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 Author Thread: Best Place You've Ever Been?
 kbodley
Joined: 11/26/2008
Msg: 36 (view)
 
Best Place You've Ever Been?
Posted: 9/10/2010 8:12:46 PM
Hmmmmmm! I wonder if people from Europe, Australia, Germany, . . . would offer places in the USA as answers to this question??

I find it interesting that no one offers anyplace in our beautiful country as best of something?????
 kbodley
Joined: 11/26/2008
Msg: 11 (view)
 
Will You Change
Posted: 8/3/2010 7:50:48 PM

Another element of this discussion is the idea that if the Federal Government were to take control of healthcare, the auto industry, and banking, things will be handled in a fairer more efficient manner...the greatest farce ever sold to the American people, there is no empirical data to support this notion. Our fore fathers were quite aware of what would happen if the Federal Government was not held in check, and restricted from gaining too much power and authority...you would have what we have today...you would have Europe.


Please tell me where you are getting your information! I have never heard anyone in the administration talk about "taking control of healthcare." I believe that what the Obama administration was hoping to offer was a "public option." Otherwise, let the rest of us (who are without employer funded health insurance) opt in to the same marketplace as federal employees enjoy! The reason the health insurance industry is so opposed to this program is that they are well aware that when uninsured and small businesses find out what small premiums the federal employees are enjoying, there will be a massive uprising against the health insurance industry as a whole! Anyone who doesn't believe that the American public is being taken to the cleaners by the health insurance (and medical providers - hospitals, pharmaceutical companies, etc.) is just foolish!
 kbodley
Joined: 11/26/2008
Msg: 10 (view)
 
Will You Change
Posted: 7/30/2010 8:52:30 PM
Well, Kowboi and Gemguy, I swore that I wouldn't get dragged into any more debates on politics or relgion on this forum - but this is an issue that touches too close to home!

My son, age 23, has Type 1 Diabetes - used to be called Juvenile Diabetes. From the time he was 8 months old until he was 22 he was covered under his dad's health insurance at work. We paid approximately $114/month to cover him on the day that he turned 23 - then the same doctors, pharmacy, prescription coverage, etc. cost usn $271/month!

Do we desparately need health care reform? Absolutely!

Is the bill that was passed the be all and end all? Of course not!

Is it a start in the right direction? Let's hope so!
 kbodley
Joined: 11/26/2008
Msg: 1 (view)
 
Do hidden forums make you visit less often?
Posted: 4/29/2010 8:49:43 PM
Just curious really - I have found that now that I have to search for the forums, and there are fewer visitors and posts, I find that I am not dropping by POF as often.

I tell myself that I belong to POF for the ability to search and possibly meet that one special person, but find that with less activity on the forums, I tend to visit other sites more often.

Just wondering what other's experience has been?
 kbodley
Joined: 11/26/2008
Msg: 140 (view)
 
What do you think about men our age with small kids??
Posted: 3/15/2010 7:06:17 PM

are there children, grand-children, elderly parents or relatives who might possibly be coming to live with us in the near future? I know that you can't foresee everything but getting the basics out of the way is a first step in the right direction.


I think these are a couple of really good points! It is crucial that before you enter into a relationship with anyone, you discuss what is important in their lives, including their children, extended family, and pets! I have met several guys that - after a couple of conversations - it was obvious they would not be happy on a beach vacation that included the kids, grandkids, brothers, parents, dogs and all! While this is certainly not how I spend every weekend, I certainly would not consider getting involved with someone who wouldn't enjoy that type of family interaction!

I also think that if you meet a guy that has young children - whether he has custody or not - you need to understand that his obligation to them comes before his obligation to you! If you can't deal with that, then you should move on!
 kbodley
Joined: 11/26/2008
Msg: 160 (view)
 
Independent Women
Posted: 3/13/2010 8:45:32 AM
Is it possible that both women and men today are no more or less "happy" than they were a 100 years ago? Is it possible that the difference today is that we (both men and women) are free to change our lives if we are "not" happy?

In my honest opinion, if we are happy and confident in ourselves, happy with the lives we have built, then we are truly ready to find someone who will enhance and add to that life. At that point, we should be able to give of ourselves to someone else who has also built a life that is happy, fulfilled and comfortable.

And - if we are honest with the people that we meet, we won't be worrying about whether or not they are worried about the divorce rate today as compared to a 100 years ago!
 kbodley
Joined: 11/26/2008
Msg: 48 (view)
 
Accumulation versus simplifying - which phase are you in ?
Posted: 3/1/2010 12:08:13 PM

when you get to be our age...materialistic stuff should not be important
you realize family and friends are priceless, possessions are easy to get but love of family and friends are not. i would not date a person who was bobsessed with what they have to me itI ha is what you can offer to me that is what i am looking for
life is too short i used to be materialistic but i have realized that is not what life is about


Actually, I think when you get to be our age, you should be able to realize that what works for some may not work at all well for others. I have a brother who can load all of his possessions in the back seat of his Tahoe and that's just great for him! He is happy and healthy and content with his minimalist lifestyle!

As for me, I don't shop in the finest stores (in fact my house is pretty much furnished in early garage sale). I love the clearance rack and the after Christmas sales. I have never had enough discretionary income to accumulate a lot of valuable, materialistic, junk. I love my children, grandchildren, friends and family.

However, I know myself well enough to realize that coming home at the end of a long day to a comfortable home, pouring myself a glass of wine in a nice wine glass as opposed to a plastic cup, and having a good steak served on a nicely matched set of dinner ware goes a long way to allowing me to sit back and enjoy the evening.

I don't think I am particularly "materialistic" but rather I enjoy the fact that at this stage of my life I recognize that part of my contentment is enjoying the small amount of comfort that I have earned through hard work and determination!

So for those of you who have the urge to shed all for the sake of simplification! More power to you! But for those of us who have worked hard to earn our accumulated junk - hooray for us! I worked for it! I earned it! I spent many years making do with less because I simply couldn't afford anything else! At my age I intend to enjoy the small comforts that I have the income to support!
 kbodley
Joined: 11/26/2008
Msg: 47 (view)
 
Don't throw that out you can use it later for something.
Posted: 3/1/2010 11:53:52 AM

I wish I could reach out to all of you "simplifies" and take in your energy...it would feel so refreshing.
I know, I hear there is power in prayer. Maybe you can pray for me.
If you respond to this please be gentle. I am new here at POF and the Forums.
Thanks for reading and letting me vent!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!


