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 Author Thread: mostly baffled.
 0wiseone
Joined: 12/23/2008
Msg: 8 (view)
 
mostly baffled.
Posted: 3/11/2010 5:11:53 PM

Im not even going to comment on my sexual performance cause honestly that is none of your buisiness.
The point was, that if the sex was the best she'd ever had or at least good for her, she would have been back for more without any games in between. She's playing games because there's nothing else to upon which to build a relationship.
 0wiseone
Joined: 12/23/2008
Msg: 22 (view)
 
Have I overeacted????????????
Posted: 2/8/2010 6:39:27 PM

I started being really scarred and just wanted to end the relationship but at the meantime i was scarred of upsetting him in case he hurt me.
Listen to your instincts. They scream at you for a reason.
I have stopped seing him
Good for you. Stay strong and know that we are proud of you for making a wise and intelligent decision.
 0wiseone
Joined: 12/23/2008
Msg: 21 (view)
 
Could use some translation help!
Posted: 2/7/2010 2:54:46 PM

she is using you. And you are not pushing hard enough
Please kindly disregard this advice. Maybe she did rush out of the car because she didn't want to linger and send you the message that it was okay for you to kiss her. You should respect that. Maybe next time you can keep to your side of the car and let her know that you're not pushing for anything physical. Let her be the one that lets you know she's ready for something more.
 0wiseone
Joined: 12/23/2008
Msg: 12 (view)
 
Rushing too fast
Posted: 2/1/2010 6:23:27 PM

He is being controlling and being a real try hard.
Because that is who he is.
He told me he has never been this way with any woman before
He's lying and saying that so you won't end the relationship.
and that others he has dated have usually been this way towards him and that he ran a mile!
He's manipulating you by saying he understands how you feel and your feelings are normal. He'd do the same thing. It's to relax you and make you think he understands and you're the exception to his rules.
I am very put off by him, but he seems like a nice bloke. He keeps telling me he will back off.
Listen to your instincts. The relationship is new. This is the good part. It will only get worse and your relationship intensifies. I agree with the rest... Run and run fast!
 0wiseone
Joined: 12/23/2008
Msg: 6 (view)
 
When do you establish that it isn't exclusive yet?
Posted: 1/31/2010 3:48:13 PM

I am sure some people out there disagree and think dating is all fine and good but you should only be dating one person at a time.
Well, there you go then. There is your distinction. Dating only one person is an exclusive relationship with a mutual understanding that it will lead to something permanent and long term. That is not dating in the truest form of the word.
But where is that line for leading people on?
Oh, stop your nonsense. You know exactly where that line is and that the line will be as different as the women you date. If you're dating a woman and she thinks you're only dating her and you don't correct her, you've crossed the line. If the subject never comes up or she's dating multiple people then you're both on the same side of the line. There's no crossing over. You have nothing to worry about. You're just trolling for attention now...
 0wiseone
Joined: 12/23/2008
Msg: 6 (view)
 
Female etiquette in a social setting
Posted: 1/31/2010 12:33:22 PM

How can a woman get dolled up and go out and expect not to be approached??
How can a man be so clueless and tasteless? Show some class.
 0wiseone
Joined: 12/23/2008
Msg: 2 (view)
 
Female etiquette in a social setting
Posted: 1/31/2010 12:11:58 PM

I have a question for you. Is there a certain woman code that says you have to act stuck up to men when your with your gfs at a bar/club?
One wonders why so many men assume that when a woman is out in public she automatically wants to be approached. Maybe your friend should consider finding out if the woman would be receptive to him before zeroing in on something that can be immediately rejected. Just a thought...
 0wiseone
Joined: 12/23/2008
Msg: 6 (view)
 
Guy friend got a girlfriend, now I'm worried I'll get ditched.
Posted: 1/31/2010 12:01:33 PM

We all work together, and she was very receptive and welcoming to me. Does that change anything?
No. It means she's on her best behavior too. She wants to meet his friends, wants his friends to like her and wants everyone to get along. But don't rush it. Let it evolve naturally. Let her know you like her, that you will be receptive should she contact you if she wants. If she initiates friendship, then you respond. It's just like any normal social situation. The only difference is your guy friend is caught in the middle. The last thing you want is a situation where he has to choose between you two if something goes wrong. That is the only part you can control. The rest will be whatever it will be...
 0wiseone
Joined: 12/23/2008
Msg: 3 (view)
 
