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Show ALL Forums  > Over 45  > Are men over 40 more afraid to approach women?      Home login  
 AUTHOR
 *mae* flowers
Joined: 1/15/2006
Msg: 7
Are men over 40 more afraid to approach women?Page 1 of 17    (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10, 11, 12, 13, 14, 15, 16, 17)
... I have definitely noticed that men seldom approach me...and I'm not sure why...

*hmmm...inconspicuously raises her arms above head....they do guarantee 8 hours of protection.


...maeflowers
 itechman63
Joined: 7/7/2005
Msg: 13
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Are men over 40 more afraid to approach women?
Posted: 4/28/2008 8:44:23 PM

many probably think most are taken if not married would be my guess.


Bingo!
 yepper1218
Joined: 10/4/2006
Msg: 15
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Are men over 40 more afraid to approach women?
Posted: 4/29/2008 3:34:26 AM
Well I guess I'm to shy I have never had the nerve to do it. I wish I could but a guess it is the fear of rejection I really do not know. God knows that there have been a few I would love to approach and talk with. Dating site seem to make it easier to approach someone I look at it this way what are they going to do stop talking with me. It just makes it easier .
 Sals815
Joined: 2/18/2006
Msg: 16
Are men over 40 more afraid to approach women?
Posted: 4/29/2008 4:31:55 AM
Guys over 40 are sick of getting ignored especially on Fish
I think the reason is the internet dating,
it is very easy to go to the next one if either
of you do not like a word spoken...and the women should
approach the guys and meet for coffee...what have you got to lose...
 rearguard*2
Joined: 2/8/2008
Msg: 17
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Are men over 40 more afraid to approach women?
Posted: 4/29/2008 6:10:53 AM
I hardly think that "afraid" is the word. Cautious is probably more close to the situation. One problem with a dating site is that there is the expectation that a contact is oriented towards moving towards a date or whatever. Personally, I like to have a pretty good idea of a woman's thoughts, background and likely interests before I think about dates, and that usually requires a bit of conversation. If I want to chat up someone to get a feel for what they are like, it doesn't necessarily mean that I will propose a date. There are also lots of women that I find interesting but would not likely wish to date for various reasons. So, what would be more convenient in some ways would be a chat room that you can develop your relationship within before having the implication of a date hanging over you.
 seeker1997
Joined: 5/8/2006
Msg: 19
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Are men over 40 more afraid to approach women?
Posted: 4/29/2008 7:45:04 AM
Just out in public many probably think most are taken if not married would be my guess.

I am sorry but I dont agree with your assessment. I think that the most important thing that I find at my age is the baggage. Most women i have met have an incredable amount of baggage and look for someone to unload it on.
I am sorry if you had a bad relationship and were hurt in the process but please remember that I am not him,I didnt do anything to you so please dont compare me with him ok?
 danger61
Joined: 4/21/2008
Msg: 25
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Are men over 40 more afraid to approach women?
Posted: 4/29/2008 12:32:21 PM
i believe we are whom we are .... and the laws now a days make a play in factor ....BUT hello girl i have a tee shirt that i wore ( my daughter made for me) that says "YES I AM SINGLE ASK ME ALREADY!" you have to be out there and be yourself ! life is like a garden.......you get something ripe and juicey sometimes? and other times? you just have to pull the weeds and compost it lol
 Karrpilot
Joined: 1/26/2007
Msg: 29
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Are men over 40 more afraid to approach women?
Posted: 4/29/2008 7:21:40 PM
I am not so much afraid to approach women as i am fed up with the excuses i know i am going to get. I just let them approach me. Wheather it be in real life or here on the internet.
 *mae* flowers
Joined: 1/15/2006
Msg: 31
Are men over 40 more afraid to approach women?
Posted: 4/29/2008 8:40:29 PM

One day I over heard a woman talking to her friend about how to spot single guys at the grocery store. She said that if a guy has a grocery list he is married or living with someone. I couldn't believe what I was hearing. I am divorced and I live alone.......but I have a grocery list every time I go shopping.


