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 Author Thread: Lost her to Alcohol
 Boba48
Joined: 11/19/2008
Msg: 12 (view)
 
Lost her to Alcohol
Posted: 7/23/2009 2:26:11 PM
This is an interesting older post I found. I have gone through a similar situation with my last girlfriend as the original poster did. I never did get to say goodbye to her. Just some 4 hours after a great night shared she had an alcoholic frenzy. She ended up going to a further very long term rehab which I chose not to know any details about. This was the greatest relationship of my life and the worst. Maybe a perfect love at times all killed by alcohol. I am moving on but even while trying the thoughts still come up. So I looked through the searches for answers. Maybe just knowing I am not alone. Please no alanon responses, I probably went to more AA and alanon meetings then most even though I am a very light social drinker with a strong coffee addiction. I went to the meatings to support my girlfriend and to learn for myself. The two years of experiences could fill a book. They have been expressed on many prayer lines, one which has had the highest following for close to two years.

I just find seeing the timeline past the relationship with others as a reassurance and hope. Yes my heart is open to God's will on this. In a year or so I will need to face my greatest fear. I may need to say to my greatest love that I cannot be with her. Unless a miracle happens and we can be together again. I however can no longer put my life on hold.

I am resurrecting this post to help others. So many people feel the pain and deep scars of alcohol. So many dreams that could have been become lost to the bottle.

I have fought back. I am living again. I have not been able to start a new relationship or even go on a date. I am working on me. It will all be within God's time. I get out often and enjoy life these days but know something is still missing...... I have learned to be happy again but still miss her.

Live, laugh, love. Life is good.
 Boba48
Joined: 11/19/2008
Msg: 52 (view)
 
The three things that a man wants in a mate...
Posted: 7/23/2009 1:35:51 PM
This is an interesting thread but how many men are writing what they think the female POFers want to here?

That sandwich is always special at the right time especially in the heart of a great game in football season, but grab one of the beers too. (oh how good it feels good to be spoiled).

Now after the game its for her.......

So what do I hope for mostly from a mate.
1. A caring best friend that respects and cares as I do for her.

2. A woman to drive me to be all I could be. (without any constructive criticism- argh) The motivation only a perfect mate can provide.

3. Oh yes - an always improving, creative, playful and exciting sexual relationship.

Live, laugh, love. Life is good.
 Boba48
Joined: 11/19/2008
Msg: 17 (view)
 
when the heart isnt enough........
Posted: 7/21/2009 11:46:47 AM
Even the best relationships cannot always survive the outside world or the past of either of the partners. Pure unconditional love holds on but can't always conquer. The love for the other will remain forever (see titanic, etc), but outside factors can keep perfection from becoming permanence. When two special people are together, all may be perfect. However working schedule, family obligations and others from the past may work on the foundation of that perfect love. That foundation is alway fragile as life's experiences have set in fissures based on past pains and hurts. Outside people may try to influence and break a good thing based on their own experiences.

My last relationship was the best of my life and at the same time the worst of my life. Alcohol killed it. She became an alcoholic as a result of her past. I stood by her as she put some effort into recovering. There came a point to just accept things and move on. She will always hold a piece of my heart. Together we did have perfect love.
 Boba48
Joined: 11/19/2008
Msg: 20 (view)
 
Both insist on paying for a towed car
Posted: 7/15/2009 1:50:08 PM

Cuz we're guys, and we are so ashamed of the "men" who post in the "who pays for coffee?" threads or the "all women are golddiggers just out for a "free meal", that we want to go overboard to compensate for the "girly men" that women think we've become.


It comes down to do you want a lasting and strong relationship. One need a woman has is to know you will come through for her when there is a need. They want to know they will be safe and secure. This was an unexpected expense and he did the right thing. If the relationship works there will likely be one bank account anyway. A complete sharing. This woman will always know her man came through. I believe he should take the money if she insists and tell her right away he can use it to have a good day together. Of course he should have paid right away before she had a chance to refuse. That's worth far more then the dollars on the longterm.

Live, laugh, love. Life is good.
 Boba48
Joined: 11/19/2008
Msg: 61 (view)
 
Would you continue seeing someone if you found out they're really sick?
Posted: 7/15/2009 1:11:16 PM
You loved, you had faith, you gave your heart and soul. God gave you all you could ever desire. Treasure everyday as a gift from God and live each to their fullest. You were your special person's angel. Now you will enjoy that which few have, and most can only dream of. I envy you for your strength and fortitude. Congratuations.
 Boba48
Joined: 11/19/2008
Msg: 51 (view)
 
What are the odds...really?? REALLY????
Posted: 7/15/2009 12:49:48 PM
What are the odds of you meeting someone anywhere who will become "the one". But never give up because if you do you will miss one of many opportunities.

Through your life.
A few dozen play friends as a small child
About 25 new classmates in K through 6th grade.
Maybe you met a couple of hundred or more out of a thousand in middle school.
Several hundred more in high school, a number of parties where you met many more and started to really share adult laughs.

Oh now there's face book so you can reach all of these. Maybe a couple of thousand opportunities already and you barely started dating.

College or the working world. Wild huge parties, some which you even remember. Friends introducing you to friends. More bars, concerts, beach parties. You probably have trashed over a hundred numbers of people interested in you before your 22nd birthday.

Meet a special one, oh not so special, it lasted only 6 weeks. Wait now you're getting the calls from her girlfriends. More opportunities lost. In the working world. A little travel. Down to the bar while at the hotel. Good conversations every trip. Oh, they are too far. Also lost opportunities. A serious move in relationship of a few years. Meet many couples. Oh none of them are still together but at the time you were friend with all the men and women. They all had friends and may even be on POF now. Probably another good 100 possibilities lost. Your married, maybe kids, sports outings, boyscouts, girlscouts, school functions. Wow so many hellos. Seems like everyone knew you. How many from this networking are lost. Ok separation time, parents without partners, church support groups, friends return but you are too depressed to accept their help. So many lost opportunities. Now you are alone. One day you see POF and say you can't find anyone and are alone.

Guess what you probably have thrown away 20,000 opportunities already so why would, could anyone believe you will actually sincerely try on POF.

