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 Author Thread: Women on POF with kids
 zonavar69
Joined: 8/16/2015
Msg: 238 (view)
 
Women on POF with kids
Posted: 11/25/2017 3:02:33 AM

the main freedom that exists is porking others.


You must be one of the lucky few men using POF who do actually get to 'pork' women in normal every day life. ;-) For many of us it's something that's rare (is for me - last 10 years probably 3 to 4 times a year at best) but nice to wish for hey.

Hardest thing is looking at all of the search results and considering any of them genuine. 99.9999999 pct that show up are fake, and that gives very poor odds for finding people who actually respond, seem genuine, and are willing to communicate more than once back and forth.
 zonavar69
Joined: 8/16/2015
Msg: 459 (view)
 
Why do older Men think like they are teenagers. Wanting to know about Sex first?
Posted: 11/7/2017 8:40:16 PM
Dating sites, esp. this one and others in the match.com portfolio, are sex hookup sites. Pure and simple. No point pretending they aren't just a different version of Tinder, etc.
 zonavar69
Joined: 8/16/2015
Msg: 235 (view)
 
Women on POF with kids
Posted: 11/7/2017 8:37:03 PM
Almost every woman in our age group has kids. It's a given that every women, regardless of whether the profile is fake or not, has kid connections.

If a women in our age group says she has no children, that would be quite unusual, but there definitely are women 40+ who have never had children.

What you need to watch out for is women 40+ saying they want kids (or more kids). Red flag.
 zonavar69
Joined: 8/16/2015
Msg: 136 (view)
 
MARKUS AKA BIG FISH IS BEHIND THE CARNAGE HERE
Posted: 11/7/2017 8:33:07 PM
Why would Markus care? POF is owned by match.com and match owns a huge number of other dating sites so what happens on one site is just a very tiny part of the massive profits match.com makes from all the men subscribing to paid services (admittedly I'm one) hoping to increase their 'get lucky' chances. As everyone will testify to, it's really a myth and only a very small percentage of people find genuine lasting connections. That's why dating sites are so immensely profitable and lucrative to own.
 zonavar69
Joined: 8/16/2015
Msg: 34 (view)
 
is it any different over 45 than over 30?...
Posted: 7/22/2017 2:09:38 PM

I also think the 40 and 50 yo men that are still wanting children are crazy! I'm like, no! I am in my 40s and am NOT starting over, thank you! Lol


There are many women who are 40+ that have not had children and have been wanting to find the right person and/or have been going down the very hard road of IVF failures then the next level which is donor eggs to try and achieve a successful pregnancy and happy child. Then there are plenty of mature women who have consciously chosen to not have a family.

Both of those are almost unheard of on most dating sites where most of the profiles presented for women 30+ are almost all single women divorced or seperated with kids. Especially when you're seeking for the same sort of age range as oneself and not trying for the 20-somethings as I guess some guys probably do.

It's wrong to presume that every women who's 40+ has children already, and if not doesn't want them. For some, they can't have them due to medical issues, whereas for others they just never were at the right place/time in their life with the right person.

A woman's fertility drops off from mid-30's and by early 40's onwards there is less than 5 percent chance compared to when she was in her 20's.

Then you get people like fitness TV celeb Michelle Bridges (look up 12WBT and Commando and Sage Institute of Fitness for the goss) who was pregnant at 45 and becomes a 'poster woman' for the mature-age 'family-first' brigade.

Each to their own.
 zonavar69
Joined: 8/16/2015
Msg: 30 (view)
 
is it any different over 45 than over 30?...
Posted: 7/15/2017 2:38:19 PM
I think people's perceptions do change a lot when they're more mature (physically at least), and have more life experience behind them. I personally as a nearly 50 y/o male have zero interest in chasing women half my age. I couldn't get them when I was that age range, so why would I try now? 8-) I'd be immediately labelled as a sexual predator and/or pervert and then that label sticks forever.

Having said that, it's just as difficult to 'catch' an ideal person at 45+ as it is for someone 20 or 30. Location, lifestyle, goals/desires, etc. all have a more 'wise' focus and generally there's almost always going to be children involved which is a lot less likely to be the case for the sub-30 y/o age group.
 zonavar68
Joined: 8/16/2015
Msg: 1 (view)
 
How do you learn how/when to try initiating intimacy with someone?
Posted: 6/15/2017 11:42:30 PM
How do you learn how to initiate intimacy etc. and how do you overcome an extreme fear of attempting to initiate it? How do you know when is supposedly a good time, and when is a bad time, to suggest an interest in being intimate?

