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 sexytanish
Joined: 1/27/2008
Msg: 1
where to find decent men Page 1 of 8    (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8)
I have a question ? where exactly are women supposed to meet decent men if not in
bars,clubs,internet,street or lounges......
I have no luck when it come to these places so im just wondering where is next place i should try. lol
 srysam
Joined: 11/11/2007
Msg: 2
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where to find decent men
Posted: 4/27/2008 10:25:00 PM
Good question...Im wondering that myself..cant seem to find a nice,decent,funny kind of guy...
 hiheelsareOk
Joined: 5/3/2006
Msg: 3
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where to find decent men
Posted: 4/27/2008 10:48:24 PM
We don't exist, its just a myth.
 Blue Eyesse
Joined: 3/10/2008
Msg: 4
where to find decent men
Posted: 4/27/2008 11:09:34 PM
Go where man like to go, golf range, hardware stores....etc.
 jon525
Joined: 11/5/2005
Msg: 5
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where to find decent men
Posted: 4/27/2008 11:46:26 PM
Men wonder the same thing about women
 mthomjmark
Joined: 2/27/2008
Msg: 6
where to find decent men
Posted: 4/28/2008 2:12:50 AM
The same way everyone else dis before you; I still dont get it; I can get a date any day of the week. A man isn't going to walk into your living room.

You can go to a club that has to do with a hobby you have, look up clubs in your local newspaper and see different get togethers, outings at the church you go to, business meetings that have to do with your profession, city and county run fairs and fund raisers, local dances and get togethers.

Put in the effort and it's not hard at all.
 da5thletr
Joined: 1/30/2008
Msg: 7
where to find decent men
Posted: 4/28/2008 7:25:12 AM
Good post C.C. Lapew... but trust me, it'll fall on blind eyes.
 gtomustang
Joined: 6/16/2007
Msg: 9
where to find decent men
Posted: 4/28/2008 9:21:11 AM
Get a new hobby/interest/passion that gets you out amongst people...widen your social circle with sports, religion, etc.

Decent men are everywhere, they just get overlooked for the "Exciting" guy that can't be got...b/c he's emotionally unavailible, or he's married, or....
 fra59e
Joined: 6/4/2005
Msg: 10
where to find decent men
Posted: 4/28/2008 9:21:15 AM
Most women fail to do the things that would assure them of meeting more men.

Go to Home Depot on a Saturday morning. Wheel your cart around and bump into some guy's cart. Or when you see a man you would like to talk to why not ask his advice about the right color of tiles or whatever.

Oh, he's married. So what? Every time you develop a conversation with a man you are improving your skills. The encounter does NOT have to be step one towards bedding him. Just enjoy the interaction for what it is and in most cases then just move on. It's all good practice for you and it's all fun.

Many women have never been to Europe. Why? Mistake number one. Personal relations there are so much easier and more relaxed and open and honest.

Yet when they do go to Europe, they want security so they go in groups or stay in hotels - and get to meet unhappy couples and widows from Kansas instead of meeting the attractive single males that are all around. Males who will be staying in cheaper hotels, not in Hiltons, and they shun tour groups and tourist activities. If you don't have to go down the hallway to the bathroom you are in the wrong hotel.

Why eat at some fancy restaurant with American tourists? A counter lunch at the local pub in England or sitting at a table on the sidewalk in Paris will give you chances to meet people.

You have to make yourself visible. You have to look approachable. And you can do the approaching BTW, leave your sexist prejudices back home. European men react favorably to the self-confidence of secure American women, as they always have from Josephine Davis to Wallis Simpson. If you are stuck in the shrinking violet mode you may as well stay home in Des Moines.

The dumbest thing the woman visiting Europe can do is to travel by air. She will meet married insurance salesmen. Why isn't she on the train? Renting a car is dumb. On trains you have time to chat, you get up and walk around. You go to the dining car and meet people.

