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 Author Thread: So many desperate 40+ women out there...
 chameleonf
Joined: 12/22/2008
Msg: 303 (view)
 
So many desperate 40+ women out there...
Posted: 7/30/2015 11:24:31 AM
OMG...they're two parrots in here now! Quick, net them before a dentist with a bow and arrow tries to take them down!!
 chameleonf
Joined: 12/22/2008
Msg: 293 (view)
 
So many desperate 40+ women out there...
Posted: 7/30/2015 10:29:03 AM
There's a fricking parrot in here!! Someone get a net!
 chameleonf
Joined: 12/22/2008
Msg: 152 (view)
 
Online World Different From Offline
Posted: 7/30/2015 9:43:10 AM
The methods used online as opposed to offline may be different, but the people are the same. You're going to get subterfuge by those who are inherently dishonest or you're going to get transparency by those who are inherently honest, no matter how you meet them. The dishonest will use different tactics for different reasons depending on what the goal is. I wouldn't say those who are online are any different than those who you find offline. The discovery of the dishonest is just more apparent online. Their dishonesty offline just makes them be more ingenious because they don't have the computer to initially hide behind.
 chameleonf
Joined: 12/22/2008
Msg: 30 (view)
 
Cecil the Lion’s Alleged Killer ...
Posted: 7/30/2015 8:17:22 AM
Makes you wonder if he collects all the teeth he's ever pulled as a competition in order to match or beat a number of someone else, such as in this case of collecting: http://factstore.info/collection-made-of-more-than-of-two-million-of-teeth-or-little-hobby-of-giovanni-battista-orsenigo-monk-and-dentist/

I can understand hunting in the wild for food and more particularly when it's licensed to cull the numbers out of necessity in certain areas and when it's done as humanely as possible (not that the meats we put on our tables from the grocery store are obtained in the most humane way), but to kill for the sake of collecting or for one upmanship is so ego driven it's pathetic.
 chameleonf
Joined: 12/22/2008
Msg: 55 (view)
 
It Just Gets Ya Right They're...
Posted: 7/29/2015 3:00:48 PM
Almost makes a person want to get a group together to sponsor BP or one of his ilk for a Genographic Project kit. It would bring a new meaning to one beating one's self up.
 chameleonf
Joined: 12/22/2008
Msg: 320 (view)
 
Donald Trump running for Presidency 2016
Posted: 7/29/2015 1:24:54 PM

Ummm, no... Trump is a party of one... The Trump party...

This is true...but it would have been a great ploy...
 chameleonf
Joined: 12/22/2008
Msg: 318 (view)
 
Donald Trump running for Presidency 2016
Posted: 7/29/2015 12:47:33 PM
Maybe Trump's a closet Democrat. What a brilliant way to sway the vote the other way with no intention of actually becoming president!
 chameleonf
Joined: 12/22/2008
Msg: 281 (view)
 
So many desperate 40+ women out there...
Posted: 7/29/2015 11:13:07 AM
What's with the obsession with women 40+?? Could it be that he thinks it's going to take him that long to find someone who will tolerate him, has little hope of it and is attempting to teach them the error of their ways before it's too late...for him?? Or is it that he's already in his 40s and no one will have him and it's all the women's fault? Nah, simply the garden variety troll attempting to do what trolls do....pfffft....next....
 chameleonf
Joined: 12/22/2008
Msg: 69 (view)
 
6 Degrees of POF messages
Posted: 7/28/2015 3:20:41 PM
I wouldn't call it comical or junior high. With all the ups and downs the site has been encountering and with the speculation that the forums may be discontinued under new ownership, I can understand how people would go out of their way to contact as many people as possible to inform them that such is not the case - at least for now. By calling people helping out others morons, etc., it would likely have been quite refreshing to have had to stick to the temporary URL in order that some of the sour grapes who weren't getting contacted couldn't find their way back in to continue with the usual trolling tripe.
 chameleonf
Joined: 12/22/2008
Msg: 256 (view)
 
So many desperate 40+ women out there...
Posted: 7/28/2015 2:07:54 PM

Sure the OP may have been a bit crude, but isn't it possible he might have a point?


