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Joined: 3/11/2007
Msg: 2
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is it rape if...Page 1 of 21    (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10, 11, 12, 13, 14, 15, 16, 17, 18, 19, 20, 21)
Umm Sugarbaby?
Does this post have anything to do with your post about your boss, you getting drunk, him taking advantage and now you have herpes? Gosh, g/f you sound as though you live a very "volatile" life at best??? Not meaning offense here, but I would take a break from dating and do some soul searchin! Good luck
Joined: 8/12/2007
Msg: 4
is it rape if...
Posted: 5/5/2008 9:07:12 AM
consult a legal source for proper answers, all you'll get here are comments from all types of people.
IMHO if you are around a guy who is obviously interested in having sex, and you are not, then you should not drink and allow things to progress to the point where your judgement is impaired.
The laws are funny and may blame him for taking advantage of you. but I say this: it's no different than if you get busted for drunk driving... whose fault is it.... yours for drinking or the bars fault for selling the drinks to you?

take ownership of your actions,learn from your experience, you ain't the first nor the last to regret things done whilst under the influence!!
 Gangster Kitten
Joined: 4/3/2008
Msg: 5
is it rape if...
Posted: 5/5/2008 9:12:22 AM
This is the very reason why I don't take women home from the bars. I mean, if we're chatting and drinking early in the night and eventually end up going home, that's kinda different but still iffy.

But I absolutely will not take home drunk girls that hit on me late at night when I'm having a drink, I'm pretty sure it is considered rape, if they ever decide to press charges.
 Adam Taylor
Joined: 5/11/2006
Msg: 6
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is it rape if...
Posted: 5/5/2008 9:17:24 AM
No, it's not.

Rape is someone forcing themselves on you after you've clearly stated that you're not interested. It's when it happens, even while you're trying to stop them.

Getting drunk and sleeping with someone you didn't want to sleep with isn't rape. It's stupidity.

You weren't interested... he kept pressuring you. And you just sat there and kept drinking with him? Sorry, while the guy might be a total ***hole and all... you had every chance to get yourself out of the situation. YOU decided to stay. YOU decided to keep drinking. Then YOU decided to just "go with it".
It was your call.

As someone else said... it's stupid situations like these that belittle the REAL rape cases out there. It's people who claim they were raped simply because they realized what a stupid decision they made after the fact.
There are thousands out there who are suffering from the real problem out there. Who have to deal with all the pain and misery and trauma from being raped. So don't come crying just because you couldn't use your head.
Joined: 7/28/2007
Msg: 7
is it rape if...
Posted: 5/5/2008 9:37:20 AM
Only thing you could do (could have done), is get your blood tested for drugs or something. If you are a light weight when it comes to alcohol, and a lot of women are, then it is up to the woman to make better judgement. I don't know how it is everywhere but they just recently in Canada (in the last decade sometime), ruled that you can't say you were raped just because you were drunk.
Joined: 9/19/2006
Msg: 9
is it rape if...
Posted: 5/5/2008 10:13:53 AM
I won't add anything to this, other a lawyer! See what they have to say on this matter. You might have been drugged!
Joined: 10/14/2005
Msg: 10
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is it rape if...
Posted: 5/5/2008 10:30:45 AM
OP this situation seems to be plaguing you enough to bring it out into the public forum. You need to secure a lawyer in order to tell them you story and they can direct you in the direction you should take in this case! One big suggestion - DON'T DRINK! Especially don't drink with someone trying to have sex with you - that you do not desire!
Joined: 4/21/2008
Msg: 14
is it rape if...
Posted: 5/5/2008 11:38:39 AM
Thank you Adam T and a few of the others who pointed all of that out.

OP no it wasn't rape, while you said no at first you didn't leave, you didn't ask for help, and you kept drinking. This reminds me of that other thread that is a whole bunch of pages long and the very same topic.

You walked away from your experience with a parting gift apparently, and I'm sorry for that, but you need to own up to your mistakes because no one can do it for you.
Take it as a really hard learning lesson and ask yourself if you will allow something like that to happen again?
Joined: 7/23/2006
Msg: 22
is it rape if...
Posted: 5/5/2008 6:27:38 PM
Getting drunk and sleeping with someone you didn't want to sleep with isn't rape. It's stupidity.

I think this statement is dead on and probably fits the original scenario. Unless the guy held you against your will, you should have just left. And left looooooooong before you were trashed.

I am not trying to bash you, but damn! The guy makes heavy advances and you still stick around get drunk with him? It is almost asking for trouble. Not that it is a valid excuse, but common sense should have kicked in at some point.

If he had held you against your will and forcefully assaulted you, then it's rape. Staying and getting drunk, then partaking in sex because he wont stop trying isn't rape, it's stupidity.

