Plentyoffish dating forums are a place to meet singles and get dating advice or share dating experiences etc. Hopefully you will all have fun meeting singles and try out this online dating thing... Remember that we are the largest free online dating service, so you will never have to pay a dime to meet your soulmate.
     
Show ALL Forums  > Creative/Writing  > lydias spiritual journey-- a ghostly tale      Home login  
 AUTHOR
 Diablera Bruja
Joined: 4/11/2008
Msg: 1
lydias spiritual journey-- a ghostly talePage 1 of 1    
Lydia packed her few belongings into the battered brown suitcase.Once again she was moving to a new family."what a waste of time" she thought scornfully."They just do it for the money", "they don't care about me". She stared out the window at the approaching Social worker .She was a tall sternfaced woman with a purposeful walk . The door bell pealed and Lydia took a deep breath."So it begins again" she thought "the farce that is my life"."If I was worth something my mum would not have left me to strangers"."My dad would have wanted me"!.Lydia sat on the bed immersed in self pity and chewing a well bitten nail."My family did not want me so why should anyone else"Lydia thought sadly. A sharp knock roused Lydia from her musings and her Social worker entered the room. "Ready Lydia" she said briskly.Lydia preceded her from the room and went downstairs to bid farewell to her foster parents. They both hugged her awkwardly. They had never understood the complex , silent girl who had lived with them for the last year,She seemed to them , to be, locked behind impenetrable walls.She left without a backward glance and got into the health officials car and sped away to her new life.
The car stopped in front of an old fashioned cottage, surrounded by fencing and adorned with flowers, in a variety of pots and receptacles.The scent of roses and something indefinable lingered in the air.Lydia looked up and caught a brief sighting of what looked like an old lady at the dormer window.Something impelled her to look up again , but then a smiling dark haired woman came out of the house and before she knew it, Lydia was enfolded in warm enfolding arms."Welcome to Spiorad cottage" the woman said gently "we have been waiting for you Lydia".The woman showed Lydia upstairs to her room and asked her to freshen up while she spoke to the Social worker privately."Dumped already" thought Lydia sulkily.She looked around the room moodily, it was pretty and feminine and had a relaxing atmosphere.She put her case on the bed and unpacked her few belongings into the cupboards.Her thoughts swirled in her head, she felt so many emotions,but could not identify their source or cause.Suddenly from behind her she heard a gentle laugh.
She twirled around in shock , to see an old lady sitting at the window. "Who are you shrilled "Lydia, "when did you come in."The lady gazed back at Lydia unwaveringly. Her eyes were steady and held a gentle loving gleam."I am grace" she said, "I am knowledge", "I am self knowing"," I am self acceptance" and I am love". "Love" scorned Lydia" I have seen precious little of that"."So much bitterness "replied the lady "it must weigh heavy on your shoulders.""So you feel you are not loved" the lady inquired."My mum has dumped me and my dad" Lydia replied "and this is my fifth foster home so yes I do feel unloved and worthless"."Would you blame me!!!" Lydia finished."Who says you are worthless "the lady answered, "who ascertains your value, if not you yourself.""Who regulates your thoughts but you, who rejects you but you" the lady continued."Self defeating thoughts are weighing you down Lydia"."What would happen if you relaxed and just enjoyed what is now, if you thought a different way"? the lady softly questioned."What do you mean"? said Lydia nervously. There was something ethereal and intense about the ladies demeanor. Her eyes glowed and seemed to see inside Lydia, to her very soul. Yet she felt trust and peace for the first time in her life.
 Diablera Bruja
Joined: 4/11/2008
Msg: 2
lydias spiritual journey-- a ghostly tale
Posted: 5/8/2008 12:07:02 PM
"Why did n,t my mum love me "Lydia asked the lady suddenly. "I did not think that one up , its a fact".The lady stood up and glided across the room , her long skirts brushing the floor.She sat in the chair nearest to Lydia and mused silently.She smiled and began to speak."Well Lydia , it because she did not have that life skill "she answered. "It was nothing you did or were or were not!!, she was just not capable of being what you wanted" Being able to love yourself and others is a skill, we learn from example and through life."It is an intelligence in itself, that people have varying amounts of". "It was not personal or about you but about her and her own issues." the lady asserted."You can learn this skill, and with it, tolerance, compassion and understanding."Lydia stopped and thought deeply,. "What about the past , I have never felt or seen love so how can I learn it now". said Lydia sadly."You cannot control or change the past Lydia " the lady replied " just absorb its lessons and not repeat them."You do have the present moment and thats it , but nothing else."Why not feel love today in this moment".The lady walked to the window and looked out onto the tree laden garden. She pointed out a beautiful Oak tree to Lydia."Look at that tree Lydia "she said "it is strong, because it is firmly rooted in the earth"."It has a strong foundation at its base, that feeds the whole structure and its leaves. "It is fixed in the earth , yet reaches for the sun with joy and fervor. Its energy is one of renewal and growth.Its energy runs through it like a fiery river, carrying power and life"It is self contained and nourishes itself from the earth.It does not leach from other trees."You are no different to that tree" she finished."I never thought of a tree as a living thing in that way before" said Lydia.