Enlighten us as to what that point may be. Will it be the same but put in "gentler terms". I for one would be interested in how you would couch it for it to be less offensive.
 chameleonf
Joined: 12/22/2008
Msg: 60 (view)
 
6 Degrees of POF messages
Posted: 7/28/2015 1:58:08 PM
furtilizer = gardens = trolls Yippee, back in business!
 chameleonf
Joined: 12/22/2008
Msg: 49 (view)
 
6 Degrees of POF messages
Posted: 7/28/2015 12:18:52 PM
From my end of things, looks like things are back to running like they always have. I just tried and gained entry as I always did before so it appears their "glitch" has been fixed.
 chameleonf
Joined: 12/22/2008
Msg: 22 (view)
 
6 Degrees of POF messages
Posted: 7/28/2015 8:35:27 AM
Woot! I'm in again. Thanks to whom shall remain nameless in case anyone wished I couldn't find my way back...lol
 chameleonf
Joined: 12/22/2008
Msg: 17 (view)
 
I would do anything for love.... but I won't do that!
Posted: 7/24/2015 8:35:53 PM
Simple answer - no.
 chameleonf
Joined: 12/22/2008
Msg: 60 (view)
 
Men happier married vs Women happier single - according to research
Posted: 7/22/2015 12:05:56 PM

I sense a certain level of misandrism here.
I feel for these women, and men, whose backgrounds have left them seared relationally.


There's certainly no misandry on my part. The vast majority of men are great...I just don't want to live with them any more than I'd want a female roommate. I see no real reason to. I look after myself financially, own my own home, do all household/yard chores myself. I am left with time to enjoy the companionship of the same man I have for the past 10 years, which is free of any of those things that both men and women complain about regarding marriage or living together. Having experienced a relationship of 35 years (30 of it living together) and now the past 12 years living on my own, I find the latter to be extremely satisfying and stress-free. Some people have a need for marriage, which isn't wrong at all - for them - but I find that the majority of women my age do desire monogamous relationships but not necessarily those which entail living together. Just because you've lived life a certain way which conformed to society's standards doesn't mean your entire life has to follow the same pattern. Women aren't as eager to marry as they were years ago because there isn't the associated societal shaming there once was, nor is there a need due to financial reasons. Pretty sad that people partner for those reasons.


I think it's because most middle-aged men grew up in the 1950's with mothers who did all of the cooking, cleaning, childcare and housework. This conservative belief is seared in men's minds as HOW THINGS SHOULD BE.


I believe LH is right there, whether it's 1950s or prior as VK states. Being married for some men is like being mothered and that's what they seek and/or expect - it's their comfort zone. If that's what they want, there's nothing the matter with it but it may get more difficult to find a woman willing to fill that type of role. Women may reach a certain age where, having experienced long-term marriages or even a series of them, want something different out of life when the opportunity presents itself. Whatever it is you seek has no bearing on my life and vice versa. I don't see this as cause to bash the other gender - it's just a dynamic that has evolved because life choices have evolved.
 chameleonf
Joined: 12/22/2008
Msg: 53 (view)
 
Men happier married vs Women happier single - according to research
Posted: 7/22/2015 8:43:05 AM

I'm assuming most dating couples would spend time at each others place during courtship. If a woman goes to a guy's place, and he has his dirty underwear hanging on lampshades, wet clothes hanging on the blades of the ceiling fan, his other clothes all over the floor, two inches of dust on the furniture, and the woman is Miss Prim and Proper with everything put away in it's proper place and spotless, why would she agree to any co-habitation situation? Does the woman think that after saying "I do" at the altar or moving in together, the slob of a guy will suddenly put on a French maid's outfit, and spend all day, everyday cleaning and cooking?


It's seems to be a strange dynamic that takes place before, during and after co-habitation. Many (the majority) of men are perfectly capable of cleaning up after themselves when living by themselves but for some strange reason a 1950s mentality takes over when living with a woman. I don't know whether to place the blame on the men, the women or both, however, this seems to be a HUGE piece of the groundwork that lays the foundation for the beginning of the end, at least form so many women's perspective.

