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 Author Thread: Have you ever dated someone with Borderline Personality?
 novy 28
Joined: 11/28/2005
Msg: 749 (view)
 
Have you ever dated someone with Borderline Personality?
Posted: 1/27/2013 5:11:07 PM
She was a real nice, sweet girl. It always felt like walking on eggshells with her. I could not talk about subjects for fear of her just going straight 'emotional.' I would tell her and reaffirm her that I was only interested in her. She wouldn't buy that. I only went out with her and her alone, yet she had an uncontrollable desire to always go in my phone and check everything out. It was so annoying because I told her that I trusted her enough that I didn't look in her phone. She would go through emails and 'find' something that I didn't even know I had. She would be nice one second, three seconds later, crying explaining I didn't do something that she felts I should do. She kept telling me her feelings were real, but it is hard to put up with that if you are crying over everything- acting like a baby!!!!!! I dated that girl for almost 5 years and let me tell you, a small argument to normal people was HUGE for her, and I often found myself looking at her while she packs her bags and leave- became to be 3 month intervals. I told her she needs to stop running after every argument, just go to another room to cool down. Kept doing it, so I fianally put down my foot and put an end to it. She tried to come back one more time to talk about the argument, I had had enough!!!!!! Some guys may say I'm soft, I just had a lot of patience and tried to work things out (and it's true, people like this keep reinforcing the fact that it's 'your fault'). I may be wrong, but I am free!!!!! I saw a pattern that could not be worked out, if we had married, what would happen then?

Anybody in a relationship like this, RUN, RUN, RUN!!!!!!!
 novy 28
Joined: 11/28/2005
Msg: 37 (view)
 
What do you change when you have found the right mate???
Posted: 11/24/2010 9:30:46 PM
I like what you said. That is the truth there.
 novy 28
Joined: 11/28/2005
Msg: 325 (view)
 
Prenuptial - maintaining physique - is it reasonable?
Posted: 11/9/2008 12:36:03 PM
If you need a prenup, then you are just signing your divorce decree. You do not really love the person. There are so many things that matter, this is not one of them
 novy 28
Joined: 11/28/2005
Msg: 139 (view)
 
How to forget someone? How to let go?
Posted: 11/9/2008 12:33:55 PM
Drop them like wet sauer kraut and all will be done!!!!
 novy 28
Joined: 11/28/2005
Msg: 47 (view)
 
Why are you so good to me?
Posted: 11/9/2008 12:32:44 PM
There is nothing wrong with you are doing. Like on poster said, it is not commonplace anymore. I treat women with the utmost respect and because of that some women want to start a relationship when I was just trying to be nice. By what I just said, I do not mean that I try to charm women, I am just saying that many people do not care about another person, all about self. There is nothing wrong in this whole wide world to help people- more of us should do it.

You are correct when you say that you have been dumped for these acts of kindness. I have been in that situation several times. There is nothing wrong with you, just not the right guy for you. Many people are raised to backstab and 'take' what they want and when there is a person of opposite 'morals' that cross their path, they have no idea how to deal with it.

Just keep what you are doing, God is smiling down on you and will have your path cross with the person that is meant to be with you. Dont change now.

Good luck to you!!!
 novy 28
Joined: 11/28/2005
Msg: 85 (view)
 
Judging me by the shoes I'm wearing???
Posted: 9/27/2008 7:21:20 PM
LOL!~ I was thinking more along the lines of a "Special" class when reading velcro!!!!

DrDottie, I am with you. I thought the same thing!!
 novy 28
Joined: 11/28/2005
Msg: 296 (view)
 
Rejected after the first date?
Posted: 9/27/2008 7:17:43 PM
We all have gone through dry spells. Don't worry about it. Next thing you know you will post a thread asking why so many women are after you.
 novy 28
Joined: 11/28/2005
Msg: 427 (view)
 
ETHNIC ATTRACTION...
Posted: 9/27/2008 7:10:36 PM
I really don't care what anyone thinks about who I date. I date outside of my race, I love women so it doen't matter. Although I have talked to a few and i have gotten two explanations of why they could not date outside of their race; 1) parents would disown them, and 2) 'Aren't all of you black criminals, I can't date a criminal'.

At that point, I gladly leave them alone. They have problems way beyond me.

I ask these two questions to everyone; would you rather date someone of another race who truly feels right for you despite what everyone else thinks, or do you sacrifice true joy and succumb to what everyone else wants for you? I encourage everyone to think about that, you just dont know what you are missing.
 novy 28
Joined: 11/28/2005
Msg: 207 (view)
 
for the ladies....can you TRULY say money ain't a factor?
Posted: 9/27/2008 6:54:43 PM
I have dated a few women where did not matter and a few where money was what their life revolved around. I am in point now where I can detect it, if that is what w=she is after, I am gone.

