Show ALL Forums
Posted In Forum:

Home   login   MyForums  
 
 Author Thread: Erectile Dysfuntion: Can skipping days trying to have sex help?
 zonavar69
Joined: 8/16/2015
Msg: 25 (view)
 
Erectile Dysfuntion: Can skipping days trying to have sex help?
Posted: 8/16/2018 7:21:02 PM
Number one cause of ED is probably various forms of stress and/or depression. If you're not in the right headspace being romantic and sexual is practically impossible in a way that makes it actually enjoyable for you and the person you're sharing the experience with.
 zonavar69
Joined: 8/16/2015
Msg: 9 (view)
 
Two profiles - same pics - same style of intro - fakes?
Posted: 8/16/2018 1:56:05 AM
I'm sick of the site being 99.9 percent fakes. If it's not, I'd love to meet in person someone from the other 0.01 percent.
 zonavar69
Joined: 8/16/2015
Msg: 6 (view)
 
Triggers in profile photos
Posted: 8/16/2018 1:52:07 AM
Profiles with no face pics, or no pics showing the person at all. That's number 1.

Pics showing people other than the person who's profile it's supposed to be are the number 2 especially when the pic doesn't show a female when the profile is meant to belong to a female, or many of the pics have been cropped/edited to block out other people (possibly ex's).

Pics that have been 'funnied' with stuff like Snapchat filters are number 3.

Pics that are in 'cheesy' locations, such as with Sydney harbour bridge in the view (I'm an Aussie born and bred in Sydney) are number 4.

I'd come up with more reasons to suspect the validity of the profile but they're my top 4.
 zonavar69
Joined: 8/16/2015
Msg: 3 (view)
 
Two profiles - same pics - same style of intro - fakes?
Posted: 8/15/2018 1:02:50 AM
So you support people using sites like this for the purpose of scamming, exploitation and for want of a better word - extortion? It's clear criminal behaviour which should not exist on a site claiming to be legit, but it is after all owned by match.com that runs a whole suite of sites and all the fake profiles could be auto-generated from one site to another just to make it look like there are plenty of search results to pick from. I'm not buying it. Neither should you.

So yes it is my business as I paid money to be access the extra services, and it's just a rip-off.
 zonavar69
Joined: 8/16/2015
Msg: 20 (view)
 
Erectile Dysfuntion: Can skipping days trying to have sex help?
Posted: 8/14/2018 5:37:38 PM
For me, if/when I do have the opportunity for any sort of regular sexual encounters I need 48 hours before I can really get in the mood for a second round. Women of course really have no 'refractory period' like us guys. But there's probably a big lifestyle factor in it too - I do shiftwork with no roster and basically get offered a shift (or not) one day or sometimes two days out. I can't refuse them or I lose the work, but it means I also can never plan anything with a romantic interest and expect the plan to remain solid. The tiredness and general lack of stamina that shiftwork brings on can (and for me is) a really big factor is dampening sexual interest.
 zonavar69
Joined: 8/16/2015
Msg: 1 (view)
 
Two profiles - same pics - same style of intro - fakes?
Posted: 8/14/2018 5:34:20 PM
I've spotted two profiles claiming to be local Aus women but which have exactly the same set of pictures being cycled through yet have different usernames!

Have a look at 'cocomoon73' and 'dancewmetonight' and you'll see the pics are of the same person. I've reported both profiles, yet absolutely nothing has been done. And we wonder why the whole 'scam' side of this internet dating thing makes 99.999 pct of us permanently disillusioned about dating in general!

Both profiles claim the person works in the health industry and has a bachelors degree. Both have the same religion (presbyterian, which for Australia is very unusual). Both have the same age and the same height and the same city (Newcastle NSW).

Both refer to poetry as an important interest and again that's highly unusual IMHO. Profile from 'cocomoon73':

"Hi. I am a happy person who believes in living a life that incorporates gratitude. I love to travel when possible and see and experience the big wide world :-). I adore poetry and iit's become a main hobby. Love the outdoors, art, literature, travel, great food and wine etc. I look forward to meeting you"

"Something low key or exciting or unique, all are good :-)"

Profile from 'dancewmetonight':

"Hi I am fun loving, sensitive, and love nature and the outdoors. I have many interests and love travelling when possible, reading, poetry, museums, swimming, daily fitness, bush walking and more. I'm looking to share my journey with another who has similar interests and enjoys life, is good natured, appreciates all life has to offer! I look forward to meeting you..

** I really do love poetry it’s my main hobby so if you enjoy literature that’s a wonderful bonus as we will have lots to talk about..."

