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 Author Thread: Another chance?
 Softy599
Joined: 11/20/2005
Msg: 35 (view)
 
Another chance?
Posted: 9/2/2015 8:09:59 PM
Inner...... I find that many do use lateness as a form of control. But I do know many who are just completely absentminded. I've just dealt with a possible narcisstic man and am not going to waste time seeing if this one has similar issues. Being late due to traffic is one thing, the final late was totally uncalled for.

Norweigan, I answered just about all that since my original post.
 Softy599
Joined: 11/20/2005
Msg: 31 (view)
 
Another chance?
Posted: 9/1/2015 4:56:39 PM
I guess all I can say at this point is, the connection wasn't strong enough for me to let it go. As for having a talk about it? Why? People who are late and disregard others don't change.

I have made no contact and neither has he. He said he was sorry and left it at that. Obviously he wasn't feeling to strongly.
 Softy599
Joined: 11/20/2005
Msg: 26 (view)
 
Another chance?
Posted: 8/31/2015 6:58:44 AM
There seems to be two kinds of people. Those who are late and think it's no big deal and those who are NOT late and it's an issue.

However, being a little late is one thing. Notifying someone 10 minutes prior to a date that you need to postpone for possibly 2 hours? That's beyond late.

It is odd, 5 dates in...... I also assumed he was interested. Oddly he even invited me to go with him on a family vacation, which I of course declined. I think he just felt he had to invite Me? Not sure why? I'm going to jamaica in 2 weeks and didn't feel compelled to invite him. It's all just strange to me but I've grown tired of figuring people out.
 Softy599
Joined: 11/20/2005
Msg: 22 (view)
 
Another chance?
Posted: 8/31/2015 4:07:11 AM
Thanks for all the thoughts.

Oh I thought about turning the table on him but then seriously? This is how I want to start things off in a possible relationship? No, not really.

Someone mentioned communication issues because I didn't know when he was coming home. Why do I even need to know such things? All that mattered was when we would meet.

In the end, he doesn't seem to bothered. I got one I'm sorry text. My vote, I was second. Someone else put out first. 😬😬😬

Inner gorilla, if you see this, could you explain your comment on emotional abuse. Is this something you have dealt with personally?
 Softy599
Joined: 11/20/2005
Msg: 11 (view)
 
Another chance?
Posted: 8/30/2015 7:17:07 PM
Igor, I said 'meeting/dates' because first was a meet and I'm not really sure when one starts to say it's a date. Lol

The dates were not at unusual times. A few in the evening. The fifth would be the second Sunday afternoon date. He spent the weekend with a friend out of town. I thought he said he'd be home Saturday night. But I don't drill him on what he's doing. He owns a car. And this get together was to meet at a local art festival then eat out or perhaps at my house. He's never been to my home. We also have not jumped into the sack. Not my style. When he texted, 10 minutes prior to when we were to meet, he was just leaving his friends house, in another state. It would have been awhile till he'd get to me. I'm assuming not in time for the festival.

Your theory about being second string was a huge thought in my head. We are hardly at a point where I would expect him to date only me though.

The other late times were traffic related. Well, one traffic, one golf ran late. I just remembered that.
 Softy599
Joined: 11/20/2005
Msg: 8 (view)
 
Another chance?
Posted: 8/30/2015 6:12:40 PM
The first two times were traffic related. This time I feel was total disregard.

I guess I was thinking I was being to harsh.

Thanks!

Btw.....women, this is the perfect case of actions speak louder then words. He would say the sweetest things, miss you, can't wait to see you......ect.
 Softy599
Joined: 11/20/2005
Msg: 1 (view)
 
Another chance?
Posted: 8/30/2015 5:39:56 PM
Met a man on here.....had 4 meetings/dates so far. Talk regular via text. First two dates he was late. Next two he wasn't. Fifth date was planned to meet at noon. After sending two texts prior, I hear back 10 minutes till noon that he got held up at a friends house and could we meet much later? I said no. He said he was sorry.

Would you give another chance?
 Softy599
Joined: 11/20/2005
Msg: 22 (view)
 
Cheating boyfriend caught?!
Posted: 8/24/2015 5:28:11 PM
What are the other red flags?
 Softy599
Joined: 11/20/2005
Msg: 6 (view)
 
Found old used condom
Posted: 8/4/2015 9:48:33 AM
She believes it should be dried up after this long. Sorry I didn't word things correctly.