Everything on the earth is based on energy " said the lady . "You are based on the same energy and are full of power , just like the mighty Oak.You need to create for yourself a strong foundation of self worth and self acceptance.Let the roots of these things grow and go deep .Grow long strong branches of self respect and strength of mind.Become self contained, take personal responsibility and do not blame others for your flaws or misfortunes"."The Oak has a hard durable surface but gives shade and fruit to the birds. So you can be tough but also giving and fruitful."Lydia walked back to the bed and sighed. "When your family reject you it is hard to accept yourself" she said softly.The lady sat beside Lydia and looked into her eyes.It was like looking into a maelstrom of luminous colours,first green then blue then violet."Sometimes" the lady whispered "we are the ones who reject first, because we are afraid of pain or we deliberately find flaws that justify our decision to run away from love and intimacy."Fear rules our lives , when really we have nothing to lose at all."What do you mean , nothing to lose!! demanded Lydia."Rejection hurts!!, "You can only reject yourself" the lady answered."A person may reject, insult or criticize you, but it only hurts, if you agree with it ,yourself inside,, if it strikes a chord".It only hurts if it is an already internalized belief". she finished."Build your self belief and self worth and you will be able to withstand the hard blows of life."I am just thirteen said Lydia how can I do this."I will help you" said the lady."Become self contained like the Oak" it started as a sapling and grew strong , so can you. Lydia jumped as the door opened and the lady of the house walked in. "I knocked twice Lydia she said "Are you ok?"."Let me introduce myself , I am Marie Reilly" she said" I am so glad to meet you.""Lydia stayed silent. The Lady had vanished into thin air."Come down stairs and meet my husband"Marie said warmly.Lydia walked down stairs into the toasty kitchen and weirdly felt at home."This is my husband John " she said gesturing to a tall , ruddy faced man at the table.He smiled a crinkly smile and Lydia croaked hello in return."Perhaps this place might be different" she thought.
 Diablera Bruja
Joined: 4/11/2008
Msg: 3
lydias spiritual journey-- a ghostly tale
Posted: 5/9/2008 12:52:28 PM
Dinner passed in a companionable silence with easy conversation between Marie and John and the odd comment thrown Lydia's way.It seemed almost surreal to Lydia, she had just met these people yet they felt familiar to her , like she was home, after a long painful journey.She helped Marie and John clean up and excused her self to finish unpacking.When she left the couple discussed her and how they might help her to settle in and open up to them."She has built so many walls to protect herself" said John "it is going to take consistency and a lot of love to enable her to transcend them". "it will not be easy this one Marie" he continued "her ability to trust has been damaged".Marie mused on John words and knew they had a challenging task ahead of them.Upstairs Lydia sat on the bed and thought about the words the ethereal lady had spoken."She does not know, what it is like: to be me" she pondered, "how am I responsible for this; sorry mess?? .I,m just a kid!!".Lydia kicked the edge of the bed, she felt confused and anxious."Who is responsible for your life Lydia" whispered a soft voice.Lydia felt a heavy weight descend on her shoulders, it forced her down on to the bed, she could hardly breathe.Lydia struggled under the load . "Whats happening"? she cried panicking now."This is the weight of all your negative thoughts, self hatred, and fears" a voice said.The old lady appeared by the bed and reached out her hand to Lydia. Lydia stayed where she was ,afraid to reach out. She stayed frozen where she was. The weight was getting very uncomfortable , yet she would not reach out."You see the pain your walls are causing you Lydia" the lady said, "you are hurting yet you will not reach through them"."I cant!!! "said Lydia. "My walls keep pain out.they keep me together and give me control."I have no control over my circumstances but I control this , I control my walls.!!"Indeed" answered the lady "they keep pain out and protect you , but they lock you; in with your fears and isolate you from love."
The lady reached up towards the ceiling and and asked Lydia to reach up also.The lady touched her fingers to Lydia's and clasping her hand pulled her up. The weight disappeared as quickly as it had come."What happened" Lydia exclaimed."You reached up and transcended your walls" the lady answered. "They have been with you a long time and have become very strong so we went over them, you and I"."They are there but from now on, Lydia, forget them and rise above them"."They are no longer of any use to you".Lydia turned to the now smiling old lady and said "tell me How am I responsible for my life"."In the past " said the lady "choices were made for you and by you.But now the buck stops with you""You! now determine what road your life will take". Your thinking will determine your life.,your thoughts are like mini creators."Especially your thinking about yourself."I create my life with my thoughts" said Lydia sceptically."Yes" said the lady firmly, "along with your choices and actions"."All these things are yours, you are the mistress of your own life."This sounded very frightening to Lydia, so much responsibility and consequence. "I see you are afraid" whispered the lady "but this is real control through strength and confidence", "Embrace your personal power and use it."there is no body to blame now Lydia" the lady said faintly," now all is in your hands".Lydia looked into the sudden silence and the specter had gone.
 Diablera Bruja
Joined: 4/11/2008
Msg: 4
lydias spiritual journey-- a ghostly tale
Posted: 5/9/2008 1:44:35 PM
Lydia got ready for bed and fell into a deep , dream free sleep.She woke in the morning to the shrill buzz of her cell phone. She picked it up and heard the voice of her mother at the other end.Lydia's mum had left her in the care of the Health service at five years old, promising to return when she had settled in with her new boy friend.,days then months and finally years passed but the right time had never arrived for Lydia to go home.Her mum called sporadically, usually after her latest man had walked out, to cry and allay her guilt, with wild cries of love and what Lydia now knew, were false promises.This had made Lydia very distrustful of adults, over the years. A series of unsuccessful foster care placements had not helped matters.She had retreated behind a hard wall of hurt and defensiveness, that up to now seemed impenetrable.This placement was her last hope of having a normal life.Her dad had left when she was a baby and she had never met him.A life up to now ,of rejection and manipulation, by the selfish, immature adults in her life had left her with low self worth, and a heavy weight of hurt, anger and cynicism."Hi Mum" she said concealing her emotions."Hi baby" said her mum "how do you like your new home." "Its seems ok" said Lydia.Aw its over between myself and Fred her mum suddenly sobbed , "I feel so bad honey". Her mum continued to drone on about here ex, but Lydia had already tuned her out. She had heard it all before.Lydia started when her mum said "bye and best of luck baby , love you"She always picks losers" thought Lydia" she never learns"."She phones to to bend my ear about some loser boyfriend and never asks about me or how I feel"."She is the one who has ruined my life , I hate her"!! Lydia angrily threw the phone on the bed.