"Something low key, dinner, coffee, a walk and chat preferably :-)"

I'm seeing this happen on eHarmony a lot too where profiles are looking far too similar. It's rampant on rsvp along with badoo and also.
 zonavar69
Joined: 8/16/2015
Msg: 7 (view)
 
MAKE-UP WARS
Posted: 8/5/2018 1:56:10 AM
Perhaps related is the phenomenon of 'snapchat filter' photos - if I find a profile that's got those it's almost an immediate turn-off about as bad as women who smoke.
 zonavar69
Joined: 8/16/2015
Msg: 42 (view)
 
new 'mature age' way of saying no without actually saying no
Posted: 8/5/2018 1:54:42 AM
I think part of the reason is we get so used to any responses we receive being 'canned worms' ones, or from romance scammers who've set up fake profiles good enough to seem legit at first glance but the message that comes back rings alarm bells for one of many reasons.

I always respond with a kind, personalised message to say thankyou even when I get a plain response. It's courteous, and if the other person is legit but not interested, that usually generates a nice thankyou followup then it's off on our own seperate paths again.
 zonavar69
Joined: 8/16/2015
Msg: 148 (view)
 
Getting blocked by someone for no apparent reason
Posted: 8/3/2018 1:59:01 AM

Why block someone just because they contacted you and you're not interested?


That's a massively common thing. I think that because a person perceives someone they're contacting might be interested they do it with good intentions but women seem especially spiteful when they look at a message even when it's not rude (honestly, do women really get bombarded with crude/rude intro messages?) they think "this guy is not interesting why is he even contacting me? I'll just block him because I don't like him" and that's a way to 'brickwall' people a women doesn't like on face value.

For me, if I think a person contacting me is fake, I do an assessment of whether it pans out based on a bunch of factors and block when the factors stack up to a conclusive determination of a fake profile (which usually means links to an organised crime romance scam operation that floods almost all dating sites with massive of fake presences).
 zonavar69
Joined: 8/16/2015
Msg: 75 (view)
 
THE great equilizer for us old farts?
Posted: 8/3/2018 1:52:48 AM
It seems a much more common thing now when couples go bad that they do the LATR thing for some period of time. Obviously it's not a simple deal to one day decide to split and then just simply leave that day or the next day. Just finding a place to live on your own takes forever. I'm currently looking for yet another rental as the current one is up for sale and new buyers want it vacant. Affording a place to live as a single person is a massive deal and when someone's been with someone else for a while you forget just how expensive it really is to live alone and have to pay a full cost of accomodation, utilities, food, etc.

In dates I've been on recently (none from this site - never had one out of POF yet), the subject of living arrangements rarely comes up as it's presumed that a mature person either has his/her own place already, or is renting somewhere as a single person so isn't really in a stable living arrangement.
 zonavar69
Joined: 8/16/2015
Msg: 16 (view)
 
new 'mature age' way of saying no without actually saying no
Posted: 7/19/2018 2:34:24 AM
Following on..... It's a sad reflection that this site in particular is so full of fake profiles. Perhaps because it's part of the match.com family now. Who really knows. It's interesting to see how people can't handle someone who's not fake. A few of those people have replied in this discussion thread . ;-)
 zonavar69
Joined: 8/16/2015
Msg: 15 (view)
 
new 'mature age' way of saying no without actually saying no
Posted: 7/19/2018 2:24:25 AM


Telling them that you already met someone could tend to backfire. When they see that you haven't removed your profile -- they'll return.


Not just that either - if the person says "i'm going to take a break from dating" and either explicity say they are going to disable/delete their profile, but then they don't... Doesn't that make you feel that the person has just outright lied to you? Clearly we all 'play the field' in one way or another and that's a common way for women to do it.

I know that if someone fobs me off I just ignore them and move on regardless of how often they appear to be active on the site (or another site - it's amazing how many of us have profiles on multiple sites).

Speaking of being on multiple sites, it's often the case that people might 'drop' a profile on one site but keep others going. I guess its a measure of results. If a person gets one or more apparently genuine responses even when they're just fob-off's that's going to be more enticing than being on a site where all you get is b/s contacts and 'i want to meet you' winks from people in other states or other countries.
 zonavar69
Joined: 8/16/2015
Msg: 1 (view)
 
new 'mature age' way of saying no without actually saying no
Posted: 7/18/2018 4:09:42 AM
I've come across a new 'mature age' way of saying no without saying no.....

Quite a number of contacts here and on some other sites I use have been coming back with a version of this in recent times:

"Hi nice to meet you. You sound like a great guy! I'm afraid that just today I went on a really lovely date and I'm going to see him again this weekend. I'm going to give internet dating a break for a while and see how this goes. Thanks so much for your interest and I wish you all the best in your search."

