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 Author Thread: Do you care about a womans number ?
 secondhand_lion
Joined: 11/10/2008
Msg: 381 (view)
 
Do you care about a womans number ?
Posted: 11/5/2013 8:54:23 PM
^^^^Damit Micki, things are hard enough these days without having to be a hacker to get behind some panties. I guess us old computer illiterate has beens don't stand a chance anymore. LOL
 secondhand_lion
Joined: 11/10/2008
Msg: 379 (view)
 
Do you care about a womans number ?
Posted: 11/5/2013 8:02:23 PM
^^^^That sounds pretty good until you do the math. If the men are doing all the sleeping around, and the women aren't....who are these men sleeping with? I know, I know...but we don't have many sheep around these days....So, I'm assuming we have lot's of great keys and just a very few worn out shitty locks...right? LOL
 secondhand_lion
Joined: 11/10/2008
Msg: 41 (view)
 
final great monotheistic religion
Posted: 11/5/2013 8:51:32 AM
^^^^That works for me!.......guess I need to start packing some bags.LOL................................................
 secondhand_lion
Joined: 11/10/2008
Msg: 39 (view)
 
final great monotheistic religion
Posted: 11/5/2013 1:55:49 AM
How about we just go back to a golden idol...maybe wearing a platinum bikini? We never had any trouble out of those...did we?
 Secondhand_Lion
Joined: 11/10/2008
Msg: 64 (view)
 
Morals and Masterbation!!!!
Posted: 11/2/2013 10:08:06 PM
It's wrong, immoral and illegal....at least that's what everyone was screaming at me in the shopping mall the other day.....those mannequins at Sears are just too much! LOL
 secondhand_lion
Joined: 11/10/2008
Msg: 71 (view)
 
What's the most you've ever masturbated in a 48 hour time span?
Posted: 11/1/2013 10:11:40 PM
That's it....I want every last one of you locker room wankers to line up at the booth....father Murphy's waiting for you.....and wash your spunk smelling hands before handling those rosary beads. LOL
 secondhand_lion
Joined: 11/10/2008
Msg: 75 (view)
 
Foreskin Restoration
Posted: 11/1/2013 2:46:38 PM
^^^^Hey that's pretty good shyman....you might have started the latest dysphemism. Lady calls from the bank "Mr. Lion, your account has been hacked and you are overdrawn 300,000"....Oh my God lady, I'm having a foreskin moment...you've got to get this shit straightened out. LOL
 secondhand_lion
Joined: 11/10/2008
Msg: 633 (view)
 
Women...would you pay for sex with a man?
Posted: 11/1/2013 2:28:26 PM
All I've got to say is this....you wimmins need to change your attitude, because you're screwing up my retirement plan.LOL
 secondhand_lion
Joined: 11/10/2008
Msg: 72 (view)
 
Foreskin Restoration
Posted: 10/31/2013 8:49:02 PM
Thanks for clearing that up sigungq.... 14 feet huh? Hot damn....just wait til dem wimmins hear what I got in my shorts now! Hell...I'm proud even if it is just a bunch of nerve endings.LOL
 secondhand_lion
Joined: 11/10/2008
Msg: 69 (view)
 
Foreskin Restoration
Posted: 10/31/2013 5:45:37 PM
^^^^ Damn sigungq, I envy the hell out of those that had 14" of sensitive nerve endings to remove....I don't have 14" of anything down there...far less that much extra skin. LOL
 secondhand_lion
Joined: 11/10/2008
Msg: 154 (view)
 
What would you do, if you were a god?
Posted: 10/31/2013 1:17:31 PM
Well, let's see....I'd get everbody all excited about green energy with hybrid and electric cars. Then I'd watch the oil companies buy up all the battery companies and invest the rest in all the new nuclear power plants required to recharge a billion vehicles every day. Then I'd grab that little blue ball and shake the livin shit out of it, and watch it glow in the dark without the suns help. After things cooled for a million or so years...I'd give it back to the lizards, at least they were smart enough to make it 60 million years against your 2 million. LOL
 secondhand_lion
Joined: 11/10/2008
Msg: 105 (view)
 
