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 Author Thread: Do men ever...
 VeganDude
Joined: 11/20/2005
Msg: 85 (view)
 
Do men ever...
Posted: 12/19/2005 5:03:03 PM

Thanks Vegan and I appreciate your honesty.

No prob.


I'm learning that the men who speak for all men with broad generalizations are wishing all men were like them so that they wouldn't reveal themselves for the cads that they are

Hehe. Too funny! :D


They pretty much all say it is just a cluster of images- almost like a film strip. That actions and such are not fantasized about, only images.


I will say that the whole romantic fantasy thing is *tough*. It can be hard to play a story through in your head when hormones are on the lose. Often it can break down into those little film strips, but for me, they are rarely just still images. That tends to be rather boring. Usually it's a bunch of little film segments. And even if the fantasy doesn't actually follow a story line, there's almost always some sort of story "set-up" behind what's in my head, whether it's a closet at a party or a night at the beach. When I think of sex, it's not just pictures of boobs, butts, and ...
 VeganDude
Joined: 11/20/2005
Msg: 84 (view)
 
Do men ever...
Posted: 12/19/2005 4:51:31 PM


So I've changed, no more romance or mister nice guy. And guess what, I've never had so much luck ever since


Truth flows from my brothers mouth, you want to know why you don't hear us being romantic, because we know from painful experience what turns girls off ...

Women train men to be the way we are, we socialize each other with our acceptance and rejection, it ain't pretty but there you go.

What you think you want does not translate into sex for us. Time to bury this one before any one sees it, heh heh...


Disfunction feeds disfunction.

I'm sorry that you guys haven't had luck with it, but the majority of the women I've chosen to be involved with have greatly appreciated romance (there's one I'm not sure about, but that ended real quick like). It pays not to go after the shallow ones. Maybe you need to change what you use to determine who you pursue.
 VeganDude
Joined: 11/20/2005
Msg: 54 (view)
 
Do men ever...
Posted: 12/18/2005 10:48:40 AM
have sexual fantasies of a romantic nature?

*raises hand*

I have to side with da1udesire also. Anybody who speaks for all men (which automatically includes me) can take a leap. You can think what you want, but don't publicly speak for me. I have my own voice. Believing that you know what over a billion people think based on the few people you know is simply delusional.

Sure, the image of a hot woman will get the hormones going and turn me on, and sometimes thats all I want; but I find that having a story in mind can make it even more of a turn on. Sometimes the fantasy is "naughty", but for me, a romantic one is much more effective (especially the two combined). I'm not someone who just jumps into bed with a stranger, so I don't usually fantasize about that. Having a connection with my partner is very important, and that involves emotions. Since that is what is important to me, that's what I fantasize about.

Some guys just care about the sex. And since like tends to attract like, most of their friends will probably be same. An accurate sample of the male population this does not make. That would be like going into a party-centric frat house and using what you see there to judge a 10 year old Japanese school boy, a 60 year old Peruvian shaman, or any other guy, including me. There is something to be said for having a wide variety of friends.

And yes, I'm being honest, though what you believe is up to you.
 VeganDude
Joined: 11/20/2005
Msg: 2 (view)
 
Just one person's answer to a bunch of threads on this site
Posted: 12/14/2005 7:50:30 AM

I agree... but mannnn why are you typing so much X when you should be doing Y????

Not enough Z's.

-----

I didn't post this as an excuse to harp on people. Lumping together everyone who posts questions seems just as bad.
 VeganDude
Joined: 11/20/2005
Msg: 1 (view)
 
Just one person's answer to a bunch of threads on this site
Posted: 12/13/2005 10:32:50 PM
Every time I see one of these questions, I want to jump in, but since my answer is usually the same for all of them, I thought I would just plop it down here.

"Why are all X always Y?"

Fill in the gender, race, quality, mannerism, etc. of your choice.

That kind of question is based on a pretty grand, and I believe faulty, assumption. There are several billion people on this planet. Lumping a large number of them together based on just the few that a person knows seems rather silly. Even "Why are some X sometimes Y?" doesn't make a lot of sense to me. I think a more answerable question would be, "Why would someone do this?" or "Why would someone be this way?" I'll bet that something, when phrased that way, a lot of people could answer for themselves. Men aren't "a certain way". Neither are women. Sure, we can spot trends and such, but trying to figure out a small group of people based on these comes across as an exercise in futility. And the all of the of people we know do add up to only a small number of individuals.

As an example: "Why don't women ever respond to initial contacts?"

Well, there might be a few that don't ever, but it would seem silly to be on a site like this if that's the case, so I'm guessing there aren't many. And there will be some that always respond, even if it's just a polite "no thanks", but I think the majority will respond some of the time, and how often is going to vary.

So, why do some women sometimes not respond? Or better yet, "Why would someone not respond to an initial contact?" When I look at it like that, it's not too hard to come up with a list of possibilities.

