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 Author Thread: How much should a man chase you to show he is interested?
 chieftan81
Joined: 12/29/2008
Msg: 95 (view)
 
How much should a man chase you to show he is interested?
Posted: 8/9/2009 8:55:20 AM
Games are fantastically fun.

I have a rule about games though. I will never use games to manipulate or deceive. But other than that, it's game on.

I think everybody wants a certain amount of "gaming" in a relationship/courtship/whatever. What people DON'T want are people who use them to manipulate them or deceive them.

And see, most people think they HAVE to play games AND manipulate the person to get them attracted to them. But if you separate off the manipulation and deception (and also the negative connotation on the word "games"), then games are not only fun, but sort of necessary.
 chieftan81
Joined: 12/29/2008
Msg: 58 (view)
 
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-wife...
Posted: 1/14/2009 6:22:42 PM
Yeah, it's not the fact that she talks to the ex (ok, maybe a little bit). It's the fact that she felt the next to ask about you after a fight.

That's beyond unacceptable. But that's just me. Perhaps you are more telerant and are a bit of a glutton for punishment.
 chieftan81
Joined: 12/29/2008
Msg: 50 (view)
 
Boyfriend did something bad in his past..29 years later..forgive?
Posted: 1/14/2009 6:19:01 PM
I think you should stick it out for another 9 years just to be sure.
 chieftan81
Joined: 12/29/2008
Msg: 5 (view)
 
When playing turns into the real thing
Posted: 1/12/2009 8:33:43 PM
You have to think about the sheer volume of men that hit on/approach a woman in any given day. If she took the time to get to know each and every one of them, she would have no time for herself.

This simply isn't a feasible thing for women to do.

So, women (and men actually) come up with ways to weed out some of the men. Unfortunately she may be weeding out some really great guys, but that doesn't mean that some really great guys aren't making the cut either.
 chieftan81
Joined: 12/29/2008
Msg: 20 (view)
 
Child support issue has gone through
Posted: 1/11/2009 9:03:13 PM

see I can kind of see the whole money going towards rent or mortgage, utlities, groceries, clothes, etc. I wouldn't have an issue with that in the least. Unfortunately, givng my ex that modum of control would mean the discussions would then become that I bought the more expensive tomatoe sauce rather than the other cheaper generic one. Or that I bought our son sneakers too often or I bought the more expensive brand of diapers..


I'm not saying that the NCP should have a say in things like that.

My "plan" is pretty much set in place by the child support office.

A portion of the money goes to the rent, utilities, etc. <<--No say from either party on that one

A portion of the money goes to an account for the children to have future access to it <<---no say from either party on that one either

The rest of the money goes to a card, where the ONLY accountability is that the custodial parent spent the money on things that the children NEED (like clothes, food, diapers, etc.) or that benefit the children in some way (toys, dancing classes, etc.). <<--the custodial parent has FULL control over how to spend this money, but it's LIMITED to ONLY be used on things that she has to prove were spent on the child. So it doesn't matter if she bought the most expensive spaghetti sauce, because if she's making dinner, it's likely that the kids are eating it. It only matters that the money is being spent on things that the kids get some benefit out of, and not things like a trip to the bar for the custodial parent, drugs, or any of the other shit that the kids don't get any benefit from.

How anybody can argue with that, is beyond me, unless, of course, we've got custodial parents abusing the child support they receive. IF the custodial parents want money to spend on themselves, they should be seeking ALIMONY. PERIOD. No ifs, ands, or buts.
 chieftan81
Joined: 12/29/2008
Msg: 141 (view)
 
Why men don't marry anymore
Posted: 1/11/2009 8:53:52 PM

The "cop out" is the excuse that you will get taken for half your worth. or, whatever., if you marry/re-marry. The proof is there (msg 168) that you can set things up so that "your worth" prior to going into a marriage can be protected.. So, to use the divorce laws as an excuse Not to marry or, re-marry is indeed a cop out.


