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 Author Thread: How many times can one fall deep in love and experience true love?
 Mel1509
Joined: 11/15/2008
Msg: 6 (view)
 
How many times can one fall deep in love and experience true love?
Posted: 3/26/2013 10:25:16 AM
I've been in love twice. The first was my first love and loved me back. The second didn't love me back, but seems to have affected me more than the first. Maybe because I was older and he had kids I got close to. I do know that I haven't felt that way in the nearly six years since the second guy, despite an 18 month relationship with a great guy and 4 months with another great, good looking guy. I do worry that I may never feel that way again and/or no-one will about me, but I won't give up hope. I agree with the posters who have said there are limitless times one can fall in love...well I hope anyway.
 Mel1509
Joined: 11/15/2008
Msg: 8 (view)
 
Guess this is the thread!
Posted: 3/26/2013 4:54:53 AM
Thanks, was wondering if the new line I'd added about wanting to meet "the one" etc was too much, will delete!!
 Mel1509
Joined: 11/15/2008
Msg: 5 (view)
 
Guess this is the thread!
Posted: 3/21/2013 5:23:55 PM
Agree, but is it really so bad to want a tall guy as a tall woman?
 Mel1509
Joined: 11/15/2008
Msg: 1 (view)
 
Guess this is the thread!
Posted: 3/21/2013 4:58:11 PM
I may be opening myself to criticism here, as I have when posting messages on the POF forums before, but as I've had wake up call over the last few months and need to get serious about finding someone, I could really do with some profile feedback, but please nothing nasty, don't think I could really take it right now!

Thanks :)
 Mel1509
Joined: 11/15/2008
Msg: 46 (view)
 
40+ Never Married And No Kids--What's Wrong With That?
Posted: 2/2/2013 4:31:06 AM
There's no rule at all saying we were all meant to connect, have kids etc, but the societal pressures can be significant and you get tired of work colleagues, family members etc badgering you and run out of answers. I'm frightened that I'll still be single and childless at 4o and am currently weighing up my options if that happens. I guess I care too much what other people think.
 Mel1509
Joined: 11/15/2008
Msg: 318 (view)
 
Can a man be too tall to date?
Posted: 12/14/2012 1:51:14 PM
Nope! Speaking for myself as a tall girl, there is no such thing as too tall!!
 Mel1509
Joined: 11/15/2008
Msg: 19 (view)
 
Singletutionalized
Posted: 8/8/2012 6:00:34 AM
Great word and think it's a valid point. I'm afraid that's how I've become and wonder sometimes if I genuinely prefer being single. I like to think that with the right person though that things would work out.
 Mel1509
Joined: 11/15/2008
Msg: 43 (view)
 
Too full on?
Posted: 8/8/2012 5:05:02 AM
Ps, the text he sent actually said "you're SERIOUSLY going to get it on Friday"!! I told him on Friday that it had scared me and was a bit much and not sure if he took it on board, but not had any other texts since with that connotation.
 Mel1509
Joined: 11/15/2008
Msg: 42 (view)
 
Too full on?
Posted: 8/8/2012 5:02:44 AM
Funny the mix of opinion on here of the guy. Some blaming me for going home with him that night (admit, I shouldn't have, I'm a big girl, not playing the victim at all, take full responsibility for that etc) and some saying he sounds creepy...

I went to his on Friday and had a nice meal and couple of drinks. I got the last bus home as I said I would. He is still texting me, not all the time, and today said "hello beautiful, hope you're having a good day". Suppose that's nice, but doesn't ring true to me somehow. Maybe it's a self esteem thing on my part or maybe I'm right to have in the back of my mind that he's only after one thing.

I understand where the guys are coming though from saying women give mixed messages and I know I did on the first date.
 Mel1509
Joined: 11/15/2008
Msg: 35 (view)
 
Too full on?
Posted: 8/7/2012 5:00:21 AM
Uhhh...am I the only person that thinks the OP had sex with him? Isn't that what you mean't by "walk of shame"?

So he's texting too much?? He can only do that is your texting him back....as long as you keep replying to his text....then you are encouraging him to text you.

