Notice: Forums will be shutdown by June 2019

To focus on better serving our members, we've decided to shut down the POF forums.

While regular posting is now disabled, you can continue to view all threads until the end of June 2019. Event Hosts can still create and promote events while we work on a new and improved event creation service for you.

Thank you!

Plentyoffish dating forums are a place to meet singles and get dating advice or share dating experiences etc. Hopefully you will all have fun meeting singles and try out this online dating thing... Remember that we are the largest free online dating service, so you will never have to pay a dime to meet your soulmate.
     
Show ALL Forums  > Over 45  > He is sick, she left him...      Home login  
 AUTHOR
 Moonchild51
Joined: 3/11/2007
Msg: 2
view profile
History
He is sick, she left him...Page 1 of 11    (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10, 11)
I have to say that I admire your "friend" for her taking care of her family all those years. However? Did the lady in fact "leave" the marital home and her sick hubby? Or did he go into a home to be cared for instead of her leaving? If she wanted something on the side, wth happened to having a little "discretion"? Why did she feel compelled to tell her ailing spouse? Do you not think he had enough to deal with without being hurt that she was doing "stuff" elsewhere? I think that was terribly selfish on her part! And lastly, you ask why others would not wish to be involved? If this gal up and left her sick spouse after telling him she was going to "fool around", do you not think potential dates would think her "unfeeling,uncaring"? That perhaps the lady was callous and would treat them the same way? I am sorry. I truly do realize her situation. Surely would not be easy to live with. She could have continued on with maintainging her home, her hubby, and share some time with someone discreetly. I know of folks who are in the same position. They stay with their spouses and are honest and up front with those they choose to spend some time with. Sorry situation indeed!
 Moonchild51
Joined: 3/11/2007
Msg: 6
view profile
History
He is sick, she left him...
Posted: 5/13/2008 10:44:13 AM

Why is that any different, I queery?


That is different as he was your father. There was not the marital committment. Wasn't the promise of in sickness and in health. Then again, I do not have all the details and truly? I think I should have refrained from commenting to be honest. Based simply on the fact that I do "not" know the details...
 MacKevinized
Joined: 2/15/2006
Msg: 9
view profile
History
He is sick, she left him...
Posted: 5/13/2008 11:54:00 AM
When your friend got married, did she promise to stay with him in sickness and in health, for richer or poorer, for better or worse till death?

My ex wife had the same delema. I got sick and she had to start working to provide income. For an extra $20 a month she could have put me on her medical insurance but that was too much for her to handle. She expected me to be the financial provider and resented it.
When she left, I was admited to a hospital and it took 4 years to recover.

Your friend as demonstrated her so called "needs" were more important than her spouse and it's no surprise at all that when her dates find out how she handled the situation, they leave.

Why would anyone want to be involved with someone that they know will probably leave them when they get ill, lose income after making those vows?

As her friend, do you think sex is more important than her vows?
 Celticmist
Joined: 2/1/2005
Msg: 10
He is sick, she left him...
Posted: 5/13/2008 12:03:02 PM
I tend to a little less judgemental about people who become caretakers for any length of time, having been the caretaker for 2 elderly and ill parents for over 20 yrs. My life took a backseat, and I almost killed myself in the process, so I am not going to recommend anyone do what I did. If I was married, and became ill with no hope of recovery, I would book myself into a care facility, rather than become a burden to someone I loved.

We all respond to stress, illness differently. Most doctors will tell you that caretakers often become ill themselves taking care of loved ones and put their own health at risk. I have walked a mile in similar mocassins. so I am not about to throw stones at the OP's friend, only she knows what she went through,and what it took to make her reach such a decision. She also has children to consider in that decision.

I wish her the best of luck OP and she has my prayers.
 rearguard*2
Joined: 2/8/2008
Msg: 16
view profile
History
He is sick, she left him...
Posted: 5/13/2008 1:08:38 PM
Yes indeed, just what I would look for when seeking an LTR is a woman who wants to be with me for a good time, but not a long time.....