I always look to see how many prepared dinners they have in their cart... thats usually a sure sign, either that or their partner's out of town. Looks like I had better pay more attention to men with grocery lists haha



So I think the truth is neither gender really knows what to look for. How can anyone tell who is single or not?


...we should take lessons from the island folk and wear a flower behind our ear....now which side signifies martial status?

...maeflowers
 prof48
Joined: 3/17/2005
Msg: 35
Are men over 40 more afraid to approach women?
Posted: 4/30/2008 3:10:48 AM
Actually, there is an element of caution. Most of us have read news stories of women who appeared to be quick to charge stalking. Now whether the reality was more serious than the story we'll never know. But all of us also know and many have experience an end of a marriage where charges of "abuse" included stories that didn't jibe with external perceptions. While some of those stories may be true, there's plenty of evidence that others are at best over zealous in the telling. No one wants to spend two hours explaining to a police officer that they were just trying to be friendly with someone who appeared to be a charming lady. A first move on a ladies part reduces the risk significantly.

It is indeed a different time, for better and for worse.
 prof48
Joined: 3/17/2005
Msg: 38
Are men over 40 more afraid to approach women?
Posted: 4/30/2008 4:38:45 AM
It takes MUCH more than just one or two wolf whistles to have stalking even considered by legal standards. That includes keeping a diary.. having witnesses.. and.. a what would be considered a physical threat to do bodily harm.. before one can even press those charges. I don't think stalking or sexual harrassment suits are the cause of men not noticing

Your right. These things don't get to the suit stage because any lawyer, and most police officers for that matter, will tell the woman they don't have a case, but they are still a pain in the ass. I don't want to spend my time talking to a police officer or having to quickly exit a store because some woman has a bee in her bonnet because I said hello. These are not "normal" women but there are more out there than one wants to risk coming in contact with. I know a guy who sent flowers to a girl and she tried to file a complaint. He was my roomate at the time so I think I can argue reasonably convincingly that he was not in stalking mode. He was, in fact, a rather shy guy and it was his way of saying he was interested. Believe me, he didn't do it again while I knew him.

There's also the rather famous case on a college campus where some women were claiming "psychological rape" because a guy smiled at them. Now I wasn't there, so that "smile' may have been a leer, but the news coverage would make a gentleman think twice.
 MacKevinized
Joined: 2/15/2006
Msg: 40
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Are men over 40 more afraid to approach women?
Posted: 4/30/2008 4:50:46 AM
Being that the majority of women seem to hone their avoidance reactions as a way to 'choose' the most qualified suitor, it's not fear that makes men not wish to make an approach, it's experience.

Us guys know 9 out of 10 available women think we just want sex and no matter what is said, it gets convoluted into men just want sex. Now that leaves just 1 out of 10 women approachable but since they are approachable, they are only available for like, a minute before they get someone to go off and be happy with. And, she, most likely approached him!

When you won't settle for less than the best, what you deserve;
When you reiterate you don't want/like sex without something in return (a relationship);
When you reiterate on subjects like cheapskates, appearance, fear avoidance techniques;

You are demonstrating that you're unsettled, with a desire to manipulate sexual encounters and are too scared for anyone normal to approach.

This makes you attractive to the young guys with hidden cameras and guys that don't mind having sex with women they bicker with. They email in mass on the theory that after secretly desiring sex for way too long, some women will suddenly say OK and it seems to work or they'd give up.
 rearguard*2
Joined: 2/8/2008
Msg: 42
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Are men over 40 more afraid to approach women?
Posted: 4/30/2008 7:39:55 AM

I didn't even think about the psychotic women that make mountains out of molehills. That type of experience would definitely put any man off I'm sure