She felt the bed depress beside her and felt a warm , comforting arm come round her shoulders"Forgive her" said a soft loving voice , "let go of the anger."."It is like poison in your heart."While you hold onto this anger and bitterness from the past, it will be impossible for you to grab onto something new, to make a fresh start.""She does not deserve my forgiveness" said Lydia."Its about setting your heart free" said the wraith.Its about setting it free to be filled, full of love and joy instead of bitterness". Its about you, Lydia! not your mum".The lady looked into Lydia's eyes and said "we cant control others or their thoughts or actions,your mum is who she is, you cant change that!But we can control how we react to them.We have a clear choice. We can become angry and bitter or we have the option to forgive them. Forgiveness is the healthy choice, we only hurt ourselves carrying around hurt and pain. Forgive her , it will set you free.Picture her in your head Lydia, really feel your anger and hurt and then sincerely say I forgive you. When you think of her in future, send only love.It will be hard but you can do it." Lydia fell into a thoughtful silence, this sounded bizarre, could it work. Suddenly a knock resounded through the room, "breakfast" called Marie."Think on it" whispered the miasma. Lydia went downstairs to a new day.
 Diablera Bruja
Joined: 4/11/2008
Msg: 5
lydias spiritual journey-- a ghostly tale
Posted: 5/10/2008 5:33:57 AM
Lydia sat at the kitchen table thinking about the words of the spiorad.Am I going slowly insane , she thought. Marie bustled in with a plate full of cooked food and placed it, in front of Lydia.She looked down and found she was hungry. Into the kitchen bounded a bright eyed labrador, jumping about and exuding raw energy."This is Sherlock" said Marie. Lydia found herself laughing at the ditzy dog. It had been so long since she genuinely laughed. She stopped shocked at that realization. She saw her smiling reflection in the mirrored cupboard and was shocked. She looked so different.She immediately retreated behind her usual noncommittal demeanor, that old lady was getting to her.Nothing frightened Lydia as much as been vulnerable to others machinations, her mum had taught her to avoid that.She liked her walls, they gave her comfort and a feeling of security."Take Sherlock out in the garden" said Marie matter of factedly "before he wrecks the kitchen eh".Lydia took the boisterous dog outside to the garden, where he immediately picked up a small ball and dropped it at Lydia's feet.Without thinking she picked it up and threw it.The dog and the girl played for some time as Marie looked out the window,silently taking note.Lydia went to a small arbour at the end of the garden and sat on a wooden bench under a shady laurel tree. The panting labrador lay at her feet , its tongue lolling out of its open mouth.Suddenly a sweet floral scent filled the air and she sensed she was no longer alone.
"Feel the energy of the earth and of living things Lydia, fill yourself up with its purity"said a soft voice..You dropped your walls this morning with Sherlock, why do you think that was.?? said the smiling spiorad beside her. He is a dog , I don't need to be afraid with Sherlock. said Lydia dismissively."He gives unconditional acceptance and love, he is happy to be with you, he already loves you and he shows it" whispered the lady quietly."Animals do not need walls, they can see what is good and are drawn to it."They are not afraid of love., they do not fear what is natural.""Why does he love me then" said Lydia "noone else does."Because you exist" said the lady because you are here, because you are an intrinsic part of Gods creation.What Sherlock gives you , give yourself only twice over."lydia thought deeply."What about all that has happened to me, how can I just dismiss that" she said angrily."Let it go "whispered the wraith" let it all go into the vapours" Lydia looked into the amazing multicoloured eyes of the spiorad and saw herself reflected in those amazing orbs.She looked so different, relaxed, peaceful and carefree and beautiful."How do I let go" she asked tentatively."You must act and think independently of your walls Lydia, just act like they don't exist". "They are putting your life and happiness on hold and do not benefit you in any way."They are a prison and letting go of the bitterness will set you free."
The lady began to speak softly but clearly. "The past exists only in our thoughts Lydia,it is dead and gone and we need only retain its lessons."It will only affect you if you let it. You may not forget, but you can stop dwelling on it."How can I forget cried Lydia, "By not talking constantly of past mistakes and misfortunes.You are not a victim and self pity is self destructive."Concentrate instead now on your future and what you want to achieve in life". "Only the dead live in the past Lydia, come alive and live right now"The wraiths voice faded in to the morning air".Live Lydia live". it whispered "let go and live". Lydia jerked! awake had she been dreaming. She looked down at the now sleeping Sherlock and fell into deep thought.She felt like she was been melted down and remoulded by a master crafts man with a loving hand.Is this love she wondered or I am going mad??.
