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Show ALL Forums  > Relationships  > Have You Ever Been Mentally or Physically Abused by a Partner      Home login  
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 HB2
Joined: 5/11/2005
Msg: 9
Have You Ever Been Mentally or Physically Abused by a PartnerPage 1 of 10    (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10)
yes I have and I left after the first time he hit me.....

The one I put up with emotionally abused me until I was no longer even a person to myself.

Can't do this right now....

BBL
 Double Cabin
Joined: 11/29/2004
Msg: 11
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 redneckgirl133
Joined: 11/18/2004
Msg: 13
Have You Ever Been Mentally or Physically Abused by a Partner
Posted: 6/1/2005 10:35:45 PM
I too had an abusive husband..but that was 16 years ago...To this day, if I hear shouting or fighting I just go numb...I seize up...He punched holes in the wall, smashed the TV...threw me against a wall....Those are things I don`t think you ever forget.....At least, I won`t..He has since cleaned his act up..No more drugs, booze etc....But I wonder if that kind of anger ever goes away??? I`ll never get close enough again to find out..redneckgirl133
 Lusty Kitty2
Joined: 5/23/2005
Msg: 14
Have You Ever Been Mentally or Physically Abused by a Partner
Posted: 6/1/2005 10:51:58 PM
yes, yes, and yes. It was not something that I will ever allow to happen again. You can't balme yourself when things like this happen. You always want to help them, and hope that they will realize how much they are hurting you and stop themselves. But these people need help, that you cant provide. I had to move away in the middle of the night to escape. I am lucky that I did finally wake up and get out.
We all look for someone who loves us and cherishes us, and sometimes we find the wrong ones. Just be strong and confident in the fact that you realized it was not healthy and got out. And say a prayer of strength for all of the people who are not in a position to leave an abusive realtionship.
 paintedpony
Joined: 3/26/2005
Msg: 15
Have You Ever Been Mentally or Physically Abused by a Partner
Posted: 6/1/2005 11:20:37 PM
both of my marriages were to physically and emotionally controlling and abusive men. but, i'm getting better, and i'm learning to pick better men, and to be more confident in myself.
 HAHANOW
Joined: 9/28/2004
Msg: 16
Have You Ever Been Mentally or Physically Abused by a Partner
Posted: 6/1/2005 11:26:57 PM
Yes & then I kicked his ass! That was the last time he ever raised a hand to me!
 Gentlmanlooking4alady
Joined: 2/6/2005
Msg: 17
Have You Ever Been Mentally or Physically Abused by a Partner
Posted: 6/2/2005 1:23:11 AM
Yes.....my exwife was mentally abusive.
 altmusicfan
Joined: 5/21/2005
Msg: 19
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Have You Ever Been Mentally or Physically Abused by a Partner
Posted: 6/2/2005 1:40:19 AM
Mentally and emotionally abused, yes. Took a long time just to get over the self loathing, years later I am still working on building the self esteem. The worse part is knowing that I have let chances not just slip away, I have pushed them away since then. I've not yet come to the point where I can rebuild trust in relationships, I'm still struggling with learning again to trust in myself.

I didn't lose my faith in relationships, it was stolen from me, taken for a joy ride, then sent over a cliff, crashing into the rocks below.
 carribeanking7
Joined: 4/10/2005
Msg: 22
Have You Ever Been Mentally or Physically Abused by a Partner
Posted: 6/2/2005 3:15:53 AM
Im at the other end of the spectrum..my ex-wife dared me to hit her..when I did not after several occasions...she made false police reports that I did........
mentally tortured me about the affair she was having.

being a former martial arts exponent I can do a lot of damage...but we are also taught self control...physical force is only to be deployed to defend yourself or defend someone who couldnt defend themselves....besides I have 2 boys ...when some days I was tempted to lash out...I remebered that many wife abusers grew up in homes where most likelytheir fathers abused their mums......I grew up in a happy home where mum & dad had the utmost respect for each other..so guys if you abuse your woman ...whatever she does......you need some major help...dont be sorry....I know a guy whos doing time -because he beat his wife so bad she had a miscarriage...hes a sorry sight now.

There is a lot of violence perpetrated by people who are insecure/lacking confidence....to them the only way to feel good is to abuse others.
 Diggy03
Joined: 4/7/2005
Msg: 26
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Have You Ever Been Mentally or Physically Abused by a Partner
Posted: 6/2/2005 4:45:03 AM
Yes.... and I believe most of us have on some level.

