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 Author Thread: Fun things to do on first major holiday break with boyfriend?
 TheEvolutionOfJessi
Joined: 8/29/2015
Msg: 49 (view)
 
Fun things to do on first major holiday break with boyfriend?
Posted: 11/25/2018 5:33:16 PM

I will be qualified to train as a face-to-face counselor with lifeline and they will supervise me. Maybe I could do that, only issue is I would be contractually obligated to volunteer with them for like a year lol. Plus I'm not sure if it would help me get a job that much uhhh. I mean helpful if I wanted to be an actual psychologist I guess.


FARRRRRRK... for the love of whichever deity (or non) you swing to , do NOT go into counselling... do NOT try psychology... there are people that need more help, not roads backwards... so far I've not seen ANYTHING here from you suggesting you'll ever be in a position to 'assist' anybody.

anyway, I see that you totally missed the gist of my 'suggestion'... of volunteering over the break...
seems that the 'fun days' won't interfere your neuroscience **eyeroll** course...

No July... I'm not jealous... it's "the Welfare Entitled" mentality here in Australia that ticks taxpayers like me off... Granted, I've been on welfare for too long now, but it's childraising related... I've just completed a new certification to take me back to paid work and I'm homeschooling my son... and will be taking mini-training for career advancement, but over the years I've been a valuable volunteer, earning my 'taxpaid' income... whether it was 'my industry' related or not...


I'm out...
 TheEvolutionOfJessi
Joined: 8/29/2015
Msg: 40 (view)
 
Fun things to do on first major holiday break with boyfriend?
Posted: 11/25/2018 1:53:59 AM
Being an Aussie, I'd be wondering how this 'break' is being financed... Austudy or Disability allowance???
and to say "then it would be practical to put 50% aside... "
of course, common sense has no place here...

there's heaps of stuff you can do over the summer - beneficial things such as helping out at rescue centres for cats and dogs, community gardens... even your local volunteer centre could direct you to some 'frugal & free' activities - this way your significant other can see your values about giving back to society for the 'fiscal benefit' that you've been given from the taxpayers... No, that's not a 'living wage' but a helping hand UP out of your current life with the goal towards something better... earning on your own dime.
Yanno, putting in some of the 'work' that many other folks do on their 'breaks'...
'vacation time' doesn't necessarily 'have' to be all the expensive theme parks...

Disability is a copout if you ride it... my son is considered 'disabled' by the larger part of society... but he refuses to ride on that, saying he only has a 'different ability' and will be out 'working' as part of our home education curriculum next year... (volunteer service now that he has reached 13 - minimum age)
 TheEvolutionOfJessi
Joined: 8/29/2015
Msg: 129 (view)
 
Do you care what a person does for work?
Posted: 10/21/2018 6:51:18 PM
I recognise that I'm never gonna be a match for the "Masters Maestros"... and the upper level white collars... but I have enough life experience to at least converse with the Bachelor Brigade... even if I am a 'Certificate [level] Chick'...
But, when I'm involved, I care about what a person's work is... about their attitude to it and if they don't like being there, what they are doing to improve... and in turn, their work can (but not always) give an indication of their earning and spending capacity...
I look for a parity of attitudes towards actually working and if they aren't in paid employment, how they are spending their time eg volunteering or other socially acceptable daily living habits... I may have been out of the workforce for the last decade (and retraining now to come up to legislative standards) but I've been a teacher to a child, I've been volunteering my time to schools, aging in place facilities and animal refuge centres... I've been keeping up to date with employable certifications... and not one to sit around on my welfare 'rights and entitlements'... as I see many others doing...
So when it comes to 'viewing' and 'dating' someone... it does matter what lifestyle they lead.

(Yes, I hate my practical placement... and my work ethic is ride it through, just another five weeks and then I've got that certification to do what I really want to... my 'ambition bar' is not high, but it's set at better than where I'm at)
 TheEvolutionOfJessi
Joined: 8/29/2015
Msg: 16 (view)
 
turns out she didn't love me
Posted: 10/21/2018 6:10:09 PM
Oh NorwegianGuy... that 'hypothetical' conversation really showed me in true light... that's just how I would be...

as it is, I make it clear up front* for anyone I 'meet'... that I 'will' be relocating cross country (again) in the future... just when is the question... and while yes, if they can handle the cold environment, I'll look at developing our involvement.. but we won't be living together if they choose to follow me over...

Damning myself??? maybe... but it's a clear transparency so that the other party knows a lot of what's going on...

IAC... Long distance can be awkward... but as a 'half' retired, it can work out for you...


* not on first coffee meet unless I'm bored nutless with their company... but definitely within first month or so if I've seen them a few times and we've had fun times.
 TheEvolutionOfJessi
Joined: 8/29/2015
Msg: 16 (view)
 
Ex told me she's pregnant. I blocked her.
Posted: 10/21/2018 5:55:08 PM

Heaven help the kid if your ex is pregnant. Both of you need to grow up.

Listen to those telling you to contact a lawyer. If she's pregnant with your child you need to know your rights and responsibilities. Putting it off is foolish.


Ditto from down under...
No point playing ostrich on this one... lawyer.. DNA test and fer fricks sake, thank you for reminding me of why I'm offering my boy $40k to not make me a grandmother...
 TheEvolutionOfJessi
Joined: 8/29/2015
Msg: 109 (view)
 
How many partners is too much?
Posted: 10/7/2018 10:58:14 PM
^^^^^
+1
Indeedy... well said Dayna...


In order to maintain the highest quality forums you are restricted to having no more then 2 of the last 10 posts on a thread.
Since 2 of the last 10 posts are yours you can not post to this thread.