When do you establish that it isn't exclusive yet?
Posted: 1/31/2010 11:48:17 AM

What I am really looking for is to see whether or not my views on the explicitness of 'non-exclusive' is relatively normal or unique.
No, this is not unique. It's the way dating is supposed to go. However, if you're leading someone on to believe you are exclusive even if you're not having sex, that is wrong. If you're dating for the potential outcome of sex and then not being exclusive once the sex starts, that is wrong. In the meantime, date... have fun... make lots of new friends... but always be nice.
 0wiseone
Joined: 12/23/2008
Msg: 4 (view)
 
Guy friend got a girlfriend, now I'm worried I'll get ditched.
Posted: 1/31/2010 11:41:09 AM

So rather than rock the boat for that couple, I keep my distance. It's too bad that insecure people ruin it sometimes for the rest of us
I disagree. I think this is a sign of respect. This shows you respect your friend, your friend's choices, and your friend's relationship. It also shows respect for the new friend. It shows that you're waiting to be invited into the new friendship rather than forcing your way. It shows class. Believe it or not, this is a social norm.

Some people think that knowing the friend longer automatically gives access to the new friend and the new relationship and is in very poor taste. The biggest way to alienate and turn off a new friend is to be forceful and overbearing. Let the new relationship and new friendship all evolve normally over time like it's supposed to. The good karma will come back to you.
 0wiseone
Joined: 12/23/2008
Msg: 14 (view)
 
what does it mean when he says.......
Posted: 1/20/2010 9:09:42 PM
The sex sucked?
 0wiseone
Joined: 12/23/2008
Msg: 3 (view)
 
Whats with this ladies?
Posted: 12/27/2009 3:07:39 PM

What is up with women who give out their number and ask you to text them right off the bat?
Seems very typical of the younger generation. It appears this is the trend. People seem not to like e-mail anymore and text only. My kids won't even leave voice mail messages; it's text or no communication at all. Personally, I think it's the lazy way to communicate and does not encourage a good foundation for a relationship, regardless of the relationship type. One wonders if people will mature and evolve back to a more sophisticated lifestyle or just let society continue to digress. Heavy sigh...
 0wiseone
Joined: 12/23/2008
Msg: 3 (view)
 
Can't handle a relationship...advice needed
Posted: 12/14/2009 6:07:16 PM

he flipped out and got mad about it,
This was the stress talking.
so I apologized and tried to call him, to see why he was so angry, he didn't answer but texted back and said he would text me, but he didn't want to talk.
This is why it sounds like you're messing with his head. You should have just left him alone and respected his time to study.
Then out of nowhere tells me that "we can be good friends, but he doesn't think he can handle a relationship right now"
You forced a confrontation with him. You should have remembered this from being a kid; When you force someone to give you an answer before they're ready, expect an an answer you're not going to like.
I basically told him that I felt like I got blindsided
So now it's all about you. What happened to being
which I was good about, and understanding.

Second after that conversation the whole attitude of our texts completely changed,
He's feeling guilty for flipping out and overreacting.
so I stopped initiating texting him thinking that's what he wanted.
Good for you. You did the right thing.
Ideally, I'd love to be in a relationship with him,
Timing is everything. When the time is right for him, he'll let you know. If the time is not right for you when it's right for him, then it won't work out. Back off, relax, date other guys and just see what happens. Do not force a relationship before the time is right.
 0wiseone
Joined: 12/23/2008
Msg: 2 (view)
 
Acceptable driving situation?
Posted: 12/2/2009 5:35:45 PM

There's gotta be a better way to do this! Help me out guys and girls.
Simple. Just don't do it on a first date. Feeling comfortable takes time. Rushing means you're not relaxed enough to just let the relationship develop naturally. Make your suggestion assuming you will take two cars. Let her be the one to suggest one car. Then you will know for sure that she is comfortable.
 0wiseone
Joined: 12/23/2008
Msg: 12 (view)
 