At first I thought they might be legit, and they could well be, but it seems sus that they all use a similar approach of saying 'sorry but today I went on a really nice day with someone else therefore I am not interesting in dating you' ... As a mature person you tend to have a lot more suspicion about responses that don't seem to fit in with the common expectations of the fickle world of dating that's 10x more fickle for us in the 45+ age bracket.

Anyway just putting it out there for comment.
 zonavar69
Joined: 8/16/2015
Msg: 30 (view)
 
School re-unions as a dating plaform - are they?
Posted: 7/2/2018 11:39:59 AM
I guess a re-union creates hookups because by the time you get to having been out of school for 20+ years just about everyone has a lot of very different relationship experiences and that probably means a *lot* of people with bad experiences so someone from the past they used to know is a more 'safe' bet that a numpty off the street. ;-)

I present the real me in my profile - this is not a school re-union or uni alumni site so why have a 'lingerie photo shoot' type suite of pictures which is showing off the person that you want other people to perceive you as not the actual real you.
 zonavar69
Joined: 8/16/2015
Msg: 262 (view)
 
Older men's expectations
Posted: 6/22/2018 6:48:12 PM
The main expectation I have is that a woman must accept me at face value for who and what I am, not expect me to become a 'picture' of who and what she really wants in a partner at the expense of my own real genuine identity as a person.

Because all of us in our age group have 'baggage' in one form or another (normally children from a previous relationship whether they live with us or not [mine don't]) women have to accept that we all have a lot of previous life experience and it's not always nice, so we very quickly and often will set up roadblocks because we see 'flaggable' issues triggering as the 'getting to know you more' process goes along.

I'm sure women do exactly the same sort of thing, but how women approach it might be different because of the vast gulf between the average male and female psyche.

BTW I drive a 26 year old diesel Toyota landcruiser 80 series (aka Lexus LX450) and own a few similarly old European cars that are ongoing restoration projects. The 4wd and two of the three cars are manual gearbox jobs (ie. 'stick' shift). Auto's are for lazy people. ;-)
 zonavar69
Joined: 8/16/2015
Msg: 38 (view)
 
Does anyone entertain at home anymore?
Posted: 6/22/2018 6:42:25 PM
I think lots of people do entertain at home, but when dating someone it's still a v-e-r-y big step to actually invite/ask someone to your home for the first time.

I've had first dates at people's homes and most of the time they've gone very badly. My worst one was actually the third one after I split with my ex of 15 yrs about 7 yrs ago now and this woman who I thought was just wonderful met up at her house one night and almost immediately she was all over me like a rash wanting to have sex and that absolutely scared the daylights out of me. She was beautiful, and she has a lovely place, but umm just wanting to do directly from chatting to in bed. Whoa... Maybe I'd started dating much too soon after the seperation (ex and I were never married btw) and should have just left it for at least a year before trying anything 'sexy' again.
 zonavar69
Joined: 8/16/2015
Msg: 137 (view)
 
Do You Have Success On Coffee Date Meets?
Posted: 6/22/2018 6:32:14 PM

We are talking about a 1st meet between ordinary everyday people...


Indeed. Too many people on here and every other dating site gets hooked up on the belief that every meetup has to be a 'meetcute' like scenario or like a scene out of a TV show like Bachelor/Bachelorette, etc...

I think a 'coffee date' is probably one of the best ways to initially meet someone as you are going to know within 5 minutes or less if you feel any sort of connection. I only say that having never been on a coffee date and when I was trying to actively date a few years ago I had so many bad experiences I gave up and really haven't feel the interest or need to 'pursue' meetups for the express purpose of triggering potential romantic interest.

I suppose if a person does agree to meet up then there already is an intention of triggering romantic attraction otherwise the meetup wouldn't happen in the first place. ;-) Does that sound fair? I've spent a good 1/4 of my life or more living along so the concept of continuing that doesn't scare me - so perhaps that's where I get the realistic understanding of dating being mostly a game of smoke and mirrors and nothing at all like it's painted to be on TV, etc.
 zonavar69
Joined: 8/16/2015
Msg: 1 (view)
 
School re-unions as a dating plaform - are they?
Posted: 6/22/2018 6:23:32 PM
School re-unions make me want to puke, but as mature people what do you think of them in terms of being a potential dating platform given that it supposedly 're-connects' you with past associations from high school days?

