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 Author Thread: Tell me why...
 godfahduh
Joined: 11/19/2008
Msg: 12 (view)
 
Tell me why...
Posted: 1/3/2009 11:40:31 AM
It always baffles me when I hear tales of men cheating. When I was married, I couldn't fathom how to get away with cheating. Does your wife not know where you are? When I was at work, she need only call my office. If I was going somewhere after work, I'd call and let her know, and she could call my cell at anytime and there'd be appropriate background noise to validate where I said I'd be. Do married couples typically not know where the other is? Do they spend that much time apart, where they can go have a date, and have sex?
 godfahduh
Joined: 11/19/2008
Msg: 87 (view)
 
When a Woman Isn't In the Mood:
Posted: 1/2/2009 3:43:41 PM

But this ignorant attitude of there never being a valid reason is harmful.


How many times does it have to be said before you'll comprehend. The subject of the article posted is not, I repeat is not, about health problems affecting sex life. It's about the not being "in the mood". Yes, thank God for that small kindness, cause someone that can't even listen (read) the main topic of discussion would be hard pressed to get my compassion.
 godfahduh
Joined: 11/19/2008
Msg: 85 (view)
 
When a Woman Isn't In the Mood:
Posted: 1/2/2009 1:50:40 PM
Sooooooooo, menopause is a lifetime thing? Medical issues are NOT NOT NOT part of the topic at hand. If you married young, had sex with your husband often, and after a decade or two of marriage you become menopausal, a GOOD man would be understanding. I'll say it again, GOOD DOES NOT EQUAL PERFECT. It never has, and never will. Websters ... take a gander at it once in awhile.

I'm glad to hear that you want companionship, caring, attention and butterfly kisses, but don't give two shits about what HE wants. Afterall, in a marriage, the woman's wants supercedes all else, right. Bet you dollars to donuts your menopause didn't stop you from shopping, going out with the girls, visiting friends and family, but abandon said husband, he needs to understand, I have menopause!
 godfahduh
Joined: 11/19/2008
Msg: 83 (view)
 
When a Woman Isn't In the Mood:
Posted: 1/2/2009 12:58:30 PM

I believe alotta men just don't grasp the extent to which menopause negatively impacts women. All they seem to realize is they've suffered a significant decrease in sexual activity. And I realize that's tough (physically and on the ego), but it can be very difficult to work up sympathy when a woman feels like she's gonna bleed to death, is losing control of her bladder, having hot flashes so severe she is afraid an alien is gonna come ripping out of her chest, and feels at the mercy of emotions that are all over the place. Couple even one of those with changes in the ability to become sufficiently aroused and it sucks to be you with a raging hard on.


Sigh. From the article:

Every rational and decent man knows there are times when he should not initiate sex. In a marriage of good communication, a man would either know when those times are or his wife would tell him (and she needs to — women should not expect men to read their minds. He is her man, not her mother.)

But, to repeat the key point, rejection of sex should happen infrequently.[u] And it should almost never be dependent on mood[/u]
 godfahduh
Joined: 11/19/2008
Msg: 80 (view)
 
When a Woman Isn't In the Mood:
Posted: 1/2/2009 10:33:48 AM
Good does not mean perfect, there is a difference. The article was posted, and it immediately turned into an attack against men, and a list of b.s. excuses that strayed from the original topic ... a good man, that a woman LOVES. The response bordered on hate. After being married for 13 years, averaging sex 4 times a year, and meeting loads of men making the same claim, yes, I've become direct, blunt out my feelings on it, and call out any woman's claim that there are more women not getting any in a marriage, than men. It's bull. I also believe that "if he'd only do this or that" excuse as well, because I and many other men have all heard it before.
 godfahduh
Joined: 11/19/2008
Msg: 78 (view)
 
When a Woman Isn't In the Mood:
Posted: 1/2/2009 10:15:36 AM
I don't meet many women that won't complain about their husband, nor many men that won't complain about thier wives. There are definite commonalities among them all, and regarding women and sex, it's never been him not putting out enough. When sex is the issue of the complaint, it's that he bugs her for it too much. When I delve further into it, there's always a "if he would just do this, then I'd be a nympho" excuse. I'm a pretty sociable guy, the numbers are strong. The only women claiming to like sex in my presence, are single.
 godfahduh
Joined: 11/19/2008
Msg: 76 (view)
 
When a Woman Isn't In the Mood:
Posted: 1/2/2009 9:48:35 AM

In my adult life I have yet to experience not being in the mood.