In other words, it 'looked fresh'.

also, it doesn't take digging in the trash to see things.
 Softy599
Joined: 11/20/2005
Msg: 1 (view)
 
Found old used condom
Posted: 8/3/2015 8:09:20 PM
A friend found in the trash a used condom..... Meaning it still had semen in it.

Male says its left over from the last time they had sex, 5days ago.

Anyone ever have old used condom in trash for 5 days and the semen was still in it.

She is skeptical.

Thoughts?
 Softy599
Joined: 11/20/2005
Msg: 129 (view)
 
PROBLEM with stepkid
Posted: 7/12/2015 6:37:39 PM
I dated a man for three years off and on who didn't parent his child. Between the loss of respect, the lack of time we could spend together, ect. It ended.

However, you are married, so I'm sure you don't want to just walk away. Please tell him how this makes you feel. You can't make him do anything but if he respects you and your marriage, he WILL take action.

Or not.

Then You have to decide what you can live with.

I just saw the update......

Wow.
 Softy599
Joined: 11/20/2005
Msg: 22 (view)
 
Divorce and the child
Posted: 9/2/2014 8:07:10 AM
Her own life? Well, most kids are out being social and working weekends or playing sports. She has one, maybe two friends and hardly ever does anything that doesn't involve mom or dad. She isn't going to leave her mom and go away for college either. After high school she may decide to just stay at moms house full time.
 Softy599
Joined: 11/20/2005
Msg: 20 (view)
 
Divorce and the child
Posted: 9/1/2014 9:04:36 PM
Thanks again for the continued replies and different perspectives.

Someone commented that I should stop spending lots of time with my BF when he has her. Again, I will say, I do not. At the most, 1 evening and/or one sleepover. Here in the summer/fall it is normally one evening as I go away on weekends often. That being said, I offered to not come at all when he has her and he was adamant that wasn't the answer.

We have decided to talk to a therapist about the best way to proceed. It was mentioned that communication seems to be an issue between them. Oh yes, it truly is. The dynamic between mom-dad-daughter is bizarre. But there is nothing I can do about that.
 Softy599
Joined: 11/20/2005
Msg: 12 (view)
 
Divorce and the child
Posted: 8/31/2014 8:15:03 AM
It appears his thoughts that she was told about the divorce was wrong.

She was upset because he naps after work but in her eyes, if I come over for dinner, he doesn't. Actually he does, I just wake him up. She doesn't know this because she doesn't get home till 6-6:30. I wake him up so we can start cooking and dinner is ready when she gets home. But she says he isn't there when she needs to talk. Never mind Friday we sat outside waiting for her to get home, she even ignored a text dad sent. She comes home, goes to her room and we were outside and never knew it.

I asked him why this triggered at that moment? He doesn't know.

Someone asked why we had t spoken yet and that we must not be close. He had his daughter so couldn't talk to me in private till last night. This isn't the sort of thing you discuss via texting. Or at least we don't. Lol
 Softy599
Joined: 11/20/2005
Msg: 10 (view)
 
Divorce and the child
Posted: 8/30/2014 2:02:53 PM
"This reads like you perceive she is resenting You for things He had done. If he agrees it's really completely only things that only he did; and if he wanted to; he could tell her (without getting specific) that it's more complex than you being a baddy, to blame for hurting his feelings."

No, it wouldn't guarantee anything if she knew exactly why the break up happen. She's been this way all along.

Communication is all but impossible. He says she won't talk. She has said it does no good to talk. It really makes me sad. He didn't want to rock the boat to much before the divorce got final for fear ex wife would get vicious and want more money. Could just be excuses to avoid conflict, however that doesn't seem to be panning out well.

The other night, I was present during a conversation between the two. (Daughter and father) Nothing out of the ordinary, she was upset about a situation at work. He asked a few questions then agreed her best course of action was to look for another job. She then proceeds to tell her mom that he accused her of something. Mom calls BF, BF clarifies that wasn't the case and in the meantime daughter is saying she was just blowing steam?!? Uh, she lied. To stir the pot between mom and dad.

I don't even know what to think of that. Sorry to say, my daughter who is 23 never had that chance to play these games as her dad passed away at a young age. She had always been fine with men I've dated, no hostility. So this is all new to me.

