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 Author Thread: Friends and family say on your love life?
 isthatlegal
Joined: 11/12/2008
Msg: 4 (view)
 
Friends and family say on your love life?
Posted: 9/24/2009 6:35:20 AM
No matter what our personality is sometimes we are attracted to a person that is completely opposite of us. If your friend has always been conservative and now wants to 'live a little' so to speak, then let her. if they are horrible wrong for each other then the relationship won't last very long.

main thin is family and friends always have influence in our lives and the above poster is right that they can break up a lot of marriages. we should try to see from their point of view the red flags they mention but in the end the decision of who we see is upto us.



"Somehow, he makes her happy but in the long run, despite their differences will it be enough to sustain a real lasting relationship?"

fun is great for the short term but in the long run there has to be at least some compatibility. It might not last but might be good for her to try something new as well.

main thing, it's her decision, let her make it ;-)
 isthatlegal
Joined: 11/12/2008
Msg: 14 (view)
 
Is a phone call that difficult?
Posted: 9/23/2009 8:28:30 PM


Am I thinking to much about this? What is the message he is sending me? I think I am getting the brush off.. What do you think?


yes OP , you really are thinking wayyy too much about this. also, it's most likely you are suffocating him. you have been going out for 3 weeks and you expect him to call you every day? especially while he is on business?

it really does give me the creepy feeling if someone is wanting contact like that EVERY day. you've only known each other for 3 weeks.

also, he directly told you he was gone for 10 days and he would talk to you after he got back about he next step. seriously if you want to continue to see him i'd highly recommend giving him some space. you are actually coming across as being very need/clingy. That is one though that will def drive him away if you don't get control over it.

perhaps give him a few days to concentrate on business. when he comes back you can let him talk to you about it.
 isthatlegal
Joined: 11/12/2008
Msg: 4 (view)
 
tell me if you'd be attracted or turned away
Posted: 9/23/2009 8:22:41 PM
hiya op,

photos 4 and 6 should be removed unless you want a lot of guys messaging you for naughty stuff lol. plus they add nothing to your profile.

rest are fine

i'm not a huge fan of "I would love to go back to school, or if the right man wanted me to I would stay home and take care of the home,children and Him." this line. that is more of a conversation for when you are well in your relationship. not sure if it's a positive thing to put in your profile or a negative thing.

"I'm looking to meet new people (men)lol " you can remove as well since it's fairly obviuos you are looking for a man (and not men lol)

overall the rest of your profile is pretty good. good luck with your hunt and wish you the best
 isthatlegal
Joined: 11/12/2008
Msg: 2 (view)
 
A little help please?
Posted: 9/23/2009 8:17:14 PM
hiya,

good profile overall but i'd def remove the "Oh by the way I can say my massages are damn good you might be lucky enough to get one. :)" line.

unless you are looking for a intimate encounter then leave it in. but if you are looking for long term dating i'd take it out as it's gonna make you look creepy.

for your photos, main one is fine, but i'd add a full body shot and another random good pic

ovrrall not bad
 isthatlegal
Joined: 11/12/2008
Msg: 5 (view)
 
throwin it to the wolves so dont hold back
Posted: 9/23/2009 8:11:58 PM
as the other person said, lose the truck pic. it's a turnoff for many women. also, women want to date you, not the truck lol.


lose the bold part please as it really looks negative for your. also the part about the hangover is good to lose as it doesn't make someone look like a party person as much as a drunk.

lose pic 5 as well. one welding pic is enough and you 've listed as your job already

"Sometimes too honest but you can always count on the truth from me even if it hurts." cut out this line as it normally means the person is very brutal and no one wants to date someone that says things even when they know it hurts someone. honesty = good...brutal honesty that hurts feelings =bad.

please remove "Now that thats out lol I really dont have any expectations from this site besides to meet some new people and see what happens." as it shows a negative outlook to someone before they have even met you. everyone likes to be surround by positive people and most people do like others to think positive thoughts as well.

negative things in a profile only go against someone as it makes them look too much of a arrogant person. always talk about things you like and keep your profile fun and interesting. let people meet you and then decide for themselves what is negative about you.

good luck and happy
 isthatlegal
Joined: 11/12/2008
Msg: 15 (view)
 
he deleted my messages
Posted: 9/23/2009 8:03:18 PM
OP, you've taken the initiative by asking for his number. by not calling you are simply saying you are not interested. he may have deleted the emails to keep his box clear as you have already met so they are now old messages.

main thing, the ball is in your court. it's your responsibility to call him. if you haven't called him by now it means you are not interested (even though you said you had a good first date).

no person, man or woman, is going to keep running after someone that has gone out with them and not bothered to call for a FEW DAYS lol. so like someone above said, you snooze you lose.

if you are still interested in him, I'd probably take the 5 mins it takes to call him and let him know. otherwise move on to your next date with someone.
 isthatlegal
Joined: 11/12/2008
Msg: 20 (view)
 
Have you ever risked it when the pic just didn't do it for you?
Posted: 9/23/2009 7:58:18 PM
TIA, i guess it for me the paper is more important then the picture since the ability to string a sentence together is more important then how hot someone looks.

too many people have horrible pics on POF and in general on dating sites so it's hard to say how they look. also some people use older photos and some times don't even look at all close to how their photo is. I consider photos to be the marketing equivalent of scratch and sniff perfume cards. they look cool and can smell nice but doesn't mean the actual perfume is that good.

i have met someone a while back from another site with horrible pics and have met others that had no pics and was very surprised how nice they were. (this was a while back).