Abuse is abuse no matter what label you give it and IT'S NOT HEALTHY!!!!

What doesn't kill you makes you stronger. Take what you have learned and grow from it. No man or woman should ever go through any abuse we have experienced.

 HB2
Joined: 5/11/2005
Msg: 29
Have You Ever Been Mentally or Physically Abused by a Partner
Posted: 6/2/2005 6:24:27 AM
I worked long and hard to get myself back....
I'll never allow the loss of self to happen again!!!
PPL....don't just brush off ugly remarks your partner makes to you...that's just the beginning of abuse...
 YamIhere
Joined: 3/17/2005
Msg: 30
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Have You Ever Been Mentally or Physically Abused by a Partner
Posted: 6/2/2005 6:49:50 AM
I had a GF when I was a teen that beat the ever-living hell out of me. It’s kind of hard to explain when you’re 6’0”, 215 pounds and a 5’3” 120 pound girl kicks the crap out of you - on a fairly regular basis. I still have a light scar on my left cheek where her ring cut me. Mom raised a man that would never hit a woman. I had no idea how to handle what was happening. I had been in plenty of scraps with guys. Dad taught me how to deal with them. It finally ended when I had enough. I caught her fist in the air and screamed at her. It apparently put in enough fear into her that she thought twice about doing it ever again. I was relieved. And soon after, my umpteenth breakup try finally worked.
 HB2
Joined: 5/11/2005
Msg: 31
Have You Ever Been Mentally or Physically Abused by a Partner
Posted: 6/2/2005 6:59:10 AM
Yam...good for you!
However, I see nothing wrong with a man defending himself no matter who it is beating on him!
 YamIhere
Joined: 3/17/2005
Msg: 32
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Have You Ever Been Mentally or Physically Abused by a Partner
Posted: 6/2/2005 7:13:43 AM
I've never raised a hand to a woman and I never will. It's against the fabric of my very being.
 HB2
Joined: 5/11/2005
Msg: 33
Have You Ever Been Mentally or Physically Abused by a Partner
Posted: 6/2/2005 7:15:45 AM
to all us survivors::
 YamIhere
Joined: 3/17/2005
Msg: 35
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Have You Ever Been Mentally or Physically Abused by a Partner
Posted: 6/2/2005 7:24:32 AM
It’s amazing how our experiences shape who we are. I never really thought about it until now, but no wonder I have no trust in my judgement when it comes to women. One beat the hell out of me, another robbed me of a child and a third, my ex wife, whom I loved, cherished, respected and admired to no end, simply walked out of my life. And people, even those with an intimate knowledge of my history, wonder why I have no interest in being part to another relationship. Ha! If you put your hand into the snakes cage three times and it bit you every time, would you put your hand in there again? I don’t mean to equate women with snakes, but you get the picture. This should give my therapist and I some very interesting conversation fodder today.
 HB2
Joined: 5/11/2005
Msg: 36
Have You Ever Been Mentally or Physically Abused by a Partner
Posted: 6/2/2005 8:01:14 AM
Yam...don't tell him/her about my posts! OMFG!!!
Nobody should be abused but I have little sympathy these days for those who stay...there's too much help to be had nowadays!
 bobos
Joined: 5/27/2005
Msg: 66
Have You Ever Been Mentally or Physically Abused by a Partner
Posted: 6/5/2005 8:24:01 PM
to some point this is serious.coz that ***hole i used to like made me hate men.
its like abbusing was one of his best hobbies.he almost killed me when he poured petro
at my appartment burning everthing,prio to that he raped ma friend kate.i sometimes feel he did something to my younger bro stan.this man has made me charge not normal.but i do feel im abnomal,i would love to share wit you my xperience,but its too long if i start from the scrach.all the same i thank lord that im a live. i think i was too preety for him you know the ethiopian woman,i think this person realy hated himself more than anyone and his self esteem was at the basement
 smilincaligal198
Joined: 5/30/2005
Msg: 67
Have You Ever Been Mentally or Physically Abused by a Partner
Posted: 6/6/2005 2:38:04 AM
its tough. luckily you are rid of this person. i put up with a man for 4 years who did this to me. he beat me, called me names and cheated on me, then turned it around to make me feel like it was my fault. he evn slept with my best friend. pushed me through a door, slammed my head into a window. but theres only so much a person can take before you say enough. i wish it didnt take me 4 years. but a bit after him, i was dating another guy, and the pattern started to fall the same. but i learned from the previous guy. i became strong. and i stood up to him, and did NOT let him do that to me. so learn from your experience. it makes you so much stronger.
 a_vamp
Joined: 4/24/2004
Msg: 73
Have You Ever Been Mentally or Physically Abused by a Partner
Posted: 12/27/2005 7:07:09 AM
Yep... but we both ended up with spectacular black-eyes... don't really wanna talk about it...
 equip_girl
Joined: 7/27/2008
Msg: 74
Have You Ever Been Mentally or Physically Abused by a Partner
Posted: 8/30/2008 12:52:07 PM
What I don't understand, is why is there such wonderful women lining up to date men that treat them so bad?

