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 Author Thread: some bishes got wishes
 chameleonf
Joined: 12/22/2008
Msg: 1007 (view)
 
some bishes got wishes
Posted: 9/2/2015 1:27:19 PM

And as far as the asperger's diagnosis being the get-out-of-jail-free card for acting like an scumbag well, it is a poor excuse and makes all the sufferer's of the asperger's community look bad.

You would have to have seen the show to be able to understand and I wasn't referring to the individuals acting like "scumbags". The ones referred to (not all participants) seemed very decent people who would appear to fall into the category in one way or another of Aspergers - including one woman in particular who was matched with one who was equally socially inept and who continued dating each other after the show. Aspergers: "Adults who show a repetitive, limited pattern of activities and behaviors, along with a significant, chronic difficulty engaging socially with other people, are exhibiting symptoms of Asperger's disorder."

The one individual in the show who was doing all the touching and hand on the back guiding, getting up and whispering in her ear that she was beautiful, trying to touch hands, etc., as though he was following some kind of PUA manual was the creepiest on the show - the one who stated he's had 3000 dates. He didn't seem a scumbag either but it did seem a socially inept individual who gave the impression he was playing a role that he had learned from someone or a book of PUA - in other words, even unnatural to him. The woman was nice enough to interact with him but you could see she was only tolerating it until the date was over and then declined another date.


That's the difference between the type of pick up advice that appeals to players that just want to learn a few lines and go up to every woman in the bar and the advice that men who actually want to put effort into changing themselves follow.

I have no doubt the touchy feely one I was referring to wanted to put effort into changing himself but was using PUA advice he got from somewhere, which was off-putting.
 chameleonf
Joined: 12/22/2008
Msg: 996 (view)
 
some bishes got wishes
Posted: 9/2/2015 11:04:52 AM

...You're right that it's good to know when to give people space, but it's also good to know when to make a move. There's nothing worse than a clueless guy that's afraid to make a move and misses the boat. It's equally important to know when to pull the trigger if there's chemistry between two people.


Which reminds me of the show I watched last night "First Dates". It appeared to me that some of them suffered from Aspergers Syndrome to some degree. Those are the individuals who would benefit from being taught about "picking up" a woman, without the "player" attitude. One guy boasted of having been on 3,000 dates and had "scored" about 200 times (in his dreams - he didn't seem "all there" - sounds like some of the posters we've had on here from time to time). For your average individual, by the time you reach adulthood, unless you've lived in a cave most of your life, you ought to know the social graces and be able to interact with women without thinking you're being taught anything by some hokey PUA, who would only appeal to perhaps some women who are extremely naïve or who are playing the player for their own benefit.
 chameleonf
Joined: 12/22/2008
Msg: 26 (view)
 
Dating is not for me
Posted: 9/1/2015 10:32:16 AM
There's nothing the matter with taking a break from dating. It doesn't have to be something that consumes you. Half the time, particularly at your age, it's more peer pressure to have a girlfriend or boyfriend. Don't care what other people expect, do what suits you for now. It's said that the human brain doesn't mature until about 25 and is unfortunate sexual urges which necessitate having a girlfriend or boyfriend don't coincide. Start dating again around 25 when you're all more mature then and pursue different goals until then...if it suits YOU, not everyone else.
 chameleonf
Joined: 12/22/2008
Msg: 18 (view)
 
Europe's Refugee Crisis
Posted: 8/31/2015 1:52:07 PM

There is lots of hate coming from that part of the world.


I'm not saying it is your intent but this could be taken as deflection. There's a lot of hate players in your own part of the world or you wouldn't have as many Trump (race baiter) followers as you do, not to mention racially based mass murders, nor to mention rioting because of racial issues, nor to mention the constant spouting of the 2nd amendment which is based on fear caused and created by all the false hatreds created within and without your own country. You attack other countries or your own citizens and then need to become fearful of the retaliation, feel the need to arm yourselves constantly because of it when you're most often the creator of it. Round and round it goes, ad infinitum.

It reminds me of the Hatfields and McCoys - hating each other with the only reason being that it's viewed as a traitor if you don't hate the flavour of the decade/century, over such long periods of time that the initial reason for the hate has become lost and should have been left as past history, with it initially based on abject stupidity of the initial players. You (citizens, again not necessarily the quoted OP) rarely have a legitimate reason for continuing to hate something or someone because you are sheeple and are easily manipulated, and do not have the capacity or willingness to have a clear understanding of cause and effect either politically or racially. Arrogant stupidity by haters is sickening to watch - no matter what country/race/ethnicity/religion.
 chameleonf
Joined: 12/22/2008
Msg: 69 (view)
 
Are men genuinely 'actively seeking a relationship'?
Posted: 8/31/2015 12:04:12 PM

So your basically saying nothing works. OLD, real life, nothing.