Do something positive today. Go out on a friendly date with the best contact you have now. Do not make to much of it just use it as a stepping stone to start living and waisting your opportunities looking for green grass. You can't find the greener grass because you trapled it away and never took care of it. It has been there all the time. Even that may be recovered. Was that last relationship really that bad or was it you. Was that marriage something you should go back to. I know for the majority there is no hope but for a few they should go back.

The next relationship, grab the opportunity. Treat it like gold. It only had a 1 in 20,000 of getting there. If it made it through those odds it has to have something going for it. PS. Facebook makes it possible to find those 20,000 opportunities you missed.

What are the odds
They are what you make them out to be.

Live, laugh, love. Life is good.
 Boba48
Joined: 11/19/2008
Msg: 13 (view)
 
Both insist on paying for a towed car
Posted: 7/15/2009 11:55:47 AM
Her offer to pay was enough. If she does pay you back. Put that money aside to enjoy a special day with her.

Some have tried to turn the situation around. Either way it is the man's responsibility to be the man. In time things can be shared but any man should always step up first and not expect anything in return.

A little story. An old girlfriend (at the time,who eventually became my last wife) told me she felt something special when we were driving 2 cars somewhere. She was following me. We went through a toll. I paid for her car as well as mine. She said that made her feel very loved and cared for. That night we enjoy alot together, but it was the $2 toll that lived on.

Its not about the money, it about showing that you can love, care and protect.

Live, laugh, love. Life is good
 Boba48
Joined: 11/19/2008
Msg: 11 (view)
 
POF and fear
Posted: 7/15/2009 11:39:52 AM
Ok I stopped sending messages for a while to regroup after my last relationship. One that ended via alcohol (hers) not because the love failed. It was the best relationship of my life and the worst.

I came out again, sent messages, got out to meet people. I was ready to meet someone on here I was communicating with for a couple of weeks then she told me her profile was a fake to catch her boyfriend. She said the picture was of a friend. She still wanted to meet me. At first I thought at least at this point she tried to be honest. After sleeping on it, I knew I could not start anything on a lie. The lie ,the actions would always be there. I did lose alot of trust in the profiles on here.

I met a person yesterday while just enjoying the day that definitely sparked my interest. She admittedly stated it was too new to start something but we shared the day as friends. I think I was more comfortable because she put that boundary up. I realized 2 things. One I'm not immune to feeling that spark again and that I am walking very gingerly in moving forward.

I am an optimist and am going through the motions to socialize. I know it has never been long between good relationships and that they come when they are least expected. At the age of 49, any relationship has to conquer my own fears and work towards reducing the fears of the other even when many are not known.

live, laugh, love. Life is good.


 Boba48
Joined: 11/19/2008
Msg: 26 (view)
 
What is real love...and have you ever had it?
Posted: 7/14/2009 5:06:05 PM
We hear this at so many wedding but few have really understood the words. If you take each line as a step you can achieve pure love. The only problem is even complete unconditional love is not an assurance of permanence unless both parties believe in it. Even if one does the relationship does achieve a special level few have experienced.

1 Corinthians 13

Love

If I speak in the tongues[a] of men and of angels, but have not love, I am only a resounding gong or a clanging cymbal.

If I have the gift of prophecy and can fathom all mysteries and all knowledge, and if I have a faith that can move mountains, but have not love, I am nothing.

If I give all I possess to the poor and surrender my body to the flames,but have not love, I gain nothing.

Love is patient, love is kind.
>>First step be patient to let love grow, patients throughout the relationship. Put forth true selfless kindness. This is where the seeds of undonditional love is born.

It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud.
>>Let love flow. Don't use a partner as a bragging toy. Don't think your bigger because someone special loves you too. Don't be to proud where you can't accept that the others love may be at a different level.

5It is not rude, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs.
>> read the line over and over and live it. It will only bring you joy and understanding at a higher level

6Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth.
>> Everyone wants and honest and trustworthy partner. Never hurt the one you love even if things don't go so right.

7It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres.
>> Most women want to feel safe in a relationship. Most men wants to feel cared for. As a man To love, care and protect are primary in any true relationship. Don't let small things get in the way of true love. Keep working at it.

8Love never fails.
>> True love can never die, even if the relationship breaks, true love remains forever. Maybe just a memory but it will always be there. It is better to have loved and lost then to never have loved at all.

But where there are prophecies, they will cease; where there are tongues, they will be stilled; where there is knowledge, it will pass away.
>> How many do not know the phrase love conquers all

9For we know in part and we prophesy in part,
>> rarely can we fully understand the strength of true love. How many envy that person that holds onto a love even when life takes it toll. The man or woman that stands by his or her woman and will not leave even though he/she is in a coma or has Alzheimer's or something else.

10but when perfection comes, the imperfect disappears.
>>When we achieve pure love all is perfect, age ceases, flaws fade away.

11When I was a child, I talked like a child, I thought like a child, I reasoned like a child. When I became a man, I put childish ways behind me.
>> to love is to live life as it was meant to be lived

12Now we see but a poor reflection as in a mirror; then we shall see face to face. Now I know in part; then I shall know fully, even as I am fully known.
>> This line can be only fully understood when all the other lines are understood and lived.

13And now these three remain: faith, hope and love. But the greatest of these is love.
 Boba48
Joined: 11/19/2008
Msg: 86 (view)
 
Confused! What do men really seek? A nice woman that can be wild sexually or just plain wild period?
Posted: 7/14/2009 4:13:16 PM
It interesting the number of answers from women on this thread. If any of these women knew what any man wanted whom they wanted to be with they would not be on this site or need this site. Most women try to feed there opinions of how they should feel onto their men. For those I say grow up. Enjoy and listen. Most women say many men have a difficult time listening or understanding. Give us a chance to get the word in edgewise. Then we might find the conversations worth listening to.

Here's my answer. A quick background. I am very spiritual and hold strong morals so my view may be a little conservative, but it works for me. I do want a woman who has experience and has at least appeared to be somewhat safe about it. However once I'm in a relationship, its a betrayal of trust for that woman to seek other physical relationships. Making love or having sex is giving a piece of yourself. That is a piece of your heart. Handled improperly and both end up with wounds and pain. Wounds will heal in time but the scars remain forever. A man or a woman that has too many partners and sees sex as just fun is creating many scars for the future perfect partner to deal with.