For the record, I'm 49 and really do not understand anything about it. I'm super-super-super frightened to try to trigger an intimate experience and cannot read/understand a woman's body language to know if I'm wasting my time or not.
 zonavar68
Joined: 8/16/2015
Msg: 5 (view)
 
Getting blocked by someone for no apparent reason
Posted: 6/15/2017 11:18:21 PM
I'm just about to cancel my EH account as it's just a dead lame duck.

Ironically I very rarely get blocked by anyone on that, and rarely here to. I try to write intro messages that are positive and related to the contents of the person's profile.
 zonavar68
Joined: 8/16/2015
Msg: 1 (view)
 
Getting blocked by someone for no apparent reason
Posted: 6/15/2017 4:19:27 AM
Anyone been mysteriously blocked for no apparent reason?

Started chatting to a lovely person two days ago - had three messages back and forth each. Tonight go to send another message and get 'you have been blocked. find someone else' when I tried to send it.

Guess the distance thing again might have done it? Person was about 200 km away (which is nothing really in rural Australia) and the messages I'd got back were nothing but awesome.

Anyway guess it was nice while it lasted...
 zonavar68
Joined: 8/16/2015
Msg: 63 (view)
 
Totally out of left field replies to intro messages
Posted: 4/8/2017 3:21:55 AM
Used to all the normal sort of 'not interested' responses, but got a new one today!

"I feel I am suited more to the professional type." It also included the standard 'I am only wanting someone *local*' disclaimer meaning that being about 2 hrs away and a few hundred km is too far.

ie. I'm not an Elite Single or a Beautiful Person lol. ;-) I'm not a doctor, lawyer, engineer, banker, politician, law enforcement officer, etc... Just been a professional heavy transport worker doing shiftwork for the past 30 yrs. Guess that's not 'professional' since I'm not a manager. double lol.

Oh well, move right along.
 zonavar68
Joined: 8/16/2015
Msg: 18 (view)
 
Asperger's: a big red flag?
Posted: 4/4/2017 7:09:01 AM

So... it's my understanding that Asperger's or any kind of autism spectrum disorder is a huge red flag in dating? Because if you can't understand flirt signals, or you don't know when you're sending them out yourself, you know right away something is wrong with that person and you won't date them. Right?


I've never been able to understand 'flirt signals' and have no idea what they are or what they mean. I've also only had less than a handful of relationships and hardly ever dated even when I wasn't 'steady' with someone.

There are *far* more men I suspect (speaking as one) who do not have any understanding of body language, etc. related to flirting, dating, sex, etc. than women. I for one absolutely hate being touched in the 'privates' area even by someone I feel really connected to. I think I'm more likely to be asexual than having high-functioning autism (what 'aspergers' actually is), but my mum famously told the women who is the mum of my teenage kids and now very much an ex that I have aspergers, but never told me or ever encouraged me to investigate my lack of romantic/sexual interest.
 zonavar68
Joined: 8/16/2015
Msg: 1 (view)
 
A woman invites you to her home - what it is meant to indicate and how do you react to it?
Posted: 4/4/2017 6:09:02 AM
If you've met up with a woman quite a number of times, had some good experiences, then she out of the blue invites you to visit where she lives, is that meant to mean she wants 'the full monty'? Or just another pre-stage in the courtship rituals of urbanised humans leading up to the shared nakedness stage of getting to know someone?
 zonavar68
Joined: 8/16/2015
Msg: 22 (view)
 
7 years. Nearly 8 without sex.
Posted: 4/3/2017 4:57:52 AM
When my long-term partner or 15 yrs and I seperated (rather unpleasantly) about 6 years ago, I didn't date or have anything at all to do with women in any sort of romantic/erotic capacity for about 3 years. Sure I did the 'mrs palmer' thing but even that wasn't regular. I just had zero interest in sex for a long time (at least a year) before very gradually feeling like it was something that interested me again.

Even now it's very irregular. Less than a handful of times a year would be the best I get. But I find I just don't 'need' sex most of the time. Partly my work (very irregular hours, no predicable roster, etc.) which always makes me very tired and low on stamina, partly I just don't socialise much or at all (because of work), partly because I don't feel/understand how the emotional/romantic stuff is supposed to work as I feel I've never understood it, don't make friends, and normally live alone. I don't have any regular female friends that I'd be likely to have any chance of intimacy with most of the time. I never go out socially 'at random' and don't try picking up women (since the thought of doing that makes me feel sick - especially when I think about how good it might end up!).

YMMV of course and everyone's got different reasons for why they might not have a regular sex life.
 zonavar68
Joined: 8/16/2015
Msg: 1 (view)
 
Are you able to use orgasm control? How did you learn?
Posted: 4/3/2017 4:47:39 AM
I keep reading about 'orgasm control' where you use specific techniques to control when/how. For me as a guy it's somewhat of a holy grail that apparently overcomes the problem of refractory period (which for me is about 24 hrs). It has application for women too.