The problem with making such drastic distinctions between OLD and IRL is that the people who try OLD are the very same people IRL. Unless you believe that people who do OLD come from some other planet. I don't imagine people reach dating age and suddenly become OLD only - they have or still meet people IRL on a daily basis. Their expectations of others or what they demand for themselves will be the same either way and is the predictor of their success or otherwise.
 chameleonf
Joined: 12/22/2008
Msg: 15 (view)
 
Europe's Refugee Crisis
Posted: 8/31/2015 11:47:34 AM

Whites must create nations then be pushed out.


No, established nations (largely white) too often invade other nations based on greed disguised as other reasons, claiming to be altruistic, and then cry about the consequences of their actions. Various countries get caught in the crosshairs due to proximity when people flee the strife caused by those actions, and their own lax immigration/refugee laws aren't prepared for it in advance and too slow to tighten up or enforce subsequently. In the western world, particularly the U.S., we tend to reap what we sough but are great at laying blame with everyone else.
 chameleonf
Joined: 12/22/2008
Msg: 24 (view)
 
Did I Deserve This?
Posted: 8/31/2015 11:07:18 AM

I recreated my online profile and starting to look around again.


I'd be more apt to wager the OP wasn't looking to break up that night but that she located his profile in one manner or another that he had here before the night he claims (3-Aug-15 join date and she found it sometime after that - not that very night), and he created this thread in the hopes she'd read it in an attempt to vindicate himself. It's pretty odd circumstances that he would create a profile that led to a friend of hers contacting him, that very night, which led to her sending him awful messages the next day. He has now deleted his profile because everyone is telling him he's a cad and, of course, he wouldn't want her to read that.
 chameleonf
Joined: 12/22/2008
Msg: 43 (view)
 
What's the worst question you've been asked?
Posted: 8/28/2015 12:13:23 PM
@Ladyinred

"Will you marry me?"


baaahahaha...you stole my answer!
 chameleonf
Joined: 12/22/2008
Msg: 34 (view)
 
Business Vs Journalism
Posted: 8/28/2015 9:08:21 AM
I'd keep the intent of the forums the same but get rid of all the old threads and start absolutely fresh. The point of forums is for dialogue and different points of view and perspective. Keep it as is insofar as being allowed to post without pictures, already in a relationship and, obviously, looking for one.

You don't have to have a picture to have a point of view and you don't have to be single to have any answers as to what might be helpful when looking for a relationship; after all, people who are in relationships are successful and might have some useful insight.

So yup, keep it as is but get rid of the reams of old threads and start fresh. It might encourage fresh new faces (if advertised there's a forum) and get back to actual dialogue about topics instead of being like a best friends chat club that causes newbies to shy away.

As for people disappearing with no apparent logical reason why, I doubt very much it's the work of the current owners. It's not their main draw to the site at this point so I can't see them wasting the limited manpower they have on it at this point. They're being bought out despite the forums. The company hasn't been officially sold yet, so I don't see it as new owners having any input as to who is being deleted and why.
 chameleonf
Joined: 12/22/2008
Msg: 953 (view)
 
run, forest, run before you get deleted!
Posted: 8/27/2015 3:46:08 PM
Yes, I'm serious. I think over the number of years I've been here I've been PM'd probably about 10 times being asked to join ranks, most recently probably a couple of months ago by two individuals who had a beef about someone - I can't even remember what the issue was and I don't even have the PMs any longer to refer to the actual date or occurrence. I told them I don't gun for someone and that they usually drift away on their own because people stop entertaining them. Still didn't stop the people from being deleted, so I can only assume that enough sheeple followed suit.
 chameleonf
Joined: 12/22/2008
Msg: 944 (view)
 
run, forest, run before you get deleted!
Posted: 8/27/2015 2:36:41 PM
Yes, it is sad if such is the case. How can you know though if they didn't self-delete unless you message with them off-site? I can't see anything that any one of them may have said that would justify being deleted, even for a short spell.

