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 Author Thread: I've got something thats poisoning my profile...
 kebemik
Joined: 1/4/2009
Msg: 8 (view)
 
I've got something thats poisoning my profile...
Posted: 6/12/2010 6:27:08 AM
It might be the jeep pics. If driving your jeep off-road is a big part of your life and it's important that a woman share this with you, then keep those pics. If not, mention it as an interest, but get rid of the pictures.

You asked for honest. This is not meant to be mean, but honest and just my opinion. To me the jeep pictures say that this is a guy obsessed with the jeep culture and if I date him I am going to be spending a lot of time in the middle of nowhere waiting for a tow truck to pull him out of some place that he has gotten the jeep stuck.

Remember that you are talking to a woman in your profile, not trying to impress another man. Those pictures may impress a man as being rugged and adventurous, but to many women what they say is that this guy is a bad driver with poor judgment. If I date this guy I am going to be spending a lot of time being hot, sweaty, dirty, and miserable. (Hot, sweaty, and dirty aren't necessarily bad if the activity is fun, but they are poison if the activity is not.) If I date this guy I am going to be spending a lot of time trying to cope with the latest disaster he has gotten himself into.
 kebemik
Joined: 1/4/2009
Msg: 4 (view)
 
Profile review please? Female opinions needed
Posted: 6/12/2010 6:07:45 AM
A picture where you are smiling would help. An unsmiling picture can look forbidding or unwelcoming to many women. If you run a lot, add an action shot of yourself running. This will give you a chance to show off how fit you are.

What do you love to shop for? Just sneakers?

Write your profile as if you were writing directly to the woman you want to meet.

Happy Fishing!
 kebemik
Joined: 1/4/2009
Msg: 15 (view)
 
NoVA POF Social April 23 5:30pm at the Sea Pearl Rest & Lounge
Posted: 4/21/2010 3:20:08 PM
Is there a way to un-RSVP? I was looking forward to this event, but now will not be able to make it.
 kebemik
Joined: 1/4/2009
Msg: 129 (view)
 
Does this site really work?
Posted: 1/23/2010 1:29:39 PM
Depends on what you mean by "work."

The big advantage of this site is that it's a place where people who are looking can meet other people who are looking. You can meet people here that you would not be likely to meet in real life and when you meet them here, you know they are available (or at least claim to be). In real life, the majority of people you meet are already in relationships (at least in my age group).

I think, though, that if by "work" you mean will it magically get someone a date who can't get one in real life, then probably not. I think the people who have trouble getting dates in real life are also going to have trouble here, whether it's because of looks, personality, or whatever.

Also, consider that if it "works" the people that it works for are usually no longer here. Those of us who are still here are mostly still looking. So the people who are answering your question are the people it hasn't "worked" for, at least not yet.

So far, it has "worked" for me if that means going out on dates. I have met some nice men who I would not have met in my daily life, but I still have not met "the one." If I do, I'm outta here!
 kebemik
Joined: 1/4/2009
Msg: 11 (view)
 
Hey Ladies! Are we over reacting, or just wanting answers?
Posted: 1/20/2010 1:36:23 PM
#5 has some likely possibilities. I'd add another to the mix. Maybe they are not getting from you what they are looking for, so they are keeping options open. If you treat a woman as if she is an option for you and not a priority, don't be surprised if you get the same treatment in return. Not an accusation, just saying that this is a possibility.

You say that you want to know where you stand in her life. Have you made it clear to her where she stands in yours? Is she a priority for you, or just an option when you aren't in the bar with your buddies, watching/playing sports, etc. Is she just someone to date until someone hotter comes along? A lot of woman have a very good radar for sensing these things and for sensing if you are BSing them. Another lot of women don't have good radar and are pretty insecure until you make yourself clear (or sometimes even after you make yourself clear). Staying in contact with an ex could be a way of "protecting" herself from lack of attention from you or from getting dumped by you.

Also, you say you "confronted" them over this issue. There is a big difference between confronting someone and discussing an issue with them. If the issue bothers you, it is certainly reasonable to bring it up and discuss it. A negative way to bring up the issue is to "confront" her with it (gotcha!) and tell her what to do (example: demand that she cut off contact with the ex). A positive way to do this would be to tell the woman how you feel about it (example: bad, disappointed, like you're not a priority for her, threatened, etc. example: I would not stay in contact with an ex, but you do, so I want to understand why.)

Communicate! Best of luck!
 kebemik
Joined: 1/4/2009
Msg: 15 (view)
 
What do you consider confidence?
Posted: 12/29/2009 1:15:25 PM
We all need a little reassurance once in a while, but this doesn't sound like confidence to me.