Good basic explanation of it here:

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Orgasm_control

I've experienced some of the aspects on occasion but purely by accident without any deliberate intention to cause it. I've never ever been able to do it when being intimate with a partner, and normally I'm extremely reluctant to have a partner really touch my privates.

Anyway I dunno how much it gets talked about. As a way to make adult sexual interaction more enjoyable and inclusive it's got to be a Good Thing, but it might not be for everyone.
 zonavar68
Joined: 8/16/2015
Msg: 23 (view)
 
The distance dilemma
Posted: 4/3/2017 4:36:43 AM
Dunno what it's like in the USA, etc. but here in Australia where the land area is the size of mainland USA with 1/10th the population, there's far more 'clumping' of urban concentration. I moved 500 km (ironically away from where there is part of that big concentration) to get my job to a town with about 5000 people. I do very irregular shiftwork, so combined with distance the other big killer is my availability (or lack of) for any sort of regular connectivity with someone new.

Not saying they're insurmountable problems, but they're the two biggest issues with living in a smallish country town many hours away from any large town or city, etc.

Someone earlier mentioned FF points and air travel to get to distant parts of the country. Another aspect of Oz with big landmass and low population is very low (compared to USA) availability of domestic air transport. Nearest regional airport to me is an hr away.

With my shiftwork comes never being very social and that's an aspect that's really difficult to overcome, since meeting a local person would definitely make the distance issue redundant. Sadly the sort of hours I work and the ad-hoc nature of the rostering turns off everyone I tell about my job (even though it's very good income - around A$100k a year is possible).

 zonavar68
Joined: 8/16/2015
Msg: 1 (view)
 
The distance dilemma
Posted: 3/26/2017 6:27:12 PM
How do you handle the 'distance dilemma'. You know - you message someone lovely - they message back saying that you are absolutely wonderful but too far away.

When you are living in a place that's got a small population (in my case about 5000 total for the town and surrounds) and the nearest big city is about 2 hrs away does that cause problems because the only way you can find a decent range of new matches is expanding the search to take in that big city. Then you get loads of 'you are nice but sorry I only want someone "local"' responses.

I think this is a bigger problem for us (in the mature age group) because so many people are 'established' and in the case of women often have children so reluctance to consider anyone more than 15 minutes away is very high.

Anyway chucking this open...
 zonavar68
Joined: 8/16/2015
Msg: 45 (view)
 
Long distance relationships
Posted: 3/26/2017 3:18:10 PM
The problem I've had with long-distance relationships is the whole trust thing. After my ex of 15 yrs blew it by sleeping with her (our) neighbour (who she's now married to) when I had to live away from the family due to my work situation, I've found it's much harder now to trust the other person and it devalues the whole adult relationship thing and especially any nuance about romance, marriage, ec.

I continually worry about the other person playing around when I can do SFA about it simply because living away from your partner means you just cannot get any time to spend with that person in the normal course of events except when taking a deliberate break from work (generally unpaid especially in the current job climate especially here in Oz where full-time jobs are impossible to win). It doesn't make the time actually spent with the person seem more valuable because there's always that question of what she is getting up to in her spare time when the person she's apparently in a relationship with is unable to get a job to allow the two people to live together.

So in general I don't bother trying to be social, etc. when I live away and have a partner because I also fear that if I stray I'm going to be unfaithful and regardless of whether my partner at the time plays around I'll be blamed because I (as the guy) played around. It's next to impossible to find anyone 'local' to have relationships with simply due to the nature of my work which means most people I try to form friendships with in regular day to day activities can't get their head around the irregularity of the shiftwork. So much of the time staying as a 'single' works best.

BTW I've had a semi-successful LAT (Living Apart Together) relationship with a lady that I discovered through a dating site (different to this one) but it was very difficult to keep the 'feeling' and any active attempt to keep it vibrant and viable was usually always met with criticism.
 zonavar68
Joined: 8/16/2015
Msg: 19 (view)
 
Have viewed one-million dating profiles, only found two I've been interested in
Posted: 1/9/2017 4:24:45 AM
I've re-written my intro many times but it doesn't seem to matter how honest, open, presentable, attractive, etc. someone is. I probably receive actual responses to 5 percent of the message I sent out, and one fifth of those would be indicating any genuine interest. I've never worked out if that's 'normal' because I'm a late-40's guy and the 'demographic' for most dating sites always seems to be primarily 20-somethings and the older you are, the less genuine members there seem to be.