 Diablera Bruja
Joined: 4/11/2008
Msg: 6
lydias spiritual journey-- a ghostly tale
Posted: 5/10/2008 6:31:25 PM
"Lydia would you take Sherlock down to the beach for a run" called Marie from the kitchen.Its just down the hill and turn left."Okay "said Lydia "glad to get away on her own".Marie turned to her husband and said "I think Sherlock will be good for Lydia, he will be a safe conduit for her feelings"."I agree" said John, "she has frozen her heart but already he is melting her resolve.".Lydia raced down the hill with the bounding dog at her side. Already she could hear the loud heartbeat of the ocean and could smell the acrid salty aroma on the breeze.She ran on to the beach and took off her plimsolls to feel the sand on her feet. The dog joyously ran into the water, splashing and barking at imaginary shadows.Lydia watched the dog run about and felt his joy in the moment. She heard a noise behind her and felt a sudden heat. She looked behind to see the wraith materialize slowly, out of thin air.Some how she looked younger and more solid."Hello Lydia" she said warmly."Hello" said Lydia carefully."Who and what are you?" asked Lydia. "I am you Lydia, your higher self "said the lady. "We are as one".Lydia looked doubtful but remained silent."Look at the ocean", she continued "its primal and powerful , yet sustains a variety of life and is essential to earths survival, a bit like love really."Love!! said Lydia scornfully, "everyone is out for themselves in this world". "You feel distrustful about love "answered the wraith, but what is it"?."Its about getting love back" exclaimed Lydia."Love is not about getting "said the spiorad ,but about giving"."It is not about gain, its about loving yourself enough so you can give the surplus to others as a gift."For in the giving ,without wanting anything in return , without any agenda, you will receive it back in abundance."So said Lydia "you ask for nothing but give all". With love yes, with respect you are obliged to give but also are entitled to receive.To give love and experience its power and pain is a gift that provides strength and growth ,just like the ocean nurtures its inhabitants, love nurtures the spirit." asserted the wraith."How do I love myself, is that not selfishness" asked Lydia."To love and value yourself is not selfishness" whispered the lady"it is only selfish to demand from others without giving yourself"."The first step in self love is self acceptance"
"This "said the vaporous voice" is acknowledging , who you are and being comfortable with that,being happy in your skin.Some things like race, sex , height, age or eye color cant be permanently changed so its best to accept them."The lady continued "there is nothing wrong with having high standards , its impossible ones that damage self image."Do not be too hard on yourself ever Lydia, flaws have their charm, shows you are human.."Thats good to know" replied Lydia" I have plenty of those.,more than other girls my age"."Do not compare yourself to anyone else" said the wraith sternly "you will always find people better and worse than you.The only meaningful comparison is between how you were before and how you are now.No one is superior to anyone else , just different".With that, the lady evaporated as quickly as she had appeared and all was left was the roar of the ocean, echoing Lydia's turbulent thoughts.
 Diablera Bruja
Joined: 4/11/2008
Msg: 7
lydias spiritual journey-- a ghostly tale
Posted: 5/13/2008 11:45:34 AM
Her mental meanderings were suddenly interrupted by Sherlock's excited barking.Lydia looked up, to see Marie making her way down the shingled hill.After fending off the excited dogs , frenzied greetings, Marie sat down beside Lydia on the now warm sand.Shockingly Lydia found she was relaxed and comfortable, in the older womans company. She found herself telling Marie, about the morning call from her mum.Marie listened without expression or comment.When Lydia had finished Marie asked her, when she had last seen her mum and if she missed her."It was a year ago" replied Lydia "in my last placement". "How did it go" asked Marie carefully."She turned up with her then boy friend, he was drunk and they started an argument" said Lydia looking down at her feet. "That must have been unpleasant for you" replied Marie."It was embarrassing and I told her to stay away in future" said Lydia."Do you want to see her again "asked Marie."If she is alone and is there to see me, not moan about men yes" retorted Lydia.Men come first with her, I come last every time.""Tears of past pain brimmed at the corners of Lydia's blue eyes and she turned her face away to hide them. "Do you blame yourself Lydia, for your mothers behavior towards you" asked Marie gently."It must be me, so many have rejected me, they cant all be wrong" choked Lydia.She was crying now, great sobs of emotional angst and remembered pain.Marie enfolded her in her arms and let the storm subside, before she spoke again."What others do Lydia, they are accountable for, it is their choice to be kind or cruel.It is not personal to you, it is about them" Marie gently said.
"We all know the laws of the world and how to behave with respect and love,but some choose to ignore those laws and act with spite and anger."she continued."Others use meanness and insult to manipulate or make people feel inferior, so they can feel superior and good about themselves.Marie spoke on"Your mum is who she is, when people continue to get in the same situations, they are fulfilling a deep need within themselves.Your mum thinks a man will validate her and make her happy, But the problem is within herself.She does not have the wisdom and insight to see it", she continued "she loves you but is unable to be what you want right now."But she picks awful men and they all leave" said Lydia".Like attracts like Lydia" said Marie" the weak attract the weak.Likewise predators attract prey"."Unless your mum changes her patterns, she will continue with bad relationships"Marie continued "but it is not your job to fix her or your fault how she is". That is her job, you must now look to your life" Marie finished.
Lydia felt a weight lift off her shoulders and felt she had come home at last to peace and understanding."This is your home now ,Lydia for as long as you need it" Marie said warmly."It wont be perfect, as no one is, but if problems arise we will face them head on with honesty and fairness."Thanks" said Lydia quietly.She felt this time, she had indeed found her place. As she looked over the sea, she saw in the crest of the waves the shape of the spiorad , except now she was looking at a reflection herself.
 1eyebob
Joined: 8/11/2008
Msg: 8
view profile
History
lydias spiritual journey-- a ghostly tale
Posted: 11/8/2008 1:46:03 AM
Very Nice!!!!!!!!! I really love your work, Honey.
Maybe you should think about writing self help books. You would be rally good at it.
 junkyard dawg
Joined: 6/20/2008
Msg: 9
view profile
History
lydias spiritual journey-- a ghostly tale
Posted: 3/2/2009 12:23:54 PM
I have edited it and improved it a bit, to make it easier to read.I am going to repost the new version and continue the story.
 junkyard dawg
Joined: 6/20/2008
Msg: 10
view profile
History
lydias spiritual journey-- a ghostly tale
Posted: 3/2/2009 12:40:08 PM
Lydia’s Spiritual Journey


Lydia packed her few belongings into the battered brown suitcase. Once again she was moving to a new family.” What a waste of time" she thought scornfully. They just do it for the money, they don't care about me". She stared out the window at the approaching Social worker .She was a tall stern-faced woman with a purposeful walk. The door bell pealed and Lydia took a deep breath.” So it begins again" she thought the farce that is my life”. If I was worth something my mum would not have left me to strangers”. My dad would have wanted me”! Lydia sat on the bed immersed in self pity and chewing a well bitten nail.” My family did not want me so why should anyone else” Lydia thought sadly. A sharp knock roused Lydia from her musings and her Social worker entered the room. "Ready Lydia" she said briskly. Lydia preceded her from the room and went downstairs to bid farewell to her foster parents. They both hugged her awkwardly. They had never understood the complex, silent girl who had lived with them for the last year. She seemed to them, to be locked behind impenetrable walls. She left without a backward glance and got into the health officials car and sped away to her new life.