But my take is that this often isn't what is really being asked. It's "Why have so many of the women I've contacted not responded to me?", or whatever the appropriate X and Y is, which is a bit harder to answer. I don't think it *is* answerable without asking the people directly involved, and you might get a different answer from each one, because they are all individuals.

I don't think people shouldn't ask questions, but I do think we should think about the questions we do ask. Are we really asking a question, or is it just a way to complain, or tell people how slighted we feel? Are we really looking for an answer?

I get the feeling that some people are really looking for ways to change things, which in my personal experience and observation doesn't really happen in cases like these. A person might find someone who's profile they like, or meet them in person, but then they do "Y", which really sucks. Asking "why?" and getting a bunch of possible reasons isn't going to give you a way to change that. It does pay to ask so that you can have a better understanding of what is behind it, but you can't change "Y". What I think is happening is that someone sees a person they think they would like, but there's the Y, and they want to find a way to make it go away so that person can be the one that they are looking for. Can't do it (at least that's my belief). You can't change other people.

What you can do is be honest about who you are and "ask" for what you are really looking for. If someone rejects you because of that, are they really the kind of person you want to be with? Unfortunately you just have to keep going, and that takes time.
 VeganDude
Joined: 11/20/2005
Msg: 17 (view)
 
Would you consider a relationship with someone that you aren't attracted to?
Posted: 12/12/2005 3:11:12 PM
I think the term "physically attracted" means enough different things to people that it's hard to get a yes or no answer without an explanation.

For me, attraction is based on a lot of different things. There are people that I consider "picture pretty" but usually don't generate much beyond a "oh, shiny!" type response. That alone isn't enough to be what I would call an attraction, especially if it's a picture with a neutral expression.

I would say that what people are calling "physical attraction", for me, usually comes from body language. How is she smiling? How does she walk? How does she hold herself, use her hands, and speak? This has a such a big impact that I can find an actress to be utterly adorable in one role, but she won't do much of anything for me in another. A lot of times these traits will come across in pictures, but not always.

Being "picture pretty" isn't important to me, but being attracted to the person is. That attraction is based on who she is. And yeah, without it, the relationships ends up being rather flat.
 VeganDude
Joined: 11/20/2005
Msg: 16 (view)
 
Are we outta our minds?
Posted: 12/12/2005 7:59:25 AM
In the past, I've met up with people from Windsor, Ottawa, Utah, Florida, etc, usually driving several hours because they were in the general region. All of my long-distance meetups have gone well, having e-mailed to some degree before hand, and they all were very cool women. I consider them all friends and am still in contact with some semi-regularly. Unfortunately I'm not comfortable with the idea of moving right now. When the other party feels the same, trying to take it to the next level is likely to be painful. So for the time being, I'm looking for someone local. It's funny, because most of the local people I've met first online are the ones I haven't clicked with in person (though one did become a serious relationship that lasted a little under a year). Actually, it seems to me to be women who are local that are more likely to not respond to an initial contact in the first place. I've found that people who are long distance are more likely to respond to me, but that's another thread not worth getting into. It does lead to a rock vs. hard place kind of thing, though.
 VeganDude
Joined: 11/20/2005
Msg: 56 (view)
 
would you date someone who is handicaped?
Posted: 12/10/2005 10:35:33 AM
I think someone mentioned that "handicapped" came from "cap in hand", referring to people who were forced to beg because no one would hire them because of their physical disabilities. According to here ( http://www.etymonline.com/index.php?search=handicapped ), it actually came from a betting game in the mid-1600's, and the current additional use of a medical style handicap came about in the early 1900's. Using it to mean an extra "encumbrance" works for me, and I think applies to me without insult. Labels can suck, but we're humans, so we use them. As long as others use their brains and consider the whole me, not just the label, I'm cool with that.
 VeganDude
Joined: 11/20/2005
Msg: 42 (view)
 
would you date someone who is handicaped?
Posted: 12/8/2005 3:06:22 PM

Love the old sayin.."What does not kill you...can only make you stronger"...

Kind of ties in with, "Don't wound what you cannot kill."
Er... Nevermind.

But yeah, I agree with the ability to grow being an imortant element to life.
 VeganDude
Joined: 11/20/2005
Msg: 2 (view)
 
A Chester McFisticuffs Adventure
Posted: 11/28/2005 3:31:17 PM
Good grief. This is not one of those "add a paragraph" things.
 VeganDude
Joined: 11/20/2005
Msg: 12 (view)
 
would you date someone who is handicaped?
Posted: 11/28/2005 12:46:47 PM
It's the way you did it. But that's fine. After seeing how you phrase things, I'm sure people in wheelchairs wouldn't have any reason to want to date you, either.
 VeganDude
Joined: 11/20/2005
Msg: 13 (view)
 
Please explain is this body language gone bad?
Posted: 11/28/2005 9:49:26 AM

he's probably just willing to wait as long as it takes to be sure. Some guys simply won't throw caution to the wind. Even if it means losing the opportunity to keep dating someone they really like.