Ask any single person over 40 that wants a true partner and they know how hard it is to get past the other person's past and survive even if the relationship is otherwise perfect. When having fun or wanting fun the answer to this question becomes shallow and short sighted.

If you don't believe this. Look at all the beautiful people hiding in alcohol or isolating themselves hating all relationships because they believe they only cause pain. They might go through the motions but sex to them has become a necessary evil to keep any relationship. They have lost the ability to enjoy it. They lost something special God has granted us because it was abused or they abused it.

Men want something special when they have sex. They, like most women want to be loved as they love if they are seeking a good and long term relationship.

Live, laugh, love. Life is good.
 Boba48
Joined: 11/19/2008
Msg: 44 (view)
 
Honesty, whats so hard?...
Posted: 7/13/2009 6:45:42 PM
Honesty will get you off of POF as you will actually meet your special person online or otherwise. Being completely honest with yourself will move thing faster. You can't control or change others but a truly honest person can see through and past the lies most of the time.

When someone OPENS UP completely releasing themselves they open the door for a true relationship and the masks and misrepresentations surface. If any relationship starts with lies there is little hope. People spend so much time looking. They are all just fools and wasting everyones time if they can't be true to themselves or to others.

How many on here have met others who did not look anything like there 10 year old picture they posted or were nothing like that active and fun loving person described in their profile. How many saying they like canoeing, hiking, dancing or sunsets have not picked up a paddle in years, do not even own a pair of hiking shoes, only danced with their last broken marriage from years ago, and have not taken the time to see a sunset in years. How many determine the type of person they want to meet and write their profile to attract that profile. A person with 100's of favorites is obviously not looking if they are on here for months or years.

The only ones they are fooling are themselves. So I ask everyone that reads this to rewrite their profile from their heart. If thats too hard get your best friend of the opposite sex to write it honestly. Guess what the result will be in a short time. You will delete your profile or just forget about this site as you will no longer need any singles site.

Live, laugh, love. Life is good
 Boba48
Joined: 11/19/2008
Msg: 3 (view)
 
Online dating vs Social groups
Posted: 7/12/2009 7:34:58 PM
The groups I am have been considering are just the normal groups found as you surf the internet. Generally they are free or very inexpensive, occasionally charging activity fees. Some might be active such as a walk or hike, others would be just a party or dinner group.

The choices of online dating are endless from POF to match to eharmony etc.

My goal is to find women that are authentic from the start. Obviously an online group will get the best looking choices as you could pick from 100's and always find pretty ones, write a note and hope they respond even if they are on 700 or more favorites. I'm not looking for that shallow side of dating.

In this time of technology where does one find the most reality and obtain the truest results that could lead to something lasting. Is seeing the eyes and hearing the voices more effective then high tech chemistry matches and pages of written details.

Live, laugh,love. Life is good.

 Boba48
Joined: 11/19/2008
Msg: 4 (view)
 
Preferences - just food for thought?
Posted: 7/12/2009 2:41:46 PM

Of course, what someone writes in a public Forum might not be representative of the "real" them.

I completely believe what is written in these forums are much better examples of the real people on here. I have found that most of what is written on the profiles is more about whom they want to attract then the real person within. I find there is information in the profiles that show that real person but it is usually between the lines and only in a small fraction of the overall profile. These forums bring out opinions and even heart. They show past angers and past joys. They paint the picture of the good and the bad. I would love to meet perfect but that is not reality. Short of that I would like to see the imperfect to know if it is within my acceptance levels to survive long term. That comes out in these forums. The country is too big to meet someone from the forums but they do make some average women look far more attractive and at times taint what appears to be perfect even if they have 700+ favorites.

Live, laugh, love. Life is good.
 Boba48
Joined: 11/19/2008
Msg: 1 (view)
 
Online dating vs Social groups
Posted: 7/12/2009 2:09:26 PM
I have been on here and I have joined singles groups and see the two sides of meeting people. I am however new to dating again and am interested in others experiences.

Which is the better way to meet?
1. A dating group that has events or parties
2. An online group that such as this that shows your chemistry matches and many details up front.

I know the easy answer is both but again I want to here from people that have or are in both.

Live, laugh, love. Life is good
 Boba48
Joined: 11/19/2008
Msg: 15 (view)
 
Overall, is it fair to say women are more emotional than men?
Posted: 6/15/2009 6:11:02 PM
Those emotions are what brings spice into our lives. Sometimes more then we could handle. It is also a great sign of a good relationship when a woman does feel comfortable enough to open up.

Live, laugh, love. Life is good.
 Boba48
Joined: 11/19/2008
Msg: 61 (view)
 
Does head over heels in love still happen after 45?
Posted: 5/27/2009 11:54:14 PM
It does happen. It should happen. Hopefully for each and everyone on here it will happen.

The quirk is that after 40 it grows into heads over heals. We also may not realize we had it until it is gone, or almost gone. For many it won't happen again until they relearn to stop and smell the roses. Look at what you have before running to the next date.

Live, laugh, love. Life is good.
 Boba48
Joined: 11/19/2008
Msg: 9 (view)
 
Does fear hold us back from a true realationship?
Posted: 3/22/2009 2:14:05 PM
Fear carries many guises. Fear could be a similarity from an act of your current partner which brings back pains from prior relationships. The situation explodes as you protect yourself from a repeat of the past. Most of the time this is a minor action exaggerated in our mind.

What happens from there is where we start sabotaging the relationship we dream for and have in our hand. We may over react and cause a deep wound to the one we love most, not because of what that one has done but because of the past pain resurfacing from only one its minor pieces. Our partner doesn't and can never know why we reacted as we did. He/she can do no right as we assume the person is going to repeat our past haunts.

After we feel so sorry, but the damage is done. Then the tears, distance and sometimes the recovery.