Duhhhhhhhhhhh..........
 Moonchild51
Joined: 3/11/2007
Msg: 18
view profile
History
He is sick, she left him...
Posted: 5/13/2008 1:34:16 PM
^^^^ Ahmen Sista! Guess that is what puts us all on a dating site isn't it?

Messages this short may not be posted.....OMG, tis still too short.......
 rustytraveler
Joined: 4/30/2007
Msg: 19
He is sick, she left him...
Posted: 5/13/2008 2:07:37 PM
I've yet to meet a man on here who has the vaguest notion that he might get ill or croak in the somewhat near future......and yet this woman is reviled after staying with this man for double digit years, taking on all the responsibilities and sacrificing her life for his.

Of course still in some parts of India she would be required to burn with her husband on the funeral pyre or go to the 'widows home' and remaining celibate for the rest of her life, no matter at what age she was widowed.

I say 'don't cast stones if you live in a glass house'. Everyone is different and so are the couples and none of us knows what we would do until hits where we live. How many boys left their pregnant girlfriends, husbands when the kid had physical problems and wives struck by breast cancer....walk a mile in someone elses shoes before casting stones.
 MacKevinized
Joined: 2/15/2006
Msg: 22
view profile
History
He is sick, she left him...
Posted: 5/13/2008 3:53:29 PM
I've yet to meet a man on here who has the vaguest notion that he might get ill or croak in the somewhat near future......and yet this woman is reviled after staying with this man for double digit years, taking on all the responsibilities and sacrificing her life for his.


The woman was praised for her staying when she did, she did not sacrifice her life (people in Iraq are sacrificing their lives for oil) and she was not reviled she was criticized for telling him she was going to have affairs leaving him cause she was horny.

If a man treated his sick wife that way, the women would be screaming about him thinking with his penis.
Some women use any excuse to take pot shots at men.
 MacKevinized
Joined: 2/15/2006
Msg: 34
view profile
History
When the going gets tough, the tough get going...
Posted: 5/14/2008 4:01:05 AM

As I come back to this thread again to read peoples’ responses, one thing puzzles me. There has been mentioned a couple of times, the ‘walk a mile in my shoes’ argument – with that insinuation that it makes a greater justification for a moral decision.


I believe this is called "situational ethics", form your ethics based on the situation to justify choices that feel good.

To "walk a mile", in this case would include having an ill spouse and choosing to have an affair.

I don't buy into the argument she made a moral decision to tell him of her desire to have a sexual/emotionally intimate relationship outside her marriage which is considered an immoral act.

I don't buy into the idea of not making judgments either. I have to laugh when I see someone using the 'you shouldn't be judgmental' argument comming from those that reject a date cause of no chemistry (a judgment call), that decide to get a divorce (a judgment call), leave a sick spouse (a judgment call). We all make judgments, correct or incorrect, we make them. But that doesn't mean I will assign a punishment or not sympathize with those that make errors in judgments but I don't have pity for this woman because the men she has affairs with leave her and I don't have pity for her because she's lonely.

I'll save the pity for the lonely guy in the care facility. I know exactly how that feels.
 Moonchild51
Joined: 3/11/2007
Msg: 37
view profile
History
When the going gets tough, the tough get going...
Posted: 5/14/2008 6:30:46 AM
^^Exactly Blue! I have not been in a situation that the OP describes, but I know I could not walk away from my responsibilities. The thing that really "gets me" about this entire issue is that the gal felt the NEED to tell her hubby about wanting to get sex outside of the marriage. Wth? Sure, I understand her struggles with everything but why hurt the man that way? I don't care if they were "close" or not, there was absolutely no reason for her to treat him that way....
 MacKevinized
Joined: 2/15/2006
Msg: 41
view profile
History
He is sick, she left him...
Posted: 5/14/2008 3:27:11 PM

OP, let me make this perfectly clear, people who have NOT walked in these shoes, should really not be judgemental. What those people don't understand is that raising the children, working, and caring for the disabled is mentally and physically exhausting and very unhealthy./quote]

Boy is this a judgmental statement or what. It says people without similar circumstances are too dumb to make correct judgments.