Prayer headed your way! But, could I make what might be a more concrete suggestion? Your son and your mother love you! They probably understand the pain that you are still stuck in with regard to your brother. Call them up and invite them to meet you for coffee or a burger someplace outside of the house (because while confession may be good for the soul, they may need a little preparation to help you deal with this). Ask for their help and understanding. Work with them to set up some guidelines that will help you approach this clean up in a non-judgemental process. (If you don't think your family will be able to approach this in a non-judgemental manner, do you have a close friend that could be your support group.)

Perhaps agree that you will pick one room at a time and they will agree not to comment on your progress, or lack thereof.

Agree to throw out one trash container of garbage from that room every week.

Agree to fill one large tote with items that can be donated from that room every week.

Pick a reward that will make you feel better at the end of every room.

If that doesn't help, call your church, or your county mental health agency and see if they can refer you to someone who will help you regain control of your life and fight your way through the depression.

For those of us who have found ourselves stuck in depression, it can be hard to admit that we can't seem to get out of the hole we have buried ourselves in on our own. Don't be afraid to ask for help. Once you do you might just find that everyone was just waiting for you to reach out.

Anyway, hope this helps. Prayers are good. Taking the first step, even if it's a small one is better.
 kbodley
Joined: 11/26/2008
Msg: 37 (view)
 
Accumulation versus simplifying - which phase are you in ?
Posted: 2/27/2010 8:41:31 AM
I have a rule that I live by, and use whenever I get the urge to clean out a closet, cupboard or the proverbial "junk" room.

When I pick up an item I ask myself three questions:
1. Do I use this item on a regular basis? Yes, keep it. No go to question #2.
2. Does it make my heart happy? No - get rid of it. Yes, go to question #3
3. Realizing that it makes my heart happy, does it cause me any inconvenience to keep it? No - keep it and enjoy it. Yes - then I must decide if the pleasure that I get from hanging on to the item is sufficient to warrant the inconvenience.

For years I have lived with the adage that one can never have too many cookbooks or teapots! However, my last move made me realize that perhaps I had accumulated too many of both to really enjoy them. Consequently, I went through my collection and trimmed them down to only those that I felt were really special, or that I use regularly. Now, when I am tempted at an antique store or estate sale to pick up either a new cookbook or teapot, I ask whether I'm willing to give up one that I already own in order to add the new one.

So - back to the original question. Accumulate vs. simplify? Somewhere in the middle. I enjoy the possessions that I have today. My house is comfortable and represents me and my personality. I am past the age where I need to prove anything to anyone.

Now, were I to find someone who I found more interesting than a cookbook or teapot???? Well, so far that hasn't happened! Who knows!!!
 kbodley
Joined: 11/26/2008
Msg: 5 (view)
 
First Date Rules??
Posted: 2/20/2010 5:33:18 PM

My rule is that I don't judge someone on the first date, if the attraction is there and nothing too bad happened on the first date I give it a second chance knowing I used to be that person who was terrible on first dates.


Perhaps we can change this focus a little? What makes a good first date? What could we do or not do that would lead to that second date? Many of us are very out of practice - or we never were very good at - first dates, so what advice would you offer that would help a first date lead to a second?
 kbodley
Joined: 11/26/2008
Msg: 4 (view)
 
First Date Rules??
Posted: 2/19/2010 7:29:58 PM
Oh, goodness! I think I felt the earth move! Something that Wild and I finally agree on! (Just kidding!)

Actually, I posted my list, not because I have these "hard and fast" rules, but more because I was beginning to wonder if my expectations were outdated or too old fashioned.

I am glad to see that most of you seem to agree with me.

As far as the phone call goes, I am not so naive as to expect that I should never have to pick up the phone, but I find it amazing that so many men my age seem to have developed the expectation that they should be able to sit back and 'be pursued' rather than being assertive and taking the lead.

Anyway, good to know that we all seem to be pretty much on the same page.
 kbodley
Joined: 11/26/2008
Msg: 1 (view)
 
First Date Rules??
Posted: 2/18/2010 8:49:48 PM
I am curious as to what other POFers think regarding first dates. I have been somewhat astounded by quite a few of the first dates that I have been on, so am wondering whether or not other POF women have similar expectations? So - for the record - here are a few of my first date rules:

1. I don't care whether you are meeting me at a coffee shop or a 5-star restaurant, please take the time to put on a clean, wrinkle free shirt. Comb your hair. Shave. In other words, please look like you made an effort to put your best foot forward.

2. Offer to buy a refreshment. If price is an issue, then choose a place for a first date that is affordable. I don't care if you choose McDonalds, or the Chart House, but don't make sure you arrive before me - get yourself a drink - and then leave it up to me to buy my own, or go without! This isn't a money issue. The point is that if you want to impress me, as much as I want to impress you, then take care of me!

3. Please be prepared to spend our first date telling me about yourself. Who you are? What is important to you. What are your goals? What are you looking for in a relationship? Please don't think that I want to spend the evening talking about what turns you on (even if it's about me)! I don't know you well enough to spend an hour in a public place talking about what turns me on! That conversation should take place at a later time, preferably in front of a fire, with a glass of wine!

4. If things are going well, a nice hug and a kiss might be okay, but please save the 'tongue' for a later date! Again, too much too soon! (And for the record, guys! You reach and grab a handful of boob, it will be the last time you'll see me.)

5. If you enjoyed yourself, then please take the initiative to pick up the phone and give me a call. Initiate the second date! If you wait for me to call you, or if think that you can wait a week or more and then call me and expect me to be thrilled that you finally got around to calling me, you will be sadly disappointed. Also, I'm sorry, but don't tell me, "Well, you have my number. Give me a call." It may be the 21st Century, but I still like to on the receiving end of most phone calls.

So, those are my 'rules for a first date.' What's the verdict? Okay, or too old fashioned and uptight?
 kbodley
Joined: 11/26/2008
Msg: 1 (view)
 
Resolutions Anyone!
Posted: 1/2/2010 10:58:29 AM
I am not one for making "New Year's Resolutions" because I find that 10 minutes after they are made I tend to put them away with the holiday decorations -- HOWEVER, I have found this year that I am seriously considering some 'firm committments' that I am hoping will help me make some serious improvements in my life. Such as:

1. I believe that it is time (or past time) to develop a serious savings plan that will allow me to have more long term financial security.