For instance, my ex started out always helping with housework. Every weekend we'd race around on Saturday mornings getting the bigger household chores done and then have the rest of the weekend to spend doing whatever we wanted, whether it was together or occasional pursuits without being in each other's hip pocket. It was great. Not long after, however, it slid to where it somehow became my responsibility to do all those things. Fast forward to post-divorce and he has to do everything with no help at all and it seems like a huge burden to him while I continue to do what I always did but without the contributory cleanup after him. Yup, I'm happier living in a single household while in a relationship with someone else. There's nothing to fight about. No division of responsibilities, no financial squabbles, neither person lamenting about what the other "should" be doing. The relationship is focused on the individual and not all the other "stuff" that seems to get in the way when living together daily.
 chameleonf
Joined: 12/22/2008
Msg: 4 (view)
 
Men happier married vs Women happier single - according to research
Posted: 7/21/2015 3:37:30 PM
I think the responses may differ based on age ranges. In my age range I believe more men would be happier to marry than women and more women happier to be in a well rounded relationship.
 chameleonf
Joined: 12/22/2008
Msg: 191 (view)
 
So many desperate 40+ women out there...
Posted: 7/21/2015 8:47:33 AM

I want to be the one to pay all the bills with her money this time


This may or may not have been said tongue in cheek but one has to wonder of those who say it in all seriousness why they allowed it in the first place and then whine about it afterward.
 chameleonf
Joined: 12/22/2008
Msg: 172 (view)
 
So many desperate 40+ women out there...
Posted: 7/20/2015 10:11:54 PM
...and yet you'd think by so many men's responses that their great wealth is being plundered...pfft...half of median income is exactly what? Certainly not wealth.
 chameleonf
Joined: 12/22/2008
Msg: 170 (view)
 
So many desperate 40+ women out there...
Posted: 7/20/2015 10:05:47 PM
The forums are full of the rich and famous?? Who knew!
 chameleonf
Joined: 12/22/2008
Msg: 18 (view)
 
Kicked out boyfriend but I want him back...
Posted: 7/16/2015 3:36:51 PM
What I find most interesting is that he had been toking for months and you didn't know about it. The use itself, therefore, wasn't creating a problem with the relationship and you were happy with him to the point you had him move in with you and things were just fine, according to you, until two weeks ago. The biggest problem you seem to have with him was that he lied to you about it and likely the biggest problem he has with you is that you want to control him, probably in more ways than one or you wouldn't have found information that he was b!tching about you to his friends. The way you found out about it was by snooping. If I were you, I'd resign yourself to not being a match for each other. You can't trust him not to toke and, if I were him, I couldn't trust you to not to dig into his personal electronic devices when you aren't given permission to.

Personally, I know chronic users and recreational users, both young and old. Chronic users bother me a bit in that they feel the need to constantly ride a high and it takes more toking to achieve it. There's usually an underlying reason for it, just as there is for someone who's a constant user of alcohol - and by chronic pot use, I mean at least hourly all day long. Recreational users don't bother me any more than people going out for a drink or two and they go weeks and months in between using.

If this was an strong issue for you to begin with, it will always be a strong issue for you. If he can't leave it alone to appease you, he's either a chronic user and has been hiding it from you every time he's out of your sight or he's recreational and is feeling like he can't enjoy himself with his friends and family as he always has before he met you. If your convictions against it are as strong as you proclaim, stick to them and find someone else.
 chameleonf
Joined: 12/22/2008
Msg: 182 (view)
 
What Does it really mean when a woman uses the word financially secure in her post
Posted: 7/9/2015 8:25:36 AM

Financially secure = back off hobos!!


lol...or or or...maybe it means: Financially secure = I'm having a hard time getting responses so maybe if I add that I have money, some hobo WILL send me a message

Don't know, don't care why anyone else puts what they put in their profiles. If it's that much concern to anyone, go to them and ask them direct if it means that much to you.
 chameleonf
Joined: 12/22/2008
Msg: 37 (view)
 
Is a relationship 50-50? Financially speaking?
Posted: 7/8/2015 2:04:57 PM

All equality, feminism bullshit aside. Some men seem to forget that women need to feel security in a relationship, be it safety or financial with a man.


I wouldn't call it feminism in this day and age but I would call it, if not equality (based on each individual's earning, saving, spending capacity or habits), fair play. I don't get the "safety" part. I don't live with a man and feel just as safe with as without.