Damn I hate dis PoF moment...
 TheEvolutionOfJessi
Joined: 8/29/2015
Msg: 107 (view)
 
How many partners is too much?
Posted: 10/7/2018 8:22:45 PM
just going off the top of my head (and I don't have my textbooks on hand) vaginal tissue is muscular... and affected by hormone delivery to the region... plasticity and elasticity will be affected by hormones being directly targeted to the region... so there's something to the 'use it or lose it' theory... vulva tissue is 'non-muscular' and could be affected by "wearing down" but the vaginal region is muscular...
10cm?? in a good healthy exercised vagina?? well done... probably some good kegels happening there...

I 'could' go on, but since I'm on limited time, I'll let google answer your questions... but healthy functional 'exercised' vaginal muscles will do wonders... Kegels have a LOT to answer for...

(not the 'best' source for citing but a good informative read - https://www.laweekly.com/news/demystifying-the-vagina-does-too-much-sex-make-her-loose-2530297 )
 TheEvolutionOfJessi
Joined: 8/29/2015
Msg: 105 (view)
 
How many partners is too much?
Posted: 10/7/2018 7:49:54 PM


There is such a thing as vaginal prolapse.


which has absolutely nothing to do with how loose...or tight a woman is....or anything to do with the size of penis or toy being used.

For grown adults...ya'll don't know your vaginas very well!!


Yes MsMicki...
I concur...
I've been sitting here last few nights catching up with this and I'm dumbfounded by some of the comments here... I may have only just enough anatomy&physiology knowledge to be dangerous but even I know that sex and shoving things in and out of vajayana doesn't 'loosen' or 'tighten' it...

Woeful... utterly woeful...
 TheEvolutionOfJessi
Joined: 8/29/2015
Msg: 55 (view)
 
How men mathematically sleep with more people than women
Posted: 10/3/2018 12:19:39 AM
oops I can't edit... but was going to add:

my son's just told me it's "manners maketh man".... seems appropos...
 TheEvolutionOfJessi
Joined: 8/29/2015
Msg: 54 (view)
 
How men mathematically sleep with more people than women
Posted: 10/3/2018 12:17:47 AM

^^^^x 2!^^^^ come here pretending to be above all of us, yet your behavior says something different.



I'll see your x2 and raise you to x3!!!

yeah, knickers are sure in a tizzy... reminds me of a two year old tyrant...

I seem to recall, wasn't it from The Kingsmen... "behaviour maketh the man"?? I'll have to google as I want to be sure.
 TheEvolutionOfJessi
Joined: 8/29/2015
Msg: 21 (view)
 
is it normal if he wants to meet you once a week?
Posted: 10/2/2018 5:48:00 PM
I've been catching up with a 'dimly viewing' person this way for two months now... he lives much farther north of me, comes down my way on weekends to stay with his family and grandkids... he's also trying to establish a new business for last years of his life...
I've been studying industry recertifciation and home educating... so my weeks have been swamped with everything...

Coffee afternoon on Sundays when he returns home... and a once in a while Friday evening when he comes down to my part of town. Sometimes we even chat on social media while playing a 'word' game in our lazy evenings..

Where's the rush??

"normal"... is about finding what works for you... (as the famous Charles Addams quote goes... "what is normal for the spider is chaos for the fly"... )
 TheEvolutionOfJessi
Joined: 8/29/2015
Msg: 17 (view)
 
Is contacting current partner's ex taboo to find out why the marriage ended?
Posted: 10/2/2018 5:39:28 PM
a resounding "DEFINITELY" leave her alone...

she's over and done with his dramas...

I was the 'middle' MrsK and I was happy to be done with him... I never would have consulted the first MrsK... and I keep my nose out of the involvement of current MrsK... (we are in same Wastebook interest group and currently live near each other)

I look at how a person treats me and how I feel in their company... given current stats... it's pretty much why I am happier alone... (laughs)
 TheEvolutionOfJessi
Joined: 8/29/2015
Msg: 116 (view)
 
Advice please?
Posted: 9/27/2018 8:08:14 AM

She had planned on giving you those long before your appointment since she had to know how it would work with you first. Remember our candy isn't magical.


Actually Rise Above... speaking from my own years with pharmaceuticals in Australia... there’s a higher probability that the drug reps have left samples behind for the doctor.... that’s why they were on hand... not that the doctor was “planning” on giving them to OP.... probably a few “sample” boxes until OP filled a proper prescription for larger quantity.
 TheEvolutionOfJessi
Joined: 8/29/2015
Msg: 111 (view)
 
Advice please?
Posted: 9/26/2018 6:55:01 AM

^^^^
What are P’s?


To Rise Above:
P = provisional licence evidence that’s attached to your vehicle... to show you’re effectively newly driving.... received your licence within last 12 months... errr oops 24 months...


https://www.goget.com.au/blog/p-plate-restrictions-nsw/
 TheEvolutionOfJessi
Joined: 8/29/2015
Msg: 20 (view)
 
Should I respond to messages from guys I will not meet?
Posted: 9/22/2018 10:49:24 PM
but but but... you get messages???

