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 Author Thread: Even when she gives you her number, you feel unsure and/or uncomfortable about contacting her
 zonavar68
Joined: 8/16/2015
Msg: 1 (view)
 
Even when she gives you her number, you feel unsure and/or uncomfortable about contacting her
Posted: 2/17/2019 6:41:46 PM
It's a bit strange, but this has happened to me a couple of times now where after a while a woman and I swap numbers, but then after a couple of chats (before meeting in person) I feel very uncomfortable and have a mini anxiety attack for want of a better description and can't go through with arranging to meet in person for a coffee/drink/meal or a proper date.

Maybe it's because of fear due to getting burnt in long-term relationships and even short term ones. Is this something that only happens with guys, or do women get the same anxious nerves and even after swapping numbers don't go through with meeting up?
 zonavar68
Joined: 8/16/2015
Msg: 24 (view)
 
Male SEQ/EEQ???
Posted: 2/17/2019 2:01:40 AM

The sheer volume of men online is greater than the volume of women online. That could account for much of the disparity. A more interesting question to me is why are there more men online than women?


Because us men really have no idea how to approach women in person. ;-) That's assuming we're doing things to actually put ourselves in places where we could actually meet women in person. And for people like me who do shiftwork, we basically don't do social things normally because shiftwork makes a person perpetually without any stamina for social outings in the main, including family things.

As for the second part, many sites seems to offer access to women either for free or cheaper than it's offer to men. I wouldn't have a clue what POF offers to women compared to men.

Remember women are conditioned to be social creatures - men are conditioned to not be social.
 zonavar68
Joined: 8/16/2015
Msg: 32 (view)
 
Valentines day and what it means to us 'life experienced' mature folks
Posted: 2/16/2019 11:11:08 AM

It's just a day set aside to give you an opportunity to tell someone special how much they mean to you.


That should be every day, not just one day a year. With my last partner I tried all manner of things to keep the 'spark' going but in the end she drove me away through bullying and harrassment, so I pulled the plug and left.
 zonavar68
Joined: 8/16/2015
Msg: 24 (view)
 
Plenty of Pervs
Posted: 2/13/2019 12:30:03 AM
I'm getting a similar thing in the form of a steady stream of obviously fake/scam profiles and nearly all of them have really shonky 'russian like' usernames that seem to be out of a random name generator. Most of them have text that is clearly not composed by someone speaking native English language, and pics can be a giveaway too.

It's very dis-heartening to get obvious scam/fake contacts. Many of them have pictures that very definitely don't match the claimed age of the so-called person, and are very scantily clad and make you wonder how the pics haven't got the profiles deleted due to basically being porn. I guess the 'bots' that create them generate so many that they can send out sham contact requests before they get flagged and (usually) deleted.

Plenty of Fakes aka Plenty of Pervs is probably a fair but said reminder of where dating sites in general have got to.
 zonavar68
Joined: 8/16/2015
Msg: 177 (view)
 
Dating Etiquette of 21 century ADULTS
Posted: 2/12/2019 9:50:45 PM
Women are conditioned to be social animals. Men are (largely) not.

It's interesting to see reference to 'social training' as I don't know where anyone gets that. It's not like there are 'life milestone bootcamps' that involved 'romance/relationship/intimacy training' modules. ;-)

TBH when I went to school (1975 to 1986) there was no such thing as sex education. I was 18 in 1986. I didn't have any sort of actually relationship until at least 10 years later and have only ever had two LTR's. I'm 50 now. But we're all different. No two people have the same life experience and that means no two people have the same sexual/relationship experience, or the same type of belief in friendship circles and the like.
 zonavar68
Joined: 8/16/2015
Msg: 1 (view)
 
Valentines day and what it means to us 'life experienced' mature folks
Posted: 2/11/2019 9:28:17 PM
Does Valentines Day have any meaning to you? I find it abhorantly sickly. But others may like it.

Just putting it out there.... I've never got into the Valentines thing maybe because I'm not the sort of person who finds dating, romance, etc. 'natural'.
 zonavar68
Joined: 8/16/2015
Msg: 7 (view)
 
Speed-dating aka multi-mini-interview type date format for mature folks like us
Posted: 2/11/2019 9:22:37 PM
There's one outfit that's appearing a lot in the media here called Cityswoon:

https://cityswoon.com.au/

Though a check on their website shows they only seem to organise events in large cities (basically state capitals) not regional areas.