Maybe some people are too dumb but there's alternatives other than telling your spouse you're having affairs and expecting future lovers to ignore the emotional pain she inflicted on a guy that was already suffering.

I've lived in long-term care and seen way too many spouses come to visit their ill partners.

There are lots of people out there that mean it when they say "for better or worse" and many of those visitors, exhausted from caring for families and their spouse, would never have considered choosing to have affairs.
 TxSippiGal
Joined: 9/30/2007
Msg: 43
view profile
History
He is sick, she left him...
Posted: 5/14/2008 6:31:25 PM
I certianly won't judge her.. because I prolly wouldn't do it as long as she did. We'd all like to think that we would hang in there.. but I can't imagine the stress she felt not only him with a debilitating disease but also having to raise the kids by herself.. unbelieveable stress.. you'd need more than your own strength to endure something like that.

My hat goes off to her.
 GrandmaBooBoo
Joined: 12/30/2006
Msg: 52
view profile
History
He is sick, she left him...
Posted: 5/17/2008 3:36:37 AM
Very good advise Wayward. I stand with those who decide NOT to judge this woman; as you say....we do NOT know the whole story.

We can't possibly know whether PERHAPS, there were OTHER problems in the marriage. Long term illnesses or as the OP put it...."debilitating diseases" effect not only the person with them....but everyone who cares about them as well.

I have to question, aside from physical impairments....what mental and emotional affects did the man suffer? Did he become resentful and hateful toward his wife because she could and did do all the things that needed done? Did it appear to her that he blamed her for his misery? Did he take things out on her because she was able to be involved with the children and he wasn't. Did he APPRECIATE any of the sacrifices she made to care for him during those "double digit" years?

We like to push the "for better or worse, til death do us part" stuff down the throats of OTHERS....but how many have been able to justify breaking those promises.....let's say...if she gains 300 lbs.....or if he becomes an alcholic and loses his job?

Don't judge this woman unless you've walked a mile or 6 in HER shoes. And don't give me that nonsense that you cared for an ailing PARENT. It is NOT the same. Not unless you dependend on that parent for a "marital" relationship, and all the DIFFERENT kinds of support and affection that the term implies. (Then you're one sick puppy!)
 MacKevinized
Joined: 2/15/2006
Msg: 55
view profile
History
He is sick, she left him...
Posted: 5/17/2008 6:37:22 AM

However I do not generalize from this, the details of each situation are different. We should all applaud the caregiver who sticks with it to the end, but we should withhold judgment of one who does not until we know the whole story


Withholding judgments is impossible. So I don't now the whole story, so what, I don't need the whole story to judge the incidents that are being described.
Should we say it's was OK for someone to cheat on a spouse because they had an argument?
My guess is that those asking (more like demanding) us not to make judgments are attempting to justify their own selfish treatment towards other's in their lives and fear being seen as unwanted.

Even if I knew the whole story, I'd still judge the incidents within that story. Overall, I may have some compassion for the woman's plight but the fact of the matter is that she made a promise when they exchanged rings and then decided there was a good enough reason to break it.

Telling people not to make judgments is the same as telling them to 'please be stupid'.
 MacKevinized
Joined: 2/15/2006
Msg: 58
view profile
History
I was sick, I left him...
Posted: 5/17/2008 8:22:54 AM

My ex-husband figured he was set for life. He had a sick wife who needed taking care of. So, although his primary neurotic fear was of abandonment by a central female figure (starts with his mother), he figured I would never leave him. The little misbehaviors that had always infuriated me - such as hiding money away, community property money, and spending outlandishly on things I wasn't supposed to find out about - escalated. He figured I would never leave him.


Did you make a vow and break it? Yes. Did you marry someone you didn't know very well? Sounds like it.
Will your next relationship feel secure that you will be able to make and keep a promise to love in sickness and health? Probably not.

My ex thought I was hiding money too, even though we had a joint checking account and she deposited my paychecks and controlled the check book.