Been there. Done that. It sucks. For me, it was the fear of offending and not wanting to be the jerk that I had always heard gals talk about.

Thankfully that's mostly in the past.
 VeganDude
Joined: 11/20/2005
Msg: 14 (view)
 
Who understands guys? I need advice.
Posted: 11/28/2005 9:42:13 AM
Sorry. That was unfair. My difference in opinion got in the way (I don't like roles).
 VeganDude
Joined: 11/20/2005
Msg: 12 (view)
 
Please explain is this body language gone bad?
Posted: 11/28/2005 9:39:15 AM
I don't consider a hug the same thing mainly because it's a conscious choice, where the kind of body language that I find most useful to read is unconscious. There can be many reasons for a conscious choice, as they are more calculated. An unconscious choice tends to be more universal.
 VeganDude
Joined: 11/20/2005
Msg: 10 (view)
 
Please explain is this body language gone bad?
Posted: 11/28/2005 9:18:14 AM
Heh. You'll have to ask that guy.

BTW, it's seems like a *lot* of people here assume the worst of the opposite sex. It's amazing. Sure, there may be some differences that divide the genders in some way, but the spread of individuality is so great that they become useless when trying to apply them to a specific person.
 VeganDude
Joined: 11/20/2005
Msg: 12 (view)
 
Who understands guys? I need advice.
Posted: 11/28/2005 9:09:13 AM
I'm not willing to go out with someone who isn't able to speak up about what they want, either.
 VeganDude
Joined: 11/20/2005
Msg: 8 (view)
 
Handicapped parking
Posted: 11/28/2005 9:05:26 AM

i love it when people diagnos someone parking in a space that's designated for handicap people simply because their disability is not visible.


Another good point. I look perfectly healthy and rather fit, and I can do without the cane if I'm just going in to grab take-out or the like. I'm sure people are thinking I'm using someone else's tag just to get close. Personally, I only use the spaces when there isn't a normal space suitably close. I'm guessing that will piss some people off too, as it means one less normal space free, but they'll just have to deal. There have been plenty of times when there have been no handicapped spots free during busy hours, so any fewer doesn't make sense. Forget about shopping during the holidays.
 VeganDude
Joined: 11/20/2005
Msg: 11 (view)
 
would you date someone who is handicaped?
Posted: 11/28/2005 8:55:09 AM

No I wouldn't. A handicapped person does not need me, I'm athletic and not at all into dating wheelchair occupants. I never come into contact with them, so I guess I know nothing about them. I need to be with an outdoors type who can keep up on a hike or a bike.


People are indiviuals. It all depends on the persons particular issue. "Handicapped" and "disabled" are not catchall phrases. I myself probably would not be able to keep up, and I'm not even in a wheelchair, but what about these guys?
http://www.murderballmovie.com/
I'll bet there are plenty of people here that *you* would have trouble keeping up with: http://caf.temp.powweb.com/
There are also these cycles available: http://www.cycle-n-sleep.co.uk/disabled.htm

I'm not saying you are wrong for wanting to be able to share activities that are important to you with your partner, but I do think you are lumping people together into a rather ignorant perception.
 VeganDude
Joined: 11/20/2005
Msg: 1 (view)
 
A Chester McFisticuffs Adventure
Posted: 11/27/2005 11:11:48 PM
Not sure how well this will "translate", but on another site we did this assignment thing to get the ideas flowing. For one, it was to write a short about looking for something. As a main character, I decided to use a friend of mine who's online persona was like a quirky old-style PI (and who happened to like to post MP3s of himself singing). So without further ado, I bring you...

A Chester McFisticuffs Adventure

Good morning, boys and girls. Welcome to the show. Things are not looking pretty at the moment; at least not from where I sit. I suppose "kneel" would be more accurate. Let's go over the sit-rep, shall we? On knees? Check. Hands shoved deep into empty pockets? Check. Gun pointed at head? Check. Can you say "Screwed the pooch?" Yeah, I knew you could. You make me so proud.

"Ow!"

Mustn't forget the two hoodlums. Check.

"Pay attention, Chesterino. I don't have time for your crap."

Jeesh. Can't a guy have a leisure conversation with himself?

"Ow! Alright, alright. I'm listening"

"What are you doing here?"

"You must like hearing me repeat myself. I'm looking for somethin'."

"Yeah, but you still haven't told me what it is you are looking for, now have you?"

"Well.... that's because I'm not going to."

Some people are so thick.

I feel the barrel of the gun slap me on top of the head from behind for the third time as a burly, bald-headed man steps into my line of sight, well out of reach. Everyone, meet Stewart. Stewart, this is everyone.

"What are you mumbling?"

"Nothing. So why the hell are you giving me the hassle? Did I walk in on a deal or somethin'?"

Stewart gives me a look. "Just answer the question."

I hear a grunt of agreement from behind me and another slap. "Yeah, let's get this finished. I'm gettin' hungry."

