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 tchofclas
Joined: 12/24/2005
Msg: 180 (view)
 
Username search
Posted: 8/18/2017 8:25:00 AM
Am I the only one who can't read page 3 of this particular post? It goes immediately to the forums listing page. All the other pages work.
 tchofclas
Joined: 12/24/2005
Msg: 35 (view)
 
Why are so many women Afraid/Not Interested in Checking out the Sex and Dating Forums?
Posted: 11/6/2014 7:49:10 AM
I use Mozzilla Firefox, so maybe that is the difference. Do have to log in to post, though.

And I would have thought ^^^ someone so judgmental would have never come back after reading the first title, being such a puritan and all!
 tchofclas
Joined: 12/24/2005
Msg: 28 (view)
 
Why are so many women Afraid/Not Interested in Checking out the Sex and Dating Forums?
Posted: 11/3/2014 7:51:52 AM
Sorry I was replying to no_1_bby, and took so long there was another post in between!
 tchofclas
Joined: 12/24/2005
Msg: 27 (view)
 
Why are so many women Afraid/Not Interested in Checking out the Sex and Dating Forums?
Posted: 11/3/2014 7:49:49 AM
^^^^^
Not sure exactly how you meant that. I usually find it by typing in POF forums, but never logged in until I went to post.
As for the answer to the question? The older I get, the more I'm convinced there are a lot of people that are judgmental, others that hate to see someone else to enjoy themselves, (hence eyes closed during sex, lol) and others that are just plain weird.
Personally, you can get a lot of questions answered here that aren't in Things Your Mother Didn't Tell You & You Were Afraid To Ask, or some such title. As someone mentioned above, there is a lot of good information here to make things better. Thank goodness for the informed people who are not afraid to post. Dave and his G spot thread is one of the first that comes to mind. Or someone mentions something, and you think "I didn't know that" and you can come here and check it out. There would be a lot more happy people out there if more were interested in making their partner have the best experience possible. Which usually makes them want to reciprocate, and everyone wins.
And then there are some posts that make you think Puritanism, for lack of a better word, will never die, and those people have no idea what joy they're missing.
 tchofclas
Joined: 12/24/2005
Msg: 95 (view)
 
Im 40, he's 27
Posted: 6/26/2014 7:18:11 AM
For what it's worth, I am an only child of parents with a 16 year age difference. I am an only child because my mother was unable to have more children. She died 4 months before their 40th anniversary, and my father was absolutely devastated. I was turning 38 that year, and had never heard them have an argument. My father died 3 years later, mostly because he didn't follow the diet his diabetes had required most of his life. He felt he had no reason to go on. He would have been 86 that year.
Not the scenario you expected, is it? My father was born in 1902, when my grandmother was 37, and she had 2 more children, none of whom had any type of disability, and I believe 30 was considered old for a woman to have children back then. This was her second marriage, and first children.
And for what it's worth,it was only when a friend of mine's aunt died that the family became aware she was 15 years older than her husband. And they'd had a long happy marriage.
There are no guarantees in life, as you've already discovered. If you are a person who doesn't worry about what other people think, and he is the same, and after you meet, you still like each other, proceed from there. But you will need thick skin, because as you've seen in this forum, people are very judgmental, and what they think isn't for them, therefore shouldn't be for anyone else.
I personally think same interests, outlook on life, etc, is more important than a number.
 tchofclas
Joined: 12/24/2005
Msg: 35 (view)
 
Value Village and Thrift Stores.... (Scams)
Posted: 3/15/2011 7:29:47 PM
I used to work for a recycling company and we used to pick up bins at Value Village. Perfectly good things that had been priced, so it wasn't like there was something wrong with it, sent to the landfill. I don't see why if it didn't sell fast enough to suit them, or whatever, they didn't pass it on to someplace like Salvation Army, or St Vincent de Paul, both of whom help people when they are down and out, lose belongings in a fire, or whatever, rather than just sending it to the dump. I tend to lean toward St. Vincent de Paul in this area, because they keep their prices more reasonable.
 tchofclas
Joined: 12/24/2005
Msg: 394 (view)
 
wat if she lied about age....... do you continue anyway?
Posted: 12/11/2010 10:20:33 PM
I also meant to mention, my father was 16 years older than my mum. When he got diabetes 2 years after insulin was discovered, the doctors told my grandmother he wouldn't live to be an old man. My mother had her first coronary at 50, and died at 68. My dad was doing most f the housework, and cooking. He died 4 months before his 83rd birthday, and had my mum been alive, he'd probably lived longer. he lost all interest in life after she was gone. So just someone is older, even a significant amount, is no guarantee they will need a caregiver, or die first!
 tchofclas
Joined: 12/24/2005
Msg: 393 (view)
 
wat if she lied about age....... do you continue anyway?
Posted: 12/11/2010 7:55:43 PM
One of my best friend's aunt was 15 years older than her husband, and NO one knew until after she died. They were married for more than 40 years, and I believe she survived her husband. So was she a habitual liar? No! Seems to me it shows that a lot of things people have roared from their soap boxes are just that, hot air. Seems a lot of people have trust issues when they do searches on people they are involved with, too. Maybe they should be dropped like a hot potato too, when found out? And my "Auntie", not a real aunt, but a title I was allowed to use as a child, went to her grave with no one knowing her true age. And I don't mean she lied, just never divulged it. Personally, I agree once you are past the age of having children, age really is just a number. Where all the paperwork in the world to just disappear, after a few years, how old would everyone be? And how much would it matter?
 tchofclas
Joined: 12/24/2005
Msg: 7 (view)
 
