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 WomanInProgress
Joined: 10/16/2005
Msg: 1
"Whatever Happens Happens"Page 1 of 10    (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10)
I have a question about the context of this phrase and would like to know if it differs greatly with gender, or if it's just me.

Men: When you hear or say this in regards to meeting/getting to know someone, what does it mean to you or what do you mean by it? And be candid - it's not a trick question, I really want to know what goes thru your head when it's uttered.

Ladies: Same question.

I had a discussion with a few people about this over the last couple days...and I want to see what the forums here say. It seems that it may mean a world of difference depending on the gender, but I hope not.

Thanks!
 Change Of Pace
Joined: 5/5/2007
Msg: 2
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History
Whatever Happens Happens
Posted: 4/25/2008 12:04:34 PM
Have to say a couple of men I've met had a very different thought than me...I meant if we like each other we'll see what happens. They meant if we like each other we'll sleep together.
 WomanInProgress
Joined: 10/16/2005
Msg: 3
Whatever Happens Happens
Posted: 4/25/2008 12:13:32 PM
Interesting...I wonder why? How does that phrase equate to same night sex? Hmmm...

I met a guy last Friday night that I agreed to hang out with locally for an hour or two and shoot pool, grab a beer or two and see if we had any further interest beyond talking on the phone or whatever. Long story short, I wasn't into him, but was enjoying the place and generally having fun - I was in the mood to go where I ended up anyway, regardless. In the second hour it was clear to me that he was not only thinking I was into him, but thought the night would end up at my place, which I never mentioned, but he talked about a couple times.

He asked if I was interested, I firmly but not rudely told him I wasn't, that being the reason we met in the first place. He then asked if I would sleep with him (which I thought was the same as being interested, but I digress), and I said "no, of course not."

He then mentioned that I had said "whatever happens, happens" to him several times before we met. I took it as I might like him or not, he took it as "whoa, lemme bring extra condoms".

I just want to know for sure if this is universally taken that way so that I don't say it anymore...and if others have had the same experience (from either side).
 Gwendolyn2010
Joined: 1/22/2006
Msg: 4
Whatever Happens Happens
Posted: 4/25/2008 12:37:54 PM
I had an email from a man the other day that says:


I would love to take you to be and let you talk all you want to me and tell me all about your self all night long a if we get around to making love then we would just have to let it happen,


I don't think there is ANY ambiguity about his intention to "let it happen." I didn't hear from him again after I answered his email.

I can't imagine why.

Snort.
 davidsauvignon
Joined: 2/6/2008
Msg: 5
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Whatever Happens Happens
Posted: 4/25/2008 12:40:23 PM
Pretty much ditto what UrbanTO stated. But I will add that after you've made all the effort you can, the rest is out of your control. You can only do what you can do, the rest is up to someone/something else.


~ds~
 nexthyme
Joined: 9/12/2007
Msg: 6
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Whatever Happens Happens
Posted: 4/25/2008 12:41:23 PM
WHOA, I now know not to say that to men...GEEZ

I too would think that what ever happens happens, means if we get along and click, great, if we don't no big deal, there is no expectations one way or another.

I will say I met some idiots that wanted to push the sex envelop... One in particular comes to mind. I made contact with him, and since I did that, in his mind I wanted him.

I met him, and wanted to run as fast as I could, but was polite to listen to his drivel while I kindly sipped my soda.

Finally after about 45 minutes of watching this dweeb in disgust scarf down a stinky mushroom burger I told him I need to get back home to study... He asked me if he was coming home with me...UHHHH NOOOOOOOO...

Headed out to my truck and he was right behind me... He was on my passengers side, and like an idiot instead of rolling down the window, I opened the door to see what he wanted...

He still thought he was going to go home with me...WHAT A FRUIT CAKE!

I immediately slammed down my center storage caddy so he could come closer. Trying to be polite....This was back in the day where I thought women were required to be polite no matter the situation...I told him no several more times and that I Really needed to get out of there...

It amazes me how some people can turn something into an invitation to sex no matter what....
 WomanInProgress
Joined: 10/16/2005
Msg: 7
Whatever Happens Happens
Posted: 4/25/2008 12:41:56 PM
Ok, so far it doesn't seem to be as bad as I thought...lol...I always figured that part of "whatever happening" could be nothing at all...good to know I am not the only one who hears it that way.


Finally after about 45 minutes of watching this dweeb in disgust scarf down a stinky mushroom burger I told him I need to get back home to study... He asked me if he was coming home with me...UHHHH NOOOOOOOO...