All I can do is be myself - if that's not good enough then nothing more one can do except keep trying.
 zonavar68
Joined: 8/16/2015
Msg: 50 (view)
 
How do you know when a women is flirting with you?
Posted: 1/9/2017 4:18:00 AM

The problem is, not everyone can read cues, and those people are not necessarily fools.
Or they think someone smiling at them has an ulterior motive.


That is exactly my issue. I can't read the body language, etc. and any time I think a woman is actually taking an interest I start to get suspicious and tend to react with an automatic 'fight or flight' reponse that makes me leave because I find women (especially very naturally attractive women) intimidating. ;-( I guess as a late-40's guy who's dated probably 5 women and had one really long relationship that ended badly my 'wiring' is formed to not be able to decipher genuine interest from almost 'fake' "lets hook up" signalling.
 zonavar68
Joined: 8/16/2015
Msg: 1 (view)
 
How do you get interested in seduction, romance and intimacy?
Posted: 1/9/2017 4:11:22 AM
How do you get interested in seduction, romance and intimacy if you can't find any enjoyment in it? Do you find you feel inadequate when it comes to romancing others and as a result feel you aren't able to make any good dating connections that can lead to more?
 zonavar68
Joined: 8/16/2015
Msg: 1 (view)
 
when is appropriate (or not) to use the word 'sexy'?
Posted: 12/23/2016 8:13:12 PM
When is it appropriate to use the word 'sexy'? When is it not?

I ask because a woman I'm good friends with told me she got sunburnt while wearing a 'racer back' style swimsuit and I commented innocently that she would have a sexy pattern on her back. She got really upset at me and told me that's disgusting and inappropriate to use 'sexy' in that context...

I was really surprised and shocked as I was trying to say something nice. Guess it's another aspect of not understanding how to 'read' signs and indications of feeling in women.

Does anyone else get told they use 'sexy' and similarly emotive intimacy-descriptors along with terms of endearment in general incorrectly, almost like the woman thinksyou're being rude in a sexual way and takes offence to the comments? Someone I wonder if there's any point try to use terms of endearment when it always seems to get interpreted differently to what I was intending. Strange social cues et al.

Have a great Christmas everyone btw!
 zonavar68
Joined: 8/16/2015
Msg: 1 (view)
 
How do you know when a women is flirting with you?
Posted: 12/21/2016 4:24:03 AM
How do you know when someone is flirting with you? Speaking as a guy who had no idea at all about flirting and wouldn't know a flirt if he saw one. I've got no idea. People talk about hair tosses, doing things with eyes, tongues, etc. and I don't get any of it.
 zonavar68
Joined: 8/16/2015
Msg: 37 (view)
 
REJECTED!!!
Posted: 11/22/2016 2:15:54 PM
Fremenies are everywhere, especially on dating sites.

They'll 'try out' multiple people then drop the ones they are least interested in.

It's not even 'friendzoning'.

I get so few replies that I've never been in the lucky position to have more than one person to consider at the same time, but I suppose that to a tiny percentage it can (and does) actually happen.

But block/delete seems like the appropriate action when it's clear you've been 'used' until 'something better' comes along. Basically just a 'romantic filler'.

Feel sorry for you - it's gotta suck and make you feel awful... Hopefully it makes you a stronger, more resiliant person.
 zonavar68
Joined: 8/16/2015
Msg: 12 (view)
 
Pre-nuptial agreements and how they apply to mature relationships
Posted: 11/11/2016 3:30:32 AM
I never had one with my ex partner of 15 years, though we weren't married either, but here in Australia after 6 months you're considered to be a 'couple' for seperation proceedings and family law matters.

She tried to get at my super, I gave her my share of the house uncontested. There was supposed to be an inheritance from my dad's estate that my ex's lawyer was trying to play into the equation. In the end I never got a cent out of that as my dad's will gave it all to my sister (about A$170k after all the legal costs came out).

I agree that pre-nup's are sort of a 'false' premise because they're built on manipulating the legal outcome if a couple seperate (or divorce if they were married) but they don't have much weight in family law court hearings here as the magistrate has powers to decided what's fair based on each partner's situation, their assets, who has the kids, etc.

In my case I have not had any custody of my now teenage children since late 2010. My ex is now married to the guy who was seeing behing my back and who was living in a rented place next door at the time (the main reason the relationship eventually ended) and I don't hold a grudge for her being happy with her new partner. I get on ok with both of them for the kids sake.
 zonavar68
Joined: 8/16/2015
Msg: 1 (view)
 
Pre-nuptial agreements and how they apply to mature relationships
Posted: 11/4/2016 5:18:57 AM
I've heard of pre-nuptial agreements before but never really cared or bothered for them and don't really know why they would be needed, but if you embarked into a new relationship as a mature person perhaps with someone you met through POF or in real life would you want to have or consider having any sort of legal agreement before there was any long-term commitment?

