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 Calichick25
Joined: 5/8/2008
Msg: 1
Guys asking to meet with you immediatelyPage 1 of 23    (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10, 11, 12, 13, 14, 15, 16, 17, 18, 19, 20, 21, 22, 23)
I've received a number of messages from guys pretty much giving out their number almost instantly and within the first or second email asking me if I'd like to meet them for coffee.

Any other ladies get these sorts of messages? Part of me thinks that they just want to get in bed with me, but the other part of me thinks that they could be really sweet guys who are afraid of losing their email in my inbox with the amount of mail I receive - it's so hard to tell who belongs to what category!
 MajorThomas
Joined: 2/10/2008
Msg: 2
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Guys asking to meet with you immediately
Posted: 5/12/2008 9:10:36 PM
I believe messaging and talking to people on the phone is a waste of time because, your whole perception of them in person is going to be totally different.

A lot of guys believe this and don't/won't play the email/phone game.
 Refinedsillyguy
Joined: 5/4/2008
Msg: 3
Guys asking to meet with you immediately
Posted: 5/12/2008 11:39:04 PM
In my opinion dating is all trial and error.. its like playing poker.. you dont take risks you dont win...I could imagine from a girls point of view.. but think in this perspective... u are on this site to be serious... you meet someone feel a spark.. why wait through countless emails to see if its for real.. by then most sparks lose the spark...from this i feel the guys that are SERIOUS about finding that someone, could be doing the right thing.. but with soo many others looking for sex...? what u doing here go to a BAR!!!!..And i mean thats what public places during the daytime hours are for...If you dont like the guy.. u leave simple..and if u want to give it a try then u keep emailing...at least then it wont be a lost waste of emailing..trying to weed out certain guys..Its like getting a girls number and not calling her right away..things lose spark...as for how to determine which ones in which category.. its up to the girls....
 bluenfree
Joined: 7/14/2007
Msg: 4
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Guys asking to meet with you immediately
Posted: 5/13/2008 4:44:33 AM
I want to find out a bit about a lady to figure out if we have common interests, but after a certain point, what is there left to write about? A lot of people on internet dating sites are only there for the fantasy. I don't need dozens of women, just one, and I would prefer to spend time with her than with my computer. If a woman can't find time to meet me after a couple of weeks of email, chat, phone, then either she doesn't have time for me in her life, or she's just playing games. You can't know if you're attracted to someone until you see them in person.

As to the "I saw your picture and I'm in love", or some variation thereof, including the vulgar ones, that's what the delete function is for.
 seeker1997
Joined: 5/8/2006
Msg: 5
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Guys asking to meet with you immediately
Posted: 5/13/2008 5:26:14 AM
I find that with this site you e-mail for a while then it stops. That is why I think it is fairly important to meet quickly. It isnt the sex thing it is getting lost in time and mountain of e-mail
 WHERESMYQT
Joined: 3/3/2008
Msg: 6
Guys asking to meet with you immediately
Posted: 5/13/2008 7:42:22 AM
why does every lady think that a guy just wants to sack her?? i have heard from many ladys that because the guy didnt call her back after a date they where just looking to sleep with her and she didnt let them, thats why they didnt call back. thats not so !!! i have been on many dates that i didnt find interest in and didnt call back, thats not because i didnt sleep with them. i send my # out because i have i hard time finding or showing personality without talking to the person, not everyone is good on a keybord. like me. i just saw your profile this morning and found it funny that i saw this post about #s and there you are. mike
 WHERESMYQT
Joined: 3/3/2008
Msg: 7
Guys asking to meet with you immediately
Posted: 5/13/2008 7:46:26 AM
i agree it is not much different then meeting in public, just you know the other person is avalible to date.
 WomanInProgress
Joined: 10/16/2005
Msg: 8
Guys asking to meet with you immediately
Posted: 5/13/2008 7:49:17 AM
If it's a guy I actually have enough interest in online to be curious what he's about offline - I'll meet fairly quickly.

Most are not however and I have no time schedule with them because it doesn't matter...

Yes, there's something about a phone number or invite in an initial e-mail that smells a bit of desperation...I understand not wanting to talk for months, but once or twice is sort of necessary to gauge wasting your time and gas.
 ~rain~
Joined: 6/9/2007
Msg: 9
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Guys asking to meet with you immediately
Posted: 5/13/2008 8:02:38 AM
coffee = bed/sex with you?

interesting!!..

juan valdez should look you up and give you a call!!

get over yourself!!
 c_deacon
Joined: 3/13/2005
Msg: 10
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Guys asking to meet with you immediately
Posted: 5/13/2008 9:48:39 AM
If you are on here long enough, you will learn that there are two types for meeting......the ones that seldom if ever meet, and the ones that want to meet in a short amount of time.