I ended up fearing for my life/safety last week - which is why I don't do night meetings, and should have known better this past time, but thought I was being too quick to judge and ignored my gut feeling (which I won't be doing again). He told me he thought my interest was already clear before we met, which I think is sort of not possible.

After I made it clear to this guy a few times that no, there wasn't even a remote romantic interest (hey at least he couldn't say I gave him mixed signals) he told me 10 times in a number of ways that he was planning to end up at my house and didn't intend to take no for an answer...that and different combinations of trying to get me to drink way more than I had - which I flatly refused.

He didn't follow me home, but I did end up leaving him in a bar and walking 10 blocks back to my car alone, I knew if he walked me back I'd have been followed.

But anyway, yeah I might want to either REALLY clarify this or not say it at all (and keep meetings to daytime public places and under an hour).
 GeneralizingNow
Joined: 10/10/2007
Msg: 8
Whatever Happens Happens
Posted: 4/25/2008 1:16:10 PM
It's leaving the whole dating thing open to debate--here is an extreme example:

Say you meet for "coffee", but you both have in the back of your minds that you want to have sex. Before the date, he might say, "Let's meet for coffee and then go from there; whatever happens, happens." If we have coffee and then say good-bye, that's what happened. If we have coffee and then get it on, THAT is what happened.

I think it's an attempt to reduce pressure.
 Xcen
Joined: 4/7/2005
Msg: 9
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Whatever Happens Happens
Posted: 4/25/2008 1:17:26 PM
OP and Savona #14
To me its a neutral, vague , open statement implying exactly nothing in particular. How is that for a run-around definition. It does not have sexual connotations and yes , Savona, it can be used to give a non-commital response when someone is pushing for what the other persons "intentions" are. I presume that both genders can get vague in their responses when being pushed about future intentions, especially if one is being pushed for an answer early in a relationship.
 WomanInProgress
Joined: 10/16/2005
Msg: 10
Whatever Happens Happens
Posted: 4/25/2008 1:20:22 PM
UB thanks for putting this thread up. I've always thought it meant if we click with attraction, conversation, personality etc when maybe we can have a second date. I NEVER meant that I was going to umpa lumpa them.

The reason I did is because I was talking to a couple male friends over the week who asked me why I said this to someone I was meeting. I asked why wouldn't I say it?

Then they told me how it was (usually) interpreted...now because it's never been either repeated back to me in confusion, or brought up in conversation, I had no idea I was causing such a mixed signal to occur. So I guess at almost 40 I learned something....lol
 WomanInProgress
Joined: 10/16/2005
Msg: 11
Whatever Happens Happens
Posted: 4/25/2008 1:41:32 PM
As often happens to me in these fora, I have no idea what OPie is really asking about. As I usually guess, I guess that someone said this to OPie, and she wants to pin down what he means, because she understood one thing and he, apparently, another. She just won't say.

On the contrary, Vulf I said it and someone else took it differently than I meant it - but I didn't want to go to far into an explanation so as not to sway responses. I wanted people to genuinely describe what it meant to them without bias.

I later explained what the origin of the question was in some detail (over a few posts).

I don't think there is ANY ambiguity about his intention to "let it happen." I didn't hear from him again after I answered his email.

I can't imagine why.

Snort.

LMAO Gwen! I love the wording "if we get around to making love" what an odd way to put that? Needless to say, I can't say I would have continued talking to him either after that (tho I would have secretly laughed at it).
 WomanInProgress
Joined: 10/16/2005
Msg: 12
Whatever Happens Happens
Posted: 4/25/2008 1:55:04 PM

Now, why do you expect a vague phrase to mean the same thing to different people in any context? Vague is vague!

Up until last week I didn't expect it to mean anything specific at all...and even after he mentioned it and I corrected him about MY meaning of it, I didn't question it until a couple more people chimed in on it in retrospect. Ahh well!

I have always understood that with that said, it's understood, that you are both adults and the night has no expectations. You can eat or not eat, get coffee or not, go anyplace or no place. Basically you go with what you are comfortable with, BOTH OF YOU.

Quite so.

My advice. Run From Them!!!

I ran (jogged) all 10 blocks or so back while looking over my shoulder, but I waited for him to order a beer and start drinking it first as a diversion - so as not to tempt him to run after me. It worked (somehow).
 Theonly1!
Joined: 5/1/2007
Msg: 13
Whatever Happens Happens
Posted: 4/25/2008 1:56:00 PM
I would take that phrase as there is a possibility of sexual things to come because said sayer of phrase has not set rules on said sexual subject... just being honest.
 WomanInProgress
Joined: 10/16/2005
Msg: 14
Whatever Happens Happens
Posted: 4/25/2008 2:00:23 PM

I would take that phrase as there is a possibility of sexual things to come because said sayer of phrase has not set rules on said sexual subject... just being honest.