No I didn't have sex with him. Bit of kissing and cuddling, that's all.
 Mel1509
Joined: 11/15/2008
Msg: 28 (view)
 
Too full on?
Posted: 8/3/2012 3:03:18 AM
He's actually chilled out a bit more with it the last couple of days. May have realised. I've also made it 100% clear that he will not be getting anything tonight and he seems okay with it!
 Mel1509
Joined: 11/15/2008
Msg: 13 (view)
 
Too full on?
Posted: 8/1/2012 1:53:51 PM
I agre with the statement above 100 percent.


Hello. Hello. I somehow feel like the OP is playing poor me, poor little victim, I should have known better.

Live up to your actions. YOu craved the guy, own up to it!! Nobody forced you to do anything. Next time, meet at a public place, get to know each other, and when you are ready to f vck his brains out, do it because you want it, rather than this poor little victim that was seduced. Bull!

No not at all. I take full responsibility for my own actions and mistakes. No need to be nasty.
 Mel1509
Joined: 11/15/2008
Msg: 10 (view)
 
Too full on?
Posted: 8/1/2012 12:29:59 PM
yet on your first date you drank 2 bottles of wine and slept at his place.
And consider him "needy"?

My thoughts are you send mixed messages.

I know. You're right. That's why I should NOT have done that and really don't know why I did. I drank too much as I was nervous and was adamant that I wasn't going to go back to his when he asked, "we like the same music, listen to some tunes" etc. I'm not too naive to not know how persuasive men can be to get you into bed.

I do regret not saying goodnight and coming back to mine on the date. I know it was stupid and I know, and suspect, that is why he's so enthusiatic now. Prob thinks I'm easy, but believe me, I'm generally nothing of the sort, quite the opposite in fact. So yes, mixed message definately my doing. But I have told him this and that there will be none of that business until we get to know each other. So I guess there's no harm in a second date as long as he's aware.
 Mel1509
Joined: 11/15/2008
Msg: 1 (view)
 
Too full on?
Posted: 8/1/2012 11:35:21 AM
So I had a date last week. Nice, cute guy. We had a good time and got on well, quite a bit in common. I liked him and thought to myself yeah would like to see him again. I made the mistake of going back to his (didn't sleep together, just kissing, but I did stay over) after two bottles of wine and then did the walk of shame back to my place.

He text me later that day to say he'd had a good time and hoped we could do it again and I text back to say me too, we should etc and arranged to see each other again this Friday. So since then he's been texting me, not non-stop, but everyday and saying how he can't wait until Friday to see me, keeps thinking about me, keeps saying how great I smelled, that it turns him on, that "I'm going to get it on Friday" (even though I've made clear this won't be happening!) etc.

I liked the guy, but the full-on (to me) texts and calling me "babe" are starting to grate and are putting me off. Is this me or does it sound like he's being TOO much after only one date? I admit I can be too cool sometimes and do need my own space, so I don't know if it's me being an ice queen or not??

There was another guy on here that I was chatting too who was the same. We hadn't even met up and he was texting me all day, from first thing in the morning, driving me mad. We never did meet up in the end, it put me off.

To me it's acting desperately. But this guy is tall, dark, good looking, intelligent. I know we're all on here, so we mustn't have much luck meeting people in bars, clubs, work etc, but I can't understand why a guy like that would seem so needy. Can't imagine him having trouble with the ladies...

My thoughts are he's just after sex or on the rebound.