:: joking ::
(half yer luck darl... )

Personally, I have it in my profile that 'chit chat' fine, but I'm not looking for a pen-pal but I expect to meet within ten days of first contact... (so effectively, the FIFO guys need to contact when they're returning to Perth and others will get a "drop me a line when you're back in town" if they tell me they're on vacation)

because it's a capital city here and some places can be over an hour away - if someone sends me a message and I know I won't be interested, I'll usually say "I won't get your hopes up and going to bow out gracefully here... "

however July, I really feel that [for you] 'online' is replacing the 'interpersonal' - small towns will do that to you... I know you've discussed your barriers to interpersonal socialising on the forums before, and I still struggle to come up with some ideas to throw your way... from my view here... it's a 'wait it out' scenario... (I do understand.... my life is a bit similar... )
 TheEvolutionOfJessi
Joined: 8/29/2015
Msg: 27 (view)
 
Living at home.
Posted: 9/16/2018 10:37:18 PM
DANG... I sneezed and missed this whole thang....

but Mr Oldwxman did take me back to just 14 months ago.. when I was living across continent and away from elderly mother... I had been super happy, no friends but just happy and content... but my mother was ageing... my sister did not want her 'close by' so made no effort to assist in a public housing transfer... and so I considered my own 'unimaginable' to relocate and 'live close by' to offer alternate daily assistance. (mother was a fiercely independent old thang)

I was going to explore housing options on a 'visit' (hadn't been in the state for 8 years) and mother appeared excited when she 'liked' that announcement status on Wastebook...
That night she took a fall in her home, expedited my visit by two weeks and died July fourth...

I'm not saying we were 'close'... (in fact I found out her true feelings about me in that visit) but recognising the 'good' (it would have been good for my son too) that would have come from the decision...

so all in all, there's a lot to consider... and it appears to have been done in this scenario... (but before my son moves back home to see out 'my' final days... he has to leave home first... see me in 5 years when I run away from home and make him live 'independently'... )
 TheEvolutionOfJessi
Joined: 8/29/2015
Msg: 79 (view)
 
Advice please?
Posted: 9/8/2018 7:53:54 PM


Omg why you so nosey



........That is about one of the stupidest comments I've ever heard here ! You are the one who started, and continues to post here. Here you have someone like LIR who really cares about people, including yourself ~ and your dissing on her ( what nerve ) If you can't handle peoples advice, who are trying to help you ~ then why do you post at all ?

........ You should be ashamed of that comment & should apologize. If you were even 1/2 as bright as LIR, you wouldn't be in this position, in the first place. So hush your big mouth & do whatever the h-ell your going to do. I for one, am sick of reading this bs , you asking for advice & then criticizing the giver of it. That's beyond lame, you little twit ~

heart / sun


THIS exactly.....

Sirenna - I'll suggest here, that if you want 'platitudes' of "there there" and expect people to give you answer you agree with, this is not the place... each and every single contributing party here is a bio-individual coming from a myriad of experiences in life... and YOU asked for advice.. people WILL ggive it, extrapolating on the experiences they have had in their life...

oh, PS regarding your lease agreement... generally a year, and if your name is on it, both home owner AND your family hold you responsible for it... do not sign any legal document you want to be 'free' from... so unless you get the remaining household members to sign you "off" the agreement - not just verbal... but on paper... and you have a hard copy... they can (and I've seen it done) and possibly will hold you to it. So do your work, find out what is in the terms and agreements and conditions and find out where you stand... especially length of lease left to see out. Being wishy washy and flippant about legalities will bite you... Leases are not something to be messed with... especially Australian leases...
 TheEvolutionOfJessi
Joined: 8/29/2015
Msg: 36 (view)
 
Learning how to be happy alone
Posted: 9/7/2018 9:07:24 PM
I'm not even gonna get involved with other cases... or point agree/discuss the many other contributions... but will acknowledge their validity...

however, just answering the main question "My question to you is, how do you manage to be happy being alone? Everyone keeps telling me that's what I need to do but I am wondering how they themselves have achieved that?"
(to be honest, your story reminds me a lot of my mother, having children to make her husband be a 'man' and ended up with three of us driving her crazy and being on an 'end of life' quest for 45 years... not healthy for us - so of course, I wasn't a healthy role model for my child until I did a lot of self awareness development [and found some harsh words here in PoF Forums])

so for me, it was a few years ago, I learned the quote " a relationship is not a problem to be solved"... as soon as
'being alone' is labeled a 'bad' thang, it is given a negative connotation - and well, what you feed - grows.
So I threw the idea of 'romantic' relationship out the window - depending on someone for 'happiness' sets any situationship up for failure... and threw myself into choosing to be happy... and yanno what, it's been there along, but just really being polished up now. I'm setting and visualising 'alone' goals... my custom design 'queen single' bed... purchasing the makings for that (and manchester all has to be made to fit - so I'll have to take up serious sewing lessons) - designing my solo cottage when child is off and gone... (realising he'll be independent in about five years and he knows I'm taking steps now to reclaim my autonomy)
I'm re-qualifying for career as I haven't been in "paid" workforce for a decade... and my days and nights are kept busy scribbling note and assignments (it's a tough course - with 65% drop out rate) and further study goals that have to be shaped there... I'm getting down and busy... home educating my son... as local highschools here didn't work for him... (suicide risks) so we get out to 'adventure' stuff...
I'm grateful and happy we don't have to public transport around... my "pink" car just exudes 'happy' anyway...

it's about making a choice to be happy...
and yes, for the last few weeks there has been a fellow 'sniffing' around... and I'm not 'dismissing' an involvement, but also not inviting anything... just being happy about it. (but laordy, when I tell him he has to book my time days in advance... he really needs to listen... cos I have no chance to be spontaneous at the moment...)
 TheEvolutionOfJessi
Joined: 8/29/2015
Msg: 14 (view)
 
What to do?
Posted: 9/7/2018 8:25:18 PM
::working on presumption that you're still living at 'his' place::
What to do??

take a day off work... without him knowing... get some friends and family that 'don't like him' to come over and help you pack and haul ass outta there.... since mum/mom helped you with strep throat, will she help you with a place to stay?
Go splurge somewhat on a luxury pamper retreat and celebrate doing whatever the frick you like... (I know I would spend that money now... )

Fear Of Missing Out on a 'fellow' may potentially have you miss out on the rest of your life....
in 'today's world, childless is not a place of shame.... for some it's an amazing feeling... still so much you can do....