Goldfish Credits
Posted: 12/8/2010 6:05:59 AM
I could see charging for, as someone else said, extra perks, but not for basic things like this. It is something that many people use frequently, if nothing else, just to affirm that someone they haven't talked to in awhile is 'still alive and kicking'. I don't use the sites that don't have this. Looks like the forums will be the only thing keeping me here, and since they've done their best to make them inaccessible, even that may not be enough!
 tchofclas
Joined: 12/24/2005
Msg: 48 (view)
 
What the heck is up with men wearing women's underwear?
Posted: 12/3/2010 5:26:40 AM
Too bad Stylishblonde2008 is no longer a member
.She might have identified the fellow who wanted to buy her undies as the Base commander of one of Canada's biggest air force bases. But then I don't think he was into buying them, usually broke into houses and stole them. It progressed to sexual assault and eventually 2 murders. You may have seen him modeling in the National Enquirer in self portraits he took. He's now doing life, but gives a different view as to the innocence of wearing ladies underwear. Not saying all are headed in this direction, just a different consequence for some.
 tchofclas
Joined: 12/24/2005
Msg: 69 (view)
 
Widowed father already talking to new ladies
Posted: 11/25/2010 7:15:31 AM
Don't think the op has been on here in a year or two, but for what it might mean to someone else here goes. Longer ago than I care to remember, when people wee commenting on something that I felt was none of their business, a man who remarried not long after his wife's death, I came across an article on this very subject. It said men who were in happy marriages were very likely to remarry quickly, whereas those who had bad marriages would be very cautious about even dating. From what I have seen in the ensuing years, this has been very true. And I am sure if you think about situations you were familiar with, it rings true. So basically, it would seem a man who re enters the dating world/ remarry s quickly, is actually paying tribute to a wife in that it shows they had a good marriage, and he's willing to do it again. Maybe looking at it from this point of view can make it easier for some children to understand , be they young or older themselves. And really, do you really want your surviving parent to spend their life lonely and miserable? If the answer is yes, shame on you. Love, as many of us on POF know, is elusive, and an opportunity to be happy may never come again. Carp Diem!
 tchofclas
Joined: 12/24/2005
Msg: 130 (view)
 
Why don't men and women -- by and large -- like male-pattern baldness?
Posted: 9/9/2010 7:45:23 AM
I would be interested in knowing the family background of women who prefer hair/mpb. A girlfriend and I had this discussion some time ago. She'd prefer a bald man to one with a pot belly. I prefer hair. Her father was bald when I met her in her teens. My father had pretty much all of his hair when he died at 86, as did my uncles, and my ex father in law has all his hair in his 80's as well. One poster did comment that her father was bald as was her first love. Maybe it has more to do with conditioning growing up, what we are used to. Would be interesting to see how family traits relate to preferences.
 tchofclas
Joined: 12/24/2005
Msg: 78 (view)
 
Menopause and The Aftermath of its Wake.
Posted: 7/30/2010 5:28:01 AM
I was one of the lucky ones, lack of periods was the only indication, although I did have a blood test which indicated I was postmenopausal.I was 51 then. I have always been extremely active, gotta thank all these horses I keep! At my last job they hired a man to run my roll off as they wanted to put me in a dump truck. He couldn't physically do the job, and he really wasn't a slouch. (But I got my roll off back!)
I was diagnosed with depression during that time, and Zoloft was a godsend, but side effects after a few months ruled it out. Hurrah for St Johns Wort, so if you have no energy, you might want to look into this. I would consider this a side effect of menopause if I hadn't gone through a similar thing as a teenager, lack of concentration, no interest in my passion for horses, to the point of hospitalization, but don't think they had any idea of depression back then. I do remember my mum mentioning my mood swings in my 30's, thinking it was a result of marital problems.
I found the best way to describe depression is when you want to sweep the floor, it is too far away for you to pick up the things that need picking up before you sweep.
So if you experience this, there is help. The drawback to the pharmaceuticals is damage to internal organs, liver I think, but don't quote me, that they don't tell you about
As for the heredity thing, my mum had a hysterectomy in her thirty's, went through the "change " then, and again in her mid forty's. My being a teenager must have added to her agony, I'm sure.
 tchofclas
Joined: 12/24/2005
Msg: 7 (view)
 
sciatica...any exercises to help prevent
Posted: 5/30/2009 10:19:14 AM
After pulling a back muscle lifting, I work up in pain worse than childbirth. charlie horse from hip to toes. In spite of a high pain tolerance, even Percodan (sp) only dulled the pain. Only way I could get relief was to pull my knee up to my chest. Was 2 weeks before I could attempt to back to work, and yes, I limped. Tried a chiropractor, and though it was a little helpful, not enough to warrant the cost. A cat scan later revealed spinal degenerative disease according to my doctor, something that can occur from your twenties up, but rarely diagnosed unless there is testing due to some outward factor. I'd purchased an inversion table, but never finished assembling it. Finally got someone to finish it, and it was a lifesaver. I spent 10 mins twice a day for several weeks as the highest angle possible. My girlfriend tried it, and was dizzy after only a couple of mins, so time spent I would think depends on the person. I got rid of both the pain and the limp, and the surgeon my doctor sent me to, almost 3 months after the cat scan, found nothing to be concerned about. As far as I am concerned, best $200, I ever spent, and prices have dropped since. I've had a lot of back problems stemming from a car accident, and many falls off horses, but find this seems to work just as well as my infrequent trips to the chiropractor that I only made when headaches became unbearable. Definitely worth a try!
 tchofclas
Joined: 12/24/2005
Msg: 15 (view)
 