On that same note, do you have a will, etc. and do you always make sure that before you embark on any sort of relationship journey that it's updated to reflect your current wishes to 'protect' your assets? I don't have one at present but going to make one soon.
 zonavar68
Joined: 8/16/2015
Msg: 1 (view)
 
Anyone else in Australia actually having success?
Posted: 11/4/2016 5:07:52 AM
Who else is from Australia and has actually been successfully making connections and meeting people in real life?

I've let my paid subscription drop because it's just done SFA to improve the 'quality' of prospects in the year I had it.
 zonavar68
Joined: 8/16/2015
Msg: 17 (view)
 
when you say your not interested?
Posted: 10/17/2016 9:31:08 PM
I must be strange because when I receive replies that say "thanks but no thanks" or "I am currently seeing someone, but if that changes...." etc. which are obviously hand-crafted by the genuine person who set up the profile I am always polite and thank the person for taking the time to send a personal reply and wish them all the best. Courteous, simple, demonstrates respect for others. It never generates any follow-up's down the track as for every woman here there's 100+ guys so people that a women isn't interested in fade immediately into the fog of the ocean and we're forgotten...

The ones I won't reply to have all the hallmarks of a fake profile user - poor spelling, incorrect name and/or place names, etc. even though I looked at their profile, etc. and thought 'wow perhaps this is actually a profile of someone who is not a scammer or a fake' so decided to apply the 'benefit of the doubt' card. When it's obvious that the person hasn't even bothered to take the time to read my profile, see where I live, etc. that's block/delete time as well.

But without having any way to get valid stats, I would say that for all the female profiles that show up in search results, suggestion lists, etc. more than half have to be fakes or 'dud' accounts created by someone for someone else that never get used. That's pretty sad since I bet almost all the guy profiles are real as sites like this one are like a 'flies to honey' thing for loveless blokes, and exploiting guys via fake or otherwise shonky female profiles is extremely common. Sadly, too many guys are awfully disrespectful to women and that too shows up a lot here based on what people say about their experiences when you get talking a bit more.

 zonavar68
Joined: 8/16/2015
Msg: 17 (view)
 
Should I follow through with this date?
Posted: 10/17/2016 9:16:10 PM
A 30 minute drive to meet up with someone is nothing! If I lived in Sydney a 30 minute drive would probably get me about 15 km or less during the daytime. Where I live currently a 30 minute drive would get me to the next towns about 40 or so km away.

Definitely sounds as though language could be a barrier, but at the same time that could be something the the two of you find interesting.

That said, meeting in person straight off without talking first is probably one of the riskiest approaches. You both need to talk first before meeting, then if things seem mutually ok that's the time to try meeting up in person. Meeting at a place half-way is a sensible idea. That way it's most likely to be somewhere neutral to both parties.
 zonavar68
Joined: 8/16/2015
Msg: 21 (view)
 
What constitutes a 'cfm' indication from a woman and how are you (male or female) likely to react?
Posted: 10/17/2016 3:23:19 PM

You're 48 and have an 10+ year relationship and you are unsure of the signals women send you


Had, not have. That relationship ended quite a few years ago now.


If you are in interested, make a move.


That's probably where my demons lie. I never had any interaction/experience with women at a teenager and didn't become involved with my ex until I was in mid-20's. In high school and uni I was anti-social to the max and just didn't interact with anyone or have romantic involvements.

I find the 'make a move' part scary and frightening and as I explained in the original posting, if I woman is being suggestive with bits of her body how am I meant to know if that's a tease or an invitation to a new level? And if I decline the tease, etc. does that make me a bad person apart from having deeply-wired frigidity especially with touching and being touched intimately? I guess for most people who consider themselves 'normal' my odd affliction to intimacy is 'not normal'. Perhaps I'm asexual and should just really admit that I am and be strong in myself that it's what I am and get on with life.

All of the women I have tried to start things off with and have taken the time to comment to me remark that I'm super-resistant to ever making the first move and basically do not 'read' any of the signs that someone wants to be intimate. Or perhaps I actively ignore them.
 zonavar68
Joined: 8/16/2015
Msg: 13 (view)
 
What constitutes a 'cfm' indication from a woman and how are you (male or female) likely to react?
Posted: 10/17/2016 12:15:16 AM

Romantic relationships are negotiated, not dictated.