I've learned my lesson about trying to have a relationship with someone easily annoyed and infuriated, especially when those emotions are allowed to dictate behavior.


let only those who have experienced the same demanding situation as she, judge her.


another judgmental statement!
 GrandmaBooBoo
Joined: 12/30/2006
Msg: 62
view profile
History
Re: Msg 59
Posted: 5/17/2008 10:57:19 AM

Did you make a vow and break it? Yes.
Ya gotta love those self serving 1/2 answers Royal Pain. Never mind the part of the vow that said....."to love, HONOR and cherish".....it's like some "disabled" persons are so busy feeling sorry for themselves that they expect everyone else to cater and sacrifice for them....and THEY feel that breaking THEIR part of the vow is justified...because they had some illness as an excuse. Yes, when they drive their partners to the brink of sucide with their bitterness, they NEVER see that as equally debilitating.

You (Royal Pain) have shown us the OPPOSITE side of the coin....a person who decided to live a WHOLE life.....as much as you're able...without complaint and whinning. You are able to see past your disability, even to separate it from consideration when you determine what behaviors are acceptable, and NOT acceptable from BOTH sides of the fence.

When I tossed out the example of men who divorce their wives because they gain weight....I neglected to mention those who will also divorce their wife.....or physically or mentally abuse her if she loses weight...or is attractive in any way to other men. Sounds like the mentality of your ex.....he wanted you disabled so that you were easier to take advantage of. Funny....but that certainly does NOT sound like "love or honor" to me. Those who uphold their double standards as the only way to not "be stupid" should be pitied......they will never find the peace....or the integrity that you have found.
 MacKevinized
Joined: 2/15/2006
Msg: 65
view profile
History
and after moral failings, comes ...
Posted: 5/17/2008 2:54:53 PM

I'd recommend the friend forgive herself, stop telling dates about the basis of her breakup, and resolve to be a better person in the future. The fact that she is still telling everyone about this mess tells me she hasn't come to an ethical resolution, seeks forgiveness in all the wrong places, and probably isn't ready to date just yet.


Yea right. When her dates ask what happened to her marriage, she should do what? Lie or tell them it's none of their business.

My ex wife did that she told everyone that I was a lazy creep that made her go to work while I slept on the couch for 24 hours a day.
That worked for her divorce lawyer until the judge made the lawyer read the medical report out loud. When my ex started protesting that I faked it all so that I could collect on her inheritance, her lawyer told her to keep her mouth shut. The judge told us he wished spouses had the same rights as animals because then he could toss her into jail for abandoning me the way she did.

Maybe she SHOULD find someone that walked in her shoes. Some one that had an ill spouse they cheated on.

Maybe POF should subdivide the Divorced status into the dumped and the dumpies to make it easier to recognize each other and avoid being judged for their treatment of their former spouses.

I'd be willing to wager the arguments justifying cheating on a sick spouse are coming mostly from those that dumped their spouse and don't want to be judged for their reasons for doing it.
 MacKevinized
Joined: 2/15/2006
Msg: 75
view profile
History
He is sick, she left him...
Posted: 5/18/2008 5:55:03 AM

People have different level of tolerance to pain and discomfort. Sometimes, I becomes a flight for survival. One never knows where the truth lies, therefore one should not judge without knowing the exact conditions that lead somebody to make a specific choice. Walk in a person shoes, before judging.


My feet are size 11 1/2 and very wide from preferring to go barefoot. Trying to squeeze into tiny shoes isn't going to happen because I would only cause my self to be frustrated when I couldn't get them on and so much pain if I actually got them on that I couldn't walk across the room let alone for a mile.