I'm aware there have been those in the past who would self-delete in an attempt to garner sympathy and supporters in an attempt to have them believe that some "gang" must have been out to get them (another sad thing that people resort to), but I can't see any of the three mentioned resorting to that - they're all mouthy enough to stand up for themselves, right or wrong (subjective).

I have also been PM'd on a number of occasions by different people requesting I join their "gang" to have someone removed, but I don't play those games. How do people handle things in real life when someone pisses them off when they don't agree with them? Probably pretty much the same as here I guess - Email, phone and text whoever they think will listen in any way they can to back stab and black ball their target. People need to think for themselves and not buy into this crap, if that's behind people being removed. Unless there's some actual threat to life and limb, nothing that's being said in these crazy forums is worth booting someone. The easiest way to shut someone down if they're consistently nasty is to ignore any of their posts - who would they then have to tussle with??
 chameleonf
Joined: 12/22/2008
Msg: 934 (view)
 
run, forest, run before you get deleted!
Posted: 8/27/2015 12:45:27 PM

It's like incessant, it doesn't stop. I imagine that I'm drowning upside down while this voice that I hear reading to me is screeching at a high pitch shrill, like fingernails on a chalk board.


Funny how that works for different people about different things. Like what I found annoyed me the most here in the POF forums was/is the incessant, off topic, non-stop banter by some that think they're all "cutsie" - men and women. I imagine children who look like adults running around in a school yard tittering and giggling - alright for children because, well, they are children, but oddly annoying and off putting when adults do it. I learned, however, when I saw/see their names to just skip over them and move on to read those who have the ability to go with a thread, even if it goes slightly off topic and not deliberately derailed, no matter the length or brevity of each post. Different strokes for different folks I guess. It's easier to move on from those who annoy you than it is to complain about them - over and over again - which can, in itself, be like fingernails on a chalkboard.
 chameleonf
Joined: 12/22/2008
Msg: 8 (view)
 
Unsolicited beauty advice ...
Posted: 8/26/2015 1:42:08 PM
I wouldn't worry about it. The vain are more often than not vacuous as well - apparent in this case because to have any natural intelligence (as opposed to "book smart" memorization of topics) a person would understand that providing unsolicited (and unwarranted may I add) advice such as this is just plain stupid, no matter if the intent was to drum up business to get referral fees or not. Sounds like she may have had one too many surgeries and wound up nip tucking a bit of grey matter in the process.
 chameleonf
Joined: 12/22/2008
Msg: 58 (view)
 
Are They Together Now?
Posted: 8/25/2015 11:29:44 AM
So, you had already decided to dump him, you've now dumped her and there should no longer be a problem for either of them (you). The end.

Word of advice, don't ever consider being a private detective or serve on a jury - you'd suck at both.
 chameleonf
Joined: 12/22/2008
Msg: 159 (view)
 
Good enough to sleep with but not good enough to be with
Posted: 8/25/2015 10:11:19 AM

So you can't win with blaming others or yourselves.


Blame doesn't necessarily equate to shame, therefore, I don't see it as a "can't win" situation. If a person has a history of repeating the same pattern of things and expecting a different result, whether that's being drawn to a certain type of individual or believing that sex equals a fairy tale, never-ending relationship, there's no shame, per se, to be associated with it. The blame or onus is on the individual who keeps repeating the process to take stock and figure out the causal relationship and change it.

In the case of the OP, the man/men in the story didn't want to be in a relationship (whatever that means after having experienced living with someone for however long) - she figured it was a relationship and the author attributed it to "easy intimacy". His point seemed to be don't be intimate early on and work on knowing if it's a worthy relationship first. He referred to the man as a "lover" who had moved out, which would generally mean that this wasn't a case of a one night stand that she was easily giving sex up for in the hopes of a relationship. That the same thing played out five separate times over the course of 10 years can only lead one to believe that the blame/ownership/onus is on the individual experiencing the repetition to change their own expectations and/or relationship criteria or to be more perceptive about stated or observed expectations of the other individual involved. Who knows, maybe the woman in the story is a clinging vine, drama queen, that the five men over 10 years could no longer deal with. In any event, to state that "easy intimacy", as indicated by the story teller, is complete speculation on his part with no other information and is being used to highlight his message to not be "easy".
 chameleonf
Joined: 12/22/2008
Msg: 137 (view)
 
Good enough to sleep with but not good enough to be with
Posted: 8/24/2015 3:36:22 PM

So till then its ok for men to deceive her so they can f*ck her?