That would be Big Mike. If the man is all of five feet, then I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader. He's also pushing three hundred pounds, all of it muscle as far as I can tell. It's obscene, I tell you. From what I hear, it's a compensation thing.

"Look, Eddie has given me green-light to be a friendly neighbor, so why don't you two just go run along and try extorting milk-money from the school kids?"

"**** that. They pack these days. Besides, Eddie's out."

"Eddie's out? Since when?"

"Since Vegas."

"Ah."

Some people shouldn't gamble. These are usually the same people that shouldn't be trusted to deliver buy-money.

"So who's in?"

Stewart glances at Big Mike. "Parker."

Damn. Eddie was an okay guy. Not that we were friends, not by a long-shot, but we understood each other. I understood that Eddie was a greedy, backstabbing weasel, and Eddie understood that I was a guy that wanted to be in the know and occasionally had the money to pay for the privilege. Parker was just plain mean. Very mean.

"The one with the hair? Never liked the fellow. I'd really rather not meet him again."

"Then tell me why you are here."

"You won't believe me."

"Try me."

"Fine."

I take a deep breath and open my mouth, but Stewart has drawn a pistol of his own and is now pointing it at my stomach.

"So help me, Chester, if you start singing, I'll drill you myself!"

My lungs deflate. Damn. So much for my fifteen minutes. Not that I would have gotten a standing ovation from these guys: bad crowd.
Hey, if you don't like puns, go sit in someone else's head.

There's the crash and rattle of a garbage can lid hitting the pavement.

"I think what I was looking for may have found me."

A rather disheveled and smelly example of the feline persuasion saunters out from behind the cans and begins to transfer her new-found scent to my pant-leg. I slowly take my hands out of my pockets and pick her up, standing in the process.

"So, what do you say? Let bygones be bygones? No charge for the headache."

Stewart thinks a moment. "If I see you here again..."

"Yeah, yeah, I know. I'm cat food. I'm outa here."

I pause a moment and turn to Big Mike.

"Hey, Mike. I don't mean to be intrusive or anything, but there's something I've been meaning to ask you."

He raises an eyebrow as I hold out my hand.

"You think I could have my gun back?"
 VeganDude
Joined: 11/20/2005
Msg: 4 (view)
 
Please explain is this body language gone bad?
Posted: 11/27/2005 10:40:18 PM
I think it's silly to try and apply a single motive to an action. Everyone is different. There is no Standard Code of Dating Actions.

This hug thing certainly isn't the case for me.
 VeganDude
Joined: 11/20/2005
Msg: 10 (view)
 
Who understands guys? I need advice.
Posted: 11/27/2005 10:37:14 PM
I gotta say, I believe if you want something, you have to take responsibility and take some action yourself. You say that you aren't comfortable making the first move, but it sounds like he isn't either (and there could be lots of reasons why). So nothing is going to happen, even if you both like each other.
 VeganDude
Joined: 11/20/2005
Msg: 1 (view)
 
How to be special
Posted: 11/27/2005 8:51:17 AM
I know that there are people out there that try to be special, but just can't pull off the whole package. I thought I would post a helpful lesson taken from experience and observation.

Go out of your way to listen to the most obscure music possible. If you find someone who has heard of your favorite band from someplace other than you, or worse yet, actually listens to them, you must declare the group a "sell-out" and find a new favorite.

Play this music loudly and everywhere, so others may be aware of how avant-garde you are for listening to it.

Wear t-shirts with something both obscure and insulting printed on them, like a hand raising the middle finger with the Russian translation for "**** you!" below in Cyrillic, or even better, just the Japanese Kanji for "bottom-wiper".

Insult people and say that your are just following your honor code of being completely honest.

Follow a way of life that allows you to look down on others. Determine that anyone else who does not follow this way of life is both a Neanderthal and a corporate whore. If you meet someone else who follows this way of life, determine that they must be doing it for reasons less worthy than your own and are just a poser. Tell them so.

Preach about how this way of life is so much better than what everyone else is doing, but don't try to convert anyone. Converts would dilute the true meaning of the message and might tip it into the mainstream. Nothing is worse than letting the average Joe get a hold of any of your "specialness".

Swear a lot.

Come to the conclusion that the opposite sex has no higher brain functions and wish that you were gay. Come to the conclusion that your own gender has no higher brain functions and you must be a freak of nature. Blame your parents.

Hate everybody.

Write angst-ridden poetry about how the your parents suck, school sucks, your friends suck, your little brother really, really sucks, and how the fact that someone special who can see you for who you really are hasn't magically materialized in your bedroom sucks, and then wonder why no one reads it. Write about how much that sucks.

Whenever possible, lament that no one understands you.

Make lists of things that annoy you about other people. Mock them and pass it off as humor.


Hope that helps. ;)
 VeganDude
Joined: 11/20/2005
Msg: 177 (view)
 
Ninja of Suburbia
Posted: 11/27/2005 8:41:46 AM
Great stuff, chriscusak!