The environment you've described, is toxic for a child to be raised in.... and high probability 'father' will bail... so you'll end up raising child alone... I don't think there's a 'mother' here who will say it's 'easy'.
 TheEvolutionOfJessi
Joined: 8/29/2015
Msg: 42 (view)
 
Advice please?
Posted: 9/2/2018 2:16:08 AM
I dare say you're missing the entire point of what most everybody (including your mother) is saying...

to take PREVENTATIVE action rather than curative...
things change once those hormones start racing around your body and decision making is affected...

better an 'invasive' non-hormonal IUD than some tool scraping out your uterus... right??? (rhetorical question there... you don't need to answer...)
 TheEvolutionOfJessi
Joined: 8/29/2015
Msg: 38 (view)
 
Advice please?
Posted: 9/1/2018 6:23:40 PM


They don't give IUD to women who haven't had kids it's too painful and possibly damaging.
My women's health doctor said you're supposed to of had kids to have it otherwise it's hard to insert and painful.


Outdated and incorrect information.


this is what I was going to say... so confirming this as I was asking at our local Family Planning - 5 year IUD's can be inserted... into women that have never had an expanded uterus...
it can be inserted under general anaesthetic if 'too painful'... and before you say doctor says that's "too dangerous"... it's exactly the same as the general you would be under to have your self declared abortion.... and abortions without generals are butchery... (my opinion)

Sienna... it's the old lady from across the island... take this bit of advice... from the moment you conceive that bunch of cells and a 'future' living organism, you have sentenced it to 'die'. One way or another, it's going to die. Sometimes it comes early... which is what my nursy & gutsy medico intuition tells me what happened with you - a full miscarriage.. not with 'heart' but with 'anxieties'... complicating your intricately working body systems...
Sometimes that death is 'later' when the bunch of cells has developed into a 'being'. Being a 'parent' is not just about nurturing.. it's about copping the abuse, it's about copping the bullying, it's about copping the giving up of your life.... I should know, I've got an obnoxious teenager giving it to me... I've actually called the cops on him... and they've had words... but it's making those 'hard' choices about shaping the 'future' member of society... have you proven to any of us that you're capable of even being a productive member of society yourself??

I was functional in my life, until 'surprise'... against the 'statistics' and one flight to USA later... I came back pregnant... Gaining an abortion in Tasmania - without two doctors signing off was still illegal... even now (I'm away from the island) I understand there are no practitioners to perform abortions... so have you covered legalities?? (I have no knowledge of mainland eastern states policies)

so just sch!t for you to think about... double contraception, you AND your b/f at the moment is paramount... - yes, I became pregnant under failed contraception... condom failure... I also had an aversiion to the hormonal components of the pill... and was not taking - and my sexual partner knew this...

this is why 'baby bonus' is a curse here in Australia - bails out too many 'surprise/couldn't-get-pregnant/I-was-careful' conceptions and the taxpayers are freaking sick of it... and I have upped that $$$ amount to my son... $40k if he does NOT make me a grandmother...
You come here complaining of being bullied by people you can walk away from... but I can tell you, as a parent you're vilified if you walk away from a child... Society shuns you... do you think you can handle that?? and yes, your mom says "she would end up looking after"... I can understand her point of view... she's done the hard yards... for at least 26 years... and she's sick and bloody tired of it... I'm sure she wants a bit of peace and quiet and probably mutters "FML" under her breath whenever her comfort is disrupted... which sounds like every five minutes from what you've relayed here...
 TheEvolutionOfJessi
Joined: 8/29/2015
Msg: 18 (view)
 
Do you save stuff like pictures/cards from past relationships?
Posted: 8/8/2018 12:08:11 AM
When much younger, I kept what I would call 'memories'... and even kept them 'discretely' tucked away when I was married... only for my 'then' husband to find them... and fly into a fury that I had kept them. (that was a massive red flag I missed but in my 'messed up emotional mind', I didn't know any better)
Sadly, I took a day to destroy them... needless to say, the marriage only lasted 6 maybe 7 years living together (and even that was a trial and a half) and another two for divorce...

Now-a-days... I make it clear I'm not into 'sentimental/commercial/syrupy', and I watch carefully if 'he' is inclined to 'gift' something... I'm not into 'photos' or 'records'... it's almost as if I feel that if things go south - there's less to insta-delete and shred/burn... Well, that's what happened 3 years ago because nothing has happened since then.
 TheEvolutionOfJessi
Joined: 8/29/2015
Msg: 20 (view)
 
How serious do people believe Reality TV like the Bachelor(ette)?
Posted: 8/7/2018 11:56:00 PM
nope... bad scripts and chronic editing spoiled reality TV for me...
I will admit, I do have a tendency to gravitate towards the 'legal' shows (border securities and roadside cops)... as I'm trying to show my teen son about choices and decisions in life (let's face it, 'generally', most of the folks pulled over are male...) and how choices made when young, affect you later in life...

but I don't for once believe these 'bachelor/ette', 'MAFS', 'insta romance' 'build-a-house-in-a- week' or 'big brother/losers' numbers are actually 'real'...
I guess they just feed more of my cynicism...
 TheEvolutionOfJessi
Joined: 8/29/2015
Msg: 144 (view)
 
Getting blocked by someone for no apparent reason
Posted: 7/25/2018 12:02:01 AM
I like yer style Dayna....
 TheEvolutionOfJessi
Joined: 8/29/2015
Msg: 34 (view)
 
Why did you message the last person you messaged?
Posted: 7/22/2018 8:27:54 PM


So 'why'?? My messages are mostly of 'cheersquad' variety... some ignored, other's replied... but mostly for encouragement in their quest but never intended to go anywhere with me.