Wow...that's a leap. The story in the OP is likely just that, a story. There is nothing in it to indicate why men have left her after an average of spending two years with her per relationship. She could have all kinds of her own issues. Her option, if the story were real, might be to not f*ck them (i.e., don't date at all for a time) and be a little introspective about why she feels it's a repetitive problem for her. How can someone's continual problems be everyone else's fault? Highly unlikely. And let's not forget, the writer of the story in the OP is a writer with a particular agenda and the story is likely skewed to suit that agenda.
 chameleonf
Joined: 12/22/2008
Msg: 8 (view)
 
Serial Dating Botton Line!
Posted: 8/24/2015 10:29:58 AM

Generally, serial daters despite what most think tend be women that measure relationships in weeks or months instead of the “traditional” method: years.


Despite what most people think? Who do you think female serial daters are dating - usually their male counterpart. If they're content doing so, they'll continue - until they're not and want to strive for something different, even if that means not being interested in a relationship at all, or a relationship that's "non-traditional".

On the other hand, there are people who will call others serial dates simply because they haven't been chosen as someone the other parties want to have a relationship of longevity with. Should people stick with someone for the sole purpose of not being accused of being a "serial dater"? Is there more pride to be had in one's self for forcing themselves to stay with someone who's not the right fit, or more pride to be had in one's self for knowing that forcing the proverbial square peg in the round whole is an exercise in futility? It doesn't take weeks and months to make the determination, so sure - why wouldn't someone move on to the next date to see if the new individual is the comfortable fit instead of that forced one that some people seem to so proudly speak in terms of "relationships take a lot of work". No they don't - if they're the right fit in the first place.
 chameleonf
Joined: 12/22/2008
Msg: 132 (view)
 
Good enough to sleep with but not good enough to be with
Posted: 8/24/2015 9:35:05 AM

This is a quote from a very wise man who deals with lots of people from all walks of life from billionaires to people who live on the streets.


Not a "very wise man" if he couldn't spot this:


My interpretation.
From the story: A woman with very low self esteem, she is not emotionally healthy, lacks the courage and confidence to find happiness on her own, and in all likely hood she routinely sabotages a relationship as she feels unworthy of being loved.
 chameleonf
Joined: 12/22/2008
Msg: 112 (view)
 
Sarcastic or being Judgmental ??
Posted: 8/13/2015 9:38:05 AM
Deliberately sarcastic?...more like deliberately obtuse
 chameleonf
Joined: 12/22/2008
Msg: 9 (view)
 
Adopting a dog ...
Posted: 8/4/2015 3:32:20 PM
If you're actually wanting to adopt a dog, go out and adopt one of your choosing, both breed and age. Then you'll no longer be in the market to adopt and she can harass another "friend". My guess as to why she won't give up is you're likely a people pleaser, she knows this, so is why she pushes, i.e. "I don't want to hurt my friend's feelings". She's obviously not concerned about your feelings, so it's a wash. Go get you're cute lil fluffy and be done with the matter and don't allow yourself to be talked into things by people who have their own personal agendas.
 chameleonf
Joined: 12/22/2008
Msg: 184 (view)
 
Favorite POF forum posters?
Posted: 8/2/2015 1:21:51 AM
I too liked the larger diversity back in the day. I got a kick out of some of the great reads - not that there aren't some great reads now, just far, far less of them and a regurgitation of chat that has a habit of moving from thread to thread by the same people, which gets a bit boring to scroll through until you hit the meat of the thread again. During the period BDJ refers to, for instance, when you saw one (or multiple) thumbs down from him, you knew fingers were flying and there would be something of substance to read or possibly comment on that "generally" stayed on topic - whether because of the presence of mods or because of the ability of the debaters to stay on track is hard to determine. Chat isn't bad, but too much of it takes away from the point of having thread topics. It would be great, for that reason, to have an instant messaging board when the chat veers too far off topic and it can move to there.

The people here now who are my favourites already know who they are because I've told them at one point or another, either in a thread or when private messaging. Too much smarminess irritates me just as much as too much crudeness. No need to throw stones at least favourites and it's very likely mutual - including the bad habit I have of poking trolls now and again - can't help it - my bad. I really like the posting of the majority of posters in varying degrees. The ratio and variation of like to dislike here would likely be the same as the number of people I would interact with in person on a daily basis. I like to read others' points of views, debate topics, or simply state an opinion without feeling the need to debate it. I often come in with an opinion and rethink it after a differing point of view makes me see through someone else's eyes.
 chameleonf
Joined: 12/22/2008
Msg: 418 (view)
 
So many desperate 40+ women out there...
Posted: 8/2/2015 12:12:51 AM

The answer I guess is, she works out what hes attracted to and what interests him and she uses that. Im not sure but I have a feeling its also something to do with not letting him have what he wants until hes hooked?