Marriage, do you believe in it, why/not?
Posted: 10/30/2013 7:14:35 PM
^^^^I just love smart women, and I'd bet you know about the Mosuo tribe and culture...a few small tweaks, and you'd have the perfect functional society. Wouldn't ya just know it....I finally find my soul mate, and she's 30 years too young..damit, damit, damit.LOL
 secondhand_lion
Joined: 11/10/2008
Msg: 149 (view)
 
What would you do, if you were a god?
Posted: 10/30/2013 3:06:01 PM
^^^^^Hummm, your keyboard seems to be working fine now!.....either that, or you figured out the ghetto garbage was coming across a little juvenile for a 41 year old. I'll try to work on my gentleman side, but you won't mind if I reserve it for ladies....would you?....In my neck of the woods, they seldom speak of methane cannons or do the ghetto talk. LOL Now, if you don't mind, since I have your permission to be who I am....I'll return to that.....and hopefully, you will return to your usual rhetoric......fair enough?
 secondhand_lion
Joined: 11/10/2008
Msg: 147 (view)
 
What would you do, if you were a god?
Posted: 10/30/2013 2:11:34 PM
^^^^Come to think of it....you're absolutely right!....so I guess I won't need to translate this middle finger for you. LOL

Do you have some keys that malfunction, or just struggling to sound ghetto cool?
 secondhand_lion
Joined: 11/10/2008
Msg: 36 (view)
 
final great monotheistic religion
Posted: 10/30/2013 1:56:43 PM
Hey people....great news! We have just opened our faith testing grounds to all faithful religious folks. Come one, come all, bring your bible, torah, koran, favorite prayers and let's have some fun! Classifications for the pros to the hypocites. 10 acres of easy to view action packed prayer testing, with plenty of screams, crunching and splat sounds to amuse all. Our attractions include the lions den, gator kissing contest, the bullet catching contest, and the rotten parachute jump....those leaving the most shallow impact craters receive the highest scores. Who's God answers the most prayers?....who has the most faith?....who makes the loudest splat sound?...all these questions will be answered and more!.....rain or shine, and don't forget those cameras!

Free parking, restrooms and concessions provided

Sponsored by Hall's funeral home, Ash hill crematory, Heavenly acres, Bad day ambulance service and Martha's florist.
 secondhand_lion
Joined: 11/10/2008
Msg: 145 (view)
 
What would you do, if you were a god?
Posted: 10/30/2013 12:09:55 PM
^^^^^Duhhh.....ever heard of a hypothetical guestion?......it's a new concept that's been floating around since we gave up sign language.
 secondhand_lion
Joined: 11/10/2008
Msg: 61 (view)
 
Is it Right?
Posted: 10/24/2013 12:04:59 PM
Hummm, while someone is searching for definable virtues from humanity, like right, wrong and truth....let's use a little perspective here and see what we come up with.

In 1692, the right thing to do was burn and hang 200 people for witch craft.....today the right thing is allow public servants to beat the hell out of pregnant women and shoot unarmed men for traffic infractions.

You will teach your three year old about monsters in the closet to keep him in bed, and the tooth fairy who gives him money for allowing you to snatch his tooth out. Later comes the Easter bunny, Santa Claus, and finally the invisible sky daddy. If you've had any luck at all raising him...it's likely he's sucking up my tax dollars in the form of govenment grants looking for Big foot, Noahs ark or selling UFO tee shirts in Roswell.

You parade your 99% naked body publically around the beach or swimming pool, yet you scream and run for cover should the wind blow your door open, and the mail man catches a glimpse of your slip and bra.....is this logical, or were you programmed to be crazy?

If I or your best friend who might be a true authority on a subject tells you something in person, it's bullshit.....if we write exactly the same on paper and sell it to you for 29.95, or it was found in ancient cave....it's gospel.

