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 Author Thread: Did I overreact?
 PirateJohn09
Joined: 1/7/2009
Msg: 17 (view)
 
Did I overreact?
Posted: 7/12/2016 6:41:43 PM
Reminds me of the Seinfeld episode... Is your name Dolores?
 PirateJohn09
Joined: 1/7/2009
Msg: 83 (view)
 
Do you really want a THUG?
Posted: 7/8/2016 1:23:37 PM

but hell if a woman wants a guy who's in the streets or spends most of his time locked up, that's on her.

Hehe, one of my guilty pleasures is watching shows like Lockup that talks about what prisons are like. One time they were interviewing the girlfriend of a felon, and she said something to the effect of, "well, he's only had three felonies int he last five years, so he's doing a lot better."

I damn near fell out of my seat laughing.
 PirateJohn09
Joined: 1/7/2009
Msg: 21 (view)
 
What is wrong with my conversations?
Posted: 7/8/2016 1:18:48 PM
Impossible to know what is going through other people's heads. I was among a group of people last weekend and we were all just chatting about random things. A woman near me was in the Air Force and I'm a vet so I was interested in hearing about that. At some point she mentioned that she had been to Cairo, and when I asked what sorts of things she did there, she just suddenly yelled, "that's none of your business!"

*shrug*

All you can do is just keep doing your thing.
 PirateJohn09
Joined: 1/7/2009
Msg: 81 (view)
 
4 words that can ruin a date (for fun)
Posted: 7/8/2016 1:13:08 PM
Ooh, that chick's hot!
 PirateJohn09
Joined: 1/7/2009
Msg: 94 (view)
 
Meet Me / Transgender??!!??
Posted: 7/1/2016 10:01:14 PM
I don't think a person is closed-minded just because they would not date a transgender person. A person is entitled to their preferences for whom they have relationships with. Just because I would not personally be in a relationship with someone doesn't mean that I think there is anything wrong with them.
 PirateJohn09
Joined: 1/7/2009
Msg: 15 (view)
 
Not really on point
Posted: 6/27/2016 4:54:25 PM
I met my first girlfriend when I was 34. When I was 35 I met the woman I would marry.
 PirateJohn09
Joined: 1/7/2009
Msg: 120 (view)
 
What Do You Do When You Can't Be With The One?
Posted: 6/20/2016 6:36:45 PM

Did the so-called "awesome" guy ever explain how having a "yes" attitude to the present moment worked FOR the Jews sent to the Nazi gas chambers, or FOR the virgins tossed into the volcanoes by the Aztecs, rather than against them?

Accepting the present doesn't mean you have to think that the present situation is a good thing. It simply means that you have to accept that the moment is what it is. You can't work to change the future if you are in denial about the present.

{quote]Why is we never see the headline, "Self-Help Guru Wins Nobel Peace Prize"?
You mean like the Dalai Lama? He has published a lot of self-help books including The Art of Happiness.
 PirateJohn09
Joined: 1/7/2009
Msg: 53 (view)
 
Woman who is attached to her Dog too much? Was dumping her was a ideal situation?
Posted: 6/3/2016 10:34:45 AM

So what did he have to say about the matter?

I think it was something along the lines of "woof woof."
 PirateJohn09
Joined: 1/7/2009
Msg: 78 (view)
 
No Dinner
Posted: 6/3/2016 10:32:15 AM

How could anyone sit with a totally stranger and have dinner that you most likely never see again?

Probably because I like food.
 PirateJohn09
Joined: 1/7/2009
Msg: 17 (view)
 
Do I Really Want to Date Again?
Posted: 6/3/2016 10:19:24 AM
Binge-grieve... Interesting way of putting it. :)

I suppose I went through something like that when I moved away from the apartment we had lived in together. I had to go through all of her things and decide what to keep, what to donate, and what to throw away. I suppose I took about three or four months to box everything up because I'd work for about an hour and just get so choked up I couldn't keep going.
 PirateJohn09
Joined: 1/7/2009
Msg: 136 (view)
 