Jessi, he sounds like a man that may be married, living with someone or in relationship. If he's willing to meet when he lives far away, he's most likely looking for sex only or I bet there's something seriously wrong with him. This scenario sounds scary to me. I'd be doing a background check on him, big time.


Eh MsTexasChick...

I dare say you misunderstood my "why"... that wasn't a question for the general public to answer.. but a statement returning 'back to the OP's question of 'why did you take this action??" (and me supplying my reasoning)

FWIW, I reiterate - the person of interest in my anecdote ain't gonna get met... cos I already halted the extremely low investment participation (so zero need for me to worry about 'married/defacto or do a background check).... but in 'our' part of the world, and the freeway running miles...'some' of our population here 'do' do the miles.... and think nothing of it....
 TheEvolutionOfJessi
Joined: 8/29/2015
Msg: 30 (view)
 
Why did you message the last person you messaged?
Posted: 7/21/2018 8:48:13 PM
Even though I'm 'hidden' profile, and not seriously 'looking' (mostly here for the forums).. I still windowshop...

So I stumbled across a profile that had some good content in it... the many lifestyle photos were interesting... (I almost made a comment about his moustache but left it) and he had described some of his life history... so I felt comfortable with his transparency... However, living about 45mins apart, I recognised that distance would be an issue... and I just felt that there were somethings we didn't gel on...
I just sent him a message to say 'great transparency', gutsy profile of content and best of luck as I knew I was not interested in being in 'romantic' contention...

I did not expect a reply... but he texted back that he was 'on the road' and would get back to me later...
Which he did, suggesting we meet for a connect up anyway... and I offered two days/times and open opportunity for him to choose a cafe or open park so he could bring his dog... but then he left it up to me... so without any executive decisions being made in 4 days - I sent a final 'gracefully bowing out of this meetup' best of luck - I never did read his 'reply' as I deleted it unread.... no need to see what had been said.

So 'why'?? My messages are mostly of 'cheersquad' variety... some ignored, other's replied... but mostly for encouragement in their quest but never intended to go anywhere with me.
 TheEvolutionOfJessi
Joined: 8/29/2015
Msg: 29 (view)
 
What dating mode are you in?
Posted: 7/21/2018 8:27:45 PM
I like to think I've been rather fluid over the years that I've been on PoF...

started out with intent of Mode 2 with intent of maybe living with someone... but eventually figured I only wanted non-cohabitation... (today is my divorce anniversary and I take that day seriously)

then I thought I'd explore Mode 3 - with not long term but just 'see how long we do go'... life changes etc... I felt so many blokes wanted to get into an insta-posession... kinda freaked me...

Now that I've been out of dating for a long time, and presently studying as well as teaching... my time is are taken up and I have no real time to date for 'serious'... I recognise I'm moving cross country again in a couple of years... so I'm realistically looking at Mode 6 - platonic friendships to take 'offline'... and Mode 9 - bloody comfortable with myself... because (generally) the blokes settled here in the 'heat' are not likely to want to move to the 'cold'...

Mostly I've secured Mode 13 with loads of laughs....
 TheEvolutionOfJessi
Joined: 8/29/2015
Msg: 11 (view)
 
Family problems, boyfriend wants me to live with him?
Posted: 7/3/2018 8:14:24 PM
Speaking as a fellow Aussie... and a mother.... and someone that got married way too young at 23.... (and I know about some of the study issues having attended both TAFE and UTas/Notre Dame... )

moving in with the boyfriend is NOT a great idea...
I see him (and his family) wanting to rescue you... and while this quality is admirable... it's a tricky trap that could lead to dysfunction... (could, not 'will')
in the end... it can become quite awkward... with your stressors, I suspect there are a few blurred lines that need defining and it might be too easy to let them be buried in your 'living in' situation...

I recognise there won't be 'rooms on campus' as many of the USA folks will be are accustomed to, but my recommendation is going to be house sharing, or taking on a 'boarding room' 'close' to course (are you at Uni real, or a TAFE?? - not segregating the two, just defining for my own understanding)
Have you accessed on campus counsellors?? Disability teams??? all of those people will be in better position to help you 'out of the frypan'... into a place you won't get burned again.

however, I'm an old lady and nobody listens to us... lol
 TheEvolutionOfJessi
Joined: 8/29/2015
Msg: 21 (view)
 
How Long Should You Date Someone Before Moving In Together?
Posted: 6/25/2018 10:42:45 PM
aaaah, the ol' how long is a piece of string - which reminds me of 'what is the string made of'????

for 'me'... I'm dating 'forever' and living apart.. there will be no 'living together'... heck, I'm kinda counting on my 14yo sickish cat to depart soon so I get the whole bed to myself and running away from home when my son is 'legal age'...

for others, like each of my siblings, they met and married/moved in within 5 weeks and are on 20/30 years of marriage....

it's a personal 'between the couple' thang and (I believe) only those involved should make the decision... (but cover your @$$ wisdom from other's goes a long way)

offtopic: wow, what have I missed these last few weeks??? Things developing are they CBGB??
 TheEvolutionOfJessi
Joined: 8/29/2015
Msg: 37 (view)
 
..but they're blowing smoke up your...
Posted: 5/21/2018 12:04:08 AM
Just passed my 14 year anniversary of quitting cold turkey.... (with thanx of my unknown pregnant body rejecting the pleasure.... )
whether it makes me judgmental or not, it's now a condition of friendship.... I just don't hang around people who smoke....
which means I also don't date them....

and considering a vaper just blew up.... (that's what I retained from brief read a few days ago) they are also included in my 'no go' list....