There are many variable MOs for different people based on what it is they are looking to attract or even what they "think" works to attract, but actually winds up having the opposite desired effect in the end. I have no doubt there are many women who do, in fact, "not let him have what he wants until he's hooked" if that's what works on the type of guy she is seeking. Conversely, there are probably even more who give away too much in an effort to hook him...and it doesn't necessarily revolve totally around sex (too much time, adoration, money, etc. FAR too soon). Desperate measures by either gender, no matter the age. Some use common sense, some learn from experience and some never do.
 chameleonf
Joined: 12/22/2008
Msg: 8 (view)
 
Will she ever realise you was the one all along
Posted: 8/1/2015 11:27:26 AM
You're nothing more than her feel good time filler between relationships. Some people drink to get over a breakup...she uses you. Stop being used. The power is in your hands, not hers.
 chameleonf
Joined: 12/22/2008
Msg: 370 (view)
 
So many desperate 40+ women out there...
Posted: 8/1/2015 8:31:56 AM
So where's the difference in a woman not wanting to "get with" a man who is 5'6" and a 5'6" man not wanting to get with a woman who is 6'5". It's no different than intelligent 40+ women not wanting to get with a man who thinks he's right all the time but is instead a blithering idiot. It's a preference. The fact that the 5'6" intelligent 40+ woman prefers not to be with a man of the same height or with a blithering idiot only serves to prove she's not desperate. Double standards indeed!
 chameleonf
Joined: 12/22/2008
Msg: 69 (view)
 
Are you a Cyber Bully?
Posted: 7/31/2015 2:03:53 PM

I'm sure if he had changed "late night bull sessions" to "late night hen party" there would have been hell to pay there as well. Bull session, gab fest, hen party and more are used to describe a group of people sitting around and yakking. Depending on your age or where you live, terms for a gathering may be slightly different.


Although I'm not a fan of tallish, I'd have to agree with the above.
 chameleonf
Joined: 12/22/2008
Msg: 58 (view)
 
Are you a Cyber Bully?
Posted: 7/31/2015 10:50:38 AM
Trolling: https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Internet_troll
Bullying: https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Cyberbullying

The interpretations can be a bit subjective, depending on the reader's interpretations.

Can a troll be bullied?

Can a bully be a troll?

In the case of trolls being "bullied" is there harm inflicted and if so, define it.

If an individual enters almost every thread and consistently brings up the same off topic item that eventually derails the thread, whether or not he/she uses kind or unkind wording, is that person considered a troll?

Is that person then subjecting themselves to bullying for being said troll?

Is that same person not subjecting themselves to being self-moderated (banned - bullied, whatever term you wish to subjectively use) by a forum group as a whole who are otherwise unmoderated by the site owners in an attempt to control the troll-like behaviour in order that a number of threads are not disrupted by the same derailing theme on a consistent basis?

For instance, this thread is about cyber bullying. An appropriate place to discuss that topic; however, if a number of non-related threads are interrupted to discuss said bullying/banning/trolling by the same individual, that person is a troll with an agenda unrelated to those other thread topics and is putting themselves in a position to be dealt with by individuals who are so inclined. I see it as something like poking a hornets nest and acting surprised or whining about the fact you get stung.
 chameleonf
Joined: 12/22/2008
Msg: 303 (view)
 
So many desperate 40+ women out there...
Posted: 7/30/2015 11:24:31 AM
OMG...they're two parrots in here now! Quick, net them before a dentist with a bow and arrow tries to take them down!!
 chameleonf
Joined: 12/22/2008
Msg: 293 (view)
 
So many desperate 40+ women out there...
Posted: 7/30/2015 10:29:03 AM
There's a fricking parrot in here!! Someone get a net!
 chameleonf
Joined: 12/22/2008
Msg: 152 (view)
 
Online World Different From Offline
Posted: 7/30/2015 9:43:10 AM
The methods used online as opposed to offline may be different, but the people are the same. You're going to get subterfuge by those who are inherently dishonest or you're going to get transparency by those who are inherently honest, no matter how you meet them. The dishonest will use different tactics for different reasons depending on what the goal is. I wouldn't say those who are online are any different than those who you find offline. The discovery of the dishonest is just more apparent online. Their dishonesty offline just makes them be more ingenious because they don't have the computer to initially hide behind.
 chameleonf
Joined: 12/22/2008
Msg: 30 (view)
 