Just curious as I've never tried speed-dating and probably would find it very imtimidating. But until I tried it I wouldn't really know what it's like.
 zonavar68
Joined: 8/16/2015
Msg: 8 (view)
 
Male SEQ/EEQ???
Posted: 2/9/2019 12:50:05 PM
I tried to google the title of the thread and even it didn't tell me what 'male SEQ/EEQ' means. 8-) That's pretty bad when Dr Google can't help me. lol

I first thought it might relate to 'IQ' but perhaps there is something called 'EQ' that's similar but different....

So if it, as the followup by the OP alludes, is about etiquette then what's the issue? Most people have a common-sense grasp of it, but few of us (and that applies to women as well as us men) will be all over the fine detail around 'prim and proper' social behaviour.

Because most of us at our age go on very few dates simply because life is so busy in general, developing and refining social behaviour isn't something that we can (a) learn from a textbook, or (b) practice frequently. The only regular social engagement I do is with people at my work because I do shiftwork and going out socially like a normal person (lol) is out of the question. Very rarely I get to be social like a normal person but not often enough.

 zonavar68
Joined: 8/16/2015
Msg: 7 (view)
 
Women always wanting men quite taller than them
Posted: 2/9/2019 1:04:49 AM
I can only presume it's an 'alpha' thing where women want taller men because of the natural desire for 'better breeding' not to mention the perception of taller means better attributes a-la-romance.

It's a bit off-putting though to find it a common theme in profiles, and particularly in profiles of women who are of the more attractive kind.

I guess it can be used by women as a simple 'pre-filter' like culling of job applicants. ;-)
 zonavar68
Joined: 8/16/2015
Msg: 1 (view)
 
Speed-dating aka multi-mini-interview type date format for mature folks like us
Posted: 2/9/2019 1:01:09 AM
Anyone tried speed-dating services for people in our age group? Do any actually exist?

I've done a lot of multi-mini-interview things for job applications but never tried it as a speed-dating type of thing. If it's still a thing. ;-)
 zonavar68
Joined: 8/16/2015
Msg: 1 (view)
 
Women always wanting men quite taller than them
Posted: 2/8/2019 4:02:50 PM
Is it just something that seems to be more prevalent in us older more mature crowd? I come across a lot of profiles where the women is directly saying she wants a man taller than her by a significant amount (ie. if you're average white Australian height of about 170 cm she wants a guy 180 cm or taller).

Just wondering as it's a common sub-theme for rejections and non-interest.
 zonavar68
Joined: 8/16/2015
Msg: 22 (view)
 
Big killers of prospects once you're having regular involvement with someone
Posted: 2/3/2019 2:47:52 AM
My shiftwork is the sort that never has days off in the same place through the roster, and it's a full 24/7 operation so shifts start/finish anywhere in a 24 hr period. Nature of the job. Done it for a long time.

I agree that if someone really genuinely is interested that take a person for who they really are and that includes what they do for work and how that impacts their availability. In a large way shiftwork killed my last LTR which went for 5 years (and out of which I have a very beautiful 18 month old daughter who lives full time with her mum aka my ex).

I fully realise that most people in my age range (I'm 50 now) has children involved with them somewhere somehow, and I always make a big point of how the children are much more important than me to a woman I am trying to get to know.

And it's almost always only the women who have kids that live with them. Normally us men are estranged non-custodial parents who, for whatever reason, cannot have our kids live with us. That creates a big disparity between what single women with kids want and what us men seem to want. At least that's my interpretation of the whole thing.
 zonavar68
Joined: 8/16/2015
Msg: 98 (view)
 
Dating Etiquette of 21 century ADULTS
Posted: 2/3/2019 2:34:35 AM
The he/she is just not into you thing is absolutely far too common because it's akin to ghosting. I recently had a dating experience where I went on a few dates with one person (not a POF contact) but *I* felt really uncomfortable after about four in-person encounters so I politely called it off with a phone call. I could have just ignored the woman but I felt that's just nasty and rude and everyone wants some sort of 'closure'.

Why did I call it off? Because I became scared/frightened of sex - pure and simple. I felt I just couldn't 'satisfy' her if it went to that level. So thought it best to be honest and stop the gig before it got to that point.

I'd offered to pay for each meal/outing and we ended up doing the bill-splitting thing (I hate the term 'going dutch') each time.
 zonavar68
Joined: 8/16/2015
Msg: 22 (view)
 
Dating Etiquette of 21 century ADULTS
Posted: 1/28/2019 2:00:49 AM
My preference, for the few dates I've been successful at securing, is to always offer to pay the whole bill and if the lady politely declines and wishes to split the bill that's fine with me. Personally as I'm the one who's started the ball rolling so-to-speak and been able to get someone to actually agree to meet in person, I should continue the ball-rolling and offer to pay the whole cost.