Let me clear something up. I'm not necessarily worried about my "worth" at this time (nor was I worried about it in my divorce, in fact, I willingly let her have whatever possessions she wanted with very little objection). My issues are revolved around things such as lawyers fees for the divorce (each party should always pay for their own lawyer in a divorce, regardless of what has taken place between the couple), the issuance of child support (should children be conceived in the marriage), custody of the children, etc. As well as things like my retirement and any land that I inherit from my father. Thing of substance matter to me, and the state should never be able to take them from me unless they are things that we, together, built together within our marriage.

And ask any lawyer, there is no foolproof prenup and prenups can very easily be overturned in court with a good lawyer.


Like I said prior.. A marriage is like any other contract that has been accepted and mutually agreed to prior to taking possession, so set your marriage or remarriage up like any business agreement.


That's funny, I thought marriage was about wanting to share your life with someone with whom you are deeply in love with and commited too. Crazy me for wanting to keep it that way and not brink ink and paper and the government into it.


Marriage = A legal, cantractual, mutual agreement .. treat it that way and you can keep your pre-nuptual "worth" in tact.


Or, make the vows without the contract. Keep marriage for what it was originally intended to be, and not bring a legal document that was designed to protect women back in a day before it was ok for them to work or own land or vote. Those ideas are outmoted and outdated in our society, and yet the laws haven't caught up with the shift that has taken place.
 chieftan81
Joined: 12/29/2008
Msg: 18 (view)
 
Child support issue has gone through
Posted: 1/11/2009 8:45:52 PM

Chieftan - I hope you realize that you sound like a total control freak, right? You don't have a right to control the finances of your ex, even though you might want to.


If you say so, lol.

I could care less what she does with HER money. But I"m not talking about her money, I'm talking about the money that I am giving her that is supposed to go to the benefit of our children.

I don't much like the idea that my ex can take child support money and blow it at a bar if she wants to, but I know it happens. Let her use HER money for that. Not the mutual fund that is designed to be a support for our children.
 chieftan81
Joined: 12/29/2008
Msg: 17 (view)
 
Child support issue has gone through
Posted: 1/11/2009 5:59:32 PM

though i think that live fathers paying support have the right to see where the money goes, not just the dead fathers.


Not sure what you meant by the dead fathers part...

My personal thought on how child support is handled should be as such:

A portion of the money never even reaches the custodial parents hands, but rather is forwarded directly to things such as rent, electric, utilities, etc.

Another portion of the money still doesn't reach the custodial parents hands, but is rather moved to an account in the children's names for when they turn 18, then they can use the money for college or a downpayment on a house or whatever they want to.

The rest of the money is put on a card, and that card can be used to buy food, diapers, clothes, school supplies, etc. All money spent from the card must have a receipt as to where it went and must be sent to the child support office on a monthly basis to be put in a file where the non-custodial parent can have access to it if he so desires.

I can't think of a more fair, more useful use of the money. In this scenario, not only does the kid(s) see immediate benefits, but they also have future benefits, and the custodial parent gets a little break on their rent/utilities.
 chieftan81
Joined: 12/29/2008
Msg: 136 (view)
 
Why men don't marry anymore
Posted: 1/11/2009 5:51:14 PM

It's just a total cop-out


Not really.

For instance, I have no problem with any of the following:

1. Buying a ring for a woman and getting engaged
2. Standing before our family and friends and making a vow to be together forever or whatever

What I DO have a problem with is getting a marriage license. First of all, I don't think it's the government's place to interfere in people's personal lives like that. Secondly, and more importantly, the laws are so slanted towards women (at least in my area) that in the case of a divorce, the man is totatlly and completely screwed.

So, it's not a cop out at all. It's just reality. When the laws of our country even the score a bit, then I'll think about making it legal. Until then, we're just going to have to live with the old fashioned way: where our word is good enough to make a vow.
 chieftan81
Joined: 12/29/2008
Msg: 16 (view)
 
Child support issue has gone through
Posted: 1/11/2009 5:43:35 PM

You cannot withhold access if support is not paid.