 Boba48
Joined: 11/19/2008
Msg: 26 (view)
 
Breaking Up with Depressed Suicidal Girlfriend?
Posted: 3/14/2009 6:02:54 PM
This post as become a challenge to morals and is showing the depth of relationships. Its sad that so many feel relationships are throw away commodities. Moving in together is a commitment. This is especially true as so many are afraid to marry as their are so many divorces. Its safer to live together. Ok living together may not have a financial or legal responsibility but if you have any soul at all it has a moral responsibility. It is never right or acceptable to abandon your partner. When you commit to living together you commit to that person. If you got married and there was pain or illness then you would stick by that person. If you got a woman pregnant you would have a responsibility to that child forever. Living together is a form of giving your heart in exchange for theirs. You have a responsibility to deal with whatever comes up. If she had a car accident would you run away then. A little compassion and you will grow through this. What is a month or two or even more when you have your whole life ahead. I am not saying you cannot get out but you need to return the heart as you received it. You need to love, care and protect this woman until she has the support system around her so she could do it on her own.

Here is the picture of this woman 10 years from now if he just abandons her. She will become one of the many woman who only know pain in relationships. She will probably not commit suicide but will stop living. She will only exist in her body and use it as a tool. She will lose the ability to love. She may drink. She will probably go through many abusive relationships. This is the picture of a large percentage of the women on here. Yes many of the men have become just as cold.

If he helps her now she will find hope and be able to live. He will go through life knowing he did what was right. He will also know how to deal with situations similar to this when he does get into a permanent relationship.

I could analyze every person on here who says to run and know they stand a very small chance of finding happiness themselves. Somewhere along the way morals and the bible have become the outcast. We need to all look at ourselves if we want this to be the last time in our lives we need to be on a dating site. Be good to your neighbor. I am not against two living together but I am against it if their is no commitment.

One last thought. If you were this woman what would you want this man to do. She knows the relationship is not working. You can't live through it without knowing. Just maybe she is hoping that the friendship and heart survives. Maybe in her mind this is her only hope. He needs to send out a rope, a life preserver and get her to shore. He has the opportunity to become a better man. That is worth the few months. It will save a life. Maybe his....

Live, laugh, LOVE. LIFE is good.
 Boba48
Joined: 11/19/2008
Msg: 16 (view)
 
Breaking Up with Depressed Suicidal Girlfriend?
Posted: 3/13/2009 11:17:00 AM
This is a hard topic, not to be taken lightly. Real lives are at stake. Opportunities to save 2 lives. Reality is never a fast decision.

First. To all those who want to send this woman back to her parents. That's a cop-out. Those parent have dealt with this woman for their whole lives. If they offer then its an option. Otherwise that is not an open door.

Second. So many parts are missing on this story. Are there dependency issues (alcohol or drugs)? If its a dependency issue get this woman to help now. Its available, even without money and its needed. Then get yourself in a al-anon meeting.

Are there past pains that have been resurrected but not resolved? Its not the short term hospital that will help but dealing with the problems with a real professional. Not just drugs. Seek long term solutions not band aids.

Do not try to solve this yourself and don't push it off. If you are in a church (even superficially) go ask for direction, groups, support to help. First get the support around you. Then try to get her some outside independent support. People are generally good in nature. If you reach out they will help. If you are not in any community or churches then talk to friends or go on line for help. You need to protect yourself as you are involved as she has been living with you. You will build those protective walls by building your own support group with loving and caring people. You can't throw away a person you cared about without hurting yourself as well.

Finally. This is not the best forum to discuss this. This site is full of singles with broken or hidden hearts. They will tell you to run as that is what they all did and still do. Compassion, caring, understanding and effort is all part of love. That is to all people you touch and have touched you.

Remember you must have seen something in this woman to have her living with you. That is the open door. She may not be the rest of your life but as you have taken her in you have an obligation to make that transition out smooth and human. I disagree with the idea that relationships are a throw away commodities. You never know. Maybe what you thought was in this woman from the start is just under the surface.

I ask one more thing for any that read this post. If you know of the help lines for this man and woman post them. These two are lost souls in need of a heart and many,many friends.

My prayers are with you.

Live, laugh, love. Life is good.

- I always end with this as it reminds me and all those around that in all times good and not so good there are always blessings out there. Trust and believe and you will see.
 Boba48
Joined: 11/19/2008
Msg: 181 (view)
 
Intellectual Attraction
Posted: 3/9/2009 7:29:54 PM
I read somewhere that smarter people have a harder time finding a match as they get older. This is more common with women. I think as we get older we need far more then the spark of good looks or just good sex. We look for and seek it all. Maybe looking for too much but why settle?

Some of my greatest nights in my life have been those nights where I could talk to someone throughout the whole night. That can only happen when you have the balance of intellect and a true interest in what the other is saying.

I will add something to many of those that think intellect only comes from a good or great education. I do have a strong education but have found that many of the smartest women I have met have had little or no real education beyond high school. Usually life got in the way for them. Intellect comes from life in many cases.

Without intellect even the prettiest and sexiest women lose there attractiveness in time.

Live, laugh, love. Life is good.
 Boba48
Joined: 11/19/2008
Msg: 2 (view)
 
Great when with her, bad when not..
Posted: 2/22/2009 3:44:42 PM
Yes I have had this and it lasted almost 2 years. We lived together on and off (weeks or months at a time). When she felt crowded she went to her own place. She was perfect with me. A loving angel. When she was away she was flirty and flighty. She stated she just wanted to make people smile. She hid alcoholism from me. With me she did not drink much. When she was away she was a severe alcoholic. It totally changed her personality. She was emotional, caring and giving sober. She was just the opposite after a few drinks. It was the best relationship of my life when she was sober and but the worst relationship while she drank.

People had said that she just did not love me, but she would do anything for me while I needed as I would for her. In the good times it was the purest love I ever had. If there are two sides of a relationship there is a reason, an outside factor. Unfortunately there are no answers. Enjoy what you have if it is enough and know it just could never be complete or reach forever.
 Boba48
Joined: 11/19/2008
Msg: 1 (view)
 
Does fear hold us back from a true realationship?
Posted: 2/22/2009 3:23:08 PM
There is no fear in love. But perfect love drives out fear, because fear has to do with punishment. The one who fears is not made perfect in love.
1 John 4:18

I have seen on here so many being overly cautious in taking that first step to dating again. If they do meet someone they don't follow through or keep dating others just in case. Has fear held you back from finding your true love?

What form do you feel perfect love needs to overcome your past.