What I find rude is that if I offer to pay the whole bill and the lady goes along with that, a thankyou is expected. So if no recognition of covering the full expense is provided, that's a sign that I'm being used and there is no real genuine interest.

It's irrelevant how far (or not) someone has travelled to meet up - if you agree to meet any/all incumberences of making that arrangement are born by the individual and not relevant to the actually meetup. IMHO at least. That's why so many people say no based on the perceived notion of what is 'too far' to travel for a date.

Of course that's subjective because a person may find the other person insanely attractive and willingly travel further than he/she would otherwise think is reasonably based on 'tingles' one gets during the early conversations.
 zonavar68
Joined: 8/16/2015
Msg: 33 (view)
 
Bit Confused...
Posted: 1/14/2019 12:20:57 AM
POF (in fact all dating sites really) is (are) very much like being long-term unemployed - you send off soooo many 'applications' that you get lost in the constant flood of knockbacks, forget about the people who never bother to reply (way more than 50 percent) because for all intents and purposes most of them are probably fakes anyway, and out of the sub-5 percent who do actually reply, 1 percent of those will actually have a real communication that might lead to meeting up in person.

I still have not had any contact from here turn into a real-life meetup. Had a few get to the swap phone numbers and have a few phone chats, and lots that go pretty deep into the email/messaging communication, and lots that do either a polite or very rude ' thanks but no thanks' rejection.

All dating sites open to both sexes are flooded with a huge number of male profiles, and a much smaller number of female ones. How many of those female ones are males trying to get female attention because they don't get it when 'posing' as their legitimate male self? ;-)
Women (especially those who have had failed relationships) are a lot more open to contact from other women and will connect with women much more easily IMHO because a woman automagically is afforded a higher 'initial trust' level than any guy ever will be.

How many of the female profiles are bot-generated fakes? Lots! Sites like RSVP, Okcupid, Badoo, the 'E' site, etc. are saturated with spam-bot generated profiles just like POF is.

Basically for a site like this one, I make the presumption that for every legit female profile there are going to be 10 or 100 or maybe 1000 male profiles, so every legit female profile is potentially going to be receiving masses of contacts if the pics are interesting and the profile text content is interesting and doesn't appear obviously fake/scammy.
 zonavar68
Joined: 8/16/2015
Msg: 1 (view)
 
Swap numbers, then next day get a brush-off
Posted: 1/14/2019 12:11:17 AM
Hmmm Dunno who's had this, but I've been having a great conversation with a lovely woman and we swapped phone numbers yesterday. Today I get a message saying that she is now seeing someone else who 'she wants to get serious with'. I'm going to lump it into the 'friendzoned' category but who really knows.

The conversations had been very extensive up to the point of swapping numbers. I see no point phoning her to try and have a real conversation.

A bit dis-illusioned (more that before) with the whole dating thing now.
 zonavar69
Joined: 8/16/2015
Msg: 26 (view)
 
Plenty of Fakes
Posted: 11/14/2018 4:37:05 PM
At least my profile is genuine and real and everything written in it is from the heart. Sure it probably doesn't have the smooth romantic appeal of a multiple date night on an episode of Bachelor or Bachelorette, but I don't hide who and what I am.

I don't try to show and c$%k pics, but isn't it funny how many women show off their cleavage in their pics, some very overtly, and think that's ok, but then turn around and say it's not for men to do bare or semi-bare chested pics.

I suppose women don't get to see the site from a guys perpective. Remember in the USA you've got 200+ million people while we have 25+ million, so it's fair to say that search results are going to return a lot less real genuine profile links compared to what might be possible with those of you in the USA.

From my point of view as an Aussie user, there are a *lot* of fake profile results that show up. To be honest, a fair portion of the people I contact do come back and say 'no thanks'. and if someone does that I always acknowledge with a short 'thanks for your honest reply - hope you find someone lovely' and then leave that person alone.