Thoughts welcome!
 Mel1509
Joined: 11/15/2008
Msg: 80 (view)
 
men who can fix anything(your thoughts)
Posted: 7/14/2012 5:52:17 PM
Does it for me :)
 Mel1509
Joined: 11/15/2008
Msg: 7 (view)
 
Would you get married and have kids in your 40's?
Posted: 6/26/2012 4:37:56 AM
Myself and a friend are 35 this year and still hoping for the happy ending. There are women out there who want this, probably more than men, so would have thought you'd have had an easier time of it than we do.
 Mel1509
Joined: 11/15/2008
Msg: 20 (view)
 
is what you seek not always in your own backyard???
Posted: 6/23/2012 4:24:58 AM
Personally, I really want to relocate, so am actively seeking someone not from my town! Not found them yet though and whether it would work is another thing.
 Mel1509
Joined: 11/15/2008
Msg: 20 (view)
 
Let them Go (this helped me tons!)
Posted: 12/12/2011 11:02:14 AM
Thank you so much for this. Needed it today.
 mel1509
Joined: 11/15/2008
Msg: 272 (view)
 
Can a man be too tall to date?
Posted: 3/19/2010 5:31:36 AM
Speaking as a 6'6" guy, yes I'm completely undateable to women under 5'7" which excludes about 95% of the female population. Now, factor my personality in and the odds of me getting successfully matched are astronomical.

No wonder Eharmony rejected me.

Ha ha they rejected me too...
 mel1509
Joined: 11/15/2008
Msg: 271 (view)
 
Can a man be too tall to date?
Posted: 3/19/2010 5:26:44 AM
Never, not enough to go around in my opinion
 mel1509
Joined: 11/15/2008
Msg: 305 (view)
 
People over 30 that are not taken - something wrong with them?
Posted: 3/12/2010 4:59:12 AM
Ok, now I'm just depressed that bums and murderers can find a wife and I can't...

The fattest man in the world also got married not long ago...Ithought the same thing
 mel1509
Joined: 11/15/2008
Msg: 317 (view)
 
short women/tall men
Posted: 3/6/2010 6:22:10 AM
however, northern england is a sea of short people. maybe a trip to the netherlands or germany would be in order.

Ha ha your not wrong there!
 mel1509
Joined: 11/15/2008
Msg: 314 (view)
 
short women/tall men
Posted: 3/5/2010 4:43:21 AM
Why would short women need a tall man to feel more feminine? As a tall woman I know being tall makes me feel less feminine, and I feel I need a tall man to make me feel more so...

why also would it matter to his masculinity if a six five man was with a woman of five two or five nine, they would still both be a fair bit shorter than him?
 mel1509
Joined: 11/15/2008
Msg: 278 (view)
 
short women/tall men
Posted: 2/27/2010 12:30:49 PM
Probably. I do feel for the short guys too, just wouldn't date one, but I havea good reason!
 mel1509
Joined: 11/15/2008
Msg: 1 (view)
 
Relationship karma?
Posted: 2/27/2010 12:12:04 PM
As I continue to question why I cannot seem to find Mr Right, I often ponder various potential reasons. Something which came to me the other day was the idea of karma. We have all made mistakes in the past I know, and I lost the love of my life mainly through taking him for granted and (unintentionally) hurting him in various ways, although I have never cheated on anyone. Thinking of my other relationships since, I can see that it was mainly my own doing that they didn't work out, dating one guy whose mum was terminally ill, then subsequently died, and another separated guy who was still coming to terms with the breakdown of his marriage, and making yet more mistakes in probably asking for more from them than they could give me given their circumstances. I have said and done such stupid things, things I didn't mean and wish I could take back, as I know we all have, but I have learned so many lessons and things that, if I am ever lucky enough to find that Mr Right, I hope never to repeat.

What I'm saying is that maybe I have deserved to be single for the past nearly three years, and maybe the women that have kept their men and are happy haven't made the terrible mistakes I have, and that thinking this way brings me a little peace, as I have a tendency to constantly feel anger and sadness at the fact that everyone around me seems to be married or have a partner, and have a neverending loop in my head asking "why, why, why, I'm attractive, funny, smart, a nice person etc but still alone", bemoaning the unfairness of it all, when it could all be as simple as the fact that I have created this reality for myself with my own stupidity and lack of experience.

I never used to have trouble meeting someone new, but now it seems harder, possibly as I am older and my dating pool has shrunken. But lately have thought well maybe I have had such trouble in order to teach me the error of my ways ,so that when the right person comes along I don't act in a way to make history repeat itself and that I appreciate and cherish them, as I never thought I would find love again.