it really depends on you if you don't find them that attractive in photos and you are a very visual person then no matter how good their personality is you aren't going to find them that good in RL. so you can only look at yourself since everyone's opinion on this matter will vary soo much
 isthatlegal
Joined: 11/12/2008
Msg: 17 (view)
 
guys and phone calls
Posted: 9/23/2009 7:49:55 PM
OP, nothing wrong with doing the meet and greet first. Not many people like to give out their phone numbers to strangers as they are never quite sure if that person is insane. this way if you meet them first you don't have to go about changing your phone number and then giving it out to all your friends and family again.

i also normally recommend that people setup a temporary email address and yahoo id for just dating. that way you don't have to get someone stalking you online either.

and please for the love of god don't add ppl to your facebook .

just grab the guys number instead if he is comfortable and call him after #67 or from a public phone.

just make it as comfortable for you as possible.
 isthatlegal
Joined: 11/12/2008
Msg: 10 (view)
 
My friend says my profile sounds gay?...does it?
Posted: 9/23/2009 7:46:52 PM
as to it sounding gay, if by that you mean is it super hard to read, gives the reader a headache and makes you sound not very interesting then definitely yes.

ok now that was brutal so i apologize. please go to the profile reviews section and get a workup on your profile.

off the top i'd suggest changing pics, getting rid of the entire first paragraph and the stuff about the wine bottle.

it's good to be funny, and you really are trying but it just comes across (as it's written) a bit negative.

please have it reviewed and i'm sure you will get some great suggestions. hope things work out for you.
 isthatlegal
Joined: 11/12/2008
Msg: 14 (view)
 
Is taking a break from dating a good idea when you are frustrated/fatigued?
Posted: 9/23/2009 7:41:12 PM
OP, it's ok to take a break when you need one. nothing wrong at all with it.

remember dating is supposed to be fun. if you've gone through a couple of bad encounters, then maybe it might be useful to take a break. Don't put so much pressure on yourself. take some time off and go do some things you really like to do. once your batteries are charged up again come back to the hunt.

i know many people that have done this and a lot of them found someone when they were taking their break. it might have been since they weren't so stressed and actually were a lot more fun loving and confident since they weren't trying to impress someone.
good luck and hope things work out for you.
 isthatlegal
Joined: 11/12/2008
Msg: 20 (view)
 
sex talk
Posted: 9/23/2009 7:38:31 PM
it really depends on the person OP. each will consider it different.

to me it's not big deal and not a one night stand. it's just someone talking about sex and it's part of normal relationships. so no big deal. a one night stand basically would have to be talked about it being a one night stand otherwise it's a relationship.

nothing wrong with harmless fun, actually it's good to know that someone is not afraid of sex talk sometimes. might put more guys at ease.

but then again to some people it might be a great sin lol you never truly know someone's reaction. It's a good way to get to know what people's tolerance is though
 isthatlegal
Joined: 11/12/2008
Msg: 8 (view)
 
Whats your most embarassing FL dinner?
Posted: 9/23/2009 7:31:42 PM
omg, not even a smile? nancy wow, i'd have been joking about it for months with you. lol some peole just don't enjoy themselves, which is so sad.

i've done the entire not looking at the washroom signs and waled into a womans bathroom before. it was really funny as i walked in and there are 3 girls standing at the sink. i guess the moment of shock at first was funny. then the facepalm i did kinda broke everyone up into laughter. sufficient to say as they came back out of the bathroom we all were laughing at each other.
 isthatlegal
Joined: 11/12/2008
Msg: 8 (view)
 
fear of commitment
Posted: 9/23/2009 8:34:09 AM
I would recommend talking to a professional as it might be a psychological issue. if you do have a fear of something, the comments in this section are not going to be helpful enough for you to use them to self medicate yourself.

main thing, you've done the first step and that is to admit to yourself that there is an issue. this is usually the hardest step.

next you need to figure out what part of the commitment is making you afraid. meaning, is it the loss of freedom to do what you want? fear of monogamy? etc.

remember that there are all types of people in all types of relationships out there. If you feel that a regular committed relationship is not for you then why not find a guy that would like to be in a open relationship? the idea of a standard marriage is not appropriate for everyone. do what makes you happy.

why not share what you are feeling with the guy you are seeing? who knows, he might understand and take things a bit slower or you can both work out a plan that works out for you. if he cares enough then he will make the effort.
 isthatlegal
Joined: 11/12/2008
Msg: 2 (view)
 
Wording In My Sent Message Was Changed!
Posted: 9/23/2009 8:26:46 AM
actually it's very common for most dating sites to not allow their direct competitors websites to be messaged to contacts. most use software to change some common websites tot he spam thing. I don't like that it's done but it's just hem trying to protect their business.

there are ways around it but easier just to tell that person your msn id and have them contact you there so you can exchange pics
 isthatlegal
Joined: 11/12/2008
Msg: 16 (view)
 
Delay in replies
Posted: 9/23/2009 8:21:59 AM
actually Tina, it might be that he only had time to read the email (say at work) but not reply to it. that can happen often, also it could be that he was thinking about what he wanted to write before actually doing it.

please understand that if someone logs in and checks their email and forgets to log out it will show them as being online. i do this all the time since my computer is running 24/7 i rarely log out and it looks like i am online. it will show you online for 15-20 mins after as well i think.

also you are right that some men don't want to seem too eager as it can really make some women uncomfortable. we simply learn from our previous interactions with others on how we will do future interactions. you don't know if someone previously found them creepy for answering right away to emails or withing hours. main thing is to not worry about it. worry more about the content of the messages.