I can't relate.

I hope to never be able to either!


IMO and IME this claim is a lot like a man's claim to be rock hard with a huge one day in and day out. Once you actually make love with said person, you find out the REAL truth.
 godfahduh
Joined: 11/19/2008
Msg: 75 (view)
 
When a Woman Isn't In the Mood:
Posted: 1/2/2009 9:46:39 AM

Actually, that's YOUR bottom line and doesn't apply to everyone... just like your scenario of 28-days-without-tail. You're all hung up about the list and not even giving a rat's azz about what the list contains. Not talking with your partner (just acknowledging he/she exists and sharing) IS a HUGE problem and will lead to the loss of the connection many people (not just women) need to feel in order to be intimate. And if YOU can't understand or do that YOU need to get out... h***!... don't even START a relationship, cuz you can't maintain one.


I find it hysterical that YOU keep going on about how communication is sooooooo important yet YOU can't comprehend that the subject of the article is not being in the mood with a good man. A good man doesn't ignore his wife for christ's sake. And if YOU can't understand the point, though it's made repeatedly, then YOU need to get out ... h***! ... don't even START a relationship because you only care about YOUR needs and not the GOOD MAN you're supposed to love.
 godfahduh
Joined: 11/19/2008
Msg: 7 (view)
 
Not picky enough?
Posted: 1/1/2009 7:49:37 PM
I'm sure this article had to have been posted before, but I post it now, because it's relevant to the discussion. I don't agree 100% with the article, but it does raise some interesting discussion points.

http://www.theatlantic.com/doc/200803/single-marry
 godfahduh
Joined: 11/19/2008
Msg: 67 (view)
 
When a Woman Isn't In the Mood:
Posted: 1/1/2009 7:42:27 PM

There are plenty of frustrated women out there too.Its not just a man thing.I meant don't take it personally as a personal rejection, there may be other reasons.


The article was addressing a woman not being in the mood, that's it. OF COURSE there's more sexual problems in existance than that, but the article was discussing only one.


This thread shows, how important sexual connection, is to a man and how hurt and rejected, they feel when it is missing.


Boy, ain't that the truth! But in my personal observations and discussions, I've met loads more sexually frustrated GOOD men that live damned near celibate lives with a woman claiming to love him. The article says, and I believe it to be true, that men know their wife love them when she freely gives her body to her husband. That's it, no other way. I'm a pretty sociable guy. I emailed part 1 of this article out to about 100 friends, and practically all replied to specifically THAT part, claiming it to be true. A man knows when and only when you give him your body. A batch of cookies, or an "I love you" isn't it.
 godfahduh
Joined: 11/19/2008
Msg: 66 (view)
 
When a Woman Isn't In the Mood:
Posted: 1/1/2009 6:00:06 PM
Plain and simple. If your husband's sexual needs and desires aren't taken care of, your marriage is doomed, period.
 godfahduh
Joined: 11/19/2008
Msg: 65 (view)
 
When a Woman Isn't In the Mood:
Posted: 1/1/2009 5:59:04 PM

However, ask yourself, if you were as romantic and as attentive a lover as you were when you were courting your wife.


MORE SO. Because she wasn't putting out, despite her promises of "once we're married."


Did you let yourself go in any way compared to when you were an eager groom?


Big time. While I became more attentive to her, and doing more than half the housework and child rearing, I also got seriously fat. I wasn't allowed to go to the gym, or martial arts classes, or to the track to go walking/running. She also "let herself go" but I never cared or mentioned it.


Once married, did you share in the exhaustion of raising children and keeping a household?


Shared is an understatement.


We find mothers/wives holding down fulltime jobs yet having to fulfill the needs of children, family and home without a fair contribution from husbands.


She rarely had a fulltime job ... I take that back ... she rarely worked full time.


Nowadays, they do double time and it is no wonder that they have little energy or desire left for anything outside of the absolute necessary for family survival.


I maintain that no matter the work load, woman that withhold will withhold, regardless of the work load. All else will come before sex with the man she "loves".


I maintain, share in the sh*twork and reap the benefits.


