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 Author Thread: Why did being the nice guy become a bad thing?
Joined: 11/22/2015
Msg: 1 (view)
Why did being the nice guy become a bad thing?
Posted: 7/17/2017 1:35:48 PM
Seriously wondering where this all started, where being nice or saying you're nice became synonymous with being spineless and having absolutely no confidence, who let's everyone walk all over you, while secretly being a terrible person.

Why does one single trait have to mean a ton of negative? Why isn't it possible to be nice, but still stand up for yourself? Why can't you be nice and be confident at the same time? This has literally created a reality where if you say you're nice or caring, you're automatically branded as being this terribly undatable person.

Isn't it time, by now, to stop with the excuses for everyone and just call them out on their reality? The "nice guy" wasn't everything you've all labeled him as, he was a liar, that's it. Or he had no confidence. Or he was pathetic. Or he was scared.

Why do we do this? Why do we assume an entire personality by their choice of 1 adjective to describe how they treat other people?
Joined: 11/22/2015
Msg: 223 (view)
being picky vs Lowering your standards
Posted: 6/22/2017 12:59:48 PM
If posting links to profiles wasn't a good way to get banned, I'd show you. But you can do it for yourself, just search women, especially in the bible belt. It's not uncommon for "MUST LOVE CHRIST!" But you won't, and we all know that. To deny that this happens is complete BS.
Joined: 11/22/2015
Msg: 219 (view)
being picky vs Lowering your standards
Posted: 6/19/2017 7:52:45 PM

If a person is childish enough to let who a person votes for be a deal breaker, then so be it. I'm not childish that way and it's never been an issue in a relationship for me.

If you're going to say that, then can we agree that refusing to date someone just because they don't believe in the same god as you is equally as childish? If it's wrong for someone on the left to not want to be with someone who's the polar opposite of a lot of their views that are going to be reflected on how they raise their kids, then it has to also be wrong for someone on the right to not want to date someone who doesn't believe in a god. Again, why is it OK one way, but not the other? Seriously, if you're going to talk so much shit, step up and explain this.

You keep calling us intolerant, but like so many others like you, you completely dodged the whole issue of your hypocrisy. What's wrong, too scared to admit that your side and your religion isn't perfect? Not dating someone because they're not christian is pretty intolerant, along with a shopping list of special treatment people who follow that religion demand while stepping all over everyone else's beliefs.

And develop a chemical dependence to something and come back here and say that it's a choice, like it's that easy.

BTW, you're in no position to be commenting on how these people look.
Joined: 11/22/2015
Msg: 209 (view)
being picky vs Lowering your standards
Posted: 6/16/2017 10:28:18 PM
Please, actually get educated on these topics before you post about them. Those injection places, are medically run. But you clearly can't be bothered to do the research to understand that while yeah, they need rehabilitation, you need to prevent overdoses. You know what someone is going to do when they're going through withdrawal from drugs like that? That's when it's common to "binge" on the drug. It's like the guy struggling with dehydration finally finding water. When you have a chemical dependency, it's not a choice anymore, you can't function without it, literally, if they don't have it, rational thought tends to go away. Their brain is in survival mode, the parts responsible for high level reasoning are shut down. Or we can do it your way, and leave it to the way it is now where overdoses are out of control and people are dying literally because they responsibly took a pain medicine exactly how their doctor prescribed it and fell into a dependence on it, because that's just how it works. That pill your doctor prescribed for your pain, that's heroin, in a pill. There's some chemical differences, but ultimately, they're the same. But don't be bothered to read the millions, yes, literally MILLIONS of studies on addiction and chemical dependence and all those other factors that contributed to why this is a LIFE SAVING IDEA... Just regurgitate what you read on Facebook with absolutely no context. Because your family is perfect, and it'll never be your own kid in that situation, ever....

But anyway, enough with the hypocrisy. So it's wrong to not want to date the kind of person who voted for Trump, because their morals opinions and beliefs that guide how they live their life are reflected by their votes? You know how many profiles I've seen that refuse to date anyone that's not Christian? A belief that's very heavily held by the right???? But that's OK? So, it's fine to not want to date someone because he doesn't share your belief of a god, but it's not ok to not want to date someone because your beliefs and way of life are going to conflict with each other? But it's the left that's intolerant, right? We're not going to get into a political argument, it's fun to argue with smart conservatives, but unfortunately, after reading your post, you're not one of them. You can't argue with ignorance. And it's the same played out lines by all of you Trump crusaders. The right is PERFECT, they shit gold, and every single little problem is all because of the left. Please, princess, leave political arguments for the intelligent, you're making your side look stupid. Plus, just throwing this in there, for common conservative views, you actually had a few candidates that were stronger to your belief, but you voted for entertainment rather than boring politics, for a job in politics. So that plays into it too. It's easier to compromise with a conservative who really understands their views, not what they read on facebook, than it is with someone who honestly believes a wall on the border of Mexico is impossible to just go around, over, or under. You see what I'm getting at? How do you make the compromises required for a healthy relationship with someone who backs the idea that banning people from flying in from a bunch of countries in the middle east, except for specifically the countries that have been responsible for recent terrorist attacks including 9/11 as a solution to deal with an ideology that's recruited our own military members right here at home? One has that analytical thought, the other never thought of "If people from Syria can't go to the US, ISIS can ust recruit people from a European country and send them instead since enough of the world hates us right now." Trump doesn't have solutions, he has entertainment. But all that failure is OK, because at least he's not liberal, because we all know that was the only factor in your vote. That and believing the Fox news hype (because every main stream news source is just for entertainment value and ratings, except for Fox, somehow they're the only exception, they never ever twist the truth) over Hillary and Benghazi investigation 9: The email server that was allowed, by law. Because FOUR AMERICANS, while ignoring the fact that we're still dying in Iraq over oil and a family quarrel...