Cecil the Lion’s Alleged Killer ...
Posted: 7/30/2015 8:17:22 AM
Makes you wonder if he collects all the teeth he's ever pulled as a competition in order to match or beat a number of someone else, such as in this case of collecting: http://factstore.info/collection-made-of-more-than-of-two-million-of-teeth-or-little-hobby-of-giovanni-battista-orsenigo-monk-and-dentist/

I can understand hunting in the wild for food and more particularly when it's licensed to cull the numbers out of necessity in certain areas and when it's done as humanely as possible (not that the meats we put on our tables from the grocery store are obtained in the most humane way), but to kill for the sake of collecting or for one upmanship is so ego driven it's pathetic.
 chameleonf
Joined: 12/22/2008
Msg: 55 (view)
 
It Just Gets Ya Right They're...
Posted: 7/29/2015 3:00:48 PM
Almost makes a person want to get a group together to sponsor BP or one of his ilk for a Genographic Project kit. It would bring a new meaning to one beating one's self up.
 chameleonf
Joined: 12/22/2008
Msg: 320 (view)
 
Donald Trump running for Presidency 2016
Posted: 7/29/2015 1:24:54 PM

Ummm, no... Trump is a party of one... The Trump party...

This is true...but it would have been a great ploy...
 chameleonf
Joined: 12/22/2008
Msg: 318 (view)
 
Donald Trump running for Presidency 2016
Posted: 7/29/2015 12:47:33 PM
Maybe Trump's a closet Democrat. What a brilliant way to sway the vote the other way with no intention of actually becoming president!
 chameleonf
Joined: 12/22/2008
Msg: 281 (view)
 
So many desperate 40+ women out there...
Posted: 7/29/2015 11:13:07 AM
What's with the obsession with women 40+?? Could it be that he thinks it's going to take him that long to find someone who will tolerate him, has little hope of it and is attempting to teach them the error of their ways before it's too late...for him?? Or is it that he's already in his 40s and no one will have him and it's all the women's fault? Nah, simply the garden variety troll attempting to do what trolls do....pfffft....next....
 chameleonf
Joined: 12/22/2008
Msg: 69 (view)
 
6 Degrees of POF messages
Posted: 7/28/2015 3:20:41 PM
I wouldn't call it comical or junior high. With all the ups and downs the site has been encountering and with the speculation that the forums may be discontinued under new ownership, I can understand how people would go out of their way to contact as many people as possible to inform them that such is not the case - at least for now. By calling people helping out others morons, etc., it would likely have been quite refreshing to have had to stick to the temporary URL in order that some of the sour grapes who weren't getting contacted couldn't find their way back in to continue with the usual trolling tripe.
 chameleonf
Joined: 12/22/2008
Msg: 256 (view)
 
So many desperate 40+ women out there...
Posted: 7/28/2015 2:07:54 PM

Sure the OP may have been a bit crude, but isn't it possible he might have a point?


Enlighten us as to what that point may be. Will it be the same but put in "gentler terms". I for one would be interested in how you would couch it for it to be less offensive.
 chameleonf
Joined: 12/22/2008
Msg: 60 (view)
 
6 Degrees of POF messages
Posted: 7/28/2015 1:58:08 PM
furtilizer = gardens = trolls Yippee, back in business!
 chameleonf
Joined: 12/22/2008
Msg: 49 (view)
 
6 Degrees of POF messages
Posted: 7/28/2015 12:18:52 PM
From my end of things, looks like things are back to running like they always have. I just tried and gained entry as I always did before so it appears their "glitch" has been fixed.
 chameleonf
Joined: 12/22/2008
Msg: 22 (view)
 
6 Degrees of POF messages
Posted: 7/28/2015 8:35:27 AM
Woot! I'm in again. Thanks to whom shall remain nameless in case anyone wished I couldn't find my way back...lol
 chameleonf
Joined: 12/22/2008
Msg: 17 (view)
 
I would do anything for love.... but I won't do that!
Posted: 7/24/2015 8:35:53 PM
Simple answer - no.
 chameleonf
Joined: 12/22/2008
Msg: 60 (view)
 
Men happier married vs Women happier single - according to research
Posted: 7/22/2015 12:05:56 PM

I sense a certain level of misandrism here.
I feel for these women, and men, whose backgrounds have left them seared relationally.


