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Show ALL Forums  > Relationships  > Re: It's a set up.      Home login  
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 forthebeauty
Joined: 7/14/2004
Msg: 3
Re: It's a set up.Page 1 of 2    (1, 2)
Umm jimi, Its called being a man haha. Its not a set up. In my personal expireince when
I am with a guy I do things for him cause I love him. simple. If I dont want to do it the next day for whatever reason, he accepts that cause he loves me. As far as the money thing goes I do get personal early on because I have had losers in the past I have to ask about their work habits, and thier living arrangements because me personally doenst want that kind of man again. I dont want to support him no more than I want him to support me. just my thoughts
 forthebeauty
Joined: 7/14/2004
Msg: 4
Re: It's a set up.
Posted: 9/19/2004 11:24:47 AM
Good for u pakana I taught my son the same. He is in the army now at 17, and doing his own thing. Mom will always be there for him, if not in body, in soul. In a relationship its all about making the other happy to make u happy does that make sense?
 SenileGranny
Joined: 7/3/2004
Msg: 5
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Re: It's a set up.
Posted: 9/19/2004 11:47:33 AM
When I first started dating my ex-hubby...I was so impressed...he had his own house, it was clean etc....little did I know, his mother came to his house every day to cook and clean for him. He could not survive with out a female to look after him. I made sure my boys learned to cook and clean at an early age, figgured my future daughter in laws would love me for it, lol.
My oldest son is dating a girl right now that won't allow him to do anything around the house....it's funny to watch him try to prove to her that he can cook...he is 6 ft 5 she is 5 ft 2...chases him out of the kitchen with a wooden spoon. But at least I know he doesn't NEED a woman, he has the time to 'shop for the RIGHT one'.
 SenileGranny
Joined: 7/3/2004
Msg: 8
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Re: It's a set up.
Posted: 9/19/2004 1:45:55 PM
you are right jimi77. Alot of men do expect us to wait on them, or have 'that's women's work' attitudes. Its very refreshing and almost surprising to find a guy who will say, ''hey, we both worked 8 hours today, you wash, I'll dry.''
But since I've never grown out of being a tom-boy, I'm looking for a guy who will cook supper while I change the oil in the car
 forthebeauty
Joined: 7/14/2004
Msg: 12
Re: It's a set up.
Posted: 9/20/2004 6:59:26 AM
jimi, Ben loves this kind of discussion!!!!! Alot of men do think that way, as well as alot of women. I live in the country, and most of the folks around here believe, the man goes out to work while the wifey stays home cooks cleans and has kids. maybe in about 20 years it will come around here, the modern life haha
 silken
Joined: 8/19/2004
Msg: 13
Re: It's a set up.
Posted: 9/20/2004 7:18:58 AM
Ok boys calm down before you lose the "plays well with others" points on your report card. ;)

silken
 silken
Joined: 8/19/2004
Msg: 14
Re: It's a set up.
Posted: 9/20/2004 11:59:02 AM
Hi Texasgator, I understand what you mean about our family backgrounds causing us to have distorted views of how relationships/families work... I think a lot of us have come from one parent homes and from all kinds of situations where we did not have the ideal family model.... unfortunately I see a lot of people who let fears from their own past cause them to be really destructive about their relationships. Many times it's simply that we don't know how relationships are supposed to work if we've never really been around one. I know I run into his problem... that and having a problem understanding men because I was not around them growing up.

silken
 silken
Joined: 8/19/2004
Msg: 18
Re: helpless men
Posted: 9/21/2004 8:57:41 AM
On the subject of a woman liking a helpless man....

Ok, here's my two cents on this....

I enjoy being *inter*dependent... both bringing something to the table to benefit the other partner (and I like it best when it's something along traditional lines, seems sweeter and more satisfying that way...;)

Now I am VERY unhandy, I cannot put a nail in the wall (believe me, I ruined one wall trying to hang a keyholder.) It's not for lack of effort either, I just am really really BAD at doing that kind of stuff. I am the kind of girl who will spend 2 hours trying to fix something and then end up in tears because I've made it worse... that's me. However, I can cook decently, I can bake, I give a fabulous backrub I've been told and I can do other helpful things that tend to be moreso in the traditionally female arena.