Now, on topic: There's nothing wrong with not wanting a Trump voter... Because a trump voter is probably fiscally conservative, socially leaning more conservative, strongly religious... What kind of relationship do you see succeeding between that and someone who believes in liberal economics (literally what's responsible for you having the ability to read so that you can read this, btw), someone who believes and supports our tax money being used for programs to help keep Americans on their feet, someone who is religiously more inclusive but might not go to church on Sundays, and doesn't want to send their kids to bible school, maybe not expose them to religion until they're capable of the level of thought to form their own uninfluenced belief? You really think this is a relationship that's going to last? How do you expect home life to be if they have kids? But you never thought of that, did you? You never bothered to think that maybe it's because people who voted for Trump and people who didn't probably have opposite views on a lot of things that just don't work mixed together. Someone that likes to give to charities and someone who prefers to save are going to have fights about how their money is being spent. Or one parent wants their kid to be Christian, the other wants to wait until it's the kid's choice... Do you honestly see no fights happening from this?

So now, go ahead and tell me how that's somehow different than the crap-load of conservatives that refuse to be with someone who's not Christian, because I know you thought of that near the beginning of this post.
Joined: 11/22/2015
Msg: 195 (view)
What's in a number ?
Posted: 6/14/2017 7:04:08 PM

Am I to picky for wanting what I want, truly hope so... If I wanted a measuring tape and someone handed me a ruler I am not going to be a happy camper. Same with a woman I want woman that fits into what compliments me and if she dont fit I am suppose to decide for someone who dont. Tell an adventure, he should be with a homebody see how that works for them.

If life was a movie, no. But reality doesn't agree with that.

Honestly, I'd love to find that girl with a perfectly fit body, great skin, pretty face, smart, genuinely nice, actively making a future for herself, responsible, a real equal... But the reality is that she's married to the guy that got into a stable well paying career in his early 20s, he's barely got any fat and a good amount of muscle, he helps kids on the weekend, loves to work around the house, is a great cook... And unfortunately for you ladies, the opposite is true for you. That guy you want is with my dream girl, and those 2 have no plans of ending that, the reality is you're going to find guys like me.

There's a point where you really gotta understand that what you want just isn't happening, and you need to reassess what's really important. Do you need a girl that's with you 24/7 that likes everything that you like? Or is there actually nothing wrong with being able to climb a mountain with your friends then go home to a girl and have a nice dinner and watch a movie? Dating has become more of a fashion accessory than the companionship that it used to be.

If you have high standards that you can never seem to meet someone that can fill them and is single and interested in you, then yes, you're being too picky. Are you really looking for the girl that compliments you, or are you looking for that dream girl that fits every aspect of your life, and miraculously hasn't already met a guy way better than any of us in this thread will ever be?
Joined: 11/22/2015
Msg: 78 (view)
How do I get women to see passed my current living situation?
Posted: 4/26/2017 11:30:22 AM

Until I meet my goals, I guess my dating life will take a back seat. I'm not having much luck anyways.

Don't give up on dating. You'll learn that A LOT of the girls who expect you to have your own home (you're not even allowed to have roommates with half of them), live at home with their parents themselves. Something you have to understand when it comes to online dating that hot girl that all these guys are talking to, that you know she gets attention offline, there's a reason she's single and can't seem to meet a decent guy. NOBODY on these sites are "god's gift" to dating. Nobody on here is an example of social perfection.

Be happy these girls won't talk to you. Medical bills are a reality of life. If you didn't have them and had your own apartment, what's their plan for 30 years from now when those bills tend to be even more expensive?

You're doing the responsible thing by cutting your living costs as much as you can. If these girls can't understand that, and can't look past it, they're not someone that you ever want to be codependent on for living costs. Their ego, and that image, is more important to them than getting bills paid and staying out of debt.

For money to speed it up, is there any way to get back into trucking? Guessing it might be a medical reason you lost your job, but maybe you can get an exemption and work for a local company.
Joined: 11/22/2015
Msg: 518 (view)
How many of you would date a man with no car or license???
Posted: 4/26/2017 11:05:05 AM

As for them being a genuinely sick person who can't drive, no again. I am not a caregiver or a chauffeur for the disabled. Does that make me a creep? I guess in that context, it does.

Well, princess, luckily for them, they've made it this far on their own or without a car, so they're not looking for a caregiver or chauffeur. They're looking for someone to date, who enjoys their company not their living situation. If he can get there without a car, WTF is the big deal?

Is this REALLY about "I might have to drive us places" or is it about being way more superficial when it comes to relationships?
Joined: 11/22/2015
Msg: 94 (view)
What is Creepy?
Posted: 3/21/2017 9:00:31 PM
I've heard creepy thrown around a lot when a guy likes a girl but she doesn't like him, he's creepy for liking her.
Joined: 11/22/2015
Msg: 23 (view)
Are Women on POF Just Looking For a Ego Boost ?
Posted: 3/5/2017 7:05:15 AM
quoting you but directed to the OP.

Fact is for the women who ARE looking for the right person they soon learn that anything negative is a massive red flag and they learn the hard way to just ignore.

AKA if you're not perfect, you're not good enough for them. Welcome to online dating. Everyone deserves flawless and expects to find it on a dating site, where most of the "normal people" tend to not go to.

Because if you respond with something along the lines of "Thanks for your message but I am not interested - good luck with your search" you just end up getting a barrage of abuse back if you are lucky, endless pathetic pleading for sex if you are not.

And yeah, this does happen, but from knowing girls that have used these sites, not as commonly as some people would make it seem. Well, not as commonly because of the guy. It's not always a response like what she gave. I've been laughed at, I've been told I was too ugly, I've been told I was probably gay, I've been asked why she would ever talk to someone like me... But when we have something to say about that... They run to the forums and make us the bad guy. While it does happen because some guys are jerks, there's more than enough times that the girl brought it on herself. If you choose to act like some of these girls, you have to deal with the fact that some people will get mad at you.
Joined: 11/22/2015
Msg: 39 (view)
When you are at the bottom question.
Posted: 2/26/2017 10:40:39 PM

Thanks, but how will I know if someone would accept a date request in real life?