People appreciate respect and courtesy and perhaps it's a reflection of dating sites in general that respect and courtesy is so rare, but at least in our age group we have lots of life experience so know that showing respect is the right way to go.
 zonavar69
Joined: 8/16/2015
Msg: 5 (view)
 
Plenty of Fakes
Posted: 10/26/2018 6:48:55 PM
This and sites like are are, for all intents and purposes, nothing more than a hookup site. ;-) Sure perhaps people view the issue around not answering the kids question as a red flag but the options available don't fit my situation... Yes, I do have kids. No, they do not live with me. No, they are not all over 18. So none of the options are correct. I'll just change it to 'yes' and then everyone will presume I have kids living with me and that's another major red flag. So as a guy, I can't win. ;-)

Trying to be genuine/honest clearly doesn't work. Seems only guys who are sleazy get connections that work out to something.


not to mention a lack of self-awareness


This I don't understand - is that a veiled implication that I'm being fake/callous/shallow/ignorant/disrespectful/etc.?
 zonavar69
Joined: 8/16/2015
Msg: 92 (view)
 
My Cats are C*ck-Blocking Me
Posted: 10/25/2018 3:55:22 PM
Remember peoples that you do not own your cats - your cats own you! But keep thinking the other way around and your cats will allow you to feel their love and affection... ;-)
 zonavar69
Joined: 8/16/2015
Msg: 1 (view)
 
Plenty of Fakes
Posted: 10/25/2018 3:53:15 PM
How many of you in our age group actually go on dates through contacts made via this site? I'm curious as I've never had any legit connections through POF so maybe I'm being too genuine and nice?

A guy at my work who's 40 and single says he will never hook up with another woman for anything long term and reckons he's had a few meetups with people from here. He says the way to make women want you is to 'treat em mean to keep em keen'. OMG really? Is this a version of the old belief (which I don't understand) that even when you are with someone you are supposed to still keep 'chasing' them regardless?

Just putting it out there... Clearly those of us contributing to these discussions are real people, but maybe we're the only ones. ;-) The rest could be spam profile robot generated fakes.
 zonavar69
Joined: 8/16/2015
Msg: 71 (view)
 
Triggers in profile photos
Posted: 10/23/2018 3:45:16 PM

Pictures of non freshly shaved men make me click next.


I have facial hair and I'm proud of it because it's part of who I am. I fully get though that a lot of women seem to be repulsed by it. In the same way, I'm repulsed by women who have their nether regions smooth as a baby's bottom. Some men shave their nether regions too (not me!).

It's entirely a personal choice whether someone shaves or does not shave their face, their nether regions, their legs, their armpits, etc. Some men (apparently me included) look better with facial hair, or even the full bearding way.

Women who sport painted on almost fake eyebrows and eyes that are accentuated with far too much (basically any) eye makeup stuff are up there in the realm of 'too kitchy' as well.

As adults we should be accepting others for who and what they are, not who and what we want them to be. That's a major trigger of relationships falling apart IMHO.
 zonavar69
Joined: 8/16/2015
Msg: 24 (view)
 
What is with the women on this site? I miss OKCupid.
Posted: 10/6/2018 6:32:19 PM
OKC is totally full of fakes IMHO. Here isn't much better, but it's sometimes hard to tell until you see the same 'look like cropped from a magazine page' type of profile pics appearing over and over again on different sites will glaringly-fake profiles.

Is OKC is owned by match.com? This site is, and Tinder.

Doesn't give me cred to the concept of 'dating diversity'...
 zonavar69
Joined: 8/16/2015
Msg: 73 (view)
 
How men mathematically sleep with more people than women
Posted: 10/6/2018 6:27:35 PM
I must be the odd one out as I'm 50 and I've had no more sexual partners (including 1-time flings) than there are fingers on one hand (ie. 5). Two of those were long-term gigs (one 15 yrs and more recently a 5 yr). I've had no sex now in about 18 months. But then I've hardly been out there trying to get it either due to nature of my job, etc

I dunno if there's any maths involved. I'm in Australia btw.
 zonavar69
Joined: 8/16/2015
Msg: 10 (view)
 
Bit Confused...
Posted: 10/6/2018 5:13:21 PM

She's on the rebound. When she says she's not ready to meet anyone, believe it.


And that's the same for almost all of us men either now (very, very common in our age range) or not long ago.