I had to laugh though, when I shot off a 'happenchance' message to one profile who advertised that they didn't smoke, they rejected me with "they 'do' smoke" hahaha.... takes all kinds....
 TheEvolutionOfJessi
Joined: 8/29/2015
Msg: 14 (view)
 
When is it ok to say I love you?
Posted: 5/4/2018 7:21:23 PM
As other's have said, it's YOUR timing...

for me though, (and your mileage may vary) if I heard that - especially that soon... (four dates) I'm gone... done... I've been burned way too harsh from 'love bombing' and have the battle scars to prove it...
In fact, I dare say nobody will hear that quotation from me for the remainder of my life...
 TheEvolutionOfJessi
Joined: 8/29/2015
Msg: 6 (view)
 
True or False? Only a fool would do such a thing?
Posted: 5/3/2018 8:28:36 PM
I've just joined a Wastebook group of older 'singles' - joined just before me is a POFer I corresponded with about 18 months ago... he probably remembers me... but I'm not phased... I don't see much to worry about since he lives way north of me (now)...

yeah, previous dates and I have discussed who we have 'seen' on POF... being a 'free' site, I wouldn't be surprised if creating a profile became rite of passage....
 TheEvolutionOfJessi
Joined: 8/29/2015
Msg: 31 (view)
 
THE great equalizer for us old farts?
Posted: 4/30/2018 6:38:14 PM
Time apart and time together....


I dare say this is why my female sibling's FIFO marriage has worked so well... and helped them last into 20 years together... she's a very strong overbearing woman... I have picked him for being a little weak (in my very few interactions with him)
He works in mining flying in and out of town for months at a time... he was in the military before mining... so more separations...
She stays at home (in the house they had to build 2 years after their last because they 'forgot' to put a theatre room in the old one) living on the income he provides...
The only time I've really understood him to stand up to her was on the subject of more than one child.... he said "No" and got a vasectomy...
 TheEvolutionOfJessi
Joined: 8/29/2015
Msg: 36 (view)
 
Was I wrong to kick her to the curb?
Posted: 4/30/2018 6:27:59 PM

She could have been driving a sports car. A RED sports car. Bad enough to be driving a sports car but a red one? We ALL KNOW (don't we?) that ALL women who drive sports cars probably wanted to be cheerleaders and could not make the cut. They ALL live the rest of their lives trying to make up for it.

She also coulda been one of those women who like to color their hair a different shade weekly. She could have shown up with BLONDE hair. It's the RULE isn't it? Blonde = BIMBO.

EVERY blonde woman is going to be a dingbat of some variety.

Correct?


now I just think that kpol is going from the [possible] sublime [although in hindsight - probable silly] to the ridiculous....

maybe trying to get some momentum going in the forums... are you?
 TheEvolutionOfJessi
Joined: 8/29/2015
Msg: 4 (view)
 
Was I wrong to kick her to the curb?
Posted: 4/29/2018 2:19:44 AM
:: shifts around getting comfy with a few beers &pretzels on side::: I’m thinking this is gonna get interesting reading when LiR and other motorcycle ma’ams Get in here.....

*personally, I’m not a motorcycle fan... I have toooo many anecdotes from patients, brother, buddies etc in my mind to consider them safe.... however, I’m not going to let motorcycle riding be a dealbreaker for me.... I just won’t be riding with him and armed with that knowledge, I’ll let him make up his mind....

I can’t say if it was too soon... only you can figure that out.
 TheEvolutionOfJessi
Joined: 8/29/2015
Msg: 74 (view)
 
Forum Wisdom?
Posted: 4/29/2018 1:13:35 AM
July... USN sailors closed down the “biggest & best” brothel here in 2002......exhausted the ladies.... we have stringent rules regarding working industry down here... in fact the working girls would be “cleaner” with frequent STD screenings than some of the bar girls that never get themselves tested.....
yes, your average joe hits the brothels and prostitutes - I dare say it’s just something not bragged about.
 TheEvolutionOfJessi
Joined: 8/29/2015
Msg: 11 (view)
 
THE great equilizer for us old farts?
Posted: 4/25/2018 6:44:52 PM

There was a thread floating around a while ago, about people's views on LATR's-Living Alone but Together Relationships. It simply boils down to, do whatever type of relationship you want, and look for someone with the same view or go it alone.


As soon as I read this topic, I instantly flashed back to that discussion, as well as the now active discussion about Women over 50 living on their own...
I'm in the 'on my own' category...
I just can't picture it in my future... I was asked about it in my last situationship when he wondered if I ever thought about marriage and more children... (give me a break, I'm almost forty friggen eight!!!! [was my gut reaction]) I suspect that had a one or two percent influence on our involvement...
Another situationship that ended up with me briefly moving in with a fellow, we had met because we lived in same street. My deal is now, must not live within a two mile radius...
Hell, I even had a mini heart attack the other week when my kidlet said "I'm never leaving home mom, you're too awesome...." (damnit kid, you don't have to, when you hit 18 and Child Protection Services not around, I'm running away back to my beloved Ice Island)

I've begun saving for my ultimate "Queen Single" bed... to only take me in it... wider than a king super single but not as wide as a double... it will go into a lovely French cottage bedroom suitable for me...
 TheEvolutionOfJessi
Joined: 8/29/2015
Msg: 241 (view)
 
Favorite POF forum posters?
Posted: 4/24/2018 12:52:30 AM


But I did want to ask, “Nataly? Seriously?”