Sorry, I know far too many men in situations where "sharing" really means "take over and do it all yourself". Too many women won't count what HE does, and expect him to do half of what she does around the house.


You're kidding, right?
In the mood to go to 'work'?

Wow

Sounds to me like this guy is a proponent of legalized prostitution... he goes to work to pay the bills, she lays down or gets on her knees to earn her keep.


The point was clear and obvious. "Mood" is subjective, and often a b.s. excuse. "Not in the mood" is expected to be only an acceptable excuse for women to use on men for not wanting sex. The mood for work example was to show how ridiculous the "I'm not in the mood for sex" thing can get. If a man said he wasn't in the mood to go to work as often as most women say they aren't in the mood for sex, she'd leave his ass, and get accolades for it by others.



hmmmmm how much exactly does one 'earn' by being this kind of wife... presumably keeping house, giving sex, etc.... never MIND going through ten months of pregnancy to give birth....


And he presumable does yard, house, and vehicle maintenance. Your attitude sounds to me like, "I had your kid, now I never have to please you sexually ever again. By the way, I love you!"


If you treat your woman without love or consideration, are not affectionate at other times, how can she respond to your advances with enthusiasm.If a woman does not feel valued or loved , she will be less sexually responsive, its common sense.


The article is in two parts. Its common sense to read the whole thing before presenting this. The article clearly said "GOOD MAN" Sheesh! Everyone keeps coming up with "well I'm sure he doesn't do this good thing, or does this bad thing" ... when the article clearly says "GOOD MAN" ... and I keep throwing in one you're supposed to be in love with, but that goes ignored as well. Unless it's common for women to love men that treat them like shit, or for women to just lie and say they love a man for God knows what reason. The whole point of the article is this: "Why would a loving, wise woman allow mood to determine whether or not she will give her husband one of the most important expressions of love she can show him? What else in life, of such significance, do we allow to be governed by mood?"

Part 1 is here: http://townhall.com/columnists/DennisPrager/2008/12/23/when_a_woman_isnt_in_the_mood_part_i


After kids, there is often weight gain and stretch marks, this dents a womans confidence and she may not like being seen naked. She may feel ugly and unattractive.Therefore sex goes out the window. If you feel desirable and attractive, you feel more sexy.Be aware of your partners feelings about her body. Once again communicate and continually say what you love about her.Make the compliments genuine and loving.Its not all about the man, it may be internal feelings the woman has about herself. Do not always take it personally.


That's supposed to be more valid that nature? Men have testosterone, it makes them highly sexual creatures. Yet the man is supposed to fight nature, because of your societal problems. Yeah, that's fair.
 godfahduh
Joined: 11/19/2008
Msg: 52 (view)
 
When a Woman Isn't In the Mood:
Posted: 12/31/2008 10:55:43 PM

I can see what you are asking. I just didn't word it right. Having bills is nothing. We all have bills. What I was thinking and should have made clear is bills that I am worried about and not knowing how I am going to be able to pay them. Now I have never been in that situation; but, if I was, I feel certain my worrying over the unpaid bills may take priority over sex.


Ugh, I just saw your age, I feel terrible. I have a bad habit of assuming everyone online is my age and had similar experiences. Worrying about anything of importance can definitely alter anyone's mood towards the negative. I hope your future soulmate will be able to 1) help you never have to worry too much about unpaid bills and 2) can brighten your day when you have big worries.
 godfahduh
Joined: 11/19/2008
Msg: 51 (view)
 
When a Woman Isn't In the Mood:
Posted: 12/31/2008 10:42:12 PM
The bottom line is this. If you want to play "I'm not in the mood" 28 days a month, when your marriage fails, you've only yourself to blame. If there's this huge list of why you don't want to please the man you claim to love, then you need to get out of the marriage, plain and simple.
 godfahduh
Joined: 11/19/2008
Msg: 50 (view)
 
When a Woman Isn't In the Mood:
Posted: 12/31/2008 10:40:06 PM

Give me a good lover who shares in the sh*twork of daily life and I'd rarely say no and I'll bet there are a lot of women like me.


A lot like you that make the claim. What I personally see are women that take the list of duties they do around the house, and completely ignore the ones the man does. The man is then required to take more than half of the wife's list, in order to get sex. When it does happen the man gets sex, that night, and that night only. IME it's a b.s. claim that's become popularized. "I want it more than my man, provided he brings me chocolates, does more than half the work, tells me I'm beautiful every 5 minutes, takes a shower, drenches in the cologne of MY choice, and bathes in talcum powder.