The car stopped in front of an old fashioned cottage, surrounded by fencing and adorned with flowers, in a variety of pots and receptacles. The scent of roses and something indefinable lingered in the air. Lydia looked up and caught a brief sighting of what looked like an old lady at the dormer window. Something impelled her to look up again, but then a smiling dark haired woman came out of the house and before she knew it, Lydia was enfolded in warm enfolding arms.” Welcome to Spiorad cottage the woman said gently we have been waiting for you Lydia”. The woman showed Lydia upstairs to her room and asked her to freshen up while she spoke to the Social worker privately.” Dumped already" thought Lydia sulkily. She looked around the room moodily; it was pretty and feminine and had a relaxing atmosphere. She put her case on the bed and unpacked her few belongings into the cupboards. Her thoughts swirled in her head, she felt so many emotions, but could not identify their source or cause. Suddenly from behind her she heard a gentle laugh.
She twirled around in shock, to see an old lady sitting at the window. "Who are you shrilled Lydia, when did you come in?” The lady gazed back at Lydia unwaveringly. Her eyes were steady and held a gentle loving gleam.” I am grace she said, I am knowledge, I am self knowing, I am self acceptance and I am love". "Love scorned Lydia I have seen precious little of that”.” So much bitterness replied the lady it must weigh heavy on your shoulders. So you feel you are not loved" the lady inquired.” My mum has dumped me and my dad Lydia replied and this is my fifth foster home so yes I do feel unloved and worthless. Would you blame me?” Lydia finished.” Who says you are worthless the lady answered, who ascertains your value, if not you yourself. Who regulates your thoughts but you, who rejects you but you, the lady continued.
Self defeating thoughts are weighing you down Lydia. What would happen if you relaxed and just enjoyed what is now, if you thought a different way"? The lady softly questioned.” What do you mean"? said Lydia nervously. There was something ethereal and intense about the ladies demeanor. Her eyes glowed and seemed to see inside Lydia, to her very soul. Yet she felt trust and peace, for the first time in her life.

Why didn’t my mum love me? Lydia asked the lady suddenly. I did not think that one up, it’s a fact”. The lady stood up and glided across the room, her long skirts brushing the floor. She sat in the chair nearest to Lydia and mused silently. She smiled and began to speak.” Well Lydia, it because she did not have that life skill she answered. It was nothing you did or were or were not, she was just not capable of being what you wanted.
Being able to love yourself and others is a skill, we learn from example and through life. It is intelligence in itself that people have varying amounts of. It was not personal or about you but about her and her own issues. the lady asserted. You can learn this skill, and with it, tolerance, compassion and understanding.” Lydia stopped and thought deeply,. "What about the past , I have never felt or or seen love so how can I learn it now". said Lydia sadly.”
You cannot control or change the past Lydia " the lady replied just absorb its lessons and not repeat them. You do have the present moment and that’s it , but nothing else. Why not feel love today in this moment”. The lady walked to the window and looked out onto the tree laden garden. She pointed out a beautiful Oak tree to Lydia.” Look at that tree Lydia she said it is strong, because it is firmly rooted in the earth” It has a strong foundation at its base, that feeds the whole structure and its leaves. It is fixed in the earth, yet reaches for the sun with joy and fervor. Its energy is one of renewal and growth. Its energy runs through it like a fiery river, carrying power and life, It is self contained and nourishes itself from the earth. It does not leach from other trees. You are no different to that tree" she finished.” I never thought of a tree as a living thing in that way before" said Lydia.
Everything on the earth is based on energy “said the lady. You are based on the same energy and are full of power, just like the mighty Oak. You need to create for yourself a strong foundation of self worth and self acceptance. Let the roots of these things grow and go deep .Grow long strong branches of self respect and strength of mind. Become self contained, take personal responsibility and do not blame others for your flaws or misfortunes”. The Oak has a hard durable surface but gives shade and fruit to the birds. So you can be tough but also giving and fruitful.” Lydia walked back to the bed and sighed. "When your family reject you it is hard to accept yourself" she said softly. The lady sat beside Lydia and looked into her eyes.

It was like looking into a maelstrom of luminous colors, first green then blue then violet..”Sometimes the lady whispered; we are the ones who reject first, because we are afraid of pain or we deliberately find flaws that justify our decision to run away from love and intimacy. Fear rules our lives, when really we have nothing to lose at all.” What do you mean , nothing to lose! demanded Lydia. Rejection hurts!, "You can only reject yourself, the lady answered. A person may reject, insult or criticize you, but it only hurts, if you agree with it, yourself inside,, if it strikes a chord. It only hurts if it is an already internalized belief". she finished.” Build your self belief and self worth and you will be able to withstand the hard blows of life”.”
I am just thirteen said Lydia how can I do this.” I will help you" said the lady. Become self contained like the Oak, it started as a sapling and grew strong, so can you”. Lydia jumped up, as the door opened and the lady of the house walked in. "I knocked twice Lydia she said Are you ok?. Let me introduce myself, I am Marie Reilly she said I am so glad to meet you.” Lydia stayed silent. The Lady had vanished into thin air.” Come down stairs and meet my husband” Marie said warmly. Lydia walked down stairs into the toasty kitchen and weirdly felt at home.” This is my husband John " she said gesturing to a tall , ruddy faced man at the table. He smiled a crinkly smile and Lydia croaked hello in return.” Perhaps this place might be different" she thought.