2. Last year I spent quite a bit of time finding new social outlets that have helped me to expand my circle of friends. Some of those social outlets have been more satisfying than others - and this year I am going to learn to say "no thanks" to those that are not as enjoyable and "yes please" to those that I find are more in tune with the kind of person that I am.

3. This year I am committed to finishing my home renovations and get the outside of my house looking as good as the inside.

I am wondering whether anyone else is making the same type of committments. If so, it might be interesting to hear about each other's plans.
 kbodley
Joined: 11/26/2008
Msg: 133 (view)
 
Independent Women
Posted: 12/14/2009 7:44:25 PM
Wild, you are one of the reasons that the Oregon forum has gone completely dead. I posted nothing that mentioned scripture, Jesus, my Christian belief's (or anyone else's)! But - it is like you lay in wait for me -or other women who don't necessarily agree with your very narrow philosophies - to post anything - AND THEN YOU WORK VERY HARD at misinterpreting what we post to imply that we are undermining the belief system that you hold near and dear!

I feel very sorry for you Wild. I am perfectly secure in my salvation through Christ. I don't need anyone to reaffirm that faith - and I don't need to apologize to you for my strength and courage in facing he adversity of life. We each make our way, day by day, through this life - and at the end of it we will face our creator alone. I''m not the least bit worried. Thanks for reminding me once again why I have avoided the Oregon forums! Good reminder! See you on the flip side!
 kbodley
Joined: 11/26/2008
Msg: 128 (view)
 
Independent Women
Posted: 12/14/2009 8:34:52 AM

I'd rather be wanted than needed any day.


How true! I saw a posting one day from a POFer that said he wasn't looking for a woman he could live with, but rather one that he couldn't live without!

I think the issue that many men have is that many women think that being independent means that they must never share, never lean, and never need help. Instead I think once you are truly 'independent' you realize that if you are truly independent and self-confident, you realize that you can share your hopes, dreams, and fears realizing that you aren't necessarily asking for someone to take care of you, but to care about you! A truly independent and self-confident person realizes that there are many times when it is perfectly acceptable to lean on someone you trust during times when you feel the need to to strengthen and regenerate, so that you can be there to provide support when they need someone to lean on! Those who are truly strong and independent realize that help offered from people who care about our welfare is not meant to tear you down, but to build you up. I grew up with the adage, 'many hands make light work!' It also means that goals are reached more quickly and when finally reached you have people who truly value the accomplishment and are there to celebrate the finish line!

Independence has nothing to do with who opens the doors, or pays for dinner. Anyone (either male or female) who reduces independence to such mundane and ridiculous acts is missing the entire picture!

Find me a man that wants to walk with me, enjoy the journey, and celebrate at the destination!
 kbodley
Joined: 11/26/2008
Msg: 16 (view)
 
paying my way..and the partner?
Posted: 12/7/2009 12:10:32 PM
Okay, I just don't get this! For either men or women! I am not looking for someone to pay my way - or support me and I don't expect to have to support someone else! When my children became adults I expected them to be self-supporting. That doesn't mean that when they lived in my house I added up the bills and split them down the middle, but I did sit down and work out a fair amount that I expected them to contribute to the household (based on their income and ability to pay); the household chores that I expected them to take care of; and the basic rules of the house.

Why is it that men and women let members of the opposite sex take advantage of them just because a possible 'romance' is involved? If you don't respect me enough to contribute both emotionally and financially to our life together - you are not the person who I want in my life! Bottom line - chip in or move out!
 kbodley
Joined: 11/26/2008
Msg: 8 (view)
 
Is Plenty of Fish dead?
Posted: 12/5/2009 9:32:54 AM

bumwhatever crapville rural Oregon.


WOW! For someone who has sung the praises of living in the wide open spaces, rather than in cities - Portland especially - I'm shocked by your description!!!

Is it possible that the 'wild outdoors' is getting less attractive??
 kbodley
Joined: 11/26/2008
Msg: 11 (view)
 
Divorced/unemployed/foreclosed, etc
Posted: 12/5/2009 9:27:47 AM
Having gone through a layoff, back to school, and realigning my life, during the recession of the 80's, I found that my perspective often impacted other's impression of me. When I viewed myself as an unemployed, single mother, living in my parent's basement while going back to college to get my degree - I was persona non grata!

I realized that I was beating myself up and changed my 'self description' to a successful college student, retraining for a new career with a definite plan for the future. I found that I started talking about my vision of my successful future, rather than talking about my past failures!

I think that there is a rush to be 'honest' about where we are in life - and that often comes across to someone that doesn't know us as "homeless with no future" and they never get to our vision of where we are going.

Personally, if I met someone that was 'self supporting' (even if that was unemployment benefits), working on a definite plan for the future, and a positive self image - that would spell 'successful' to me.

There are many ways to have a terrific date without spending a fortune. But - there is no way to get past someone who is stuck in their own misery! I can't remake your life - and most women (and men) are wise enough to know that.
 kbodley
Joined: 11/26/2008
Msg: 10 (view)
 
Divorced/unemployed/foreclosed, etc
Posted: 12/5/2009 9:22:09 AM

What ever happen to Ok times are tough, but we can do it. No I don't see that any more times get tough and it is time to go. Not in the old days, 90% or more stuck it out.


Is it possible that things were pretty rocky before 'times got tough?' It seems to me that if you take care of your relationship when times are good - keeping the foundation strong, the love healthy, and the romance going both in and out of the bedroom - then chances are it will survive the tough times. However, if your already on rocky ground, times getting tough may be the excuse to bail???
 kbodley
Joined: 11/26/2008
Msg: 20 (view)
 
How do you people stand to live in Portland or any big city?
Posted: 11/27/2009 9:49:21 PM
The key, old "wild" is for each of us to find a plI ace that we love to live and are happy - and then figure out how to survive there!

It isn't a matter of which is 'better' but which fits each of us!

My niece (at age 13) asked her grandmother while visiting the ranch in South Dakota where the biggest 'town' was Glad Valley, population 23, "But if there are no malls where do people go to meet. How do they ever find the person they want to marry?"