if the messages you are getting back are nice and you like them then it's not worth thinking about. wish you the best in your . take care
 isthatlegal
Joined: 11/12/2008
Msg: 3 (view)
 
How About My Photos?
Posted: 9/23/2009 8:12:26 AM
i really am not a fan of pic in your profile because it looks like you took them all yourself. it can give the pics a bit of a tilt. i'd suggest taking them in good light and getting a friend to take them. try to keep your facial shot to include your chest and face but taken from around the 1-2 meter mark. that way it's a closer shot but not showing every blemish on your face.

also add a full body shot taken from 5-10 meters away. smile and look natural in your photos as right now they seem like you are under a lot of pressure.

only have one closeup, one body shot and then you can add some general shots showing you having fun.

overall good profile, with decent pics it will be even better.
 isthatlegal
Joined: 11/12/2008
Msg: 12 (view)
 
What kind of clothes do men find attractive on women?
Posted: 9/23/2009 8:07:22 AM
clothing is not really as important as the confidence a women shows when she is wearing something. having said that there are a few things you can do to make sure your clothing is attractive.

* wear something that is comfortable yet doesn't look like it should only be worn around the house.
* wear comfortable shoes. they don't need to be heels but sometimes heels help level a women to the man she is with (height).
*I personally love women that dress up a bit. skirts and blouses make most women look incredibly hot. if the skirt is below the knees then it also makes her look classy and not like a street walker.
* try to avoid any clothes that are so tight they have pieces of fat overhanging your body. it's not nice to view.
* different colors look good depending on skin collor so check to see what goes well with your color.
*if you are going on a date try to dress a bit formal since formal clothes make you look classy, you will find that the behavior of the guys changes a lot when you are dressed up.
 isthatlegal
Joined: 11/12/2008
Msg: 9 (view)
 
Is this an 'acceptable' profile?
Posted: 9/23/2009 7:57:20 AM


In my description, am I acting a bit too cute perhaps?
.

that's a tough one to answer. It's really hard to find out what the person you are messaging is thinking. most guys on POF have said something tot he tune that the reply rate for messages is around 1/10. so if you are not getting ANY answers back then recheck, but if you are getting that one in 10 back then you are doing fine.

also, understand that pof has a ton of members that never log in, are only here as a confidence booster, in a relationship and lying, VERY picky lol.

but don't lose hope, there are also some awesome people on here as well. try not to put all your hope on POF alone. try to make sure you have multi-pronged strategy. use internet, social clubs, entertainment events to find someone. POF is a good place but very few people are going to find their partner here. i would highly recommend talking to girls at the club you go to since you will most likely have more compatible interests.

btw take out pic 3, 4, 6, 8. relooked at your profile and they are not really helping you. basically you need 3 pics. the main needs to show a facial which you have. then you need a full body shot (upto feel) and one other one that makes you look good but not**** or stuck up.

problem with showing some pics is that they can give the wrong impression. in your age group i'd probably go with photos that look good but a bit more dressier as well. remember that photos are basically like billboard advertisements, not everyone might like it but everyone will at least look lol
 isthatlegal
Joined: 11/12/2008
Msg: 17 (view)
 
Does this mean anything or was it just chat?
Posted: 9/23/2009 7:47:46 AM
awesome post. scary thing but i used to do the voice-overs in my head (used to play way too many video games and choose your own adventures).

what's really scary is that sometimes *whispers don't tell yourself* but when i see someone choosing the obvious wrong answer or making a huge mistake a yellow flashing "IDIOT" sign pops up over other people's head...i think it's just in my mind but it's funny as hell.

lol

anyway, back to why i posted again


I found him attractive but didn't feel he'd noticed me. I didn't make an effort to get to know him either as I'm not pushy like that.


I find this quote a bit weird. You are obviously looking to find someone as a partner so you should realize OP that you will need to make an effort to know others or THEY may feel you are not interested. If you find someone attractive i would highly recommend taking a moment to show them that you are interested. This not pushy if you do it right. I do realize that yes, jumping up into his lap, wrapping your arms around him and whispering "hey lover" might be a BIT pushy but i'm sure you can come up with a less pushy approach.

don't sit back and wait for people to pass by. a first impression is important. next time you find someone attractive, walk over, shake their hand and say " you're cute" and smile dang it. please make sure to pop a breath mint in advance and make sure your hands are dry.
 isthatlegal
Joined: 11/12/2008
Msg: 4 (view)
 
Whats your most embarassing FL dinner?
Posted: 9/22/2009 8:54:24 PM
A long while back lol...i had made a first date reservation for a blind date my friend set me up on at a nice restaurant. so i pickup the girl and she seems nice enough. we get to the restaurant and i igve the valet the keys to the car and her and i start heading up the step. as we near the top i say, brb i forgot the wallet in the car.

She says ok, i'll wait inside. i turn around and am starting to head back and hear this loud 'thump' and turn around and see her walking backwards in shock. she had not been paying attention and had walked face first into the glass door. ...there was a bit of a silence....no one wanted to say anything and she looked sooo embarresed.

i realized how embarresed she felt and walked back, grabbed her arm and said, "why don't we go and grab a burger instead" as i gently lead her back to the car.

we ended up having a burger on the waterfront instead...and a ice pack for her face lol...she still calls me up now and then and we laugh about it. i still can't forget the way she looked at me when we got back in the car at the restaurant and she had simply had said "thank you".
 isthatlegal
Joined: 11/12/2008
Msg: 4 (view)
 
Can I collect unemployment if I get fired due to do poor job performance?
Posted: 9/22/2009 8:45:12 PM
you can check with your local state department that deals with unemployment. their number should be in the phone book or in the internet listing for your state.