There are many on here that hide behind the computer and use it for their fantasy, and will not take that leap from fantasy to reality by meeting and greeting. They can talk long and hard about what they may want, but when it comes time to find out, they seldom, if ever do.

The other type wants to actually meet someone in person and will make those suggestions to help that happen. They usually are the ones that will give you their personal email account, send you more pictures, ask to have more pictures of you, either give or ask for a phone number, and then follow through with actions that lead to meeting.

I find that the best way to do this is get off the computer and on the phone and decide when to meet and where. Finding a halfway point that is very public and meeting for a drink or coffee seems to be the best, and if there is enough attraction and chemistry, then you continue on and make it a date, or set a time for a date and do it.

If someone works very hard to stay behind the computer, then you have your answer, and if someone gives you a number, or asks for yours on the first email, you have an answer as well. Maybe somewhere in the middle is more realistic, but for me at least, I prefer making things happen sooner much better than later, in order to find out what is there or not.

Just my opinion......
 Gwendolyn2010
Joined: 1/22/2006
Msg: 11
Guys asking to meet with you immediately
Posted: 5/13/2008 10:18:06 AM
If I am going to meet a man, I want to meet him SOON. A person's energy/aura tells so much more than words on a page or even over the phone.

However, that doesn't mean that I want to meet him one hour after I received the first email.
 ladyc4
Joined: 2/14/2006
Msg: 12
Guys asking to meet with you immediately
Posted: 5/13/2008 1:18:52 PM

Part of me thinks that they just want to get in bed with me, but the other part of me thinks that they could be really sweet guys

Maybe they are both??
If you follow the standard safety rules( meet in a public, well lighted place, have a cell phone with you,let someone know that you are going to meet someone,etc)
and keep that meeting light and geared toward getting to know each other socially rather than sexually, it can sure save you from building up a big hope that doesn't play out in reality.
Cindy O
 roughridertex
Joined: 4/13/2008
Msg: 13
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Guys asking to meet with you immediately
Posted: 5/13/2008 4:45:53 PM
this may change things for me I e-mailed someone I found attractive on POF she replied we had a week of e-mailes exchanged some info about each other, then we started having phone conversations for a few days, she had stated she wanted to c/w dance which I do quite well, I invited her to a club that I frequent and have been going to for 10 years I thought she might be comfortable there as I could introduce her to some friends of mine that are very nice, we agreed to the place and time I even offered to pay to have her car valeted and told her when she was ready to leave I would get the door man to escort her to the car for safety she agreed then on Friday we talked and confirmed the meeting she also said she was excited I replied me also but alas Saturday comes around I started getting ready, but at 7:30 pm a hour and a half before the date she texted me saying she couldn't make it and could we make it another time,, wow not even a phone call or a explanation about why she had to cancel, this has never happened to me before, I have met 7 women on various sites in 2 years one was just like her pic and was a wonderful woman but lived too far away, the other 6 were duds they lied about their their pics ,were 10 to 15 years old and the weight was 20 to 50 lbs more than they said, I on the other hand have very current pics some from halloween 07-- new year 08 and look just like my pics so what gives, hey girls you don't think we will notice, as for her she didn't and isn't getting another chance
 WomanInProgress
Joined: 10/16/2005
Msg: 14
Guys asking to meet with you immediately
Posted: 5/14/2008 4:24:28 AM

We take chances out there in the world. When you meet people out in the real world at a bar or in a social setting, do you ask them to email you first so that you can get to know them before having a face to face conversation? I think you should know the answer to that.


Ladies, give me a break. Had you met the guy in person, you would have exchanged numbers, then probably set up a date instantly. What's the difference between that and this? Either way, the person is a stranger.

The difference is, IRL we've already stood face to face, heard the voice, seen the head to toe package, know there's an attraction either way, and can look forward to getting together again. Online we haven't established any of that.

Offline the person's already in front of you, offline you have to make a special trip to find out...I try to diffuse that by meeting somewhere along the way in my current travels when I have a free half hour or so.

Granted, web cam/phone conversation takes a bit more of the mystery out of it, but until you're there in person, you just don't know if you're interested enough to look forward to learning more. It has an uncertain anticipation to it that offline encounters just don't.

With me, it's not about safety so much, it's about knowing if you care that you meet - online there's not much to go on (besides stats and profile information).
 aprincelyfrog
Joined: 7/25/2006
Msg: 15
Guys asking to meet with you immediately
Posted: 5/14/2008 4:43:35 AM
I know what you mean, I tell them right up front that I will not met them, I have to get to know them better but there have been a few that don't seem to understand this.lol

And I wont spend my valuable time getting to know you until I see that you are who you say you are and that we BOTH know there is sufficient chemistry present to make the effort worth while.