I don't think it has anything to do with politics, or economic status. There are plenty of conservatives in Portland and Medford, and I think there are a few liberals in Burns and La Pine. I also don't think it has anything to do with values and character. The fact of the matter is that God made each of us with different molds. Some were clearly intended to feel hemmed in by 'big city' life, while others thrive in the comfort of their neighborhoods! Doesn't mean one is better than the other, just different strokes for different folks!
 kbodley
Joined: 11/26/2008
Msg: 2 (view)
 
Take it slow or meet the person right away?
Posted: 11/17/2009 6:38:39 PM
If this guy became upset because you wanted to know more about him before meeting in person, and suggested any place that made you uncomfortable, then you should trust your instincts!

Think about it this way - even if he isn't some nutcase, the fact that he is so touchy that a simple request to take things a little slower would send him into a tirade would tell me that this is not the type of person I would want to build a long term relationship with anyway! Chalk it up to one of those frogs that we all have to kiss before finding our prince.

As for me, I like to have at least a couple of emails, and enough phone calls that I kmow some background before meeting someone. And - I totally agree that a dog park is not a "public place" for a first meeting. After all it could be you and the dog! Go for a restaurant, coffee shop, fast food restaurant, etc. You can always choose to take the dogs for a walk later if coffee goes well!
 kbodley
Joined: 11/26/2008
Msg: 125 (view)
 
Independent Women
Posted: 10/24/2009 9:26:59 PM
What a coincidence that when I finally get a chance to log back on this thread still has a life! I thought I would share with you a conversation I had with one of my brothers today, because I think it speaks to this topic!

Two months ago a purchase a house that needed quite a bit of work, but I got it at an excellent price which made it financially a really good deal. For the past two months I have spent nearly every moment I am not in the office painting, hanging wallpaper, laying new flooring, and setting tile. I finished putting up new lighting, hanging blinds and draperies. and installing chair railing in the living room and dining room today. I was really proud of how well everything turned out and had to call someone to crow a little bit! I called my older brother and in the course of our conversation he made the comment that, "this is why you will never find a man, because you can do all of this on your own." He went on to explain that his wife never touches anything except to hold the ladder and he likes it that way!

So guys, the question becomes do you appreciate women who are not sitting around waiting to marry a home handyman, or do you feel threatened by women who just figure out how to do it themselves - not because they prefer it, but simply because there is no one else there to do the work - and the choice would be to pass up the opportunity???
 kbodley
Joined: 11/26/2008
Msg: 5 (view)
 
What kind of cell phone do you use? Do you consider it a reflection on the type of person you are?
Posted: 10/24/2009 9:04:43 PM
Wehold, I remember when Montana Bell offered "private" lines - and my aunt (who lived on a party line withh seven other families) couldn't believe that there were people out there who would pay extra to protect themselves from eavesdropping neighbors! Dinosaus die! Every generation moves on! I gave up my land line more than five years ago! I pay for one phone - the one that I tuck into my purse when I leave the house. I don't have to give friends three numbers to get in touch with me (home, work, cell). I give them one - my cell phone! If I don't answer leave a message. It's clean, simple, and cheap! So long dinosaur!
 kbodley
Joined: 11/26/2008
Msg: 1 (view)
 
Just wanted to say hi!
Posted: 10/14/2009 7:38:30 PM
I haven't been on the forums for quite awhile! I bought a house that needed a whole lot of work and so have been spending my time painting, nailing, hanging wallpaper, etc. etc. etc.

So - decided to take this evening off and nurse some of my aching bones! Only to find that the same threads are still bouncing around - Independent Women are still making the guys go bonkers and the women bait them; can't get a date is still getting suggestions from other people who can't get dates; and all of the other assorted topics and threads seem to be cooking along just fine without me.

Anyway, hope you all are having a great fall! I am getting really close to being able to hang up my paint brush and hammer, so will rejoin the forums in another month or so! (That should liven things up somewhat! I always seem to get some people steamed up with my comments!)
 kbodley
Joined: 11/26/2008
Msg: 23 (view)
 
The Paradox
Posted: 9/12/2009 9:59:06 PM

The numbers game. While I do not know the exact numbers, it is well known that the number of men on these sites out numbers that of the women.


It is a numbers game! Every good sales person will tell you that it takes 100 "no" answers before you get a yes! So I figure that for every email I send, to every guy that is either going to send me a thanks but not interested email, or simply delete and no answer, just gets me that much closer to the 101st guy who will say yes!
 kbodley
Joined: 11/26/2008
Msg: 18 (view)
 
The Paradox
Posted: 9/12/2009 7:41:25 AM
There is an old adage in the sales game that says, "Before you can sell what John Brown buys, you must see John Brown through John Brown's eyes."

So - perhaps the answer to your original paradoxical question would be this. Ask yourself what the kind of woman that you would like to connect with would want in a relationship. What type of man would she be attracted to? What qualities, values, and activities would SHE search for? Then, assuming of course that you possess all, or most, of those qualities, write your profile to showcase those aspects of your life and personality.

After all, the reality is that each of our profiles is essentially an internet advertisement. We are in a very real manner posting a sales brochure in the hopes that we will attract some interested buyers!
 kbodley
Joined: 11/26/2008
Msg: 46 (view)
 
How much has your criteria changed?
Posted: 9/11/2009 8:42:12 PM
I would hope so! When I was 16 girls didn't actually date guys, they dated the muscle cars that the guys drove! Guys dated the girls that looked as much like Nancy Sinatra, or Twiggy as possible!

I now choose guys for whether or not they have an interest in more than motorcycles and football. Unfortunately, I'm not sure that you guys have all really evolved! I think you still look first for the girl that looks as much like Nancy Sinatra or Twiggy (at age 50 of course)!!!
 kbodley
Joined: 11/26/2008
Msg: 9 (view)
 
The Paradox
Posted: 9/8/2009 7:51:11 AM

Ah, and the point of this discussion :) Since I believe I am not an anomaly in this issue, and I suspect this issue can be seen for both sexes, I thought we could all put our heads and perspectives together and identify some of the unseen factors.