I think there are many, many people who claim to be what they least are. Maybe they claim to be what they WISH they were. I am very suspicious when people claim to be honest, witty, fun, or whatever, unless I see some evidence of it in their behavior. Saying it's so doesn't make it so.
 kebemik
Joined: 1/4/2009
Msg: 10 (view)
 
Do women have stronger legs than men?
Posted: 12/29/2009 12:37:13 PM
I know that when I was going to the gym regularly, if a man used the machine before I did, I nearly always had to increase the weight on the leg press and often on the other leg machines. But on the upper body machines, I almost always had to decrease the weights.

I can leg press 420. I don't think that's my peak, either, but I haven't been to the gym in a few months. Any workout partners out there?
 kebemik
Joined: 1/4/2009
Msg: 11 (view)
 
Minimum number of emails before asking for a phone number
Posted: 12/24/2009 2:30:23 PM
Since every woman seems to have a different attitude about this, I recommend asking in an email what her preference is. That way you can let her know that while you are interested and prefer to talk on the phone sooner rather than later, you are also respectful of her preferences or comfort level with this.

Some women, like me, feel more comfortable if the man gives his number. (For me in real life, it's the opposite of online. In real life, I prefer to have the man call me. Different circumstances; different reasons; different preference.)

One thing I totally agree with you about is that I'd rather meet someone sooner than email forever. I am interested in real live dates, not pen pals. So the email is just a screening process. If a man has a very short profile and doesn't provide much info in his emails, though, I will either email long enough to get a better idea of who he is or politely say no thanks.

Good luck and happy fishing!
 kebemik
Joined: 1/4/2009
Msg: 8 (view)
 
Is it actually exceptable for a guy to give a girl his number?
Posted: 12/23/2009 7:33:02 PM
My preference is different depending on how well I know a man. If I meet someone online, then I prefer that he give me his number so I can call him. That allows me to maintain some level of privacy with a man who I don't really know yet. To me, someone online is a complete stranger and I don't give my number to complete strangers. He gets my number if/when I feel that he is no longer in the stranger zone!

If I know a man in real life, someone I've met in person, I'd prefer that he call me. Since I already know him, I have a greater level of trust and it is likely that he already has my number or can get it from a mutual friend or business card, etc.
 kebemik
Joined: 1/4/2009
Msg: 7 (view)
 
who gets rejected more
Posted: 12/20/2009 6:59:02 PM
It all depends on what qualifies as rejection. Almost all of my emails get answered, so I'm pretty lucky there, but most of them are just friendly and not asking for a date. What men probably don't consider in this equation is all of the passive "rejection" that women get. How many guys look at a woman's profile and pass? How many guys don't even see a profile because she does not meet the qualifications he is looking for?

I would estimate that for every 20 guys that view my profile, 1 contacts me (and not always to ask for a date). Does that mean I've been rejected 19 times out of 20?

I know it's hard for a man to approach a woman and get turned down. I know that stings because on rare occasions I've taken a chance and done the asking. Never worked out and always painful. Men don't notice the average looking women in a group because they are all competing for the attention of the hot looking ones. The average looking woman standing by herself at a party is being rejected, just not in the same way as a man who asks for a date and gets told "no."
 kebemik
Joined: 1/4/2009
Msg: 9 (view)
 
Girls asking 'So what's your last name?'
Posted: 12/20/2009 6:42:39 PM
Because she would like to know who she is meeting for many reasons. It is generally not a big risk for a man to meet a woman who is a stranger. For a woman, she is taking a much bigger chance.

At what point in a relationship did you plan to tell her who she was dating? You're pretty open about a lot of things in your profile, so what's the big deal with the name? (If she asks for your social security number and bank account number, THEN you should worry.)

At least half the men I have met have offered their full names without my asking. They understand that to do so is something that puts a woman at ease. Personally, I feel it is a gentlemanly thing to do. It shows consideration. Another thing that puts a woman at ease is meeting in a public place.

A man who is reluctant to give his name sets off alarm bells. Married? Criminal record? What is he hiding?

Yes, I have googled some of the men before meeting them. I assume they do the same when I give them my name. If you have nothing to hide, then it shouldn't worry you.
 kebemik
Joined: 1/4/2009
Msg: 2 (view)
 
Help, Please!
Posted: 12/20/2009 8:25:12 AM
Hi, Rose!

I think it's a pretty good profile. I have learned that while some men read all the way through a profile, a lot of men don't. But in either case, you have a better chance if you first get their attention with your picture. Your pictures are fine, but if you could put up another one that is mostly your face and use that for your main picture, I think it would help.

Your sense of humor and upbeat personality really shine through. Also it's obvious that you participate in a good variety of fun activities.

You have email restriction so that you can't get email from women, but if you message me, I would have a few more things to say.