New Moms
Posted: 5/30/2009 10:03:55 AM
I have a friend who was raising her daughters child when she was in her 60's. She is now in her eighty's, living alone and looking after her horses and cattle herself. Daughter got married and has had the child since she was about 7.
No one knows how long they will live! Life is pretty much a crap shoot. I don't know the circumstances, and most likely, neither do you. Maybe her husband is much younger, as it's becoming much commoner these days.
And just for rebuttal's sake, I'd be interested to see the statistics on deaths of young mothers.
For the negative posters, who made you judge and jury?
And I think if God thought it was such a bad idea, science or not, it would never have happened!
 tchofclas
Joined: 12/24/2005
Msg: 19 (view)
 
Write your own Epitaph..what would you say?
Posted: 5/30/2009 6:29:17 AM
I consider anyone who buys a horse today and "knows" everything about them tomorrow a horse person. someone who never stops learning about them is a horseman. "She was a Horseman" would suit me fine!
 tchofclas
Joined: 12/24/2005
Msg: 30 (view)
 
she is honey girl or money girl?
Posted: 4/23/2009 7:33:36 AM
[quoteSome American men still like to pay most of the time, especially very much older ones, as a rule, because they were brought up in this way. May younger men were raised by single moms without fathers, the dads either left or weren`t providers, so they have no role models of men being the providers. they have been provided for exclusively by their mothers, and are therefore used to being taken care of by their mother. They do not see it as an honor, duty or of high esteem to take "care" of their lady. Some are just as proud to be able to find a woman to take care of them. My father was this way. His mother always took very good care of him, so he has always found women to live off of and would not even consider it a duty to provide for a wife or children. He feels that they should take care of him]
I raised my son, my biggest beef with my ex was the little interest he showed in his child. However,it did not make him like the poster above suggests. I think that has more to do with the mothers attitude than the fact she was a single mother. And I grew up in the '50's in a family where my mother worked and my father did the laundry and the cooking during the week. And my father was no wuss, and considering he was born in 1902, I always considered him way before his time, as I believe, was my mother, who, incidentally, was 16 years younger than my father.
I've always considered myself so lucky to have been raised the way I was, taught that you can do anything you put your mind to, and never was it inferred that your sex restricted what you could do with your life.
 tchofclas
Joined: 12/24/2005
Msg: 49 (view)
 
Anti-depressants and sex
Posted: 3/11/2009 4:47:36 AM
I have been taking St John's Wort for almost 3 years, as while Zoloft worked excellent on the depression, after about 45 days, the diarrhea was intolerable . However, think it may have contributed to difficulty in reaching orgasm. Possible bonus for a man, not so for a woman, :) . I am finding a lower dose is still working on the depression, about the other, time will tell.
 tchofclas
Joined: 12/24/2005
Msg: 85 (view)
 
How to make a guy cum from a b/j
Posted: 3/11/2009 3:57:16 AM
check out Oral Sex: A Step-by-Step Guide

http://love.ivillage.com/lnssex/sexoral/0,,traceycox_88pqgx19,00.html

Enthusiasm, and fake it until you make it are a good beginning.
 tchofclas
Joined: 12/24/2005
Msg: 178 (view)
 
Just my two cents!!
Posted: 1/23/2009 8:50:54 AM
So I guess when I played hockey in the early '60's, yes you read that right, 1960's, and our team, (Parry Sound) won the Ontario championship, we all did it to attract 'boys'? We weren't old enough to be interested in men! Am I still interested in hockey? Yes, at the lower levels. Coached when my son was young, but when the NHL franchise expanded, and hockey became a free for all, in spit of the fact I have no interest in boxing, I think if I went to a boxing match, maybe a hockey game would break out? (Said tongue in cheek) Played baseball, have no interest in watching it Hated basketball, I'm 5'2, volleyball, yck! Love the monster trucks, big truck drag racing, won a few spike driving contests, like target practice, had a gun license when I was 16, guess I better turn in my woman card!
And I just read an article in an older Toronto Sun about a store in Port Credit, run by Canada's fastest knitter, (2nd in the world) who teaches knitting Quote "especially to guys" August 21,2008, pg 53, yeah, I'm a little behind in my news.
To the op, yes some women probably do lie about it, just as some men do to catch your interest. Horses have been my passion all my life. My EX husband actually bought a horse from me, but turned out it really wasn't what he was interested in, and also had a relationship with another man who pretended for over a year to have a real interest in the horses, turned out he was more interested in his half of the farm.
OT Spokenfor the op has returned several times to add comments, so I guess you haven't really been following the topic, just what you want to pick apart? And as others have said, if you had checked your facts, you'd know your next door neighbor,that would be Canada, is always one of the first to contribute to your natural disasters, and that included Katrina, when your own government turned a blind eye to the suffering in New Orleans, but I guess that was media propaganda too, right? Of course you won't be reading this as you vowed to leave the thread numerous posts ago! Only to return? Credibility? Hmmm!
 tchofclas
Joined: 12/24/2005
Msg: 72 (view)
 