I offer this comment and am being only partly facetious! I think that perhaps the act of searching online for a 'perfect match' leads one to disconnect somewhat from the realities of life and leads us all quickly down the garden path into the world of our 'dream' date! In the fantasy world of our dreams we seldom deal with what blows relationships to smithereens in the real world - namely location, attraction, money, and values.

The reality is that until you actually meet someone face to face it is difficult to evaluate whether or not this is a person that you would be willing to drive across the state to spend time with, or for that matter across the city during rush hour. While you can get a sense of how this person deals with the financial aspects of their lives, until you spend time with them you have no way of knowing whether or not their spending habits, sense of financial responsibility, etc. etc. will meld with yours. And while you might exchange emails, phone calls, etc. the only way to really know whether or not someone has values that mesh with yours is to be with them when the ups and downs of life appear.

Then of course the issue of attraction raises it's ugly head! The fact of the matter is that some people work to post the most attractive photo they have in their album (and often error in putting photos that were taken 10 years and 50 lbs ago); or perhaps just as bad post a photo taken with a bad webcam or cell phone. The bottom line is that no one can look at a photo and know for certain that the person on the other end of the good old electronic link will actually light that mysterious spark of attraction that we are all looking for!

Could it be that many who choose this rather remote and impersonal means to search for our future 'perfect match' are much more comfortable with our fantasy dream date than we are with the real people on the other end of the email address?

Just a thought!
 kbodley
Joined: 11/26/2008
Msg: 121 (view)
 
Independent Women
Posted: 8/30/2009 6:51:02 PM
Thanks Kowboi, at least I think so? I'm not really sure about the 'ole lady' crack, but I'll gladly accept the "grand" compliment!

As for wehold's comments, I wasn't intending to toot my own horn, but rather to point out that not all POF women are looking for fine dining and fancy vacations! I am fairly certain that many of my fellow female POFers are just as down to earth, hard working, and yes independent! But - that doesn't mean we aren't interested in a partner - but we're probably spending more time maintaining our careers, our homes, our families, and our communities than we are looking for a sugar daddy to pay our way to the nearest spa vacation!

Spend some time with one of two of us and you may find that we are 'women to ride the river with!' (Touche` Kowboi!)
 kbodley
Joined: 11/26/2008
Msg: 117 (view)
 
Independent Women
Posted: 8/29/2009 9:05:34 AM

I'm not sure that caliber of woman exists anymore. At middle age, they seem to be focused on fine dining, travel, and latte's. I think they would gladly take on the world with their man...as long as it's a pleasant experience :)


Hmmm? Well, if you are conversing with women who spend a great deal of time in the beauty salon, spa, and travel agent, this could be an accurate statement. However, if you look at profiles and see real women who have worked, raised their children, made homes and careers, and navigate well within the modern world, you might find the same caliber of woman.

I just returned from a 'vacation' where I took five elderly (age 76 to 96) relatives on a wonderful tour of Eastern Oregon and Idaho, with a destination of a vacation home in Western Montana. Upon arrival I spent four days cooking and caring for a gathering of 35 relatives - who all gathered to honor my mother's 8 surviving brothers and sisters (ranging in age from 76 to 100 years of age). I shopped, cooked, did dishes, and made sure that all were provided with the opportunity to gather and reconnect with their families! This was a precious opportunity for those of us who were able to be there.

Was I tired at the end of the 10 days? Absolutely! Would I have loved to have another week that I could have spent sitting at a nice resort and being pampered and spoiled? Sure! But - that is not the life that I lead - nor would I have traded the vacation I had for any other!

The question I have is this? Are there any POF guys out there who would have taken just as much joy as I did in sharing the history and beauty of the "Journey Through Time" National Scenic Byway with these elderly relatives? Are there guys out there who would have sat at a picnic table in the national forests, sharing a homemade cookie and a sandwich, and yes loading and unloading the picnic basket and cooler by yourself because your traveling companions are no longer really capable of helping - no matter how much they would like to? Are there POF guys who would get to their destination and really enjoy sitting on a deck in the Flathead National Forest listening to a 100 year old uncle share stories about his trip as a small boy across the country in a Model T from Gig Harbor, Washington to the ranch in the Dakotas?

You guys all complain because you only find women on POF who want to be treated to fine dining, travel, and pampering. Perhaps you need to take a glance in the mirror and ask yourself what kind of women you are contacting. If you fish for tropical beauties, don't complain when that is exactly what you catch!
 kbodley
Joined: 11/26/2008
Msg: 114 (view)
 
Independent Women
Posted: 8/27/2009 7:59:48 PM

Those of you women who say in your profile that you are independent, what do you mean? If you are independent in the sense of being a liberated feminist, than this guy's not interested. But independent as in not always needy, but self-sufficient while on your own, that's different.


I can only speak for myself on this one (and I never thought that I would agree with 'wildoutdoorguy' on anything), but when I talk about being "independent" what I am hoping to let the guys on this site know is that I am not looking for a man to provide my financial support (I have a good job that I love); nor am I looking for someone to raise my children (they are raised and on their own); nor am I looking for someone who will come in and repair my car, fix my sink, or lay new flooring (although if you lived in the same abode as I did - and were the handy andy type I would certainly welcome your assistance). In short, I am not here looking for a caretaker, but a caring partner.


I always thought INTERDEPENDENT was the ideal situation in a relationship.


I think that INTERDEPENDENT is a state that people work toward, rather than what you look for in a relationship at the outset. My mother and I can easily work together in the same kitchen to get a family dinner on the table because we have doing it for my entire life. We easily see what the other needs, and also readily realize when our 'help' would be more hindrance rather than assistance. I have tried many times working with other women while trying to get a meal on the table for a gathering of 50 - 60 people, and find the experience terribly frustrating! I think that INTERDEPENDENCE in a relationship is much the same - you develop the ability to read each other and know when your assistance will be help or hindrance!


Independence, to me, speaks of not needing one another. Shoot, God created us to need our mate. We can see that all throughout the Bible.


I would point you back to Proverbs on this one! God's description of the perfect wife in Proverbs is neither weak or needy. She is confident, self-sufficient, and worth her weight in gold! She bargains in the market, is a shrewd business person, and handles her families fortunes wisely and well. This is not a woman who is lacking is her independence. Rather she is a woman who knows her worth, and also knows her husband values and trusts her judgement! Independence does not mean you don't need anyone else, it means that you can shoulder your share of the load and stand strong with anyone that chooses to hitch their wagon to the same harness.