As far as women needing to feel security in a relationship, that depends on age more than anything. If young and looking to have a family or blend one and all the financial wrangling that goes with it, sure, I can see where a woman and man may want to have one of them stay home or need to work in some capacity to supplement an income and, based on that, feel that their partner is financially responsible and saves and spends accordingly. For individuals outside of that scenario and/or my age bracket, not so much. If you can't be financially secure in your own right without depending on someone else to bankroll you and that's your main criteria for dating or eventually living together, no thanks.

vvvv ...lol...Why does the debate always seem to come back to living in caves, hunting, and wearing loin cloths, etc. If you can find a man in North America that lives in that manner, go ahead and nurture the hell out of him. It's not life as we know it today as a general rule. As we've evolved, so have needs and expectations - well for some of us anyway I guess.
 chameleonf
Joined: 12/22/2008
Msg: 24 (view)
 
Is a relationship 50-50? Financially speaking?
Posted: 7/8/2015 12:07:16 PM

Also, try living on a woman's wages that you are dating. Perhaps you are dating beneath you and out of your league.

This begs the question of how does the woman manage to get by when not dating if her financial means are much less than the men she is dating? Is she dating to improve her savings and/or experience things she wouldn't normally be able to on her own...or is she dating because she wants to share her life with someone permanently, at which time finances would intermingle to some degree? I have a feeling more relationships wind up being based on ulterior financial considerations by both genders than many people would even care to admit to themselves, which becomes even more readily apparent when the newfound sexual highs start to diminish. If the sex diminishes, he feels cheated and resentful and starts feeling used and she feels cheated if monetary items are withheld because of it...and round and round it goes in relationships based on this form of score keeping.
 chameleonf
Joined: 12/22/2008
Msg: 49 (view)
 
The confederate flag debate.
Posted: 7/8/2015 11:50:47 AM

Politicians will take money from anybody so long as its not the type of organization that can hurt them in the polls.. My whole point is that nobody pays attention to them because they are like Toothless dogs. They can do nothing but rant. They have been ranting forever. They have changed nothing and will never change anything, especially because the Constitution and the Federal Code prevents them from doing anything at all. Its ranting, that's all . . . our on board supremacist is pissing into the wind.

I agree. I see somewhat of a parallel with the province of Quebec in Canada. Constantly threatening to split from the rest of Canada but expecting the same handouts from the rest of the country that they currently are accustomed to. As much as a large number of them they would like to separate, the majority are smart enough to know that they'd be cutting off the hand that feeds them. The rest of Canada's debt would drop by 1/4 and Quebec's already high debt would increase by at least 1/4 more. Separate but "equal"...hardly.
 chameleonf
Joined: 12/22/2008
Msg: 46 (view)
 
The confederate flag debate.
Posted: 7/8/2015 9:47:31 AM

Stop the hate ; separate.


I'm all for "stop the hate - integrate". It's the haters of the world who feel the need to separate - have at 'er - you won't be missed on your mountaintop eking out your paranoid existence.
 chameleonf
Joined: 12/22/2008
Msg: 18 (view)
 
Is a relationship 50-50? Financially speaking?
Posted: 7/8/2015 9:06:47 AM
Unfortunately, there ARE far too many women with the expectation that men should pay for whatever a woman has her eye on and it doesn't seem to make a difference what age they are. I suspect the younger ones learn it from their mother's who have the same attitude or possibly learned from even father's who still believe in this day and age that women can't be self-sufficient and pay their own way in life. Some women expect it in order to flaunt it to their female acquaintances as though it's some kind of badge of desirability. Whatever the reason for the attitude, I find it distasteful.

It's an entirely different story if a man or a woman wants to "gift" something to their date or partner for no other reason than they want to, no matter what form that "gift" may take, be it meals, clothing, trips, groceries, etc., but an expectation that you deserve it for no other reason than being female is ridiculous. People's money is their own, no matter if they earn more than you, and it isn't an automatic qualifier that, therefore, they are required to pay your way unless it is made clear they have a desire to do so.

This isn't something that is strictly limited to females. There are plenty of men who will use women financially as well if they are allowed to. There have been many posts by women supporting this. The key words are "if they are allowed to". If the OP has allowed the behaviour then it becomes an expectation over time by someone who is willing to take advantage of the expenditures. You can't expect to use financial bait to secure a partner who feeds off of people in that manner and then expect them to be pleased when you find fault when you start to feel used. The solution is not to allow yourself to be used in the first place - then you'll have nothing to complain about. The other person may be a user, but then you've been disingenuous. Communicate to begin with and stop playing games.
 chameleonf
Joined: 12/22/2008
Msg: 101 (view)
 
Why do men not know what they want?
Posted: 7/7/2015 4:32:56 PM

I don't care and never cared for your opinion regardless of topic, the end. I don't say this to be crass or otherwise, I just think it's considerate to let women know not to waste their time having expectations never to be fulfilled.