To give up making judgments would mean I'd have to shrink my brain into such a narrow mindset that would hurt too.
For all those having trouble with getting a date and needing to remain without judgments I suggest you check out meet-an-inmate.com. They're looking for non judgmental partners too.
 daynadaze
Joined: 2/11/2008
Msg: 79
view profile
History
He is sick, she left him...
Posted: 5/18/2008 4:51:35 PM
She's in one heck of a bad place, I can't even imagine how hard their life has been, all of them the children included. She should be thankful for those who choose to not want to get to know her better, it would be worse if they stuck around to make her life even more miserable! She should be honest, be who she is and seek what she wants out of her life. Not everyone will judge her badly, not everyone will not want to be with her. She needs to not try to analyze and worry over those who aren't interested so that she's not missing out on those who are interested in her and want what she has to give.
 GrandmaBooBoo
Joined: 12/30/2006
Msg: 80
view profile
History
He is sick, she left him...
Posted: 5/19/2008 6:45:46 AM

It's very sad. I think sometimes the burden of caring for an ill family member just becomes more than they can bear. When this happens the spouse is more likely to start longing for escape. When I see the spouse or family of a patient becoming "burnt out" in the situation, it is wise to obtain respite care or if necessary facility care for the patient. The whole situation is just very sad. I cannot find it within myself to judge your friend.
ABSOLUTELY Jana! It is VERY sad indeed. Those who DO judge this woman will BE judged with the same measure of selfishness and hatred that they have judged her. They propose the idea that anyone who defends her are themselves irresponsible dogs; when in truth, it's more likely that at some point in their lives they failed to hang onto someone with threats of suicide, or sudden pregnancies and are now projecting their lame attempts for sympathy onto the tragic lives of those who are in REAL situations, with REAL illnesses. Some would have you believe that a spouse abandoned them over having to come up with an extra $20 a month!!! Most believe that this woman was a lazy bum who suddenly had to get a job; I suspect that the truth of the matter is....that she already HAD a job....and to make ends meet...she had to get a 2nd, and maybe a 3rd job. The same people who judge this woman post in numerous threads that women are incapable of doing any job worthy decent pay, and yet, when it suits their purpose, will suggest that she is deliberately selfish for NOT doing what they've already judged her (all women) incapable of in the first place. Then if the woman has to work 2 jobs to keep up with the bills.....they'll judge her for not being a good wife because she was 5 mins late with dinner on the table...and because the laundry isn't folded and put away when they wake up in the morning. These "judges" are the same ones who will never lift a finger to help....but will condemn ANYONE who is helping. How often do you see family members who unmercifully critize the caregiver for not taking care of their sick son/brother/uncle adequately...but who refuse to offer to get off their asses to take him/her for a doctor's appointment at 1pm so that he/she won't have to take 3 hrs off work (without pay). Then they critize the caregiver for serving tuna casserole 2 days in one week, saying they're lazy and should have a 3rd job so their ailing spouse can live a better lifestyle!

NO person who has ever been in the position would every condemn this woman. ONLY those takers and life suckers who refuse to be satisfied until someone has paid for what they think they're suffering would condemn her. "Respite" is a fallacy in MOST cases. As a "caregiver".....when my daughter died 23 months ago....I asked for "respite" and was told to suck it up.....find someone on my own...surely I could figure out how to manage BOTH caregiving and making funeral arrangements....after all....that only takes a few hours of my time. Caregivers are NOT ALLOWED to be sick themselves, suffer personal tragedy, or have any personal needs. Forget your annual mammogram, pap smear, forget dental appointments.....you're NOT ALLOWED to take care of your own petty needs......the disabled persons needs must ALWAYS.....ALWAYS come first. Too bad that there's only 24 hrs in a day and that 3rd job means you don't sleep.....suck it up.....the disabled need to be entertained...after all....THEY have needs....and they already feel really bad that they can't take care of themselves (as one post implied)

I'm not in any way going off on all persons who are disabled and truly "NEED" care. There ARE those who feel badly about the burden they put on their families and who become unnecessarily depressed because of it, when in fact their families don't consider it nearly the burden that they think they do. However, there ARE those who see disability as an entitlement....the RIGHT to inflict bad tempers, unreasonable demands, and outrageous hostility onto anyone who comes into contact with them. I think that we may have seen a few examples posted here. I find it very difficult to believe that an otherwise healthy relationship would fall apart in a matter of a few months over a lousy $20. Much more likely that the bitterness and hostility over a temporary illness was the "straw that broke the camel's back" in a marriage that was doomed in the first place by overbearing meanness.