This modern independence in regard to one's spouse or mate, is one of the things that I believe can destroy a relationship if it is overdone. What do the rest of you think?


Wild, I have to tell you that if you think women of 50 or 100 years ago were not independent, I would hate to meet your grandmother! My grandmother helped raise her husbands younger brothers (whose mother had died when they were very young) and then raised 10 children while her husband was out on the range! She was often on her own for days and weeks at a time - and I guarantee you that she made many decisions without consulting her husband! There wasn't a cell phone, telephone, or communication device to be had! She trusted him to do his job 'independently' and he trusted her just the same!


I know that we are all heavily influenced by the last forty years of liberated media. But it is okay to need someone once you are in an intimate relationship with them. And it certainly doesn't make you less strong by admitting that.


We are all heavily influenced by the last forty years of liberated media, but it seems to me that by the stance you take, in your self-righteous religious fervor, completely denigrate the women who stood shoulder to shoulder with their men as they rolled across this country and homesteaded the western US. These women didn't arrive to comfortable farmhouses with running water and indoor plumbing.


I can hear certain liberated feminists now.


Sorry, but someone restarted this thread and wondered where all the interesting, heated comments had gone! So - I just couldn't resist!

Yes - I am independent - and proud of it! If there is a man out there that is lucky enough to have me fall in love with him, he will find a woman that won't expect him to paddle his canoe alone, but can expect me to contribute to our lives, and our love! And - I will expect no less of him than I am willing to give! So - all you 'independent' men, please drop me a line! (Those of you looking for a free ride, please move along!)
 kbodley
Joined: 11/26/2008
Msg: 30 (view)
 
Does vegetarianism scare you?
Posted: 8/25/2009 7:38:50 PM
It occurs to me that the whole "vegetarianism" issue seems somewhat "in vogue" for the moment!

I am blessed with a large family, some of whom are cattle ranchers, some sheep ranchers, and some through religious affiliation are vegetarians. As such, I grew up gathering with a family that offered everything from soup to nuts at most family celebrations.

In fact, I just returned from a small reunion where I spent four days cooking fort 35 people - and most of my meal plans were vegetarian - offering meat 'side dishes' - which tends to be the norm at most of our reunions.

So - does vegetarianism scare me? Nope, but people who define themselves by what they eat (or don't) scares me. Are you a vegetarian because it's a healthy lifestyle? Are you a vegetarian because of your religious beliefs? Or - as I often find to be the case - are you a vegetarian because it happens to be the latest 'in thing?' If you can't explain why you have made this choice in your life - that scares me!
 kbodley
Joined: 11/26/2008
Msg: 34 (view)
 
Flowers?
Posted: 8/20/2009 6:45:14 PM
Depends on the flower! Daisies or a bouquet of garden flowers, perfectly acceptable and frankly would really impress the h-e-double hockeysticks out of me! A dozen long stem red roses would make me uncomfortable!

Met a guy on an airplane once that sent me a dozen roses every day for a week at my office! Scared the hell out of me and I finally refused the last shipment of flowers, and called and told him to please go away! Never heard from him again - (and have often wondered whether or not it was the wisest decision I ever made or the worst mistake!!!!)
 kbodley
Joined: 11/26/2008
Msg: 1537 (view)
 
can non-pot smokers handle pot smokers?
Posted: 8/20/2009 6:36:41 PM

I'm not a big fan of people who think that something's virtue is tied up in whether it is legal or not. To think that because something has been made illegal, that that makes it bad is faulty reasoning. Governments have always perverted the natural law and used excuses like protecting you from yourself as an excuse to plunder the public. If you can't figure out that that is the reason for pot being illegal, you're just too stupid from all that alcohol you think is OK because big papa law said so. Grow up already!


OMG! It is always so blatantly obvious when I read a post from someone too young to really have anything at risk for breaking the law!

First, let me be completely upfront and agree that should the day ever arrive when the isssue of whether or not to legalize pot is on the ballot in Oregon, I will be leading the stampede to the ballot box to vote "yeah" for the legalization of pot!

That believe has absolutely nothing whatsoever to do with whether or not I think that pot if 'good' or 'bad,' but rather that as long as something is illegal, it is beyond the control of regulations which keep it safe and provide for reasonable regulation and control. Prohibition proved that making something illegal only allowed criminals to control the distribution of a commodity rather than legitimate businessmen. If marijuana was legalized, it would be possible to purchase a product from a legitimate businessman (rather than a criminal on a street corner). The product purchased would be produced under controlled conditions and there would be no question what the product was 'cut' with (unlike purchasing from street corner dealers who may cut your pot with anything from oregano to crack cochaine); and finally the sale of marijuana through legal state controlled sources would provide an income from tax revenue which could be used for drug treatment programs from those individuals who move from the use of marijuana to other more lethal drugs! (And before all of you 420 friendly folks come unglued - I don't blame marijuana for addiction to meth, crack, heroin, and other drugs. However, I would be willing to bet that the same dealer who sells the pot on the corner of 5th and Burnside could also hook you up with a hit of any of the above if requested!)

The bottom line is this - as long as you are participating in any activity that is against the law, you are choosing the associated risks. Those risks include loss of income, loss of custody of your children, loss of freedom, and loss of life!! Whether you accept that reality is your decision!!!!!
 kbodley
Joined: 11/26/2008
Msg: 28 (view)
 
Worse Movie Ever!
Posted: 7/26/2009 11:29:08 PM
Awe, but those were the days when "dusk to dawn" was the norm and nobody cared waht was actually on the screen the important thing of note was who was there with who, and subsequently who was getting any!
 kbodley
Joined: 11/26/2008
Msg: 17 (view)
 
This is just a FLIT GAME
Posted: 7/22/2009 9:15:33 PM
bluegeenes, I couldn't agree with you more! I often wonder when I get emails, or see posts, filled with misspellings, lack of any attempt at punctuation, and lack of any attempt at proper english whether or not the author slept through their 7th grade English class.

I recently received an email from a business contact that was so filled with misspelled words, I couldn't resist the urge to edit the spelling and punctuation and send it back to the author with a request that they correct and resend before I passed their email on to my boss (who was going to review the contents before making a final buying decision). The sender complied, but commented that he thought he was quoting a price for printing not interviewing for a job!