And thanks for the compliments, folks. Here's a link to those kits: http://www.magneticpoetry.com/


golden urn soiled
grandfather desecrated
by a confused cat
 VeganDude
Joined: 11/20/2005
Msg: 24 (view)
 
Are you REAL?
Posted: 11/26/2005 3:06:36 PM
"Negative. I am a meat popsicle."

I met some of my best friends long distance over the Internet. Most from another forum (WW's Soapbox), but some from another dating site. I haven't made any local connections on-line yet. Long distance romances are very difficult. Personally, I need face-to-face time for things to develop to that point, but that's why I say I'm looking for someone local in my profile. I've tried the other way for a long time, and while I haven't completely given up on the idea of developing something long-distance, I have for the time being.
 VeganDude
Joined: 11/20/2005
Msg: 5 (view)
 
Handicapped parking
Posted: 11/26/2005 1:26:50 PM
I think they accidentally got pruned when the troll posts got deleted.
 VeganDude
Joined: 11/20/2005
Msg: 170 (view)
 
This one's a bit risque
Posted: 11/26/2005 10:46:22 AM
a moment

a sway, and a smile
a gaze held a while

a chase, and a choice
the sound of her voice

a hug, and a hope
her neck's gentle slope

a song, and a sigh
his hand finds her thigh

a nibble, a nip
teeth upon the tip

a tug, and a twist
a slap on the wrist

a cling, a caress
a lift of her dress

a flick, a finger
the rush does linger

a lip, and a lick
his tongue is quite quick

a toss, and a tease
she plies him with ease

a touch, and a tongue
down his member hung

a moan, a murmur
as he grows firmer

a groan, and a grin
as she slides him in

a squeal, and a squirm
while her breasts held firm

a tweak, a tingle
their liquors mingle

a longing, a lust
fulfilled with his thrust

a burst, and a burn
for each in their turn

a deed, a delight
she glows in the light

a whisper, a word
which barely is heard

a feeling, a face
a sleeping embrace
 VeganDude
Joined: 11/20/2005
Msg: 169 (view)
 
Okay, I'll bite...
Posted: 11/26/2005 10:30:57 AM
alis kat my lady
you are much too kind
it is so nice to know
something something something something something-that-rhymes-with-"kind"

I have to say I'm also a fan of bernard's, but I have much too learn. ;) Lots of great stuff here.

I do enjoy that little kit. There's something about restrictions that can spur on creativity.
 VeganDude
Joined: 11/20/2005
Msg: 167 (view)
 
The Hand
Posted: 11/26/2005 10:04:24 AM
The Hand

I wander the mist
of what is between
as I strain to glimpse
that which is unseen

the path before me
is narrow and tight
the air is thick
I carry no light

ghosts hover and dance
deep in that strange mist
shapes that frolic so
and cavort and twist

and a sound I hear
from out of the gloom
voices of laughter
of mirth and my doom

"What, ho!" I let shout
"would you have me for?"
and then ... silence
for they sing no more

no weapon on hand
and no charm nor spell
helpless against them
if they nay meant well

a sheen to my side
brighter than the rest
takes form of a man
in his courtly best

from behind his mask
he spies with one eye
the other is dead
shriveled and dry

he offers his hand
clad crimson and white
and all I can do
is nay run in fright

"A good draw, my friend."
he says with a grin
"With me at your hand,
you are sure to win."

and with that he does step
right off of the path
I follow meekly
for I fear his wrath

as the howls come
followed by their hosts
the knight does reply
with jabs and boasts

his arm sweeps a pass
through the forming hoard
leaving behind naught
but his gleaming sword

then out of the dark
steps the knight's own twin
not trimmed in scarlet
but obsidian

they clash with a roar
with thunder, with steel
neither can gain ground
in this even deal

"Low or high this hand,
I need you in play!"
the red knight did shout
as I saw him sway.

with courage unbidden
I leapt to his side
empty hands at best
bards could sing, "He tried..."

but the ruse paid well
as the twin did shift
he dubbed me a threat
let his swordpoint drift

before I can blink
the dark twin falls dead
the white of his cloth
turning a bright red

the knight points his sword
to a trail yonder
"Now take this way home.
Don't pause to ponder."

only a short jaunt
and now I am free
and see my dear home
standing before me

as I splash my face
beside a cool stream
I begin to doubt
was it naught but dream?

my eyes are drawn down
cards tucked in my belt
the Jack and the Ace
the hand I was dealt
 VeganDude
Joined: 11/20/2005
Msg: 166 (view)
 
Okay, I'll bite...
Posted: 11/26/2005 9:58:44 AM
Some cheesy stuff while playing with a magnetic poetry set:

An old kiss
a naked eye
I always
remember why

---

you – me
you – me
you – we
were

---

sail away sister
the magic dies tonight
in the belly of the fire god

---

the porcelain angel
cuts her circles
in the broken ice

---

her translucent laugh lingers
haunting me
a ghost of the questions
never asked
 VeganDude
Joined: 11/20/2005
Msg: 16 (view)
 
Mass mailers
Posted: 11/26/2005 9:14:56 AM
I love it when they say; " your profile interested me"....