Ditto....
when I read this I had to ask if there was perhaps another Nataly before the 2015 [timeframe] Nataly....

As for my personal favorites... hmmmmm, that's something I'll have to keep to myself, although there has been a European gent that certainly influenced a daydream of me cashing in my British by Descent ticket - Just so that I could entertain the idea of catching up over a beverage and shooting the breeze... (as I'm well aware I'm way out of his league but I did admire him)
 TheEvolutionOfJessi
Joined: 8/29/2015
Msg: 9 (view)
 
Too much emphasis and fear of being alone
Posted: 4/18/2018 2:51:00 AM
This was me at age 23... marrying because "it seemed like a good idea at the time".... 9 years of rough... and that wasn't the sex either!! I hear he's now successful with MrsK#3... in his longest marriage....

I have been 'single' for 20 years and now I embrace my singledom.... rather liberating... and being in a 'relationship' is not a problem to be solved... I would actually find it rather hard to make the time to put someone else as a priority...
Rather ironic considering my siblings are in 30 year marriages...
 TheEvolutionOfJessi
Joined: 8/29/2015
Msg: 5 (view)
 
Teenagers anyone?
Posted: 4/18/2018 2:42:59 AM
One teenager is enough... as I tell him, if I don't get at least 5 "I hate yous" per day, I'm not doing my job right... but his teachers seem to be sending me good news...
and that has been after a huge bout of ten years of chaos including me calling the cops to the house when he was 11... that bit of 'support' for both of us was an extreme... but well timed... as he knows I won't hesitate to do it again... but apparently I'm doing okay...

the only other incident I've had with teenagers was a fellow I was dating... and his teenaged boy (very reactive, hard to hold down a job and loads of anger inside) had a go at me [about a lifestyle choice about my dog's behaviour]... his father - weakly said that I hadn't helped when I gave back in defending myself...
I knew then that I wouldn't be supported if I had to cope with 'him' again and I split... I learned from that incident, to teach my boy... any man I choose to date deserves automatic respect (when finally introduced)... and I expect the respect barometer to fluctuate accordingly.... on both sides of the table...
however, I'm fairly sure I won't have to cross that bridge...
 TheEvolutionOfJessi
Joined: 8/29/2015
Msg: 10 (view)
 
On Point Kids
Posted: 4/18/2018 2:29:13 AM


Ooooooooh!! Burn! :) That's hilarious. What did you say in response to him? "Tu che my dear lad... tu che..."? :)


there are times I'll go with it.. with him on the Spectrum, I'm just glad he sees humor... even if it is a 'dig'... I could never get that 'partnership' joking going on with my [puritanical] mother... so I show him we 'oldies' still see fun in sex...

and 3 inch penis??? dang, is that erect??? (my son just saw this, he says "three inches??? is that the former of yours you told me about mom??")

the fun part... "remember kiddo, I have video evidence of your phallic stage at 13months old!!!"
 TheEvolutionOfJessi
Joined: 8/29/2015
Msg: 74 (view)
 
Fertility Matters
Posted: 4/18/2018 2:14:37 AM
"going back to good ole Catholic birth control... rhythm.."

and cue another surprise pregnancy....???
Ouch, I'm horrified... I recognise there's issues with the 'regular' methods... and sitting here watching I see you holding onto another child or two raising your brood to 5 or six...

I had a Uni pal... she was very churchy... but when I finally caught up with her after a period of no contact... she's finally sorted through her divorce, worked hard getting a University degree and had her first vacation away from her 7 children at age 57... her youngest was (at that time) 11years old... She says she went into marriage with one... and looked after her (then) husbands daughters... and bam, every year was popping out another baby... she said "Jess, I'm tired... I can't even work fulltime for the degree I've gained".... and their father doesn't even care.
but now she's hounding her firstborn boy to have children with his girlfriend... he doesn't want to...
He's had to help with all these siblings all his life.. and I can understand why he doesn't want children....

My father didn't want children... and I know my mother got pregnant (not just once, but 3 times) on purpose to try to make him step up and be a father and participate in their [dysfunctional] marriage.. this has not helped my self esteem - given much of the things I've discovered since their deaths...

July... some wise posters here have given lots of wise words... Fear Of Missing Out on a 'guy' because you have a viable womb - is that something you want to go into a relationship about??
 TheEvolutionOfJessi
Joined: 8/29/2015
Msg: 9 (view)
 
Fertility Matters
Posted: 4/11/2018 8:19:52 PM

how much do other woman on here think about it?