Sadly, I think that people have gotten lazy, and make the assumption that "texting" abbreviations, etc. have become the standard for all communication.
 kbodley
Joined: 11/26/2008
Msg: 10 (view)
 
Working Dates
Posted: 7/21/2009 10:26:49 PM
I think that this might be well received if you were doing something worthwhile, such as the Oregon Beach Clean-up, but I take care of my own household chores and frankly if someone that I had just met asked me to come over and do their chores I'm afraid I would think they were looking for a hired hand rather than a soul mate.

That being said, once I'm in a relationship with someone (even if that is just a friendship) I'm more than willing to pitch in on the occasional special project - building a fence or planting a garden - as long as the favor is returned.

Unfortunately, I have witnessed a good number of single women who date the "chore." (A term coined by one of my brothers who noted that a woman in our group of friends always seemed to date a mechanic when her car needed work, a landscaper when it was her yard, and a contractor when there were any handyman chores that needed to be done. Not surprising she ended up marrying (very openly) for a large bank account!)
 kbodley
Joined: 11/26/2008
Msg: 6 (view)
 
Have you changed your dating rules since joining POF?
Posted: 7/19/2009 7:57:32 PM
Oh, boy! Quilter54, this decision will really get you on the hot seat according to many of our male POFers!

It seems that the men on this site have a real aversion to women with dogs! (Search threads to see the many comments.) The bottom line is that if you want to have positive comments only you must be intelligent enough to carry on a conversation with any Mensa qualified male, but understand that you must never let your own opinions surface! Next, you must own no animals of any kind that might require you to have any demands upon your time or attention. Of course, along with this no animal policy is a pretty strict 'no kids' policy! Finally, and perhaps most importantly, you must have the body of a greek goddess, the grace of a princess, and the ability to compare football scores dating back to the dawn of civilization!

When you have finally attained this image, please realize that the guys who will contact you will also want to make certain that you have never dated any other men! (Oh, I also forgot to mention that you must either be independently wealthy - because you will need to support the man of your dreams!)

(And please before you all begin to nail me - I'm really being sarcastic!)
 kbodley
Joined: 11/26/2008
Msg: 65 (view)
 
Must the goal be 24/7 in a committed relationship?
Posted: 7/11/2009 8:24:16 PM

The question isn't, though, what's better? It's more about "what's up with people who say it has to be "all" or "nothing" to be a monogamous, committed relationship?


Is it possible that these folks who must have "all" or "nothing" have never learned to be content with their own company?

I have to admit that one of the things that makes me hesitate to get involved with someone else is that in many ways I am perfectly content with my own company. I have also learned that it is much preferable to be lonely alone, than lonely with somebody!

I have always believed that in order to be content with someone else, you must be content with yourself - and out of that contentment should evolve the ability to grant someone you love and respect the freedom to live a life interdependent with yours and vice versa??? Or - at least that is my hope!
 kbodley
Joined: 11/26/2008
Msg: 51 (view)
 
Discipline - Is yelling at your children wrong?
Posted: 7/7/2009 7:29:38 PM
Superwoman, you are correct in that we often parent as we were parented. I was raised by a father who was a yeller and a mother who seldom raised her voice - although her punishments were often much lengthier than my father's, and therefore quite frequently less appreciated.

However, I am reminded of a day when my oldest son (who is also a yeller) was 3 or 4 years of age. He and I were battling - I believe over the task of picking up his toys. We had been yelling at each other for several minutes when he turned and placing both hands on his hips yelled, "Why are you yelling at me?"

I, who was very frustrated by this time, yelled back, "Because you aren't listening to me!"

He smiled and shook his head and replied, "Well it sure isn't because I can't hear you. I just don't want to listen. That's all."

Fortunately, I did learn from my parents that it is always appropriate to laugh at yourself and to dish out plenty of hugs. That's exactly what I did - burst into laughter and pulled him into a crushing hug - only promising to let him go when he promised that if I stopped yelling he would start listening!

Thank god laughter and hugs also work!
 kbodley
Joined: 11/26/2008
Msg: 48 (view)
 
Discipline - Is yelling at your children wrong?
Posted: 7/6/2009 6:54:28 PM
It has occurred to me that perhaps we need to clarify the difference between "raising one's voice" and "yelling." I think from reading the posts, that most parents at some point in their child rearing years resort (albeit probably in moments of extreme frustration) to "raising their voice."

This past weekend I and many others got a prime earful of "yelling."

On the 4th, we stopped at a small little rummage sale along the Highway in a small Oregon town. Shortly after we arrived a family pulled up with 3-4 children ranging in age from pre-school (3-4) to perhaps 10-11 years of age. The children spread out across the rummage sale, father headed in one direction, mom in another. One of the rummage sale workers spotted two of the older children on the top level of a bunk bed and said something to the mom. She turned and rather than walked over to where the children were and speaking to them directly, she began to scream like a fish wife! For the next 5-10 minutes she screamed at the children - berating them for their behavior. Finally, the oldest of the children began to scream back at his mother in defense! Needless to say, the majority of the other shoppers either left quickly, or at least gave mother and son a wide berth.

My mother, age 84 and a retired 4th grade teacher, waited until the screaming had stopped and the son had been sent back to sit in the van with his father (who remained silent during the entire exhibit). My mother quietly worked her way next to where the mother was now shopping.

"I know it's none of my business, but I wanted to let you know that the only thing you accomplished with that entire show was to encourage your son to gain everyone's attention in a very negative manner. If you teach him that is how to communicate when he is young, imagine how he will talk to you and others when he is a young man. I have been known to stop an entire 4th grade class in their tracks with a stern look and a quiet reprimand. You can too."

Needless to say, the young mother said something socially unacceptable to my mother and then gathered her other children and left. No one at the rummage sale seemed to be sad they were gone, but I heard a number of people express pity for the children.
 kbodley
Joined: 11/26/2008
Msg: 28 (view)
 
what have you learned from previous relationships about choosing a partner?
Posted: 7/6/2009 6:35:54 PM

rather than have an argument, that usually results in something being said, that really doesnt need to be, maybe a yes dear, is the right thing to do, if one proves the other one wrong, still...no one wins


Please tell me that you all are not so naive as to believe that two people can have a relationship and never have a disagreement (whether you call it an argument or not)!
And - 'yes dear' will only work until such time as you disagree on an issue that you feel strongly about! At that point, it is important to know whether or not the two of you will be able to work through an issue to it's resolution - or whether one of you must always win!