When I was 12 yrs old, my cousin became paralyzed in an automobile accident. (He was 18 yrs old) I still remember what one nurse told him; "Gary, I have 44 patients, you therefore deserve 1/44th of my time". That summer, I learned to shave him, brush his teeth, shampoo his hair...mostly just turning the pages of his book. On weekends (when I didn't have school) I spent nights at the hospital, sleeping in a chair so that my Aunt could go home....not to rest, but to catch up on all the laundry and housework that her husband and other 3 sons WOULDN'T do.

In my opinion....ANYONE who judges a "caregiver"....who has been in that role for ....as the OP said....."double digit years"...is a leech...a faker, a whiner....a taker; a selfish, inconsiderate, lazy, life sucking bum....one who is incapable of doing ANYTHING...but judging.
 MacKevinized
Joined: 2/15/2006
Msg: 82
view profile
History
He is sick, she left him...
Posted: 5/19/2008 8:03:40 AM

ABSOLUTELY Jana! It is VERY sad indeed. Those who DO judge this woman will BE judged with the same measure of selfishness and hatred that they have judged her. They propose the idea that anyone who defends her are themselves irresponsible dogs; when in truth, it's more likely that at some point in their lives they failed to hang onto someone with threats of suicide, or sudden pregnancies and are now projecting their lame attempts for sympathy onto the tragic lives of those who are in REAL situations, with REAL illnesses. Some would have you believe that a spouse abandoned them over having to come up with an extra $20 a month!!! Most believe that this woman was a lazy bum who suddenly had to get a job; I suspect that the truth of the matter is....that she already HAD a job....and to make ends meet...she had to get a 2nd, and maybe a 3rd job. The same people who judge this woman post in numerous threads that women are incapable of doing any job worthy decent pay, and yet, when it suits their purpose, will suggest that she is deliberately selfish for NOT doing what they've already judged her (all women) incapable of in the first place. Then if the woman has to work 2 jobs to keep up with the bills.....they'll judge her for not being a good wife because she was 5 mins late with dinner on the table...and because the laundry isn't folded and put away when they wake up in the morning. These "judges" are the same ones who will never lift a finger to help....but will condemn ANYONE who is helping. How often do you see family members who unmercifully critize the caregiver for not taking care of their sick son/brother/uncle adequately...but who refuse to offer to get off their asses to take him/her for a doctor's appointment at 1pm so that he/she won't have to take 3 hrs off work (without pay). Then they critize the caregiver for serving tuna casserole 2 days in one week, saying they're lazy and should have a 3rd job so their ailing spouse can live a better lifestyle!


Thanks for the fine example of reading in between the lines, projecting your disgust onto those that don't agree with you and some excellent name calling.
I know I didn't say about lazy bum, all women... I saw no one mention hatred.


In my opinion....ANYONE who judges a "caregiver"....who has been in that role for ....as the OP said....."double digit years"...is a leech...a faker, a whiner....a taker; a selfish, inconsiderate, lazy, life sucking bum....one who is incapable of doing ANYTHING...but judging.


Right, only YOU have the right to judge and any one that disagrees with you deserves to be called such names.

I think it's good your profile says dating because who want's to have an LTR with someone that justifies having an affair?
 GrandmaBooBoo
Joined: 12/30/2006
Msg: 83
view profile
History
He is sick, she left him...
Posted: 5/19/2008 11:59:35 AM

I think it's good your profile says dating because who want's to have an LTR with someone that justifies having an affair?
LOL! It DOES????? That's funny, cause I just looked...and lo and behold..it says what it's ALWAYS said...."LTR". Well, gosh....maybe we all need our eyes examined...because we know that MAC has NEVER, ever been wrong about ANYTHING.


Right, only YOU have the right to judge and any one that disagrees with you deserves to be called such names.
Ahhhhh, so, you don't like having your OWN game played right back at you! Poor Baby!