Sweet guy, low income OR abusive guy, high income
Posted: 5/11/2016 8:47:03 PM
For the life of me, I will never understand the mentality behind the "would-you-rather-pick-A-or-B" posts. Here's the beautiful thing: the world isn't so neatly split up into two groups of people. I want the whole package and I won't settle for less. I'd rather stay single than settle for something less than what I want.
 PirateJohn09
Joined: 1/7/2009
Msg: 135 (view)
 
Sweet guy, low income OR abusive guy, high income
Posted: 5/11/2016 8:45:18 PM

That's why this whole hard and fast rule of NEVER EVER dating somebody who hasn't been divorced for at least 5 years or some such thing really shouldn't be taken too seriously.

Heck, when I met my wife she hadn't even yet officially filed for divorce from her ex and had only been separated for about five or six months. We moved in together four months later and got married a year and a half after that.
 PirateJohn09
Joined: 1/7/2009
Msg: 70 (view)
 
What Do You Do When You Can't Be With The One?
Posted: 5/11/2016 8:38:54 PM

How can you possibly say whether she was the one for him?

Because if she was, they'd still be together. A lot of people say "she's the one," but don't realize that "the one" is going to be the person who reciprocates.
 PirateJohn09
Joined: 1/7/2009
Msg: 12 (view)
 
Do I Really Want to Date Again?
Posted: 5/10/2016 5:54:50 PM
I did join a group of widows/widowers on Meetup once, but they have only actually met once that I've seen. Had a good time -- we met at a Marie Callendar's on Valentine's Day.
 PirateJohn09
Joined: 1/7/2009
Msg: 77 (view)
 
what do marriage minded men in their 30s want?
Posted: 5/8/2016 9:09:59 PM
What on earth does "marriage minded" even mean? If you're "marriage minded" and you haven't found someone yet, you're going about this completely the wrong way.
 PirateJohn09
Joined: 1/7/2009
Msg: 58 (view)
 
What Do You Do When You Can't Be With The One?
Posted: 5/7/2016 12:21:12 PM
I'm sure she was special. But she wasn't the one.
 PirateJohn09
Joined: 1/7/2009
Msg: 255 (view)
 
Are men on here really interested in marriage
Posted: 5/7/2016 12:09:25 PM

MY future husband will think everything I am or do is wonderful.

Nah. He'll think *you're* wonderful, and because of that will put up with the stuff he doesn't like.

I have always said that you should never get married to someone unless and until you can rattle off, without pause, ten things about them that seriously pi$$ you off, and yet you still want to be with them.
 PirateJohn09
Joined: 1/7/2009
Msg: 254 (view)
 
Are men on here really interested in marriage
Posted: 5/7/2016 12:03:56 PM

the ironic part is I meet a lot of women who don't want to get married again. Either they just came out of a bad marriage or they are happy to live alone.

I met someone in May 2010 who was separated at the time and said that there was absolutely no way she was ever going to marry again.

Our wedding was in June 2012.
 PirateJohn09
Joined: 1/7/2009
Msg: 148 (view)
 
Do men get off on crazy women?
Posted: 5/7/2016 12:01:33 PM
"Crazy" isn't exactly a specific descriptor. One person's "crazy" is another person's treasure.

My wife was bipolar and had emotional issues that she worked through with therapy. I often had to listen to her going off on incoherent rants that were triggered by stress. Those rants often involved her saying things like, "you shouldn't be with me. I'm too f---ed up."

But those were few and far between. She was also a kind, caring, intelligent, passionate woman whom I still love very much and wouldn't trade my marriage with her for anything in the world. If I hadn't lost her to stomach cancer, she'd still be here with me and I'd happily put up with the occasional craziness because the good days tremendously outweighed the bad ones.
 PirateJohn09
Joined: 1/7/2009
Msg: 29 (view)
 
Mrn, how many of you would date a pregnant woman?? Why or why not?
Posted: 5/7/2016 11:56:27 AM
Hell no. A woman who is pregnant clearly has other priorities.
 PirateJohn09
Joined: 1/7/2009
Msg: 1 (view)
 
Do I Really Want to Date Again?
Posted: 5/7/2016 11:47:52 AM
I never liked the dating game the first time around. But that all ended the day I met the woman who would become my wife. We met in May 2010, moved in together that same September (mostly for fiduciary reasons, but we knew we were going to be in it long-term), and married in June 2012. I had the perfect partner and would never have to worry about that awful dating game again.