Worst thing a woman can do: take a cruise ship to the Bahamas. Oh, maybe it's even worse to stay home watching television and moaning about how hard it is to meet men.
 fra59e
Joined: 6/4/2005
Msg: 11
where to find decent men
Posted: 4/28/2008 11:24:29 AM
"Youve missed an extremely important point.
The more approachable and friendly a woman is,
the more she gets approached by men, she has no
interest in, or worse!"
...................................................................................

You have to live your life in vulnerability unless you want to live forever sheltered and hidden away from challenges in which case you may as well go into a convent.

OF COURSE the friendly and approachable woman (and man) is going to encounter creeps and jerks. That's called real life. Welcome to the world, dude.

Women who filter out the jerks by blocking out all contact with strangers are going to miss the good guys too. If she hasn't learned to deal with reality, when is she going to start? Has she learned to say NO? Can she deal with rejection? Every male has to learn that rejection is part of life. Women who still need their momma holding their hand all their lives are totally boring. You are going to meet a lot of rejection - DEAL with it.

Mick Jagger says - you can't always get what you want, but if you try, sometimes you get what you need. He's so right. The losers stay home weeping and wailing about how hard life is, sob sob, why isn't the person I want delivered to me like a pizza, then she watches American Idol and thinks she is living life while she is getting nothing but old and real life is passing her by.

The people who get on with life are out there being seen, and seeing, meeting, and being met, and that DOES mean that a woman CAN travel alone, in Europe. Switzerland is where I saw best that women and men are safe. However guaranteed safety is NOT the point, learning to take care of yourself is the point and NOBODY learned anything by staying indoors bemoaning the fact that the world isn't being delivered to your door by Federal Express ready to be reheated in your microwave.
 fra59e
Joined: 6/4/2005
Msg: 12
where to find decent men
Posted: 4/28/2008 11:32:02 AM
"I find it hard to imagine a young single woman
travelling alone (on foot and train) through Europe!

Most women I know, just love to spend hours next to
some creep in a train compartment! '
...................................................

Jeezus H. Christ dude, haven't you ever been on a train?

On an airplane, that's where you are stuck in your seat with some creep pushing up against you, belted in like a package, immobilized and helpless.

On a train you get up, walk around, go to the lounge car, eat in the dining car, chat with people in the coffee shop. A whole different experience and you feel like a human being.

Which option do YOU think optimizes your prospects for meeting people you want to talk with?
 MajorThomas
Joined: 2/10/2008
Msg: 14
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where to find decent men
Posted: 4/28/2008 11:51:30 AM
The men most likely to approach you are the men you should avoid(Adverse Selection). Or in other words Men (players) that find it easy to seduce women will more likely move from women to women, since their opportunity cost are much lower then a non player. A non player must exert a more significant amount of effort and resources in attracting a woman and thus has a higher opportunity cost.

Men focused on their careers have very little time, and aren't constantly trying to improve their gaming skills. Men who are great Players spend their time improving their game instead of their careers. So basically decent men are usually working much of the time, you won't find them at bars and clubs, the men you will find constantly at bars and clubs are the ones with plenty of time on their hands.

I recent guide on how to land a billionaire/millionaire husband suggest getting a job at a company likely to have millionaire/billionaire men so you will be in close proximity as these men will have little time to actually visit bars and clubs.

I think finding a decent man for women is going to soon become a rarity, with the explosion of PUA community and PUA books and bootcamps, the man that Cosmo has trained women to want will become a reality, and since it will be so easy for men to pick up women, why stay with just one?
 veloise
Joined: 1/24/2008
Msg: 15
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where to find decent men
Posted: 4/28/2008 4:22:22 PM
I find decent guys playing music at jam sessions and community bands, and dancing at folk/contra dances.