You don't. But luckily, the worst outcome is that she says no. Being a realist doesn't have to mean it's impossible to date.

Honestly, going by looks, I can guarantee you almost every girl that finds this thread wouldn't date me. Because of going back to school, I've had to give up my own apartment to rent a bedroom, I can promise you that's going to hurt my chances, because I'm a loser to them. But when I'm talking to a girl and try to get a way to get in touch again to talk more and maybe try to get a date going, and she says no... fine. I'm probably never going to see her again. I lost nothing. If I get lucky and she wants to talk more or even date, even better. But the high probability of rejection doesn't stop me from trying anyway. (though more success would be nice... Virginia apparently hates me)

It's not insulting them to show interest. But I get it... I know girls that I'm instantly creepy just because I'm interested in them. I hear girls make fun of guys that thought he was worthy enough to try to talk to them, and know I've been the butt of a lot of jokes. But you want to know something about those girls? The better guys aren't going to be dating them. These are the girls that end up being treated like crap, constantly running back to abusive boyfriends... They end up with 3 kids to 2 different fathers, they somehow survive as "full time mommy" and still expect prince charming. Or if she is offended that someone as unattractive as us wanted to ask her out, #%@! her, if she was so great, she wouldn't be single on a website. Trust me, if you're a decent guy, you're actually doing them a favor by showing interest. Any girl worth dating, she won't have a problem with you being interested, and even if she doesn't want to get to know you, she'll be a respectful adult about it.

Stop worrying. You're trying to protect the egos of people who just don't deserve it
Joined: 11/22/2015
Msg: 13 (view)
If I am not interested in dating you, I also don't want to be friends with you!
Posted: 2/26/2017 10:24:15 PM

Why do I get so many guys who ask if we can still chat/for friendship after I kindly* tell them that (for whatever reason, usually distance) I am not interested in pursuing any romantic connection with them?

Because humans are social animals and if you enjoy talking to someone there's absolutely no reason that you have to stop just because you don't want to date each other.
Joined: 11/22/2015
Msg: 37 (view)
Is it normal to bail on a bad date?
Posted: 2/22/2017 8:37:17 AM

I've learned that it's normal to bail on a date that isn't going well, and isn't rude or ignorant at all. I should've done the same last week when my date went bad. I've never bailed out on a date going bad, but maybe I should in the future. Any escape plan tips?

If you're a 15 year old in high school, yeah, it's normal. As an adult, you should have the sense to just not plan a 2 hour date with someone that you've barely spent any time with until you really now how you're going to get along.

You're doing the right thing by never bailing, you're acting like the grownup that you are. Remember, these people that keep bailing on these dates are the same ones that seem to always be single. Not sure they're the ones who you want to follow. Just keep it short and simple, if you're getting along and want to do more, have a plan.
Joined: 11/22/2015
Msg: 9 (view)
Crush question
Posted: 2/21/2017 4:54:53 AM

Ohh, I thought this was a question about soda pop.

Orange Crush was my favorite.

I liked the design of the bottle, too.

Carry on.

No, you're wrong. Grape is so much better.
Joined: 11/22/2015
Msg: 669 (view)
When women say there are no decent guys is what they really mean...
Posted: 2/20/2017 1:46:55 PM

And then she hits the wall without realizing it all while keeping her standards high. All of a sudden Mr. 95% will pass her by, then Mr. 90% will pass her up, then Mr. 80% will take a pass! Her standards starts to drop and she start reading books about “where all the good men has gone”. Ohh the irony!

Except by this point, we've all moved on. Since she wasn't someone we intended on just being friends with, we probably kept that distance. We'd maybe hang out a little and give being friends a try, but then gave up after she was always "busy" (too busy for us, not for literally everyone else). And then when she hits that point of realizing she's passing up every decent guy so she can keep chasing the losers she's obsessed with, and she expects us to just want to drop everything to give her the chance that she wouldn't give us. But it's too late, we've either found someone better, or just lost interest, or in some of these girl's cases, we know that she's just settling on us, while we're not really what she wants. Either way, we just don't want her anymore.

Then she develops this idea that there's just no decent guys, and that's when they'll start telling their friends every guy sucks, they'll make posts, they'll blog it... because it's easier to blame the decent guys for not waiting around for her than it is to accept that it's her fault she's not with them, because she had the chance, but they weren't good enough.

Don't let your daughters turn into this. Teach her to value who people are, not what they are. I'm sure I'm not the only one that knows too many girls with abusive guys "because they're hot." And if it was possible to slap people through the phone, you know you want to do that and call them stupid every time they complain about the guy. But instead, you're nice, and you don't talk about the 5 other guys that were infinitely better that you watched them just push aside for Mr. "Perfect."

Moral: There's tons of decent guys, actually, decent guys outnumber the jerks by a lot (of course we're all still guys and have to be tough compared to other guys). Dating a decent guy is as simple as just doing that, dating him. The claim of a lack of decent guys exists purely because that specific girl refuses to date them because just like in the post I quoted, they didn't meet every demand on her shopping list, and princess only deserves perfection.
Joined: 11/22/2015
Msg: 270 (view)
Dating Someone That Has Nothing
Posted: 12/20/2016 8:07:50 PM

.....and so, the people who do NOT want to sit at home ALONE, get dressed and go to where people gather, like dance clubs and bars so they can talk to 100s of people and have a chance of finding someone nice. They take massive ACTION to change their situation.

Others join clubs or social groups that meet on weekends in the daylight hours or on weeknights.

Others will TELL THEIR FRIENDS AND FAMILY to hook them up.

And you think we don't try? Life happens. Some of us just aren't hot. Know how many girls I have come up to me at the bar and do everything but just come out and say she wants to come home and ride me? ZERO!