This is a fundamental difference between men and women. Most women are more interested in developing the emotional side first while men generally have no interest in the emotional side if the physical side doesn't exist.

Add to this the fact that most men who have internet dated for more than 30 minutes has already been through multiple experiences where they have invested 1000 emails and 100 phone calls just to meet someone who is not a size 2 but is instead a size 22. Dont get mad at the men for not trusting you to be who you say you are, get mad at the women who abuse the system... also, using the "I dont know you well enough" is nothing more than a trust issue.

And the "I dont know you well enough" or "you just dont know who is out there" mantra speaks to insecurities, trust issues and/or an inability to handle life with good judgement. Meeting someone off the Internet is no different than meeting a total stranger in a grocery store... would you give them your home phone # and address right off the bat? Get real! I suspect these are only excuses made up by people with issues or no real intent to ever meet anyone.

Beyond that, only 20% of all Internet daters will actually ever meet someone face to face. Those of us who are serious about finding a mate have no desire to waste our time on someone who only wants a penpal.


I don't want to see you immediately. In all likelyhood I would reject MORE folks as in person we judge on the exterior or worse yet accept dates with guys I did not like to be polite.

Nothing wrong with rejecting someone as a potential mate based on the exterior, that's why we all have different taste in people. You are supposed to find someone you are attracted to.

As for your excepting a date just to be polite, does that mean you put out just to be polite too? Accepting a date just to be polite is your issue. As one lady posted earlier, extended emails and IMs is just a way to hide behind the computer.
 clearandbright1
Joined: 2/24/2007
Msg: 16
Guys asking to meet with you immediately
Posted: 5/14/2008 4:45:29 AM
I am ready to start a new tactic.. I used to have no problem meeting right away, I am more comfortable, and used to think I communicated better offline.. but after online dating, I am reluctant to meet, because once I do, I never hear from them again. I can have a great phone and e-mail/ im conversation for weeks/months , in person the date seems to go great as well, but then I never hear from them after the first meet.
Therefore I have come up with a new plan
those I am interested in, get along great with on the phone/e-mail I wont meet, since seeing me seems to be whats turning them off.. they like me until they physically see me, so, if we don't meet then the friendship can last

Those I have no conversational ability with via IM.E-mail or phone I'll meet. Since once they see me, I wont hear from them again therefore I don't have to fear hurting their feelings, and at least it gives me someone to hike with bike with or see the city for a day, and never hearing from them again wont be so bad

BTW, When I was meeting right away, I also was showing pictures from 1- 2 months earlier so I dont think that was the issue.
 WomanInProgress
Joined: 10/16/2005
Msg: 17
Guys asking to meet with you immediately
Posted: 5/14/2008 4:50:02 AM

Meeting someone off the Internet is no different than meeting a total stranger in a grocery store... would you give them your home phone # and address right off the bat?

Actually, no - that would be kind of not smart. Especially someone you don't know having your address, wtf?

He gets/gives a cell # and that's the extent of it...
 aprincelyfrog
Joined: 7/25/2006
Msg: 18
Guys asking to meet with you immediately
Posted: 5/14/2008 4:53:48 AM
I can have a great phone and e-mail/ im conversation for weeks/months , in person the date seems to go great as well, but then I never hear from them after the first meet.

Thanks for proving our point so well... we invest weeks and months just to meet and find out there is no chemistry... and most likely you dont hear back from them because they are either not physically attracted to you or who you present in public is a 180 from who you present in emails.


Those I have no conversational ability with via IM.E-mail or phone I'll meet. Since once they see me, I wont hear from them again therefore I don't have to fear hurting their feelings,

Sounds more like its your feelings that get hurt... LOL If its his feelings that are hurt then he feels duped.

Try it our way, meet for coffee or icecream first and do it quickly and see how your luck changes. I bet you get a different set of results.


Actually, no - that would be kind of not smart. Especially someone you don't know having your address, wtf?

He gets/gives a cell # and that's the extent of it...

Exactly! Use good judgment and everything works out pretty well.

And ladies, for what its worth, we guys have to be careful as well... especially those of us with kids at home. There are a lot of crazy women out there.
 clearandbright1
Joined: 2/24/2007
Msg: 19
Guys asking to meet with you immediately
Posted: 5/14/2008 6:13:13 AM
I was doing it your way, meeting right away, and never hearing from them, so your theory about me coming across different on the phone or e-mail over a long period of time is false.. if I don't meet then it seems to last longer..