Another broken, probably shattered heart.
Posted: 12/2/2009 5:28:01 PM

He works as an unarmed security guard for the convention center here. He right now lives in the cheapest apartment he can find because he can't afford much else. I keep fearing that I will eventually end up like him, and I just don't want to go down that road.
And how will a woman change this for you? Is she supposed to be a doctor, too and support you in a more comfortable lifestyle? Stop your self pity and focus on your future. The women will come only when the time is right.
I used to be the typical "nice guy turned cynical, studious and stable, focused on work
Cynical is negative and a turn off. Stay positive even when you're not feeling it. Above all keep your sense of humor. Women will find that more attactive than just about anything else you have to offer. The looks, charm, money and career are all just bonuses.
 0wiseone
Joined: 12/23/2008
Msg: 3 (view)
 
Start off as the new partner, then become their parent
Posted: 11/18/2009 3:56:35 PM

No secret I have the extroverted Type A personality combined with hyperactive adult ADD
Some people like the passion of Type A personalities, but eventually the passion dies and becomes confrontational. Like everything else in life, we look for balance in our relationships, too.
 0wiseone
Joined: 12/23/2008
Msg: 2 (view)
 
2nd chance... yes or no
Posted: 11/18/2009 3:44:05 PM

I know people dont change over night but Iam hoping this time away has allowed him to really think about what he had with me in life
Unfortunately, people do not change. They grow up, they mature, but deep down they do not change. Early in your relationship is the good part. The longer you're together, the more comfortable you are together and your true personalities emerge. Maybe next time it won't be rent money ... maybe you'll be in labor when he chooses to not come home ... or it'll be your child's milk money that he's spending ...
I have been seeing other people and gaining my own sense of indepedance
Good for you!
this small part of me says No
Good for you. Listen to your instincts. They talk to you and sometimes scream at you for a reason.
I dont want him to think he can just come back into my life again and act like everything is fine.
He is setting the pattern. He needs you because you area the responsible one. If you don't force him to pay rent, he will have no place to live. He is setting you up to take care of him and to bail him out when he spends his money on things he can't afford. When you have children with someone like him, he will just be one more child for you to take care of. Some women like to be needed this way. Most of us look for partners, men who will help balance our life and make our lives easier ... not harder.
 0wiseone
Joined: 12/23/2008
Msg: 6 (view)
 
Woooing a woman
Posted: 11/12/2009 5:23:18 PM

What little things do women like that men tend to overlook?
Chocolate.
 0wiseone
Joined: 12/23/2008
Msg: 4 (view)
 
Six Veterans Died Every Day In 2008 Because They Were Uninsured
Posted: 11/11/2009 10:08:25 PM

Wouldn't it be nice if we could get these people some help?
What are you talking about? Veterans automatically qualify for free or low cost health benefits. All they have to do is enroll. Are you asking us to do their paperwork for them?

http://www4.va.gov/healtheligibility/

http://www4.va.gov/healtheligibility/Library/tools/Quick_Eligibility_Check/index.asp
 0wiseone
Joined: 12/23/2008
Msg: 15 (view)
 
Was He Too Blunt?
Posted: 11/11/2009 7:53:58 AM

Is that disrespectful telling someone you've never met in person that? Or did just get too comfortable? Lol. I don't think he's truly understanding that I'm serious about remaining celibate.
He sees you as a challenge and wants to be the exception to your rule. In his mind that will boost his ego and make him feel special. But chances are he'll dump you right after having sex with you, too. He just likes knowing he can manipulate someone. Good for you for seeing through him. We are proud of you...
 0wiseone
Joined: 12/23/2008
Msg: 12 (view)
 
why is he leading me on?
Posted: 11/11/2009 7:46:02 AM

However, he is now seeking me out more and initiating more and more personal contact.
When he turns the conversation personal, mention something you did with a male friend (even if you have to make something up) and then ask about his wife and tell him you hope she is doing well.
 0wiseone
Joined: 12/23/2008
Msg: 4 (view)
 
Is being upfront about what I want wrong?
Posted: 11/11/2009 7:40:13 AM

but it as what it is(this is me)we all have fualts but should I be upfront with them? thanks for the insite.
You are correct. We all have faults. Try looking for flexibility in a relationship. Just as you are who you are, we are who we are. To sound judgemental because you disagree or do not approve of something or someone, is not nice. We still deserve respect. Every relationship has deal breakers. There's nothing wrong with being up front about what they are, but show some tact and class as you discuss them.
 0wiseone
Joined: 12/23/2008
Msg: 4 (view)
 
when a new guy you've met tells you he needs space to think
Posted: 10/24/2009 6:10:38 AM