Until you're one of the ugly ones, you're not going to understand our frustration, that commonly leads to periods of just being completely turned off to dating, even if a girl wants to.

I can't force a girl to like me. If I get her talking, I can do great... But when it's between me and that guy with a perfectly proportional face, which one do you think she's going to blow off and which one do you think she's going to talk to? This doesn't stop us from trying, this is just the typical outcome of us trying. So this is why we have no sympathy for situations like either the OPs or the people complaining about how they wouldn't date someone that has nothing. You created your dating problems, we were born with ours.
Joined: 11/22/2015
Msg: 259 (view)
Dating Someone That Has Nothing
Posted: 12/14/2016 12:43:48 PM

As a woman, I understand the housework is work. But working outside of the house, in a big or small company, you have lots of stress sometimes too. And when unfortunately you lose your job, and your partner never works outside, it would be very worrisome, very depressing.

Most people or no one want to work so hard for some looser, bummer, couch potato who does nothing to contribute to the life they share together. That is too much of a burden.

More do than you'd think.

There's a reality that exists where people tend to date because they like the other person, not so that they can have help supporting themselves. They don't see these people as a burden, they see them as the person they love and want to be with.
Joined: 11/22/2015
Msg: 57 (view)
Why is it so hard to get conversation from some men?
Posted: 12/8/2016 11:57:13 PM
So, you're on a website that acts as a crutch to a huge number of people who are pretty much incapable of talking to the opposite sex in person, but expect them to write you this amazing first message?

If everyone on these sites could articulate as well as you expect them to, none of us would be here. Unless you live the most sheltered life ever, it's impossible to not find people you're interested in. You have to go to stores, you probably go to work, you're out in public all the time.

Here's the bigger question, why aren't you able to cause them to want to say more?
Joined: 11/22/2015
Msg: 27 (view)
Phukking TATTOOS!!!
Posted: 12/8/2016 11:48:17 PM

HOWEVER... *IF* I ever decide I want to go for another LTR or (Heaven FORBID!!!) "RE-MARRY", then I utterly REFUSE to deal with, accept, tolerate, or whatever new PC word or phrase anyone wants to use to describe my outright rejection of "Pre-Made CHIlDREN," "Tramp Art" or "Outrageous Piercings."

There's a PC phrase to describe how you're acting?

Really, it seems like you're acting like a 5 year old that just got a new Xbox One, but it's not good enough because it's not the One S... Actually, nevermind, the 5 year old probably whines less.

Here's the thing... You expect them to accept you for who you are? Well the crapload of all of us out there with any tattoos, that's who we are. They don't define us, but they describe us. You call it destroying their body, but that's not how they see it.

Maybe you need to realize that you're in no place to be judging people. Especially with a profile to eat a girl out... You're the exact person that I have to prove that I'm not when it comes to dating, and honestly, it's exhausting. Plus, you seriously have the creepiest profile I've ever seen. There's no way you're getting any form of the success you think you are... Unless, ofc, it's the fake profile "go to this website" profiles on here. I'd honestly be afraid of you if I was a girl.

At your age, a single mother with no tattoos and no piercings is going to be rare, but they're out there. But the way you're talking about people who have made some choices you don't like, I'd be really surprised if a girl actually wanted to stick around until marriage anyway, so don't worry, you don't have to marry them, because they wouldn't touch you. They're going to save themselves and their "tramp art" for someone who actually knows how to treat a woman.

You don't have to agree with what they do, but you're in no place to be judging these girls that decide they want a tattoo.
Joined: 11/22/2015
Msg: 18 (view)
Phukking TATTOOS!!!
Posted: 12/8/2016 1:00:43 PM

Obviously not, since they keep hitting my inbox.

No. On the page to send a message, where it says "To:" you're supposed to put THEIR user name, not yours.
Joined: 11/22/2015
Msg: 246 (view)
Dating Someone That Has Nothing
Posted: 12/7/2016 8:57:14 PM

What do you do for money? How would you contribute to a relationship. It's hard enough to keep my own mouth fed and a roof over my head, let alone another one.

Are you looking for love or support?

I wish my dating problems could be as petty as all of these people's.

Just remember something, while you're all ****ing in all of these threads that he doesn't make enough money, doesn't have his own car, lives with roommates, etc., there's people like me who literally nobody is interested in dating and hasn't really been for well over a year so far. You think YOU have it hard? Know what I'm doing Friday night? The same thing I did yesterday, tonight, tomorrow, most of next week, and literally the last 15 months of my life... Sitting home ALONE. But all of you keep talking about how hard it is that some guy wants to date you but he's temporarily unemployed, or living at home still to save money... I REALLY feel bad for you being held back by your superficial demands of what it takes to date you.

Give it a f'n rest already! Do you like the guy? Then date him. Don't like him? Don't date him. That's literally all you need.

Getting so old hearing about all these made up dating problems that you just create for yourself. There's nothing hard about your dating life. If you want to be together, you'll do what millions of other people do, you'll make it work. Enough with these threads. Know why you're not meeting decent guys who have jobs and support themselves? Because you CHOOSE not to.
Joined: 11/22/2015
Msg: 42 (view)
Why is it so hard to get conversation from some men?
Posted: 12/6/2016 12:00:27 AM

Lets get honest: because men play this numbers game we literally have thousands of potentials to choose from, so why bother with the ones that can't put a paragraph together? They don't want to waste their time? Fine, I won't either with a response then, I'll just move on to another one of the thousands of potentials.

And eventually you'll run out, be stuck still single on here, wondering why you can't seem to meet a good guy. We all know that story.

Here's the thing. Yeah, we don't want to waste the effort getting no response, when that's time that can be spent on someone that actually wants to talk to us.

Want better first messages? Then answer them. Give men a reason to put that effort into you. Don't want us to treat you like a waste of our time??? Then don't be one. Problem solved. But if all of you want to keep pretending most guys don't even exist, then it's stupid to expect them to write this engaging first message when you're just going to look at their pictures and decide they're not worth talking to.

