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 Author Thread: Cry wolf, go straight to gaol...
 cargy.
Joined: 12/26/2008
Msg: 23 (view)
 
Cry wolf, go straight to gaol...
Posted: 8/12/2010 5:09:35 AM

Er....excuse me luv, while you've got your mouth full, could you sign here....and here.....and here, cheers darlin


Sign or swallow?


...Well, there's the gag (no pun intended) but posting restrictions mean I have to add something else. Let me think...

I'd better point out that I wholly agree with those who see the Not Proven verdict for the ridiculous anachronism it is. It's right up there with Lynch mobs and witch hunts.

Isn't Scotland one of those places where an accused person is left to pay for their out of pocket with their own defence costs when they are found Not Guilty?!
 cargy.
Joined: 12/26/2008
Msg: 16 (view)
 
Cry wolf, go straight to gaol...
Posted: 8/11/2010 3:10:43 AM

Not guilty doesn't mean innocent of all charges, don't forget, it means insufficient evidence for a jury to convict.


Never heard such a load of old cobblers in my life.

Despite successive governments' dabbling in certain areas to place the burden of proof on the accused, the law in this country is based on the simple, straightforward, premise of "innocent until proven guilty".

If there is insufficient evidence to prove guilt, then the accused is innocent in the eyes of the law.

No ifs, no buts, and no matter what sex the accused is or how close together their eyes are!
 cargy.
Joined: 12/26/2008
Msg: 4 (view)
 
Ar some things wrong no matter how you dress it up?
Posted: 4/30/2010 6:05:23 AM
Brothers and sisters, I have none, but this man's father is...

...Also his son in law!
 cargy.
Joined: 12/26/2008
Msg: 2 (view)
 
Ar some things wrong no matter how you dress it up?
Posted: 4/30/2010 5:29:36 AM
Surely that's just an ordinary everyday redneck family?!!
 cargy.
Joined: 12/26/2008
Msg: 26 (view)
 
What kind of things do you miss being done for/to you by a SO?
Posted: 4/30/2010 2:44:57 AM
I have to do all my own nagging, and break all my own cups and plates once a month.

Sure was easier when that was all done for me, but I manage.
 cargy.
Joined: 12/26/2008
Msg: 10 (view)
 
Woman fined, tagged and given curfew -- for selling goldfish
Posted: 4/29/2010 11:06:09 AM
She stated that in future she will only sell animals to young people carrying identification


I'm gonna take a wild guess that that "identification" will feature a picture of the queen, and come in various denominations.
 cargy.
Joined: 12/26/2008
Msg: 21 (view)
 
*NEW* ... inbox layout
Posted: 4/23/2010 2:02:41 AM
I thought it was just unusual postage stamps.
 cargy.
Joined: 12/26/2008
Msg: 43 (view)
 
Volcanic Ash and it's Consequences
Posted: 4/23/2010 1:44:42 AM
I think this matter is far more serious than many of you realise.


**gravely** It's made my car so dirty that I actually have to go out there and clean it.
 cargy.
Joined: 12/26/2008
Msg: 56 (view)
 
st georges day
Posted: 4/23/2010 1:42:12 AM

Happy St George's Day, to all who celebrate it!

I fully agree!


Me too, and I'll go further:

Happy St George's Day to all!

 cargy.
Joined: 12/26/2008
Msg: 10 (view)
 
Caravanners
Posted: 4/21/2010 3:34:47 PM
I dunno, the idea of traipsing across the desert in a train of camels doesn't really do it for me, even if I am partial to a bit of Turkish Delight.
 cargy.
Joined: 12/26/2008
Msg: 30 (view)
 
PCSO's a failed experiment..
Posted: 4/21/2010 8:31:35 AM
do not want a holiday for 3 days cargy or being accused of being vulger


You summed it up rather well really.

It's just a shame that the enforcement the real world isn't half as effective as the report thread in this one!

 cargy.
Joined: 12/26/2008
Msg: 84 (view)
 
one night stands and pregnancy
Posted: 4/21/2010 8:23:17 AM

Free comdoms are available at your GPS


Bah, I've just taken my TomTom apart, and haven't found so much as a single condom inside. I'm sure you have that wrong.