Hmmm... I wonder what part... *shakes head*.... DUMBA$$ES


I've sent a message that said that. I don't send a lot of messages, but as dreamsource said, the majority do get ignored, involved and detailed or not (just joined here, but I've been on other sites). I do try to bring something personal into the message and make it uniquely about her; the interest is about her, after all. I don't carpet-bomb. But when most of your messages don't get a response, I find it makes more sense to keep things simple. You don't even know the person, after all. Getting in-depth in the first contact can set up expectations of a response, and often it's the general feel for the person that attracts my interest, not something specific in the profile.

I do my best not to be bitter about it, but it is frustrating. Being ignored sucks. I do understand that women tend to get a lot of messages, so I understand why they don't respond to every e-mail. It must get tiring getting loads of propositions from jerks asking for sex or sending photos of body parts. You probably get burned out and just don't answer anyone who doesn't interest you, including the polite ones. The same goes for the other way. A lot of guys get burned out from having messages they might have spent a lot of time on being ignored, so they keep things simple. If you want an involved opener, then people need to respond to every polite one with at least a "Thanks, but I'm not interested."
 VeganDude
Joined: 11/20/2005
Msg: 5 (view)
 
would you date someone who is handicaped?
Posted: 11/25/2005 8:39:47 AM

This probably is the right place to complain but it is annoying to see all those empty handicpped spaces. I don;t think it would hurt the handicapped to wheel a few extra yards. It is good exercise. None of us get enough exercise. i've been seeing the doctor for bad nerves but they declined to provide me with a handicapped sticker which really really pissed me off.


Oi! I don't want to sidetrack this thread any more, so...
http://forums.plentyoffish.com/datingPosts2544892.aspx
 VeganDude
Joined: 11/20/2005
Msg: 1 (view)
 
Handicapped parking
Posted: 11/25/2005 8:37:55 AM
I didn't want to sidetrack hound9164's thread ( http://forums.plentyoffish.com/datingPosts2541233.aspx ), but I wanted to respond to burroughs's comment, as it isn't an uncommon attitude.


This probably is the right place to complain but it is annoying to see all those empty handicpped spaces. I don;t think it would hurt the handicapped to wheel a few extra yards. It is good exercise. None of us get enough exercise. i've been seeing the doctor for bad nerves but they declined to provide me with a handicapped sticker which really really pissed me off.


If there are empty spaces, that means they are working. If they were always full, that means more would be needed. There are lots of different reasons to get a handicapped parking sticker, and not all involve a person in a wheelchair that has a fully mobile upper body. Take someone with Multiple Sclerosis. Fatigue is a very big factor, and no amount of exercise is going to overcome it. People with MS get tired very easily, but not everyone ends up in a wheelchair. In fact, it can be very difficult to get coverage for a chair if you are able to walk at all, even if you are unable to continue after half a block.

In my own case, I can go shopping, and when I do I bring my cane, but I'm really thankful for that close parking place. I have a limited amount of energy, and I'd rather spend it on something I care more about than walking halfway across a parking lot. It might not seem like a big deal to people who haven't experienced it, but that's why I am replying to this. It's not always about immediate physical need to be close to the entrance. With handicapped parking, I can get more done in a day that needs to be done. Trust me, if I could trade this crap for always parking in the farthest place from the entrance, I would.

(This week my niece and nephew are in town. I am thankful that I get to play with them, but it does mean I have to pay a price for it. *That* is something that is worth it.)

And then there are things like how rain, snow, and ice can make a parking lot particularly dangerous for someone with mobility difficulties. People who have handicapped tags have enough shite to deal with. Do others really get jealous enough of the parking spaces to want to take them away? Obviously so, considering the ones that park there anyway.

What I find telling is that right after you complain about the spaces being there, you say that you are pissed about not being able to get a tag to use them. Is the exercise you are getting helping your bad nerves?

Sorry to others if that came across as a rant. The comment just hit a sore spot.
 VeganDude
Joined: 11/20/2005
Msg: 28 (view)
 
Average guy is asked out by very wealthy woman... Go? Not Go?
Posted: 11/24/2005 10:24:47 PM
I'd go. If nothing else, you'll learn something.
 VeganDude
Joined: 11/20/2005
Msg: 3 (view)
 
would you date someone who is handicaped?
Posted: 11/24/2005 9:57:52 PM
Hooray for the parking! ;)

I partially agree with AbH about the chances to meet the right person. I don't see mine as any less than before, as the kind of person I want to be with hasn't changed. Even without this challenge, I didn't want to date someone who couldn't see past one. I do think that does narrow down the field, though. There are a number of people who aren't up to it.