I also don't jeopardize all their time. We've always kept that minimal. I've even offered to not spend anytime with him while she is there but he said that isn't the answer.
 Softy599
Joined: 11/20/2005
Msg: 9 (view)
 
Divorce and the child
Posted: 8/30/2014 1:51:59 PM
Thanks for the replies. I will write more when I find out for sure what exactly triggered her last night. Dad assumes she was told of the divorce......he could be wrong.

My profile is far from active. It is hidden from searches. The only people who can see it....are you here at the forum. So no, she didn't see my profile. My BF knows it's on here because I come to the forums. I haven't bothered to delete all the wording because, frankly, I don't care what it says. I've gotten 2 emails from other members in the past two years.....people who I've known from here.

But thanks for the scolding. Perhaps I should just makemthe changes. Lol
 Softy599
Joined: 11/20/2005
Msg: 1 (view)
 
Divorce and the child
Posted: 8/30/2014 6:45:25 AM
I'll try to keep this brief. Been with BF for 2.5 years. He has a 17 year old. She has gone through times she seemed to be warming up to me then BAM, she doesn't like me again. Me and BF had some issues and took a break early this year. It was a mutual thing but was brought on by some things he had done to hurt the relationship. We are working on it. He can't tell her the reasons for this break we took but she saw his pain and now she really dislikes me.

However, although he has been separated from his wife for 5-6 years, their divorce just became final. We think she was told this last night, via text by the ex.....while the three of us were together. She became upset, looked to be crying in the car and when we got to his house he asked her what was wrong and she said nothing, I don't want to talk about it. I left so he could speak to her alone. Still waiting to find out how that went.

Anyone deal with this? Her parents have been apart for so long. I've not been the first GF her dad has had either. Is this a normal reaction?
 Softy599
Joined: 11/20/2005
Msg: 22 (view)
 
FWB is it possible
Posted: 12/2/2013 12:43:31 PM
Since you clarified you only wanted to shag, not a FWB, it's clear. Do it.

FWB can work great. Both parties agree on it, there must be trust if you agree to sleep with no one else. But yes, someone or both will fall but may not want a relationship regardless. Then you move on.
 Softy599
Joined: 11/20/2005
Msg: 58 (view)
 
Difficulty with a 16 year old
Posted: 12/1/2013 5:06:06 PM
It's been a while since I posted here.

In the past few weeks, we have had limited time together for various reasons. We did have one dinner out, the three of us, and it went well. He has not told her that I know what she said, which I hadn't known at the beginning. Hopefully that will help her not feel awkward if her comment was just made because she was in a bad mood at the time.

It is hard for me, knowing she said that, especially after it appeared things were going well, to hang out and pretend things are fine. I'm not one to ignore a situation in the hopes it goes away. I'm respecting dads wishes to not bring it up though.

Time will tell how this all plays out. Thanks again for the feedback.
 Softy599
Joined: 11/20/2005
Msg: 57 (view)
 
Difficulty with a 16 year old
Posted: 11/4/2013 7:09:29 AM
Why it seems a bit complex is that she has warmed up to me, things were going ok. Even when I first met her, she didn't say she didn't want me around. Yet a year later she is changing her tune.

No we are not backing down but if for a small amount of time she needs some space and Dad thinks it will help, we will do it. However, he doesn't feel that is whatis needed.

And I will say yet again, I do not spend every night there. 2 evenings during that week at the most, sometimes one. One week night, one evening. Often time the weekends I am out of town and don't see them at all.
 Softy599
Joined: 11/20/2005
Msg: 54 (view)
 
Difficulty with a 16 year old
Posted: 11/3/2013 4:54:34 PM
I can't really answer that. My only experience to date is me at 16 and my daughter at 16. She wouldn't have acted this way and nor did I when at 16-17 my parents divorced and within a year my dad moved a new girlfriend in.

But every kid is different. In the end, me and Dad love each other and will work things out.
 Softy599
Joined: 11/20/2005
Msg: 52 (view)
 
Difficulty with a 16 year old
Posted: 11/3/2013 2:32:27 PM
Update: me and Dad have spoken a bit about this. I left it all up to him to decide how to proceed, as I think I've mentioned in follow up posts. He did tell her she needs to get over it. His thinking, and this is coming from the man who knows her personality and as he said, she does tend to be selfish at times, is that if he gives in to her, where will it end.