And last, but definitely not least, THANK YOU for your service!

Good luck and happy fishing!
 kebemik
Joined: 1/4/2009
Msg: 3 (view)
 
Am I that ugly?
Posted: 12/20/2009 8:16:40 AM
A picture where you are smiling would help a lot.

You could add a little more to your profile, too. Maybe say something about the type of woman you want to meet. Write as if you are writing to her. Think about what she is going to want to hear from you.

Saying that you like "chatting on the computer" makes you sound a bit like someone who never gets out. Consider removing that. (Obviously all of us here do some of that! So it's not a secret that you do it.)

Just my opinion, but I'd take out "corny" from your first date description. It sounds like you are putting yourself down. Leave in "fun." Those are definitely fun (and good) date ideas. They show that you get out and do things.

Good luck and happy fishing!
 kebemik
Joined: 1/4/2009
Msg: 15 (view)
 
Never give the women the power
Posted: 12/17/2009 6:04:55 PM
I don't know what the biggest turn off is, but playing power games is pretty high on the list.

Pretending to be something you aren't, pretending not to be interested. Two more huge turnoffs.
 kebemik
Joined: 1/4/2009
Msg: 17 (view)
 
Your Ideal Romantic Marriage Proposal?
Posted: 12/6/2009 6:32:13 PM
I agree with those who said something from the heart. I think the ideal proposal would be something that has meaning for the two people involved. So think about your girlfriend and what type of woman she is. Picnic? Fine dining and violins? At the baseball stadium?

I can't speak for your girlfriend, but personally, I would not want it on the jumbotron at the ball park. I'd want it to be a private moment between me and my man. He only needs to impress me (and hopefully he already has and has won my heart before the proposal), not show off to the whole baseball stadium. That doesn't mean it couldn't be at the ballpark or a restaurant, just that I'd want him to ask only me, not put me on the spot in front of an audience.
 kebemik
Joined: 1/4/2009
Msg: 25 (view)
 
Are we harder to date at
Posted: 11/29/2009 9:46:05 AM
Based on my experience, the dating part is easier. But finding something lasting might be more difficult.

I think I'm pretty relaxed about going out and meeting someone and having a good time together, but pickier about whether I'd want a more serious relationship.

When I signed up here, though optimistic, I was doubtful that many men would be interested in a woman over 50. I thought the young guys would be looking for young women and the old guys would be looking for young women. Happily, I was wrong!
 kebemik
Joined: 1/4/2009
Msg: 18 (view)
 
when does confident turn to cocky? and is being cocky a bad thing?
Posted: 11/29/2009 9:02:33 AM
Confidence is when you know you're good.

Kockiness is when you tell everyone you're good.
 kebemik
Joined: 1/4/2009
Msg: 137 (view)
 
Your intentions when you Joined POF...
Posted: 11/28/2009 6:54:07 PM
I joined to meet men. I meet a lot of men in real life, but they are always married or in a relationship. I figured that men would be on this site because they were single and looking. I hoped that would lead to some dates. I hoped one of them would be someone I could fall in love with and him with me.

I get several emails a week and I've averaged about one or two dates per month. If I had met Mr. Right, I would be off this site and I wouldn't be posting.

I can't complain. The price is right. I've had some interesting dates. I didn't really expect that the first (or even 10th) man I met would be a great match. I wouldn't expect that in real life, so why here? But I do know that if I just sit at home waiting for someone to drop out of the sky, it ain't gonna happen.
 kebemik
Joined: 1/4/2009
Msg: 434 (view)
 
Older women, not wanting to date men their age.
Posted: 11/27/2009 3:02:22 PM
My preference is for someone within 10 years of my age.

HOWEVER....

I made an exception once for a much younger man on this site. His profile told me that he had been places and done things in his life that were beyond his years and that he had plans and was going places. That's more than I can say for a lot of men at ANY age. It was the best pof date I've had.
 kebemik
Joined: 1/4/2009
Msg: 89 (view)
 
Have any other women experienced this?
Posted: 11/26/2009 7:29:52 PM
Mostly I've been pretty lucky. I've had some great conversations.

But there was one guy who spent at least 15 minutes trying to impress me by telling just about the most boring story I've ever heard. When he finally stopped to take a breath, he asked if I had any hobbies. He interrupted me about 10 seconds into my answer (I am not exaggerating!) and said it was boring and he didn't want to hear any more about it, then proceeded to talk more about himself.

I figured he was nervous and trying to impress me, so I listened politely, but that was part of the reason there was no second date.