in canada i know you can't get unemployment if you are terminated. not sure about the states. EI up here is only give if you are laid off, not for termination.
 isthatlegal
Joined: 11/12/2008
Msg: 3 (view)
 
Downsizing and Dating?
Posted: 9/22/2009 8:42:02 PM
perhaps not dating material for those looking to marry a wallet but most likely people looking for a good person that has the same interests would probably still find that person a compatible life partner.

please don't put down women that have managed a home by posting silly topics like these. a women that stays home works a 24 hr job in most cases. she has many roles to fill and if it wasn't for her sacrifices then her partner would not have succeed as well. so the work they do has a lot of value. only an idiot would not consider her dating material.

hope that helps.
 isthatlegal
Joined: 11/12/2008
Msg: 9 (view)
 
Medeival Times Blue Knight
Posted: 9/22/2009 8:37:11 PM


I think it would be way too creepy sending calling his work..


lol i'm sure the knights must get other people leaving messages. i mean think of all those women with the knight in shining armor fantasies lol wonder if knights have groupies . hmmmmm

if you really want to meet him why not just go back and talk to him after the performance? that way you can see him up close..
 isthatlegal
Joined: 11/12/2008
Msg: 10 (view)
 
Does this mean anything or was it just chat?
Posted: 9/22/2009 8:34:35 PM
+1 with nerdstatus on this one

* He's not aware this type of chatter loosely translates to, “I'm not over her” to people who like to 'read into things'.


most people do talk about their ex's as to some it's explaining history and others don't realize that to mention it a couple of times is bad form.

may i ask if any time during the conversation you used this line at all " lets not talk about our ex's...lets talk about ourselves and have fun" followed up by a smile this line can be used well to talk about ANYTHING else but ex's. also very good to steering topics to other areas and let people know you are not comfortable talking about it.

by not saying anything at that time you merely encouraged him to talk about anything at all to fill in the time. did you at least TRY to appear uncomfortable when he talked about his ex? body language i mean.. did you use any expressions of pure disgust at all when he mentioned ex or her name?? it may have helped him get the clue you didn't want to talk about it.

in the future i totally agree that if someone brings up that horrible topic that you should make some sort of grunting noise every time he says ex or brings up her name. will help people understand that they need to talk about other things.
 isthatlegal
Joined: 11/12/2008
Msg: 15 (view)
 
Does he mean that we are serious?
Posted: 9/22/2009 8:25:23 PM

I met a guy on here a few months ago and we have been seeing each other for a while now.


i'm sorry but you answered your own question. you have been seeing someone for months and yet still need to figure out if he it is serious? i'm sorry but how much time do you need to figure out if something is serious? if a guy had asked this question in the forums right now the villagers would be out with pitchforks and torches. i'm surprised at how tame the reaction is right now lol

the usual suspects in the forums have been very quiet on this thread



anyways, if you need the answer, the best thing to do is to ask him. In this case you do already know the answer. If he's not been on POF he probably does consider it to be seriuos since he's not trying to pursue any other relationships. also, if it was not serious then i doubt it would have lasted a few MONTHS.

it's good to know you have found someone. wish you both the best.
 isthatlegal
Joined: 11/12/2008
Msg: 7 (view)
 
Is this an 'acceptable' profile?
Posted: 9/22/2009 7:55:53 PM
actlly preetysmart2, i think his comment was for something else. what you had said was a compliment (lol or i thought so at least).

btw OP...that's preety cool DJing techno. is there lots of clubs in miss for techno or is it all dt toronto?
 isthatlegal
Joined: 11/12/2008
Msg: 3 (view)
 
seeking true happiness?
Posted: 9/22/2009 6:00:02 PM
sometimes people look for answers that are interesting or amazing when in fact the answer can be simple. They might have gotten into a routine lifestyle and now are finding that they are missing the 'interesting' things or are not learning anything new.

ask them to try out a new social club or to take up a new hobby and see if it makes a difference.

many people get into this kind of thinking, especially if your friend happens to be in the age group of 30-39. it's completely normal. ask them to try out volunteering or take a course in school in the evenings for fun.
 isthatlegal
Joined: 11/12/2008
Msg: 7 (view)
 
Medeival Times Blue Knight
Posted: 9/22/2009 5:55:26 PM
easiest thing to do might be to contact medieval times and leave a message for him there.

also, if he is no longer the blue knight then the might not have the pic in the profile anymore.

also, he might have hidden his profile. so easier to contact his work and leave a general message.

try to stay away from scary messages like "i've been going through every profile in toronto trying to find you" lol
 isthatlegal
Joined: 11/12/2008
Msg: 3 (view)
 
Would a Singles Toastmasters Fly Here in Toronto/Mississauga?
Posted: 9/22/2009 5:52:19 PM
only two singles ones are in Calgary and Ottawa i think.

don't think a singles one would have as much membership as a regular one. subject matter might make it difficult to meet other people.


you might want to contact their main hq and see, perhaps it's not listed on internet but there might be one.
 isthatlegal
Joined: 11/12/2008
Msg: 8 (view)
 
Are looks connected to self-esteem?
Posted: 9/22/2009 5:43:44 PM
Actually OP i don't think you are way off. in General society's perception that good looking people have high self esteem can have an adverse affect on people that do have good looks. they are held to such a high standard (that they will do well in love, work, etc) that sometimes people can be very harsh upon themselves when they don't feel they meet that standard.

also, people that are considered to be good looking do bear the blunt of resentment from those that don't consider themselves to be good looking. Jealousy , etc makes it hard for them to have a lot of good relationships. also, people do use good looking people to further their own agenda sometimes (people like to have friends that are good looking cause they sometimes feel it makes them look good too).