Was this at a house or a club?
Joined: 5/3/2006
Msg: 24
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is it rape if...
Posted: 5/5/2008 8:23:53 PM
I'm sorry to hear what happened to you, but there is a lot of misunderstanding about what rape is. I am not surprised that the definition to a lot of men is not only legally incorrect, but morally wrong. In California, U.S.A. there are numerous types of rape. Briefly; there must be consent, or implied consent from a person (women) that has the capacity to consent. Cases of unlawful sex with someone under the age of consent, suffering from a mental illness, intoxicated, under the influence of drugs even asleep can and have been prosecuted as rape. As long as there is sufficient evidence that there was no consent, or legal ability to consent. It's rape!
Joined: 9/20/2007
Msg: 25
It isn't rape if you CONSENT!!!
Posted: 5/5/2008 8:57:34 PM

If in your own words, you "just go with it", then how can that be forced sex? You are still responsible for your actions in spite of any alcohol you may have consumed. If the drink(s) were spiked, then it would be entirely different

Regret is NOT rape!!!

Pity sex is NOT rape.

Cases like this are what make women and men NOT come forward. It propogates the idea that rape suvivors WANT to be raped and that no one is actually raped. Good job, though. Glad you're able to bring women back to the status of petty property. We have no free will, so if someone touches us it is a violation once someone finds out.
If he is threatening you or a loved one and you beg him to wear a condom, while still begging him not to do it, or hurt your family, it is rape. Being a drunken tease at an office party and regreting acting like a slut is NOT rape.

If you are not capable of living as an adult, have yourself committed. The world is NOT responsible to keep your legs shut for you. We are responsible to keep you from being violated and do our best to bring justice to you when it happens, anyway.
Joined: 12/6/2007
Msg: 28
is it rape if...
Posted: 5/6/2008 1:06:45 AM
Adam Taylor (message #7) and also happy rebel (message #10) answer this question quite what they had to say.
Joined: 5/14/2007
Msg: 29
is it rape if...
Posted: 5/6/2008 5:13:18 AM
I would dare say that the person who sat there and got drunk needs counseling and self esteem, strength and courage. They obviously don't hvae any self respect for themselves.

If one sits with someone that they know is
controlling, manipulative authority figure who intimidates you
, you have placed yourself in a vulnerable situation.

Taking advantage of someone is dirty. They have no respect for the opposite sex. Knowing you were placing yourself in that situation was stupid. Plain and simple.

Rape? No. Sorry. You placed yourself in that situation and went with the flow. Not only that, you knew you were getting drunk and continued to drink more. That's not an excuse. He did not force himself upon you with you kicking and screaming. You went with it.

Sad situation, but girl, you need some help. Professional help. Counseling to raise your self esteem and maybe you should learn to NOT put yourself in those positions. You could have gotten up and walked away at any time. No matter how
controlling, manipulative authority figure who intimidates you
is. They can only be that way with you because you allow them to.
Joined: 4/21/2008
Msg: 30
is it rape if...
Posted: 5/6/2008 10:28:28 AM
^^^^^^ yup.
No one is saying that the guy did nothing wrong, he was an Ahole, but there are no laws for that. Just like there are no laws for people that are stupid.

It wasn't rape though and to say it was is absolutely wrong. There are so many other options the OP could have chosen and she didn't. If the guy was her boss, she could have files a harrassment complaint at work (they are taken very seriously now days), she could have left the bar that she chose to go to with the guy.
She could have gone to the bar tender asking him to call her a cab and let him know that the guy was bothering her ( they help because they do not want to loose business).
She also could have yelled for help when he cornered her in the bathroom. She said she didn't do anything like that. All she did is tell him no she wasn't going to have sex with him, but then later just 'gave in'. None of that is rape.
With all the info out there now days she should have known what her options were as far as the work front and filing a complaint with HR about him. They do have meetings when your hired that cover this type of thing.
Joined: 3/2/2008
Msg: 33
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is it rape if...
Posted: 5/6/2008 11:11:01 PM
It all depends on where you live.

In some states it's not rape, in others it is. There are also varying lengths of time for women to decide whether they've been raped or not based on the law where they live.

The best place to get this question answered is a lawyer's office.

My recommendation is to not drink if you're a featherweight unless you are with a handler. I can't handle alcohol all that well so only drink at home or if somebody else is there who I know will take care of me.
Joined: 3/2/2008
Msg: 34
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is it rape if...
Posted: 5/6/2008 11:14:32 PM
caesar08 - it's unfortunate but in most jurisdictions in the US it has been determined the only way a woman can rape a man is anally with a dildo. Even then it's iffy. It's been determined that the biological fact of arousal is enough to overide any objections the man has to sex. For some reason the courts have decided to throw medicine aside for the age old stupidity of, "he can control himself".
Joined: 11/30/2007
Msg: 36
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is it rape if...
Posted: 5/7/2008 7:28:16 PM
Legally, it is rape.

Sorry if that hurts some people's feelings, but in every state I checked, using intoxicants to reduce resistance is clearly defined as (rape/unlawful sexual contact/sexual assault).

I can provide numerous links to the statutes in various states.

It's also extremely uncool, aside from being a felony in most of them. (it is a 3rd or 4th degree felony in Colorado, depending on the exact details of how, etc... intentionally giving very strong or drugged drinks probably makes it 3rd degree.)
Joined: 11/30/2007
Msg: 38
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is it rape if...
Posted: 5/7/2008 8:59:14 PM

initially, i'd say yes, he kept harassing you...but as i read further down, you stated, "you just go with it"...since you were "SO drunk". at that point, it's not anymore.