I try to have a balanced conversation. I don't expect the man to have to ask me about my day, though I appreciate it if he does! I try to ask interesting questions and bring up interesting topics. I don't always succeed - sometimes I just have an "off" day or I'm preoccupied or something. Maybe your dates were nervous or maybe they were waiting for you to offer a topic. Maybe they didn't want to feel like they were prying by asking questions.
 kebemik
Joined: 1/4/2009
Msg: 17 (view)
 
Asking A Girl If She's Comfortable With Pace
Posted: 11/24/2009 3:51:44 PM
She's shy. She's waiting for you to make a move. Make one!

I'm not suggesting dragging her by the hair back to your cave. But fer cryin' out loud, kiss her!!!!!!!!
 kebemik
Joined: 1/4/2009
Msg: 17 (view)
 
Selfish or natural?
Posted: 11/23/2009 7:51:52 PM
I think it's pretty natural to feel a little jealous. Missing her is not the same as wishing that she didn't have the good fortune to meet someone.

Think about this, though. If this guy turns out to be great, maybe he also has some great single friends that you will get introduced to.

I am always happy to see friends in good relationships. The more the better. If it were rare, I wouldn't have much hope for finding a good relationship for me.

Don't think of it as you against the couples. Enjoy being who you are where you are right now. Let them be a little envious of you. Appreciate the advantages you have. Although I would love to have a boyfriend, I still have fun with my married friends and I enjoy the parts of single life (lots of freedom, no one else to worry about, usually easier to do things spur of the moment) that aren't available to those in relationships.
 kebemik
Joined: 1/4/2009
Msg: 68 (view)
 
Secrets
Posted: 11/22/2009 8:57:41 PM
If I met the right man, I'd want him to know my life story and I'd want to know his. So in that regard, I have no secrets. But I wouldn't want us to bore each other to death by telling it all at once! (No matter how fascinating your life is, by this age there is a LOT of it!)

I expect though, that by "secrets" the OP means do we have something we're afraid to share or that we think is a dealbreaker in a relationship.

If I thought I had any "dealbreakers" in my past, present, or future, I would probably not bring them up on the first date, but I'd get them on the table sooner rather than later and I hope that a man would do the same. I'd rather find out early that we are not a match. I'd hate to get really attached and then find out that the man uses drugs, has a significant medical condition, is bankrupt, etc.
 kebemik
Joined: 1/4/2009
Msg: 3 (view)
 
Looking for Opinions
Posted: 11/19/2009 11:30:07 AM
I'd leave out the living at home part which is not especially relevant for someone your age.
I think the real issue is the circumstances that have brought you home. I'm not asking you to give out details here, but the real concern would be "resolving a family situation" and what that is all about.

If you are dealing with ailing parents/siblings or something like that, it might not be ideal, but you would probably get some bonus points for being a caring and responsible man. If you have toxic relatives - alcoholics, drug addicts, criminals - then it would be a red flag that many women will avoid. If it involves children you fathered from a previous relationship, it's also negative in many ways and not something a young, single, childless woman would likely want to be a part of.

Basically it comes down to whether you are responsible for the "situation" or are taking responsibility for the situation. In other words, are you the cause of the problem, or are you part of the solution?
 kebemik
Joined: 1/4/2009
Msg: 16 (view)
 
Are things THAT bad?
Posted: 11/18/2009 4:05:33 PM
Better ways to meet men? I'm all ears.

The main advantage of this site (or so I thought when I signed up) was that if you met someone here, you knew they were looking, too. IRL, if you meet someone, you don't know what their marital status is, if they have a gf/bf, or if they're even interested in having one.

But I've also discovered that's the case for many people here. I'm not talking about the forum only members who say so outright. They are easy to filter so no problem. I think there are quite a few who are not truthful about their marital status or about what they are looking for. Definitely not a good thing.

Diamonds? Nope. Real estate.
 kebemik
Joined: 1/4/2009
Msg: 9 (view)
 
What's your take on agressive ladies?
Posted: 11/18/2009 3:53:27 PM
My experience has been that men *say* they like it but they really don't. At least not in a way that is likely to lead to a good relationship. I think what they like is knowing that a woman finds them attractive. That doesn't mean that they would actually want to have a relationship with the woman or even go out with her. I think they just want the ego satisfaction.

For some men, a woman making the first move is a sign to him that she is easy or desperate, so for a man who is just looking for a fling, that might have some appeal.

Several men have even told me that they have fantasies of being kidnapped or stalked - kind of the extreme case of a woman being aggressive. Anyone who has actually experienced such a thing can tell you it is nothing to hope for in real life. I think it just means that they want to have sex, but without any responsibility.
 kebemik
Joined: 1/4/2009
Msg: 3 (view)
 
Favorites page: Hightlighted profiles?
Posted: 11/17/2009 7:44:18 AM
I'd like to know, too. There is a profile on the top of my list. I think it's the same guy every time (not someone I've favorited). What's up with that? Is he supposed to be some sort of super match for me or something? Is he a "serious member" who has paid to get put on the top of other people's lists?
 kebemik
Joined: 1/4/2009
Msg: 7 (view)
 
The Right apporach
Posted: 11/16/2009 3:31:23 PM
I don't like cameras either, but I found out that no pic = no contact.