I look at a re-union like a wedding - far too many people in the same place at the same time. ;-)
 zonavar69
Joined: 8/16/2015
Msg: 76 (view)
 
The feminist man-hating agenda undertone is most women's profiles
Posted: 6/22/2018 6:17:55 PM
Yes, and it's damn difficult as a guy to take any sort of decent selfie as a guy doesn't have cleavage to show off in a photo sexy figure-flattering attire like women are gifted with, and I have facial hair because I like it and I'm comfortable with my appearance. I'm not alpha, and never try to be. I am me and my pics and profile as genuine and the real me. If it turns off 99.9 percent of women who actually chose to view my profile, that's fine. That just proves that most female profiles are actually fakes. ;-)

I don't want any feminist agendas or comparisons to ex-partners. it's pretty simple stuff but sooooo many women cannot handle a guy actually standing up and saying it because they immediately tarnish that person with a pseudo-#metoo type cloud.
 zonavar69
Joined: 8/16/2015
Msg: 122 (view)
 
Do You Have Success On Coffee Date Meets?
Posted: 6/22/2018 6:42:24 AM
No - never had success with coffee date meets but then again I've hardly had any meets full-stop. Still never had one through POF - have had a few (like more than 1 but far less than 10) through other similar sites but always don't lead to anything.
 zonavar69
Joined: 8/16/2015
Msg: 88 (view)
 
Just stop making excuses.
Posted: 6/22/2018 6:39:27 AM
If we all followed Kenny's PUA Thoughts or the likes of Vin Di-Carlo we'd believe that any woman can be 'turned on' in a way she can't resist, but a lot of that comes down to self-confidence and if you don't have that in spades your approaches are doomed as you're spotted as a loser from a mile off.

I've only every heard of the banana thing being used by women to 'signal' to other women that they are lesbian/bi and want to hook up. I couldn't see it working with guys and girls 'signalling' to each other.
 zonavar69
Joined: 8/16/2015
Msg: 67 (view)
 
The woman hating agenda undertone is most men's profiles
Posted: 6/22/2018 6:35:17 AM

Mature men are generally divorced dad's with kids


Every woman 30+ is seperated/divorced with kids. Half the problem with mature dating is that everyone has some sort of baggage, and if you deny you have any you're probably lying.

To me, a woman who's beautiful in mind and spirit is a temple, and the physical beauty isn't so important. But try finding a woman with that combination who isn't tainted by past experiences. Us men are just as tainted. I know I am and I'm the first to admit I'm not perfect in the romance and relationship department.
 zonavar69
Joined: 8/16/2015
Msg: 119 (view)
 
Do You Have Success On Coffee Date Meets?
Posted: 6/9/2018 4:22:08 AM
It's hard enough to actually convince a woman on her to agree to meet for a coffee, so really don't know as I've not yet had a real meetup from this site.
 zonavar69
Joined: 8/16/2015
Msg: 1 (view)
 
BIB method of dating....
Posted: 6/9/2018 4:20:54 AM
I used to think this was something a women used to indicate she wanted another woman, but perhaps this is just an interesting variation on that theme of how placement of a banana in one's shopping trolley signifies availability and type of interest... 8-)

"I discovered that the hottest trend to hit the dating vista was happening at my very own local supermarket. Labeled the "BIB" method, (Banana in Basket), this meet-and-greet technique is where one unattached female shopper, (dressed in skinny jeans and her favourite heels), struts her stuff down the supermarket aisles on Monday nights between 9 and 10:30pm, with a bunch of bananas in the baby seat of her trolley.

And walking down the other side of the aisle? An eligible bachelor, in his newest Polo T-shirt and faded denim jeans with his very own BIB (Banana in Basket). This signals to the female shopper that yes, he is indeed single, and looking. "

OMG do people really actually do stuff like this?
 zonavar69
Joined: 8/16/2015
Msg: 51 (view)
 
How likely would 52 y/o man be interested in 35 y/o woman?
Posted: 5/19/2018 12:11:44 AM
I hate facebook now and find it such an annoyance. Dating sites that insist/require linking to facebook such as Tinder, Bumble, etc. produce no results ever, just like here and most others.

You might get a very rare occasional first (or second if you're lucky) response, then nothing.

Given that most women 25 to 60 on all dating sites are single mums with kids, unless you are seen as a 'fit' into that existing family dynamic there's no chance of anything positive happening.

Single women with kids tend to be jaded by past relationship breakdowns, so it's a lot harder for us older men to have any chance with women in the 30 to about 55 range as that's generally the most common range where kids still live at home.

And there's the other perception too that a man who has kids that don't live with him is a 'dud' parent figure. Go figure. ;-) I'd be really suspicious of being approached by a woman more than about 10 yrs younger (so younger than about 40) but I've never been 'chased' by any woman so really have no idea what that would be like, or how to react to it.
 zonavar69
Joined: 8/16/2015
Msg: 1 (view)
 
The feminist man-hating agenda undertone is most women's profiles
Posted: 5/18/2018 11:24:16 PM
Mature women are generally single mums with kids. We all know that when approaching someone mature there's going to be baggage of some kind. The type I can't stand the most is single women who almost 'hold a grudge' against men in general and present a feminist man-hating agenda.