Then in July 2014, she started having stomach pains. On August 27, she was diagnosed with stomach cancer, and a month to the day later, she was gone.

I know they say you move on, and in some sense I have. I've gone on a few sporadic dates here and there in the last few months, but I sometimes wonder if I ever really want to date again.

Funny thing is, it's not being in another relationship I'm opposed to. It's just that whole process of searching, should-I-call-or-not, making time, tra la la that I just want nothing to do with.
 PirateJohn09
Joined: 1/7/2009
Msg: 56 (view)
 
What Do You Do When You Can't Be With The One?
Posted: 5/7/2016 11:42:32 AM

I have recently broken up with 'the one' (again)

Hint: She wasn't the one.
 PirateJohn09
Joined: 1/7/2009
Msg: 168 (view)
 
Very interesting article that applies to ALL MEN!
Posted: 5/1/2015 7:54:15 PM

The problem with this site, as appears to be the problem with internet dating in general, is that people’s expectations are far too high.

Well, as someone who became a widow seven months ago, if I ever get into a relationship again, I have pretty much only one standard: she has to be at least as awesome as my wife was.

So, yeah, I have ridiculously high standards.
 PirateJohn09
Joined: 1/7/2009
Msg: 712 (view)
 
Do Women really avoid Scorpio's???
Posted: 3/1/2015 2:15:43 PM
I avoid women who give a damn what my astrological sign is.
 PirateJohn09
Joined: 1/7/2009
Msg: 117 (view)
 
Should I go out with a girl 16 years younger?
Posted: 2/15/2015 6:35:52 PM

Older dudes tend to be less athletic, unless they maintain fitness level.

Isn't that true of everyone? By definition?
 PirateJohn09
Joined: 1/7/2009
Msg: 39 (view)
 
Do guys like shy girls?
Posted: 1/27/2015 2:57:12 PM
Hate to say it, but shyness can be a major turn off for me. I like and respect women who are unafraid to speak their mind. I like being challenged.
 PirateJohn09
Joined: 1/7/2009
Msg: 777 (view)
 
Hot stuff
Posted: 1/26/2015 10:07:55 AM

I've never heard a married couple say, "We met on the street/bus"

Does a train count? That's where my brother met his wife.
 piratejohn09
Joined: 1/7/2009
Msg: 757 (view)
 
The infamous NICE GUY rant
Posted: 1/24/2015 8:50:08 PM

Women only care about looks. All they want is a male model with cash and owns a jaguire.

Jaguire? Is that a Jaguar knockoff?

Besides, you contradict yourself. You claim that women only care about looks, but then claim that they also care about money and cars.

You're not very good at being a troll, are ya?
 piratejohn09
Joined: 1/7/2009
Msg: 756 (view)
 
The infamous NICE GUY rant
Posted: 1/24/2015 8:48:43 PM

Sorry for your loss dude. Divorce rates are higher than 50% so it wouldn't have been surprising if it had ended .

Thank you. It's not easy to get over being a widow before you turn 40.

It is, indeed unfortunate that so many marriages do end in divorce, but sometimes I think that it isn't so much about what WIP mentioned above about "finding red flags" after you're married. Sure, that happens -- in fact, when I met my wife, she was separated from a man who had cheated on her -- but I think a lot of marriages fail because the people involved don't fully appreciate how much work a marriage takes. My wife and I had a great marriage not simply because we were compatible, but because we both were committed to the marriage and worked hard at it.

When I am ready to start dating again, I will have a very high bar for women because, well, the one I married set that bar pretty darned high. But I won't know who does or does not meet that bar until I ask interesting women out on dates and find out more about them.