You want to be picky about who you actually respond to, but then expect the majority that you'd never say a word to to take the time to send you this perfect message. That's not how the real world works, princess. Take responsibility for your experiences here. These sites work the way they do because of how everyone approaches them. Men play the numbers game because so few of you are willing to respond. Why send a few messages and then wait a week for an empty inbox instead of trying to talk to people we're interested in? Should I, someone you have no interest in dating, be limiting myself to waiting to see if you want to talk to me, or should I be trying to talk to other people?

Women collectively have the ability to change this. But oh no... Someone might type mean things that you don't have to read.
Joined: 11/22/2015
Msg: 29 (view)
How do you really know when a guy is lying? cheating?
Posted: 12/5/2016 9:53:06 PM

Once a cheater, always a cheater. Its true. Or at least the capability of.

People don't change, they get smarter, learn from their mistakes, and stop getting caught.
Joined: 11/22/2015
Msg: 10 (view)
you should report back what happened
Posted: 12/2/2016 8:32:01 PM

^^ I think it says " the legs have it "

You two couldn't be any more wrong. It's clearly Thel Egsha veit

Thel is a character in a book, where a woman named thel who fears life because of death. Egsha is a misspelling of Egsa, an old English word which means fear. And Veit is French for Quick.

Thels fear was to live because you have to die.

So, basically, her name is a creative way of saying "quick death."
Joined: 11/22/2015
Msg: 645 (view)
When women say there are no decentguys is what they really mean...
Posted: 12/2/2016 7:42:33 PM
Or the decline in service is the refusal to want to go to war over oil? At one time, you joined the military to defend this country... Today, it's to be a pawn in business politics.
Joined: 11/22/2015
Msg: 31 (view)
Disgusting comments. Gotta watch what you say.
Posted: 12/2/2016 5:11:24 PM
Or he lives in any somewhat urban area where it's actually easier to walk or take a bus to where you're going than deal with the traffic driving, where people typically live with roommates thanks to the separation between pay and rent. But where does common sense belong in this... If he's not rich, he's a loser.

So many of you would NEVER last in a place like NYC.

Anyway, OP... If she's complaining because you don't have a car... Just remember, if she's so great, how come she's single too?
Joined: 11/22/2015
Msg: 9 (view)
Am I too busy for a relationship?
Posted: 11/29/2016 1:05:05 PM
There is no such thing as being too busy to date. Nobody is too busy to send a simple 5 second text saying that you're at work. You don't go through your work and school day with absolutely zero breaks where you'd be able to respond to someone while you're eating your lunch. Even your surprise project at school, just a simple text before you start?

Ultimately, you made the choice to not talk to them. You're not too busy to not keep them in the dark, NOBODY is.
Joined: 11/22/2015
Msg: 27 (view)
he says he loves you, lol
Posted: 11/29/2016 12:56:19 PM

The second step is to stop looking at their hot body and ignoring behavior as a result. Listen to the stories of what they've done repeatedly in the past.

This pretty much sums it up. It's not that hard to know that something is up.

Are they working a ton of overtime but you two aren't gaining any extra money? Does "work" have them traveling and living in hotels while it's close enough to drive home every night? Are you being avoided at consistent times regularly? Does he refuse to ever involve you when he's out with any girls he's friends with? Does he turn his phone away from you when he's texting certain people?

All you have to do is pay attention. Catching anyone showing a high liklihood of cheating is easy. You're with these people almost every day, you should be able to tell when they're not acting right and hiding something.
Joined: 11/22/2015
Msg: 76 (view)
when you say your not interested?
Posted: 11/23/2016 8:07:30 PM

Everyone has different experiences. Mine are far from anything that would make me hate or loathe men in general enough to be able to say the sorts of things that have been said about them in this thread and others. Yes there are nasty people out there but to my mind you just simply walk away and remove them from your life. Its not always easy but it is that simple.

And this is the biggest thing I don't get. So if someone rejects someone and he replies with something mean, is someone holding a gun to the back of her head forcing her to read the next message? When she sees that it's really agressive, can't she just stop reading it?

I don't get the inability to just walk away when it gets that bad. If you don't want the confrontation, you're 100% in control of if you have to have it or not.
Joined: 11/22/2015
Msg: 68 (view)
getting jerked off
Posted: 11/22/2016 2:25:15 PM

Yeah, I was always perplexed with that in my younger 20s, seeing that periodically of friends of friends. A gal would be dating some guy who's kind of a loser and not a great BF by any stretch, and such situations wouldn't be a one-time dating scenario for her. Meanwhile she passes over the nicer guys when complaining guys are jerks -- as she doesn't count Them because they're off her radar for attraction.

And this was kind of the whole point.

Everyone can twist it however they want, but there's a reason that these girls keep picking the same type of guy over and over. It's the fact that they're PICKING that guy. It's their choice. Nobody forced them to do it. They had the option of not being with him.

It's the same thing with the other guys. Nobody is forcing these girls to not talk to them. Nobody is saying they're not allowed to give these guys a chance and date them. They're not going for these guys for the sole reason of they don't want to.

Ultimately, it was their choices. And I was questioning the change from "I don't want to even acknowledge you exist" to "take me on a date tonight!" Are we what you've been looking for throughout all your dating, or are we just what you're settling on because Mr tall dark and handsome doesn't want you anymore? Regardless of what you want to say, the girls in these situations make the CHOICE to start giving the guys that have been overlooked the chance... But how sincere is she in that decision?
Joined: 11/22/2015
Msg: 64 (view)
when you say your not interested?
Posted: 11/22/2016 10:58:11 AM

So are you saying that having a cleavage and wearing stockings is licence for men to act like morons?

No. But you also don't go into the shark tank at the aquarium and act surprised when a shark bites you.

I'm not defending guys who act like that, but you can do things to avoid these situations. And that's way more than "an inch of cleavage." One little hop and they'd probably fall out. You're not leaving much to the imagination. What are we, maybe an inch from seeing what you're wearing under that skirt? So it shouldn't be any surprise that guys are trying to bang you.