having said that, i don't believe that this is the case EVERY time. although we are all told what roles we have in society and that people with good looks fit into a certain category , we have to remember that we are who we are due to the interactions we have had with others. if good looking people have friends that are supportive and nice then they will have good self esteem. if they had the bad luck to get friends that are horrible and looking to constantly pull them down, then no their self esteem will be bad.

every person is different. i don't think it's fair to say that most will be one way or another.
 isthatlegal
Joined: 11/12/2008
Msg: 8 (view)
 
Profile review pls??
Posted: 9/22/2009 5:17:48 PM
just a couple of things. please break up the second paragraph as it's veyr very difficult to read. by making it easier to read you will find that you will get more messages.

second, think about adding in a photo with a body shot. most people like to see a facial shot, a full body shot and one or two other pictures. yes, many people on this site are vain and care about looks (sadly).

overall you sound like a fun person so your rate of msg's should go up a bit if your profile is easier to read. remember small type+long paragraphs = people skipping parts of your profile.

good luck.
 isthatlegal
Joined: 11/12/2008
Msg: 8 (view)
 
What Should I do?
Posted: 9/22/2009 5:10:47 PM

Thanks guys I will may be just get a new cell number all together and that will solve the problem..


actually i'm more then sure your current cell phone has a utility to block calls from certain numbers. also, saying "I'm not interested in staying in contact' is also a viable option. since it's YOUR phone, YOU get to decide who calls you or contacts you.

a new phone number is not going to solve the problem since someone can get your new number from others you know. just deal with it by talking to the person and refuse to be the fallback or the doormat.
good luck.
 isthatlegal
Joined: 11/12/2008
Msg: 3 (view)
 
Is this an 'acceptable' profile?
Posted: 9/22/2009 4:52:34 PM
actually some people do look at your profile but they have an option not to let you see that they looked at your profile.

don't worry about it buddy, if someone is not interested, it's not worth worry about it. everyone has different taste and it's more important to worry about people that do reply.

also, every woman has different criteria for choosing who she answers. could be age, looks, religion, nationality, job, number of nose hair, length of index finger etc. you don't know what that person is choosing for their criteria.
 isthatlegal
Joined: 11/12/2008
Msg: 11 (view)
 
10 years older
Posted: 9/22/2009 4:48:52 PM
+1 with alwaysexpectmiracles

Why do you even care what he thinks? You think he's judgemental of your looks because you are judgemental of his.
Even if he thinks that you look terribly old, so what? I mean I seariously don't get it why is it important. Do you want him to regret that he doesn't have you? Are you afraid that he's glad he's not with you? None of it matters, really. It only adds the depth to your frown line if you keep worrying about it.


I really don't understand OP why are you so concerned. We are all going to age, some better then others. everyone is at first shocked by how people they knew 10-15 years ago look but did you add him cause you want to go out with him or becuase you want to stay in touch with an old friend. if you are trying to stay in touch with an old friend then don't worry about it at all.

many people add old friends then freak out when they see how others have aged and in our times that's totally normal. just get over it and continue with life lol. it's something that is all too common to think but not worth getting hung up over.

main rule of thumb is not to add anyone to your profile or friends unless they ARE friends and someone you care about.
 isthatlegal
Joined: 11/12/2008
Msg: 17 (view)
 
Is he just a horny guy looking for some fun?
Posted: 9/22/2009 4:41:29 PM
First of all, why are you replying back to sexually suggestive messages if that is not what you are looking for. second ..


Then the same night he started texting me and once again the conversation went to flirting but this time round I didn't know if he's joking or serious (actually the conversation was naughty talk) - this carried on until 3 am .


you dont seem to see anything wrong with a naughty talk type conversation until 3am? was it a one way conversation? was he talking to himself? i'm guessing you would have had to text SOMETHING back for the conversation to continue.

from everything you have written in this message OP it's hard to assume that the guy would not want to sleep with you.


He started asking questions so I said to him you ask to many questions and he said he found me weird . This pissed me off .

you got pissed off cause some man who was trying to get to know you said something after you told him he asked too many questions. OP, you do realize that to learn more about another person you HAVE to ask questions. lol telling someone you ask too many questions is like saying, "shut up, you're making my head hurt" . most guys would have stoped asking questions but i'm sure most would have actually said the 'you're weird' comment lol , i know i would have.

anyway, this question is easy. STOP carrying on sexually suggestive conversations and simply ask him what kind of a relationship he is looking for. or better yet, TELL him what you are looking for so you guys can decide if it's worth pursuing.

hate to break it to you but most men (and women) do look for a physical as well as a emotional relationship so eventually there would be sleeping involved. if you are exchanging suggestive messages and naughty talk, most people will assume they are a lot further then they are lol.

good luck and happy fishing.
 isthatlegal
Joined: 11/12/2008
Msg: 4 (view)
 
:) honest replies please!
Posted: 9/22/2009 3:44:37 PM
Hiya,

your profile is not bad. just a few changes and it can lead to more contacts i think.
I would remove pictures 2, 5, 7. they don't help the profile and actually take something away. I'm sure you can find other pictures that are more appropriate. stripes are something that is not everyone's taste and pic 7 is not a good side profile shot. you already have face shot, a full body shot and a neat pic so they are good enough.

i really like pic 3. you really should think about making it pic 1. one thing is that in all the pics you really look different so i'd suggest using a camera with a date feature and get your friend or someone to take the pics in a bright setting so they all match up. google up some good points on taking great pictures and I'm sure that will help the profile.

you writeup is very fun and interesting. you convey good wit and charm in a very short writeup. i would suggest adding a bit more as your humour is a great selling feature.
 isthatlegal
Joined: 11/12/2008
Msg: 8 (view)
 
no messages in weeks
Posted: 9/22/2009 3:36:00 PM
Hiya,

some good advice from the other posters already. I would highly recommend changing your marital status to whatever the status is now. There may be people that miss your profile otherwise that would have liked to contact you.