Men on dating sites should just admit it, they want the playboy centerfold they see on Adult dating sites, and want instant chemistry.. relationships take time, which is why I have better luck through clubs and organizations, there I seem to meet more people up for long term

And why would my feeling be hurt if someone I am not interested in doesn't call back? And who are you to say his feelings are hurt because he was duped? How was he duped and how would you know?

Your making alot of assumptions and you don't even know my situation

 Gwendolyn2010
Joined: 1/22/2006
Msg: 20
Guys asking to meet with you immediately
Posted: 5/14/2008 6:34:04 AM

I like to talk to a guy for at least a few weeks, you never know what kinda of person that guy is,


You can talk to a guy for weeks or even months and still not get the same feel that you can get for him face-to-face (and the same for a woman). I have had it happen to me and I have talked to/read about others having the same experience.

If a man lives some distance from me, I'll give him a few weeks, but someone within close driving range, nope.


usually the ones that want to meet you right away are the ones that want to get you in bed . . . I am sorry but your not getting the milk for free!


Erk! Since I like to meet soon, that must mean I am looking for free milk--but keep in mind, only if it is nonfat.
 aprincelyfrog
Joined: 7/25/2006
Msg: 21
Guys asking to meet with you immediately
Posted: 5/14/2008 9:48:14 AM

Your making alot of assumptions and you don't even know my situation

Unless I missed something, your 2nd post completly contradicted your first post - which would cause any man to run.

Men don't run/not call if they are attracted to the person AND they receive positive signals. If what is spoken doesn't reflect the profile and the content of your emails most men will be polite, let the date end and when alone bang his head on the steering wheel and then forget the whole thing happened.

You can appear neutral to a guy in which case he may opt for another date just to see if "things" improve. Most likey with no change on the 2nd date, there will not be a 3rd.

I know some guys have a heirarchy of goals: If goal one (meeting the right lady) doesn't happen and by that I mean the woman shows up and isn't quite as attractive as her pictures state and she's not quite as "on the ball" as her profile and emails indicate they may take her off the "potential" list and put her on the "lets see if I can get a quick lay" list... which explains about 80% of the guys who try to get in your pants during your coffee meet... he's saying "you're not a keeper but you might be fun!"
 clearandbright1
Joined: 2/24/2007
Msg: 22
Guys asking to meet with you immediately
Posted: 5/14/2008 10:08:32 AM
How did my second post contradict my first? I am not seeing it.. you are admitting that if a woman isnt attractive than the guy wont give her a chance which is what I also siad.. and who said they are trying to get in my pants? I NEVER siad that.. so where DOES that put me then?
Also if the guy is banging his head becuase he met me then his expectations are way to high.. I feel any opportunity to meet a person is just that, an potential friend, etc, no expectations.. I never regret meeting anyone, and I am nuetral when I meet.. I never expect anything.. no expectations means no dissapointment.. enjoy the moment

So your saying becuase of my looks and personality I dont have a chance? Go look for snow white, I hear she exists somewhere.. in your imagination.
 aprincelyfrog
Joined: 7/25/2006
Msg: 23
Guys asking to meet with you immediately
Posted: 5/14/2008 4:50:25 PM
I personally think that if someone wants to meet up stright away(man or women) then they are just after one thing and no 2 guess what that is! Whenever i get messages that have phone numbers or ask to meet up straight away I don't even bother looking at the profile i just delete straight away. I think if a man cant understand why a women in this day and age would not want to meet up without chatting for a while first then his probably stupid and self centered anyway.

And its women with views like this that make me thankful they do a read/deleted. They save me the time, effort and price of a cup of coffee to learn they're total idiots with a completly distorted sense of reality and self worth. So, for all the guys you read/delete I will say "Thank You!"


Can you show me the source of these statistics?

Those statistics are everywhere... often quoted by every expert on Internet dating in existence. It's the dirty little secret within this industry.
 KathyCM
Joined: 1/19/2008
Msg: 24
Guys asking to meet with you immediately
Posted: 5/14/2008 5:01:52 PM
My advice is simple: If a man cannot carry on a conversation via email, or chatline , he has nothing to offer and continues wanting to meet. GORGET HIM! Anyway I know by a man's profile or his first approach if he is worth meeting.
Guys asking to meet with you immediately
Posted: 5/14/2008 9:28:35 PM
Why should dating/meeting online be any different than real life? If you're at a bar/club/grocery store/ etc and someone comes over and shows interest in you, would you at least talk to them face to face or would you just give them your email address and tell them they have to email you for weeks before you'll continue to talk to them face to face?

In the olden days, before the Internet, people would meet, exchange numbers, and then go out after a call or two. Now, people want to prolong it for days, weeks or even months sending impersonal emails. Being a guy who's looking to build a relationship, I know the building process doesn't begin until you meet in real life.
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