You know that saying "dress for the job you want, not the job you have?" Well it kind of applies to dating, too. Be the person that the decent guys want to bother with and you'll have a completely different experience. Show off your boobs, tease guys with just missing seeing what they're looking for, and you're going to attract the guys that just want to see.
Joined: 11/22/2015
Msg: 593 (view)
When women say there are no decent guys is what they really mean...
Posted: 11/20/2016 3:35:02 PM

Intelligent mature people seek commonality. The only thing men my age want a 20 year old for is sex. Period.

I don't know... as time goes on, I'm more and more willing to go younger. I've lost count of how many girls I've talked to who are "done having fun," or "done just dating the guys they want to sleep with," or "it's time to settle down." We don't want to be your consolation prize when everyone that was so much better didn't work out. I don't want to date someone who already thinks I'm boring, or less exciting to date. We want to be the type of guy you've been looking for, and when you're dating a loser, you moved on rather than giving it an extra 2 or 3 years after just to make sure he stays that bad. Basically, we're looking to be your first choice, that you just haven't found, rather than be your 30th choice because the other 29 that were better just didn't work out.

It's not that all these guys just want sex. It's that guys want to matter too. They want a girl who wants them, not just stability. Basically, it's just seeming like more and more of a chance that someone younger will be more sincere.

Stop assuming everything about all guys.
Joined: 11/22/2015
Msg: 46 (view)
when you say your not interested?
Posted: 11/20/2016 2:57:40 PM
Let's ask some questions:

Are you looking for two different things because they specifically said they just want sex or something short term, or did they make the mistake of using a phrase like "hang out" which a bunch of online twits decided it means "Lets go back to my house and **** all night?"

The biggest problem is that so much rejection because the other person isn't looking for something serious is based on assumption. Do you know 10000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000% FOR A FACT that they don't want something serious, or are you just assuming because they said something that wasn't perfect? Maybe it's a debate because you actually ARE looking for the same thing?

And on the angry rejections... More times than not, it's because of what you said, not that you're not interested. What if I was standing next to you in public and said hi, and you just responded with "sorry, not interested?" Pretty rude, isn't it? If you're going to respond, respond like a person that's socially competent. You can reject them in that first message, it's easy, but put yourself in their position before pushing send. Does it seem like it could come off as mean? If yes, you probably want to reword it. It's typically a good idea to not blame the guy, also. There's a difference between preferring taller, and him being too short. You can prefer someone to share in fitness without someone being too fat. Occasionally some guy is going to be a jerk, but when it's THAT repetitive, the common element is you.
Joined: 11/22/2015
Msg: 576 (view)
When women say there are no decent guys is what they really mean...
Posted: 11/7/2016 8:42:30 PM

? Women take full accountability, for dating whom they prefer, and living with the results, just as men have to. But keep playing the victim because you cannot garner the desired attention of your targets.

Not when they're complaining that there's no good guys! If ANYONE is ever at the point of thinking that there's no good guys worth dating, maybe the problem isn't the guys. But we're the one's that get blamed. We're all pigs, we all only want sex. That couldn't be any farther from true, that's just what you're picking. Dating a good guy is as simple as just dating a good guy. Make smarter choices. Good people come in every level of attractiveness, every body type, every hair color, every eye color, every height, every financial class... Just stop dating the losers, it's literally that easy.

Stupid choices is a lame retort. Nobody knows the choice is a bad one till it plays out. It's not like a person has a sign with lights"bad choice, gonna get hurt".

Except half the time with these guys, everyone else but her sees it. When their life story just doesn't add up, you're being played. When they act arrogant towards everyone else, they are. If he's acting like the typical white trash with a long list of arrests, that's probably because that's exactly who he is. Stop thinking about getting him back home and jumping his bone and maybe you'll see the blatantly obvious lies. I had a post about this up, but it got deleted, probably because the brilliant minds here, like yourself, thought it was complaining about a lack of dating, when really it was a observational post about the current state of dating in our society and whether or not we really are looking for a relationship vs just hot wild sex (Both men and women).

I don't care if any particular girl ever wants to date me. If you don't want to, you don't want to. But don't tell me that I'm a pig just because you choose to date losers who just want to get you in bed. YOU are the one who picked those guys, now be a grown up and learn from your mistake rather than blame everyone else but yourself for the choices that you made.
Joined: 11/22/2015
Msg: 35 (view)
Excuses, excuses
Posted: 9/2/2016 7:28:46 PM
So, you know how on the internet, there's that saying that "girl" is an acronym for "guy in real life?" OP, I think you stumbled on an example of that.
Joined: 11/22/2015
Msg: 45 (view)
Now you're done with the jerks?
Posted: 8/5/2016 11:25:03 AM

You have a lot to offer, and by the time you are 40 you will be making really good money. If you meet another nurse, the two of you will have a terrific lifestyle and the freedom to live wherever you want and raise a nice family. Keep your eyes on the prize and forget the chicks that already ruined their lives by poor choices.

I already know all this. It's not really what I'm questioning, though. This thread kind of got a little out of hand once one person misunderstood it.

Think of it like this, pretend you're 200lbs, and there's this huge list of guys that have completely no interest in dating you because of your weight. But then you lose that weight. Now you're thin, you have a really fit body, and now guys want to date you. It's a little hard to not make the connection that it was about looks that whole time.

I'm questioning a similar idea. I was not what these girls wanted, at all. Suddenly, now that I'm getting into nursing school, have a well paying fall-back career I can go to, and really have my life, now these same girls want to know me. Am I really wrong to be questioning whether she likes me or my life? Are any guys in this situation wrong to question it?

Sorry that we're not willing to be used because she's hot and has a couple holes we can put it in. Maybe we just want to know that the person we put the effort into wants to put that effort into US, not just what she can gain.