The other problem in this post is that sex is being equated to a job. Once that attitude is taken, the joy is gone.


Once ANY attitude that a woman chosses at random is taken, the joy is gone.
 godfahduh
Joined: 11/19/2008
Msg: 49 (view)
 
When a Woman Isn't In the Mood:
Posted: 12/31/2008 10:34:52 PM

if she isn't in the mood a few times a year I guarantee you that he equally will have a few times a year he doesn't want it


The article addresses this. He even used the man not going to work analogy, saying that if the man wasn't "in the mood" to go to work, it'd be fine a few times a year. If he became that way over half the week, not only would the woman not like it to the point of leaving, she'd have the total support other women. "Of course you had no choice girrrrl! You have every right to leave him, who gives a crap if he's not in the mood, tell him to get his ass up and get to work!"


I am just a tad irritated by this because if a man who can't have sex due to his limpness and doesn't want to do a darn thing about it or admit he has an issue and that a woman should love him regardless


Again, this was address in the article (part 1). He doesn't deny what you've stated, it's just a different issue altogether.


I can attest to men who didn't want illness standing in the way of a lay too....


Addressed in the article. This isn't about having sex while sick, this is about "I'm not in the mood" ... big difference, but somehow allowed to be included in this discussion, as yet another excuse. The whole subject is 'NOT IN THE MOOD" not, "I'm sick".


I can attest to men who didn't want illness standing in the way of a lay too.... this is a two way street boys and girls... it's not the Betty Crockers recipe to wedded bliss... it is a two way street of working at keeping passion alive and there are just as many unsatisfied women out there as the men who want to sit and cry...


Yeah, I see this claim a LOT ... never met a man who mad said claim though.
 godfahduh
Joined: 11/19/2008
Msg: 48 (view)
 
When a Woman Isn't In the Mood:
Posted: 12/31/2008 10:26:48 PM

Anyone who actually believes that sex should ever be done "out of duty" or that's it's an obligation (for either gender) is not someone I would want to know, not even as a friend, let alone in an intimate manner.

And anyone who thinks or believes (or who has allowed himself to be brainwashed into believing) that women are not as sexual as men, is most definitely not the one for me.


Doing his share of the chores, protector, provider, mechanic, landscaper ... all his "duty" and something he SHOULD feel "obligated" to do. That's fine. A woman being obligated TO THE MAN SHE SUPPOSEDLY LOVES to do anything, that's misogynist b.s.!!! How dare he not resist nature like that!
 godfahduh
Joined: 11/19/2008
Msg: 47 (view)
 
When a Woman Isn't In the Mood:
Posted: 12/31/2008 10:20:03 PM

And some men should come with a big-azz, honkin, neon sign on their foreheads which reads "By the way, eventually I won't appreciate or even talk to you, but when I climb in between the sheets, b****, you better be ready, willing and able."


You haven't read the full article. He distinctly said GOOD man. There are TONS of stories and jokes regarding a lack of sex FOR MEN after marriage. There are so many because it's true.


Ya know, the genders are wired differently AND built different. You look down and it's like "Oh sh**! My d*** is hard. I better find a place to put it." Women don't become instantly aroused and without the proper environment in which a woman feels appreciated, desired and loved most men probably ain't even up to the level of performance it would take to get a woman off under that circumstance.


The problem is the lengthy list involved and the mind reading that's expected. It all boils down to "I just don't want to screw." If ANY one of your excuses were addressed, and new fashionable one would just pop right back up.
 godfahduh
Joined: 11/19/2008
Msg: 30 (view)
 
When a Woman Isn't In the Mood:
Posted: 12/31/2008 9:42:23 AM
If you're going to put loads of pre-qualifications on how your future partner gets sex, you'd be doing you both a big favor by mentioning it before the wedding. "By the way, if there's an unpaid bill, I won't screw you. Kid had a problem today? That's a non sex night I'm tired? no sex. You don't get me off, that's no sex. No roses, no sex, no gas in the car, no sex."
 godfahduh
Joined: 11/19/2008
Msg: 28 (view)
 