told his daughter my name
How old is the daughter? You were moving way too fast. Consider maybe his daughter is happy for him to be dating and having some fun, but not if it's going to change her life.
I know he is under alot of stress / pressure watching his bank account dwindle
Wow...This is the pity play. He's going to drag you down with him on this one. I encourage you to strongly run fast from this. Be careful of men who share with you their financial status, thinking you're only interested in their money. When you deny that you're interested in only money so the guy won't think of you as a gold digger, then they'll ask you to prove it. You'll end up paying for dates, giving him money, sharing your financial picture back... it will get ugly. You're old enough to know better on this one.
I noticed he changed his profile pic. yet still sends me a message here and there that he misses me, and cant wait to seee me
You're kidding right? If he's updating his profile, he's still checking out what's out there. Once he has your sympathy, he'll try to get others, too. Then he'll have three or four women all supporting him. Nice gig for him...
 0wiseone
Joined: 12/23/2008
Msg: 4 (view)
 
Signs of Endearment
Posted: 10/23/2009 8:00:34 PM

He acts like a gentelmen. and hopes you are a lady
I agree. What I have noticed is there is never pressure to have sex. He is just interested in getting to know you, talking to you, and spending time with you. But never any pressure. When you find this, hold on to it. He will usually make your life much easier with him in it.
 0wiseone
Joined: 12/23/2008
Msg: 20 (view)
 
I'm not a nice guy.
Posted: 10/22/2009 11:29:39 PM

Yes, I'm nice to her because I'm interested in her.
So when you're no longer interested you'll be mean? Don't sell women short. We know when guys are really nice and when they're faking it to get our attention. As we get older, we appreciate honesty, true character, and compatibility more than the image or the fairy tale that we set ourselves up to believe we're living. When you're young you can live those moments. Sometimes you have to in order to fully appreciate a good solid relationship when the time is right. Eventually, one's true colors will come out. Sometimes people hide their dark sides for years, but it's never forever. That is just one reason why relationships do not last for the long term. But if you're not in the relationship for the long term, what does it matter? Enjoy your time together while it lasts.
 0wiseone
Joined: 12/23/2008
Msg: 4 (view)
 
What do i take of this?
Posted: 10/22/2009 11:14:15 PM

I dont know how to view this cuz usually i wont meet up with a girl again like 2 months after the initial meet if met online in the first place
Timing is everything sometimes. The time for you to be friends wasn't two months ago, but maybe it is now? Relax and have fun. But always be nice.
 0wiseone
Joined: 12/23/2008
Msg: 4 (view)
 
Girl makes contact, we chat, then she disappears..
Posted: 10/21/2009 5:39:10 PM

the conversation flowed well and in both directions, all going well so far.
Consider maybe it wasn't going as well as you thought.
 0wiseone
Joined: 12/23/2008
Msg: 14 (view)
 
What gives with the whole where are we now and where are we going with this
Posted: 10/21/2009 4:38:42 PM

It's not sexist if science backs it up...which it does.
Cite your source, please.
 0wiseone
Joined: 12/23/2008
Msg: 2 (view)
 
How do you nurture the spark and the flame?
Posted: 10/16/2009 3:55:03 PM

What does it take to really stoke that fire and be the love of someones' life?
An emotional connection. Your sparks and flames are very typical of men who are focused on the physical attraction. Women are more focused on the emotional connection we make with men. Men who are open to an emotional connection are typically more successful with women because we will feel your connection to us on a much deeper level. We can tell when you're really into us or when you're just dating us for a good time but nothing long term. So we will hold back as well waiting for the day when the flame fizzles and we both move on.
 0wiseone
Joined: 12/23/2008
Msg: 22 (view)
 
Dating a 27 yo girl for several months but she won't have sex
Posted: 10/11/2009 9:10:24 PM

but it is tough when I walk away with blue balls everytime
Stop doing things that give you blue balls. Take her out. Talk to her. Take her home. Kiss her good night. Call her in the morning. Are you so limited in the activities that you can do together that you have no relationship outside of sex? Stop putting pressure on her to have sex. If you must pressure someone to get your way, then you are the selfish one. Show some respect.
 0wiseone
Joined: 12/23/2008
Msg: 7 (view)
 