If you always do what you've always done, you'll always get what you've always gotten.

So if you don't like the results you've gotten before, you need to change. It's entirely your choice and under your control, no one else's.

Good luck!
 kebemik
Joined: 1/4/2009
Msg: 16 (view)
 
What exactly does no Games and no Drama mean?
Posted: 11/16/2009 3:05:13 PM
First of all, I wouldn't put it directly on my profile, because it seems to indicate that either the person who writes it is guilty of it, or that the person who writes it is a magnet for it.

To me, games means behaving in a manipulative way. It means pretending that you do or don't have other dates when the opposite is true. It means playing hard to get. It means deliberately not calling or messaging someone in an attempt to control the situation and not look too eager. It means stringing someone along when you have no intention of meeting them but are just bored and trying to amuse yourself. It means deliberately saying or doing something to upset the other person in order to keep them on edge and guessing. It means leading someone on when you are just looking for a fling. It means pretending to be someone that you are not. It means lying about your intentions. It means lying about your marital status or employment. Pretty much anything that involves dishonesty could be "games" but some people think that little lies somehow don't count. They are wrong and they are playing games.

To me drama can mean two different things, both bad. One, it can mean making a mountain out of a molehill. Acting like a parking ticket or a broken fingernail is worthy of an Academy Award is drama. Two, it can mean having an excess of genuine drama in your life. Having a stalker ex, using drugs or being involved with people who do, criminal issues, major financial problems - those are big drama issues that most of us don't want to get caught up in.
 kebemik
Joined: 1/4/2009
Msg: 10 (view)
 
What should you say when a girl tells you she's fat?
Posted: 11/15/2009 5:59:42 PM
I think most women who say this (or make any other negative comments about their bodies) are looking for reassurance that you like them as they are.

So if you do like her as she is, try to convey it. If she is normal or thin, tell her that she's gorgeous and maybe even say that you'd hate to see her lose weight. If she actually does need to lose some weight, tell her that she's gorgeous and you like her just as she is.

If you have a VERY good relationship with a woman who needs to lose weight, it is possible that she is looking for some support to do that. It is possible that she is asking you to encourage her, go to the gym with her, avoid dates where you eat a lot, or something along those lines. It may be the opening for a very honest discussion. The best bet here, rather than offer advice, is to ask her what she would like you to do to help. Be careful about offering advice, unless she asks for it.
 kebemik
Joined: 1/4/2009
Msg: 15 (view)
 
Do you consider your equal?
Posted: 11/15/2009 3:56:57 PM
If I meet my equal here, I'll date him. But he'll have to message me first. ;-)
 kebemik
Joined: 1/4/2009
Msg: 2 (view)
 
Profile Review Essential for Me
Posted: 11/14/2009 6:48:42 PM
The profile is not so bad, but your post here is very negative and self-pitying. Try to lose that attitude and be more confident.

Your picture is fine, but more pictures are always a good idea.

Consider writing a little bit about what you are looking for in a date. What kind of woman are you hoping to meet?

Group things by paragraph. Put all the acting comments in one paragraph, the goals in another paragraph. If you have additional ambitions and goals, that would be nice to hear about.

Good luck!
 kebemik
Joined: 1/4/2009
Msg: 5 (view)
 
ok, do me.
Posted: 11/14/2009 6:43:55 PM
Use paragraphs.

Leave out anything negative. In particular, leave out the "first car wreck." It sounds like you are planning to have more.

You might consider leaving out the male hearthrobs from your interests list. I think if I were a guy and a woman listed Brad Pitt or anyone like that, I would think twice about contacting her unless I were equally good looking.
 kebemik
Joined: 1/4/2009
Msg: 2 (view)
 
Profile review pleasseee?
Posted: 11/14/2009 6:27:15 PM
I'd recommend getting rid of all the lol's. Even for people who don't find them annoying, the large number of them gets very repetitive. (Maybe it's different for people in your age range.)

Second, you are in Ohio, but say that you might go to school in Tennessee. That may discourage some guys who don't want to start something that will end next year. I think it's fine to have that in your profile - never lie - but it may explain a low number of hits.

