you can't ASK your partner about their possible STDs and issues, you are not ready to have sex with them.

Keep dating, just don't stick your penis into unknown territory.
 Djonna
Joined: 7/14/2007
Msg: 31
She has AIDs and is on POF. Is this the end of dating ?
Posted: 4/24/2008 4:42:44 PM
Ok.... First, she has aids; that doesn't mean she isn't capable of love or is she incapable of having someone love her. I think what you should do is be her friend and simply tell her that you enjoy her friendship; but, you can't, for your own personal reasons, become involved otherwise with her. I think she did the right thing by telling you! Bombshell? If she'd told you 3 months after dating and before you had sex with her she had aids; that would be a BOMBSHELL. CHATTING? I think you're overreacting totally. You've only been chatting a few weeks? That's nothing. Grow up.... People have aids and still deserve to have friends; the best thing you can do is still chat with her and be her friend. I can imagine how lonely she feels if she simply looses friendships over having aids.
 MetalVixxn
Joined: 4/4/2007
Msg: 32
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She has AIDs and is on POF. Is this the end of dating ?
Posted: 4/24/2008 5:13:51 PM
So, you met a woman who has AIDS. How does this in anyway effect your confidence in dating???
She's ONE woman. Oh, but I am remembering a prior thread you posted... I think I told you to give up then. See, ya should have listened to me!
 Black velvet 46
Joined: 11/5/2007
Msg: 38
She has AIDs and is on POF. Is this the end of dating ?
Posted: 4/24/2008 6:33:46 PM
Maybe the next person she takes in her confidence, will not only make a thread about it, but give everyone her profile name.... Maybe it's just me, but i think you showed very little class writing this thread. The lady in question showed alot of honesty by being right upfront with you. You reward her by writing this thread.

I can only imagine how she feels if she see this thread. Might make her think twice about revealing her illness to the next guy.

Kudos to her for honesty..... to you for betraying her trust.
 NorseViking869
Joined: 3/23/2006
Msg: 43
She has AIDs and is on POF. Is this the end of dating ?
Posted: 4/24/2008 10:11:05 PM
She was honest to you and she is going thru probably the harshest disease and some of the harshest prejudice because of it. yes it is contageous and no you should not have sex with her, but it shold not stop you from being her friend. You got along with her before, she dropped the bomb now it is your decision to be her friend or not.

Furthermore, there are many couples that have an hiv infected partnee and they them selves are HIV negative but they have a romanti and quite sexualy active life thru the use of safer sex practices. HIV uis not the end of the world anymore for smoe people now on proper medicine regimins and healthier living practices. Study up on it if you think things may develop.

I can not blame you for running away though and niether does she. Just bbe a man and educate yourself and try being a friend.
 Rythmn
Joined: 1/21/2006
Msg: 47
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She has AIDs and is on POF. Is this the end of dating ?
Posted: 4/25/2008 9:05:20 AM
i just did a forum thread search on AIDS. seems others have raised this issue, as well as provided some educational tools. i would suggest that people peruse and read. the very end of my search, a person asked if s/he could meet others with aids. sadly no one anwered. if you know of sites where people "with" aids can chat and meet, maybe you can provide it, so we can pass it on to those who need it AND the woman who is the OBJECT of this thread, can find some solace. hopefully she can see that many of us here are rooting for her. maybe she won't make her name publically known, but can contact us privately. i believe that the better way for her to meet people is to get out there and get involved. that way people can be exposed to ALL of her as she is not her disease.

i know that with one other controversial disease, that people have a code that they tuck into their profiles if they are looking to date or talk to others who share this problem. i guess they found it on a self help website. not sure how it started, but it's a great idea, i think. hopefully, there is a similar secret flag for others with other issues.
 Ravenstar66
Joined: 8/27/2007
Msg: 50
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She has AIDs and is on POF. Is this the end of dating ?
Posted: 4/25/2008 12:13:49 PM
I think you are a jackass

Why should people with any disease or disability NOT be on POF. They still have hearts.. they still need to find love. They still DESERVE to be loved. The wording of the OP sounds like you think somehow you are above people with HIV.. superior somehow.