Not to worry. With you, sweet Belle, there are no expectations other than those which you repeat to your detriment. You don't have to say anything to be crass...you just are. An opinion that you won't, obviously care about, but one based in fact nonetheless. Have a good one!
 chameleonf
Joined: 12/22/2008
Msg: 98 (view)
 
Why do men not know what they want?
Posted: 7/7/2015 3:20:24 PM

If she really likes the guy, she'll let some things slide, if she doesn't like the guy, he has to try harder for her to consider him.


Huh? If I don't like someone, I'm certainly not about to play games by having them jump through some kind of hoops in order to consider them. I don't like them, remember? What's the point in letting them believe I'll "consider them". I guess you more properly should have been referring to yourself, rather than attempting to make this an all-inclusive women behaviour. If my daughter, who is around your age, told me that's how she operated, I'd knock the tiara off her head she had no business placing there.


I was waiting for the 3rd date to be as fantastic as the prior 2 dates, and it would have made me consider sleeping with him, even out of pity. But he downgraded to a picnic with no idea on how to execute such a thing. If I had liked him, it wouldn't have mattered, but since I did not like him enough, he had to make the dates special.


So, in other words, if you don't like them you make them fill your constantly hungry gut or ego while you toy with them and pay them back with sex if you like them just a little bit more than not at all, or even just out of pity if you don't like them at all; however, if you really like them, they have to pay even more. Nice. Too bad all prospects out there don't get to read your MO. This isn't a case of men not knowing what they want as per the OP...this type of response is more a case of guys not knowing what they're getting until they've been had by a user. Sorry if you don't like what I have to say, but you're the one telling on yourself.
 chameleonf
Joined: 12/22/2008
Msg: 9 (view)
 
Repost from wrong forum. Am I being used or what?
Posted: 7/7/2015 9:59:44 AM
If I waited on my ex to get the divorce going, I still wouldn't be divorced 12 years later. If she was interested in the same type of relationship you are, she would have found a way to get the divorce going, especially after you indicated you would help pay for it. Sometimes ultimatums are in order. Both of you need to sh!t or get off the pot, but especially you. She's apparently content with the status quo but you aren't. That being the case, the ball's in your court.
 chameleonf
Joined: 12/22/2008
Msg: 138 (view)
 
Why do women think sarcasm is a desirable trait?
Posted: 7/6/2015 2:49:57 PM
^^^so who are sarcastic idiots trying to educate??
 chameleonf
Joined: 12/22/2008
Msg: 47 (view)
 
Why do men not know what they want?
Posted: 7/6/2015 11:10:46 AM
Whether a person wants to wait to have sex or prefers to have it on the first date, in my opinion, far too much emphasis is placed on sex and not enough on getting to know other aspects of an individual. You can ride along far too long with the thrill of what you both deem to be great sex and all else really takes a second seat to getting to know the other person. You may then wonder why, when the initial weeks or months of that great sex starts to wain, what the heck you're doing with this person that you don't fully know outside of the sexual thrills you've been having. I guess what I'm saying is have the sex whenever it suits you to begin with, but don't get stuck in it clouding other areas of the person you should know about in the meantime. How many times have you found yourself saying, "The sex was great but....."??

As far as the question posed by the OP: Why do men not know what they want? Who cares? If they're not what you want, why should it concern you one way or the other? If they come back a second time seeking your attention and you chose not to give it to them for that reason, I wouldn't think it's even worth pondering - you've already made it a done deal they're not going to get that second chance.
 chameleonf
Joined: 12/22/2008
Msg: 26 (view)
 
frankly, ms skawlit..someone might give a damn
Posted: 7/3/2015 11:39:13 AM
I'm not up on the history of your flags but find the debate interesting. How would any of you respond to the stated myths and "facts" contained in this link? http://www.rulen.com/myths/
 chameleonf
Joined: 12/22/2008
Msg: 5 (view)
 