Why didn’t my mum love me? Lydia asked the lady suddenly. I did not think that one up, it’s a fact”. The lady stood up and glided across the room, her long skirts brushing the floor. She sat in the chair nearest to Lydia and mused silently. She smiled and began to speak.” Well Lydia, it because she did not have that life skill she answered. It was nothing you did or were or were not, she was just not capable of being what you wanted. Being able to love yourself and others is a skill, we learn from example and through life. It is intelligence in itself that people have varying amounts of. It was not personal or about you but about her and her own issues. the lady asserted. You can learn this skill, and with it, tolerance, compassion and understanding.” Lydia stopped and thought deeply,. "What about the past , I have never felt or
or seen love so how can I learn it now". said Lydia sadly.” You cannot control or change the past Lydia " the lady replied just absorb its lessons and not repeat them. You do have the present moment and that’s it , but nothing else. Why not feel love today in this moment”. The lady walked to the window and looked out onto the tree laden garden. She pointed out a beautiful Oak tree to Lydia.” Look at that tree Lydia she said it is strong, because it is firmly rooted in the earth” It has a strong foundation at its base, that feeds the whole structure and its leaves.
It is fixed in the earth, yet reaches for the sun with joy and fervour. Its energy is one of renewal and growth. Its energy runs through it like a fiery river, carrying power and life, It is self contained and nourishes itself from the earth. It does not leach from other trees. You are no different to that tree" she finished.” I never thought of a tree as a living thing in that way before" said Lydia.
Everything on the earth is based on energy “said the lady. You are based on the same energy and are full of power, just like the mighty Oak. You need to create for yourself a strong foundation of self worth and self acceptance. Let the roots of these things grow and go deep .Grow long strong branches of self respect and strength of mind. Become self contained, take personal responsibility and do not blame others for your flaws or misfortunes”. The Oak has a hard durable surface but gives shade and fruit to the birds. So you can be tough but also giving and fruitful.”

Lydia walked back to the bed and sighed. "When your family reject you it is hard to accept yourself" she said softly. The lady sat beside Lydia and looked into her eyes. It was like looking into a maelstrom of luminous colours, first green then blue then violet..”Sometimes the lady whispered; we are the ones who reject first, because we are afraid of pain or we deliberately find flaws that justify our decision to run away from love and intimacy. Fear rules our lives, when really we have nothing to lose at all.” What do you mean , nothing to lose! demanded Lydia. Rejection hurts!, "You can only reject yourself, the lady answered. A person may reject, insult or criticize
you, but it only hurts, if you agree with it, yourself inside,, if it strikes a chord. It only hurts if it is an already internalized belief". she finished.
Build your self belief and self worth and you will be able to withstand the hard blows of life”.” I am just thirteen said Lydia how can I do this.” I will help you" said the lady. Become self contained like the Oak, it started as a sapling and grew strong, so can you”. Lydia jumped up, as the door opened and the lady of the house walked in. "I knocked twice Lydia she said Are you ok?. Let me introduce myself, I am Marie Reilly she said I am so glad to meet you.” Lydia stayed silent. The Lady had vanished into thin air.” Come down stairs and meet my husband” Marie said warmly. Lydia walked down stairs into the toasty kitchen and weirdly felt at home.” This is my husband John " she said gesturing to a tall , ruddy faced man at the table. He smiled a crinkly smile and Lydia croaked hello in return.” Perhaps this place might be different" she thought.
Lydia got ready for bed and fell into a deep, dream free sleep. She woke in the morning to the shrill buzz of her cell phone. She picked it up and heard the voice of her mother at the other end. Lydia’s mum had left her in the care of the Health service at five years old, promising to return when she had settled in with her new boyfriend, days then months and finally years passed but the right time had never arrived for Lydia to go home. Her mum called sporadically, usually after her latest man had walked out, to cry and allay her guilt, with wild cries of love and what Lydia now knew, were false promises. This had made Lydia very distrustful of adults, over the years.
A series of unsuccessful foster care placements had not helped matters. She had retreated behind a hard wall of hurt and defensiveness, that up to now seemed impenetrable. This placement was her last hope of having a normal life. Her dad had left when she was a baby and she had never met him. A life up to now, of rejection and manipulation, by the selfish, immature adults in her life had left her with low self worth, and a heavy weight of hurt, anger and cynicism.” Hi Mum" she said concealing her emotions.” Hi baby said her mum how do you like your new home?" "Its seems ok" said Lydia.Aw its over between myself and Fred her mum suddenly sobbed, "I feel so bad honey".
Her mum continued to drone on about here ex, but Lydia had already tuned her out. She had heard it all before. Lydia started awake again, to hear her Mum say bye and best of luck baby, love you. She always picks losers thought Lydia she never learns. She phones to bend my ear about some loser boyfriend and never asks about me or how I feel. She is the one who has ruined my life, I hate her.! Lydia angrily threw the phone on the bed.
She felt the bed depress beside her and felt a warm , comforting arm come round her shoulders” Forgive her said a soft loving voice ,let go of the anger. It is like poison in your heart. While you hold onto this anger and bitterness from the past, it will be impossible for you to grab onto something new, to make a fresh start.” She does not deserve my forgiveness" said Lydia.” Its about setting your heart free said the wraith. Its about setting it free to be filled, full of love and joy instead of bitterness". It’s about you, Lydia! not your mum”.
The lady looked into Lydia's eyes and said "we can’t control others or their thoughts or actions, your mum is who she is, you cant change that! But we can control how we react to them. We have a clear choice. We can become angry and bitter or we have the option to forgive them. Forgiveness is the healthy choice; we only hurt ourselves carrying around hurt and pain. Forgive her, it will set you free.

Picture her in your head Lydia, really feel your anger and hurt and then sincerely say I forgive you. When you think of her in future, send only love. It will be hard but you can do it." Lydia fell into a thoughtful silence, this sounded bizarre, could it work. Suddenly a knock resounded through the room, "Breakfast" called Marie.” Think on it" whispered the miasma. Lydia went downstairs to a new day.