Live, laugh, love. Life is good.
 Boba48
Joined: 11/19/2008
Msg: 56 (view)
 
Would you give back an engagement ring if the relationship fails?
Posted: 2/19/2009 6:37:37 PM
The ring is a statement of the feelings and love in the relationship. If you look at it as its monetary value give it back. If you see it for what it meant, then you are preserving the good times even if you move on. I had one ring returned to me and I gave it back with the stipulation that it should never be sold. I told her some day she would understand that the love was real. The relationship was real while it existed.

If you got engaged it had to be good at some point. Preserve that. Hold onto that as it was a part of your life that should never be denied. The pains of the end should not overshadow the good. Hold onto to ring. It will eventually free you from your pain.

Live, laugh, love. Life is good.
 Boba48
Joined: 11/19/2008
Msg: 56 (view)
 
Moving in, or not moving in
Posted: 2/18/2009 6:23:28 PM
Lets face it we don't like to eat alone or sleep alone. It is so much nicer shared. I will take the stance like a few on here. Sooner then many plan if it just works. Until one experiences that they cannot understand.

Live, laugh, love. Life is good.
 Boba48
Joined: 11/19/2008
Msg: 51 (view)
 
Moving in, or not moving in
Posted: 2/18/2009 5:16:22 PM
My answer move in but keep your own place. I was with my x wife for 7 years before we married. She had kids, older but still in and out of the house. I had my own room in her place. I had my place too. I used it a few times a month. She tended to use it more then I to get away. It worked real well.

In most of my past relationships I had similar situations. There is the security on both sides when you have your own space. You can share everyday but you can also lead your own lives. If you are moving together for financial reasons it will not work in most cases, so you both should be able to keep your own places.

Live, laugh, love. Life is good.
 Boba48
Joined: 11/19/2008
Msg: 9 (view)
 
Why try and change things......
Posted: 2/18/2009 4:55:57 PM
A man's point of view. I always prefer a woman with life and a strong will. It is always a challenge. The balance of enjoying the heat of the fire or getting burned by it. In the mean time real life, excitement and hope. A hope for a very special woman that can be herself. A real woman. A real person refusing to change just to get her man.

That's the gift. The woman is honest about herself, her desires, her will. It is always worth the risk.

I say to all the woman on here that are fiesty, flirty, fun and flighty. Take your flights of fancy. Stir the pot often. Be a real woman. Have your fun. But when you find the one that you love, and loves and accepts you, don't forget to give him your heart and respect as he accepts you as you are. Let the world know where your heart is always, but don't change.

Live, laugh, love. Life is good.
 Boba48
Joined: 11/19/2008
Msg: 64 (view)
 
What do you think of a man (or woman) who comes on really strong right away?
Posted: 2/11/2009 4:43:33 PM
Keep it in mind all the people on here including myself are bias. If they truly succeeded at love they would not be on here. (this includes me) Given that I say you cannot put a timetable on feelings fast or slow. The actions we take with those emotions and the reactions to the emotions we receive will determine if we give love a chance.

Everyone has always heard of love at first sight. "Sleepless in Seattle" is it a fairtale or could it happen. The other end of the coin is how many have heard of best friend who are male and female share years or decades together as friends then a spark comes and they enjoy a perfect marriage.

If you stop either from happening or reject love's actions you give up on one of your only chances at true love. Deal with it by talking, but if you otherwise like the person don't run because its not on YOUR timetable. Relationship starts with communication. Woman and men take things differently.

Here's an example. A guy brings flowers to a woman on the first date. How many different reactions would that bring. Mostly negative as too forward. If you didn't do it some 50 years ago you would be thought of as inconsiderate. Which is/was right.

Love is not on a time table.

Live, laugh, love. Life is good.
 Boba48
Joined: 11/19/2008
Msg: 29 (view)
 
At what point.............
Posted: 2/10/2009 4:46:14 PM
Marriage is so tricky at this point in our lives, so that may not be the whole issue. There are really two sides to this story and marriage may not be the answer. First after some time there should be a strong link between your lives. Even when separated, there should be a desire to share everything. Yes, preserve your own life and don't change but don't hide either.

In a good relationship the time is found the schedules are meshed. If that can't be done including the compromises then there is no marriage material to begin with. This does not mean changing yourself, it means changes in your life to make yourself do things in a way that works for the relationship. On here most of us are single parents, when we got to be that way, we made changes to preserve and protect the relationships with our children. If you want a husband and the man wants a wife you both need to go through that same work to make it happen.

A few things to think about:
Is he your first thought in the morning and last thought of the night? And you his?
Are your dates just escapes from your current life bring much needed joy but somewhat superficial?
Are you both working hard to make this relationship work?
Can you talk about a future together? On the other side, is it talked about too much, keeping one or the other away?
Are you both just meeting for sex?
Do you love each other or are you both just filling the void of needing a relationship?
Is he your best friend? Are you his?

Here is the harder ones:
If you get a feeling that something is wrong when you are distant and out of touch, do you stop everything to make sure he is alright? And does he do the same for you?

Hypothetically, if you were in a car wreck or other accident alone would you reach out for his help know he will know to come or pray that he comes.

Do you feel safe, complete and confident with him around? Do you make each other better just by sharing lives?

Finally, I do say once in a while is not enough. Love is not hit and run. Watch the movie fireproof together.

Live, laugh, love. Life is good.
 boba48
Joined: 11/19/2008
Msg: 40 (view)
 
After meeting someone, what are some good questions to ask?
Posted: 2/8/2009 9:51:59 AM
I'm all for avoiding the 50 questions. I need to discover the person within. If they are with me, I'm attracted enough that the superficial stuff is mute. Two questions usually lead to an entire night or a long date. One what gave you the most smiles as a child? The second is Outside of dating what has been your greatest joy lately? Then the trick is to listen , to see the eyes, to feel as that person feels.

If you do get into the persons home, keep your eyes open. The joys are left all over the house. Key spots: the nightstand, the bookcase, where ever games are left out and on the refrigerator.

live, laugh, love. Life is good.
 Boba48
Joined: 11/19/2008
Msg: 13 (view)
 
Can you keep her happy without spending money?
Posted: 2/8/2009 8:57:08 AM
Ok to all the woman who says they need a guy with money. If the guy was nice, knows himself and is confident he didn't leave his x stranded. He probably walked away from everything know it will come again. I did it two times already. If the woman waited until my row boat turned into a yacht then they could only see it from the shore.