I would suggest a couple of changes.


Well im a full-time student and also work at a local hospital on an ante-natal clinic. My goal in life is to be qualified as a midwife in 4 yrs time (depending if i get into university, fingers crossed) and have my life settled with a nice man, my career and my boys.

please remove " (depending if i get into university, fingers crossed)" as it shows a very negative future view and a lack of confidence in yourself.



I know most men will be put off by the fact i have kids, but I DONT WANT a daddy for my kids. They have one of those already. i want some one for ME!!!!

not a huge fan of this line since if anyone doesn't like kids, they won't message you anyway and since you are here it's obvious you are looking for someone for you. i would suggest removing since it takes your profile into negative territory.



i want someone to spend quality time with when my kids are with their dad, which is most weekends or even when theyre in bed, so any night after 6.30.



Also, my mum and sister are around if I need them to babysit to go out anywhere, so i am available other times aswell!


I really do feel that these lines are really not needed for your profile since most people are not available every moment of every day and usually are only available on weekends and evenings. also, most people know that a parent has a busy life so will expect there to be times you are not available. putting it into your profile is taking space that is designed to talk about you and turning into a description of your entire life.




also, i may view a lot of profiles and be extremely interested, but rarely message first as I have low self esteem and believe that im wasting my time as you wouldn't be interested in me!


please i beg you, for the love of god, take out this line. No man who is looking for a long term relationship is going to message a girl with such low self esteem. the only person that would may be because they know that a girl with low self esteem is easier to sleep with. don't make yourself a target first of all. also, please don't apologize for your life, it's not anyone's place to judge you.

I would highly recommend using your profile to talk about the positive things you can offer in a relationship as that is what most people want to know about you. talking about negative things only takes the focus off you and makes you look unattractive (to anyone looking for a long term relationship).

just as if you went to a bar you wouldn't wear the clothes you wear normally around the house, the same way you profile is like a club, you dress to impress.

the times you are available can be discussed once you are sure you have a reasonable chance at a relationship.

i would suggest adding in some interesting things about you that would force someone to send you a email asking for more info or asking you questions that will lead to more contact. ex, what kind of bands you like, etc,

you can expand your profile a bit once you delete the negatives. add in some positives and you will have an excellent profile. good luck in your hunt. hopefully we'll see you as a success story soon
 isthatlegal
Joined: 11/12/2008
Msg: 12 (view)
 
asian dudes
Posted: 9/21/2009 5:39:02 AM
Wow Op,

Interesting topic for a thread. It's always amazing to watch people post topics that are so done to death on the internet that they could easily have searched for them within minutes. Anyway, will try to answer your question, but first a bit about your post.

First read the post by the persons above me and pay special attention to the one with the quote


Something else OP. What if it were reversed and you were stereotyped by your race or some other physical trait such as thinness then got singled at by the person you're dating pondering and questioning in a public forum whether you might have a tight twat? Pretty humiliating and offensive when you actually think about..hmmmmmmmmmmmmm.


Stereotypes are normally not based on actual research but usually on some common myth that people have taken to be the truth. I'm not sure why you really care that much about his size when you said he is absolutely cool anyways, back to your message.



I met a thai dude that is absolutly cool. He's super hot. He does kong fu, karate, thaikwondo, the whole chabang.

I'm glad to see he's really so hot and cool (and willing to be with someone that has atrocious spelling). It's amazing that you would be so concerned about his size after you make him out to be such a good sounding man. btw, did you realize that the act of 'making love' consists of more then just him pounding away at you? did you realize that there is such a thing as foreplay? also, are you seriously saying that to you it's more important to be worried about the 30 minutes you have sex then the other 23 1/2 hours in a day?

wow, glad to say that if he's willing to go out with you great, but most guys would pass you by. Just as women like to be knows for more then their breasts, guys also like to be appreciated for more then just their****.



so here I am after hours of surfing the web

wow, can't believe first of all that this is so important to you to search the web for that long. I'm sorry but where on the internet did you search? for hours on end? did you try Google? anyways, why are you searching about Asians in general when you are concerned about ONE person. Isn't it easier to just ask him? Or are you afraid he will take offense at just a silly question and then YOU might not look so cool to him all of a sudden.



Are asians smaller in general?

how many Asian men are you going to try out that you need to know this? i thought it was just that ONE. so why are you concerned about all Asian men? Also, ALL men will be of different sizes so even if someone is able to answer this question for you (lol as if) what relevance does that have on THAT one guy? how do you know he's not larger or smaller then what people say?

Personally I find that if you are worried about the size of this guy so much perhaps you should stick to dating guys with the 'big' size stereotypes. I'm sure since you are so stuck on stereotypes perhaps you can give up on that super cool guy and maybe start dating black men on this site. that way you can be sure that you most important factor in choosing a date is fulfilled. mind you , you may find that no matter what type of person you choose, after you've had sex a couple of times you MIGHT start to miss some of the super cool things that made that guy super cool.

when you are ready for a relationship instead of just sex, look that guy up again, but until then maybe just go have a relationship for sex. Personally if i was that guy and saw you posting this question on here i'd drop you like a hot potato.
 isthatlegal
Joined: 11/12/2008
Msg: 7 (view)
 
Best dating site advice article!
Posted: 9/20/2009 2:23:14 PM

zombie shuffling down the street moaning, "GRAINS!"
.