OT: The incidence of so-called unwanted pregnancies exceeds the failure rates of the various contraceptive methods available by a large proportion. Draw your own conclusions from that.
 cargy.
Joined: 12/26/2008
Msg: 27 (view)
 
PCSO's a failed experiment..
Posted: 4/21/2010 8:05:17 AM

pcso - can you stop doing that anti social stuff please!
chav- no, what you going to do about it?
pcso- if you dont stop i will take your name and issue a on the spot fine.
chav- hahaha go on then!
pcso- right whats your name?
chav- make me tell you! (in the background shouts of dont tell him pike!)
pcos- please tell me your name?
chav - er no, make me



You have extraordinarily polite chavs in your area!
 cargy.
Joined: 12/26/2008
Msg: 23 (view)
 
PCSO's a failed experiment..
Posted: 4/21/2010 6:01:25 AM
C3POs are just glorified school prefects.

Can't help thinking they'd be much better employed as office-based PAs for proper policemen.

 cargy.
Joined: 12/26/2008
Msg: 3 (view)
 
Cosmetic surgery for vanity's sake.
Posted: 4/19/2010 4:47:43 PM
I have this mate who has one lil bigger than the other.
She is currently thinking about going under the knife to have the smaller one taken up a cup size.


I notice she's not having the bigger one made smaller...


Edit:
VVVVVVV No argument from me on that score!!

 cargy.
Joined: 12/26/2008
Msg: 9 (view)
 
Stranded Brits abroad.......should they be paid?
Posted: 4/19/2010 4:44:46 PM
I heard they are sending the Royal Navy in on the Ark Royal to pick up stranded people on the Continent - is this true?


It'd make sense... After all, they can't use it for aircraft right now!
 cargy.
Joined: 12/26/2008
Msg: 9 (view)
 
Volcanic Ash and it's Consequences
Posted: 4/19/2010 6:04:50 AM
Oh good grief, this has to be the dullest man alive


He'd have to be the second-dullest. Surely the camera guy was duller!

I know the level of ash has gone down in my vicinity, but I think that might be cos I quit smoking last week!
 cargy.
Joined: 12/26/2008
Msg: 72 (view)
 
The new Doctor Who. What do you think?
Posted: 4/18/2010 2:54:55 PM
Yeah, OK to all of that...

...but what are they playing at messing with the outside of the Tardis?
 cargy.
Joined: 12/26/2008
Msg: 117 (view)
 
?
Posted: 4/18/2010 12:34:26 PM
I've never had a cyber crush, but I'm not averse to a Slush Puppie on occasion.

 cargy.
Joined: 12/26/2008
Msg: 9 (view)
 
should the armed forces be subjected to industrial tribunals?
Posted: 4/18/2010 5:01:06 AM
If someone isn't able to do what a job requires, irrespective of what that job is, then they aren't suitable for the role.

The words "one-legged man" (or woman) and "arse-kicking contest" spring to mind.
 cargy.
Joined: 12/26/2008
Msg: 15 (view)
 
safe dates??
Posted: 4/18/2010 4:36:54 AM

If you were in america you could meet in a doughnut shop would be safe due to large police presence.


...And some of those po-lice are very large indeed thanks to their excessive doughnut intake.

OT: I'm with the quick coffee date brigade here.
 cargy.
Joined: 12/26/2008
Msg: 71 (view)
 
soulmates..do they exist.
Posted: 4/14/2010 4:20:38 PM
Interesting that most of the people who commented on this thread and said no are no longer around to ask if they left because they did indeed find their soulmate!


...I wouldn't be so sure: many seem to be living proof of re-incarnation... at least in the virtual world of PoF!

 cargy.
Joined: 12/26/2008
Msg: 10 (view)
 
What do British woman like
Posted: 4/14/2010 1:14:53 PM
Come back the non-Brit gal who just wanted Ugg boots a few weeks ago! All is forgiven!!
 cargy.
Joined: 12/26/2008
Msg: 20 (view)
 
Are people who talk about their sex lives sexually liberated or....
Posted: 4/14/2010 9:29:02 AM
Discourse about intercourse, over the first course, sounds about par for the course.

 cargy.
Joined: 12/26/2008
Msg: 33 (view)
 
Firemen 'cruising for women'
Posted: 4/14/2010 9:00:21 AM
I've heard of a red light district, but a blue light district's a new one on me.

 cargy.
Joined: 12/26/2008
Msg: 9 (view)
 
Padded Bikinis.....for 7 year olds?
Posted: 4/14/2010 8:54:33 AM
I think they're a great idea so long as we can have padded CELLS for the parents (and those in the clothing industry) who think they are appropriate at that age.
 cargy.
Joined: 12/26/2008
Msg: 4 (view)
 
should the armed forces be subjected to industrial tribunals?
Posted: 4/14/2010 7:30:15 AM
Suppose they gave a war and nobody came...