Lydia sat at the kitchen table thinking about the words of the spiorad.Am I going slowly insane, she thought. Marie bustled in with a plate full of cooked food and placed it, in front of Lydia. She looked down and found she was hungry. Into the kitchen bounded a bright eyed Labrador, jumping about and exuding raw energy. “This is Sherlock" said Marie. Lydia found herself laughing at the ditzy dog. It had been so long since she genuinely laughed. She stopped shocked at that realization.

She saw her smiling reflection in the mirrored cupboard and was shocked. She looked so different. She immediately retreated behind her usual noncommittal demeanor, that old lady was getting to her. Nothing frightened Lydia as much as been vulnerable to others machinations, her mum had taught her to avoid that. She liked her walls; they gave her comfort and a feeling of security.
” Take Sherlock out in the garden said Marie matter of factedly before he wrecks the kitchen eh!"Lydia took the boisterous dog outside to the garden, where he immediately picked up a small ball and dropped it at Lydia's feet. Without thinking she picked it up and threw it. The dog and the girl played for some time as Marie looked out the window, silently taking note. Lydia went to a small arbour at the end of the garden and sat on a wooden bench under a shady laurel tree. The panting Labrador lay at her feet, its tongue lolling out of its open mouth. Suddenly a sweet floral scent filled the air and she sensed she was no longer alone.

"Feel the energy of the earth and of living things Lydia, fill yourself up with its purity said a soft voice. You dropped your walls this morning with Sherlock, why do you think that was. Said the smiling spiorad beside her. He is a dog , I don't need to be afraid with Sherlock. Said Lydia dismissively.” He gives unconditional acceptance and love, he is happy to be with you, he already loves you and he shows it whispered the lady quietly. Animals do not need walls; they can see what is good and are drawn to it. They are not afraid of love, they do not fear what is natural.” Why does he love me then" said Lydia "no one else does.” Because you exist said the lady because you are here, because you are an intrinsic part of Gods creation.
What Sherlock gives you , give yourself only twice over.” Lydia thought deeply.” What about all that has happened to me, how can I just dismiss that" she said angrily.” Let it go whispered the wraith let it all go into the vapours" Lydia looked into the amazing multicolored eyes of the spiorad and saw herself reflected in those amazing orbs. She looked so different, relaxed, peaceful and carefree and beautiful.” How do I let go" she asked tentatively.” You must act and think independently of your walls Lydia, just act like they don't exist". They are putting your life and happiness on hold and do not benefit you in any way. They are a prison and letting go of the bitterness will set you free."
The lady began to speak softly but clearly. "The past exists only in our thoughts Lydia, it is dead and gone and we need only retain its lessons. It will only affect you if you let it. You may not forget, but you can stop dwelling on it.” How can I forget cried Lydia, "By not talking constantly of past mistakes and misfortunes. You are not a victim and self pity is self destructive.
Concentrate instead now on your future and what you want to achieve in life. Only the dead live in the past Lydia, come alive and live right now” The wraiths voice faded in to the morning air”. Live Lydia live, it whispered; let go and live". Lydia jerked awake, had she been dreaming. She looked down at the now sleeping Sherlock and fell into deep thought. She felt like she was been melted down and mouldered by a master crafts woman with a loving hand. Is this love she wondered or I am going mad??.
"Lydia would you take Sherlock down to the beach for a run, called Marie from the kitchen. Its just down the hill and turn left.” Okay said Lydia glad to get away on her own”. Marie turned to her husband and said "I think Sherlock will be good for Lydia, he will be a safe conduit for her feelings”.” I agree" said John, she has frozen her heart but already he is melting her resolve.”.
Lydia raced down the hill with the bounding dog at her side. Already she could hear the loud heartbeat of the ocean and could smell the acrid salty aroma on the breeze. She ran on to the beach and took off her plimsolls to feel the sand on her feet. The dog joyously ran into the water, splashing and barking at imaginary shadows. Lydia watched the dog run about and felt his joy in the moment. She heard a noise behind her and felt a sudden heat. She looked behind to see the wraith materialize slowly, out of thin air.
Some how she looked younger and more solid.” Hello Lydia" she said warmly.” Hello" said Lydia carefully, the spirits sudden appearances were unnerving to say the least..” Who and what are you?" asked Lydia. "I am your guide, to your higher self "said the lady. We are as one”. Lydia looked doubtful but remained silent.” Look at the ocean, she continued it’s primal and powerful, yet sustains a variety of life and is essential to earth’s survival, a bit like love really.” Love! Said Lydia scornfully, everyone is out for themselves in this world". "You feel distrustful about love, answered the wraith, but what is it”?”
It’s about getting love back" exclaimed Lydia.” Love is not about getting
Said the spiorad, but about giving”. It is not about gain, its about loving yourself enough, so you can give the surplus to others as a gift. For in the giving, without wanting anything in return, without any agenda, you will receive it back in abundance.” So said Lydia, you ask for nothing but give all". With love yes, with respect you are obliged to give but also are entitled to receive.
To give love and experience its power and pain is a gift that provides strength and growth, just like the ocean nurtures its inhabitants, love nurtures the spirit." asserted the wraith.” How do I love myself, is that not selfishness?" asked Lydia.” To love and value yourself is not selfishness, whispered the lady; it is only selfish to demand from others without ever giving yourself”. The first step in self love is self acceptance"

"This said the vaporous voice is acknowledging, who you are and being comfortable with that, being happy in your skin. Some things like race, sex, height, age or eye colour can’t be permanently changed so it’s best to accept them. The lady continued, there is nothing wrong with having high standards, its impossible ones that damage self image. Do not be too hard on yourself ever Lydia, flaws have their charm, shows you are human.” That’s good to know" replied Lydia, I have plenty of those, more than other girls my age”.”