Any thoughts?
 mel1509
Joined: 11/15/2008
Msg: 276 (view)
 
short women/tall men
Posted: 2/27/2010 10:52:35 AM
I'm sure most other tall ladies would agree with me when I say this senario is JUST NOT FAIR!!!!
 mel1509
Joined: 11/15/2008
Msg: 268 (view)
 
short women/tall men
Posted: 2/25/2010 4:55:53 AM
I personally feel it is unfair for a woman to expect to date a guy that is over 6'2 or 6'4 when she herself is only 5'2 or less. I think you need to date more-less in your own league, no matter how low it is (no pun intended, ok maybe alittle lol ),and I find when a lady who is under 5'4 messages me or anyone my height, it's like a 450 pound man or woman attempting to get a date with an athletic supermodel hottie. If you yourself don't have it to give, you shouldn't ask for it.

Well said
 mel1509
Joined: 11/15/2008
Msg: 265 (view)
 
short women/tall men
Posted: 2/23/2010 4:25:20 AM
..i've observed that alot of tall men tend to be drawn to short and petite women (i think it could be a fetish for some and insecurity issue for others). Personally, I like to "look" like a couplekl--this has always been important for me. Im 6.5 so, dating a petite gal makes us look somewhat disproportionate. I therefore tend to be drawn toward women whom are at least 5.6 on up....
Finally!!
 mel1509
Joined: 11/15/2008
Msg: 31 (view)
 
Any other ladies over 30 never been married or engaged
Posted: 1/13/2010 4:45:19 AM
On what people think, I think it matters where you live.

When I lived in Downtown Toronto and New York, it was accepted because there is a big chunk of people who are in the mid to late 30's and worry about their careers, not a ring on their finger. It's almost the culture there.

When I lived in San Diego, there were alot of singles never marries there as well as alot of divorcees with no kids. It was not a big deal to never have been married with no kids.

Now I live in Kansas City....It's like "what the heck is wrong with you? You're so old to never have been married!".

The culture here is marriage by 24, kids by 25.

Yeah I live in a small town and a lot defo have that small town, small mind mentality
 mel1509
Joined: 11/15/2008
Msg: 29 (view)
 
Any other ladies over 30 never been married or engaged
Posted: 1/11/2010 4:56:10 AM
I must say I am heartened by the amount of smart, attractive people in the same situ as myself. Even tho I have a couple of single girlfriends sometimes you do feel it, myself mostly at work.
 Mel1509
Joined: 11/15/2008
Msg: 26 (view)
 
Any other ladies over 30 never been married or engaged
Posted: 1/9/2010 10:16:58 AM
Me!

why is it necessary mean something is wrong with me? I just have never met the right person that's all.

It doesn't mean that at all. It's just other peoples perceptions...something I am caring less and less about as I get older fortunately!
 Mel1509
Joined: 11/15/2008
Msg: 25 (view)
 
Any other ladies over 30 never been married or engaged
Posted: 1/8/2010 12:18:14 PM
That explains the quote
 Mel1509
Joined: 11/15/2008
Msg: 35 (view)
 
Album of the decade
Posted: 1/8/2010 11:57:07 AM
The Killers 'Sams Town'.
 Mel1509
Joined: 11/15/2008
Msg: 9 (view)
 
American Psycho?
Posted: 1/8/2010 11:56:19 AM
It scared the **** out of me and gave me nightmares for weeks. The way he's planning that execution beind "Paul Allen"s back, putting on that plastic coat and putting paper on the floor, then the axe through the head...aggggggggghhhhhhhhh.
The book is very graphically violent.

On the plus side Christian Bale is HOT in that movie
 Mel1509
Joined: 11/15/2008
Msg: 19 (view)
 
In your early 30's do you find yourself being picky about looks?
Posted: 1/8/2010 11:49:22 AM
Just the opposite for me. I think when your younger, yes, looks matter so much more, but as I've matured I look more for character, kindness, compatibility, and most importantly, a sense of humour. Beauty fades and sometimes a very good looking person can seem ugly if they have a rotten character, I've met people like this.
 Mel1509
Joined: 11/15/2008
Msg: 24 (view)
 
Any other ladies over 30 never been married or engaged
Posted: 1/8/2010 11:43:04 AM
BMF...society doesn't exactly look much differently towards men over 30 who haven't been married either so pot meet kettle.....