Someone just mentioned that he only has her every other weekend. No, he has her every other week, the full week. She is also there after school on her off week till her mom gets off work. Regardless, we have kept my time there very minimal. I told him if he thinks it best to reduce it even more, we will.

He will continue to try to figure out what may be going on. But if she won't open up, there isn't much he can do.

So time will tell.
 Softy599
Joined: 11/20/2005
Msg: 36 (view)
 
Difficulty with a 16 year old
Posted: 10/26/2013 2:07:10 PM
Wow mustang, you called that one. Yes, he is one to avoid confrontation. He did talk to her though and also about another issue where she will go behind his back and change plans with mom. Leaving him out of the loop. She did it today and I think she did it because he confronted her. Geez.

I'm hugely into sticking to my boundries. That got more important in my business life and crossed over to personal stuff. So his always wavering is a bit annoying. But it also makes me step out from my comfort zone. Sometimes. Lol
 Softy599
Joined: 11/20/2005
Msg: 35 (view)
 
Difficulty with a 16 year old
Posted: 10/26/2013 2:01:41 PM
Thanks. In a sense this was about me. This situation is new to me. I've never been with a man, serious, with a child that was 16. So I'm sure it did come off that way.

With all the replies, I am able to see this isn't uncommon. I'm still at odds as to why it is almost OK. I'll process all I read. This is why I posted.

But I do care about her or I wouldn't be bothered by her change towards me. It sucks, I was just telling some friends of Dads, who I've become close to, how good it was going. These friends warned me from the beginning that it would take a while for her to warm up to me. S they were very happy too and noticed a difference when seeing us together. Now I feel we are back to square one.
 Softy599
Joined: 11/20/2005
Msg: 32 (view)
 
Difficulty with a 16 year old
Posted: 10/26/2013 1:35:56 PM
Goodness, I was using mine as an example. I can assure you, my kid is not better then his. They are completely different and trust me, he knows very well of the mistakes I've made. He can agree that she is not spoiled. I was just pointing out to him that just because a child is an only child does not justify 'spoiling'.

We offer suggestions to each other about our kids, that is all. We have always done that. Do we always do as the other suggests? No. But we listen to each other.

One idea we kicked around briefly concerning her change in attitude:

She's of an age where sexual feelings are there. But she has no boys, doesn't talk to them, she said they don't talk to her. She could be very frustrated and maybe a bit jealous of the relationships around her? Not sure of that. Ideas?
 Softy599
Joined: 11/20/2005
Msg: 31 (view)
 
Difficulty with a 16 year old
Posted: 10/26/2013 1:18:57 PM
Theme, because people ask questions. And if I included everything off the bat, it would have been a book.

Sorry! I thought I said enough but then the questions and need to clarify. I often think that same thing when I read other threads here. Lol
 Softy599
Joined: 11/20/2005
Msg: 30 (view)
 
Difficulty with a 16 year old
Posted: 10/26/2013 1:14:36 PM
John, yes I have told him how I feel. I get the impression he's rather just not fight her. He told me today that yes she is spoiled and said, well, she's an only child. I said so is mine. He said, well, I'm the dad. I said so was my dad and he loved me but did not spoil me. :). He spoils her now because when the marriage was falling apart, he was not around and now he lives with regret. I told him in the years since, he has made that up to her and while she might still hold resentment for it, she will eventually know that her dad and mom are not perfect and messed up. We are all human.

Her parents offered therapy to her at some point. She said no. Not sure if its good to push a kid into therapy or not. I pushed mine to go after her dad passed away and it was useless. Now she would love to have the money to go.
 Softy599
Joined: 11/20/2005
Msg: 27 (view)
 
Difficulty with a 16 year old
Posted: 10/26/2013 12:55:04 PM
Her behavior in general has not changed. This depression, lack of friends, it's her whole life. Ive suggested her parents pursue treatment for her. So yes, i do have compassion. But I can't do anything about that......they have too.
 Softy599
Joined: 11/20/2005
Msg: 26 (view)
 
Difficulty with a 16 year old
Posted: 10/26/2013 12:52:46 PM
People keep mentioning I want to bond with her. I should probably say that it isn't my goal to be her best friend. Nor a mom. We use to talk and that is fine. This shift is what has me concerned. I have one daughter and am content with that. She is 22 now, I'm not looking to mother another.

I am concerned about possible depression and mentioned it to dad. I left it go for now, he's one that needs to process.