I have to say, I like your profile. You sound like a vivacious and caring person. The guy you chose to be with is going to be a lucky dude.
 VeganDude
Joined: 11/20/2005
Msg: 14 (view)
 
Ok, I am thoroughly confused!
Posted: 11/24/2005 9:17:44 PM
Similar to what others have said, I believe it's all in those words, "I don't know."

I think it comes down to deciding if waiting for her to figure it out is worth the pain and frustration. It also brings up the question: if she finally does decide that she likes you, how many other things will she be this conflicted on?
 VeganDude
Joined: 11/20/2005
Msg: 43 (view)
 
What is confidence??
Posted: 11/23/2005 10:51:21 PM
No problem. It's the training that I envy. Well, the end result. The stuff you have to do after is just plain scary. I don't always agree with the orders you folks get, but my hat goes off to you all for stepping up.
 VeganDude
Joined: 11/20/2005
Msg: 90 (view)
 
WOMEN and MEN ... would you like to date deaf people??
Posted: 11/23/2005 10:33:30 PM
ilove2smile, I agree that there would be a challenge, but we all tend to bring some challenge or another to the table. It's all part of the package deal; the general challenge of the relationship. I'd have no issue with deafness, but I don't seek it out. It's just part of a person or it isn't. I don't seek out or avoid people with glasses, either. ;)

I already know some sign language (very little; I remember the dirty words best), but would love to learn more, even if I don't date someone deaf. Speaking of gestures, I've amused a couple of casual friends with my tendency to fill in with "descriptive" gestures, since I don't know enough yet.

Once a person knows sign, I consider not signing while speaking around a deaf person to be rather rude.

No embarrassment. There can be some awkwardness in new social situations, hearing or not, but I would want to be a part of her group of friends and have her a part of mine. Hopefully they would end up overlapping to some degree.
 VeganDude
Joined: 11/20/2005
Msg: 41 (view)
 
What is confidence??
Posted: 11/23/2005 9:38:18 PM
I really like several of the posts in here which echo my own views, including (but not limited to) la loba's first, sorka's mention of discernment coming with experience, and HappyCanuck's about it not being a thing you can just manifest. It's an interesting topic.

I've always envied the SEALS for the training they've gone through. Yeah, it's hell, but talk about a forge! I'll bet there's not a lot that throws them for a loop.

Frazzled office worker: "We've got to get these numbers compiled and to the main office before five or we lose the Johnson account!"
Ex-SEAL co-worker: "I once killed a shark with my toenail clippings."

A lot of things just aren't a big deal any more.

For myself, I found that there were two types of confidence: internal and social. I knew I was smart, could teach myself something new in a very short time, and then become very good at it. I had extremely high confidence in myself as far as getting certain things done in a manner that I would be proud of. I had very little confidence, however, that anyone aside from myself would be happy with it. I knew I could do things the way I wanted to, but I had a lot of negative feedback, and it felt like I could never do anything right growing up. I took it to heart and it took a long time for me to stop worrying so much about what others thought and to believe compliments again.

So I considered myself confident in a way I think many others do, but it's not the kind of confidence that shows up in a social situation. It's the social kind that tends to be attractive. Confidence is not arrogance or disregard for others, but it *is* not letting what others think be the driving force behind who you are.

Here's another idea for a definition:

There was a professor of psychology who told his students a story. It was of a man invited to a dinner also attended by many important and illustrious persons. Amidst the finery worn by his fellow attendees, the man shows up in a comfortable sweatshirt and blue jeans. He mingles a great deal, spending time at the bar, the dining table, and on the dance floor. He never appears embarrassed or to even acknowledge the many incredulous looks he received during the entire evening. "What," asks the professor, "did this man think about the way he was dressed as compared to the others?"

There were many answers from the students: the man wanted to be an individual; he wanted to show that he didn't care what others thought; he didn't realize that there was a dress code and put on a brave face; he wanted to thumb his nose at the stodgy pretence of the upper class and cause a buzz...

"Wrong, wrong, wrong," responded the professor.

"He didn't think about it *at all*."
 VeganDude
Joined: 11/20/2005
Msg: 4 (view)
 
i like this woman....
Posted: 11/22/2005 10:00:47 PM
I don't think there's anything to be jealous of. It sounds like you two are just starting to make contact.

A couple of questions you might want to ask yourself: Are you falling in love with the idea of going out with her? It can be pretty easy to fill in the blanks when forming a picture of someone. It's human nature and how we function in the world. It can cause a lot of problems in a relationship, however. Especially one where you are just meeting the other person.

Second, do you want a relationship so badly that you might be feeling a little possessive? Unless there is an agreement to exclusivity, I don't think there is any reason for someone not to continue to use their profile.