And that's the way it should be. Damn. The MOST important thing in those childrens lives are ALWAYS ALWAYS ALWAYS the time they spend with the non-custodial parent (assuming, of course, that the non-custodial parent is sane and fit to be around the child).

Using child support as a form of control over getting child support paid is among one of the sickest and most disgusting things I've ever heard in my life.

But you are right, I HATE family law. I hate a law system that demands money just be forked over to the other parent with no stipulations on how it is spent on the children (nor do they CARE if it's spent on the children). I hate a law system that defaults to every other weekend when agreement cannot be reached rather than noticing that joint custody is the best option for the children. I hate a law system that defaults that the woman is always the custodial parent unless she is proven unfit (which is almost impossible) and doesn't take the time to actually make a judgement call on who the BEST parent would be for the child (not just forking them over to one gender as long as they aren't complete wastes of flesh).

What most people don't understand is that those of us who pay child support do not begrudge the children the money at all. In fact, if it goes where it's supposed to, I feel better knowing they have that money. But those of us who pay child support understand that there is literally NO stipulations on how the money is spent. It's money handed over to the other parent with no real regulation as to whether it actually gets spent on the children.

And as such, those of us who pay support, **** about it every chance we get because of this. Not only that, but I'd wager that some people don't pay it for this reason. I'd bet if there were stricter guidelines on how the money was spent, there'd be more people paying it.
 chieftan81
Joined: 12/29/2008
Msg: 120 (view)
 
Why men don't marry anymore
Posted: 1/10/2009 11:23:24 PM

It is a very good article. All the point were accurate. However, that does not mean the premise was correct. Most men want to get married but they want to marry a pretty young thing and most women are big girls. And, lots of men don't want the big girls.

The other thing is while most men want to get married, that does not include the hot guys. Hot guys tend not to get married because if they snap their fingers most women, single and married, will drop their panties


The reason most of us don't want to get married has more to do with the laws being so slanted towards the women in the case of a divorce.

Not because of any of that shit you just said. lol
 chieftan81
Joined: 12/29/2008
Msg: 15 (view)
 
Child support issue has gone through
Posted: 1/10/2009 6:55:29 PM

Till death do you part" is only said in certain Christian religious wedding ceremonies. I, as well as many others do not follow that doctrine


You shouldn't have kids with someone that you wouldn't want in your life "til death."

Not saying that you have to stay in a relationship with them, but if you're with someone that you couldn't imagine being in their life forever, you might not want to have kids with that person.
 chieftan81
Joined: 12/29/2008
Msg: 43 (view)
 
commitment fears?
Posted: 1/10/2009 6:44:08 PM
I just figure it to be a good way to politely say "Hey, I'm just using you for sex."
 chieftan81
Joined: 12/29/2008
Msg: 189 (view)
 
How do you get a guy to not just want you for sex???
Posted: 1/10/2009 6:36:22 PM

4 month rule


Sweet Jesus, that's insane.

Y'all put too much emphasis on sex.

Guys want sex (and, deep down, so do YOU, don't BS yourself). It's a natural desire. Trying to clamp down control on that area like that is outrageous. I'd never date a girl with a rule like that. Not because of the rule itself, but how controlling it is.
 chieftan81
Joined: 12/29/2008
Msg: 13 (view)
 
Child support issue has gone through
Posted: 1/10/2009 6:29:06 PM

There comes a time when you focus more on your own responsibilities and forego trying to find someone else to take care of them for you.