It seems to be incredibly common because women are jaded by past relationship breakdowns and/or have been 'jilted' somewhere along the pathway through life.

Seriously - get over it and start accepting us mature guys for what we are - people with a lot of life experience and (in general) a cool head for common sense and decency.
 zonavar69
Joined: 8/16/2015
Msg: 15 (view)
 
Mirror, mirror on the wall...
Posted: 4/7/2018 1:04:04 AM
Hardest thing I find is that my work (irregular shiftwork - industrial job - casual - no predictable roster) wrecks any chance to have any kind of normal social life. Has been that was for 25 years (except mostly in full-time employment not casual).

As an older person (50 this year!) women on here have kids and will have already one one or many previous partners, and men like myself are just confused because every profile seems fake and women's expectations at the 40+ range seem to be impossible to pin down.

If anything, dis-illusionment is the biggest factor. It's a form of depression I suppose, but all we can do is embrace who/what we are and put the honest picture of ourselves out there realising that 1 percent of men are the 'alpha' type that 100 percent of the women on dating sites want, and alpha types almost never use (or need to use!) dating sites! Kind of knocks the legs out from the horse before the horse has even had a chance to stand up...
 zonavar69
Joined: 8/16/2015
Msg: 6 (view)
 
Saw this on someone's profile, if you click MeetMe, so see you they must upgrade..
Posted: 3/13/2018 5:02:07 PM
All I ever get through the 'meet me' thing is fake/scam/spam profile responses.

This is one of the prime features on most dating sites that is used to seduce people to subscribe to high-end paid services because until you do subscribe you're blocked from most things. POF at least lets you see profiles. Doesn't mean it's any less flooded with scam and fake profiles though! Romance scamming is massive business nowadays.
 zonavar69
Joined: 8/16/2015
Msg: 34 (view)
 
How likely would 52 y/o man be interested in 35 y/o woman?
Posted: 3/13/2018 4:58:34 PM
I'm almost 50, and I'm honestly normally looking for people within a 5 year range either side (so 45 to 55) but my past relationships have all been with women 7 to 8 yrs younger than myself.

35 y/o is considered 'mature' by most people I think, and someone around 50 is also 'mature' so the age factor probably isn't such a big issue as it would be for a 60+ y/o dating a 20-something.

Fitness level is an interesting one - obviously age had a big role in reduction of fitness physically (which also means sexually) but often if someone believes/feels in their mind they are younger than their actual age they can have very good physical/sexual fitness coupled with very awesome moral/emotional grounding.

I hope this helps.
 zonavar69
Joined: 8/16/2015
Msg: 32 (view)
 
Are there any Stepfords who aren't churchy?
Posted: 1/26/2018 11:38:36 PM

I'd really like someone to sit silently in the corner looking pretty and only come when I call her. Problem is that every one of those that I have ever met came with Jesus.


Eharmony is the Christian dating website of choice - it advertises itself as being all about 'commitment' and 'values'. POF is not. Tinder is not. Badoo is not. is not. RSVP is not. Born-again bible bashers are fishing in the wrong pond if they're on this site! 8-)

But one thing I see is a *lot* of people call themselves 'christian' almost like it's a 'missile defence shield' against non-religious people. They're easy to skip over. I'm non-religious and don't hide it.
 zonavar69
Joined: 8/16/2015
Msg: 17 (view)
 
Never been married suddenly at 50 you wanna marry someone REALLY
Posted: 1/26/2018 11:31:40 PM
I never want to get married. I guess that makes me odd in terms of mature men.

In my last long term relationship of 15 years (out of which I have three great now teenage kids) I was not married and had no intention of it. My ex partner got married (after she and I split up) to the guy she was sleeping with behind my back which was the main cause of the relationship ending. They now live together with my kids. My kids hate it.

I suppose it would seem strange to a woman for a guy who confesses to having never being married before wanting to get married now when he's 50+ (I'm 49 btw).

I cannot stand people who equate 'marriage' to 'showing commitment' and if someone's never been married they cannot fathom or conceptualise what a religious person sees as 'true commitment through marriage'.
 zonavar69
Joined: 8/16/2015
Msg: 234 (view)
 
Women on POF with kids
Posted: 11/25/2017 3:02:33 AM

the main freedom that exists is porking others.


You must be one of the lucky few men using POF who do actually get to 'pork' women in normal every day life. ;-) For many of us it's something that's rare (is for me - last 10 years probably 3 to 4 times a year at best) but nice to wish for hey.