Antidepressants
Posted: 1/9/2009 9:10:00 AM
Been some time since anyone posted here, would be interesting to see some updates from people. Personally, exercise is not an option when you can't even get out of bed. And if I had stayed with my original GP, I probably wouldn't be here. The day I couldn't feed my horses, my girlfriend rescued me, and got me in to see her Doctor. I would say without a doubt he saved my life. He put me on Zoloft, and within days I was back to my old self. Now some are going to say obviously if it worked that fast, there was no real problem. However, because I was off work, and had coverage, the insurance provider required me to see a psychiatrist He put me on Paxil & Lorazapam . If the smoke detector had gone off, I would have rolled over and gone back to sleep.I was put back on the Zoloft, and it gave me my life back. Eventually I was able to go off it. Was interesting that the itch/blister rash on my posterior, which my Doctor was unable to diagnose, went away the next time I was on it. Did find an article in an English (as in England) magazine later that said it was a result of stress.Although the Zoloft/generic brand worked very well for me, eventually I developed a nasty side effect,nasty diarrhea, which would appear after I had been on it about a month and a half, and also realized it had been the cause of my teeth grinding. Tried Celexa,no difference in mood. Eventually went on St Johns Wort, and been taking it for about 3 years.And did find a very big difference in brands. Would be interested to know others experience in taking it, for although I have not been able to find any info on it as a side affect, am wondering if back when I had a sex life, it was the cause of difficulty in achieving orgasm, which in the past was attained 'at the drop of a hat'! Not literally of course. :)
 tchofclas
Joined: 12/24/2005
Msg: 12 (view)
 
Zoloft question regarding sex
Posted: 1/9/2009 6:59:47 AM
As a female, I found Zoloft, or the generic equivalent had worked within days to boost my mood, and the only side effect was after about 50 days or so the diarrhea would be so bad I'd have to go off it. Been on St John's Wort for about 3 years, wonder if any other women have found it affected their ability to orgasm?
 tchofclas
Joined: 12/24/2005
Msg: 28 (view)
 
What do you think when you read this?
Posted: 12/17/2008 4:48:20 PM
I'd be curios to know if he is a country music fan, since this sounds a bit like the words from Brad Paisleys new song Waitin' On A Woman Our date was at 8 and she came down the stairs at 8:30, said sorry I'm late but I just didn't like anything I tried on. For those of you who don't listen to country, he goes on to say she still makes him wait, sometimes just because she can, even though they've been married for years, and he doesn't mind waitin" on a woman. So maybe this guy just wants a woman worth waiting for. My take!
 tchofclas
Joined: 12/24/2005
Msg: 28 (view)
 
The Pet Name Syndrome
Posted: 12/13/2008 3:45:57 PM
**Tee**
Never call a man an A$$hole when you are mad at him! A$$holes are useful, lol!
 tchofclas
Joined: 12/24/2005
Msg: 196 (view)
 
should age differance be a deal breaker in a relationship
Posted: 12/9/2008 3:51:23 PM
My father was 16 years older than my mother.He was what was termed a brittle diabetic, my grandmother was told he would not live to be an old man. He was 45 when I was born. Would that either of my marriages had been half as good as theirs. When she died in her 68th year, he was devastated, and only lasted another 3 years without her. You do the math. Had they listened to people like some of the posters on here, they would have never enjoyed almost 40 years of married bliss. Granted, it wasn't a 30 year age difference, but it was significant.
Also one of my closest friends married a man 25 years her senior. Our kids are just months apart, and hers was born just a couple of weeks before he turned 50. They are still together, and he turned 82 in Sept. And just so you naysayers who think they must have had a dysfunctional past, my mother's father died 2 years after I was born, and my girlfriend's dad died about 15 years ago, so they both had father's in their lives. My mother was a teacher, my girlfriend's mother was a teacher, as was her father, so should we say being/having a teacher in your family predisposes you to marry older? Makes about as much sense as some of the other drivel spouted here. Did this predispose me to seeking someone much older? No, I've learned it is more important that you are on the same page in what you can live with/without, and when you find the person you've been seeking from day one, age is just a number. I think one of the best responses to this dilemma is to ask the person how old they would be if they didn't know how old they were. As to why we can be so strongly attracted to someone of a big age difference, or even to one closer in age where often we are drawn back to each other over and over, maybe the poster who brought up past lives had a valid point. Sometimes when we are not open to opinions that differ from our own, it can be an indication we've stopped growing ourselves, at least IMO!
 tchofclas
Joined: 12/24/2005
Msg: 78 (view)
 
Breaking the secret man code shhhh!
Posted: 12/3/2008 8:38:05 PM
ColonelIngus If you knew anything about how the sex of a child is determined, you would know it is governed by how close the woman is to ovulating when she has sex. Male sperm swim faster, die quicker, female swim slower, live longer. Therefore if the woman is close to ovulating, she will have a boy. When they started using artificial insemination, women were impregnated as close to ovulation as possible, resulting in an extremely high percentage of boys. Also, the alkalinity, or acidity of the vagina at the time is more favorable to one sex than the other, though at the moment I don't remember which is which. For more info , refer to the book "How to determine the Sex of Your Child" so you can take you macho/wussy theory and stuff it! javascript:smilie('')
javascript:smilie('')javascript:smilie('')
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 tchofclas
Joined: 12/24/2005
Msg: 317 (view)
 