Perimenopausal woman... after having lost my daughter at birth (and after her I requested tubal ligation but was refused) I now have my 'one & done' (surprise @ age 37) and thank the taxpayers for their support in my 'special needs' role, and I'm truly over the 'need to breed'. This 'incubator' is out of service...
I have zero desire to be a grandmother... so offering my son his (almost) lifetime of (unused & saved) child support payments when he turns 21 to ensure this does not happen. (it's an offer, not a non-negotiable deal... ) We both agree that world is overpopulated (Australia has exceeded growth expectations by 8 years already) and we see the sense in the plot of Dan Brown's "Inferno".... (this is enhanced when we learned of a family of a single mom and 12 children at his local school.... yikes)

I purposely avoid men who have 'open to more children' or 'undecided', and I try to also veer away from young grandfathers... I recognise that this severely limits my dating pool... Even further limiting my opportunity is the fact that my one tweenager is a 'boy'.... as mentioned previously... boys/single moms is a combination that men [here on PoF have admitted] try to avoid.... I come from a family line of 'short' living (not past 70yo) and I have about 20 years ahead.... and from next year (after skills refresher sessions) I'll be working a lot of that... I don't want to be tied down to more children of 'young age'....

so as an older... I had a lot to think about.... I am fine with my choices....

your mileage may vary
 TheEvolutionOfJessi
Joined: 8/29/2015
Msg: 3 (view)
 
Forum Wisdom?
Posted: 4/11/2018 8:00:16 PM
I have learned that "your mileage may vary".... and "opinions are like farts, everybody has them but not all of them have to be aired in public"....


yeah, I'll have to think about a few things here... I'm sure the usual offenders (**wink wink**) will chime in before I get back...
 TheEvolutionOfJessi
Joined: 8/29/2015
Msg: 231 (view)
 
VERY LOW OPINION OV MY SELF EVEN LOWER
Posted: 4/10/2018 7:23:43 PM
^^^^
I sit corrected... you are right... let's hope OP has taken some of this discussion on board... as he got ten pages of attention...


In order to maintain the highest quality forums you are restricted to having no more then 2 of the last 10 posts on a thread.
Since 2 of the last 10 posts are yours you can not post to this thread.


Quality??? really???? lol
 TheEvolutionOfJessi
Joined: 8/29/2015
Msg: 40 (view)
 
You know you are getting OLD when...
Posted: 4/10/2018 7:17:28 PM
I know I'm 'still' somewhat young... because when I fell down the other day, everybody laughed at me.... people only rush to help you up when you're old **humor**

anyway... we were talking about 'bad sex'??? yeah, cruising into my third anniversary of last & bad sex... as Mustang says...
Some sex is bad b/c we choose the wrong partner. sometimes its bad b/c the person isn't as hot for us, as we are for them (like when we land someone outside our league). If we don't turn someone on, we can't really turn them on. We can just make their body feel something, but their head and heart may not be in it.

it was an awful night of missed miscommunications prior, that had a few weeks of prior issues.. and the opportunity was 'long & boring'... it was one of those 'I know this ain't going anywhere' nights... (prowess needed to overpower his heart not being in it)
damn, the things I would have changed if I had known it was going to be my last time LOL

as for how I know I'm 'old'... the hormonal loss of hair, (that's hurting) those nana naps in the afternoon... and the fact that I have to be in bed by 9pm... it's gonna be an interesting 20 years ahead. lol
 TheEvolutionOfJessi
Joined: 8/29/2015
Msg: 35 (view)
 
Who messages you and you know they're not compatible?
Posted: 4/10/2018 7:00:51 PM
What is this 'who messages you?" nonsense???? lol

lots of looks, no messages... and yeah, being a fat/bland/white woman.... (yes, cooldog I laughed) I message them and the 'horror' that I've made contact.... lol this is even on mutual 'meet me' fellows...

as for how I know they're not compatible or 'qualifiers'... not contributing to the message conversation...takes about four or five exchanges and I sense it's not going anywhere... and that's okay....
 TheEvolutionOfJessi
Joined: 8/29/2015
Msg: 7 (view)
 
On Point Kids
Posted: 4/10/2018 6:53:17 PM
I just hope that being this 'open' with our onpoint kids, that we're somewhat setting them up for 'healthy' selves...

my boy feels he can tell me... "just going to my room for a w@nk"....
me, "ya want me to put that on the front page of the newspaper??"

damn, some things I just don't need ta know.... lol
 TheEvolutionOfJessi
Joined: 8/29/2015
Msg: 229 (view)
 
VERY LOW OPINION OV MY SELF EVEN LOWER
Posted: 4/10/2018 6:39:15 PM
JulyStorm... that's a statement worth taking into my personal notes.... epic breakdown of something that has been going on in my head.... I trust you understand if I take it with 'credit' (but it's still only personal notes)

I know that *personally... I can't even begin to see Intimate attraction until I see strong indicators in the Functional, Physical and Personal attractions...

NewYorker...

True, you'd have to adjust what you want according to supply and demand, but one can't veer off too much, because then both men and women that feel they settled may not look at their s/o with loving eyes, but instead with a level of contempt. It wouldn't be fair to one's partner to have that attitude. I'd rather be by myself than be with someone that feels they settled. I'm not only looking to make myself happy, but also want my partner to be happy.


Nicely put.... I remember the gut ache of 'settling'... and how crumby I felt when I had to dissolve the situationship... Never want to go through that again, hurting someone else in raising their hopes.

(on an aside.... and on topic... just how long does OP consider 'a few days'.... l*****g b*****d still has that screenshot up after a week)
 TheEvolutionOfJessi
Joined: 8/29/2015
Msg: 90 (view)
 
When's the last time you met someone in real life to date?
Posted: 4/4/2018 7:07:17 PM
hmmm, I meet 'dateable' men in real life all the time.... library, hardware store, school yard, running club, pool service center... I just fail to recognise the opportunities... or maybe because I'm apathetic to factors of life I don't push for any more than idle 'chit chat'....

however - the last time I dated anyone that I met in real life, was hmmmmm 2006... yeah, lived just down the road from me and his exwife and children were no end of drama.... recognise that I shoulda left well enough alone - and probably why I don't take up 'todays' dateable opportunities.
 
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