It's not just women who take time to 'self-repair'. In fact I would go so far to say that it probably takes men longer because we are generally much more introverted and tend to 'bottle' our feelings of hurt, guilt, self-doubt, lack of self-esteem/worth/confidence, etc. within ourselves where women, by their nature, are much more social and 'group supportive'.
 zonavar69
Joined: 8/16/2015
Msg: 28 (view)
 
is it normal if he wants to meet you once a week?
Posted: 10/6/2018 5:07:54 PM
Have you actually asked politely about what you seem to feel is a 'lack of availability'? He might have kids he has defined access to, or he might do a job where there's just no chance of availability on weekdays (or like my job being shiftwork in a full 24/7/365 business)? Maybe he's just naturally shy and feels that once a week is a good way to balance things out?
 zonavar69
Joined: 8/16/2015
Msg: 54 (view)
 
new 'mature age' way of saying no without actually saying no
Posted: 9/7/2018 5:06:56 PM
"thankyou...I'm at work atm so hard to chat.."

Then no followup to a polite reply and now the profile is deleted! Guess that was YAF (Yet Another Fake) or perhaps a match.com staff member running a bot to flood the site with fake profiles that all have odd similarities...
 zonavar69
Joined: 8/16/2015
Msg: 9 (view)
 
Big killers of prospects once you're having regular involvement with someone
Posted: 9/7/2018 5:03:34 PM

That person is catfishing you


I don't know what that means, but the site is certainly full of Plenty of Fake Fish whether they be Wells Catfish or Leeds Ichthys.
 zonavar69
Joined: 8/16/2015
Msg: 134 (view)
 
Never been married suddenly at 50 you wanna marry someone REALLY
Posted: 8/27/2018 2:38:48 PM
My longest long-term relationship ended because my ex from then slept with the guy who was renting next door to our house when I had to work away.

I tend to find people I talk to more than once with a view to maybe meeting up generally have no interest in past relationships and if someone does talk about it in the first few messages that tends to be a red flag for me.
 zonavar69
Joined: 8/16/2015
Msg: 1 (view)
 
Big killers of prospects once you're having regular involvement with someone
Posted: 8/27/2018 2:30:59 PM
What do you find are the 'big killers' of prospects once you start having regular involvement with someone (even if it's still in the POF messaging stage but you're exchanging messages every day or two for more than a couple of weeks prior to arranging to meet up in person)?

Based on my experience it's (1) distance and (2) my shiftwork. That combination is too much for a majority of people (who do initially show significant returned interest) to take once the realities of the work/life pattern are out there in the open during ongoing positive conversation.

 zonavar69
Joined: 8/16/2015
Msg: 51 (view)
 
Triggers in profile photos
Posted: 8/26/2018 8:05:25 PM
Animal filters, aka snapchat filters, or similar, are an immediate turn-off. Photos are supposed to be of the real genuine you, not the 'what I want people to think about me' you.

It's almost like "my son or daughter created my profile for me" with 'modified' images.

The other thing is phone screenshots - how often do you find those in someone's profile... I'm hopeless at selfies, but where possible I try to take some since nobody else is going to be taking pics of me usually. It's not like I can just ask a random person on the street to take a 'meetcute' type pseudo-romantic type of selfie photo for a dating website. ;-)
 zonavar69
Joined: 8/16/2015
Msg: 17 (view)
 
Older gentleman with kids
Posted: 8/26/2018 7:58:27 PM
I wish I got to see my kids 50 pct of the time! Shiftwork etc. stops all that. It's interesting how many women have children in their profile pics then make a big deal of 'all my kids are over 18' or similar. I'm lucky if I see my kids once every 2 months given where they live, I live, and them being late teens (and eldest is 20) plus my shiftwork and not currently owning my own house (stuck renting).

Not many profiles that I think are genuine mention there are no kids in the picture as far as seeking to find a new life partner is concerned.
 zonavar69
Joined: 8/16/2015
Msg: 25 (view)
 
Erectile Dysfuntion: Can skipping days trying to have sex help?
Posted: 8/16/2018 7:21:02 PM
Number one cause of ED is probably various forms of stress and/or depression. If you're not in the right headspace being romantic and sexual is practically impossible in a way that makes it actually enjoyable for you and the person you're sharing the experience with.
 zonavar69
Joined: 8/16/2015
Msg: 9 (view)
 
Two profiles - same pics - same style of intro - fakes?
Posted: 8/16/2018 1:56:05 AM
I'm sick of the site being 99.9 percent fakes. If it's not, I'd love to meet in person someone from the other 0.01 percent.
 zonavar69
Joined: 8/16/2015
Msg: 6 (view)
 
Triggers in profile photos
Posted: 8/16/2018 1:52:07 AM
Profiles with no face pics, or no pics showing the person at all. That's number 1.