There's certainly no misandry on my part. The vast majority of men are great...I just don't want to live with them any more than I'd want a female roommate. I see no real reason to. I look after myself financially, own my own home, do all household/yard chores myself. I am left with time to enjoy the companionship of the same man I have for the past 10 years, which is free of any of those things that both men and women complain about regarding marriage or living together. Having experienced a relationship of 35 years (30 of it living together) and now the past 12 years living on my own, I find the latter to be extremely satisfying and stress-free. Some people have a need for marriage, which isn't wrong at all - for them - but I find that the majority of women my age do desire monogamous relationships but not necessarily those which entail living together. Just because you've lived life a certain way which conformed to society's standards doesn't mean your entire life has to follow the same pattern. Women aren't as eager to marry as they were years ago because there isn't the associated societal shaming there once was, nor is there a need due to financial reasons. Pretty sad that people partner for those reasons.


I think it's because most middle-aged men grew up in the 1950's with mothers who did all of the cooking, cleaning, childcare and housework. This conservative belief is seared in men's minds as HOW THINGS SHOULD BE.


I believe LH is right there, whether it's 1950s or prior as VK states. Being married for some men is like being mothered and that's what they seek and/or expect - it's their comfort zone. If that's what they want, there's nothing the matter with it but it may get more difficult to find a woman willing to fill that type of role. Women may reach a certain age where, having experienced long-term marriages or even a series of them, want something different out of life when the opportunity presents itself. Whatever it is you seek has no bearing on my life and vice versa. I don't see this as cause to bash the other gender - it's just a dynamic that has evolved because life choices have evolved.
 chameleonf
Joined: 12/22/2008
Msg: 53 (view)
 
Men happier married vs Women happier single - according to research
Posted: 7/22/2015 8:43:05 AM

I'm assuming most dating couples would spend time at each others place during courtship. If a woman goes to a guy's place, and he has his dirty underwear hanging on lampshades, wet clothes hanging on the blades of the ceiling fan, his other clothes all over the floor, two inches of dust on the furniture, and the woman is Miss Prim and Proper with everything put away in it's proper place and spotless, why would she agree to any co-habitation situation? Does the woman think that after saying "I do" at the altar or moving in together, the slob of a guy will suddenly put on a French maid's outfit, and spend all day, everyday cleaning and cooking?


It's seems to be a strange dynamic that takes place before, during and after co-habitation. Many (the majority) of men are perfectly capable of cleaning up after themselves when living by themselves but for some strange reason a 1950s mentality takes over when living with a woman. I don't know whether to place the blame on the men, the women or both, however, this seems to be a HUGE piece of the groundwork that lays the foundation for the beginning of the end, at least form so many women's perspective.

For instance, my ex started out always helping with housework. Every weekend we'd race around on Saturday mornings getting the bigger household chores done and then have the rest of the weekend to spend doing whatever we wanted, whether it was together or occasional pursuits without being in each other's hip pocket. It was great. Not long after, however, it slid to where it somehow became my responsibility to do all those things. Fast forward to post-divorce and he has to do everything with no help at all and it seems like a huge burden to him while I continue to do what I always did but without the contributory cleanup after him. Yup, I'm happier living in a single household while in a relationship with someone else. There's nothing to fight about. No division of responsibilities, no financial squabbles, neither person lamenting about what the other "should" be doing. The relationship is focused on the individual and not all the other "stuff" that seems to get in the way when living together daily.
 chameleonf
Joined: 12/22/2008
Msg: 4 (view)
 
Men happier married vs Women happier single - according to research
Posted: 7/21/2015 3:37:30 PM
I think the responses may differ based on age ranges. In my age range I believe more men would be happier to marry than women and more women happier to be in a well rounded relationship.
 chameleonf
Joined: 12/22/2008
Msg: 191 (view)
 
So many desperate 40+ women out there...
Posted: 7/21/2015 8:47:33 AM

I want to be the one to pay all the bills with her money this time


This may or may not have been said tongue in cheek but one has to wonder of those who say it in all seriousness why they allowed it in the first place and then whine about it afterward.
 chameleonf
Joined: 12/22/2008
Msg: 172 (view)
 
So many desperate 40+ women out there...
Posted: 7/20/2015 10:11:54 PM
...and yet you'd think by so many men's responses that their great wealth is being plundered...pfft...half of median income is exactly what? Certainly not wealth.
 chameleonf
Joined: 12/22/2008
Msg: 170 (view)
 