Hardest thing is looking at all of the search results and considering any of them genuine. 99.9999999 pct that show up are fake, and that gives very poor odds for finding people who actually respond, seem genuine, and are willing to communicate more than once back and forth.
 zonavar69
Joined: 8/16/2015
Msg: 453 (view)
 
Why do older Men think like they are teenagers. Wanting to know about Sex first?
Posted: 11/7/2017 8:40:16 PM
Dating sites, esp. this one and others in the match.com portfolio, are sex hookup sites. Pure and simple. No point pretending they aren't just a different version of Tinder, etc.
 zonavar69
Joined: 8/16/2015
Msg: 231 (view)
 
Women on POF with kids
Posted: 11/7/2017 8:37:03 PM
Almost every woman in our age group has kids. It's a given that every women, regardless of whether the profile is fake or not, has kid connections.

If a women in our age group says she has no children, that would be quite unusual, but there definitely are women 40+ who have never had children.

What you need to watch out for is women 40+ saying they want kids (or more kids). Red flag.
 zonavar69
Joined: 8/16/2015
Msg: 136 (view)
 
MARKUS AKA BIG FISH IS BEHIND THE CARNAGE HERE
Posted: 11/7/2017 8:33:07 PM
Why would Markus care? POF is owned by match.com and match owns a huge number of other dating sites so what happens on one site is just a very tiny part of the massive profits match.com makes from all the men subscribing to paid services (admittedly I'm one) hoping to increase their 'get lucky' chances. As everyone will testify to, it's really a myth and only a very small percentage of people find genuine lasting connections. That's why dating sites are so immensely profitable and lucrative to own.
 zonavar69
Joined: 8/16/2015
Msg: 34 (view)
 
is it any different over 45 than over 30?...
Posted: 7/22/2017 2:09:38 PM

I also think the 40 and 50 yo men that are still wanting children are crazy! I'm like, no! I am in my 40s and am NOT starting over, thank you! Lol


There are many women who are 40+ that have not had children and have been wanting to find the right person and/or have been going down the very hard road of IVF failures then the next level which is donor eggs to try and achieve a successful pregnancy and happy child. Then there are plenty of mature women who have consciously chosen to not have a family.

Both of those are almost unheard of on most dating sites where most of the profiles presented for women 30+ are almost all single women divorced or seperated with kids. Especially when you're seeking for the same sort of age range as oneself and not trying for the 20-somethings as I guess some guys probably do.

It's wrong to presume that every women who's 40+ has children already, and if not doesn't want them. For some, they can't have them due to medical issues, whereas for others they just never were at the right place/time in their life with the right person.

A woman's fertility drops off from mid-30's and by early 40's onwards there is less than 5 percent chance compared to when she was in her 20's.

Then you get people like fitness TV celeb Michelle Bridges (look up 12WBT and Commando and Sage Institute of Fitness for the goss) who was pregnant at 45 and becomes a 'poster woman' for the mature-age 'family-first' brigade.

Each to their own.
 zonavar69
Joined: 8/16/2015
Msg: 30 (view)
 
is it any different over 45 than over 30?...
Posted: 7/15/2017 2:38:19 PM
I think people's perceptions do change a lot when they're more mature (physically at least), and have more life experience behind them. I personally as a nearly 50 y/o male have zero interest in chasing women half my age. I couldn't get them when I was that age range, so why would I try now? 8-) I'd be immediately labelled as a sexual predator and/or pervert and then that label sticks forever.

Having said that, it's just as difficult to 'catch' an ideal person at 45+ as it is for someone 20 or 30. Location, lifestyle, goals/desires, etc. all have a more 'wise' focus and generally there's almost always going to be children involved which is a lot less likely to be the case for the sub-30 y/o age group.
 zonavar68
Joined: 8/16/2015
Msg: 1 (view)
 
How do you learn how/when to try initiating intimacy with someone?
Posted: 6/15/2017 11:42:30 PM
How do you learn how to initiate intimacy etc. and how do you overcome an extreme fear of attempting to initiate it? How do you know when is supposedly a good time, and when is a bad time, to suggest an interest in being intimate?

For the record, I'm 49 and really do not understand anything about it. I'm super-super-super frightened to try to trigger an intimate experience and cannot read/understand a woman's body language to know if I'm wasting my time or not.
 zonavar68
Joined: 8/16/2015
Msg: 5 (view)
 
Getting blocked by someone for no apparent reason
Posted: 6/15/2017 11:18:21 PM
I'm just about to cancel my EH account as it's just a dead lame duck.

Ironically I very rarely get blocked by anyone on that, and rarely here to. I try to write intro messages that are positive and related to the contents of the person's profile.
 zonavar68
Joined: 8/16/2015
Msg: 1 (view)
 
Getting blocked by someone for no apparent reason
Posted: 6/15/2017 4:19:27 AM
Anyone been mysteriously blocked for no apparent reason?