Pics showing people other than the person who's profile it's supposed to be are the number 2 especially when the pic doesn't show a female when the profile is meant to belong to a female, or many of the pics have been cropped/edited to block out other people (possibly ex's).

Pics that have been 'funnied' with stuff like Snapchat filters are number 3.

Pics that are in 'cheesy' locations, such as with Sydney harbour bridge in the view (I'm an Aussie born and bred in Sydney) are number 4.

I'd come up with more reasons to suspect the validity of the profile but they're my top 4.
 zonavar69
Joined: 8/16/2015
Msg: 3 (view)
 
Two profiles - same pics - same style of intro - fakes?
Posted: 8/15/2018 1:02:50 AM
So you support people using sites like this for the purpose of scamming, exploitation and for want of a better word - extortion? It's clear criminal behaviour which should not exist on a site claiming to be legit, but it is after all owned by match.com that runs a whole suite of sites and all the fake profiles could be auto-generated from one site to another just to make it look like there are plenty of search results to pick from. I'm not buying it. Neither should you.

So yes it is my business as I paid money to be access the extra services, and it's just a rip-off.
 zonavar69
Joined: 8/16/2015
Msg: 20 (view)
 
Erectile Dysfuntion: Can skipping days trying to have sex help?
Posted: 8/14/2018 5:37:38 PM
For me, if/when I do have the opportunity for any sort of regular sexual encounters I need 48 hours before I can really get in the mood for a second round. Women of course really have no 'refractory period' like us guys. But there's probably a big lifestyle factor in it too - I do shiftwork with no roster and basically get offered a shift (or not) one day or sometimes two days out. I can't refuse them or I lose the work, but it means I also can never plan anything with a romantic interest and expect the plan to remain solid. The tiredness and general lack of stamina that shiftwork brings on can (and for me is) a really big factor is dampening sexual interest.
 zonavar69
Joined: 8/16/2015
Msg: 1 (view)
 
Two profiles - same pics - same style of intro - fakes?
Posted: 8/14/2018 5:34:20 PM
I've spotted two profiles claiming to be local Aus women but which have exactly the same set of pictures being cycled through yet have different usernames!

Have a look at 'cocomoon73' and 'dancewmetonight' and you'll see the pics are of the same person. I've reported both profiles, yet absolutely nothing has been done. And we wonder why the whole 'scam' side of this internet dating thing makes 99.999 pct of us permanently disillusioned about dating in general!

Both profiles claim the person works in the health industry and has a bachelors degree. Both have the same religion (presbyterian, which for Australia is very unusual). Both have the same age and the same height and the same city (Newcastle NSW).

Both refer to poetry as an important interest and again that's highly unusual IMHO. Profile from 'cocomoon73':

"Hi. I am a happy person who believes in living a life that incorporates gratitude. I love to travel when possible and see and experience the big wide world :-). I adore poetry and iit's become a main hobby. Love the outdoors, art, literature, travel, great food and wine etc. I look forward to meeting you"

"Something low key or exciting or unique, all are good :-)"

Profile from 'dancewmetonight':

"Hi I am fun loving, sensitive, and love nature and the outdoors. I have many interests and love travelling when possible, reading, poetry, museums, swimming, daily fitness, bush walking and more. I'm looking to share my journey with another who has similar interests and enjoys life, is good natured, appreciates all life has to offer! I look forward to meeting you..

** I really do love poetry it’s my main hobby so if you enjoy literature that’s a wonderful bonus as we will have lots to talk about..."

"Something low key, dinner, coffee, a walk and chat preferably :-)"

I'm seeing this happen on eHarmony a lot too where profiles are looking far too similar. It's rampant on rsvp along with badoo and also.
 zonavar69
Joined: 8/16/2015
Msg: 7 (view)
 
MAKE-UP WARS
Posted: 8/5/2018 1:56:10 AM
Perhaps related is the phenomenon of 'snapchat filter' photos - if I find a profile that's got those it's almost an immediate turn-off about as bad as women who smoke.
 zonavar69
Joined: 8/16/2015
Msg: 42 (view)
 
new 'mature age' way of saying no without actually saying no
Posted: 8/5/2018 1:54:42 AM
I think part of the reason is we get so used to any responses we receive being 'canned worms' ones, or from romance scammers who've set up fake profiles good enough to seem legit at first glance but the message that comes back rings alarm bells for one of many reasons.