Starting to get turned off with shaved women
Posted: 10/7/2008 8:06:48 PM
The first time I was shaved was just before my trip to the labor room. I hated the 'itchy s' so much that before my second trip to the hospital, (Warning to Laughing Libra's keyboard) I got out the horse clippers and solved the problem. However, somewhat recently when my bf complained about rug burn, I made the ultimate sacrifice, and found with regular upkeep, I love it. Did I do it for him? Not really, I did it so he would keep on keepin' on. The fact that he uses a razor regularly means that I go South as much for what I get out of it as for what it does for him, whereas in past relationships the jungle meant I rarely ventured South, and never for my enjoyment. Who'da thunk a simple thing like the use of a razor could make life so much more enjoyable for both parties. Just wish I could get the nerve to go for a wax job!
 tchofclas
Joined: 12/24/2005
Msg: 12 (view)
 
I cant figure this guy out.
Posted: 9/28/2008 7:52:50 AM
iiCeiiCe & just jim, I think you need to reread the original post. What she said was this guy dated her BEST FRIEND'S friend, Not her best friend, I think that would make a big difference in your replies.And really, at 19, she's not exactly at death's door, she does have lot's of time. Cudo's to someone who is not looking for instant gratification in this hurry up world. If you think he's worth waiting for, and some of the other posters seem to have missed the fact that you have actually known each other for some time, as you've had the same circle of friends, personally at your age I'd invest the time! Heck, at my age I'd invest the time!
 tchofclas
Joined: 12/24/2005
Msg: 401 (view)
 
eHarmony...STAY AWAY FROM THIS SITE!!!
Posted: 9/23/2008 7:04:41 AM
There is a way around being sucked in by the paying sites. DON'T use a credit card. Mail a money order, and you won't have to worry about automatic billing. I've done this with 2 paying sites, and never had a problem with billing, and the one was in Austin, Texas, and my snail mail reached them in 2 days from Eastern Ontario, used to take a week from Parry Sound to Huntsville, a total of 60 miles by road, go figure. The big drawback to any paying site is there are always a lot of non paying members who can't write you back, and a lot of paying members haven't figured they need to include their e-mail in their first contact. Yes, some paying sites do allow this!
 tchofclas
Joined: 12/24/2005
Msg: 9 (view)
 
Success stories 174 pages long
Posted: 9/21/2008 2:10:32 PM
Who's to say that all the successes post it? Especially when so few seem to even know about the forums? So the percentage is probably a lot higher than testimonials would suggest!
 tchofclas
Joined: 12/24/2005
Msg: 69 (view)
 
Do I tell a family friend that our spouses have been having an affair right under our noses?
Posted: 8/30/2008 4:19:27 AM
I'm with verbrijzelmuis. If you need confirmation, read Divorced Kids. A book I'd recommend for any one contemplating separation/divorce who has kids. Helps you to take the high road. Written after interviewing 300 people from 3 up to 70 who came from divorced homes. I think one of the most important things I got from it was "it's better to come from a broken home than grow up in one". That, and never "dish" the ex, kids figure it out on their own, and respect you more. And if you think the kids don't know, and I mean all the kids, you really are deluding yourself. They pick up on things way quicker than adults.
Also, consider that you can't change other people, you can only change yourself. That being said, if you've resorted to violence once, no matter it was only bruises, and alcohol is never an excuse, just brings out the underlying feelings/person, you should seek professional help.Not only will it make you a better person, you will need all the help you can get when it comes down to the wire in a divorce.
As for these people using a dying child as an excuse to not reveal their tryst, I don't think anyone can get any lower.They should have thought of those consequences beforehand. But as I said before, we can't change others, only ourselves. So I would work on doing what is best for your son, and I think you need professional guidance in that. Personally, I think teaching a child that a loveless marriage is an ok thing is irresponsible, but I am sure you really aren't going to take what any one one here says to heart, so seek a professional opinion. And be forewarned, not all professionals are good. Sometimes it's like taking a malfunctioning car to a mechanic, might take two or three to find the real problem.
Now back to real topic. My guess would be she already knows. I knew, but didn't think a lot of friends who told me later how long they'd known, but remember, it's always the messenger that takes the brunt of it!
 tchofclas
Joined: 12/24/2005
Msg: 65 (view)
 
Has the reality of age affected you?
Posted: 7/26/2008 5:26:51 AM
To the Op, there is a book out there called Attitude is Everything. I recommend you read it, 'nuff said!
To AnglFlynToCloseToGround Id be willing to bet in less than a year when you look in the mirror that aged person you saw recently will have had an amazing face liftI have a friend who is in her 80's who sets an example for all her horsey friends. . When you get rid of the abuse, the transformation is way better than the surgery. I have pics when I was 26 in an abusive relationship where I look older than I did at 40 something.
And for any off the pessimists on here, just remember the old adage "you are only as old as you feel". If you choose not to feel old, it reflects physically and mentally. I love that little poem that ends something to the affect of passing into the next world yelling it's been one hell of a ride. .
Widowed 10 years ago, she refused to follow her children's request she get rid of her horses. As a matter of fact, she bought 5 cows and has been raising calves as well. 2 winters ago she carried water to 2 horses when the pipes froze to the one barn. Maybe it just goes to prove our horses keep us young!
 tchofclas
Joined: 12/24/2005
Msg: 11 (view)
 