He told me that since she couldn't give reasons for this change, he can't work on a solution. So he told her deal with it. I'm up in arms, thinking was that the best way to handle it? But it's what he said.
 softy599
Joined: 11/20/2005
Msg: 23 (view)
 
Difficulty with a 16 year old
Posted: 10/26/2013 12:28:14 PM
I hope to try to answer some questions and clarify some points.

We have been spending time together and things seemed to be progressing slowly but good. Early in the spring, we had a weekend at the beach, she brought a friend. Had a great time. And while I never thought she would have agreed, later on, she wanted to go to the beach again, just the three of us. She talked my ear off. We were all together the whole time. Locally, we would go shopping, run errands, go eat, ect. So this change is recent.

Before my introduction to her, Dad told her about me, how he liked me and wanted us to meet. He made dinner and he said her reply to this was.... whatever. But she sat with us, ate, talked. We have had many other dinners at his house since of course. Sometimes she would take her food to her room. My reaction was.... WHAT! But Dad said sometimes she just does that and he doesn't push it. No, I don't agree but it is his relationship with her, his choice.

His daughter is a very bright young lady. Does very well in school. Which is good because school is all she has besides 2 friends and her family. She does not hang out with friends, go to parties, go to the mall. My intuition says she is depressed. Some of this current behavior is not new. She has always spent a lot of time in her room. Though for some reason, NOW she has decided I have no place there, after a year of me being in her life. I did NOT spend the night right away, and he spoke to her about that before hand also. She probably said whatever. :)

I am not the first girlfriend since the break up. The first one she met, hated and that was that. The relationship didn't work out anyways. But she let it be known from the beginning that she wanted nothing to do with that women. That was many years ago.

I do not interfere in his parenting. He will admit that he has spoiled her and the reasons is a whole other story. He does give her much attention when he has her but if she is in a bad mood (a lot) she will just walk away from him. I have had to sit there while he asks her to do the dishes and she says no. Again, his issues to deal with.

I was asked if I was asserting my territory? Uh, no. We love being together. And as I said, some evenings I can't get there till later, she often won't see me. Other times, I will join them for dinner or we run errands. All this USE to be ok. IF I am there and she needs help with homework, or wants to watch a movie together, he does it.

It seems the big thing is, why was it ok for the past year and now she is saying she doesn't want me there.

HOWEVER..... he did speak to her this afternoon. She gave no explanation. He said he has noticed her being '****y' with him lately. We kicked some things around, what could be going on with her. I asked if the ex could be saying stuff and he said yes. If the ex plants an idea in her head, she will run with it also. Her and the mom have what some might consider a co-dependent relationship. Her mom also has no friends and is very miserable most the time. If need be, we will limit our time together but at this point, I am not sure that is healthy. How much does one allow for manipulation versus a child learning that the world is not all about them? When I was 16 my parents divorced, and a year later my Dad moved a women in. He didn't ask us if it was ok. For god sake, it is his house. We dealt with it. But like someone said, everyone is different and this is a different world versus 35 years ago.

Thanks for the comments. Everything is helpful to look at this in different eyes.
 softy599
Joined: 11/20/2005
Msg: 6 (view)
 
Difficulty with a 16 year old
Posted: 10/26/2013 5:08:42 AM
I often hear this....it's a teenager thing. I don't know. My daughter would never have acted like that but I know everyone is different.

Him and her mother split up going on 5 years ago.

While it would be nice if she were to like me, I know that wont happen anytime soon. Partly because of her personality, also she is very close to her mom. But for her to ignore me when I say hi, to leave the room when I get there....... Those things are exhausting. But I also know part of it is in her upbringing. I would never allow rude behavior from my kid when I have a guest.

I hope he can get an answer, some reason for this from her. I'm guessing he may basically tell her that I'm not going no where. We love each other and she has to eventually accept this. He has wanted me to spend more time with him while she is there but I've kept it minimal. Please know also that most evenings, she spends locked in her bedroom. It's not like every night they are spending time together. Often she won't even eat with him. Sometimes I'm not able to get there till 8, by then she's in bed.

Thanks again.
 softy599
Joined: 11/20/2005
Msg: 3 (view)
 
Difficulty with a 16 year old
Posted: 10/26/2013 4:48:26 AM
So this should go on until what? She goes to college? What if she were to move in permanently? He's not to have a girlfriend then?
 softy599
Joined: 11/20/2005
Msg: 1 (view)
 
Difficulty with a 16 year old
Posted: 10/26/2013 4:36:29 AM
I've been dating D for a year and a half. He has a now 16 year old daughter who is with him every other week.