Good luck!
 kebemik
Joined: 1/4/2009
Msg: 10 (view)
 
When you read a good profile, what does it tell you and how?
Posted: 11/10/2009 12:16:05 PM
A good profile tells me who the person is, where he has been, where he is going. It gives me an idea of what separates him from the rest of the pack. It tells me enough about his interests and his life to give me an idea of whether they would blend with mine. It gives me an idea of whether we might have anything interesting to talk about and whether it would be fun to date him. It tells me how he looks at the world, himself, and others. It gives me an idea of how he regards women and how he treats them.
 kebemik
Joined: 1/4/2009
Msg: 2 (view)
 
Strike 23! Not Even a Ball
Posted: 11/9/2009 3:10:21 PM
I'd say yes it was a brush off.

One reason for no luck might be because your main picture looks as though you are naked. That may be scaring off most women. Another is that you are separated. Most women will not date someone who is not yet divorced.
 kebemik
Joined: 1/4/2009
Msg: 10 (view)
 
Complement POF Emails
Posted: 11/8/2009 9:49:02 PM
I view it as an act of kindness, too. I receive messages like that and they are always appreciated.

I send complimentary messages to both men and women when I see something in a profile or a forum post that I like. I almost always get an answer back.

When I do this, it's usually obvious that I'm not flirting because it's either a woman, a man who is 1000 miles away, or someone way out of my age range. Only once was one of these messages taken as a sign of interest and it let to a nice date with a man I would not otherwise have met.
 kebemik
Joined: 1/4/2009
Msg: 21 (view)
 
Thoughts about mutually beneficial relationships
Posted: 11/7/2009 7:33:25 PM
I know a man who does this, then does not understand why his girlfriends leave him once they have the jewelry or the credit card is paid off or he has fixed whatever problem they had that they used him for.

There are exceptions to every rule, but generally speaking, I would regard a man like this as foolish. Especially if he's done it more than once and hasn't learned from it.
 kebemik
Joined: 1/4/2009
Msg: 18 (view)
 
How to make a girl feel special?
Posted: 11/7/2009 7:29:58 PM
If you are looking for that one special woman, I would say that 1-4 are important, but 5 depends on your interpretation of "pamper." Just my opinion here, but I think if by pamper you mean that you are at her beck and call and constantly waiting on her and doing things for her, but she is not doing the same for you, that's bad. If she pampers you, too, then that's good.

One really important thing I'd add to the list is honesty. Be honest with her and expect the same in return. Another thing is to be self-confident. Not arrogant, just confident. Be proud of being from the country and don't put yourself down or sell yourself short by calling yourself a country bumpkin (unless you're just kidding around - hard to tell in print). I think the honesty and confidence are part of #4.

You are very good looking and should have no trouble finding plenty of women to date. Good luck and happy fishing!
 kebemik
Joined: 1/4/2009
Msg: 10 (view)
 
flowers,help me girls.
Posted: 11/4/2009 5:57:33 PM
There is no one size fits all answer. I can tell you how I would react, but I can't tell you how the woman you want to date will react.

I'm assuming you are talking about sending a bouquet from a florist. In that case, if a man I didn't know at all sent me flowers, I think that would make me feel a little pressured and awkward. If I knew the man already and liked him but hadn't dated him, I think it would be a very positive thing. If I were in a serious relationship with the man, I would totally love it.

Again, I can't tell you how this particular woman would react, but you might want to take things a little slower and save the flowers until you've been out on a few dates.

If you wanted to drop by and give her something you picked yourself, that you grew in your own garden, or a single stem (not red rose - too intense and full of meaning) from a street vendor, that could be a little less pressure and much more charming for someone you haven't dated yet.

Good luck to you!
 kebemik
Joined: 1/4/2009
Msg: 19 (view)
 
How many people to contact
Posted: 11/4/2009 5:32:48 PM
I'd recommend that you keep increasing the number of contacts until you start getting the number of responses that you want. I would also mention, based on my experience, that just because you are emailing, it doesn't mean it will ever lead to a date. There are a lot of people willing to exchange a few emails, then disappear. Based on what I read from the men, women are even more likely to do this.

An earlier poster said to contact women who are currently online in order to increase your chances. I think that's good advice.

Another poster says that you are more likely to get responses from single moms. She is probably right in terms of the odds, but I'd say go ahead and contact anyone who appeals to you. You just never know.

I'm surprised you aren't getting many responses. You're a good-looking guy and you obviously are hard-working and have plans for your life. That's appealing to a lot of women.

Also, thank you for your military service. I really appreciate it. Lots of us do.

Best of luck. Happy Fishing!
 kebemik
Joined: 1/4/2009
Msg: 11 (view)
 
Is being a comedian now a requirement for dating?
Posted: 11/2/2009 6:45:47 PM
There is a big difference between wanting your date to be a comedian and wanting your date to be someone you can laugh with. I definitely want to be able to laugh with my date or with just about anyone that I spend a lot of time with. I think most of us are looking for someone who has a similar sense of humor, someone who "gets" the same jokes we do.