No, dude, women feel ENTITLED to that money. lol Not just that, but do they feel like they need to spend it on the child? Not according to some single moms I know. That's right, not only do they feel entitled to the money (sorry girls, you're not entitled to SHIT), but they also feel ZERO GUILT in spending some of the money on themselves.
 chieftan81
Joined: 12/29/2008
Msg: 6 (view)
 
Child support issue has gone through
Posted: 1/10/2009 11:23:30 AM

Anybody who hates giving money to the ex


That's exactly it. YOu nailed it. It's not "child support." It's "ex-wife support" disguised as child support.

It's so ****ed up how child support is handled in our country. There is literally no stipulations on how the money is spent. It's all forked over to the custodial parent and the custodial parent is free to spend the money however they please, which is the most ridiculous thing I've ever heard of.

I don't begrudge my kids the money, so long as I know it's THEM that is benefiting from it. In fact, I would be GLAD that they are getting the benefit fromt hat money.

I begrudge the fact that my ex-wife can spend that money however she pleases, though.
 chieftan81
Joined: 12/29/2008
Msg: 5 (view)
 
Child support issue has gone through
Posted: 1/10/2009 11:19:56 AM
If he is so unbalanced, then why are you squeezing and hammering him for child support money, thereby making him even more unbalanced?

I understand that it's his children too, and that by not paying child support he is truly a deadbeat, but on the other hand one ought to weigh out what is most important I would think.

If you truly believe that it's important for your children's father to be in their lives, then you should be squeezing and hammering for him to get help at this time. The child support can wait until he is more stable.
 chieftan81
Joined: 12/29/2008
Msg: 14 (view)
 
help relationship advice please. i don't know who to talk to
Posted: 1/10/2009 11:05:19 AM
Look man, you're going to have to dig deeper for a bigger set of balls if you are going to end this. She's obviously playing the field and trying to keep safety nets on the hook in case things don't work out with the others she's after.

You know what you need to do, but you've allowed yourself to get emotionally invested in her and that is clouding your mind.

I assert that it probably won't be over until she deems it's over, because it seems like everytime she asserts authority, you go running back to her.

Either stick to your guns and put her out of your life, or hang around and keep getting messed with.

Personally, I think that you should just date like 5 other girls. You have a case of "one-itis" and it's affecting your decision making skills. So go out and find some other girls to date (even IF you don't blow this one off).
 chieftan81
Joined: 12/29/2008
Msg: 12 (view)
 
Never neverland
Posted: 1/9/2009 7:21:01 PM
Nothing. Everything I've done has made me the man that I am. Everything I will do will make me the man that I will be.

No regrets, despite many mistakes. :)
 chieftan81
Joined: 12/29/2008
Msg: 8 (view)
 
Something New to Me...... I need a womans take on it.
Posted: 1/5/2009 7:05:33 PM
Based on those last two posts, I would say that you are hardcore friendzoned and don't realize it.
 chieftan81
Joined: 12/29/2008
Msg: 29 (view)
 
Would like to Keep it Professional and Friends ONLY
Posted: 1/5/2009 7:04:32 PM
IF you're serious, then you already know what you need to do.

You need to cut contact with him for a while until you get over your crush. Being that you work together, that'll be hard to do, but I'm sure you can keep away from him as much as possible.
 chieftan81
Joined: 12/29/2008
Msg: 16 (view)
 
Discipline
Posted: 1/5/2009 6:54:05 PM
I'm all for spanking a kid if it's a last resort, but someone else's kid? That's pretty crazy.
 chieftan81
Joined: 12/29/2008
Msg: 2 (view)
 
Something New to Me...... I need a womans take on it.
Posted: 1/5/2009 6:45:43 PM
She is either back with her ex or interested in another guy.
 chieftan81
Joined: 12/29/2008
Msg: 83 (view)
 
How do you get a guy to not just want you for sex???
Posted: 1/5/2009 6:25:45 PM
It doesn't make a guy a pig to want sex from you. Last I checked, we are sexual beings.

You want to make sure a guy likes you first? Don't put out on the first date or the first meeting. If he comes back, he likes you for more than just sex. It's pretty simple.
 
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