OMG that is awsome! i think maybe i'll have to steal this idea for this years zombie walk
 isthatlegal
Joined: 11/12/2008
Msg: 28 (view)
 
How Do You Know Your Man Is Cheating???
Posted: 9/17/2009 2:46:54 PM


You need to wake up and take a look at yourself. You are getting tons of helpful feedback and you aren't getting it.


OP, i'd listen to adventurousme57. there have been a lot of interesting messages on the first page of this thread but you haven't replied to most of them. then ones you are replying to is more about pity then actually demonstrating that you are listening to what people are saying.

normally a person that is hurt by a certain event (ex cheating) will be on the lookout for that everywhere so it doesn't happen again. unfortunately humans have the capacity to force certain conditions that lead to that event occurring again.

You said that guys dont answer some phone calls where you are doing something. could it be that the person calling is annyoing? or the guys doesn't want to be disturbed while he is with you? or maybe it's from a female FRIEND and he doesn't want to give you the wrong impression (many guys have friends that are of the opposite sex and it's not something every guy brings up because there are too many women (and men) that are not trusting enough to be able to handle it.).

also, if someone is chatting on the internet with you then they are probably chatting with others. UNTIL your relationship is settled and you are committed to each other (as in you've had the TALK with him about it) they are going to chat with others as they may not be sure if it's going to work out, or they could even be chatting with an old friend and don't' want to give you the wrong impression.

it can also be that he's talking to a guy friend and he doesn't want you to see what they are talking about...could be a person problem someone has.

main thing is you need to relax or you will drive yourself crazy. when going out with someone, maybe communicate that you have had certain bad relationships before and what your expectations are.

asking someone to give up the internet completely and not talk to anyone else is not going to happen. people text, chat and phone each other regularly. it's normal human behavior. if you can't handle that he has female friends you might never be in a healthy relationship. also, if you look hard enough for something, you will find it.....or your mind will fabricate it with some very poor judgment. a witch-hunt will always find a witch, or create one.
 isthatlegal
Joined: 11/12/2008
Msg: 10 (view)
 
Pick a topic... ummm... internet addiction support groups??
Posted: 9/17/2009 2:14:14 PM
"drug of choice"....um used to be online gaming...took up a new hobby to break the addiction....unfortunately got addicted to it. you just can't win lol

but i did break my internet addiction so it's all good. at least in my other hobby i get to meet people face to face and enjoy new activities
 isthatlegal
Joined: 11/12/2008
Msg: 8 (view)
 
Newbie here please review profile
Posted: 9/17/2009 1:34:35 PM
actually i thought the boob shot was a good tough. conveys that she is looking for a sexual relationship and is laying her assets out in the open. nothing to hid so to say lol.

this way she is covered and it doesn't look super vulgar but still gets the point across.

main thing, you don't need to show a LOT of skin to get the point across. might help cut down some of the silly messages as well.
 isthatlegal
Joined: 11/12/2008
Msg: 134 (view)
 
Married Men -To date or not to date?
Posted: 9/17/2009 1:30:55 PM
thank you cmoonl7 for this quote


My personal view is that if the married person is honest about it - why get upset? Don't contact them, don't take their messages. Simple. Another thing you all seem to miss is the fact that a married person CAN have a nonsexual relationship with someone of the opposite sex, without jeapordizing the marriage. That's a fact, I've been there more than once. I wish people would be a little less judgemental. Check out my profile - I'm as honest as you'll get.


it comes down to letting the other person know. i really don't know why married men lie about being married. it's not good to mislead someone like that. i have never said that i was single yet will get messages from women that say they are single (when in fact you know they are married). i think more of the women on this site that are married state they are single then men that are married and saying they are single. either way both should change their status to be married.

main thing is why get upset about people when they are doing what they like. no one wants to be cheated upon, but at the same time, no one WANTS to cheat. it comes down to coping mechanisms. sometimes people just need someone to talk to and the emotional relationship.

i would be more upset with someone that knowingly started a relationship with a drug dealer and put their kids in jeopardy then someone who is having a affair. lots more worries in this world then adultery. always interesting how many people will engage in the other sins like yet single out lust. (Lust", "Gluttony", "Greed", "Sloth", "Wrath", "Envy", and "Pride"). personally i'd rather be guilty of one sin the 6 others lol.

but then again that is me. once again, marital status is important but how someone treats you is important as well.
 isthatlegal
Joined: 11/12/2008
Msg: 133 (view)
 
Married Men -To date or not to date?
Posted: 9/17/2009 1:12:58 PM
Aroxonder, welcome to the reality that is more and more common nowadays. many men and women feel the same way as you now.


the great irony of the situation is that my unmet needs are emotional, not sexual,


that is actually what drives most married men (and most women) to sites like this. People see a married man or women and automatically assume it's about sex. sex is usually not the factor driving people away. most couples will have sex a lot longer then an emotional relationship


I don't feel loved or respected, and it seems we cannot have the simplest conversation without it deteriorating into a fight.

by the time someone thinks about cheating most marriages have reached this point. people get tired of the fights, and what the effects it has on the children.