Perhaps I just don't really understand the whole romance deal. I was asking because to me it's just a confusing blur where I've got no idea how I'm meant to be reacting. Signalling that women do is confusing at the best of times.
 zonavar68
Joined: 8/16/2015
Msg: 7 (view)
 
What constitutes a 'cfm' indication from a woman and how are you (male or female) likely to react?
Posted: 10/16/2016 10:37:15 AM
If I knew, I wouldn't ask. Initiating intimacy scares me - a lot. So I think it's a very legit question as it bothers me that if I was to be (or appear to be) almost defensively frigid when a women indicates she wants intimacy, she might (perhaps legitimately) seek that attention from other guys and/or other women instead. It's a taboo issue I suppose which is why it gets on peoples nerves.
 zonavar68
Joined: 8/16/2015
Msg: 5 (view)
 
What constitutes a 'cfm' indication from a woman and how are you (male or female) likely to react?
Posted: 10/16/2016 10:11:11 AM
Yeah similar to 'dtf' as made infamous though Contiki 'traffic light dating' for the 18 to 35 set. In other words, she's 'signalling' (there's that stuff us guys don't understand again!) intentions of wanting to join plug with socket so-to-speak.

I've never quite understood how to react or at what point I'm meant to start to react, if I want to react. I'm almost scared to take the leap much of the time. Just me. I know that you have to 'risk it for the biscuit'...

I just noticed this appended to my original post:

"Reason for Requested Deletion: Troll post - attention seeking

4/4 have voted to delete this thread, at least 7 delete votes out of 10 are needed to auto delete this thread."

What the hell? It's not attention-seeking. I'm just asking for other people's opinions on a very sensitive almost taboo subject when it comes to dating and intimacy with someone. I honestly don't really know much about this stuff so I think it's worthy of discussing as this is after all a dating site with world-wide scope.
 zonavar68
Joined: 8/16/2015
Msg: 38 (view)
 
Do you ever get unsolicited profile suggestions from people you're not attracted to?
Posted: 10/16/2016 2:16:29 AM
I get loaded with unsolicited 'suggestions' because it's so hard to narrow down search choices to exclude both the fakes and secondly the people who don't really match you criteria but appear to be showing up anyway.

I've occasionally had unsolicited messages but in all cases they are fakes and normally very easy to figure out as fakes quickly. I've never had one genuine unsolicited intro message from someone genuinely attracted because of my profile, pics, etc.

I guess being a guy on a site where the ratio of guys to girls would have to be 100 to 1 or more, my profile could be randomly viewed a lot by female profiles that are fakes trying to scam money or somesuch for every genuine intro message.
 zonavar68
Joined: 8/16/2015
Msg: 63 (view)
 
Would you ever date someone with dreadlocks?
Posted: 10/16/2016 1:55:35 AM
Sexy beautiful 'earth girl' types with dreadlockish hair would be uber-hot and have hair in other really wonderful special places too! Natural and hairy and beautiful. Yum
 zonavar68
Joined: 8/16/2015
Msg: 1 (view)
 
Do Aussies tend to want to meet/date/etc. other Aussies or open up more?
Posted: 10/16/2016 1:36:40 AM
As an Aussie, I sort of prefer mostly to seek out other Aussies but with the huge propensity of fake profiles it's really hard to filter out the fakes and find people who seem genuine, even before factoring in that the chance of having a response to a polite message of introduction is around well over 1 in 100 or lower. ;-)

I know Australia is a very big multicultural place these days and I'm become more open to people from other lands and cultures, particularly as that diversity can be very sexy and attractive in the right mix!
 zonavar68
Joined: 8/16/2015
Msg: 1 (view)
 
What constitutes a 'cfm' indication from a woman and how are you (male or female) likely to react?
Posted: 10/16/2016 1:33:17 AM
If a woman shows you her privates (boobs or others) provocatively is that supposed to be an automatic 'cfm' indication regardless of the situation?

If a woman gets touchy feely with you and tries to or does touch a guy's privates (dunno if boobs count here are our chests don't really have 'majestic mammaries') is that supposed to be an automatic 'cfm' indication?

If you don't take up the invitation/offer/challenge (because it makes you feel squeamish to be touched, or you're not in the mood, or you just don't want sex at the time) what does that say about you as a person? Is it likely she will go seek what she wants from someone else even if she is apparently in a relationship with you? Is it likely she will start opening up to other women for intimacy instead and exclude you (as her male friend/lover/partner/whatever) from her intimate experiences?

It is 'expected' by woman that men should always automatically 'turn on' when a woman wants a man to? The urban myth is that men are supposedly always thinking about sex much more than women and that men are always wanting it and should be begging for it a lot more than women. Personally I think that's a load of bollocks. But that's just my experience.