TRUTH?.....right and wrong?......are you kidding me? Just how long do you have to live on this earth to figure out that the word "truth" is nothing more than a term used to validate your current state of insanity? Truth is a subjective term.....just as much so as "right" and "wrong". If you're looking for a word with some meat on the bones, maybe you should gravitate toward the word "FACT".......and here's a couple of facts for you......you are all clinically insane, and have been programmed to be so since birth....as you will program your children to be. The only reason you don't or can't acknowledge this fact is because you are all suffering from the same delusion and validate eachother. The other FACT is....you're going to die and the dirt that you fertilize won't care what you thought.......but everything else is up for grabs or your interpretation. LOL
 secondhand_lion
Joined: 11/10/2008
Msg: 24 (view)
 
complete lose of sex drive after ejaculation
Posted: 10/23/2013 2:28:57 AM
It depends on how many of your senses a woman arouses....I've had beauty with no brains, and wondered how I managed to get excited in the first place after it was over......then again, I've had a few that everything about them turned me on.......couldn't get off of those until I was dehydrated and desperately needed water.
 secondhand_lion
Joined: 11/10/2008
Msg: 157 (view)
 
Oral Sex on Uncircumsized Penis...?
Posted: 10/23/2013 1:59:38 AM
Damn, I can imagine the problems eating a banana might cause some people. LOL...............................
 secondhand_lion
Joined: 11/10/2008
Msg: 20 (view)
 
How to satisfy this fantasy?
Posted: 10/23/2013 12:50:19 AM
2ink7189...I'm with MsMicki, you aren't normal by a long shot. First off, I can't imagine a woman that would appreciate you nose stuck in the crack of her azz, and while were on the subject, lets boil this down to lowest common denominator. Since a freshly bathed butt cheek shouldn't have any discernible scent, would it be safe to assume your primary target is the azz hole? Now...if common sense doesn't fail me, there shouldn't be any gender difference in poop scent. Sooo... if you were blindfolded and had your snoz burried in Richard Simmons rump, likely you'd be just as happy....right?...at least til the blindfold came off.LOL I hate to break it to you forumite, but the verdict is, you're a heterosexual with a dodo fetish......now you tell us if you think that's normal, and while you are at it, how normal would it be to disclose such an Eewwwww fetish in public to be evaluated by the likes of me and Dr. Phil? LOL

 secondhand_lion
Joined: 11/10/2008
Msg: 143 (view)
 
What would you do, if you were a god?
Posted: 10/22/2013 12:31:35 PM
I think the most important thing I could do is increase the diameter of the human skull and decrease the elastic diameter of the human anus. LOL

Damn dwmitch!....and I thought the God we already had was twisted.LOL
 secondhand_lion
Joined: 11/10/2008
Msg: 156 (view)
 
It may be stupid, but what did we do with out cell phones?
Posted: 10/22/2013 11:44:32 AM
Yep, I could go on and on about the annoyance of cell phones and the poor manners and stupidity they inspire. People seem to think it's cute to be talking to you about getting together, then ring your door bell with phone in hand in the middle of the conversation ..like surprise...it's me already.....how childish! Then comes the pride of all the things their phones can do like double as a poor quality GPS. My vehicle has a nice hands off built in GPS with a screen large enough to view easily and a super fast refresh rate thats always well ahead of the next turn or able to re-route a change in two seconds. My daughter always wants to use her vehicle and cell phone GPS because the child seat is already in place.....what a POS...think I'd rather use a boyscout compass and draw directions in the sand with a stick. Let's not forget the freakin cell phone photos.....seems everytime I'm around her age group of friends, I'm forced to look at hundreds of snap shots of stupid party gestures showing off their tongue out thumbs up beer bottle pose they seem to think is sooooo cool....it seems even a cat yawning fasinates them. In my day, old people bored the hell out of the younger generation.....today I think it's the reverse...I'd rather watch a tree grow than suffer through what this younger crowd finds so amusing. Oops, I almost forgot...isn't it just lovely to listen to someone put you on speaker phone and piss during your phone conversation?....I think I liked it better when the phone cord wouldn't reach to the toilet. LOL
 secondhand_lion
Joined: 11/10/2008
Msg: 141 (view)
 
What would you do, if you were a god?
Posted: 10/21/2013 9:37:19 PM
I'd kick your ass for being dumb enough to believe in me.LOL.........................................................
 secondhand_lion
Joined: 11/10/2008
Msg: 197 (view)
 