Guess what the first mate on that yacht was the one that set it assail. Its with the support of a woman (first mate) that men do best not the ignorance of the gold digging bombshell sunbathing on the deck. If you can't handle the ride I don't want you on my ship. Stay ashore and we will write postcards from the islands. You may still be on POF asking where all the good guys are.

No man or woman has to wait for his life. Its not all about money, its about living, laughing, and hopefully loving. Discover the guy and you might be surprised.

One more thing. I had a friend in Pennsylvania through a singles group. He dressed down and stated he was a tug boat captain. He would be very frugal on his first few dates. He wanted to get to know the woman first. One of the nicest guys I ever met. He was looking for a wife. Most of the woman dumped him after about 3 to 4 inexpensive dates. Some lasted but did not take him seriously. He would never lie but never talk about his true wealth. He had a plan. After 3 months he would let a woman know his wealth by flying her on a plane, his jet to Paris. He was a tugboat captain because that was his first good job. He also owned a fleet of large cargo ships. It was interesting the comments I overheard at the singles dances how he was cheap, refused to spend money. After the singles dance if he did not meet someone he might go to Michaels and buy drinks for all the his friends, always very generous. He just wanted to meet a true woman.

Open your eyes. A guy that has money will never let you know he does have it unless he's looking to buy a play toy.

Live, laugh, love. Life is good.
 Boba48
Joined: 11/19/2008
Msg: 9 (view)
 
Can you keep her happy without spending money?
Posted: 2/7/2009 3:34:56 PM
This question should be two parts. Can you start a relationship without money? Can you keep a relationship without money. The question should be do you want a woman who only sees you for what you have? You need to honest and live within your means to do so. Life has its ups and downs from being able to spend large amounts on a single date to seeing what can be done when your tank is on empty and you have to decide on whether to have that next date knowing you will eat mac and cheese or ramon noodles again.

The answer is a good woman will make it easy if you try and substitute creativeness and a true interest for money. Its going to be a battle as they will hear from most how they should walk away to a person with more. If the spark is there the flame will grow. It just takes more work. Then when the times get better treat her like a princess, because you have a special woman.

A woman who you have been seeing for a while may push and encourage you to make more but if she insists on spending your money you don't have, run and run fast. If you don't it will take a greater toll when the marriage breaks or even if it doesn't.

Live, laugh, love. Life is good.
 Boba48
Joined: 11/19/2008
Msg: 18 (view)
 
Is it OK to share POSITIVE experiences you had with your ex?
Posted: 2/6/2009 7:06:44 PM
Your life is your whole life. Timing is always important but complete honesty and openness requires that your partner know your whole life from your first memories to the hours before you met. He or she need to know the good , the bad and the ugly. He or she needs to know, understand and release you from your deepest and darkest pains. He or she should look forward to and strive to bring all of your joys forward to share in your new life.

How could you be a couple if one keeps a part away from the other. Even when the relationship is starting certain thing may happen outside the relationship that should be shared and again released.

Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It is not rude, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres.

......And now these three remain: faith, hope and love. But the greatest of these is love.

Live, laugh, love. Life is good.
 Boba48
Joined: 11/19/2008
Msg: 20 (view)
 
Dating and finding positive people over 40
Posted: 2/6/2009 7:07:15 AM
It's 10 am on a Friday going into the weekend. I present a challenge to anyone who has a touch of pessimism. Try to take the positive spin on each event outwardly and see what happens, and who you meet. Then say hello or just smile.

For those very positive people take it a step further. Use the energy from your positive spirit as an opportunity. When you get the smile, hug or thank you, say hello, get the number, welcome a new person in your life.

Friday, Saturday, Sunday, 3 days , no football, one the end of the work week for many, one to be your Saturday, one usually for family and spirituality. 3 days that are the start of the rest of your life.

Live, laugh, love. Life is good.
 Boba48
Joined: 11/19/2008
Msg: 75 (view)
 
Is this a major turn off for anyone else?
Posted: 2/6/2009 6:51:38 AM
Where's the romance here. I for one have always found that I always do the driving. A courtesy, a man being a man, etc. I think through my dating history I have met most at their place. Just picked them up if kids were around. Otherwise walked in for few minutes. Many times they asked me over for a meal as she was eating alone and I called and we were talking.

Maybe its because I actually get to know the person before I meet. Maybe because they are friends already. Chats, emails, phone calls all build a relationship and trust. It would always have been better if I could see the eyes as they see mine first but that can rarely happen unless you have a web cam.

Too much guard up will keep you from showing yourself. I think its harder to get into a good relationship on here for that reason. Of course I think a woman should be careful if they had a couple of chats, a couple of emails and every call is just a few minutes, but then that guy is just not that interested anyway and all the woman is is taking a number from his machine at a his deli counter....next.

Get to know the person and where you meet is irrelevant. Try it you might get your ticket off this site, unless you just like the forums. Comfort, trust, love they all build on each other.

Live, laugh, love. Life is good.
 Boba48
Joined: 11/19/2008
Msg: 2 (view)
 
PUT your life on HOLD or Celebrate your SINGLEHOOD!
Posted: 2/5/2009 11:53:37 AM
Being single is not just about your next date. Its a great opportunity to grow one's self and enjoy the world. It is temporary for many of us, but carries lasting memories.

There is the peacefulness of a great steak dinner savored in peace with a good game on in a steak house. A bicycle ride on the whole Pinellas trail for a full afternoon stopping and talking to many. Setting up the lounge chair(s) and canopy at the beach.

Many times these lone events become shared. Look at the causeway to honeymoon island on any sunny day and even some not so sunny. Many single people just reading, relaxing and enjoying. Say hello and it usually starts a party with all those around you.

Celebrating being single is those days off from "The Hunt". (those that think that's too strong a word are just lying to themselves or they wouldn't be on this sight) . I'm new again to this lifestyle but I enjoyed my last time around being single. I enjoyed my Fridays which became non-date nights shared with friends, men and woman like from the show "friends". So many stories told and shared. I knew these friends better then most of their boyfriends and girlfriends did. Several are still friends despite some 1100 miles and years apart separate us.