Is microwave cooking bad for you?
Posted: 7/25/2008 8:59:44 PM
therealone:
Great, another cancer-causing issue. Did you know that everyone who gets cancer has drunk dihydrogen monoxide yet the FDA refuses to ban it? Think about it.
Don't know if you were serious about this or not? If you were, read http://www.plasticsmythbuster.org/polystyrene.asp?src=goog

wild heart:
They have been around for 60 years. Just how much longer do you think it will take to show up?
 tchofclas
Joined: 12/24/2005
Msg: 110 (view)
 
Why Men Don't Write Long First Msg's
Posted: 7/20/2008 10:51:45 AM
OT Any of you fellows ever heard "What you think about, you bring about?" "Negativity attracts negativity?"
On T There is a big difference between a few lines and just a few words. My profile is lengthy, and gives you a pretty good insight to who I am, and yes, it states what I am looking for. If you aren't a fit, don't you appreciate that I'm not wasting your time? So when someone writes whose profile says he likes to travel, why did he bother? I clearly state my horses tie me down.
To Compact disc If you went to buy a car and you told the salesman you wanted a 2 door automatic with power windows and doors,air, and any color but white, would you really spend a lot of time trying out 4 door standards in white with wind up windows? So if a woman tells you what she wants in her profile, is she not just saving people, herself included, valuable time?
You also mentioned some profiles don't give you much to work with. Why would you even bother writing?

To Kinetix Profile has no real substance to run with. See above, or was it the pic that got you and you wrote in spite of the profile?
I think as most people mature, they realize what they can and cannot live with. Most of the time which category you fit is will determine if you get a reply. And if you get an unread/delete, it is probably because the recipient read your profile and saw something they could not live with. If more people were more realistic about what is a deal breaker for them, instead of trying to change the other person into what they think they want, there would be a lot less broken relationships/ marriages IMHO
 tchofclas
Joined: 12/24/2005
Msg: 39 (view)
 
Domestic violence and the legal system...How has it treated you?
Posted: 7/20/2008 7:35:31 AM
^^^^ Helinda, you can't tar everyone with the same brush. I went for counseling during and after the experience related previous. The second counselor was very good. He commented that I did not fit the profile, as my parents had a very good marriage, my father never never raised his voice , never mind acted out physically, and told my first husband "It takes a pretty small man to hit a woman". (Yes, in spite of the fact after my first marriage I swore I would never get in that situation again, it happened) One of the best things that counselor did was go over signs to look for that a man is abusive, and had me make a list, which I still have. One of the most important is how he treats his mother, but at this age, most men's mothers are no longer around, but you can tell a lot by how they talk about them. I'd recommend counseling for anyone who has been through this, but be aware, all counselors are not created equal. The only thing I got from the first one was to hang around the coffee shops, so the police got to know me personally, and would therefore respond to a call more quickly!
I remember the one officer who came to the house asking me why I would be with someone like that. My reply was "If they came with it printed on their foreheads, you'd have all the thieves and murderers in jail!" However, thanks to counseling, you can recognize the signs that are there. And I think as women, we have to realize if the signs are there, no matter how nice he seems, run for your life, as that is what it may come down to if you persue the relationship. I think we have to get rid of the fairytale thinking that we can change him, or he wouldn't do that to me. As someone else said, The second relationship, I laid it on the line that if he ever hit me, he was out of there. After the first year I knew it was over, but he constantly told me I would never get rid of him, he would never leave. Guess when he was finally out, (took 6 years) he figured he had nothing to lose by coming back after me. My lawyer suggested I could sue him in civil court, but he had no assets other than his truck, and if he was vindictive before, I can only imagine what that would have done. And for the poster who took self defense, I took two courses, but you have to keep it up so that your reactions are automatic, 'cause you won't have the opportunity to think! So if anyone is thinking of takeing this route, be sure you continue to practice.If you can take it with a friend, then you can help each other review it on a regular basis, or take it with one of your kids. The one I took, the woman who taught it allowed neither men or boys to see what she taught, as she wanted what you learned to be a surprise, since that element alone can mean the difference in your survival.
 tchofclas
Joined: 12/24/2005
Msg: 5 (view)
 
Ladies, how would you LIKE us to handle this?
Posted: 7/19/2008 3:02:25 PM
Mary, with your attitude, is would be very unlikely that anyone would confide such a thing to you. You come across as judge and jury! Rape, or the new politically correct sexual assault, which is actually a better term, because it is about control, not sex, is still not something that any victim wants broadcast, so they are normally very careful who they reveal such things to, and some never confide in anyone!
 tchofclas
Joined: 12/24/2005
Msg: 35 (view)
 