I hate prejudice, in ALL it's forms. If you have EVER had unprotected sex (and even if you have, accidents happen) you have risked HIV infection... so for all those out there.. YOU too could be in her shoes, and if you haven't been tested lately, you might be now.

I applaud her for her courage in being honest. Must be awfully painful for her to put herself out for rejection like that, and no doubt she is aware of how many are going to reject her, yet here she is still reaching out. Brave lady.

Did you consider that? Not only does she have to deal with a potentially fatal and painful disease, but all the social rejection and misinformation. She might have to face dying alone and untouched, like so many others have, because of prejudice and fear.

No one said you have to date her, but at least show some common human compassion and decency. YOU are no better tha she is... don't fool yourself.
 aspiring_angel
Joined: 1/25/2006
Msg: 58
She has AIDs and is on POF. Is this the end of dating ?
Posted: 4/25/2008 1:48:37 PM
OP I can sympathize with what you're saying; you're gun shy now; at least she told you and was up front. There are others who have had bad experiences online, you aren't the first, or the last. You are probably not even alone in this situation (finding someone has a life threatening disease).

You live, you learn.

As for the topic of AIDS / HIV, there by the grace of God go any one of us who have had un-protected sex, blood transfusions or ...

Best Wishes ~
 simplicity42
Joined: 12/11/2007
Msg: 60
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She has AIDs and is on POF. Is this the end of dating ?
Posted: 4/25/2008 2:13:26 PM
Well said ~Rain~

She was up front with you, now it's up to you what you want to do....
 lukin2bcherished
Joined: 3/17/2008
Msg: 64
She has AIDs and is on POF. Is this the end of dating ?
Posted: 4/26/2008 4:33:43 AM
I just sat here and read this entire thread and I have to say I'm simply amazed. OP, what made you post this to begin with? Are you not man enough to handle the situation and make your own choice about the matter? She told you this in all honesty, then you made the statement I have no faith in dating anymore. Do you want to be with someone that is a liar?

The saddest part of all, is how she is feeling reading this. She should be the one to lose faith in dating and trusting someone on this site. She was more than women enough to tell you the truth.

OP, my advice to you....

1. Educate yourself! Whether you believe it or not, there is millions of HIV+/Aids patients living life and being in a healthy relationship

2. Learn the meaning of TRUST!

3. Decide if your man enough to handle a real relationship. I'm sure you have had unprotected sex at least once in your life. Who knows? You could find out that you have it yourself.
 Kiss_My_Karma~
Joined: 7/4/2005
Msg: 69
She has AIDs and is on POF. Is this the end of dating ?
Posted: 4/26/2008 5:19:42 AM

I am thinking now it is time to give up on sex before I seriously get caught out.


I am thinking if anyone you talk to reads your posting history you won't need to worry about it, it'll be taken care of for you.
 Rythmn
Joined: 1/21/2006
Msg: 72
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She has AIDs and is on POF. Is this the end of dating ?
Posted: 4/26/2008 2:26:56 PM
in my day, women were accused of putting a hole in the condom to get pregnant and get the "boys" to marry them. today teen boys, if not interrupted by knowledgeable parents to talk some sense into them, are putting holes in the condoms to get the girls pregnant because they think it's a "funny" way to get even with them for something or another. they know they don't have to marry them and no one has money for child support to glean--let alone there are so many partners, no one knows who the father really is. thus, another avenue to catch aids...

it only takes one naive party to catch aids. it could be any one of us and if you are not regularly checked, it could also be someone right now, who doesn't even know s/he is HIV+ !!!!

i guess the question, aside from how terrible OP is, is what one would do if they fell in love with an HIV + person? so many are looking to hook up or get whatever from a relationhip. when i say love here, i am talking about something way past sex. what if your two souls clicked on all aspects of life? if that were possible, what would you do? there are ways, i am told, to deal with the sexuality. but could you deal with the pain as well?