I always respond with a kind, personalised message to say thankyou even when I get a plain response. It's courteous, and if the other person is legit but not interested, that usually generates a nice thankyou followup then it's off on our own seperate paths again.
 zonavar69
Joined: 8/16/2015
Msg: 148 (view)
 
Getting blocked by someone for no apparent reason
Posted: 8/3/2018 1:59:01 AM

Why block someone just because they contacted you and you're not interested?


That's a massively common thing. I think that because a person perceives someone they're contacting might be interested they do it with good intentions but women seem especially spiteful when they look at a message even when it's not rude (honestly, do women really get bombarded with crude/rude intro messages?) they think "this guy is not interesting why is he even contacting me? I'll just block him because I don't like him" and that's a way to 'brickwall' people a women doesn't like on face value.

For me, if I think a person contacting me is fake, I do an assessment of whether it pans out based on a bunch of factors and block when the factors stack up to a conclusive determination of a fake profile (which usually means links to an organised crime romance scam operation that floods almost all dating sites with massive of fake presences).
 zonavar69
Joined: 8/16/2015
Msg: 75 (view)
 
THE great equilizer for us old farts?
Posted: 8/3/2018 1:52:48 AM
It seems a much more common thing now when couples go bad that they do the LATR thing for some period of time. Obviously it's not a simple deal to one day decide to split and then just simply leave that day or the next day. Just finding a place to live on your own takes forever. I'm currently looking for yet another rental as the current one is up for sale and new buyers want it vacant. Affording a place to live as a single person is a massive deal and when someone's been with someone else for a while you forget just how expensive it really is to live alone and have to pay a full cost of accomodation, utilities, food, etc.

In dates I've been on recently (none from this site - never had one out of POF yet), the subject of living arrangements rarely comes up as it's presumed that a mature person either has his/her own place already, or is renting somewhere as a single person so isn't really in a stable living arrangement.
 zonavar69
Joined: 8/16/2015
Msg: 16 (view)
 
new 'mature age' way of saying no without actually saying no
Posted: 7/19/2018 2:34:24 AM
Following on..... It's a sad reflection that this site in particular is so full of fake profiles. Perhaps because it's part of the match.com family now. Who really knows. It's interesting to see how people can't handle someone who's not fake. A few of those people have replied in this discussion thread . ;-)
 zonavar69
Joined: 8/16/2015
Msg: 15 (view)
 
new 'mature age' way of saying no without actually saying no
Posted: 7/19/2018 2:24:25 AM


Telling them that you already met someone could tend to backfire. When they see that you haven't removed your profile -- they'll return.


Not just that either - if the person says "i'm going to take a break from dating" and either explicity say they are going to disable/delete their profile, but then they don't... Doesn't that make you feel that the person has just outright lied to you? Clearly we all 'play the field' in one way or another and that's a common way for women to do it.

I know that if someone fobs me off I just ignore them and move on regardless of how often they appear to be active on the site (or another site - it's amazing how many of us have profiles on multiple sites).

Speaking of being on multiple sites, it's often the case that people might 'drop' a profile on one site but keep others going. I guess its a measure of results. If a person gets one or more apparently genuine responses even when they're just fob-off's that's going to be more enticing than being on a site where all you get is b/s contacts and 'i want to meet you' winks from people in other states or other countries.
 zonavar69
Joined: 8/16/2015
Msg: 1 (view)
 
new 'mature age' way of saying no without actually saying no
Posted: 7/18/2018 4:09:42 AM
I've come across a new 'mature age' way of saying no without saying no.....

Quite a number of contacts here and on some other sites I use have been coming back with a version of this in recent times:

"Hi nice to meet you. You sound like a great guy! I'm afraid that just today I went on a really lovely date and I'm going to see him again this weekend. I'm going to give internet dating a break for a while and see how this goes. Thanks so much for your interest and I wish you all the best in your search."

At first I thought they might be legit, and they could well be, but it seems sus that they all use a similar approach of saying 'sorry but today I went on a really nice day with someone else therefore I am not interesting in dating you' ... As a mature person you tend to have a lot more suspicion about responses that don't seem to fit in with the common expectations of the fickle world of dating that's 10x more fickle for us in the 45+ age bracket.