HTH
 sexytanish
Joined: 1/27/2008
Msg: 16
where to find decent men
Posted: 4/28/2008 5:52:10 PM
what do you find attractive , c.c lapew ?
 braty dream
Joined: 3/27/2008
Msg: 17
where to find decent men
Posted: 4/28/2008 7:08:44 PM
Yipes! Ok the men say the decent men are around and looking,,,,ummm point exactly for us girls who are not seeing you? I love being single but want a mate, a companion. I am a good hearted, decent, kind person but so far I am having men hit on me that want quick hit and run sex. Doesn't anyone want to build a friendship first so it can last?
Hugs to everyone.
 fra59e
Joined: 6/4/2005
Msg: 18
where to find decent men
Posted: 4/29/2008 11:47:01 AM
When I belonged to the Sierra Club I noticed that it was full of decent males - generally liberal, healthy, stable. Any woman could join the Sierra Club, and maybe go on hikes. No better way to get to know people than climbing a mountain with them.
 WomanInProgress
Joined: 10/16/2005
Msg: 19
where to find decent men
Posted: 4/29/2008 2:08:00 PM
Truth is, they are everywhere - but if you don't look around you and make contact with men you have interest in, you probably won't meet them. You'll only keep meeting the more forward men who approach you but for the most part can turn out to be jerks.

Talking to men who approach you AND approaching men you like gives you a double advantage and ups your numbers. And the bar or club is just one of many places men are...the ones you talk to first are usually the nicer, quieter, more humble ones.

Next time you are anywhere men might go, take in your surroundings - they're usually right under your nose...

Women tend to blindly run errands, go to the gym, shop, get gas, etc without REALLY looking around.
 SapphirePoet
Joined: 8/29/2007
Msg: 20
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where to find decent men
Posted: 4/29/2008 2:09:04 PM
Okay by decent I think she means....what most women I know and talk to really want:

Well Mannered
Educated
Employed
Nicely Groomed
Attractive (to whoever is doing the choosing)
and last but not least the Big One.....
SINGLE!
Not a lot to ask for really, think about it guys, is it?

The problem is most of these guys are already taken.
Especially once you hit 40.

However sometimes we just don't see you out there.
We both are too busy working and reading and biking or taking care of business to notice each other.
But we are here, all of us in this huge sea...two ships passing in the night unaware the other exists.
 ladyc4
Joined: 2/14/2006
Msg: 21
where to find decent men
Posted: 4/29/2008 3:08:18 PM

You have to live your life in vulnerability unless you want to live forever sheltered and hidden away from challenges in which case you may as well go into a convent.

I look like I could bench press a 1958 Chrysler. Nobody wants to run into ME in a dark alley. There's meeting challenges, and then there's being a dumbass with your own safety and wellbeing.
I don't DO vulnerable, and if finding a satisfying and longlasting romance means leaving myself open to being jerked around by gameplayers, sugarmamma hunters,con men, married men looking for a side dish, or men that are just generally WEINIES, then I'm going to be severely limited and IAM FINE with that.
Now, to the question posed..."where to find decent men"
First, understand that a large number of truly decent men are being held on to by smart wives. Ones that have wives but are still looking for girlfriends may not be decent men.( I'm going to stand by "MAY not" because there are decent married men in very extenuating circumstances...I don't recommend that course of action,but neither will I cast any stones)
Then, start thinking beyond the internet and the bars. Join interest clubs, get involved in your community,or a cause you care about. Do volunteer work. Take a class or learn a new hobby. check out Community Theater groups, music clubs/informal concerts/jam sessions.
I've recently met some very interesting/promising prospects through music interests and community involvement...more than that I don't want to say right now for fear of jinxing the thing!
Cindy O
 fra59e
Joined: 6/4/2005
Msg: 22
where to find decent men
Posted: 4/29/2008 6:36:05 PM
Posted By: uglybetty on 4/29/2008 2:08:00 PM
Subject: where to find decent men
Message: Truth is, they are everywhere - but if you don't look around you and make contact with men you have interest in, you probably won't meet them. You'll only keep meeting the more forward men who approach you but for the most part can turn out to be jerks.

Talking to men who approach you AND approaching men you like gives you a double advantage and ups your numbers. And the bar or club is just one of many places men are...the ones you talk to first are usually the nicer, quieter, more humble ones.