When a Woman Isn't In the Mood:
Posted: 12/31/2008 9:07:25 AM
The consensus seems to be that men and women want sex for different reasons, and different things turn us on. Lay claim to whatever you want, but the rule of nature is that man desires sex more so than women. I think it's obvious in the amount of threads where women post about wanting to wait, and how long before they HAVE to give it up, and why is it so important to men, and can I get away with not giving head, et al.
 godfahduh
Joined: 11/19/2008
Msg: 25 (view)
 
When a Woman Isn't In the Mood:
Posted: 12/31/2008 8:42:57 AM

Before reading the posts, I felt that a wife should not have to feel obligated to have sex and that she should have sex because she enjoys it. However, I can certainly understand that, as several women pointed out, that other things like unpaid bills and the needs of the children should take priority and, even more so, if the man just wants "Wham bam, thank you ma'am" sex.


Paying the bills means you don't have to have sex that day? How many bills do you have?

Nothing takes precedence over sex for a lot of men. Do bills take precedence over sex for you? If you love your man, you'll want to make him happy. Don't think that making him a batch of cookies is EVER better than lickin' his peepee.

And again, from the article re: obligation:


4. Thus, in the past generation we have witnessed the demise of the concept of obligation in personal relations. We have been nurtured in a culture of rights, not a culture of obligations. To many women, especially among the best educated, the notion that a woman owes her husband sex seems absurd, if not actually immoral. They have been taught that such a sense of obligation renders her “property.” Of course, the very fact that she can always say “no” -- and that this “no” must be honored -- renders the “property” argument absurd. A woman is not “property” when she feels she owes her husband conjugal relations. She is simply wise enough to recognize that marriages based on mutual obligations -- as opposed to rights alone and certainly as opposed to moods -- are likely to be the best marriages.
 godfahduh
Joined: 11/19/2008
Msg: 22 (view)
 
When a Woman Isn't In the Mood:
Posted: 12/31/2008 7:33:57 AM
The analogy isn't women having sex and men going to work. It's men in the MOOD to go to work, and women in the MOOD to have sex.

"Female nature" is either a claim of her genetic make up and not wanting sex, or her having her period..

"Lay down and take it ****" is YOUR translation of what was written, I believe otherwise. It was a well thought out response to the woman claiming that pleasing the man she supposedly is in love with, makes her feel like property, even though the female gets all rights to when and where sex can occur. We all have expectations and responsibilities in life and matrimony. He's saying that sex is part of the marital obligation. If it's not, then you just need a friend, not a lover/partner/soul mate.
 godfahduh
Joined: 11/19/2008
Msg: 20 (view)
 
When a Woman Isn't In the Mood:
Posted: 12/31/2008 7:21:21 AM

As you have stated, you have never been married and anyone who believes that marriages stay static and have no ebb and flow are denying reality. I liked the sex with my ex, but life does get in the way whether you like it or not, have a baby, work a full time job and try to be there for your SO and see how exhausted you are by the end of a month. Does that go on for ever? No. But there seem to be many men that dont want to come to a compromise to get to where they want to be even for a relatively short ampount of time. He wants sex when he wants it, she wants to be able to have a relaxed enough mind to be able to enjoy having sex with her husband. Does he respect the fact that the baby not having any clean clothes is important or that the phone, gas and Visa bill are still sitting there waiting to be paid, and that what you are going to eat for dinner the next day still needs to be planned? Not very often as these are things that many men apparently believe just happen magically and only think about when there is no dinner and the phone company is calling looking to be paid....but hey he is feeling a little horny so drop your drawers baby.....


It said "GOOD MAN" ... you're not describing a good man, you're making up excuses for why you shouldn't give a man a good rogering.

I've met a ton of men that claimed to have helped around the house, spent time with their kids, did everything they could muster to please their wife and still didn't get it. I'm one of them! I did FAR MORE than 50% of the house work, changed FAR MORE diapers than she, and got laid 4 times a year. It' s always MY fault in the eyes of women like you. Whatever the man does is never enough to warrant sex and the next morning, is a new day, do more shit and more ass kissing or you're not getting any tonight. In that situation, she should admit she doesn't love her man and let him freaking go. But few do that as well.


Heh. If my husband hated going to work, I'd tell him to quit his job and find another career that he actually enjoyed doing. Life is far too short to spend your days doing something you hate.

Somehow I don't think that's the message the author was trying to get across.