Certainly put me off...
 riverkeeper
Joined: 3/15/2008
Msg: 43
Are men over 40 more afraid to approach women?
Posted: 4/30/2008 8:14:29 AM
years ago riding the train home from work. i was sitting oposit an attractive woman in her 50s. i could not keep myself from looking at her. she had beautiful eyes and makeup. her toes were bright red matching her fingers. dressed quite well. at my stop as i got off walking by her i told her the reason for staring at her was i thought she was attractive. then i exited the train and went on my way. as i got to my truck in the parking lot the m.b.t.a. police were waiting for me to ask me why i was harassing this woman on the train. after checking my i.d. and checking me for outstanding warrents they let me go. that was the last time i ever talked to a woman i didnt know. something wrong with most women in the first place. i now avoid them.
 Ahoytheredave
Joined: 8/29/2006
Msg: 44
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Are men over 40 more afraid to approach women?
Posted: 4/30/2008 9:56:29 AM
As this thread has shown, there is more than one reason for the effect. I will add another to the list:
Now that I'm older, I have spent a lot more time with other married and divorced men in the discussions of what it takes to keep a wife or gf happy and out of the lawyer's office. In simple terms, its the two words "yes dear". There is the one exception of "does this make me look fat?" but that is a minor exception with only one acceptable answer itself. How much of our own freedom are we willing to give up for the benefits we gain from a relationship? If we men are the catch, we can assume we sacrifice less of ourselves than if we do the catching.
After a long marriage ended by the economics resulting from 9/11, I am very leary of personal investment in a relationship. I don't trust my own judgement in evaluating a women's motives for a relationship. Still I'm here, not completely burned out, but very selective.
At least on the internet, they aren't likely to call the police if I say "hi". I guess unread-delete is a lot like physical flight but that's life. At the store, sometimes, I have a grocery list but I never buy prepared dinners although I do often get the premeasured boxed side dish or baking mix and maybe a prepared bag salad. The comments about what women use to evaluate if a man is attached make me think I need to put a TV dinner in the basket while I shop and hide any shopping list I may have. I can always put the TV dinner back just before I check out. Maybe I can just get an empty TV dinner box to carry around and use the back for my hidden list!
 MacKevinized
Joined: 2/15/2006
Msg: 48
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Are men over 40 more afraid to approach women?
Posted: 4/30/2008 3:19:36 PM

I don't think you're saying very much for the woman in "your" relationship.. if you say she'd just sleep with you as a f*ck-buddy without the relationship. JMO


Glad you recognize it's just your opinion as I said nothing of the woman in 'my' relationship. 'tiss you speaking with distain and using those derogatory terms.

I have no fear of approaching anyone. It's knee-jerk reactions of approaching crazy women I avoid. I have always preferred women that demonstrated an ability to think about more than a few subjects, in other words, approachable.
 My I
Joined: 1/23/2007
Msg: 49
Are men over 40 more afraid to approach women?
Posted: 4/30/2008 3:57:25 PM
I'm cordial to women and have no problem striking up conversation. I sit back and observe her behaviour/personality. Quite regularly I am disappointed with the outcome. I simply choose to move on and forget I even considered approaching her.

I think many men don't approach women based on what they witness about the woman... that's where experience counts.

I wonder how many women think men don't approach them due to being "turned off" by her behaviour?
Not many, is my guess
**food for thought**
 Moonchild51
Joined: 3/11/2007
Msg: 50
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Are men over 40 more afraid to approach women?
Posted: 4/30/2008 4:02:36 PM
Heavens MI.....
How could I ever think a man was turned off by my behaviour??

Yada, yada...this message is too short to post....
 itechman63
Joined: 7/7/2005
Msg: 51
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Are men over 40 more afraid to approach women?
Posted: 4/30/2008 6:59:54 PM

Yada, yada...this message is too short to post....