Remember, when I talk about asking women on dates, I'm not talking about just going up to some stranger and asking for her number, and I'm certainly not condoning things like catcalling and whatnot. There is a right way and a wrong way to ask a woman out. I met my wife at a party. We had a conversation that went on for quite some time and I ended up asking if she liked sushi because I knew a place. The rest was history.
 PirateJohn09
Joined: 1/7/2009
Msg: 754 (view)
 
The infamous NICE GUY rant
Posted: 1/24/2015 8:09:06 PM

With the mounds of women who suffer from low self-esteem and will be with anyone who pays attention to them,

Yeah, you can stop pretending you know anything about her.


I really don't think that's a very romantic story, lol.

I wasn't trying to be romantic. I was simply pointing out that had I followed your advice, I would have missed out on years of happiness for both me and her.


You may want to tack it onto your approach but we don't know what was her reason for accepting you.

Doesn't matter her reason. The point is that she wouldn't have accepted had I been too "respectful" to ask.


Still married?

Nope. Stomach cancer sucks. She was diagnosed last August and died four weeks later.

Oh, were you hoping you could act all smug at the thought that we were divorced? So sorry to burst your bubble with the fact that I was in a very happy relationship with a wonderful, beautiful, kind, and intelligent woman.
 PirateJohn09
Joined: 1/7/2009
Msg: 753 (view)
 
The infamous NICE GUY rant
Posted: 1/24/2015 8:03:37 PM

Here’s the thing: you have just shown your disdain of and disrespect for a woman’s choice NOT to be approached in public by random men. You don’t care about HER feelings; just YOURS

1) I have no idea what her feelings until I ask her out.

2) It's easy for you to say that I should sacrifice my happiness because a few women think it's so awful for me to ask them out.

3) Putting myself first is not remotely tantamount to having disdain or disrespect for another person's feelings. I am not going to sacrifice my happiness because some (and not remotely most) women are offended at the thought of simply being asked on a date.
 PirateJohn09
Joined: 1/7/2009
Msg: 733 (view)
 
The infamous NICE GUY rant
Posted: 1/23/2015 10:12:39 PM

I just want to go a day without bring interrupted by someone, but you wouldn't understand what I'm saying, you're not a woman.

Here's the thing: I went years if not decades buying in to that crap about "oh, don't bother women by approaching because they might find it disrespectful" and ended up lonely and miserable. It was when I finally realized that such advice truly is crap that I finally built up some courage. In the end I was much happier.

In the end, because I had the guts on May 8, 2010 to ask a woman on a date rather than worry about whether she'd be offended by the thought, I ended up happily married.

But you wouldn't understand what I'm saying. You're not a man. We're the ones generally expected to "make the first move," as they say, but when we do, we're called out for doing so. I spent too many years sacrificing my own needs and happiness for the sake of being "respectful." I don't do that anymore.


You can engage someone and not be romantically interested in them

Similarly, I can engage someone and *be* romantically interested in them. What's so damned wrong with being romantically interested in someone?


It doesn't mean you need to take it a few levels up and make sure you secure a space in their life by asking for their number and all that crap.

Nor does it mean I can't. One of my favorite quotes is from Wayne Gretzky -- 100% of shots not taken don't result in goals.


I'm starting to wonder if romantic interest is the only thing a man can have for a woman, where does that leave friendship?

Why do you assume that my being romantically interested in one woman means that I can't simultaneously be interested in a different woman solely as friends? I have several female friends that I wouldn't date for various reasons but love dearly as friends.

I am just having a hard time understanding this mentality that says that it's wrong to express romantic interest in someone.
 PirateJohn09
Joined: 1/7/2009
Msg: 731 (view)
 
The infamous NICE GUY rant
Posted: 1/23/2015 9:58:08 PM

IMO, single guys who find it hard to find a date should exercise in getting shot down (ie approaching women)

I suggested much the same thing in another thread. Go out and make a huge fool of yourself. Not only will you find that getting rejected isn't the end of the world, but you'll be surprised at how many times you're not even rejected. Some people just plain like someone that they can laugh at.