Is this a normal thing to do ?
Posted: 6/30/2015 4:44:15 PM
I see a breakdown of relationships a lot through personal injury. It can definitely test the strongest of relationships and can be disastrous for those already on somewhat shaky ground. Very often there is undiagnosed PTSD (Post Traumatic Stress Disorder) involved or even mild MTBI (Mild Traumatic Brain Injury). It can be difficult for both parties to deal with even if it is diagnosed, on top of the physical injury limitations. Being that this happened to a friend of yours, you can't possibly be privy to their total relationship dynamics experienced behind closed doors 100% from each person's perspective, and more especially if you're only getting your friend's take on their relationship. It's commendable that he would "think" he would stay with her if the roles were reversed but, unfortunately, no one can know the turns the relationship would take unless and until they actually find themselves in that position. Thankfully he has you to lean on.
 chameleonf
Joined: 12/22/2008
Msg: 384 (view)
 
Which state will be the last to legalize gay marriage?
Posted: 6/30/2015 1:10:27 PM
Oh, I see. Gotcha now, Piggy. My son has the same experience with his gay hair stylist. Being that a gay male finds another male attractive and acts on it, is no different than a heterosexual male or female hitting on someone they find attractive. It absolutely happens - in your and my son's case, you would have to convert to make it a possibility. Heterosexuals only have to acquiesce...lol Other than being a constant flirt with the same individuals, such as yourselves, outside of a "gay community/gathering/circle of friends" there's little way to know if someone they're attracted to is gay as well unless they hit on them. Some have the jam and suffer possible consequences and others just may get lucky. ...and non-gays think they have a dating minefield to maneuver!!

I've been hit on by gay women in so called "straight" establishments myself. I guess if you look approachable as an individual, it doesn't matter your orientation. How else do they establish the fact?
 chameleonf
Joined: 12/22/2008
Msg: 381 (view)
 
Which state will be the last to legalize gay marriage?
Posted: 6/30/2015 12:02:15 PM

No. I have one friend in particular who has been relentless in the 2 years I have known him. He doesn't try to *physically* force himself on me, but expresses his desires endlessly. I am not trying to paint of picture of myself as someone who has been victimized, that's not the case here. I am simply letting you know that you're rather naive about the matter.


That would be no different than any heterosexual obnoxious individual (friend) not taking the hint or outright statement that the object of their desires is not interested. It's not something that's a "gay" thing. An obnoxious flirt is an obnoxious flirt. When it happens to be a gay obnoxious flirt, it seems people start to paint with that broad brush thingy.
 chameleonf
Joined: 12/22/2008
Msg: 56 (view)
 
When The Heavy Lifting Has Already Been Done
Posted: 6/30/2015 11:05:17 AM

Lol, kind of warms the heart doesn't it? I'm sure if someone posted a picture of a puppy playing in the grass some would find fault, blame the puppy, smack the puppy for being happy and playing in such a carefree manner.

This story blows the "are all men critical and judgmental at this age" thread out of the water.


No, I don't believe either of those statements are true in this case. We are, or at least I am, going by what this one particular OP is writing. Firstly, he is being judgemental about allllllll the women in his area looking and acting the same. I find that pretty incredible, but that's beside the point (or is it?). He meets up with a woman that he cheated on when they were, admittedly, young. He then proceeds to state that she was initially after another man when they crossed paths but that man wasn't available because he was on a short leash, which infers that if he had more rope she would have considered him, taken or not. Then he states they haven't changed AT ALL over the years.

That you have changed over the years and that many people have changed over the years is a given. That some people's personality traits, good or bad, don't change is also a given - which may or may not be the case with the OP and his blast from the past but, from his own words, it seems that they are the same as they were. If they were young star crossed lovers that were separated by circumstance, this would be one of those made for TV romance movies, but from his own words, I'm thinking not so much. As I said, at least they know who/what they're dealing with...maybe. Could it work?...stranger things happen. Good for them if it does.
 chameleonf
Joined: 12/22/2008
Msg: 48 (view)
 
When The Heavy Lifting Has Already Been Done
Posted: 6/30/2015 9:59:06 AM

That's a life-philosophy I've heard many, many women espouse over the years - "never look/go back" when it comes to earlier relationships. I've only run across a few men who held that view - so it seems to be one of those relatively-consistent gender things. Do others find that as consistent, and have any thoughts on why?