That's pretty much the point of using chemical intoxicants (like alcohol) to reduce resistance... eventually, the girl either passes out or says yes to get you to shut up. Both cases constitute felony sexual assault. So does using GHB, rohypnol, or rufies.

Taking off her clothes while she washed her hands is unlawful sexual contact, too. Another class 1 misdemeanor that gets you listed as a sex offender.
Joined: 5/3/2006
Msg: 39
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is it rape if...
Posted: 5/7/2008 9:32:31 PM
MSG 32-Let me add that since posting getting a female so intoxicated that her ability to consent is impaired and is considered rape legally. There were very many men and surprisingly women also that disagreed very strongly about this. For a while I thought I was going to be the only one that held this opinion. Some rationalized what happen as just bad judgment on the part of the OP. Well as adults, we are all suppose to use good judgment even when other adults are not, or better yet not able too because of alcohol intoxication. I caution those that have this predatory behavior to get a woman very drunk and then take advantage of her. Try having this argument while in handcuffs and going through the legal process. Serving time and then having to register as a sex offender would really suck for just chasing after some drunk tail.
Joined: 11/30/2007
Msg: 40
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is it rape if...
Posted: 5/7/2008 9:47:40 PM
To quote Sublime:

Let me tell you about a girl I know,
had a drink about a hour ago.
Sitting in a corner by herself, in a bar in downtown Hell.

She heard a noise and she looked through the door.
And saw a man she'd never seen before.
Light skin, light blue eyes, a double-chin and a plastic smile.
Well, her heart raced as he walked through the door
And took an empty seat next to her at the bar.
"My brand new car is parked right outside. How'd ya like to go for a ride?"
And she said."Wait a minute I have to think."
He said, "That's fine. May I please buy you a drink"
One drink turned into 3 or 4 and they left and got into his car
and drove someplace real far.

Now babe the time has come.
How'd ya like to have a little fun?
And she said." If we could only please be on our way, I will not run."

That's when things got out of control.
She didn't want to, he had his way.
She said, "Let's Go"
He said, "No Way!"
Come on babe it's your lucky day.
Shut your mouth, were gonna do it my way.
Come on baby don't be afraid,
if it wasn't for date rape I'd never get laid.

He finished up and he started the car
He turned around and drove back to the bar.
He said."Now baby don't be sad, in my opinion you weren't half-bad."
She picked up a rock.,threw it at the car, hit him in the head ,now his got a big scar.
Come on party people won't you listen to me.
Date Rape Stylee.

The next day she went to her drawer, look up her local attorney at law,
went to the phone and filed the police report and then she took the guy's ass to court.
Well, the day he stood in front of the judge he screamed, " She lies that little slut!"
The judge knew that he was full of shit and he gave him 25 years
And now his hearted is filled with tears.

One night in jail it was getting late.
He was butt-raped by a large inmate, and he screamed.
But the guards paid no attention to his cries.

That's when things got out of control.
The moral of the date rape story, it does not pay to be drunk and horny.
But that's the way it had to be.
They locked him up and threw away the key.
Well, I can't take pity on men of his kind,
even though he now takes it in the behind.

She didn't want to TAKE IT
Joined: 3/23/2008
Msg: 42
is it rape if...
Posted: 5/10/2008 1:59:29 PM
you should have left after the first drink..why did you stay? so you could get drunk?
Joined: 4/4/2008
Msg: 43
is it rape if...
Posted: 5/10/2008 2:11:21 PM
No, it isn't rape...Its rude and its wrong, but it's not rape.
Joined: 12/29/2006
Msg: 44
is it rape if...
Posted: 5/12/2008 9:16:08 AM
she stayed so she could get drunk f u c k e d and put the blame on someone else ====drama queen slut
Joined: 1/17/2008
Msg: 46
is it rape if...
Posted: 6/10/2008 8:36:51 AM
OP..... you make girls everywhere look bad by asking such an ignorant question. There is no grey area to what happened. Own up to your own drunken mistake and learn from it.

I never accept drinks from men. Even if I am interested, I buy my own. Unfortunately, most men in society believe that if they buy you something that you owe them. If you can't control yourself no matter how much you have had to drink, you have no business drinking. We have all made mistakes and done things we regret, but how dare someone externalize their own self blame onto someone else.

Rape is a serious allegation and it happens often, but cases like yours make it harder for women who have truly been assaulted to receive justice. Take responsibility for your own actions. "Finally giving in" does not qualify it as rape. By saying that you just admitted that you went along with his actions and he did not force himself upon you.

It would probably be in your best interest to stay out of the bars and away from men until you fully understand the consequences for your own actions. JMO

Joined: 1/17/2008
Msg: 47
is it rape if...
Posted: 6/10/2008 8:42:19 AM

I love Sublime, but that song is quite inappropriate. Unfortunately it truly depicts what happens to so many people. Not so funny when you think about it being your mom or your sister though huh?
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