Started chatting to a lovely person two days ago - had three messages back and forth each. Tonight go to send another message and get 'you have been blocked. find someone else' when I tried to send it.

Guess the distance thing again might have done it? Person was about 200 km away (which is nothing really in rural Australia) and the messages I'd got back were nothing but awesome.

Anyway guess it was nice while it lasted...
 zonavar68
Joined: 8/16/2015
Msg: 62 (view)
 
Totally out of left field replies to intro messages
Posted: 4/8/2017 3:21:55 AM
Used to all the normal sort of 'not interested' responses, but got a new one today!

"I feel I am suited more to the professional type." It also included the standard 'I am only wanting someone *local*' disclaimer meaning that being about 2 hrs away and a few hundred km is too far.

ie. I'm not an Elite Single or a Beautiful Person lol. ;-) I'm not a doctor, lawyer, engineer, banker, politician, law enforcement officer, etc... Just been a professional heavy transport worker doing shiftwork for the past 30 yrs. Guess that's not 'professional' since I'm not a manager. double lol.

Oh well, move right along.
 zonavar68
Joined: 8/16/2015
Msg: 18 (view)
 
Asperger's: a big red flag?
Posted: 4/4/2017 7:09:01 AM

So... it's my understanding that Asperger's or any kind of autism spectrum disorder is a huge red flag in dating? Because if you can't understand flirt signals, or you don't know when you're sending them out yourself, you know right away something is wrong with that person and you won't date them. Right?


I've never been able to understand 'flirt signals' and have no idea what they are or what they mean. I've also only had less than a handful of relationships and hardly ever dated even when I wasn't 'steady' with someone.

There are *far* more men I suspect (speaking as one) who do not have any understanding of body language, etc. related to flirting, dating, sex, etc. than women. I for one absolutely hate being touched in the 'privates' area even by someone I feel really connected to. I think I'm more likely to be asexual than having high-functioning autism (what 'aspergers' actually is), but my mum famously told the women who is the mum of my teenage kids and now very much an ex that I have aspergers, but never told me or ever encouraged me to investigate my lack of romantic/sexual interest.
 zonavar68
Joined: 8/16/2015
Msg: 1 (view)
 
A woman invites you to her home - what it is meant to indicate and how do you react to it?
Posted: 4/4/2017 6:09:02 AM
If you've met up with a woman quite a number of times, had some good experiences, then she out of the blue invites you to visit where she lives, is that meant to mean she wants 'the full monty'? Or just another pre-stage in the courtship rituals of urbanised humans leading up to the shared nakedness stage of getting to know someone?
 zonavar68
Joined: 8/16/2015
Msg: 21 (view)
 
7 years. Nearly 8 without sex.
Posted: 4/3/2017 4:57:52 AM
When my long-term partner or 15 yrs and I seperated (rather unpleasantly) about 6 years ago, I didn't date or have anything at all to do with women in any sort of romantic/erotic capacity for about 3 years. Sure I did the 'mrs palmer' thing but even that wasn't regular. I just had zero interest in sex for a long time (at least a year) before very gradually feeling like it was something that interested me again.

Even now it's very irregular. Less than a handful of times a year would be the best I get. But I find I just don't 'need' sex most of the time. Partly my work (very irregular hours, no predicable roster, etc.) which always makes me very tired and low on stamina, partly I just don't socialise much or at all (because of work), partly because I don't feel/understand how the emotional/romantic stuff is supposed to work as I feel I've never understood it, don't make friends, and normally live alone. I don't have any regular female friends that I'd be likely to have any chance of intimacy with most of the time. I never go out socially 'at random' and don't try picking up women (since the thought of doing that makes me feel sick - especially when I think about how good it might end up!).

YMMV of course and everyone's got different reasons for why they might not have a regular sex life.
 zonavar68
Joined: 8/16/2015
Msg: 1 (view)
 
Are you able to use orgasm control? How did you learn?
Posted: 4/3/2017 4:47:39 AM
I keep reading about 'orgasm control' where you use specific techniques to control when/how. For me as a guy it's somewhat of a holy grail that apparently overcomes the problem of refractory period (which for me is about 24 hrs). It has application for women too.

Good basic explanation of it here:

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Orgasm_control

I've experienced some of the aspects on occasion but purely by accident without any deliberate intention to cause it. I've never ever been able to do it when being intimate with a partner, and normally I'm extremely reluctant to have a partner really touch my privates.