As for my profile and dating preference....please do NOT concern youself. Fortunately there is no great shortage of people who recognize temper tantrums as such....and are fully cognizant that NONE of my posts has even slightly hinted at "justifying affairs". I am curious however how some people can defend divorce in some cases....but not in others....and it would seem that the ONLY difference is ....which one is on the "worse end" of the "for better or worse". By stating, "Did she break the marriage vows....YES"....then hang her. You are also saying that if she broke marriage vows due to having her child raped or murdered...that REGARDLESS of reasons....she broke the vow...so hang her. Your intolerance knows no bounds.....and I STILL stand with those who do NOT condone or justify infidelity...but who have the good sense to recognize a truly difficult and sad scenario and who will admit that if placed in the same sort of circumstances....don't honestly know what we would do. Of course the Holier than Thou folks will continue to insist that THEY would NEVER do such a thing...but then.....it's rather a difficult thing to prove isn't it? Put your money where your mouth is.....and marry someone who needs that degree of attention and resources....and then come back and PROVE yourself! Part of having the "right" to judge someone; is in knowing when NOT to judge them.
 MacKevinized
Joined: 2/15/2006
Msg: 85
view profile
History
He is sick, she left him...
Posted: 5/19/2008 1:38:05 PM

We don't know if the woman worked 3, 4 or 5 jobs, nor do we know if there were other family members helping. Also we don't have a clue as to whether the man was mean-spirited or a nice guy that became disabled, or if the marriage was over before the disability. The OP said they were very much in love. But, really, nobody knows but the 2 people. JMO


We know she had affairs and told her sick husband. We know her lovers vanished when they found out instead of becoming further involved and we know her. We can judge that.

We know some would rather have us put our brains away rather than say the MEN that dumped her made a wise decision.
We know some would rather claim we are condemning her to hang when we make a judgment
We know rather than discuss what we know, some will talk about anything but the facts we were told and have us assume her decision to cheat is justifiable.


Do you think this is a good reason for not wanting to be involved with someone? I don't understand how someone could judge a person this way, if they had not had the experience or witnessed the experience themselves, can anyone enlighten me (and ultimately her)?


I see no one has chastised the op for asking us to judge the men she cheated with. Is it only the women we are not supposed to judge?
 GrandmaBooBoo
Joined: 12/30/2006
Msg: 86
view profile
History
He is sick, she left him...
Posted: 5/19/2008 3:37:38 PM
We also know that without exception, it is the female who is expected to work 3 jobs, maintain an active sports schedule for the children, entertain his family on all holidays, babysit for his neices and nephews when his brother comes to take him out fishing because he doesn't get around much. Men of course, can't load a dishwasher or change a diaper...because....they "work" (1 job).

Also we know that somewhere in his double digit years of ailment...he worked a job for 30 years and single handedly paid for a home...which one poster believes that she extorted from him before telling him she wanted something on the side. We (you) also know as unrefutable truth that when she said she needed "more" that she was definitely talking about sex....and could not have possibly meant that she wanted 1 day a month off to go have lunch with her sister or her mother.

We also know that even if he had raped their 13 yr old daughter 2 weeks before being diagnosed with the debilitation disease...that claiming illness voids any other considerations.

LOL! hey....why bother to post any forum topics at all......everyone...just email the "Know it All" and save yourself a lot of reading!
 tableguy
Joined: 11/12/2007
Msg: 88
He is sick, she left him...
Posted: 5/19/2008 8:02:52 PM
It can be summed up in these words "different strokes for different folks".Some people can be caregivers for one week , some one year and some a lifetime. When people agree to "for better or worse", they in most cases havent experienced the worse. They have no idea what they are facing.
We all can be judgemental , and usually judge on our perception and on our upbringing.I have experienced similar, when you talk about your immediate family. You tend talk about your own, and to you it means life itself while to others in the family it means sh*t happens and you yourself have to go on.. Who is right, depends on who is doing the judging. When one feels guilty they always ask for approval, some will say yes, while other will say no way, just like this site.
Show ALL Forums  > Over 45  > He is sick, she left him...