Domestic violence and the legal system...How has it treated you?
Posted: 7/19/2008 1:43:03 PM
Kudos to you Silken Fire! Your first posts really spell it out, and just maybe someone will be helped by it.I owned my own farm, and the second time my boyfriend attacked my son, I ran to my truck and left, calling 911, and as I hoped, he followed me. I was told to drive to the police station and they would meet me. The 2 constables were very good, but the Sargent said if we had been living together more than 3 months, he was entitled to half of everything I had.I said excuse me? "Well, I've read the family law books, and I know!" My reply was "Well, I've been to Four lawyers, and I think they know more than you do!" I can only imagine if I had been an uninformed woman. However, I was told if I was afraid to go home, I shouldn't. My son and his girlfriend and I went back the next day to have him charged, and the Sargent said it was like 2 guys going outside a bar to fight! How can you compare a 220 lb man assaulting a 140 lb kid to a bar fight? I realize this may sound like it is off topic, but it took me a couple of more tries to finally get the man out of the house. Then he called me 3 times and asked if he could pick up some stuff he'd left for the fellow he was working for that day. Turned out he was drinking and guess he decided he was going to straighten me out for once and for all!.I was screaming like a banshee 'cause I thought I was going to die My son climbed out a window, ran to the neighbors and called the police, and when they didn't show up, drove to another neighbors and called again. Thank goodness the fellow he'd come to get the stuff for came in the house and pulled him off me, or I'd not likely be writing this. When the police still hadn't shown up, I called a friend of his and asked him to come and get him out of the house, and even he arrived before the police. The police refused to charge him, I had to do it. In answer to your original question,not only did the crown never contact me, they called none of the witnesses, the crown read off that I had called him 3 times that day. (Pretty hard to call someone in a transport when he has no cell phone) He got off signing a Peace bond (Like the American restraining order) The problem with either of these documents is they will only work with a reasonable person, and if the person was reasonable, you wouldn't need one in the first place.
A friend who had been in a similar situation (her husband broke her arm and got nothing) lent me her Rottwieller, and ended up giving me the dog as she bonded so strongly to me. I eventually moved, not an easy thing to do with 26 horses, but at least I am not afraid to go to the barn at night. One thing I did learn out of this. If you have any kind of visible injury, or even not so visible, get to hospital emergency, so you have a record of it, and in some cases their reporting it will get him charged.
 tchofclas
Joined: 12/24/2005
Msg: 4 (view)
 
Am i really screwing with their heads??
Posted: 7/4/2008 4:41:48 PM
I used to go to the bar with a couple of girlfriends when I had a steady boyfriend (10 years). Like you, we trusted each other. I love to dance, but I would never slow dance with anyone except my boyfriend, but never encountered the problem you had. I think maybe this guy has a few screws loose. Why on earth should anyone have to dress down to go out? Wonder what his excuse to blow up would have been if you didn't have a boyfriend, and refused to allow him to kiss you? I'd just write it off as someone who doesn't take rejection well. Sounds like the type that when you are polite enough to tell them you are not a match write you a nasty note back!
 tchofclas
Joined: 12/24/2005
Msg: 32 (view)
 
would you like a strip tease for your bday?
Posted: 6/21/2008 12:15:51 PM
you could check out this site for tips!http://love.ivillage.com/lnssex/sextaboos/0,,traceycox_9h6btcrf,00.html
 tchofclas
Joined: 12/24/2005
Msg: 48 (view)
 
How to turn Friends with Benefit into a relationship.......
Posted: 6/20/2008 4:53:19 PM
Read some of the other forums on FWB. It is probably a low percentage, but it has worked for some people. You will find on the other threads, that like this one, there are a lot of people who confuse FB with FRIENDS with benefits, and there is a difference. That said, your situation does not sound like a normal friends with benefits, there is much more to it, and is definitely not FB. Anyone who has been in a bad relationship can be "gun shy". Pushing for more too fast may take him right back to remembering the bad things about a former relationship. Since you really feel for the guy, and it's not like you don't have a lot of time ahead of you, patience may get you exactly what you want. As for the Ann Landers advice, she was famous for asking you to ask yourself "Are you better off with him, or without him?" Only you can decide that.
As for the OLD cliche, which should have gone out shortly after the Model T, Why buy the cow if the milk is free, any woman knows you don't have to buy the whole pig to get a little sausage, either. that said, there are plenty of men who will 'buy the cow to make sure no one else is milking it!"
 tchofclas
Joined: 12/24/2005
Msg: 35 (view)
 
attracting older women vs younger women
Posted: 6/15/2008 7:08:39 AM
Maybe the who viewed your profile needs to come with a timer, lol. If someone just clicks for a minute or two, depending on how long your profile is, or a few seconds, maybe that might be a better indicator of their interest, or lack thereof. And yes, the thumbnail pics are very deceiving, 'specially for us old gals who haven't updated their glasses lately. Seriously, anyone who post's on the forums is bound to have more viewings from both male and female, kind of like checking out the background of where a poster's coming from.
 tchofclas
Joined: 12/24/2005
Msg: 63 (view)
 