Soooooooooooooo yes, I tend to enjoy being with a guy who may be a little bit lost in the kitchen or not so good at mending a tear in his shirt, etc. but who can fix things/change the oil in the car, etc. Why? Because I know I need his skills and I also feel good when I see that he needs mine. I'm not saying that I am looking for a lazy man who just wants me to do everything for him, but I enjoy cooking for a boyfriend... it brings me pleasure. He can cook sometimes too of course but since I can't fix something for him (other than a torn shirt or a nice meal or such) and I can't build him anything cute for his house, etc. etc. well I enjoy doing my part for him by making him a nice meal or maybe lending a hand at some other task that I might be more skilled in like sewing. :)

Maybe it's just me but when I meet a guy who tells me how self-sufficient he is, what a fabulous cook and housekeeper, etc. ... I mean yes it's admirable but it makes me just a little sad because it feels like I can't really any skills to the table that would really be a benefit to him and like he will be the only one bringing something I need. Don't men get that feeling too when they hear women say how they don't need a man because they can do everything for themselves? Guys doesn't that bother you in some little way to not feel needed by the opposite sex?

silken
 silken
Joined: 8/19/2004
Msg: 21
Re: helpless men
Posted: 9/22/2004 6:32:03 AM
Thanks Jimi. That's how I feel. Like I said once before in another thread, I do believe in the 'original design' of relationships and find they offer the most satisfaction. ;)

And yes Jammer, cooking and backrubs. I find those 2 things men seem to enjoy and appreciate and I can do them! ;) I had one boyfriend who was really not very good at cooking or laundry and he worked all day in a tool and die shop so he certainly had a sore back and enjoyed a good back massage at the end of the day. When he and I were dating I would typically cook him dinner and then pack his lunch for him... not because he asked me to but because it gave me pleasure. I got a kick out of him telling me how the other guys at work were getting jealous becasue he was showing up at work all decked out with these nice lunches (I'd usually make him lunch from the supper's leftovers so sometimes it would be steak and potatoes, etc.) while the other guys at work were having bologna sandwiches and such. ;) hehe I have to say sometimes it drove me to want to make even nicer lunches just to hear the 'report' when he got home about the looks and comments he got from the other guys. ;) hehe I used to help him out once in awhile too by doing his laundry when he was working long hours. It actually felt nice to be able to do something like that for him so that he didn't have to worry about it after doing a long shift. Besides, washing and putting his clothes away was kind of like 'playing house' and I got a kick out of it once in awhile. ;)

Now before anybody screams 'doormat' or something because I was doing this stuff, it was my choice to do it, he wasn't asking me to and in return he was the one who was there when I needed something put together (you know when you buy a piece of furniture or something and it has to be assembled...) or if I needed the vaccuum fixed, etc. He also would drive me different places if I didn't feel like driving, would take me out for dinner, etc. He didn't complain about doing handy things for me so I don't see why I would complain for taking care of the food for him or doing a load of laundry once in awhile. And besides, once in awhile if I didn't feel like cooking I would just tell him so and we would either eat out, pick up something ready-made at the deli or he would cook -- he didn't complain if I didn't want to cook.

Just one note on this... make sure you appreciate your partner when they are doing things to take care of you and do things to take care of them too. Usually when people complain it's because they feel they aren't being appreciated or that their efforts are not being reciprocated. I find this often happens when a relationship is on the downswing. It eventually happened between him and I before we broke up.

silken

 forum101
Joined: 2/5/2008
Msg: 22
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Sisters are doing it to themselves
Posted: 7/11/2009 5:21:02 PM
This thread has been brought back from 2004.
My dear grandfather was a bachelor/widower, all the years I knew him as a kid. He always said, "no one has the right to expect anyone to cook for or clean up after them." It kind of stuck with me. I sons, ages 19 and 20 have been cooking and cleaning since they were small, well the cooking came later, but they have done their own laundry since they were 12 years old. They like to cook different things, experiment in the kitchen. Some girl is going to be lucky to get either of them. They have been raised to respect all people, not just women.
They started when they were 4 and 5 years old with a can of scrubbing bubbles in the bathroom. They could spray and wipe all they wanted. It is like shaving cream. The rest is history.
 Arabianangel
Joined: 6/9/2007
Msg: 23
Re: It's a set up.
Posted: 7/11/2009 5:44:24 PM
This is the exact reason why I give my sons chores. My mother spoilt my brothers rotten, and I swore I would never make the same mistake.
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