Your insecurities are showing...you might want to cover those up there my friend.

Well said there. Thank you.
 mel1509
Joined: 11/15/2008
Msg: 22 (view)
 
Any other ladies over 30 never been married or engaged
Posted: 1/8/2010 4:47:22 AM
Aristotle (330 BC) wrote that women should get married much earlier than 30.
He also wrote that "woman of a well-ordered life should consider that her husband's wishes are as laws appointed for her".....ancient wisdom always best, just follow that, ladies

Aristotle...the first male chauvanist pig
 mel1509
Joined: 11/15/2008
Msg: 21 (view)
 
Any other ladies over 30 never been married or engaged
Posted: 1/7/2010 4:50:32 AM
The expression on peoples faces when I say yes im single, no im not married and no I don't have any kids, yes Iv got a job I love, I often want to say to them no there isnt anything wrong with me, no im not that way inclined (although even if i were i dont see the problem) and no I dont want to meet your 3rd cousin bob who is 20 yrs older than myself.

Exactly. I have had quite a few tumbleweed moments over the last year where when you say you are single it all goes quiet as if people don't know what to say. How about asking about one's job, friends, college, hobbies, etc.

I have a work collegaue who asks me almost everytime I see her if I have a guy yet, week after week
 Mel1509
Joined: 11/15/2008
Msg: 143 (view)
 
Why is it such a stigma to be an older bachelor?
Posted: 1/5/2010 10:05:31 AM
In my experience us 'spinsters' get more rude, ignorant comments that bachelors. I think it'a more acceptable for men to be unmarried and carefree than for women.
 Mel1509
Joined: 11/15/2008
Msg: 10 (view)
 
Is 30 a watershed in mind only?
Posted: 1/5/2010 10:02:35 AM
People insinuate that with me all the time. Unfortunately I never got a ticket for that particular boat!
 Mel1509
Joined: 11/15/2008
Msg: 4 (view)
 
Is 30 a watershed in mind only?
Posted: 1/4/2010 11:12:22 AM
I don't understand why this post was deleted as it's a valid question. In my opinion it's societal. You get forcefed ideas of things you are supposed to have achieved by certain ages by the media and family/colleagues etc. Despite the fact that all statistics are pointing towards single person households outnumbering couples/families over the next twenty years or so you still come across people who think there is something wrong with you for not being married with 2.5 children by your early thirties. Not everyone is so lucky and as many more on this site have said things happen at different times for different people. I had the husband of a friend telling me on New Years Eve that maybe I'm destined to fulfil the role of the one who is always left. He wasn't being nasty, he said someone would come along eventually but that someone always has to be the one left behind, and for whatever reason that may be until now that person has always been me. Something to think about...
 Mel1509
Joined: 11/15/2008
Msg: 20 (view)
 
Any other ladies over 30 never been married or engaged
Posted: 1/4/2010 11:03:16 AM
Mel: I was just thinking about that, too. .that most people date around for awhile before they actually find the person they want to be with. Sometimes, I do wish that I had started earlier. Oh well, can't go back and change it. And yes, I do agree that it wouldn't hurt to have a separate section for never married, no children, and over 30. Though I wouldn't be opposed to dating someone with kids. .just that I might not be able to relate to them on some things.