I had an ex who refused to discuss (argue, debate, etc.) any issue. He did whatever he wanted, to hell with the consequences - and was quick to shift the blame when his decisions turned out poorly. Trying to have a serious relationship with someone who does not know how to resolve differences is almost impossible.
 kbodley
Joined: 11/26/2008
Msg: 49 (view)
 
Must the goal be 24/7 in a committed relationship?
Posted: 7/5/2009 9:24:52 PM
I think it's harder at 55 to imagine myself 'living with' another person than it was when I was younger. When I was in my twenties and thirties I imagined that I would find someone that I would spend the rest of my life with. I imagined that we would get married and have children, buy or build the perfect house, and spend summers watching our children and grandchildren play at the beach!!

Reality is that I ended up being a single mom, and while my children grew up in a safe, warm, happy home, and we spent plenty of summers playing at the beach, I am finding that I am less interested in sharing my home with someone else! My life -no problem! My bed (with the right person) - not an issue! My heart - again with the right person - could imagine it! My closet, my bathroom, and my morning coffee on a regular basis - MUCH HARDER TO IMAGINE!!
 kbodley
Joined: 11/26/2008
Msg: 37 (view)
 
Must the goal be 24/7 in a committed relationship?
Posted: 7/4/2009 10:08:28 PM
I have friends that married and divorced each other twice! They finally concluded that they were madly in love with each other, they simply could not stand to live in the same house!

Their solution? They both sold their individual homes, bought two empty lots - side by side - and each had a home built on the new lot. They have been happily married, while each maintains their separate residence, for more than 2o years!

Now that's what I call committed - or perhaps should be??
 kbodley
Joined: 11/26/2008
Msg: 15 (view)
 
what have you learned from previous relationships about choosing a partner?
Posted: 7/3/2009 8:32:11 PM

I've learned that all women bring 'some other dude' drama with them no matter how much they love you. There is going to be some other guy luriking in the picture at some point with EVERY female. At least here in the U.S....


OMG! Everyone, male and female, brings scars with them! I can't begin to count the number of guys I have met and talked to who have spent great lengths explaining to me why they don't want another woman like the ###XX@@ that they just divorced! Trust me! Men are just as bad about dragging up old loves as women!

In fact, one of my guidelines for whether or not guys make it past the second date is whether or not they have made friends with, or are at least peace with, their ex-wife (or girlfriend)! Unless they have put their last relationship to rest, they aren't ready to enter into a new one!! At least not in my book!
 kbodley
Joined: 11/26/2008
Msg: 10 (view)
 
what have you learned from previous relationships about choosing a partner?
Posted: 7/3/2009 9:26:15 AM
Don't settle! Let me repeat that - DON'T SETTLE!!!

I think the danger of dating at our age is that we run the danger of doubting ourselves - and when the doubt begins to creep in, we begin to 'self-talk' trying to convince ourselves that our standards might be too high.

I have met a couple people - on this and other websites - that sounded really good until the second or third date, and then I began to hear things that made me uncomfortable. Then the doubt creeps in! Am I being too picky? Do I need to give this person more time to see whether or not they might be more of a match? At my age, can I really expect to find someone more suited to my likes, life, and love?

Then - I need to stop and realize that I need to trust my own instincts! I am a smart, intelligent, happy person. There is no reason for me to compromise. I would rather be alone than settle for a person that in the end, I will not be happy and contented with, and the relationship will crash and burn!

Don't settle!
 kbodley
Joined: 11/26/2008
Msg: 3 (view)
 
What Is it about me??
Posted: 6/30/2009 9:07:25 PM
Wes, frankly I am really disappointed that you keep beating this same old horse!

Look, let's be honest - no matter what you spout on your posts, what you (and the rest of us) are looking for is someone that we can find a connection with! You might sing the tune about packaging being the ultimately most important of all lures, but the bottom line is this - if you somehow managed to make a connection with someone that for whatever reason (hard as it is for me to imagine) thought you were the cat's meow - and you felt the same about her - it wouldn't matter to either of you if you each had a dark mustache and warts!

From your perspective, the packaging is one of the most important aspects - so if you see someone's profile and they don't look like Barbie Benton - in angel's garb, you pass! Trust me, there are many - both male and female - that are much more interested in interests, values, depth and character!

I, like many other women on POF, am well aware that I don't measure up in your eyes! Thankfully, you fall far short on mine also so that's not a problem. Quit picking on me! Frankly, I've had my fill of it!
 kbodley
Joined: 11/26/2008
Msg: 2 (view)
 
What Is it about me??
Posted: 6/28/2009 9:29:52 PM
You really need to post in the forum for this topic!

In general, your profile focuses on three negatives - health problems, weight problems, and how you hate your wife! WOW!!

Ask your daughters what they think the best thing about you is - then use those qualities to write a POSITIVE profile that tells us about you. Frankly, other than a brief comment about working on getting more healthy, I wouldn't say anything about my weight! It is what it is! You want someone who will be interested in you for the person you are within - without regard to the packaging.

Also, unless your tats are a huge part of who and what you are, I would cut out the picture of you getting tats! Get a recent picture taken - that answers anyone's weight question without having to talk about it.

Finally, tell us about what kind of person you would like to find - and what kind of a relationship you are hoping to find - LTR, Dating Only, Just Friends, etc.

By the way, I applaud your stance to keep your dates separate from your daughters! Kids don't need to play the dating game! Be there Dad on their time, date on yours!
 kbodley
Joined: 11/26/2008
Msg: 6 (view)
 
Riding the Train in Oregon
Posted: 6/25/2009 8:28:06 PM
Just curious! Did you take your trip? Did you enjoy it?
 kbodley
Joined: 11/26/2008
Msg: 20 (view)
 
Am I really as old as they are??
Posted: 6/23/2009 8:36:13 PM
Reminds me of my uncle, who turned 100 this year. A year ago he finally had to give up his driver's license and his concern was that now he wouldn't be able to drive down to the Senior Center and read to the 'old people!'
 
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