These years of being single are a big part of us. They will contribute the most to that perfect relationship when it comes as these years will rebuild your heart ans soul.

Live, laugh, love. Life is good.
 Boba48
Joined: 11/19/2008
Msg: 15 (view)
 
When was the last time you HELPED a Stranger?
Posted: 2/4/2009 2:42:47 PM
Hey this is a very bias question. Whom on these forums that does not write often does not try to help someone almost everyday. I don't know how it is with others on here but half of my emails come from strangers from all other parts of the country.

Hopefully they do the same outside of their flat screens.

Live, laugh, love. Life is good.
 Boba48
Joined: 11/19/2008
Msg: 24 (view)
 
If you were a Road Sign, what would it say??
Posted: 2/4/2009 2:26:35 PM
For the fishes I'm very interested in
No passing zone.

For my friends:
Soft shoulder

For that special fish:
Park here

Hopefully for me:
construction zone ends
 Boba48
Joined: 11/19/2008
Msg: 148 (view)
 
Body Issues?
Posted: 2/4/2009 8:55:37 AM
A guy in love will see you as the day he captured the love, even if many years go by. I never saw my x wife had aged until the love faded after we ended up separating. That was almost 10 years of so call rose colored glasses. I saw her as the beautiful very young woman I met all those years.

As far as her being comfortable with her body. It took time, love and reassuring that she was comfortable with me. To me she was always beautiful and there were never any flaws.

If the man completely loves you, you will become completely comfortable with him. He will never see the flaws even with the lights on. After all us guys are usually in much worse shape then the woman we are with. You accept us so why can't we accept you.

I will admit I tend to seek very beautiful woman but there usually is character in every flaw. Carrying twins which left an imperfection is a mark of all the happiness that has brought to you. Its reality. Like many on here have said you are beautiful, focus on that not a minor imperfection left from love.

One last thought. Who hasn't seen that 90 year old couple sitting at the diner still in love.

Live, Laugh, Love. Life is good.
 boba48
Joined: 11/19/2008
Msg: 12 (view)
 
Dating and finding positive people over 40
Posted: 2/3/2009 7:21:41 AM
Here is what positive people can do. Here is what I believe and DO.


The sad part of it all is that the "positive" people collectively march right into the brick wall at the end of the alley still playing their instruments and someone has to rescue them........."Positive" people are not positive at all, they are just uninformed, people in the making, armchair participants in life and love.


A positive lifestyle can take on the impossible and make it happen. A positive person never accepts no or it can't be done. A positive person doesn't dwell in life's setback but find the way out and believes they were blessed by the experience as they are now a better person.

I have been rich, poor. I have been a athlete and almost could not walk at one point. I came back each time. After an operation my doctor said I would be able to walk with a limp. I came back and went mountain biking on mountain pass almost twice the age of anyone else trying those trails. I meet a person with a problem and can look right through it. I will not forget it as I will help them look right through it. If I can't find the answers myself I turn to God first, the bible, priests, pastors and even psychologist if needed. In the end most of them do become my friends to. My friends and family know I am a survivor. I take on life and make it happen.

I have and will always help all those I meet. When a woman I loved was overcome by alcohol. All including her family said she was lost and could not be helped. I never gave up and she is doing well now. A friend still. I took on the impossible with her and helped her find herself.

The over 1300 people that have viewed this thread probably have many thousands of stories about how they brought people back just by being positive and believing in others when no others would.

So do we march into brick walls. No we march right through them. A poster I had on my wall once said "my aim the star, my goal the mountain".

Live, laugh, love. Life is good.
 boba48
Joined: 11/19/2008
Msg: 6 (view)
 
What was your most enjoyable date?
Posted: 2/2/2009 9:26:35 PM
All dates should be enjoyable as you should be doing something you enjoy and if the person you are with enjoys it too you end up with a friend or someone special.

On another blog a questioned asked:
If you could have a fantasy first date/encounter?

My fantasy first date. She is sitting across room more beautiful then any I have seen before. A few words. A dance. A light kiss. A real kiss. Too crowded. A trip to a place overlooking the water. A bottle of wine. The sparkle in the eyes. Pure love just understood. A sunrise shining in the window with an angel sleeping in my arms. She was never asked to stay, she just stayed. Perfect comfort. Life begins. She never leaves. Pure love just understood.....

It is not just a fantasy. It was my most enjoyable date. Talked through the night and the next 5 weeks together. She never left. I never asked her to stay. It did lead to special relationship.

An enjoyable dream.

Live, laugh, love. Life is good.
 boba48
Joined: 11/19/2008
Msg: 10 (view)
 
1000 reason to be positive
Posted: 2/2/2009 11:27:34 AM
1000 reason to be positive. This thread was started some 24 hours ago and 1000 people have viewed it. Over 50 writers. One comment on here stood out. Many on here are looking for email, or just friends. Being positive takes the anxiety away. I am looking for a LTR but have found POF to be more of a source of friends.

However if my heart feels there could be or may be more I will explore that. I have met some woman on here that are great to just share time with, or have simple fun with. I talk to them often and we lift each other up, laugh or just enjoy. Life is good. 1000 people have read and want to be positive on here.

Enjoy, have fun.

Yesterday the Superbowl, with or without a relationship most had a great time. Everyone is upbeat and positive. How many hello's or laughs were shared by people who just met. Find the way to contact those people again. You never know......

Live, Life, Love. Life is good.
 boba48
Joined: 11/19/2008
Msg: 42 (view)
 
Met my ex on this site,turned out 2 be a drunk!!!
Posted: 2/2/2009 6:28:46 AM
How strong is the love? First, most people with drinking problems do not believe they have one. If you really love the person you will love and support them both through loving and caring as well as tough love. If you can see the person within you can help by believing in them and helping them to believe in themselves. If the person recovers they will be different and the relationship may fade from that, it will definitely change. True love will take that chance. They can't do it alone.

Secondly, most people will tell you to get away from the person. Now you have to really look in your heart..... It will never be the same if you go through the process. In good ways and in hard ways.