It's also nice to be with someone who can deal with a potentially stressful situation with a sense of humor. Imagine that you are at restaurant and her meal arrives in a reasonable time, but yours arrives 20 minutes later. Do you find humor in the situation, do you fly into a rage at the incompetence of the restaurant staff, or do you spend the whole night whining and complaining? I'd rather date the guy who has a sense of humor (and perspective) about the whole thing.
 kebemik
Joined: 1/4/2009
Msg: 15 (view)
 
whats the best way to reject a woman
Posted: 11/2/2009 2:21:27 PM
I think it depends on how many messages you have to deal with. I would much prefer a polite "no thanks" than to be ignored.

If you are swamped with messages, I would suggest restricting your email filters if that might help, or putting something in your profile to politely say that you are swamped with messages and no reply means no interest.

Many here think that read/delete or unread/delete is an answer. I personally feel that is rude, but I don't think it's realistic to expect anyone to answer hundreds or even dozens of emails a day.

Consider yourself lucky! Most guys on here complain about getting no interest and no replies to their email.
 kebemik
Joined: 1/4/2009
Msg: 17 (view)
 
What is it about chivalry?
Posted: 10/16/2009 3:40:50 PM
The difference is in the attitude and intention behind the act. Some men will do this to impress. Some will do it because they think it's the right thing to do. Some will do it out of habit because they've been brought up to do it. These are all good or at least ok reasons.

When a man does it because he is conscious of how it reflects on him, because he thinks that it makes him "look", as opposed to "be" chivalrous, then it's not good. In this case it's all about him.

It's special when a man does it because he cares about a woman and is trying to please her. That's the best reason.

Personally, I like it if we are walking to the car and he opens the door for me. Very nice. But I have to admit that I feel a bit strange if we arrive somewhere in the car and he leaps out to run around the car and open the door for me before I open it for myself. It's not that I don't appreciate it, it just feels odd to me. I am definitely not the type to just sit there waiting for him expectantly as if I were totally helpless and couldn't get the door open myself. (Also, if it's a first date with a total stranger, I prefer to say goodbye in or just outside the restaurant and not be walked to my car.)

So, it's not really about opening or not opening car doors. The attitude I look for is the attitude of caring and concern, being willing to give of himself, being sensitive to the other person. And I hope that he sees that attitude in me, too.
 kebemik
Joined: 1/4/2009
Msg: 18 (view)
 
Email Response - No Attempt To Learn About Me
Posted: 10/16/2009 1:33:26 PM
I like to get questions, too, so I understand your post. But I have also had guys object when I ask them questions, as if I were being snoopy. Some people can be really touchy about questions, especially on certain topics. (No, I don't ask how much money they have. Nor do I ask about their equipment, though they often seem to volunteer information on that topic.)

So it depends on the person. The woman you got no questions from may have just been blasted by some guy for asking a question and now she feels that she did something wrong and is avoiding questions.

In my opinion, if you feel your question is reasonable and the other person doesn't, maybe that's an indicator of a bad match. When it happens to me, I always think "Good thing I didn't waste any more time on this."
 kebemik
Joined: 1/4/2009
Msg: 17 (view)
 
Same profile, different face
Posted: 10/16/2009 4:54:24 AM
Some reasons:
1. They're looking at men's profiles and doing what they do.
2. They copied and pasted.
3. They really do like those things.
4. They can't write.
5. They're new to the site.
6. They know you will only judge them on their picture so they don't bother.

I, too, dislike boring profiles, but I'm sympathetic. I, too, want an open and honest man and I love to laugh. I tried to find an original way to say that, but it's not an easy thing to do.

If a profile consisted of a list of what you most want in a partner and people were completely honest, there would be tons of identical profiles. We all want (men and women) many of the same things.

On the plus side, if you really read profiles, you will know you've got a potential date when you find that original one that speaks to you and stands out from the rest. Think of it as making your search easier by being able to eliminate all the boring cookie cutter people from your list of possibilities.
 kebemik
Joined: 1/4/2009
Msg: 15 (view)
 
Non-drinker a turn off?
Posted: 10/15/2009 5:16:40 PM
First of all, I would be unlikely to order a glass of wine on the first date. But, if for some reason I did, and the man immediately volunteered that he was in AA, it would be the fact that he blurted that out and not the fact that he was in AA, that I would find the most awkward.

If the relationship were developing, I would expect him to bring it up at an appropriate time. Probably sometime after the first date, but before I'd fallen for him. Preferably at a point where it seemed to be a natural part of the conversation. If that opportunity never came up, then I think it would be the gentlemanly thing to do to bring it up deliberately at what seemed an appropriate time.