What are other people's views on all of this?
 zonavar68
Joined: 8/16/2015
Msg: 147 (view)
 
Viagra and Cialis
Posted: 10/10/2016 8:39:46 AM
Ha ha at 18 I had no sexual interest whatsoever and really didn't know what it was. For me sexual things didn't start happening until my mid-20's. I don't have any problems (normally) in the 'woody' department, through I often do have problems in the 'endgame' department out of frustration of not being able to properly satisfy the person I'm with.
 zonavar68
Joined: 8/16/2015
Msg: 1 (view)
 
"It's all about the chemistry" sunset clause !
Posted: 10/9/2016 7:53:49 PM
One thing I see over, and over, and over, and over, again in women's profiles is statements that "it's all about the chemistry" or similar.

What does that actually mean in terms of the the Sex and Dating subject? Are women saying that regardless of everything else, if there isn't an 'instant connection' (butterflies in the tummy or whatever it's called), it's just not going to happen?
 zonavar68
Joined: 8/16/2015
Msg: 85 (view)
 
Hotwifing
Posted: 10/9/2016 7:39:32 PM
Having never been married, I don't really know what a 'hotwife' is or how to even approach that subject with someone else. ;-)
 zonavar68
Joined: 8/16/2015
Msg: 506 (view)
 
Natural and hairy women?
Posted: 10/9/2016 7:35:48 PM
Natural unshaven women - yes please. But finding that here in Australia - good luck! Here the obseccent practise of being smooth as a babies bum is pushed like it's the only way a woman can be for a guy to have any sexual interest in her. sigh.

I'm a guy and a few times in life I did actually shave my bits just to see what it felt like, but it never helped with sexual issues and never got any women more interested in me because of it. I do see how a guy being shaved makes his erection seem bigger but it's just a perception thing, and along with women being fully shaven in their privates there's this thing that unless a guy has a huge penis he's a waste of time being with.

Average penis size is 125 to 150 mm fully erect - and most guys are 'average'. Yet women want the 'bigger' guys almost always (hence the 'hotwife plus BBC' phenomenon).
 zonavar68
Joined: 8/16/2015
Msg: 116 (view)
 
weird that oral sex does nothing for me?
Posted: 10/9/2016 7:31:21 PM
I don't think it's wierd that you don't find oral sex a turn-on or interesting because I have a real dislike of anyone playing with my privates (I'm a guy) and really bizarrely find the concept of a woman being oral with my penis, etc. not a turn on. I'm in no way gay though, and have never and will never be interested in guys sexually. ;-)

I'm sure there are a lot more people out there who have strange feelings almost like asexuality in relation to certain 'accepted' ways of expressing intimate affection for someone else.
 zonavar68
Joined: 8/16/2015
Msg: 1 (view)
 
Touching or reluctance to touch or being touched when being intimate/affectionate
Posted: 10/9/2016 7:27:57 PM
Do you, or do you not, like to be touched when things are starting to get towards intimacy?

Are there certain parts/places on your body that you explicitly do not want another person to touch, regardless of whether it's for platonic or sexual reasons?

Do you not like your sexual areas touched either in certain ways or at all? If so, do you understand why?

For me, I really hate being touched around my genitals (I'm a guy) and even I don't do it myself if I feel turned on when I'm by myself.

One of the women I have been involved with absolutely hates any kind of light touching. Soft caressing, tingly, light flowing touching is completely out for her. I find that really bizarre, but perhaps less bizarre that my reluctance to touch myself or have other people touch my privates.
 zonavar68
Joined: 8/16/2015
Msg: 5 (view)
 
Fake Profiles
Posted: 9/14/2016 10:28:38 PM
Trouble is that all dating sites, because they're viewed as a prime way to sucker in unsuspecting guys, are frequented by scammers (perhaps organised crim outfits) that flood just about every dating site even the fancy ones like Eharmony with fake profiles using all manner of methods to create them.

Like spam email, after a long time filtering good from bad you become atuned to working out the real ones from the less-real ones. Sadly due to the skewed membership of most sites (100+ guys for every supposed girl profile) you tend to look at almost all profiles as potential fakes until you might one day strike it lucky.
 zonavar68
Joined: 8/16/2015
Msg: 31 (view)
 
Views on sex toys and place that sell them as a mature (experienced!?) person
Posted: 9/14/2016 10:22:19 PM
He he - I've never been into a sex shop personally, but they're generally quite obvious from the way the front looks startlingly similar to some brothels with the red/pink/blue lights, etc. though not always.

I haven't been with any woman who has or uses (or admits to having or using) sex toys and really don't know how I'd even ask a woman about that in case things went horribly wrong... I honestly don't know any stats on that, or if there have every been any stats collected about that.