So many desperate 40+ women out there...
Posted: 7/20/2015 10:05:47 PM
The forums are full of the rich and famous?? Who knew!
 chameleonf
Joined: 12/22/2008
Msg: 18 (view)
 
Kicked out boyfriend but I want him back...
Posted: 7/16/2015 3:36:51 PM
What I find most interesting is that he had been toking for months and you didn't know about it. The use itself, therefore, wasn't creating a problem with the relationship and you were happy with him to the point you had him move in with you and things were just fine, according to you, until two weeks ago. The biggest problem you seem to have with him was that he lied to you about it and likely the biggest problem he has with you is that you want to control him, probably in more ways than one or you wouldn't have found information that he was b!tching about you to his friends. The way you found out about it was by snooping. If I were you, I'd resign yourself to not being a match for each other. You can't trust him not to toke and, if I were him, I couldn't trust you to not to dig into his personal electronic devices when you aren't given permission to.

Personally, I know chronic users and recreational users, both young and old. Chronic users bother me a bit in that they feel the need to constantly ride a high and it takes more toking to achieve it. There's usually an underlying reason for it, just as there is for someone who's a constant user of alcohol - and by chronic pot use, I mean at least hourly all day long. Recreational users don't bother me any more than people going out for a drink or two and they go weeks and months in between using.

If this was an strong issue for you to begin with, it will always be a strong issue for you. If he can't leave it alone to appease you, he's either a chronic user and has been hiding it from you every time he's out of your sight or he's recreational and is feeling like he can't enjoy himself with his friends and family as he always has before he met you. If your convictions against it are as strong as you proclaim, stick to them and find someone else.
 chameleonf
Joined: 12/22/2008
Msg: 182 (view)
 
What Does it really mean when a woman uses the word financially secure in her post
Posted: 7/9/2015 8:25:36 AM

Financially secure = back off hobos!!


lol...or or or...maybe it means: Financially secure = I'm having a hard time getting responses so maybe if I add that I have money, some hobo WILL send me a message

Don't know, don't care why anyone else puts what they put in their profiles. If it's that much concern to anyone, go to them and ask them direct if it means that much to you.
 chameleonf
Joined: 12/22/2008
Msg: 37 (view)
 
Is a relationship 50-50? Financially speaking?
Posted: 7/8/2015 2:04:57 PM

All equality, feminism bullshit aside. Some men seem to forget that women need to feel security in a relationship, be it safety or financial with a man.


I wouldn't call it feminism in this day and age but I would call it, if not equality (based on each individual's earning, saving, spending capacity or habits), fair play. I don't get the "safety" part. I don't live with a man and feel just as safe with as without.

As far as women needing to feel security in a relationship, that depends on age more than anything. If young and looking to have a family or blend one and all the financial wrangling that goes with it, sure, I can see where a woman and man may want to have one of them stay home or need to work in some capacity to supplement an income and, based on that, feel that their partner is financially responsible and saves and spends accordingly. For individuals outside of that scenario and/or my age bracket, not so much. If you can't be financially secure in your own right without depending on someone else to bankroll you and that's your main criteria for dating or eventually living together, no thanks.

vvvv ...lol...Why does the debate always seem to come back to living in caves, hunting, and wearing loin cloths, etc. If you can find a man in North America that lives in that manner, go ahead and nurture the hell out of him. It's not life as we know it today as a general rule. As we've evolved, so have needs and expectations - well for some of us anyway I guess.
 chameleonf
Joined: 12/22/2008
Msg: 24 (view)
 
Is a relationship 50-50? Financially speaking?
Posted: 7/8/2015 12:07:16 PM

Also, try living on a woman's wages that you are dating. Perhaps you are dating beneath you and out of your league.

This begs the question of how does the woman manage to get by when not dating if her financial means are much less than the men she is dating? Is she dating to improve her savings and/or experience things she wouldn't normally be able to on her own...or is she dating because she wants to share her life with someone permanently, at which time finances would intermingle to some degree? I have a feeling more relationships wind up being based on ulterior financial considerations by both genders than many people would even care to admit to themselves, which becomes even more readily apparent when the newfound sexual highs start to diminish. If the sex diminishes, he feels cheated and resentful and starts feeling used and she feels cheated if monetary items are withheld because of it...and round and round it goes in relationships based on this form of score keeping.
 
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