What do you think of a man (or woman) who comes on really strong right away?
Posted: 10/21/2013 12:56:04 PM
I've had a few of those.....just made me wonder how many weeks pregnant they were, and where was the real father?
 secondhand_lion
Joined: 11/10/2008
Msg: 39 (view)
 
Are we really who we think we are?
Posted: 10/20/2013 3:08:58 PM
It's so great to not have to think about that anymore......if I really need to know, I'll call Homeland Security...they'll know who I am. LOL
 secondhand_lion
Joined: 11/10/2008
Msg: 106 (view)
 
So he/she USED to be Gay/Lesbian! Would you still date them?
Posted: 10/20/2013 11:51:50 AM
I'll ask my friend about it, he used to be Cherokee indian, but he's Irish now...............................................
 secondhand_lion
Joined: 11/10/2008
Msg: 31 (view)
 
Need a little advice.. emotional/verbal abuse?
Posted: 10/20/2013 11:19:13 AM
When everyone gets finished helping out the OP, could I get some help?.....I'm building my house on the fault line, and need some help picking out the roof shingle color.
 secondhand_lion
Joined: 11/10/2008
Msg: 139 (view)
 
It may be stupid, but what did we do with out cell phones?
Posted: 10/18/2013 3:02:39 AM
Oh yes..cell phones, the technology that assisted humanity to become the true idiots they were destined to be!

What did I do before cell phones?....well for one, when the light turned green, I was actually able to go without some idiot in front of me sending a text message.

I could stand in a checkout line without having to overhear the conversation of some moron that thinks he's a secret service agent.

I could be in a crowd without the surprise of some stupid rap ring tone going off in someones pocket beside me.

I could have dinner with someone without watching the food I paid for get cold while some nit wit talks to her kids and girlfriends.

I could talk to my daughter on our land line without her cell phone interrupting our conversation every two minutes.

I could have more piece and quite throughout my day, because friends couldn't call me from their job, car or the toilet.

I could have a day go by without some goober requesting my cell phone number so they can send me a text message.....forcing me to decline and insult them.

My friends and neighbors could leave my house just once, without having to return an hour later to pick up the cell phone they left behind.

I could have a conversation without dropped calls every 30 seconds followed by the call back and long winded explanation of the obvious.....sometimes six or eight times in a row.

I could go to a family reunion without fifty smart phones in my face for a photo with other family members.

I could go in public without the fear of ripping my pants and a photo of my ass showing up on YouTube.

I guess my love for cell phones and the idiots that abuse them is quite obvious.....if I could make one practical improvement on them.....they would be shaped like a suppository and come with a package of lube. Who invented the cell phone, and where does that S.O.B. live? LOL

I have one, but it gets used as it was originally intended to be used....for emergency use only.....not small talk darting through traffic one handed and distracted. Trust me...nothing you've got to say is important enough to put someone elses life in jeopardy.
 secondhand_lion
Joined: 11/10/2008
Msg: 35 (view)
 
YOUR BIGGEST TURN ON - WET AND WILD
Posted: 10/17/2013 10:26:04 AM
^^^^Yeah, I love that too.....but the banks just aren't sending out as many credit cards these days.
 secondhand_lion
Joined: 11/10/2008
Msg: 32 (view)
 
Element of Surprise
Posted: 10/16/2013 8:30:10 PM
OP...What on earth are you complaining about?.....you should be grateful. I hate receiving gifts from women....she might actually expect you to wear that sweater with Alvin and the chipmunks on it.LOL I'd much rather get nothing at all, than be provided with the proof that she knows nothing about me and wasted her money.

Well, in all fairness, there was one lovely Asian girlfriend that knew how to buy a man a gift.....her secret?...she actually paid attention to what my hobbies were.......much to my appreciation! Maybe it's a culture difference.LOL
 secondhand_lion
Joined: 11/10/2008
Msg: 29 (view)
 
YOUR BIGGEST TURN ON - WET AND WILD
Posted: 10/15/2013 9:28:44 PM
Well, I'd have to go back quite a few years to remember my biggest turn on. When I was dating my first wife, it was a very passionate relationship from the start, and right up to, but not including intercourse.....she was Catholic. We shared many times together nude and all over each other, but without actual penetration. Even though she was a virgin, the frequent heavy petting began bringing her to multiple orgasms, but left me hanging.....back then they didn't swallow.LOL I had to go home at night with the image of her lovely body still on my tortured mind, but it was so exciting thinking maybe the next time she will finally break down and surrender herself.....didn't happen for nearly a year.... the selfish little shit.LOL I think I spent the whole twelve months with a perpetual erection. She finally broke down....poor girl, I think I knocked both her hips out of joint and caused some spinal compression, but she survived.LOL Her initial pain turmed to passion quickly, and it was a very explosive experience for both with perfect timing.....no surprises or incompatibility issues....just a glorious mess!