No, I don't find that consistent at all. If you read any of the threads where the theme is "friends with exes", just as many women as men seem to state, "the ex is an ex for a reason" and they have no interest in maintaining or rekindling a friendship, never mind entertaining a romantic relationship.
 chameleonf
Joined: 12/22/2008
Msg: 39 (view)
 
When The Heavy Lifting Has Already Been Done
Posted: 6/30/2015 9:00:41 AM
Yup, it's always so heartwarming when a mouse-faced punk rock princess who's interested in someone on a short leash relationship (that she can't have because of the short leash) and a gay-faced cheater find each other after oodles of life experiences and they "haven't changed". At least you know what to expect from each other.
 chameleonf
Joined: 12/22/2008
Msg: 33 (view)
 
Why are men required to do the work in finding love?
Posted: 6/26/2015 2:17:43 PM
I'd like to know specifically what this "work" is. It would appear to me that it's a two way street in the work department. If you're old school, then the work is a woman getting herself in a position to be noticed and the guy to take the initiative to make the contact once she's noticed - it's a wash. If you're not old school and believe it's just as cool for a woman to make first contact as it is for a guy to, it's a wash once again.

If, on the other hand, for whatever reason, you're the type of individual who doesn't have any luck finding love, or simply dating, I can see where it might feel like work and you may be trying too hard and in a number of wrong ways. It becomes drudgery, not enjoyable, and this is likely more at the heart of these type of posts.
 chameleonf
Joined: 12/22/2008
Msg: 1404 (view)
 
Are 21st century, western women intimidating?
Posted: 6/25/2015 1:52:47 PM

I feel as though he actually may be...in a nostalgic kind of way. ;)


Perhaps you had a typographical error moment and intended the word "narcissistic", rather than "nostalgic". Either way, the shoe seems to fit.
 chameleonf
Joined: 12/22/2008
Msg: 48 (view)
 
When I finally realized I'm an A-hole
Posted: 6/24/2015 1:51:41 PM

But I believe he was recently voted off.


ya...likely voted off due to his most recent rant in the Off Topic section, which only served to prove that he's right about one single thing...he IS an A-hole. Which leads me to stick to my belief that when people have the ability to know they have certain faults, they also have the ability to change those faults even if it means seeking help for it. In the OP's case, he realizes his fault is that of a deliberate A-hole and certainly doesn't lack perseverance proving it time and again. He loves the fact that he gets negative attention because it's better than no attention at all, which is likely the case away from his keyboard.
 chameleonf
Joined: 12/22/2008
Msg: 42 (view)
 
When I finally realized I'm an A-hole
Posted: 6/24/2015 11:50:57 AM

After actually reading the op's post and similarities to dozens of suicide notes over the years, I'm pretty sure why there's been no response. I truly hope I'm way off base.....perhaps he will post again.


You're way off base. He's still busy being his usual self.
 chameleonf
Joined: 12/22/2008
Msg: 7 (view)
 
Facebook friends with ex?
Posted: 6/24/2015 11:00:29 AM
I suppose it all depends on the nature of your non-fb relationship with any particular ex.

I have two exes that I deleted when our relationship ended, but I have no contact with them outside of fb either. On the other hand, I'm still friends with my ex-husband who I've known since I was 13 years old and wish he would join so he could keep in touch with friends and relatives we mutually knew for so many years (he's become rather reclusive) and it would be good for some laughs. It wouldn't cause any problem with my current bf because he's aware of my friendship with my ex-husband and knows there's nothing to fear. Personally, I couldn't be involved with a guy who'd be fearful of a fb friend. If you don't trust me, you're not a fit and would most likely be the one to be unfriended.
 chameleonf
Joined: 12/22/2008
Msg: 34 (view)
 
People Pleasers who finally cracked, how did you handle it?
Posted: 6/23/2015 3:08:43 PM

Thats not been my experience. Sometimes it feels the more you give the more they want the more you get taken advantage of.


I suppose it also takes fully knowing the person you are giving to, whether it's of yourself or materialistically. You can blame the person for constantly taking from you, but when you get the sense you are being used, you can only blame yourself for continuing the cycle by continuing to give when being taken advantage of. In other words, it then isn't so much a case of being a people pleaser but a person who doesn't know when to appropriately say no, likely because they're afraid of the potential confrontation caused by it. If you're giving and resenting, then it's, again, not for the right reasons.
 chameleonf
Joined: 12/22/2008
Msg: 30 (view)
 
People Pleasers who finally cracked, how did you handle it?
Posted: 6/23/2015 12:37:32 PM
There's a difference between being a people pleaser and being magnanimous. People pleasers tend to do and say various things in order to receive something in recognition for whatever they say or do. Truly magnanimous individuals say and do things to make others feel good...the by-product payoff is the pleasure you see in others that makes you feel good, not the pleasure of recognition for what you do or say.