I remember when my wife and I were first dating. I embarrassed the hell out of her when we were at the County Fair because quite frequently as I heard the various music playing, I would unashamedly break out into dance in the middle of the street. And I don't dance well. She was damn near mortified, but in the long run, I broke her out of her shell a bit. :)
 PirateJohn09
Joined: 1/7/2009
Msg: 730 (view)
 
The infamous NICE GUY rant
Posted: 1/23/2015 9:54:09 PM

In the book The Pickup Artist (a story about a nerd music writer who is to write a book about picking up chicks from collections of stuff from online; instead it's a biography on how He changed)

Isn't that "The Game" by Neil Strauss?
 PirateJohn09
Joined: 1/7/2009
Msg: 202 (view)
 
Men Who Never Learned to Cook
Posted: 1/23/2015 9:42:19 PM
My wife and I used to watch Chopped together, so one day we decided to try it for ourselves. We would take turns buying each other four ingredients that they had to use in a dish. She bought me pork ribs, kumquats, bok choi, and a box of Kraft mac & cheese.

I'm proud to say I hit it out of the park, too. :)
 PirateJohn09
Joined: 1/7/2009
Msg: 25 (view)
 
Pickup girls in subway vs online dating
Posted: 1/23/2015 9:38:39 PM

That was my first thought too: in the subway? Really?!

Don't laugh. One of my brothers met a woman on a train ride to work. They're now married with two beautiful children.
 PirateJohn09
Joined: 1/7/2009
Msg: 33 (view)
 
Married/Separated and dating
Posted: 1/23/2015 9:31:37 PM
I met the woman who would become my wife when she was separated and had not yet filed for divorce.
 PirateJohn09
Joined: 1/7/2009
Msg: 681 (view)
 
The infamous NICE GUY rant
Posted: 1/20/2015 9:44:59 PM

I'll be honest, dating in this age of "instant gratification" isn't sitting well with me.

Agreed. If something happens quickly, then great, but people seem to have lost the ability to allow things to grow on their own.
 PirateJohn09
Joined: 1/7/2009
Msg: 680 (view)
 
The infamous NICE GUY rant
Posted: 1/20/2015 9:43:59 PM
Gonna have to agree with Coma on this one. If I meet someone, I meet someone. I'm not going to limit myself and say, "oh, I can't talk to that woman because this isn't an approved event in which I'm permitted to find someone."

And to answer Belle's question: "How else would you know they are single AND looking?"

Well, that's simple. I go and talk to them.
 PirateJohn09
Joined: 1/7/2009
Msg: 10 (view)
 
Speed dating
Posted: 1/20/2015 6:31:21 PM
I tried speed dating a couple of times. The last time was when I was about 32 and was at an event for singles aged 21-35. A couple of women who were either clearly outside of that age range or who had led a very rough life were there. I sat across from one of them when the bell rang.

First thing I sad as I sat down, "tell me something fascinating about yourself."

Her reply, "I don't have a gag reflex."

The remaining seven minutes and fifty-five seconds were not an improvement.
 PirateJohn09
Joined: 1/7/2009
Msg: 94 (view)
 
Not your typical Nice Guy thread
Posted: 1/20/2015 12:32:41 PM

I don't think being nice and being a push over are the same thing.

You're right, they are not, and what I was hoping to get across is that while being nice and being a wimp are not necessarilu synonymous, briefing nice isn't a particularly interesting trait. It's defining yourself not so much by what you are, but by what you are not.

Thank you for sharing the story of your journey. :)
 PirateJohn09
Joined: 1/7/2009
Msg: 111 (view)
 
Paying for a date
Posted: 1/17/2015 2:23:41 PM

So you can call him a gentleman who pays for the lady's way or a John

Well, according to my drivers license, I already am a John...
 PirateJohn09
Joined: 1/7/2009
Msg: 13 (view)
 
Professional Athletes
Posted: 1/17/2015 2:20:36 PM

The problem with pro athletes is their bodies start falling apart earlier than usual

I'd have to say that strongly depends on the sport and what they did. I've known lots of athletes right up through an Olympic gold medalist and very few of them have bodies falling apart.
 PirateJohn09
Joined: 1/7/2009
Msg: 106 (view)
 
Paying for a date
Posted: 1/17/2015 9:34:36 AM
I guess I'mold fashioned in that I like to pay. If my date wants to split, my usual line is, "I like to pretend to be a gentlemen once in a while to throw people off."
 PirateJohn09
Joined: 1/7/2009
Msg: 636 (view)
 
The infamous NICE GUY rant
Posted: 1/17/2015 8:31:34 AM

Being yourself means don't be someone you are not.