But I forgot, I'm a guy, so it's whining about not being able to get a date, when really it's questioning if someone is even worth dating.
Joined: 11/22/2015
Msg: 1 (view)
Now you're done with the jerks?
Posted: 7/31/2016 9:34:08 AM
So I was thinking about the thread in the relationships forums questioning about why it's hard to meet anyone, and it got me thinking about my own experience in life. That got me looking around to see if other people agree with my opinion on dating today, and I found this:

Now, I've always been the guy who has anyone who I see as a friend's back, I cook for my friends, I'll usually try to involve them in whatever I want to do, I'm more passive until I'm actually pissed, I tend to be more quiet, I'll give anyone chance and even overlook a couple messed up choices... Basically, the exact opposite of a dbag. So I can relate. We've been through this way more than enough times to understand where and why a lot of people see that type of personality as a weakness, this isn't about that. This is about the girl that article is to, from that perspective of we don't want you anymore...

Stuff like this gets me curious... I'm looking for the women's input on this. So these girls who wanted nothing to do with me, they'd rather date the guy who spends so much time in the gym that he starves his brain of oxygen and is just completely dumb, or be with people that the only thing in their life that they have to brag about is how much they just spent at the bar that night, or has to have the fast car, or is constantly ready to pick a fight with someone, you know those girls that keep going for that guy, that now suddenly, when they're in their 30s, with a couple kids, a crappy job, now they want a guy like me.... Why?

My first thought has always been that I'd kind of the be consolation prize to them. That everyone that was so much better didn't work out, but I'm stable and their life is a disaster. So it's not so much about wanting me, but they want what I can offer. And that's where I kind of agree with the guy who wrote that story... If I'm willing to be used for my money and a stable life, I'm going to pick the younger girl without kids that looks way better naked.

Am I wrong thinking like this; that these girls aren't really into me personally, but that they've completely ruined their life and now they need someone to fix it for them, or should I trust that these girls really do sincerely want me in their life now?

What are we supposed to think when the same girls who we so too good for us that they wouldn't even say hi back to us are suddenly claiming we're exactly what they want? What's going on in the women's head on this? How are they seeing the situation at the time?
Joined: 11/22/2015
Msg: 708 (view)
Genital Herpes
Posted: 7/18/2016 4:27:19 PM

Why is there not a cure for it by now?

Because the odds greatly favor that you and almost everyone else in this thread has some form of herpes (some estimates say up to about 90% of the population). And then most people who have it will never show a single symptom of it their entire life. A cure for it isn't really a high priority because extreme outbreaks are the exception to the rule. To pretty much everyone, it's only MAYBE an occasional minor inconvenience, but most likely asymptomatic for their entire life.
Joined: 11/22/2015
Msg: 472 (view)
Why is it so hard to meet someone? ... gotta look in the right place.
Posted: 7/18/2016 4:15:51 PM
Anyone else having the pages on this thread REALLY messed up?
Joined: 11/22/2015
Msg: 5 (view)
anything to read between the lust from this?
Posted: 7/14/2016 1:30:08 PM

The trick is to accept it as part of the game, and move on without getting all bent about it. If nothing else, women will respect you more for that. And btw… how interesting was her friend…?

And what helps, is you're going to think about how great this girl is, how much she's like the type of person you want to date, maybe you can never get her off your mind. But that's happened before, and eventually, you either got over it, or you met someone that was even better. Don't get too caught up on one person. Since perfection doesn't exist, you're always going to find someone just as good or better. If she has a boyfriend, then that's the end of it. You can still be friends, the reasons you're into her now are going to be the reasons that she's a great friend once you're over her... but don't hold your breath waiting for her to want to date you.

my only concern now is not making it awkward and assuring that she does introduce me to her friend... and i get the feeling that these two are closely related. ;)

It's only awkward if you make it awkward. I've asked girls out then worked with them for the next year. Some I'm still friends with today. Just act normal, just dial back the flirting.
Joined: 11/22/2015
Msg: 27 (view)
What personal event changed your outlook on love?
Posted: 7/14/2016 12:53:30 PM
For me, it was actually really recently, moving out of NJ.

I came down here, finally, and I'm only just starting to make friends around here and be able to get out of the house. It took a couple months while I was getting settled... It kind of gave me a huge kick in the ass... I'm alone right now, and every day for the last 4 months, and who knows how long looking forward because I didn't want to be serious with some really awesome girls in the past. If I was, she might have been with me right now. I liked being single too much. I didn't want love, I didn't want any long term commitment. I was from an area where you'll never run out of people to talk to, but that's not really the case down here... I don't fit in, so it adds a big challenge to that. I'm not making that mistake again. Next girl that's worth it, I'm sticking with.
Joined: 11/22/2015
Msg: 2 (view)
anything to read between the line from this?
Posted: 7/14/2016 12:39:48 PM
Well, she has a boyfriend for a reason... He's the one she wants to be with.

I've been in your place before, and it sucks. But you just have to accept it. If she wanted to be with you, there wouldn't be a boyfriend.

Not saying things can't change, but right now, you're just friends. You're not going to be anything more. Or her friend is single and that's why she wants you two to meet.

There's nothing there, I'd move on.
Joined: 11/22/2015
Msg: 1 (view)
Has OLD gone stale?
Posted: 7/14/2016 8:40:05 AM
Just wondering. I remember back when I was talking to people that seemed awesome, like this really great girl, but never knew for sure because they'd just vanish without a word. But lately, it's kind of the opposite. Way more people are willing to talk to me, but there's just nothing to them. It's 1 word messages, it's pretty much me doing the talking. Too many aren't working or are clearly looking for someone to raise their kids.

I've always had the opinion that there's a reason that every one of us are here, but I remember people being a lot more engaging when you can actually get them to talk, and they had way better conversation skills than my cat does... It actually seems more exciting to sit home alone than hang out with them.