Am I being Paranoid
Posted: 10/11/2009 8:15:47 PM

Am I being paranoid and passing up a good guy OR am I being stalked
Listen to your instincts. They're screaming at you for a reason.
 0wiseone
Joined: 12/23/2008
Msg: 9 (view)
 
why do women give out there number but then dont answer
Posted: 10/11/2009 10:24:36 AM

why on gods earth do women give out there phone number after they have had a lenghty conversation with you, for you too phone or txt just have your calls ignored or txts un-answered
Why on God's Earth do people not know the difference between their, there and they're? Or to, too and two? Really, how hard is this? Consider your lengthy conversation was not as intellectually stimulating as you thought.
 0wiseone
Joined: 12/23/2008
Msg: 8 (view)
 
Ever feel like or been a starter significant other?
Posted: 10/11/2009 12:05:00 AM

being married with children represents a higher level of commitment.
And a higher level of respect. To more than your partner but the children as well. So you think the other person will learn respect through therapy? Maybe. But think about the message you're sending the children. If the other person wants to come back and parent his or her children, then why does that automatically mean they can come back and have a spousal relationship, too? Do you really trust that in a few months or a few years when true feelings once again emerge or the other person meets someone new that you and the children won't find yourselves in this same situation? And back in therapy ... Only you can decide if that is the life you want your children to live.
 0wiseone
Joined: 12/23/2008
Msg: 5 (view)
 
Ever feel like or been a starter significant other?
Posted: 10/10/2009 5:57:57 PM

One day they decide to end the relationship with no real explaination.
People will constantly come and go in our lives and we should always be civil and respectful to others regardless of their behavior toward us. Fortunately, we have the luxury of ignoring rude and disrespectful people and setting the example of what true class should be. Never lower yourself or your standards and confirm that unacceptable behavior is acceptable.
 0wiseone
Joined: 12/23/2008
Msg: 2 (view)
 
How to rekindle an old flame
Posted: 10/10/2009 5:07:34 PM

How can I go about getting back with my soulmate?
The first thing you do is stop thinking of her as your soul mate. You are building a fantasy in your mind that reality will not live up to. Both of you will be disappointed. Why don't you just invite her out? Send her a message on facebook if that's what you're comfortable doing, but just ask her on a date. Be very concrete. Ask her out for a very specific activity, at a very specific place on a very specific day. If she's interested she will accept or reschedule if she's busy. If she does not accept your invitation, then you need let her go and fondly remember your past juvenile crushes for what they are... Juvenile and in the past.
 0wiseone
Joined: 12/23/2008
Msg: 2 (view)
 
Just a question
Posted: 10/10/2009 4:57:20 PM
She either feels rejected because you weren't eager to explore a relationship with her or she met someone else. Timing is everything sometimes.
 0wiseone
Joined: 12/23/2008
Msg: 10 (view)
 
am i an option for him?
Posted: 10/7/2009 9:10:11 PM

is separated and upon filing for D his ex started making more demands.
Well, this is the good part. Most people try to avoid drama in relationships and consider it unfair for a separated person to invite someone new into their life with the inability to focus on developing a new relationship. You will be good for him because you will be his transitional person. If you see it to fruition, you will probably help him go to his next relationship a happy, healthy individual. If your main concern is for him, then you will be able to move on knowing you served your purpose for this time you were together. Who though is going to be concerned about you? Who will be there for you when he moves on and you're left behind? Consider keeping your options open, too.
 0wiseone
Joined: 12/23/2008
Msg: 10 (view)
 
Why does she say 2 different things
Posted: 10/6/2009 6:31:32 PM

I am not in love with my ex and never will be again. BUT, I do love him

I wish i understood the difference
Do you have a sibling? Think of it like a brother and a sister. You would not be in love to the point you want to marry or have children with your sibling. But you care about that person, want them happy, healthy ... Get it?
 0wiseone
Joined: 12/23/2008
Msg: 4 (view)
 