I know some "people pleasers" and, quite frankly, they can become rather annoying with their need to be thanked...over and over again.

I guess the way to stop being a people pleaser who never gets any thanks is to stop doing things for the sole purpose of being thanked and start pleasing people for the right reason - for their pleasure, not your own. When done for the right reasons, the words "thank you" won't even have to come out of their mouths. Their treatment of you will be a reflection of their feelings, knowing you expect nothing in return.
 chameleonf
Joined: 12/22/2008
Msg: 19 (view)
 
When I finally realized I'm an A-hole
Posted: 6/23/2015 11:54:34 AM
I guess this isn't the appropriate time to say "you are what you eat"...
 chameleonf
Joined: 12/22/2008
Msg: 12 (view)
 
Don't like new GF's best friend
Posted: 6/8/2015 12:57:16 PM
I find it interesting that no mention is made of the GF noting the rude and nasty behaviour. If I had a friend who was talking to/about my bf like that, I may or may not say something on the spot, but I'd certainly draw her away, whether to the washroom or whatever, and ask her what her damage was! If the circumstances didn't allow for that, I'd certainly apologize to my bf for the bff behaviour and tell my bf that I would be speaking to her and that I'd get an explanation I would deal with and if there was no dealing with the behaviour, the bff would have to find someone else to fill the position. It doesn't matter if it's friends of the same sex or romantic relationships. There's no excuse for the behaviour, when there's...well...no excuse for the behaviour.
 chameleonf
Joined: 12/22/2008
Msg: 85 (view)
 
Caitlin Jenning
Posted: 6/5/2015 2:51:56 PM

But, I will comment on Jenner...frankly, to me, I detest this persons decisions in life...to have 3 marriages and children, while apparently feeling the way she does about her sexuality and gender is so self-centered and self-absorbed...that is my issue with Jenner...


I'm in the same camp as you, however, I don't see much difference between the self-centered and self-absorbed mentality between Jenner and heterosexual individuals who have 3 marriages and all kinds of kids with no thought to them as they pursue their own sexual gratification. Perhaps if the transgendered weren't made to feel they needed to hide all their lives, they wouldn't have felt the need to misrepresent themselves. If they could live their lives in the open, wouldn't there be more transparency?

And then you have this that demonstrates why certain segments of our population aren't transparent:

There are freaks in the world just like in the animal kingdom and they should be regarded as such deserving respect but not status of normalcy.


Do you even read what you spew? In the same sentence you call them freaks deserving respect but no status of normalcy. Just because you use the word "respect" in the same sentence while calling people freaks, doesn't win you any brownie points to sway anyone to regard your crap as anything other than the crap it is.


if I had to choose i'd agree with camp 1 but only for this reason. while trying to be understanding of this type of transgender life DO NOT push my religious values into the gutter and say MY IDEAS are the abnormal ones which I tend to believe Liberals would like to make.


hmmm...so how does it feel to be called abnormal (some might consider it freakish). Although I don't believe in a sky wizard, that you do has no affect on me, nor does the Jenner's of the world have an affect on either of us.
 chameleonf
Joined: 12/22/2008
Msg: 501 (view)
 
Are 21st century, western women intimidating?
Posted: 6/5/2015 11:19:05 AM

Ultimately, males are born, are driven to seek a female partner who will agree to have his children and help him raise them to independence. The environment has changed, but the process is the same, the methods are the same and thankfully the results are the same.


Apparently women seek male partners as well for the purpose of procreation (biological clocks for instance). Perhaps because the environment has changed the need to stay in a life-time relationship is no longer there and is why there are so many breakups of relationships, married or otherwise. Where there was once an actual need for couples to stay together for survival based on the environment, there no longer is and it may explain why there's a downward trend in long-term relationships. Men and women may have thought exactly of each other before as they do now - but the need for the same type of relationship is no longer required so relationship longevity is reflective of that.
 
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