Rule of thumb, if you are showering a woman with money, not necessarily is she a gold digger- you showed her what you had, so she wants a piece of the pie.

Best thing to do is to keep two cars- your good one is the one you go to work in and the clunker is what you drive on a date- yes, even first date! If she talks to you in the clunker, you have a keeper. If she turns up her nose, there you go!

Once you get to know her, then you reveal your good cat. But then and only then!!!

I think you know how to date, so I don't need to explain that to you.

Good luck!!


P.S. The clunker worked for me on a few occassions. Some still only see my clunker!!!
 novy 28
Joined: 11/28/2005
Msg: 25 (view)
 
Only dating for attention, validation and free stuff?
Posted: 9/27/2008 6:44:06 PM
I would have to say that you are offering them the world, so they are accepting it. I do not know what your 'date' consists of with these women, but for all of them telling you the same thing, maybe you think you need to praise them with expensive dinners and so forth. If you just be yourself and just tell them you want to go to the park or something with a prepared basket, you will get a different response. If they accept, they are interested in you. If they decline, you don't need them anyway.

Forget the dumb stuff, let some other jive turkey pick up the tab!
 novy 28
Joined: 11/28/2005
Msg: 13 (view)
 
Appropriate behaviour before & during a date
Posted: 9/27/2008 6:34:48 PM
Some people feel that their whole life should revolve around sex. Don't worry about that guy, there are plenty of guys that treat women with respect every day. Just takes a while to weed out the good from the bad.

Be careful and not put all men in one basket, you will never find anyone for you. I have been in situations where the situations did not work out for the best, does not feel too good at first put have to put everything into perspective and realize that others are out there looking for the same things you are.
 novy 28
Joined: 11/28/2005
Msg: 32 (view)
 
Cooking and homemaking for one's self -- abnormal?
Posted: 9/23/2008 5:57:46 PM
I have lived alone for the past 5 years. I bought myself a house, and I too decorate it and landscape the outside. There is nothing wrong at all doing for yourself. Fast foo taste like garbage nowadays, and home cooked, if you get sick, at least you know where your hands and mouth have been- who knows where restaurant people hands have been.
 novy 28
Joined: 11/28/2005
Msg: 15 (view)
 
Saying your sorry
Posted: 9/22/2008 5:17:22 PM
You are so smart!!!! I like what you have just said. I was with someone who carried it to the extreme. Every time we had a disagreement, evry one else knew. Every time she and one of her friends had a disagreement, everyone else knew.

I respect you very much because you said the magic words ' getting to know your S O'.
 novy 28
Joined: 11/28/2005
Msg: 15 (view)
 
Playing Games With Sex
Posted: 9/22/2008 5:13:14 PM
Desert wildflower, I could not agree with you more. You hit the nail on th head, that is the way I feel about it. Sometimes it just seems that the sex clouds the situation. I know some people that use it to settle an argument, I do not see it that way when after the two of you have done your business, then the problem is still there.

Many people call the man a punk for not jumping on the bones, but my opinion is if he is a 'matured' man, then he would want to resolve lingering problems.
 novy 28
Joined: 11/28/2005
Msg: 14 (view)
 
Playing Games With Sex
Posted: 9/22/2008 5:12:26 PM
Desert wildflower, I could not agree with you more. You hit the nail on th head, that is the way I feel about it. Sometimes it just seems that the sex clouds the situation. I know some people that use it to settle an argument, I do not see it that way when after the two of you have done your business, then the problem is still there.

Many people call the man a punk for not jumping on the bones, but my opinion is if he is a 'matured' man, then he would want to resolve lingering problems.
 novy 28
Joined: 11/28/2005
Msg: 57 (view)
 
Good man versus the man who actually GETS you
Posted: 9/22/2008 5:05:05 PM
There are plenty of people that use the emotion card for selfish reasons. Take from me! I use to know a woman like that. Most of the time a guy hears you, he just refuses to respond for two reasons 1) he knows that you will not accept his answer, and 2) he just probably feels that you are acting childish. There is nothing worse than a woman that has those wheels turning!

There is a difference between a legitimate complaint and complaining for spite. A legitimate complaint would be if you took every precaution to see that your door was locked and somone came in anyway. A complaining for spite would be that you left your front door open and unlocked, and someone came in.