Live, laugh, love. Life is good.
 boba48
Joined: 11/19/2008
Msg: 7 (view)
 
Dating and finding positive people over 40
Posted: 2/2/2009 4:34:31 AM
Good morning everyone. What is positive is that this thread is running strong. guess what a smiley is actually a happy face that took over in the 60's and 70's. They made it happen and so can we. I love the comment
I drove my old car, didn't know if I had enough money for gas, just threw a few things in a cloth bag along with my toothbrush and my cd's....
. I'd date her just for her zest for life.

I've looked at profiles that have that positive spirit and one pointed out how to bring it to the one we love or will love, or are trying to love
The way I would describe romance is any thoughtful gesture that is done for the person you care about. Anything that lets the other person know you are paying attention to the little things and are in tune with what pleases him.
. If that doesn't bring a jumping smile what will?

Thanks to everyone keeping this thread storm. There is a story behind it. A spirit receive at church on Sunday morning. The sermon stated one person can change the world just by touching another, or many, or maybe the whole world. It is our responsibility to try. I put through a thread that did not quite make it. Unshattered this one came and WOW thanks.

A final thought have you ever been oh so angry, or oh so sad and a great poke, tease or funny action just made you laugh. My bet is the pains went away , maybe just for a moment but they did. Share that.

Bob

Live, laugh, love. Life is good notice even the angel has a happy face
 boba48
Joined: 11/19/2008
Msg: 1 (view)
 
What was your most enjoyable date?
Posted: 2/1/2009 8:59:37 PM
Maybe some could share their memories of their most enjoyable date. Just plain fun or very romantic. A date you will never forget. Let enjoy each others good experiences and get ideas for our future dating as well.

Bob

Live, laugh, love. Life is good.
 boba48
Joined: 11/19/2008
Msg: 6 (view)
 
Dating and finding positive people over 40
Posted: 2/1/2009 8:08:58 PM
One person asked what is positive. I will give 2 answers, one biblical the other just nice

He who follows Me shall not walk in darkness, but have the light of life.
John 8:12 (NKJV)

Hold on to your dreams, and never let them go. Show the rest of the world what I already
know: how wonderful you are! Give circumstances a chance, and give others the benefit of the doubt. Wish on a star that shines in your sky. Take on your problems one by one
and work things out. Rely on all the strength you have inside. Let loose of the sparkle and spirit that you sometimes try to hide. Stay in touch with those who touch your life
with love
. Look on the bright side and don’t let adversity keep you from winning. Be yourself, because you are filled with special qualities that have brought you this far, and
that will always see you through. Keep your spirits up. Make your heart happy, and let it reflect on everything you do!
-Poem by Douglas Pagels

What is positive it believing in one's self, believing in others, believing in God. Trusting in one's, trusting in others, trusting in God.

What is a perfect relationship. Perfect faith. Perfect hope. and Perfect Love.

It takes 2 to make it perfect. It takes one to plant the seed.

Live, laugh, love. Life is good.
 boba48
Joined: 11/19/2008
Msg: 4 (view)
 
Dating and finding positive people over 40
Posted: 2/1/2009 5:32:08 PM
The half time show was so great. Thanks to everybody sending positive messages. This is the future. We need to bring all the positive people out. Then we will meet them, love them and have our dreams come true.

Live, laugh, love. Life is great.
 boba48
Joined: 11/19/2008
Msg: 1 (view)
 
Dating and finding positive people over 40
Posted: 2/1/2009 1:15:42 PM
It seems the nature of those hurt that they bring the pains of the past forward. What is the best ways to find the positive relationships out there. I believe this on line dating can work but even a positive new thread cannot survive on here. How can we find the joys we had at younger times when we were free and on top of the world?

Live, laugh, love. Life is good.
 boba48
Joined: 11/19/2008
Msg: 17 (view)
 
Which do you believe?
Posted: 2/1/2009 11:24:45 AM
Love is a decision based on an initial emotion. We all need the spark to start something real special otherwise it is just a friendship but you can love your friend. To love is the decision to put the effort in to retain and preserve the emotion. Love on its own does not require any initial effort. Eternal love and complete love requires the ability to desire, and effort to give all to another without any expectation of anything back. It takes the self out. If it is pure, unconditional and matched it is perfect love shared.

Live, laugh, love. Life is good.
 boba48
Joined: 11/19/2008
Msg: 216 (view)
 
We all Have baggage at our age? No Baggage thing...I don't get it
Posted: 1/31/2009 4:43:20 PM
Ok baggage is just a word and many refuse to acknowledge it so they will not even accept the word. Call it what you want, past experiences, pains, even past joys. Simply it is our past. To say you have no past, you are hiding. The only way to live today is to acknowledge your past and live today. Acknowledge all you are and who you are. If you can not do that how could you really be showing your next love the real person within? I ask all those that refuse to admit any baggage aka any past the following:

How would you feel if you walked down that aisle completely in love then..................
Found out on the honeymoon the deep dark secrets then?

Bob

Live, laugh, love. Life is good.

PS. I have never been alone for any period of time. Everyone on here asks for honest on their profile. Being open and honest works. It goes both ways.
 boba48
Joined: 11/19/2008
Msg: 207 (view)
 
We all Have baggage at our age? No Baggage thing...I don't get it
Posted: 1/30/2009 10:18:04 AM
Ok, here's my philosophy on a woman who tells me and insists that she has no baggage. I will probably run not walk to the door. I will do it politely and maybe without the woman realizing what happened but I will do it just the same. If I really like the woman I might inquire about her past to find out if it is just semantics.

The key is a person at our age who says they have no baggage is unable to admit or accept the past. They may be so strong willed, set in the ways, and stubborn that they cannot admit that they are not perfect. A good relationship is based on communication. Through love and communication all the past is accepted unconditionally. Its this understanding that builds the strongest bond.

How many say on here, they want friendship first. Is that not a way to discover is a person really accepts you as you are, and frees you to be yourself baggage and all. Its a man's job to lighten the loads through understanding (Love), empathy (care) and shielding the woman from past, new or further pains (Protect). It is a woman's job to nurture (Love), listen and understand (care), encourage, enrich, and free a man to grow and be all he can (Support). The result is those bags are there but carefully stored away. The tears that come from opening and acknowledging the contents are freed.

This is the only way we could live again. If you say you have no bags, you have acknowledged your past. You not only are not and have not lived but you also do not have the ability to live your own life and certainly cannot truly share a life with another.

Live, laugh, love. Life is good.
 
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