Next time you are anywhere men might go, take in your surroundings - they're usually right under your nose...

Women tend to blindly run errands, go to the gym, shop, get gas, etc without REALLY looking around.
.............................................................

Now, listen up, girls. Get it? She makes sense. So long as you assume that just because you are female you are supposed to be passive and wait for males to approach you, you will be bait for the jerks. When you perceive yourself as their equal, and them as your equal, then you can break free from the silly prejudices of your grannie's generation and start LIVING.

So walk up to the man you are interested in and say something. Oh, it's too hard? Oh, you might be rejected? Well, welcome to the club, girls. Men have dealt with reality for a long time. You can do it too.

Yes, you WILL get some rejection. It will NOT kill you. Yes, there WILL be some men who are freaked out by your newly-acquired self-esteem. Well, those are not the kind of men you want to meet anyway, so write them off and move on.

There will always be some shrinking violet females who think that they have be perfect ladies all demure in white gloves who wait passively for males to take initiatives. They are boring and they are social dinosaurs. Let them be whatever they want to be. You can be a modern woman and you will soon find that modern men prefer modern women. I have met exciting modern women and they are fabulous people.

There are men who don't want you to be their equal. That's O.K. They are the old-fashioned males who feel threatened unless you come on as weak and dependent so they can pretend to be strong in their own eyes. Let them be. You can just focus on being you and on being your own very best as your confident strong self.
 fra59e
Joined: 6/4/2005
Msg: 23
where to find decent men
Posted: 4/30/2008 1:41:00 PM
Dude, you make a lot of sense. Yes, an attractive woman is the one who looks classy and dresses not as man-bait but as a woman who is in control. I have felt attracted to women who are obviously competent and strong, such as Benazir Bhutto and Carly Fiorina. Yes, an attractive woman will be intelligent, and will enjoy being intelligent, and I will learn from her.
 WomanInProgress
Joined: 10/16/2005
Msg: 24
where to find decent men
Posted: 4/30/2008 2:05:11 PM

Okay, I won't tell you. But I would still pick Betty over Jennifer. Betty's a cutie.

Thanks, Wonka - but even I would pick Jenn Aniston over myself...lol
 fra59e
Joined: 6/4/2005
Msg: 25
where to find decent men
Posted: 4/30/2008 2:32:02 PM
Church is mostly females. A woman who wants to meet men needs to hang where there are mostly men. That means motorcycle showrooms, Home Depot, boat shows, etc.

But the most important thing is that she MUST be perceived as approachable. That DOES mean vulnerability and she has to take that chance. It means being out there alone, not with her friends. It amazes me how many girls go out with another female, expecting men to take an interest. It's not as much a "stay away" message as being with a guy, but it sure as heck is not so inviting as if it's just her. And if she wants a man to approach her, does she have the courage to break the ice by smiling at him first, or speaking to him BEFORE he speaks to her?

Why don't more women emigrate to Australia? That is a country where there are more men than women, and where they love Americans and American women.
 WomanInProgress
Joined: 10/16/2005
Msg: 26
where to find decent men
Posted: 5/1/2008 7:49:53 AM
Bars are not a good place to meet "decent" men. As someone else has already stated, most men who hang out at bars are only looking to hook up for the night, not for a committed relationship.

Just wanted to throw a footnote on this comment - USUALLY men who approach you in a bar are looking to hook up, etc...

There are a LOT of men in bars who don't go to be players or do one night stands - but they don't approach women (or they have to muster up a lot of courage to do it) because they're a bit more modest/self aware. THOSE men might be a bit more trustworthy. Generally women don't realize these men are even there, because they're too busy fighting off the 20-40% of aggressive men approaching them.

However, if you don't like bars - neither one is right for you - you do want to find someone who has some of the same interests, and if he's there chances are you won't have that in common.
 xdelray
Joined: 2/3/2008
Msg: 27
where to find decent men
Posted: 5/26/2008 6:32:42 PM
where?....right here, baby.....
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