I apologize if that's not the case. I just think a lot of self examination is in order with something like this.
 VeganDude
Joined: 11/20/2005
Msg: 3 (view)
 
photography?
Posted: 11/21/2005 9:53:52 AM
I agree with some of the above posters: discretion is a must! If you are looking to have pictures done, make sure you trust the photographer (partner included). Some guys think that having a camera and calling themselves a photographer is an easy way to seduce someone. Sites like OneModelPlace now require a paid membership from photographers because of these clowns. Something that can help in a big way is bringing a chaperone. If the photographer hesitates at all, beware. Probably not as much an issue for guys looking to have pictures done, but it still pays to be careful.

I'm not sure if I would pose for someone else unless I was involved with them. If she wasn't a photographer and wanted some images, I'd probably just take them myself, even though self portraits can be a pain. I've done a couple of nude sessions as a photographer, both with people I was intimate with at the time. The first I gave all the pics and negs to when she left. I wasn't too happy with her at the time, but it was the right thing to do. I'm friends with the second women, so she doesn't mind that I have them on record. She's on the fence about any sort of public display at this point, though. I won't even show them to anyone without her permission.

For those interested in using photography in a relationship, you might want to check out this book: Erotic Home Photography
http://search.barnesandnoble.com/booksearch/isbnInquiry.asp?isbn=1552979563
There are lots of others out there if you are interested in the more technical aspects of nudes, such as lighting or poses.

Personally, I'd like to do more nude sessions, strictly from the photography angle. I love photography, and I think nudes go well with my style. I wouldn't be comfortable doing any sex photography as a gig, though. I don't see anything wrong with it in concept, but that's not something I'd be keen on.
 VeganDude
Joined: 11/20/2005
Msg: 57 (view)
 
Know Any Good Acoustic Guitar Songs?
Posted: 11/21/2005 9:01:22 AM
I don't know about begin simple to play, but you might want to check out some of the California Guitar Trio.
 VeganDude
Joined: 11/20/2005
Msg: 20 (view)
 
touchy subjects
Posted: 11/21/2005 8:48:45 AM
[quote="sparda7]do you think it would be possible to have a great relationship with someone that you agree with on all other things except for their views on race, religion or politics?

I think it would be very difficult. I think such things point to compatibility much more than hobbies, tastes, and the like. I recently lost a friend when I called him on what I thought were racists remarks about "those Mexicans". He didn't see it that way and was, in his words, incensed. A good number of people who make remarks like that don't consider them racists because they often see them as "the truth". It's a view that's part of their reality.

I don't have a strongly held religious belief, other than being nervous about a belief in something based solely on belief. But for someone with a deep conviction of a specific god (or gods), their religion is part of their everyday life. If their partner doesn't share in their religion, they aren't really sharing in their life. That's going to be a show-stopper from day one for many people. I try to approach things using fuzzy logic, rather than true or false. That isn't going to jive to well with some who believes that there is such a thing as "the truth", and that they have personal access to it. I'm not going to be very comfortable with them, either.

Politics is another one that infuses a person's daily life, and their political views stem from their personal outlook. Do they think society has an obligation to look after each other, or is it every person for themself? Does that responsibility extend past borders, and if so, in what form? Are our natural resources a bounty for us to use as we please now, or do we have an obligation to future generations? These are big questions that often extend from how we deal with people in our own little circle of contacts.

Even being open-minded doesn't guarantee compatibility. It's one thing to be accepting of another's beliefs and feel that you have no right to interfere with them. It's another to want to live with those beliefs.


As for your profile, yeah, there will be people that get freaked out about even the mention of someone like Allister Crowley (for instance), but then they probably aren't someone you want as a mate, anyway. You are being truthful about your beliefs and interests in your profile, and I think that's cool. I believe it's the truth that will get you what you want, instead of having to deal with a lot of painful misfires.
 VeganDude
Joined: 11/20/2005
Msg: 10 (view)
 
Too nice
Posted: 11/20/2005 7:44:18 PM
I think this is the source of the "nice guys finish last" thing. For many, there's a big difference between treating a lady with respect and agreeing with everything she says. Confidence is sexy to many people (even if it scares them). Confident women tend to attract the most attention, but in return tend to want a confident guy. A "nice guy" (the kind of guy described above who just agrees with everything, won't make waves, and seems overly worried about what she thinks of him) will often see a man that boldly walks up and starts talking with a confident women, and maybe even shares a conflicting opinion with her, as not-a-nice-guy. How dare he just intrude on her like that? And it feels even worse when she returns his attention.

That bold guy is often nice himself; he just has confidence, in addition. Sure, there are loud-mouthed jerks, but the confident women tend to reject them along with the "too nice" guys.

Yes, I speak from "too-nice guy" experience. I was the guy who would never speak up out of fear masquerading as "respect". It's a big mental shift to make, but an important one. Being bold doesn't have to equal being a jerk. It's about being yourself, and sharing yourself truthfully with the other person; not presenting them with who you think they want to be. I can still get nervous around women I'm attracted to, but the more often I am bold (true to myself) the easier it gets.
 
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