The minute one smartens up and leaves someone who is mentally abusing them, there is another gal just waiting to jump in and take her place...
 autism_teacher
Joined: 8/20/2008
Msg: 78
Have You Ever Been Mentally or Physically Abused by a Partner
Posted: 8/30/2008 2:23:41 PM
I was in a 20 year relationship. I wished for his death often so that I could get out of the relationship. His abuse was very subtle. I was sucked in before I even knew what had happened. Within my first year of marriage I was pregnant, and ashamed of the decision that I had made in marrying him. I did not have transportation or any way to communicate with my friends or family. We had one vehicle and he drove it into town to carpool to work each day. By the time I had my son; I felt so low, useless, and worthless that words cannot describe the hatred that I felt for myself and my spouse. I fianlly left after 19 years and 3 children. He had the idea to go to a marriage counselor (his sisters idea), he thought that I was mentally unstable because I didn't cower in front of him anymore. He was afraid of my percieved strength. He was so wrong; it wasn't that I was strong. It was that I was resigned to the fact that he was going to kill me and I welcomed my own end. The counselor told me, after my husband yelled, cursed at, and degraded me in front of a complete stranger, that I needed to leave if not for my sake, then for the sake of my children. He put me in touch with people who helped me get out.

Now, here I am. A 42 year old single mother, afraid to go out and live life. I am still watched and followed. I have joined 2 online dating sites, but I am unsure of what I would do if anyone were actually interested. I have come to realize that I am worth someone else's time and I deserve happiness, but it has been a long, hard journey. I find it a daily challenge to be positive about myself and what I deserve. I don't know if I will ever be the person that I was 21 years ago.
 dysfunction_junction
Joined: 7/17/2008
Msg: 80
Have You Ever Been Mentally or Physically Abused by a Partner
Posted: 8/30/2008 3:31:53 PM
tina, i just wanted to say congratulations !!
from personal experience, i very much understand what you went through.
please always remember that you deserve much better.
the fact that you had the guts to leave means you're at least half-way home.
bravo!!
 Spitfire1956
Joined: 3/9/2008
Msg: 81
Have You Ever Been Mentally or Physically Abused by a Partner
Posted: 8/30/2008 7:24:36 PM
Tina, I'm am so glad that you are out of that relationship. My first husband was also very abusive. I went through alot of phsyical, mental and verbal abuse for 7 yrs. I was terrified of him, terrified to leave because I knew he would come after me-(which he did when I did leave him everytime) and drug me back to that house. The last time I did leave-I left the State - and he still came after me, but I had someone with me that protected me from him that time. That man also went to divorce court with me to make sure I made it out of town ok afterwards. But no matter what they say or promise- it never changes. It only gets worse each time. There are alot of women that never make it out, and they either end up dead physically- or emotionally the rest of their lives. I bear many scars- but also I gained alot from it too. I'm a much stronger person today that is able to take care of myself. I hope and pray that anyone in an abusive relationship seeks help someway and gets away from that mess. Life is so much better when your not being abused- believe me....
 Merrylass
Joined: 12/30/2007
Msg: 83
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Have You Ever Been Mentally or Physically Abused by a Partner
Posted: 8/31/2008 9:46:10 AM
The OP posted in 2005.


What I don't understand, is why is there such wonderful women lining up to date men that treat them so bad

Actually, what you don't understand is that the men don't 'treat them so bad' at the start. Obviously, no woman would stay with someone who is bad to them right off the bat. No, abusers are great at the beginning. They don't have horns and fangs, you know. They act, look, sound, like regular people because they are. And they do a fine job of wooing you very romantically. It's only when you're hooked that the abuse begins.
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