But, again, what does that really mean? You may not be suave now, but perhaps you develop some suavity at some point. Does learning a new behavior suddenly mean you are someone that you are not?

As I mentioned, "who I am" changes almost daily as I learn new things, have new experiences, and so on. Does the fact that I'm a different person now than I one was mean I'm not "being myself?"

I think a lot of people confuse changing with not being true to yourself. I made a lot of changes when I was on this site before, whining about how I never found anyone, tra la la, but then I decided to make a lot of changes. I decided that the "myself" I was being wasn't working out for me. As a result, I became much happier.
 PirateJohn09
Joined: 1/7/2009
Msg: 92 (view)
 
Not your typical Nice Guy thread
Posted: 1/17/2015 8:18:41 AM

I don't see how intentionally lowering other people's opinion of you is psychologically advantageous

Again, go back to my original point. People make idiots of themselves (unintentionally) all the time and it doesn't necessarily lower other people's opinions of them. People who have social anxiety and who are afraid of making fools of themselves have this idea in their head that if they do make a fool of themselves, the entire room will drop what they are doing and stare at them with disdain until they skulk away. The only place I've ever seen that happen is in movies.


while the latter can result in ridicule, arrest, or bodily harm

Arrest??? Jeez, I just told a guy to go act weird, not to do anything remotely illegal. I have no idea where you got that idea.

I think you have all decided to interpret "make an idiot of yourself" as meaning things a hell of a lot worse than anything I was imagining.
 PirateJohn09
Joined: 1/7/2009
Msg: 91 (view)
 
Not your typical Nice Guy thread
Posted: 1/17/2015 8:12:52 AM

Oh, boy…That is stupid. Not even close. I would never make a child feel badly about breaking anything.

Then why tell someone who is afraid of making a fool out of himself that it's not okay to make a fool out of himself.


Nothing you’ve now said is analogous to your former statements.

Yes it is, because it's exactly what I've been saying all along. I have been saying right from the beginning -- if you are afraid of making a fool out of yourself, then just go make a fool out of yourself and see that the consequences are not as bad as you fear.


I disagree with you; can you accept that.

It's one thing to disagree with me. I'm fine with that. It's another to misrepresent what I say.
 PirateJohn09
Joined: 1/7/2009
Msg: 124 (view)
 
When women say there are no decent guys is what they really mean...
Posted: 1/16/2015 10:46:38 PM

(learn how to spell please )

...

refuse to cow tow

Dang it, my irony meter just broke. I have to buy a new one now.
 PirateJohn09
Joined: 1/7/2009
Msg: 75 (view)
 
never gotten head
Posted: 1/16/2015 10:41:20 PM
Stop rhyming now! I mean it!
 PirateJohn09
Joined: 1/7/2009
Msg: 633 (view)
 
The infamous NICE GUY rant
Posted: 1/16/2015 10:39:26 PM
I never did understand what the whole "be yourself" thing is supposed to mean. Am I the same person now as I was five years ago? One year ago? Heck, am I the same now as I was this morning?

People change because we're hardwired to learn from experience. It's called growing.

But some people are afraid of looking at themselves honestly. Change is hard. It requires a lot of humility, a lot of answering difficult questions honestly, and a lot of work. So people hide from change by claiming that change is somehow disingenuous.

It isn't.

What *is* disingenuous is to claim that to you don't need to change. The only people who don't need to change are people who are perfect. I dunno about you, but I sure haven't met a perfect person yet.
 
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