Think about your question if it were vegetarianism rather than drinking that was the issue. For some people, they might share the same outlook and it would be a welcome shared trait. For others, it might be just an interesting fact about you or maybe a tiny wrinkle or inconvenience in the relationship. For a third group, it might be a real problem. You don't know which group the woman is in until you talk about it.

You also might postpone this discussion until a better time by choosing a restaurant that doesn't serve alcohol for a first date or choosing something besides dinner for a first date.

Best of luck to you!
 kebemik
Joined: 1/4/2009
Msg: 10 (view)
 
What are they here for?
Posted: 10/15/2009 4:53:32 PM
Are you asking for a meet? Men do the disappearing act, too, and I don't get it. I think it's less common, though. I have met several men from this site, but I've also had a couple who seemed VERY eager to meet me in their email, moreso than any of the ones I actually did meet, but as soon as the topic of when and where to meet came up, they became very evasive and had an excuse for every night, would not give me a phone number, and then disappeared.

My theory is that there are several types who do the disappearing act:
1. People who are actually afraid to date. They like the idea of it, but when that first meeting looks like a reality, it terrifies them.
2. People who are married or in other relationships that just want some attention on the net.
3. People who are not who they pretend to be. Either they are men pretending to be women, or really old or really young people pretending to be a different age, or really fat people with fake pictures or something like that. (This is sort of a subset of group 1.)

The best advice I can give is be glad you didn't get involved with someone who is lying or flakey.

I will say, as a woman, that if a man seemed too pushy, I would not want to meet him. But if you have exchanged a few emails and seem to find common ground and seem to have a connection, then I don't know why someone would not want to meet.
 kebemik
Joined: 1/4/2009
Msg: 11 (view)
 
Photo vs About Me (verbiage) relevance...
Posted: 10/15/2009 4:41:36 PM
It depends on whether you are talking about making first contact or responding to a first contact or some other situation. It depends on whether you are asking about getting a response, getting a date, falling in love.

If I get an email, I will read it and look at the profile. So far I have answered all my emails, though I'd make an exception if someone was rude. If I like the email and profile, unless the picture were really awful, my response would be encouraging. If I didn't like the email/profile, I politely say no thanks.

I have only tried making the first contact a couple of times. In that case, I clicked until I saw a picture that I liked, not necessarily gorgeous. Then I read the profile. Bad profile, no contact. Good profile, contact.

I think that because (in general) men are much more concerned with looks, they tend to minimize the importance of a profile. Mistake.

Whether the picture is average or gorgeous, the words can make a huge difference. I have clicked on gorgeous men and was terribly disappointed to see a profile all in caps or written by someone who was practically illiterate. Click to next profile. A man doesn't have to be a poet or a comedian in his profile to impress me, but he does have to come across as genuine, preferably original. A man whose profile says "honest laidback man who works hard and plays hard looking for good-hearted down to earth woman wearing jeans and a tux riding my Harley on the beach in a thunderstorm watching the sunset want to know more just ask" will not interest me because it sounds like 95% of the other profiles out there.
 kebemik
Joined: 1/4/2009
Msg: 30 (view)
 
timeline , phone numbers, and safety
Posted: 10/14/2009 8:55:42 PM
OP, I think it's an excellent bunch of questions. Much better to hear from others and not have to learn from making mistakes. The following is based on my opinion and my experience.

First of all, don't let anyone pressure you into anything that you are not comfortable with. If a man pressures you to do something that makes you uncomfortable, then he is putting what he wants above your comfort. You can expect that to continue if you have a relationship with him.

If he tries to make you feel guilty by using the "Don't you trust me?" line, it's perfectly reasonable to say "not yet." Why should you trust a complete stranger? HE may know that he is trustworthy, but YOU have no way of knowing it. If he is even marginally intelligent, he should be able to understand that. If not, he's not good enough for you.

I don't give out my phone number, but I do call if a man gives me his. The men I've dated on this site have been very accepting of that. I either block my number or I call from work. I wouldn't give my home number because it can be googled for an address.

I don't give out my personal email address but would consider creating a separate account on yahoo just for that.

My goal is to meet someone, not to have endless emails, so after a couple of emails, I want to meet face to face. For that I want a public place where I am comfortable. I generally do not park where he could see me arriving if he is there first. If a man made me uneasy, I would not let him walk me to my car or give any indication as to exactly where I live. No, it's not paranoia. There was one date where that was the case, so I'm glad I took precautions, but most of the men I've met have been perfectly nice.

I think you can tell a lot more after a face to face meeting. I would also mention that some of the worst guys can be the most charming and persuasive. (Yes, some of the best ones are also charming and persuasive, but they will not try to make you feel guilty for taking precautions or moving at a pace you are comfortable with.)

Happy (and safe) Fishing!
 
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