That aside, are sexy toys considered by most mature, life-experienced (not necessarily sexually experienced) people as a *replacement* for a real human partner (or partners/playthings/fwbs/etc.), or an an *adjunct* to intimacy with other people, or somewhere in between a bit like having sexual fluidity to some degree?... I hope that makes some sense!
 zonavar68
Joined: 8/16/2015
Msg: 190 (view)
 
For the guys: Do girls message you first?
Posted: 9/14/2016 10:13:00 PM
The only time I've had messages purporting to be from women as the initial step they've all been fakes, and it's not just this site where that happens. It occurs even on the fancy ones like Eharmony, etc.. Normally very easy to tell as being fakes because the profile looks wrong, the pics don't look right (or there aren't any), the text has lots of non-English style obvious grammatical errors, the profile is empty and none of the data is filled in, etc.

Or the big one - the person gives you an email and/or phone number straight off with a really cheesy 'you look sexy' line.

I can't recall a time in life ever (on a site like this or in real life) when a woman has approached me to make the initial contact/greeting! Sad but true fact for just about all guys I think.
 zonavar68
Joined: 8/16/2015
Msg: 8 (view)
 
Trying to have children after a lady is 40
Posted: 8/30/2016 2:55:49 AM

Having a talk with your partner "because of the age where fertility naturally declines" is demeaning and not necessary. Have you even tried to have a baby?


I have three kids all teenagers from the time with my ex partner. They don't (and can't) live with me for various reasons and are about 300 km away (where my ex partner lives with her new husband in the house she and I used to own together).

But I wasn't talking about this in terms of myself.

I know women who work in reproductive health so I've got plenty of sources to get information from.
 zonavar68
Joined: 8/16/2015
Msg: 356 (view)
 
Survey says...Jaded!
Posted: 8/27/2016 11:22:24 PM
I haven't encontered any issues related to job per-se, but I very definitely have encountered huge issues related to my shiftwork (highly variable, on 24/7 operational rosters) which means I am rarely if ever available to meet people with regularity.

That, combined with the distance issues associated with living in a country town, pretty much writes off all of the potential matches who might otherwise have been positively interested.

I never lie about my age though. That's just stupid.
 zonavar68
Joined: 8/16/2015
Msg: 104 (view)
 
Do you hide your political affiliation on dates?
Posted: 8/21/2016 11:15:34 PM
We just had the stupidest federal election ever here in Australia a month ago after the incumbent party didn't get it's way forcing new legislation through the parliament and forced an election via a 'double-dissolution' trigger (don't know if that exists in the US political system).

I hate politics and tend not to talk about it even with close friends, so I especially don't talk about it with anyone else unless they raise the topic first and invite comment. On a date talking about politics unless it's light-hearted and part of the flirtation wouldn't seem to be a very positive productive thing to me.
 zonavar68
Joined: 8/16/2015
Msg: 73 (view)
 
Marriage
Posted: 8/19/2016 9:58:34 PM

Because marriage is the ultimate act of love between people who actually love each other.


Why?

And why is 'marriage' be it viewed as a goddy concept or not the 'ultimate' act of love? Commitment doesn't improve just because of a public betrothal, silver/gold ring thing, signing a piece of paper, etc. It's far far deeper.


People simply don't want to accept factually common sense truisms.


No. People are able to make up their own view on things - not be told how to think. Having the freedom to want (or not) marriage is exercising that freedom of choice.
 zonavar68
Joined: 8/16/2015
Msg: 62 (view)
 
Marriage
Posted: 8/19/2016 9:01:47 AM

If a person tells you they love you but they don't want to marry you, they are telling you they don't love you enough to want to marry you. Can this really be denied?


This, I think, is the great problem with the perception of marriage. Why do you have to get married at all? What does marriage actually mean? As a guy who doesn't understand body language, female 'signalling', nuances of romance/intimacy/etc. I view everything from a completely practical perspective.

Marriage is still and always will be a very highly 'goddy' concept. I'm distinctly non-goddy (hence why sites such as eharmony which are 110 percent 'goddy' don't work at all for folks like me), and do not see any value in marriage.

Isn't love meant to transcend all 'human concepts'? If you genuinely love someone, and the other person genuinely loves you, why do you need or have to do any form of 'public vow demonstration' and what does that actually do to make the relationship better (or worse)?

My parents divorced when I was 12. Over time I lost contact with my dad and never saw him again (he's now passed on RIP dad). Once I moved out of home with my now-ex I lost contact with mum but slowly I'm restoring that as she's getting on but I never, ever, raise the topic of dad or what really was going on. All I remember is dad used to come home drunk a lot, beat up on mum, and had affairs. I pretty much wrote off marriage as any sort of viable love-enhancing concept from then on and that's probably where my social reclusion comes from.

I have trouble being out with a big group of people, and a wedding would be a big group of people. Even if it's mostly people I knew, the public gold/silver ring thing with rock etc. is a frightening concept!
 
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