Anyone else noticing a huge drop in quality on sites like this in just over the last couple months?
Joined: 11/22/2015
Msg: 243 (view)
Why is it so hard to meet someone?
Posted: 7/9/2016 6:22:55 AM

- The problem with the so called "nice guys" is, they have social issues - that's all it amounts to. They don't understand people and women well enough.

And this is exactly what I was talking about. Every potentially positive trait comes with a stigma. There's tons of guys that are "nice" and even call themselves nice and they're complete socially competent. According to POF forums, these guys should be struggling, but instead tons of them are happily married. Just MAYBE the problem isn't them, but it's the people who use their positive traits as an excuse to want nothing to do with them... Because that's all these forums are, excuses.

If you have options of who to date, but can't find someone worth dating, the problem is probably you. If you want a certain type of guy, then stop wasting your time on losers and give that guy the chance. Most people aren't ***holes that are going to try to take you away from a boyfriend, you're causing all your own dating problems. You're picking these guys that are clearly the opposite of what you want, staying with them, getting passed over by better guys because you're taken, eventually Mr. perfect doesn't work out, you break up, and now you're single wondering why you can't meet anyone and flirting with another guy who is clearly a**** but you're overlooking all the obvious signs because "he's so hot." Meanwhile, you're doing a great job of killing any decent guy's interest in you because you're dumb, and most decent guys want a girl who can use her brain.

You girls want real things to complain about in dating? Try picking a girl up and then finding out that you were just her ride to her real date. Try being told to your face that a girl can get someone way better looking than you, great way and reason to end it... Or what about when it works out, have to deal with insane jealousy issues from other people, where you're getting threats, you're dealing with things you'd think you'd only see in a soap opera? Yeah, I have no sympathy for a hot girl who has her choice in guys never being able to meet a decent one. You're kind of the one who makes the call on who gets to date you, make better choices.
Joined: 11/22/2015
Msg: 69 (view)
Curious to know about astrology
Posted: 6/18/2016 7:09:26 PM

Actually, they don't.
If fact, some twins separated at birth end up with fairly identical lives.

The words of someone who's obviously never known a set of twins...
Joined: 11/22/2015
Msg: 60 (view)
Curious to know about astrology
Posted: 6/13/2016 3:49:46 PM
Let's end this... If astrology is true, how come twins can have completely opposite personalities and habits, and are attracted to people born during "opposing" times of the year, if they're supposed to all share these similar traits? How come two different people born at the same exact time haven't been interviewed to try to prove that they're the same exact type of person?

If there was ANY truth to astrology, it would be proven already... but there isn't.
Joined: 11/22/2015
Msg: 43 (view)
nasty messages
Posted: 6/6/2016 8:41:46 PM
Judging from what people say on these forums, I'm willing to bet at least 1/2 of the responses like that to a rejection was their own fault.

A good general rule to follow is "Would you say it to your mother?" If no, then you probably shouldn't say it here, because some people might take offense and fight back. Also, there's a difference between me not being attracted to a girl, and the girl being too big. Some of you need to learn this difference.

And also understand the BS that guys get. I've been rejected based on:
"If we get serious, you're probably too small for me."
"I said only hot guys."
"You should go die in a ditch."
"Why would I talk to you?"

So, lucky you... You only get these kind of messages because because you made the conscious choice to not talk to someone. We get these kind of replies for being stupid enough to say hi to a girl.
Joined: 11/22/2015
Msg: 31 (view)
To talk or not to talk on the phone before meeting up/date
Posted: 5/29/2016 7:05:37 AM

I would want to hear a guy's voice before I met up. It is important to me and if I dont like it, then I dont bother to meet up.

Yet so many people attack the guy who makes the thread about women being too picky... On this site, I'm really starting to think it's an extremely accurate observation.

ANYWAY... The problem with the phone obsession is that it doesn't actually tell you anything about the other person. You could say that someone who won't talk on the phone is hiding something, but someone who is great at talking on the phone can have his negatives too, like being able to talk you into anything...

Whether or not you talk on the phone first is only a personal preference. If you do or don't has absolutely no outcome on how your first date will go (unless you're like the person I quoted, where your voice is more than enough reason for her to change her mind about meeting you). It's just another case of "if he says he's nice, he's really a jerk." You're just making random decisions based on a fact that has nothing to do with the outcome. Do what you want, that's the only right answer... But if you're still single in 4 years because you keep dumping guys because they don't have this perfect voice, or they didn't carry on this amazing conversation the first time you've ever talked in real-time, you can't blame the guys for you being single.
Joined: 11/22/2015
Msg: 61 (view)
messages from men
Posted: 5/20/2016 7:45:43 PM

I've come to believe that just a few rare times have my first messages have ever been read. That I've been a victim of a blanket deletion too many times. It's easy to think that some women that get dozens of new messages, pick out a few that they have actually contacted, answer those, and dump the rest.

And this is what a lot of women need to understand when it comes to the expectation that every guy sends them this first message tailored specifically to them....

Look at it from the guy's perspective. You can put that extra effort messaging the girl who doesn't even read your message, or you can put that extra effort into someone who's actually responding to you and having a conversation. Which one makes more sense to actually put effort into?
Joined: 11/22/2015
Msg: 225 (view)
A man and his car...
Posted: 5/10/2016 6:53:48 PM

If I showed up in a poor exterior condition 1969 Chevrolet Camaro with a Rat 502 under the hood, would you really give a shit?

If it looks ugly, that's what they care about. When I had a Fiero (lost my second one in September /cry), those 2 cars got me a few girls, because they think I have a great car. It looks fast, it sounded like it should be fast, it could EASILY beat someone in a race if I was the only one racing, it was in the shop every couple weeks because it kept breaking... But it was what was on the outside that mattered.
Joined: 11/22/2015
Msg: 30 (view)
Where only beautiful people can have a profile
Posted: 5/6/2016 10:09:57 AM
I tried the site too... Still have 31 hours to go, but it seems like I doubt myself WAY too much.
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