The OP said "work", period. Not "current job".
 godfahduh
Joined: 11/19/2008
Msg: 8 (view)
 
Pictures of Previous Sexual Encounters......
Posted: 12/22/2008 8:02:41 AM
Personally, sending a nude pic of yourself to your significant other is an expression of intimacy just as much as having sex, or deep conversations. They should never ever be kept. Look at it, and delete! A cell phone can be lost, and once put on the net they're forever. It's irresponsible to keep them, no matter how much you'd like to.
 godfahduh
Joined: 11/19/2008
Msg: 138 (view)
 
Spanking - What's the deal?
Posted: 12/17/2008 12:18:18 PM
I like the way the ass jiggles when it's smacked
 godfahduh
Joined: 11/19/2008
Msg: 138 (view)
 
Whats an instant turn on for you
Posted: 12/14/2008 1:06:52 PM
Promiscuity turns me on, which includes, but is not limited to (dirty talk, flashing, sexy dress)
 godfahduh
Joined: 11/19/2008
Msg: 32 (view)
 
Why do people get divorced?
Posted: 12/14/2008 1:03:41 PM
I left my wife a year ago, and it hurts like hell. I didn't leave because I stopped loving her, or anything she did annoyed me to the point that I felt I couldn't live with it anymore. It came down to her disliking anything I liked, her being totally distant with me, and ignoring me. Somehow down the road, she stopped loving me. It really, really sucks to adore someone that seems to loathe you. Kids don't need to see that and assume that's how marriage works. For me it was about 2 years I felt like that. Maybe a stronger man could have lasted longer, but I'm of the opinion that no one is strong enough to live through that for a full lifetime. Everyone would break at some point. Maybe some of the 50 year old, 20 plus marriages had a member that just reached their breaking point further down the road.
 godfahduh
Joined: 11/19/2008
Msg: 38 (view)
 
Momma's boy
Posted: 12/13/2008 2:12:32 PM
IME, there's a lot of rivalry between women and mom-in-laws/future mom-in-laws. I've always worked by the rule that you never come between a man and his mother, or a woman and her daddy. You'll lose every time.

I don't consider myself a momma's boy, but at 40, currently live with my parents. I got separated a year ago, and have been fighting custody in court. I don't want to move out until my divorce is final, and I find out how much I have to pay, and whether or not I can keep access to my kids half the time. That will play a large part in my decision as to where I'm going to live.

Both parents are still alive and at 70, quite active. They've rarely called on me for help with anything. When they do, I show up, period (although I have asked them to re-schedule a few times when I've had pre-arranged plans). Someday they'll probably need me more often, and I'll be there for them. If whomever I'm with at that time can't deal with it, the door swings both ways.
 godfahduh
Joined: 11/19/2008
Msg: 6 (view)
 
Why not friends...then romance
Posted: 12/13/2008 1:59:35 PM
One possible reason is that women associate sex with love; the two are combined. Men separate the two. Another reason, and this is speaking from my own experience is that women don't seem to want to make the transition from friend to romantic friend. I'd bet that any man over the age of 25 has heard the "we're too good of friends, I don't want to mess that up" excuse too many times to count.
 godfahduh
Joined: 11/19/2008
Msg: 14 (view)
 
Best pick up lines
Posted: 12/2/2008 7:01:44 AM

I'd drag my balls thru a mile of broken glass just to finger **** your shadow."


That one actually made me tear up a little, from laughing so hard.
 godfahduh
Joined: 11/19/2008
Msg: 82 (view)
 
girls with high sex drive
Posted: 11/30/2008 4:13:31 PM
In conversations I've had with females my age, most have expressed an inconsistency with it all. I've been asked this question often, along with "how many dates is an okay number to have sex." While it may be that MOST men find a high sex drive on women to be unwelcome, I personally have never met one. That may be because men have some need to be all macho and talk trash when discussing it with other men, I don't know.

For myself, it's all about past experiences. Having left a loveless marriage, I've found myself more attracted to girls who make jokes with sexual innuendo, or give off some air of promiscuity. It's just my opinion, but I think most single men (in my age group) would love a sexually active partner ... just not on the first date.
 godfahduh
Joined: 11/19/2008
Msg: 4 (view)
 
Groping
Posted: 11/30/2008 3:31:18 PM

Groping in a way that's understood as welcome in a relationship is fine so long as it's not at inappropriate times...its only when it's from men I am not dating that I have a problem with it.