Sex throughout my life has always been good, but I can't think of a single time that surpassed our first sexual experience for pure excitement. What I learned or realized about it, was that this drawn out long term petting and foreplay made us evolve to a perfect sexual harmony or synchronization that older adults seldom get to experience first time around, because there is no reason to hold back for extended periods or tease each other......we get excited, start tearing each others clothes off, and get on with it. Usually this works to some degree, but I can't say it's ever been the ultimate. There is just something about seeing your future lovers naked body an knowing her scent before endulging yourself with it. You mentally adjust it to your imaginary image, and the new reality becomes the object of your fantasy.....not a surprise that your mind is adjusting to as you are having sex.....who needs this additional mental distraction?

In short, the biggest turn on for me, is to see something first, and give my mind enough time to fantasize about it enough for it to become a strong desire.......then turn me loose on it! LOL
 secondhand_lion
Joined: 11/10/2008
Msg: 24 (view)
 
what your favorite sex position?
Posted: 10/5/2013 2:21:54 AM
^^^^Two or more show up to this old mans party....I'll be doing the horizontal face up ambulance position.
 secondhand_lion
Joined: 11/10/2008
Msg: 17 (view)
 
Loud women
Posted: 10/4/2013 10:30:56 AM
^^^^Wow...that's exactly how it went down....I'd start talking like "honey, hurry up and cum, I need to be on the lake in a few hours"....then the dogs across the street started barking when I took over their house. LOL
 secondhand_lion
Joined: 11/10/2008
Msg: 15 (view)
 
Loud women
Posted: 10/3/2013 1:42:07 PM
Well, I've always experimented with ways to get the height of vocals and screaming out of my woman.....the best I've found so far, is coming home with a new bass boat. LOL
 secondhand_lion
Joined: 11/10/2008
Msg: 155 (view)
 
Hygiene and intimacy (sexual)
Posted: 10/3/2013 12:38:33 PM
^^^^^Boy am I sold!....do I have to come to one of those hen parties, or can I order direct? I'll take a dozen bars of that dead sea soap, 6 jars of swamp mud face cream, and how about a half gallon of that chicken poop body lotion.....where do I send the check? LOL
 secondhand_lion
Joined: 11/10/2008
Msg: 154 (view)
 
Hygiene and intimacy (sexual)
Posted: 10/3/2013 2:24:11 AM
^^^^Well, I don't have to sleep with you....so you do it you do it your way, and I'll stick to my shower before bed time. LOL I couldn't sleep good crawling between clean sheets with a days funk on my body whether I'm having sex or not....and if I do, great...I'll be clean and ready. Maybe I'm one of the lucky ones that don't sweat or get funky sleeping for seven hours. After a morning face wash and teeth brushing, I'm ready to face the day....and if I'm still not fresh enough for co-workers.....they can kiss my azz....I'll be damned if I'm going to be fresher for a bunch of work jerks than I am for my lover.LOL
 Secondhand_Lion
Joined: 11/10/2008
Msg: 13 (view)
 
what your favorite sex position?
Posted: 10/2/2013 12:50:57 PM
^^^^^Blondie....that must be for the benefit of the newcomers.....the rest of us have known that for a long time.LOL
 Secondhand_Lion
Joined: 11/10/2008
Msg: 151 (view)
 