Let's say that sayer of phrase has made it abundantly clear that it's just two beers and a game of pool...repeatedly. What then would you think? No rules in writing, but a good indication that it's "hands off"...

Unless it's got to be specifically stated that there will be no sex (!!) under any circumstances (!!) during the meeting. To which, of course the other person always says, "oh of course not, what kind of guy do you think I am?"

It's not always the same when you're face to face tho.
 WomanInProgress
Joined: 10/16/2005
Msg: 15
Whatever Happens Happens
Posted: 4/25/2008 2:10:32 PM

I would take that phrase as there is a possibility of sexual things to come because said sayer of phrase has not set rules on said sexual subject... just being honest.

Let's say that sayer of phrase has made it abundantly clear that it's just two beers and a game of pool...repeatedly. What then would you think? No rules in writing, but a good indication that it's "hands off"...

Unless it's got to be specifically stated that there will be no sex (!!) under any circumstances (!!) during the meeting. To which, of course the other person always says, "oh of course not, what kind of guy do you think I am?"

It's not always the same when you're face to face tho.

Whatever Happens Happens
I don't believe I've uttered this sentiment on a first date. My mindset about this expression is that it's pretty much meaningless. If my date said that to me, I'd probably just ignore it; if for some reason I thought it was something negative, I'd politely ask for clarification. I can't see this being a positive statement.

Semantics, but it was supposed to have a "non-meaning" to it. I sort of meant it to be non-committal, low key, casual - as only it could be before I knew him personally.

When he quoted you you could have responded " well, what happened was I realized you don't do it for me and if that's too complicated for ya - that's one of the reasons WHY you don't do it for me "

lol
 Theonly1!
Joined: 5/1/2007
Msg: 16
Que Sera, Sera!
Posted: 4/25/2008 2:21:30 PM

Let's say that sayer of phrase has made it abundantly clear that it's just two beers and a game of pool...repeatedly. What then would you think? No rules in writing, but a good indication that it's "hands off"...


and where would you fit in"whatever happens, happens?... Then it's meaningless. It's a couple of beers and a game of pool... not whatever happens, happens.

If someone had not stated anything about sex prior to this date and said... beers, pool and whatever happens, happens could mean tons of stuff. If I go on a first date and I could never see myself dating that person and I think she's really attractive well then I might try and see what "happens" (ie, sex) ... If I like the girl and see a second date, I'll send her home. That isn't a guy thing either, most of my female friends share the same opinion.

Whatever happens, happens is ambiguous but my head always makes it think there's a possibility of sex regardless of what is said out loud.
 WomanInProgress
Joined: 10/16/2005
Msg: 17
Whatever Happens Happens
Posted: 4/25/2008 3:09:20 PM
In that context, I'd think she was challenging me to a spirited game of pool and that maybe she thought she could win, so maybe I'd reply innocently "don't sing it, bring it".

Now THAT, I have no problem with.

So ug, now we know. You expect a boy you've told not to expect your hot, wet, monkey love not to expect your hot, wet, monkey love? You don't really know a lot of boys like that, do you?

LOL...I thought that after like 18, some self control and common sense applied.

This isn't about the phrase at all. This is about boys keep swingin', and OPie wants them to turn it off when she says so. She could say, "touch me and I'll kill you," and most will still try, one way or another. (Whining and begging are also very popular.)

Cheers!

Vulf

Yes, I do want them to turn it off when I say so...lol - or at least understand that it should be mutual before anything progresses.

and where would you fit in"whatever happens, happens?... Then it's meaningless. It's a couple of beers and a game of pool... not whatever happens, happens.

It is if someone's trying to get a feel for my interest or intention prior to a meeting, when I can't exactly answer it.

If someone had not stated anything about sex prior to this date and said... beers, pool and whatever happens, happens could mean tons of stuff. If I go on a first date and I could never see myself dating that person and I think she's really attractive well then I might try and see what "happens" (ie, sex) ... If I like the girl and see a second date, I'll send her home. That isn't a guy thing either, most of my female friends share the same opinion.

Trying is sort of the opposite of stuff happening on it's own no? That would be an agenda in a sense...

Whatever happens, happens is ambiguous but my head always makes it think there's a possibility of sex regardless of what is said out loud.

From what I can see, anything that's vague (thank you Vulf) is going to be taken in a sexually opportunist fashion by men, no? Safer to drop the disclaimer?