Perhaps I'll find someone who'll listen to me and be a friend and give me emotional support,
for a lot of men and women, long before they cheat with someone from work or someone they know, they start to find themselves talking more with a person that is not their spouse who gives them the emotional support. eventually people then start a physical relationship. many people are of the thought that this emotional cheating is what leads to people cheating. single people are usually fast in saying that cheaters of any type are bad. they so conveniently forget the emotional cheating they do while they are in dating relationships and marriages.

emotional cheating is when you start to hide things from your spouse or SO. it could be if you had an email from an old school crush, or if you flirted with a cashier at the local supermarket. everyone cheats eventually, just degrees are different. Anyone that says no one should cheat probably forgot about all the times they hid messages from ex's or the times they flirted with strangers. Many people do end up with a emotionally responsive partner and are lucky. unfortunately that's not everyone that is lucky like that.


I don't want to lose my kids

single biggest reason why people put up with horrible marriages. the thought of losing their kids is so harsh they can't leave a bad marriage. unfortunately the courts have a bias vs men when it comes to kids and divorce. it's possible to win as a man but it is very harsh on the kids to be involved in that.


t is a very difficult thing to break from this marriage when you have so many ties involved. Children, grand-children, in-laws, friends etc.

a divorce affects so many people. not just the two involved. also, in many societies a divorce is consider to be worst then actually cheating.

It's really not important what anyone thinks of whether you date a married man or woman, what matters is what you think. people don't know your situation, they don't know what is happening to drive you to that point. Point is you need to do what you are comfortable with.

btw, married people might cheat once in a while, but usually they are much more reliable in a relationship. Most SINGLE people cheat often on their SO since they don't consider themselves to be married and will drop people at the drop of a hat. also, there are just as many men cheating as women. if women were happy about their relationships they would not be cheating.

as for me, don't care to be judged lol, don't judge others and it's not my place. do what is important to you in your life. life your life best you can.
 isthatlegal
Joined: 11/12/2008
Msg: 220 (view)
 
why the prettier the woman, the worse she is in bed or giving head?
Posted: 9/17/2009 11:58:38 AM
actually i totally disagree with this. It's about how you treat a woman and if she likes you she will do the most amazing things to make you happy. being pretty or not has nothing to do with how good someone is in bed. it comes down to self confidence, the ability to laugh, and how comfortable you feel with each other.

if you are having sex and you haven't made her smile or laugh then you seriously need to work on how you are doing it.

btw, the women you are trying to get good head from, have you two talked about what makes you feel good and also what she likes? you'd be surprised what a little communication can do for your sex life.

and not all pretty girls have a need to have guys chasing after them all day long. many don't play games with men and are nice and loving. you may just have met the wrong pretty girls (OMG *gasp* a pretty girl that is not right for you, what are the chances?).

generalizations like this really don't help anything and the topic is silly. perhaps try to treat all the women you go out with a bit more respect then to post them in here in the forums for bad sex.

seems more like, you just want to lie on your back and have the girl do everything for you. any woman with any self confidence will probably want you too to do some work.
 isthatlegal
Joined: 11/12/2008
Msg: 4 (view)
 
review my proifile PLEASE
Posted: 9/17/2009 10:16:35 AM
hey bud,

you have a lot of potential to talk in your profile about what you like since you have so many interests but the profile really needs to be longer.

second, I'd remove any interests that you only do very few times. keep only the ones that you do a lot so people have a feeling for what really interests you. right now the list is too long.

next i'd remove pic 3. it's a good pic if you are looking to hook up with someone for short term but if you are looking for a long term relationship i'd let it be based on your interests and attitude then a shirtless body lol

3 pics normally needed on a profile are a close up, a full body shot and a shot of you doing what you like best.

next, i'd highly recommend talking about what kind of music do you play, where you play, etc. it seems to be one of your biggest interests so would be good to talk about it.


i realize you like martial arts and have listed them in interests but maybe you could expand a bit more about what kinds you practice and etc.

also what physical activities do you like to do, and where do you go to do them. you have listed events in interests but in your own words maybe you could describe some more things about them.

overall you have a lot of stuff you can talk about. if you make your profile longer you would get more replies i'm sure. def change up the pictures and you will get a lot more interest.

good luck and happy
 isthatlegal
Joined: 11/12/2008
Msg: 3 (view)
 
What do I do now?
Posted: 9/17/2009 10:02:39 AM


I was very hurt


this is the key Snoopy (love the nick). you really don't need to be hurt again. just ask plainly if he is ready to date and if he is great, if not then you really need to move on and block his phone. it's not healthy for you to do this to yourself and you really don't want to be strung along until he can decide.

hope things work out, best of luck :-)
 isthatlegal
Joined: 11/12/2008
Msg: 2 (view)
 
Best dating site advice article!
Posted: 9/17/2009 9:59:45 AM
that is awesome lol I wonder if that would actually work. will have to try it next time.

love the vegetarian zombie part lol
 isthatlegal
Joined: 11/12/2008
Msg: 10 (view)
 
Is it a total re-write?
Posted: 9/17/2009 9:53:37 AM
wow denver, lots of good advice for this review.

have to say you nailed most of the things in the profile fast.

OP just a couple of things, "Do you want children? Undecided/Open...... i would change that unless you are certain you still want children.

second please add in a couple of blank lines to space out the profile. it becomes harder to read since the font is small and there is no break between topics. so add a few extra blank lines in there to make it easier to read and you should be good.

overall with the changes you have made in the last few days, your profile is looking much better. best of luck with the
 isthatlegal
Joined: 11/12/2008
Msg: 3 (view)
 
Is it a total re-write?
Posted: 9/16/2009 6:28:32 PM
i'm with irish eyez on this one. that line about apologize just seems to make it look like you have low self esteem.


i like the rest of the profile so not bad.

it's good to se eyou open and honest ....
 
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