Hygiene and intimacy (sexual)
Posted: 10/2/2013 12:40:00 PM
^^^^I don't think it's a matter of how many times you shower a day, but more when you shower. No way my face is heading south on a woman that thinks her morning shower has her covered for midnight sex...handy wipes or not! It's just too damn simple to shower before bedtime, and rinse off together afterward. I think you are far less inhibited when you know you are clean and fresh.....besides, who am I concerned more about offending, some jerk off co-workers or my spouse? A shower rinse after the sex shouldn't have your co-workers holding their nose the next morning anyway....if they do, you better get your water quality checked or see a doctor.LOL
 Secondhand_Lion
Joined: 11/10/2008
Msg: 11 (view)
 
what your favorite sex position?
Posted: 10/2/2013 12:08:39 PM
Well, I'm a face person and love to kiss while down to business...not to mention having those warm soft breast pressed against me, so it's missionary for me.....BUTT, if her azzhole is more attractive than her face, I can sure see the value of a pony ride.LOL
 secondhand_lion
Joined: 11/10/2008
Msg: 13 (view)
 
Don't post photos of your Dog/Car/Toilet...
Posted: 9/26/2013 11:23:29 AM
I think it's a fairly reliable indication of what having a conversation with them might be like.....if they assume you're interested in looking at photos of a total strangers dogs, I'm sure they'll expect you to be interested in a conversation about their aunt Martha's second cousins pinky toe bunion.......just shoot me, please!
 secondhand_lion
Joined: 11/10/2008
Msg: 438 (view)
 
Do women like men who like Feet?
Posted: 9/19/2013 2:54:01 PM
My first wife had a shoe fetish that filled the closets and drained the bank account....I now prefer women without feet.LOL
 secondhand_lion
Joined: 11/10/2008
Msg: 106 (view)
 
Touching a manĀ“s butt?????
Posted: 9/19/2013 2:44:23 PM
Yep...all the many things in our environment that change our individual points of view on things.....like a proctologist with a hangnail.LOL
 secondhand_lion
Joined: 11/10/2008
Msg: 108 (view)
 
how big can a clitoris get....
Posted: 9/19/2013 2:29:14 PM
Bigger than I thought.....pretty sure I seen one driving a car yesterday.
 secondhand_lion
Joined: 11/10/2008
Msg: 71 (view)
 
What Underwear Drives Him Wild
Posted: 9/19/2013 2:13:02 PM
^^^^^^It sounds like you've got a toilet tissue shortage going on in Canada....best excuse I've heard in awhile for foreign aid. Give me an address, and I'll send her a roll or two. LOL
 secondhand_lion
Joined: 11/10/2008
Msg: 12 (view)
 
Getting Circumcised
Posted: 9/19/2013 1:46:02 PM
^^^^I'm more concerned about his next girlfriend, and her preference for a natural male. No doubt, his next thread will be "Hey forumites, my current girlfriend likes a natural penis, she would like to attach some sucker fish lips using her Singer zig zag sewing machine....what do you think?"
 secondhand_lion
Joined: 11/10/2008
Msg: 69 (view)
 
What Underwear Drives Him Wild
Posted: 9/19/2013 1:17:16 PM
I love the tease of good old white cotton granny panties. Thongs make no sense to me...about the same as putting a ribbon or bow on a gift package without the wrapping paper.
 secondhand_lion
Joined: 11/10/2008
Msg: 10 (view)
 
Getting Circumcised
Posted: 9/19/2013 12:30:37 PM
OP, who TF are you dating...Lizzy Bordens granddaughter?....apparently she didn't think much of your hair either.
 secondhand_lion
Joined: 11/10/2008
Msg: 9 (view)
 
Getting Circumcised
Posted: 9/19/2013 12:21:10 PM
^^^^^Everyone looks at????.......wearing some pants in public should cure that problem. LOL
 secondhand_lion
Joined: 11/10/2008
Msg: 189 (view)
 
Do you care about a womans number ?
Posted: 9/13/2013 11:58:02 AM
^^^^You're absolutely right...it's my location, I live in the notorious bible belt. LOL
 secondhand_lion
Joined: 11/10/2008
Msg: 187 (view)
 
Do you care about a womans number ?
Posted: 9/12/2013 8:03:28 PM
The numbers never bothered me, it's what happens after the numbers parallel the federal deficit that gets on my nerves. They head straight for Jesus with their testimony and start thumping that bible......just what a man want's, a born again Christian crack whore.LOL
 
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