Should I give this woman a second chance?
Posted: 10/4/2009 4:37:24 PM

Is it right for me to be angry about this after we had discussed going out for 3 days prior to this phantom phone call from a son who just wanted to come over and visit? Does this lady have issues of not being able to tell her sons no? She obviously puts them ahead of any dates.
Angry? No. Disappointed, yes. I would probably have canceled, too. My children need me so little and see me so little lately that if they asked to see me and I was double booked, then I would probably cancel too. It's not an issue of not being able to tell your son no, but scheduling a time that works. Just like you're so busy working she has to fit you in when you're available. If she were so important to you, maybe you could work one day less, or one-half day less and give her a choice between Sunday and another day during the week. It sounds to me like your work is more important to you than her child should be to her. One thing you might want to consider being sensitive to is that even though our children are grown, they are still our children and they still come first. They are and always have been the most special people in our lives. Unless they are doing something illegal or hurtful, they will always have my support. I would hope that if your mother called and needed to see you that you would also rearrange your schedule for her.
 0wiseone
Joined: 12/23/2008
Msg: 7 (view)
 
breaking dates?
Posted: 10/4/2009 3:54:54 PM

Am I expecting too much too soon or is he jerking me around?
Demanding respect in a relationship is never too much too soon. It's a deal breaker. Remember, the early stages of dating sets the tone of what's to come in the future. This is the good part. As you get deeper into the relationship partners tend to relax, show their true colors, and hopefully take advantage of each other in helpful, supportive ways. When you are being mistreated early in a relationship and stay in that relationship, then you shouldn't be shocked when the relationship goes from unhealthy to unhealthier. Very few relationships are lucky enough to go from healthy to healthier. Those are the ones that last and take effort from both partners to grow. You, my dear, are in an unhealthy relationship. Remind your partner that your decisions are based on his decisions. When he decides to make a date and then break it, you decide to terminate relationships. It's really that simple.
 0wiseone
Joined: 12/23/2008
Msg: 7 (view)
 
She won't talk to me again if I do it
Posted: 9/28/2009 5:32:57 PM

How can I tell her its just not that easy to stop like this?
You can't. And more importantly... you don't. She is looking for a man. A man who will suck it up, fight through the tough stuff and be stronger than all the outside forces that surround the both of you individually and together. Will you be that man? Or will you be the little boy who wants someone like his mother who will give him unconditional love, wear blinders and make excuses for all the poor choices he makes and never has to suffer the consequences of those poor choices. Remember, we will make decisions based on your decisions. Make a choice. Know you can't have it both ways.
 0wiseone
Joined: 12/23/2008
Msg: 2 (view)
 
What the hell??? Ladies im stupid!
Posted: 9/1/2009 6:28:30 PM

exactly at what point should i say hi,
There is never a wrong time for this. Always say, "Hi!" Her response will be your key to move forward or back off. If she smiles at you, turns toward you, gives you her full attention, then introduce yourself. If she smiles, looks away, barely responds, then back off.
 0wiseone
Joined: 12/23/2008
Msg: 24 (view)
 
Does being nice & complementing women work anymore?
Posted: 9/1/2009 5:33:33 PM

Define attraction? So when a man possesses a certain characteristic that appeals to your emotional interests your vagina will magnetically pull itself towards his penis?
Well, I will tell you this is definitely not attractive. It's tasteless, classless and reinforces why women do not respond. You are definitely selling the women here short if you don't think we can read between your lines and know if we're chatting with a real gentleman.

What if civilization destroyed itself and you had to mate with a man your not attracted too for the survival of our species? Are you going to let your emotions get in the way of logic?
Lucky for me civilization has not destroyed itself. Rest assured though...I would eagerly let civilization die if my only choice of saving it was perpetuating a vicious, ugly cycle.

I encourage you to look deeper than just assuming we are emotional creatures that do not also look for intelligence, respect and support in our relationships. Men who can articulate their feelings with class, style and humor are far more successful than boys who think women are a means to their sexual end. The sex is the icing on the cake. But to get there you first have to bake the cake... Slowly, carefully, and with love. Then the sex will come and be mutually satisfying for both partners.
 0wiseone
Joined: 12/23/2008
Msg: 6 (view)
 
Does being nice & complementing women work anymore?
Posted: 8/31/2009 5:48:48 PM
I don't think you need to speak for other men. Do a thread search and you will see other men are already here posting the same tiresome question. I will share with you that the only reason women are not responding to you is because you are contacting women who are not attracted to you. We do like nice, charming, gentlemen. However, if compliments appear insincere or come from someone we are not attracted to then they are annoying. While I can't speak for all women, I will tell you that smoking, even occassionally, and tatoos are turnoffs to me. I would probably not respond to you either. Unless you said something really funny, friendly and light-hearted ... but then I would only tell you that I thought you were a nice, funny guy and wish you luck in your search.
 0wiseone
Joined: 12/23/2008
Msg: 6 (view)
 