I can certainly see hoping for more, and silently being bummed when it doesn't happen...that I expect...
 bucsgirl
Joined: 5/13/2006
Msg: 18
Whatever Happens Happens
Posted: 4/25/2008 4:10:53 PM
Having lived through four children's teenage years who are now grown...."whatever" I heard a LOT!
Whatever means...whatever....it's open-ended meaning no presumed, expected result (if that's the word).
It's purposefully ambiguous, when meeting or getting to know someone...it's not putting up expectations or limitations on what may or may not "happen".
I can only speak for myself, but my only expectation is to have a relaxed and pleasant time. Some interesting conversation, few laughs thrown in is good. That's it.
I don't keep track of...when did he call..how long since he called, how many emails...ehh...should I call...blek!
To use the phrase "making it more difficult than it should be"....I have no wishes or desires to make mine or anyone else's life more complicated, confusing or frustrating.
It's really pretty simple, if there's mutual interest, then it does "happen". Maybe not when or how someone else may think.
Who cares, I don't have a schedule, timetable or agenda for any of it. Works well for me, I won't change a thing.
 SueCat51
Joined: 8/11/2007
Msg: 19
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Whatever Happens Happens
Posted: 4/25/2008 4:27:25 PM
Betty - great post. Hmm, when I think "whatever happens, happens". Geez, in my case "shit happens" Ok, better yet, "what will be, will be". "Go with the flow".
 nexthyme
Joined: 9/12/2007
Msg: 20
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Whatever Happens Happens
Posted: 4/25/2008 4:31:05 PM
This thread has been extremely educational... Now not only are we expected to make it specifically clear that it doesn't mean sex, unless we say it means sex...In which case since we said it included sex, we are NOW obligated to have sex...

Shakes head several times...

I have chatted with this guy on the phone a couple times, he has asked me each time we've talked, if we are having sex when we meet. I have repeatedly said NO...

Gosh being a thread reader, seems a sure fire way to get the emotional crap beat out of you is if you find someone sex worthy on a first date, you automatically get awarded the "Biggest Ho" award.

If you talk about sex, or initiate a talk that includes sex, then you are still promising to have sex with the other person. If you don't have sex when them, and they were expecting it, then you win the "Biggest Pr!ck Tease" award.

No wonder I miss the good ol days, where meeting a person for the first time, simply meant getting to know a person without fearing that anything that is said can be interpreted as a sign of wanting to have sex on a first date, or any other couple dates after the fact.

In fact I really miss the days (and this apparently ages the he!! out of me) that when I said no, it wasn't questioned, pushed, or asked again unless I seemed receptive to very slow acts of light touching of the hand, and maybe even going so far as a hug, and a kiss...

What is it with the mentality these days that men (women, don't date them so I don't know) think just because a woman says yes to meeting you, that she is also saying yes to sex??? (which goes back to unless she spells it out NO!!!! before the date/meeting even occurs..)

If this post seems confusing...No kidding, I am truly confused...


Whatever happens, happens is ambiguous but my head always makes it think there's a possibility of sex regardless of what is said out loud.


If a guy can keep it in their head, with out begging pleding, threatening, then accusing the woman leading him on, that is one thing... However I have read plenty of threads where guys will even "hit it" without having any interest in the woman, but felt hey since she was willing to put out, why not take it???

I don't mean to sound like any morals police, but dang this dating stuff gets more complicated than ever... No wonder people fear a first date/meeting? No wonder people take up a million different hobbies, including but not limited to collecting cats... No wonder it seems so hard to make a connection with all of these misinterpretations and unspoken expectations, that seem to become an implied contract...

Year round golfing is looking better and better...
 LoonyTunz
Joined: 8/11/2006
Msg: 21
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Whatever Happens Happens
Posted: 4/25/2008 4:52:51 PM

It is if someone's trying to get a feel for my interest or intention prior to a meeting, when I can't exactly answer it.

What is difficult about, "Just a couple drinks some pool and no pressure or expectations. Just fun and a chance to get better acquainted" ?

Most women can run circles around me language-wise. This would not be one of those women, and goes to show the trouble that comes with generalisations

Her date was a bit of a tool, and clearly not that bright. Desperate guys don't get laid so his tactic shoots himself in the foot aswell as annoys the OP.

But for the record when going on a date and a woman said "whatever happens, happens" 9 times out of 10 I got or was offerred sex by the end of the date. So it is understandable how some will be confused by it thinking it is "code", much like the 3am call asking if you want to come over to watch a movie.
 bucsgirl
Joined: 5/13/2006
Msg: 22
Whatever Happens Happens
Posted: 4/25/2008 5:51:15 PM
What the heck is "it" that's "supposed" to happen?
Aww...geez...I still have a sex drive...yes even at my advanced age. And I know when I'm attracted and when I'm not.