Do not compare yourself to anyone else" said the wraith sternly you will always find people better and worse than you. The only meaningful comparison is between how you were before and how you are now. No one is superior to anyone else , just different”. With that, the lady evaporated as quickly as she had appeared and all was left was the roar of the ocean, echoing Lydia's turbulent thoughts.

Her mental meanderings were suddenly interrupted by Sherlock's excited barking. Lydia looked up, to see Marie making her way down the shingled hill. After fending off the excited dogs, frenzied greetings, Marie sat down beside Lydia on the now warm sand. Shockingly Lydia found she was relaxed and comfortable, in the older woman’s company. She found herself telling Marie, about the morning call from her mum.
Marie listened without expression or comment. When Lydia had finished Marie asked her, when she had last seen her mum and if she missed her.” It was a year ago replied Lydia in my last placement". "How did it go" asked Marie carefully.” She turned up with her then boy friend, he was drunk and they started an argument" said Lydia looking down at her feet. "That must have been unpleasant for you" replied Marie.” It was embarrassing and I told her to stay away in future" said Lydia.”

Do you want to see her again "asked Marie.” If she is alone and is there to see me, not moan about men yes! retorted Lydia. Men come first with her, I come last every time.” Tears of past pain brimmed at the corners of Lydia's blue eyes and she turned her face away to hide them. "Do you blame yourself Lydia, for your mother’s behaviour towards you asked Marie gently. It must be me, so many have rejected me, they cant all be wrong" choked Lydia. She was crying now, great sobs of emotional angst and remembered pain.
Marie enfolded her in her arms and let the storm subside, before she spoke again.” What others do Lydia, they are accountable for, it is their choice to be kind or cruel. It is not personal to you, it is about them" Marie gently said.
"We all know the laws of the world and how to behave with respect and love, but some choose to ignore those laws and act with spite and anger.” she continued. Others use meanness and insult to manipulate or make people feel inferior, so they can feel superior and good about themselves. Marie spoke on” Your mum is who she is, when people continue to get in the same situations, they are fulfilling a deep need within themselves.

Your mum thinks a man will validate her and make her happy, But the problem is within herself. She does not have the wisdom and insight to see it, she continued she loves you but is unable to be what you want right now.” But she picks awful men and they all leave said Lydia”. Like attracts like Lydia" said Marie the weak attract the weak. Likewise predators attract prey, Unless your mum changes her patterns, she will continue with bad relationships Marie continued but it is not your job to fix her or your fault how she is. That is her job, you must now look to your life" Marie finished.
Lydia felt a weight lift off her shoulders and felt she had come home at last to peace and understanding.” This is your home now, Lydia for as long as you need it Marie said warmly. It won’t be perfect, as no one is, but if problems arise we will face them head on with honesty and fairness.” Thanks" said Lydia quietly. She felt this time; she had indeed found her place. As she looked over the sea, she saw in the crest of the waves her own uncertain future, as exciting and positive as the oceans currents.
 junkyard dawg
Joined: 6/20/2008
Msg: 11
view profile
History
lydias spiritual journey-- a ghostly tale
Posted: 3/2/2009 12:49:25 PM
One year on;;

Lydia ran down the stairs uniform tie askew, followed by a bounding Sherlock. “Hurry up Marie said, you’ll be late, for school Lydia.” Lydia sat down laughing and giggled,” Blame Sherlock Marie he ran off with my tie. “That dog is worse than a month old puppy said Marie exasperatedly, grow up Sherlock. Sherlock hung his head and looked suitably chastened, before racing out the door to terrify some foraging starlings. Lydia finished her breakfast and grabbing her satchel, she kissed Marie goodbye and raced to the end of the road for the bus. She clambered aboard, the bus and sat down near the front, keeping a seat for her friend Blathnaid .Lydia had grown to love school and was doing well. She was happy at Marie’s and had found a soul mate in the exuberant Sherlock. That dog loved everything and everyone, she did not realise dogs could laugh, until she met the mirthful mutt Sherlock. He was the first to touch her heart and the first she gave her love to. She had not heard from her mum; since that last phone call and Lydia wondered who the man was, that was occupying her. It did not hurt so much now, Lydia realised, her mum acted according to what she knew and she knew nothing about real love or connection. Just neediness and selfishness. The spirit of the house, who had told Lydia her name was Seoibhe, had been Lydia’s constant guide and helpmate through the last year. Whilst old, when Lydia first encountered her, now she was young and ethereally beautiful, with flowing russet hair, white skin and piercing multi colored eyes. She had given Lydia the keys to unlock her personal prison and experience a jubilant personal freedom. Lydia moved over to let her petite, friend sit beside her. She had found it difficult to make friends before, she was defensive and touchy. Rejecting and suspicious. Now she was relaxed and self assured, she knew herself a bit better and knew not everyone would like her or want to be friends, but many would. She had learned not to take rejection personally; she would not be everyone’s cup of tea. Lydia and Blathnaid left the bus outside the school and went inside, chatting non-stop, as is the way of young girls.
 1eyebob
Joined: 8/11/2008
Msg: 12
view profile
History
lydias spiritual journey-- a ghostly tale
Posted: 3/2/2009 4:37:55 PM
Once again you have mastered it. I assume that it will continue and that Seoibhe will turn out to be more a part of her then she realizes yet. It is very well done and a good way to carry a message. There are so many children in the world that have been discarded and in some system instead of a loving home. Maybe a few of those past and present will see this and get something from it. You are a wonderful woman Sao. Keep up the good work.
Bob
 indianiron.db
Joined: 1/23/2012
Msg: 13
lydias spiritual journey-- a ghostly tale
Posted: 7/1/2012 5:19:36 AM
omg get ****en life
Show ALL Forums  > Creative/Writing  > lydias spiritual journey-- a ghostly tale