Should I let my son's dad see him?
Posted: 8/30/2009 8:07:08 PM

Have you ever had to wonder whether or not your child will hate you when they get older because you never let their father see them?
And how will you feel when your son hates you because you didn't protect him from abuse? It's natural for our children to look for ways that we go wrong. Don't even go there. You are the parent. It's your job to parent your child. You do it by making the best decisions you can with the resouces available to you at the time you're forced to make the decision. Parenting will never be easy. But you have an obligation to your son to keep him safe, raise him to be a highly productive member of society and for goodness sake break the pattern of abuse. If his dad's name is not on the birth certificate this will be easier for you. If it's an issue for your son, then let him make the decision when he's 18. At least he'll have a chance to be raised without negative influences.
 0wiseone
Joined: 12/23/2008
Msg: 25 (view)
 
Dealbreaker? How to handle in casual dating??
Posted: 8/30/2009 7:50:39 PM

He of course denies and minimizes the significance of the drug issue.
Most people with addictions will. You should neither be surprised by this nor manipulated.
And then claims that I am punishing him for his honesty. And I realize he is right
You're kidding, right? He's supposed to lie to you so that you can be in a relationship under false pretenses? He has an obligation to be honest so that you can make an informed decision about the person you're dating. If he thinks he's being punished for being a loser then maybe he should stop being a loser. The blame goes to him not to you. What does he want from you? To change your standards and morals so that you will accept him for whatever behaviors he chooses to maintain?

Good for you for moving on from this guy. Do not trust anything he says or does. He is just tying to reel you in and will say or do whatever he thinks you want to hear. This is the type of guy that you don't even give the courtesy of telling him you're moving on. He will argue with you and try to change your mind. Just stop taking his calls and he will forget about you when he finds someone else to manipulate.
 0wiseone
Joined: 12/23/2008
Msg: 2 (view)
 
just a question
Posted: 8/29/2009 8:21:50 AM
It's only been a week. Give it a few months. Maybe she's not really as into you as you think... maybe she's tying up loose ends with other relationships... maybe she's just chatting with friends... Don't read more into this than is really there. Relax, be yourself, be nice and date. Keep it fun and drama free. Good luck to you.
 0wiseone
Joined: 12/23/2008
Msg: 5 (view)
 
what do you do when your wife is no longer interested in sex?
Posted: 8/16/2009 7:42:29 PM

"look, I am XX years old, I have X children, and I am just not interested in having sex anymore".
There's typically only one reason a woman is not interested in sex and it's usually because her partner is selfish and no good at it. I agree with the other comments about therapy. You really need to find out what will make her feel sexy again and focus on making her feel good. If your wife is not typical and there are other circumstances then all the more reason to seek therapy to find out what they are and overcome them.
 0wiseone
Joined: 12/23/2008
Msg: 5 (view)
 
Is he trying to act cool or just not interested?
Posted: 8/10/2009 5:59:54 PM

Been seeing/dating a guy for just over a month.
First of all, a month is not a long time, however, it's long enough that if you're going to continue to date after that time each person in the relationship should be open and honest.
I guess I should of just told him who it was but I didn't think it was any of his business.
I would disagree with you and say that it was his business. You're holding back and he knows it. He's not willing to play your game.
he knew I had an ex in Edmonton and I think he was assuming I was going there to see him

he wanted to spend more time with me but I had errands to run.
Not telling him your dinner plans, or letting him believe you're seeing your ex or not willing to spend time with him instead of running errands all puts him at the bottom of the list. He wants to be first with you and if you won't reciprocate then he'll move on.
I had a strange feeling that something in him suddenly made him change his mind about me.
I'm an advocate of listening to your instincts. I think you're right. He changed his mind about you...as would I.
 0wiseone
Joined: 12/23/2008
Msg: 9 (view)
 
Keeping a relationship question?
Posted: 8/10/2009 5:45:15 PM

So I'm asking what does it take to keep a good woman after I have gotten her?
Respect. Being critical is not being respectful. If something is bothering you about the other person, you should open the communication or move out of the relationship. Trying to change a person or a relationship to meet your needs will never work long term. You're still meeting the wrong women. Or you're unknowingly ruining a good relationship as a test to see if the other person will put up with your crap and continue to date you. The good woman is the one who won't play that game. Therefore, as long as you cannot be mature and respectful of the relationship, you will never have a good woman.
 
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