LOL I'm pro groping but would be totally put off if it happened in church.
 godfahduh
Joined: 11/19/2008
Msg: 3 (view)
 
Groping
Posted: 11/30/2008 3:29:08 PM

So your asking if it is a bad thing if in passing the man I am with walks past and shows a sign of attraction and interest? In what world is this bad? There is absolutely nothing wrong with being treated as a sexually desirable object on occasion, the problem only arises if that is all your seen as. I have no issue with something like that in fact it is invited and welcomed - and the guy better also be OK with getting the same treatment back when he isnt expecting it either.


I've asked in RL with female friends/acquaintances that are in my age group. The ratio so far has been like yours, but it hasn't been unanimous. I grew up watching my parents play grab ass. They're in their 70s now, and still do it. If it's NOT okay with girls, I'm wondering how their parents were when they were growing up.
 godfahduh
Joined: 11/19/2008
Msg: 1 (view)
 
Groping
Posted: 11/30/2008 2:28:09 PM
Use this scenario. You're in the kitchen doing whatever. Hubby/Boyfriend comes in and on his way by, he comes up behind you, goes under your shirt, over your bra, grabs a boob and starts kissing your neck. He kisses you on the cheek (lips if you turn towards him) and then he goes on about his chores. Is that affection to you? Does it make you feel good because he's saying he loves you and finds you sexually attractive? Or is he treating you like a piece of meat? Signaling that he wants sex later?
 godfahduh
Joined: 11/19/2008
Msg: 38 (view)
 
MEN DON'T GET MARRIED IN ORDER TO NOT HAVE SEX
Posted: 11/29/2008 2:23:56 PM

Sex is an expression of love. In fact, it is the expression of love that can only be shared between the spouses. I'm not saying that is the only way a spouse can express love. I am saying, people can give and receive love in many ways, and in relationships outside of marriage . . i.e. friends, family, etc. But the only form of love that friends, family, etc. cannot provide is sex. That is reserved for the spouse. That is the one form of love that they can share together and know that only they will share that together.

I don't know a single man who is being deprived of sex by his wife who has not addressed this with his wife. They do it in all forms. They try to be subtle and caress her and be tender in the morning, or at night. And nothing. They outright tell her they really would like to have sex. And nothing. They ask for it. And nothing. They suggest that maybe it's a mental thing and perhaps a doctor visit would help - - and that never goes over well.

The women I know who actually had a physical problem. It bothered them. It bothered them that they were in pain when they had sex and could not make it a pleasureable experience with their husbands. So, they went to the friggin' doctor and fixed it.

These wives aren't stupid. They know they are upsetting their husbands by withholding sex. Perhaps it is they who should open up and explain why. Perhaps when their husbands try to broach the subject with them or initiate sex, they should do something other than: roll over and flinch; tell them "they're not in the mood;" give them the silent treatment; make them feel like they are a nuisance in their bed. Basically all of the things that ultimately push someone further away.

The men I know are not barbaric rapists. And, were they good lovers pre-marriage and then just turned into crappy lovers overnight? I doubt it. How hard do they have to try to get a little nookie from their spouses? And then, when she finally "gives in" - do you really think it's satisfying for the man to get "pity-sex" from his own wife?

If these women feel as if their husbands just want to "use their bodies" for their own physical gratification - have they considered that pre-marriage, sometimes they did have sex purely for physical reasons, and other times it was more emotional? Now, when they're only getting it once a month, or whatever, and they're doing it with a resistant partner who doesn't even act like she wants to be there . . how emotional and passionate is it really going to be?

Once married, sex is the one thing you can share with your spouse, and your spouse alone. Why would someone not want to share that? And if you say it's because he doesn't dust enough and do the dishes - well, I think that's ridiculous.


Best. Reply. Ever.
 godfahduh
Joined: 11/19/2008
Msg: 40 (view)
 
sexual talk
Posted: 11/26/2008 8:53:40 PM
After living with a seriously frigid wife, and being made to feel like perv for wanting sex more than 4 times a year throughout my marriage, I refuse to fall in love with another frigid one. So sex as a subject of discussion will come up quick with me. Maybe that's why others post it in their profiles? Are they divorced men?
 
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