When we became serious, we took it very slow with introducing me to her. T this day, when he has her, I spend 2 nights a week at his house. We have had a few weekend trips to the beach with her also. For the most part, she is cold to me. Never out right mean, just cold. For a little, I thought things were going good. Especially the one weekend we spent at the beach, the three of us. But now she is REAL cold to me and I finally talked to D and he said she recently said she doesn't think I should be around when she is there. He's going to talk to her today about it.

How long is acceptable for this to go on? Im exhausted by this.

Thanks for any feedback from anyone who has been in this situation before.
 Softy599
Joined: 11/20/2005
Msg: 256 (view)
 
Won't tell me his last name
Posted: 8/30/2013 3:19:15 PM
I'm glad things worked out. Though if they guy was just being cautious, hate to tell him, crazy is rarely apparent this early on when dating. LOL
 softy599
Joined: 11/20/2005
Msg: 33 (view)
 
About to Lose my Best Friend....
Posted: 5/20/2013 6:26:58 PM
I do think the OP has to shift her thinking here. Her male friend is with her BF. She has to take a back seat to their relationship now.

I had an experience with current boyfriend in that his BF is a female and even after she knew we were an item, would continue to make her late night calls to him. After a LONG while she got the hint to stop. In the back of my head I was astonished that common sense never kicked in. I would never call a guy like that when I knew he was with his girlfriend. But hey, common sense isn't so common these days.
 softy599
Joined: 11/20/2005
Msg: 13 (view)
 
How does a woman successfully teach a man how she likes to be touched?
Posted: 3/12/2013 5:20:13 PM
Porn? He'll no! You can learn new positions, sure. But mst porn lacks what the poster is wanting. Foreplay! Slowly making love.

I've never had an issue with this sort of thing until my recent boyfriend. I even posted about it here. One thing that I didn't really touch base on in that post is his lack of foreplay. I honestly no past lover shared with him the importance of it.

How have I been getting him to adjust his thinking? Asking him in a kind way to do this.... Or that. Guiding his hands at times.

But in the end, some guys are just more sensual then others.
 softy599
Joined: 11/20/2005
Msg: 44 (view)
 
10 months and still.....
Posted: 3/12/2013 8:42:53 AM
Actually since our last conversation about it, he has been much more attentive to my satisfaction. I wouldn't say the quantity has increased but the quality for sure.

I haven't been joking around about wanting more sex. Haven't been pushing him. Just going with the flow but when he has started to get frisky, I would gently guide him to take care of me.
 softy599
Joined: 11/20/2005
Msg: 38 (view)
 
10 months and still.....
Posted: 2/25/2013 11:52:05 AM
Thanks Igor, your posts are always thoughtful and well written. It is interesting because in email, part of his reply to my issues was this:


"I guess I trust that our relationship is strong enough that when things happen like my time being restricted or I'm so tired I feel like I can skip a few things. But I need to put more effort into that.

Though after conversations like this morning I feel unappreciated and overwhelmed. It seems like whatever I can do isn't enough ... which adds tension."

I know most here said he is a selfish lover and at times I do feel that he is. But I also felt deep inside the pressuring him was NOT the key. You shed a new light on it.

BTW, he did take care of business this weekend. LOL
 softy599
Joined: 11/20/2005
Msg: 35 (view)
 
10 months and still.....
Posted: 2/23/2013 7:49:43 AM
Igor,

"I have now a couple of times (once long, long ago, and again more recently) dealt with women who claimed that the problem they had with me, was that their sex drive was higher than mine.

That wasn't the case either time. What was true instead, was that their way of going after their satisfaction was so devoid of any sense that I mattered at all to them, that my own enjoyment from being with them, once vibrant and almost explosive, declined precipitously.

I find it to be true, that both men and women want to be particularly appreciated for being the unique person that they are, and when it seems to them that their chosen mate thinks of them as a replaceable commodity instead, that desire cannot survive."

Can you explain some behavior on my part that might have made him feel this way? I don't think I have but perhaps without realizing it, I have. I do know that yes, he is under stress. Isn't everyone? And I will admit to bringing this topic up in the past in probably not the best way. Now I do approach it more sensibly or at least I think I do.