...because they couldn't sort out their childcare arrangements?

 cargy.
Joined: 12/26/2008
Msg: 2 (view)
 
When should children be taught about death?
Posted: 4/12/2010 4:06:20 PM
Obviously you don't go out of your way to tell a 4 year old about these things, as in "Come and have your tea now and, by the way, people die".

But I don't think it's fair to be cross with your mum either. Your daughter's question was almost inevitable given that she was at a graveside. At least your mum was honest and hopefully gentle about it.
 cargy.
Joined: 12/26/2008
Msg: 6 (view)
 
What do British woman like
Posted: 4/12/2010 3:33:41 PM
C0ck and bingo?

Perhaps that's why "bingo" is an anagram of "in gob"
 cargy.
Joined: 12/26/2008
Msg: 4 (view)
 
What do British woman like
Posted: 4/12/2010 11:49:36 AM
I want to at least date her


Is that a new euphemism?

 cargy.
Joined: 12/26/2008
Msg: 8 (view)
 
'Roots'..have we lost them?
Posted: 4/12/2010 3:43:53 AM
Morris dancing was never the same after it became part of the nationalised British Leyland.

Falling off the bonnet of an Allegro just didn't have the same appeal about it.

 cargy.
Joined: 12/26/2008
Msg: 3 (view)
 
What do British woman like
Posted: 4/12/2010 3:33:39 AM
What do British woman like?


Moaning! (Same as the blokes!)

 cargy.
Joined: 12/26/2008
Msg: 18 (view)
 
men/ woman are like buses?
Posted: 4/10/2010 6:22:52 AM

Cargy: Your post made me laugh so much I nearly needed to go & borrow a Tena, or is it a Tenner I need to soak up the damp?

Well, I know some folk who'll do just about anything for a tenner!



OT: As somebody put it on another thread:

...I may well be swapping messages, and emails with a few people, but...if it moves to the phone and then discussing a plan to meet up, with someone, I would feel awkward about accepting a date from someone else.


I can't speak for others, but that works for me. Perfectly.

You get on the bus that's going to the places you want to go, and avoid the ones where it's 'standing room only' if you want to travel there in comfort.
 cargy.
Joined: 12/26/2008
Msg: 13 (view)
 
Blue Humour...
Posted: 4/9/2010 4:40:07 PM

laugh at your own expense and I think you'll find those people who stand off will become more accepting.


I tried being self-effacing, but I don't think I was very good at it.

Some of the funniest jokes I've ever heard come out of tragic occasions. This was used as the concept behind an 80s comedy sketch where we join a newsreader just finishing a report on a serious train crash. As he conclude sthe report there is a banner graphic with a phone number and the, the reporter says "There is an emergency number for all those worried about friends or relatives...

(at which point the phone number changes)

...and here is the number for those wishing to hear the first sick jokes about it."


Speaking of sick jokes, I'm rather fond of this one:

What's blue and fooks grannies?

...Hypothermia!
 cargy.
Joined: 12/26/2008
Msg: 42 (view)
 
Weapon keyring?
Posted: 4/9/2010 8:18:41 AM
If they try to take it away, I will threaten them with the tweezers...


Surely the toothpick has a more effective point?!
 cargy.
Joined: 12/26/2008
Msg: 6 (view)
 
men/ woman are like buses?
Posted: 4/9/2010 8:14:41 AM

Yes, I can confirm that many of the men/women on here are like buses.


Huge, dirty, smelly, badly maintained, smoke too much, always late, expensive to go with, and when you do finally get on top, the view's not half as enjoyable as you thought it would be?!!

...and the buses are almost as bad!
 cargy.
Joined: 12/26/2008
Msg: 37 (view)
 
Weapon keyring?
Posted: 4/9/2010 7:07:16 AM
All the above quotes taken from a thread that's not 2 pages long...... Now what was that song about "England's green and pleasant land?"


Not so much Jerusalem, and more the Gaza Strip!
 cargy.
Joined: 12/26/2008
Msg: 23 (view)
 
Weapon keyring?
Posted: 4/8/2010 12:13:03 PM
I find it quite amusing that when someone doesn't like a rule or a law they just throw in 'pc gone mad' or 'pc malarky' without having a clue what it actually means.