Well maybe it just needs to be said (if it has been and I missed it...sorry) but if I meet someone and maybe I'm STRANGE..wouldn't be the first time..I can't be relaxed and have an interesting conversation that isn't about SEX...no matter how much "chemistry" emails, phone calls...that doesn't get it going on....(I know what lust is...nad pure sexual interest and chemistry...even 20 years ago....never acted on it and no regrets). I realize I have a brain and a groin...and know where the blood is flowing to and know what to do about it. Sheesh...I figured that out before I was 20.
Maybe that makes me uninteresting and boring...I haven't been on Springer. Yet...haha...naw...I like that about me that I can think and seperate my hormonal impulses (yes still have them) from my rational, logical, conscious thought.
Dang..I am BORING...ehh....there's this guy in IT at work.....woohoo!!
Wait, NO...aw shit, I have to get the printer jammed again!!
 Adam 4 Coffee
Joined: 5/31/2007
Msg: 23
Whatever Happens Happens
Posted: 4/25/2008 6:26:13 PM
To me wahtever happens happens... means. If we like eachother we'll ahve a realtionship. Or be freidns or friends with benefits. Or an open realtionship. It means the person is either uncertain of another person or unsure of what he or she wants for themself? So they are testing the waters not makign a commitment and it could end up turninmg into sex, freinds with benefits, seriosu relationship it is the mystery lollipop of the the dum dum's package. So it makes the date casual and more sexual and less commitment. its wherevert eh windblows and whatever the woman wants fromt eh man.
 WomanInProgress
Joined: 10/16/2005
Msg: 24
Whatever Happens Happens
Posted: 4/25/2008 6:34:35 PM
Interesting posts, thanks guys...

What is difficult about, "Just a couple drinks some pool and no pressure or expectations. Just fun and a chance to get better acquainted" ?

Nothing at all, in fact that's how it was originally planned - in those words, and then mentioned again at least once or twice in pre-meet conversation.

Most women can run circles around me language-wise. This would not be one of those women, and goes to show the trouble that comes with generalisations.

The purpose of this thread was to make sure I didn't generalize - either how men took it or how women mean it (or vice versa).

So far I can see that the majority take it the way I do, and a slight number of men think it's sexually promising...but so far it does seem to be based on each person, which is what I thought. Talking to three men in one week who stopped me and informed me I was sending this message was what made me want to open it for discussion. It's totally possible that just those guys thought that and that's the end of it.

Still, I found it interesting...

I don't remember ever saying it either, but with the exception of changing "VERY open to the idea of sex" to "QUITE open or RELATIVELY open to the idea of sex," that's basically how I live (including dating).

I agree with you Dawn...however the guys gotta be someone I've met and know I have attraction to, and vice versa...if I was at that point and it was an intentioned date to start getting to know each other (in that way) then to me that same phrase means something different. But its weird to me that before you've ever been in the same room that you would be...

It's sensible. It makes for good dates (with or without sex), good sex (with or without a relationship/commitment) and good relationships. For me, anyway.

Generally I agree with you there, too. No expectations, no boundaries is a phrase in my profile - the no expectations part is more relevant in this case..
 davidsauvignon
Joined: 2/6/2008
Msg: 25
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Whatever Happens Happens
Posted: 4/25/2008 11:58:38 PM
Blondblueyed Msg #61: 'Okay so now the check list is a little longer of what a man thinks when a woman speaks.

Woman : “Hi”
Man-”She is open to sex.”

Woman-“How are you?”
Man- “She is open to sex.”

Woman- “Yes, I would like to meet.”
Man-”She is open to sex.”

Woman- “We’ll see, whatever happens, happens.”
Man-”She is very open to sex.”

Woman- “Thank you, I had a wonderful time”
Man-”She’s ready for sex.”

Woman-”Not on a first date.”
Man-”Maybe she will be open to sex if I keep pestering her.”

Woman-”NO!”
Man- “Not open now, but maybe in a few hours or tomorrow.

Personally, I don’t think it matters what you say in most cases."

So essentially what you've described, is The Chase that we've read and heard about, right? Take it a couple of steps further and we can come full circle, i.e. she finally says "yes"....date....relationship....marriage....sex wanes....end of relationship? Is this the cycle...or, just what the forums discuss?

Simply another classic example of where and what COMMUNICATION (or lack of) can get you. But, that's JMO.


~ds~
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