I can talk and help someone with complaint number 1, but I could care less about complaint number 2. What I am saying is, make sure that you have done all that you can do to remedy a situation before you come crying to us guys. We can tell you real quick what to do, but it just prolongs the pain ( for us).
 novy 28
Joined: 11/28/2005
Msg: 19 (view)
 
men and money,
Posted: 4/20/2008 3:13:32 AM
I agree with racer256. I am 33 and have always paid for the outings. I never expected anything in return nor did I feel like I controlled anyone either. I was raised (with two parents) that a man took care of paying. Manners, common courtesy, etc.

I have been out a few times where it was obvious we were not going anywhere in the conversation, even had one woman talk about me in my face. I did not like the situation one bit, but I was a man and paid. I did not bail like some have told me I should have done. I look back at the situation now, I am still glad I paid, it has shaped me into a better person.

It is not all men that treat women like OP has stated, it is the men she is attracted to that do.

Find better quality men. It is very possible!!
 novy 28
Joined: 11/28/2005
Msg: 18 (view)
 
men and money,
Posted: 4/20/2008 3:13:05 AM
I agree with racer256. I am 33 and have always paid for the outings. I never expected anything in return nor did I feel like I controlled anyone either. I was raised (with two parents) that a man took care of paying. Manners, common courtesy, etc.

I have been out a few times where it was obvious we were not going anywhere in the conversation, even had one woman talk about me in my face. I did not like the situation one bit, but I was a man and paid. I did not bail like some have told me I should have done. I look back at the situation now, I am still glad I paid, it has shaped me into a better person.

It is not all men that treat women like OP has stated, it is the men she is attracted to that do.

Find better quality men. It is very possible!!
 novy 28
Joined: 11/28/2005
Msg: 15 (view)
 
Why do some guys do this?
Posted: 4/20/2008 3:02:44 AM
Most of the time there is a trait that is obviously present, the woman chooses who she wants to go out with. I have been out many times, not tried anything at all because I truly want to get to know the woman. Usually no second date because in their own words, ' I was practically giving myself to you, and you did nothing.' I do not get upset, I just laugh it off because they are the one with the problem, not me.

The women that are complaining are going for a certain type of guy and complain when they cannot 'change' this guy. For example, you put a lamb in the lions den, and the lion eats the lamb. You cannot cry and wonder why the lion at the lamb- that is what the lion is programmed to do. Same with these guys that want 'one thing', these women know it, they are playing just as much asthe guys are. If the women wanted a true long term, they would restrain their urges as well, and find quality people to talkl to.

How do you like them apples?
 novy 28
Joined: 11/28/2005
Msg: 12 (view)
 
Is it alright to point out your partners flaws?
Posted: 4/18/2008 2:35:03 PM
There is no need in pointing out your partner's flaws. That is the whole point that you are talking to them, because you accepted their whole package. Just like the grocery store. You go to the tomato aisle and play with the tomatoes- squeeze them, rub them, see how red they are. If one does not suit your need, you keep squeezing until you find the right one.
Can't make one be another!!!
 novy 28
Joined: 11/28/2005
Msg: 4 (view)
 
what do you think is the real problem here?
Posted: 4/18/2008 2:31:31 PM
6 months. Well it depends on how 'deep' you two were in the relationship. How early did you give him the cookie in the relationship?
 novy 28
Joined: 11/28/2005
Msg: 2 (view)
 
what do you think is the real problem here?
Posted: 4/18/2008 2:26:49 PM
You have not said how long you have been talking to him. If a short period, he may feel that you are trying to throw yourself on him. Give a little more insight, then maybe can narrow it down.
 novy 28
Joined: 11/28/2005
Msg: 14 (view)
 
why do people cheat?
Posted: 4/18/2008 2:06:51 PM
She is there because she likes it. She does not want to be alone in the sense of knowing she has someone to go to. If she breaks it off with him, she has no one. Sounds as if she does not have much of a social life either- just when she goes to Tacoma.
 novy 28
Joined: 11/28/2005
Msg: 79 (view)
 
best ways to get even with your ex
Posted: 4/18/2008 2:03:56 PM
Stop all contact with them. When you do it the first day, no matter how much you want to contact them, don't. It has to be taken one day at a time, but it is possible.
 novy 28
Joined: 11/28/2005
Msg: 170 (view)
 
Pre-Nups before Marriage --- good or bad ?
Posted: 4/18/2008 10:58:21 AM
I do not like pre-nups. To me, you are setting yourself up for failure. If you really, truly love someone, there is no need for a pre-nup. I do think people need to spend more time getting to know one another before they want to enter into a marriage.
 novy 28
Joined: 11/28/2005
Msg: 77 (view)
 
best ways to get even with your ex
Posted: 4/18/2008 10:47:44 AM
Best way is to just move on. . . God can put a bigger whammy on them than you can ever think of.
 
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