Anyway just putting it out there for comment.
 zonavar69
Joined: 8/16/2015
Msg: 30 (view)
 
School re-unions as a dating plaform - are they?
Posted: 7/2/2018 11:39:59 AM
I guess a re-union creates hookups because by the time you get to having been out of school for 20+ years just about everyone has a lot of very different relationship experiences and that probably means a *lot* of people with bad experiences so someone from the past they used to know is a more 'safe' bet that a numpty off the street. ;-)

I present the real me in my profile - this is not a school re-union or uni alumni site so why have a 'lingerie photo shoot' type suite of pictures which is showing off the person that you want other people to perceive you as not the actual real you.
 zonavar69
Joined: 8/16/2015
Msg: 262 (view)
 
Older men's expectations
Posted: 6/22/2018 6:48:12 PM
The main expectation I have is that a woman must accept me at face value for who and what I am, not expect me to become a 'picture' of who and what she really wants in a partner at the expense of my own real genuine identity as a person.

Because all of us in our age group have 'baggage' in one form or another (normally children from a previous relationship whether they live with us or not [mine don't]) women have to accept that we all have a lot of previous life experience and it's not always nice, so we very quickly and often will set up roadblocks because we see 'flaggable' issues triggering as the 'getting to know you more' process goes along.

I'm sure women do exactly the same sort of thing, but how women approach it might be different because of the vast gulf between the average male and female psyche.

BTW I drive a 26 year old diesel Toyota landcruiser 80 series (aka Lexus LX450) and own a few similarly old European cars that are ongoing restoration projects. The 4wd and two of the three cars are manual gearbox jobs (ie. 'stick' shift). Auto's are for lazy people. ;-)
 zonavar69
Joined: 8/16/2015
Msg: 38 (view)
 
Does anyone entertain at home anymore?
Posted: 6/22/2018 6:42:25 PM
I think lots of people do entertain at home, but when dating someone it's still a v-e-r-y big step to actually invite/ask someone to your home for the first time.

I've had first dates at people's homes and most of the time they've gone very badly. My worst one was actually the third one after I split with my ex of 15 yrs about 7 yrs ago now and this woman who I thought was just wonderful met up at her house one night and almost immediately she was all over me like a rash wanting to have sex and that absolutely scared the daylights out of me. She was beautiful, and she has a lovely place, but umm just wanting to do directly from chatting to in bed. Whoa... Maybe I'd started dating much too soon after the seperation (ex and I were never married btw) and should have just left it for at least a year before trying anything 'sexy' again.
 zonavar69
Joined: 8/16/2015
Msg: 131 (view)
 
Do You Have Success On Coffee Date Meets?
Posted: 6/22/2018 6:32:14 PM

We are talking about a 1st meet between ordinary everyday people...


Indeed. Too many people on here and every other dating site gets hooked up on the belief that every meetup has to be a 'meetcute' like scenario or like a scene out of a TV show like Bachelor/Bachelorette, etc...

I think a 'coffee date' is probably one of the best ways to initially meet someone as you are going to know within 5 minutes or less if you feel any sort of connection. I only say that having never been on a coffee date and when I was trying to actively date a few years ago I had so many bad experiences I gave up and really haven't feel the interest or need to 'pursue' meetups for the express purpose of triggering potential romantic interest.

I suppose if a person does agree to meet up then there already is an intention of triggering romantic attraction otherwise the meetup wouldn't happen in the first place. ;-) Does that sound fair? I've spent a good 1/4 of my life or more living along so the concept of continuing that doesn't scare me - so perhaps that's where I get the realistic understanding of dating being mostly a game of smoke and mirrors and nothing at all like it's painted to be on TV, etc.
 zonavar69
Joined: 8/16/2015
Msg: 1 (view)
 
School re-unions as a dating plaform - are they?
Posted: 6/22/2018 6:23:32 PM
School re-unions make me want to puke, but as mature people what do you think of them in terms of being a potential dating platform given that it supposedly 're-connects' you with past associations from high school days?

I look at a re-union like a wedding - far too many people in the same place at the same time. ;-)
 zonavar69
Joined: 8/16/2015
Msg: 76 (view)
 
The feminist man-hating agenda undertone is most women's profiles
Posted: 6/22/2018 6:17:55 PM
Yes, and it's damn difficult as a guy to take any sort of decent selfie as a guy doesn't have cleavage to show off in a photo sexy figure-flattering attire like women are gifted with, and I have facial hair because I like it and I'm comfortable with my appearance. I'm not alpha, and never try to be. I am me and my pics and profile as genuine and the real me. If it turns off 99.9 percent of women who actually chose to view my profile, that's fine. That just proves that most female profiles are actually fakes. ;-)

I don't want any feminist agendas or comparisons to ex-partners. it's pretty simple stuff but sooooo many women cannot handle a guy actually standing up and saying it because they immediately tarnish that person with a pseudo-#metoo type cloud.
 
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