Anyway I dunno how much it gets talked about. As a way to make adult sexual interaction more enjoyable and inclusive it's got to be a Good Thing, but it might not be for everyone.
 zonavar68
Joined: 8/16/2015
Msg: 23 (view)
 
The distance dilemma
Posted: 4/3/2017 4:36:43 AM
Dunno what it's like in the USA, etc. but here in Australia where the land area is the size of mainland USA with 1/10th the population, there's far more 'clumping' of urban concentration. I moved 500 km (ironically away from where there is part of that big concentration) to get my job to a town with about 5000 people. I do very irregular shiftwork, so combined with distance the other big killer is my availability (or lack of) for any sort of regular connectivity with someone new.

Not saying they're insurmountable problems, but they're the two biggest issues with living in a smallish country town many hours away from any large town or city, etc.

Someone earlier mentioned FF points and air travel to get to distant parts of the country. Another aspect of Oz with big landmass and low population is very low (compared to USA) availability of domestic air transport. Nearest regional airport to me is an hr away.

With my shiftwork comes never being very social and that's an aspect that's really difficult to overcome, since meeting a local person would definitely make the distance issue redundant. Sadly the sort of hours I work and the ad-hoc nature of the rostering turns off everyone I tell about my job (even though it's very good income - around A$100k a year is possible).

 zonavar68
Joined: 8/16/2015
Msg: 1 (view)
 
The distance dilemma
Posted: 3/26/2017 6:27:12 PM
How do you handle the 'distance dilemma'. You know - you message someone lovely - they message back saying that you are absolutely wonderful but too far away.

When you are living in a place that's got a small population (in my case about 5000 total for the town and surrounds) and the nearest big city is about 2 hrs away does that cause problems because the only way you can find a decent range of new matches is expanding the search to take in that big city. Then you get loads of 'you are nice but sorry I only want someone "local"' responses.

I think this is a bigger problem for us (in the mature age group) because so many people are 'established' and in the case of women often have children so reluctance to consider anyone more than 15 minutes away is very high.

Anyway chucking this open...
 zonavar68
Joined: 8/16/2015
Msg: 45 (view)
 
Long distance relationships
Posted: 3/26/2017 3:18:10 PM
The problem I've had with long-distance relationships is the whole trust thing. After my ex of 15 yrs blew it by sleeping with her (our) neighbour (who she's now married to) when I had to live away from the family due to my work situation, I've found it's much harder now to trust the other person and it devalues the whole adult relationship thing and especially any nuance about romance, marriage, ec.

I continually worry about the other person playing around when I can do SFA about it simply because living away from your partner means you just cannot get any time to spend with that person in the normal course of events except when taking a deliberate break from work (generally unpaid especially in the current job climate especially here in Oz where full-time jobs are impossible to win). It doesn't make the time actually spent with the person seem more valuable because there's always that question of what she is getting up to in her spare time when the person she's apparently in a relationship with is unable to get a job to allow the two people to live together.

So in general I don't bother trying to be social, etc. when I live away and have a partner because I also fear that if I stray I'm going to be unfaithful and regardless of whether my partner at the time plays around I'll be blamed because I (as the guy) played around. It's next to impossible to find anyone 'local' to have relationships with simply due to the nature of my work which means most people I try to form friendships with in regular day to day activities can't get their head around the irregularity of the shiftwork. So much of the time staying as a 'single' works best.

BTW I've had a semi-successful LAT (Living Apart Together) relationship with a lady that I discovered through a dating site (different to this one) but it was very difficult to keep the 'feeling' and any active attempt to keep it vibrant and viable was usually always met with criticism.
 zonavar68
Joined: 8/16/2015
Msg: 19 (view)
 
Have viewed one-million dating profiles, only found two I've been interested in
Posted: 1/9/2017 4:24:45 AM
I've re-written my intro many times but it doesn't seem to matter how honest, open, presentable, attractive, etc. someone is. I probably receive actual responses to 5 percent of the message I sent out, and one fifth of those would be indicating any genuine interest. I've never worked out if that's 'normal' because I'm a late-40's guy and the 'demographic' for most dating sites always seems to be primarily 20-somethings and the older you are, the less genuine members there seem to be.

All I can do is be myself - if that's not good enough then nothing more one can do except keep trying.
 zonavar68
Joined: 8/16/2015
Msg: 49 (view)
 
How do you know when a women is flirting with you?
Posted: 1/9/2017 4:18:00 AM

The problem is, not everyone can read cues, and those people are not necessarily fools.
Or they think someone smiling at them has an ulterior motive.


That is exactly my issue. I can't read the body language, etc. and any time I think a woman is actually taking an interest I start to get suspicious and tend to react with an automatic 'fight or flight' reponse that makes me leave because I find women (especially very naturally attractive women) intimidating. ;-( I guess as a late-40's guy who's dated probably 5 women and had one really long relationship that ended badly my 'wiring' is formed to not be able to decipher genuine interest from almost 'fake' "lets hook up" signalling.
 
Show ALL Forums