Dontcha just hate that? Sometimes the opportunity for the best comic delivery can be just a one word response, and we can't do that here!
 My I
Joined: 1/23/2007
Msg: 54
Are men over 40 more afraid to approach women?
Posted: 4/30/2008 8:03:46 PM

No, it's just that we all get uglier with age, and we are not too appetizing!
Tough, it happens to everybody!


Not true. Many women age gracefully and look very appealing/sensual. I know many who qualify as such. If I was looking for a long term relationship, I'd be more apt to date my age or older..... without hesitation. Problem being (apparently)... I don't own a Harley.
 Madrid62
Joined: 5/14/2007
Msg: 59
Are men over 40 more afraid to approach women?
Posted: 5/1/2008 8:11:59 PM
Hi itech,

I would not mind approaching you!!
 Ahoytheredave
Joined: 8/29/2006
Msg: 63
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Are men over 40 more afraid to approach women?
Posted: 5/2/2008 7:11:58 AM
I read lots of women's profiles and I contact some but I am very guilty of not following through quickly in the event I actually do get a response. Its a matter of priorities in my schedules and my confidence that the internet date and I will actually have enough mutual interest to grow a bond. The system limits of POF make the searching process difficult in that there are no folders to put people of interest in except "favorites" and too many people misinterpret the importance of that. They want immediate action or nothing and some of us aren't ready to reschedule based on the rather slim odds. I read comments in the forums from women who see their profile listed in someone's favorites but they don't get contacted right away. and figure the guys is some stalker or pervert. I would like to know how I feel about the person over time.

A very common desire I see in the women's profiles is a desire for some man to be totally swept away by someone he sees in a thumbnail picture and an all too short self description. At the same time, they want the fairy tail prince charming who posssess the opposing attributes of a "bad boy" and a loyal, faithful, devoted slave. It's no wonder they(we) are single. I have never been the "bad boy" and I know many bad boys I doubt could ever be trusted.

We're older now, its time for reality. Few, if any of us, can get anywhere on sex appeal alone. If sex appeal is all that you're selling, don't expect any real "long term" type guys to respond. There are plenty of "sexy" women who do that for a living and don't expect committment. I would suggest you try selling you the person who is ready to have an interest in someone else while being the interesting person you already are. If you contact me, be patient. Most of my spare time is already scheduled and it takes time to get to know someone.
 djs5454
Joined: 5/19/2006
Msg: 70
Are men over 40 more afraid to approach women?
Posted: 5/2/2008 4:58:21 PM
I get more glances from older men, and more approaches from younger men. When I do contact older men they would say, as mentioned above, that they are glad I made first contact and was too shy to do so. I noticed as I get older the approaches are less in number, one because we (men and women) are more mature and looking at the whole picture and I guess a bit insecure of acceptance. Oh they are interested thats for sure. But are we over looking them?
 *mae* flowers
Joined: 1/15/2006
Msg: 72
Are men over 40 more afraid to approach women?
Posted: 5/2/2008 5:56:26 PM
By the time we finally figured out the women didn't want us chasing them. They up
and wondered why we stopped chasing them. Enough years passed during the chasing
stage that we wore out and they wore out And then my darling ,my dear, the ladies
got indignant and wondered if it was their fault or our fault that they didn't seem appealing. Actually, we still promenade and chase...it's just at our own pace.
God ain't made nuthin' better for a ol' fool man than a woman. 'Cept maybe
an ol' fool woman.
Skunk...Just struttin' by with my Tail in the Air!


...This is uncanny. My gal pals and I were discussing this very topic at lunch today
Friend # 1....I think its all about the chase, men really love the chase.

Friend # 2...Yeah and as soon as they catch you they realize they really didn't want to catch you.

Me.....Did you two join POF?

BTW...Love the new pic skunky


...maeflowers
 Roxanne00
Joined: 10/30/2006
Msg: 75
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Are men over 40 more afraid to approach women?
Posted: 5/2/2008 7:34:41 PM
"YES I AM SINGLE ASK ME ALREADY!"

lol! That was a great idea!
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