Yeah jeepwmn, once you get in your thirties the chances that a potential partner might have kids dramatically increase. I dated a separated guy with two kids when I was 29, and found that if it goes wrong the hurt is all the worse and you haven't just lost them, but if you have a good relationship with the kids, you've lost them too. I spent a lot of time with his kids, and now I no longer get upset about him it's the kids I remember and miss. I obviously couldn't rule out dating a guy with kids in the future, as that is cutting out a lot of possibilities, but I know I would be more careful in that instance and ensure the guy was really into me before I met his kids.
 Mel1509
Joined: 11/15/2008
Msg: 15 (view)
 
Any other ladies over 30 never been married or engaged
Posted: 1/2/2010 5:32:20 AM
"I am 33, as well, and have never been married or engaged. It's probably due to me picking the wrong types of men. .need to work on that. Always tend to pick the ones that I know aren't good for me. .the ones that don't treat me well or the way I should be treated. Also, it's probably due to the fact that I started later in the dating game. .didn't actually start dating anyone until college, even then, it was a pretty short term relationship. .didn't have a serious relationship until my late 20's. We talked about marriage, but nothing ever came of it. No, you're definitely not alone in never having been married/engaged".

Yeah this is similar to me Jeepwmn. I didn't have my first boyfriend until I was 24 so by that I think most people date for around ten years or so before finding the right person (say if the average age to start dating is around 14/15). So I guess that takes me to 34/35. I also have a friend who got married in her twenties and is now 32 and divorced. When I say to her "well at least someone wanted to marry you once and your not a spinster like me" she always replies that she would rather have never been married at all than had to have gone through a painful divorce.
 Mel1509
Joined: 11/15/2008
Msg: 1 (view)
 
Any other ladies over 30 never been married or engaged
Posted: 12/30/2009 10:09:32 AM
I know I'm prob going to get some stick for posting this, but just wondering if any other ladies on here are in the same position (32, never been married or even engaged) and do you think it's a good or bad thing? All my friends are either married, divorced or have kids but not been married, but I've not done ANY of that and sometimes feel a little ashamed about this. I know it sounds pathetic and some posters will tell me such, but would like to know there are more of us out there and it's not just me!!
 mel1509
Joined: 11/15/2008
Msg: 21 (view)
 
I honestly believe supernatural forces are keeping me alone.
Posted: 12/11/2009 4:38:01 AM
Mel, I am SO with you on that one! I have started to really dislike shorter women, because they should be with the shorter men and leave the tall ones for us!!

Right there with ya sister!
 mel1509
Joined: 11/15/2008
Msg: 8 (view)
 
Single Bashing
Posted: 11/22/2009 12:13:46 PM
Yeah I tell them very little these days. I found it gave them a reason to be smug and go "so glad I have so and so and don't have to go through that again".
 mel1509
Joined: 11/15/2008
Msg: 5 (view)
 
Selfish or natural?
Posted: 11/22/2009 11:36:04 AM
Yeah good advice. I know your all right, been here before and it is starting to become a self fulfilling prophecy. I like partying though, but it isn't getting me anywhere. What to do though...

Another friend of mine plays saxophone. I'd love to learn acoustic guitar, just don't seem to have the confidence.
 mel1509
Joined: 11/15/2008
Msg: 7 (view)
 
Single Bashing
Posted: 11/22/2009 11:29:36 AM
Well yeah I AM Bridget Jones but I don't understand why you said that?
 mel1509
Joined: 11/15/2008
Msg: 1 (view)
 
Selfish or natural?
Posted: 11/22/2009 10:45:31 AM
The majority of this year I have been partying with a single girlfriend ,as we have both been single and pretty unlucky. I always knew she would meet someone eventually and that I would have to deal with the inevitable feelings of envy and feeling left out. She has just met a guy she really likes and it seems to be going well. I am really happy for her as her husband left her a couple of years ago and she had a bad time. She's a top person and gorgeous to boot, so I never had any doubt things would work out for her eventually.

I'm struggling though with my envious feelings and also the feeling that we won't be going out partying as much as we were if this guy turns out to be something special. I already found myself missing her last night, as it would usually be our party night. I know we will still go out together, but it won't be the same as us against the couples, if that makes any sense.

I probably sound really selfish and bitter, but I'm not. I want us both to meet someone special, but it never seems to be me
 mel1509
Joined: 11/15/2008
Msg: 6 (view)
 
Single Bashing
Posted: 11/22/2009 10:37:55 AM
Ha ha good advice thanks
 
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