I tell you it's madness gone politically correct!!

 cargy.
Joined: 12/26/2008
Msg: 15 (view)
 
Weapon keyring?
Posted: 4/8/2010 7:48:22 AM

you read what i said originally?


I read it just fine! Your original question asked about banning weapons, this is a weapon, ergo it should be banned.

Using an everyday object as a makeshift weapon is impossible to eradicate - the Maglight and various other things have already been mentioned- I don't have a problem with that, and it's nigh on impossible to legislate against.

But we, as a society, can legislate to keep the number of purpose-designed weapons in circulation to a minimum.
 cargy.
Joined: 12/26/2008
Msg: 10 (view)
 
Weapon keyring?
Posted: 4/8/2010 7:23:53 AM
Calling a gun a "home protector" wouldn't make it something other than a weapon.

Calling this a "defence tool", or a "mini-truncheon", or even a "happy fluffy bunny stick" doesn't change the fact it is designed as a weapon.

So, yeah, ban the bloody thing. The less weapons around in this messed up country, the better.
 cargy.
Joined: 12/26/2008
Msg: 12 (view)
 
Warning UK drivers!
Posted: 4/8/2010 3:29:37 AM
The OP's original description doesn't help, but it surprises me how many drivers - probably very safe and experienced ones at that - just don't get how this scam works.
 cargy.
Joined: 12/26/2008
Msg: 7 (view)
 
Good attitude towards life??
Posted: 4/8/2010 2:56:12 AM
You can't change who you are...

...but you can change how you are.
 cargy.
Joined: 12/26/2008
Msg: 24 (view)
 
How do you feel about being 'Put on hold'?
Posted: 4/7/2010 3:25:52 PM
I wonder if the OP will get regular messages saying

"Thank you for holding, you are important to me so please continue to hold and our profile holder will be with you shortly..."
 cargy.
Joined: 12/26/2008
Msg: 4 (view)
 
Holograms
Posted: 4/7/2010 8:41:28 AM
I've always wondered who this mysterious Captain Zlog is. I've yet to see him/her/it appear in a single scene.
 cargy.
Joined: 12/26/2008
Msg: 3 (view)
 
Missing the kids
Posted: 4/7/2010 8:07:59 AM
I miss mine every single day. They'll never not be a part of my life, even if they aren't actually in it.
 cargy.
Joined: 12/26/2008
Msg: 15 (view)
 
I can't get on with my grown up daughter BUT she still lives at home..
Posted: 4/7/2010 7:38:44 AM

I'm not talking about myself

Never even considered the possibility.


17


So she'd been at least a passable mum for 17 years, while he wasn't some helpless vulnerable kid.

It seems he hates her for failing to meet his possibly unreasonable expectations, rather than anything she did wrong per se. Shame we can't get her side of the story, I think it would make an interesting contrast, and might even resemble the OP's situation in many respects.
 cargy.
Joined: 12/26/2008
Msg: 5 (view)
 
Good attitude towards life??
Posted: 4/7/2010 6:34:59 AM

Time for me to focus on that profile I saw a minute ago


I went out with a geordie lass that kept asking "when are you ganna focus?".

...At least that's what it sounded like

 cargy.
Joined: 12/26/2008
Msg: 14 (view)
 
I can't get on with my grown up daughter BUT she still lives at home..
Posted: 4/7/2010 3:16:00 AM

He is not sulking, just has nothing whatsoever to do with the women who ditched him for a shag partner. That women should have never bred in the first place, which now he has a lovely life whilst his mother has a miserable life. True justice and glad the women got what she deserved.


How old was this guy when his mother "ditched him for a shag partner"?

From his perspective, it's also just as well that woman did breed. He wouldn't be here to enjoy this seemingly vindictive ostracism if she hadn't!
 cargy.
Joined: 12/26/2008
Msg: 10 (view)
 
Pop Star or Celebrity?
Posted: 4/7/2010 2:43:52 AM
..and a wife, wasn't she the one who had a pet canary called tweety bird?


I think so, but I reckon there was something really dodgy going on between him and Waldo.
 cargy.
Joined: 12/26/2008
Msg: 7 (view)
 
Warning UK drivers!
Posted: 4/7/2010 2:23:41 AM
Slightly off topic, but I was just wondering if anyone knows how easy it is to take my brake lights out?
 
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