FYI, last night he was more then willing to go down on me and whether it was the right thing to do or not, I stopped him. I had 3 hours of sleep the night before and was NOT feeling sexual at all. He told me he was sorry about neglecting me, that he has been tired, stressed. (He is working lots of hours plus a remodel job in his home)

There are many good suggestions here though. I do think I can perhaps guide him to take care of me first, I just don't want it to come off as bossy or be intimidating which can have a reverse effect later.

Also, he is a touchy feeling guy. We do hug, kiss, cuddle, ect all the time. It isn't like he just dislikes intimacy. There is also the dynamic of his kid, who is with him every other week so during that week, we do not spend as much time together and rarely have sex then because he worries she will hear us.
 softy599
Joined: 11/20/2005
Msg: 25 (view)
 
10 months and still.....
Posted: 2/22/2013 2:53:30 PM
"First of all, why are you even on POF? Be lucky the guy has stuck around. You need to delete your profile."

I will reply to many posts here shortly but first to answer this. I have been a member of this site for a very long time. My profile does not come up in searches. It is only here for the forums, which I visit on occasion.
 softy599
Joined: 11/20/2005
Msg: 1 (view)
 
10 months and still.....
Posted: 2/22/2013 6:56:12 AM
Been dating current BF 10 months. Through out I've had to discuss our sex life. It has become obvious that my sex drive is stronger then his. I can handle that. What I can't handle is his lack of concern for my satisfaction.

Ex. Last week, he got a BJ. Sunday a quickie then Wednesday I basically did all the 'work' again. None of those experiences resulted in an orgasm for me. Yes, I enjoy it all but what can I say, I like the end result, which should be an orgasm. He knows perfectly well how to give me that. We were together last night, he made no moves to rectify the situation.

I brought it up again. But perhaps I'm approaching it all wrong. I know I'll get some brutal advice. Go for it.

Btw, when we have discussed this in the past, it would help temporarily.
 softy599
Joined: 11/20/2005
Msg: 39 (view)
 
Too Fussy maybe?
Posted: 4/25/2012 9:08:47 AM
Just go out to make friends and see how you feel. There is so much pressure when 'dating'. I refused to say I was dating the current man until I was beyond that stage. Till that point, we were just meeting and hanging out.
 softy599
Joined: 11/20/2005
Msg: 18 (view)
 
claiming to be single yet isn't
Posted: 4/25/2012 9:04:05 AM
People suck. They lie, cheat, steal.....

We have all been there. Live and learn!
 softy599
Joined: 11/20/2005
Msg: 57 (view)
 
What would you do?
Posted: 4/25/2012 8:53:33 AM
You called a cab, he got in it. What the hell was he so mad about. He's an ass. Move on!
 softy599
Joined: 11/20/2005
Msg: 9 (view)
 
he wants to take me for a meal
Posted: 4/25/2012 8:49:22 AM
Meet him and see what his excuses are. Then decide if you will let him to continue to treat you this way.
 softy599
Joined: 11/20/2005
Msg: 10 (view)
 
Did I get bad advice
Posted: 4/25/2012 8:46:53 AM
Are you sure there is no hope of dating him? If you want to date just him now, tell him!

The man I see now, we were both dating others. Then we both admitted to each other that we had stopped, had no desire to multi-date any longer.

Natural progress.
 softy599
Joined: 11/20/2005
Msg: 58 (view)
 
Do I tell or not tell the man?
Posted: 4/11/2012 7:36:53 AM
I wouldn't tell them in the beginning stages of dating. And you don't have to justify your reasons for not letting the man meet your kids. Common sense should tell the man that you are protecting your kids from meeting many different men you date.
 softy599
Joined: 11/20/2005
Msg: 6 (view)
 
Can a person's choice of style get in the way of having success in a relationship?
Posted: 4/4/2012 12:54:14 PM
Looks are all in the eye of the beholder. Some guys like high maintenance, some don't.
 softy599
Joined: 11/20/2005
Msg: 5 (view)
 
Turned off by bridges, tunnels, and tolls...
Posted: 4/4/2012 12:47:12 PM
Would it be cheaper if you used public trans to get into the city?
 softy599
Joined: 11/20/2005
Msg: 22 (view)
 
Who is in the wrong? re Cat
Posted: 3/30/2012 5:52:25 AM
AGreed that not everyone is an animal lover but he sounds downright mean. Dump him!
 
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