the woman in question, must be happy we all ZONKED op, but most say they would be her friend and perhaps that may not be what she is looking for. so are we hypocritical? i am not sure what i would do. having lymes, i am way more immune susceptible than most. but to meet the love of your life? and then turn him/ her down? that is an interesting question that is beyond practicality.
 Rythmn
Joined: 1/21/2006
Msg: 78
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She has AIDs and is on POF. Is this the end of dating ?
Posted: 4/26/2008 4:48:27 PM
697989, one of the posts above says there is such a thread. but if there is not, feel free to coyy and paste. i assumed this was in keeping, if not with the original question, the responses. i also was thinking of the "victim" of the revelation, as i'm sure she'd be interested also. i''ll be sure to post on it, if you so venture! but dam-n-ed if i know the answer. i "guess" to find that kind of love, is worth anything and everything. fact is, that many with HIV who marrry a non HIV person whom they meet after the infection, are probably pretty lucky to have that true kind of love. dontcha think? i know there are ways around it, but it's the stigma that gives so many problems. that assumes the person is accessible to today's modern medicine-- that so many third world countries do not have access to , or at least the whole of it.
 Janet4ever
Joined: 4/14/2008
Msg: 84
She has AIDS and is on POF. Is this the end of dating ?
Posted: 4/26/2008 6:40:33 PM
I doubt that she has any diseases other than being sick of you (for whatever reason).

(boo)
 Black velvet 46
Joined: 11/5/2007
Msg: 85
She has AIDS and is on POF. Is this the end of dating ?
Posted: 4/26/2008 6:47:45 PM
Hi Janet, the Op really showed very little class making this thread...breaking someones confidence




BOO
 opnmydm
Joined: 3/23/2008
Msg: 88
She has AIDs and is on POF. Is this the end of dating ?
Posted: 4/27/2008 3:47:20 AM
atleast she told you, there are hundreds if not thousands of people out there that have one sort of std or another but do not yet know about it or they just don't give a damn, and if your the lucky one to get to meet this person, you may go home with something you wish you never even heard of.
 SueCat51
Joined: 8/11/2007
Msg: 90
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She has AIDs and is on POF. Is this the end of dating ?
Posted: 4/27/2008 2:32:43 PM
OP - I'm sure there's plenty of folks with AIDS, STD's, and the likes, floating out there on any dating site. Always live by the philosophy "no glove, no love". Choose your partners carefully. Think with the big head, not the little head.
 mthomjmark
Joined: 2/27/2008
Msg: 95
She has AIDs and is on POF. Is this the end of dating ?
Posted: 4/28/2008 2:52:43 AM
Whether the OP, or the girl is fool of crap, this is still a good point that many avoid. First of all the national institute of health came out with their latest statistics that 25% of teens have an STD in the U.S. and among African Americans its 45%.

Never before have people been so wreckless with sex. If you look at the female profiles many are very young with children. In fact a 24 year old with 4 kids from 3 men emailed me tonight saying she wanted stability in her life. mmm I can't believe people still have unprotected sex.

People forget, when you sleep with someone, you are being exposed to EVERY partner that person has ever been with, along with all their partners. AIDS is on the rise again and STD's are very much on the rise and the numbers are scary.

You have to be EXTREMELY careful. When you get serious with someone, testing isnt' a bad idea. I know in the girls gone wild generation we live in its not cool, but sleeping around can cost more than a heartache.
 Love_on_Fire
Joined: 11/18/2007
Msg: 100
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She has AIDS and is on POF. Is this the end of dating ?
Posted: 4/29/2008 11:30:57 AM
OP, I am very sorry to hear this. I am also sorry for this lady who is infected. I still would maybe say that you can be friends, but thats as far as it should go.

I must be honest, this is one of the things that deep down in the back of my head I fear, and I pray that none of us come across this. This is one thing that is very good to know as soon as you can.

As for her being on POF, I don't know what I can say, other then she may be looking for friends or something? She has the right to be on here, but she also has to tell others about her situation, and I think it took alot of courage from her to tell you this and I would be thankful to her that she told you in time.

This is something that is never easy to hear. One of the first things I would be thinking is how I could help them and that I wish I could. It's a very difficult situation to be in.

I hope you find someone who will love you because you deserve it. You sound like a great guy. Also, as I said earlier, you can try to still be friends with this lady, you can't help but feel sorry and want to atleast help in some way.
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