Boyfriend or Not?
Posted: 6/14/2008 11:39:06 AM
Sometimes the advice on here makes me believe the old adage, you get what you pay for. Are most of you people illiterate? She is NOT in a FWB situation, that involves sex, does it not?
Did you actually read any of her posts?
I think the best advice you got was to introduce him by name. Don't worry about labels. If you really like him, and can live with a slower pace, go for it. You are young, and don't need to be in a rush. The people who actually read what you have written may have some good advice, but I wouldn't worry about what all the fwb bashers say, because they are so intent on bashing someone else's success in finding someone they can relate to they can't see the forest for the trees. Because they assumed sex was involved they did what assuming things normally does, makes one look like an a$$, no offense to the animal of the same name.
Sounds like he has been treating you decent, and yes, there are still some shy virgins out there, more power to him. I'd go with my heart, and see where it takes me!
 tchofclas
Joined: 12/24/2005
Msg: 33 (view)
 
living with someone
Posted: 6/9/2008 4:09:32 PM
In Ontario, Canada, if you live together 3 months, it can be viewed as married. My lawyer told me to never allow someone to pay mortgage, or utilities, as they can then make a claim on the property. My ex tried to claim he'd earned part of the farm by by the work equity he'd put into it He was a long haul truck driver, on the road a lot, and not only didn't pay rent, but never made the payments on the truck I financed, so I sold it. Fortunately there has already been a precedent set in this situation, though my argument would have been if you are working for someone, normally you do the work you are assigned, not what you happen to feel like doing that day.
So if you happen to live in this province, if you don't get an agreement drawn up first, you are much safer charging rent! And better safe than having the stars in your eyes turn into irritating salt!
 tchofclas
Joined: 12/24/2005
Msg: 13 (view)
 
do or dont i
Posted: 6/9/2008 3:42:20 PM
If I am not mistaken, Melbourne is in Australia, so the housing market is probably a lot different than either the US, or Canada, and no doubt the divorce laws are a lot different as well. I would think you would be best to talk to a lawyer, and know your legal rights first, then you can make a better decision. If you were in Ontario, the matrimonial home has to be split, so either it is put up for sale, or one buys the other out.
 tchofclas
Joined: 12/24/2005
Msg: 12 (view)
 
Does the past define your Future?
Posted: 6/7/2008 9:18:58 AM
We seek what we are familiar with, therefore we are influenced a lot by our upbringing/environment, but I think the jury is still out as to whether heredity or environment has the biggest influence on us. I read once of identical twins who were separated and adopted at birth. One went on to become very well educated and an outstanding citizen, the other was a complete failure at life and everything else.
when they were interviewed later, each came up with the same answer to the question of why they were the person they were. "How could I have been anything else?" In the end I think it comes down to your own perception of yourself!
 tchofclas
Joined: 12/24/2005
Msg: 65 (view)
 
Is exotic dancing prostitution?
Posted: 4/30/2008 6:04:11 AM
You can rarely judge a book by it's cover, or even uncovered, for that matter. I don't believe exotic dancing is prostitution, but am well aware that some dancers are full service. That does not make all dancers prostitutes, any more than it makes all waitress, or all Walmart cashiers prostitutes if one or more of them does it on the side.
For vicious_vixen: apparently your friends are not tax payers. Any honest dancer does pay taxes,same as honest waitresses/waiters etc pay taxes on their tips. Therefore your argument that they have no security in their job is wrong, and some do it as a lifelong profession, and do very well. Some people win a million dollars and are broke in less than 5 years. It all depends on how you manage what you have. And you are right that it only takes one bad apple to spoil the barrel. One full service girl in a club makes it very difficult for the real dancers. And they still have to pay the fees to the club whether they actually make any money on their shift
One of the earlier posters mentioned talking to a girl who was well educated, and just talked to him. He may well have been talking about a friend of mine who danced in almost every state and province, put herself through college, and invested her money well.
Unlike some posters here, I've never believed it is my right to judge others on their vocation, weight, or lifestyles I would not choose for my own. If I could walk in their shoes, I might have a better understanding, but since as yet in this life that is an impossibility, I think we should worry more about how we live our own lives, rather than trying to make someone else fit into our self fashioned mold.
 tchofclas
Joined: 12/24/2005
Msg: 10 (view)
 
Thank you - I didn't break the rule!
Posted: 4/28/2008 3:38:10 PM
This is exactly why my profile says I prefer someone into horses. I have had the "I can learn, I really like horses", but it is not the same. And I don't believe there is a decent woman on this site who would put up with a man telling her how she should raise her kids. To a real horseman/woman, horses are much the same as your kids. And a lot like your kids, they will be there for you before and after the chaff is sifted. If a man is going to be jealous of the time my critters take, he is obviously not the man for me.
If the lady is from this site, I'd like her to know there are men out there who do understand, and some actually are cool with it even if they aren't totally into horses. The best relationship in my past, which lasted almost 10 years, was with a man who was as busy as I was. As well as owning a lot of horses, I've always had a full time job where I rarely worked less than 50 hours a week. He was very supportive, and to this day, almost 18 years later,we are still good friends, and he is still a better father to my son than his biological dad ever was/is.
So my advice to men who are jealous of the time and care animals take, pass on the women who are into them. You will be doing both of you a favor. If you can live with it, you will more than likely find a woman who is more responsible, reliable, caring, and compassionate than any other you have ever met.
To the op, you weren't comfortable introducing your daughter to this woman. That tells me you weren't that committed, yet you expected her to put you first on her list?
As we mature, we hopefully become more honest with ourselves, and know the difference between what we require in a relationship, and settling. Personally, I've found my cats are a pretty good judge of character, lol. So first you have to pass the cat test!
And I've recently met someone who is as busy as me, has relatively the same amount of critters, and he's passes not only the cat test, but all my critters love him. We'll see where it goes.
So to those committed to their animals, male or female, don't give up. There are people out there who actually get it.
And to those who are about to bash me for saying animals are like kids, kids grow up, and move on in their lives.They meet someone who becomes a significant other, marry, or co habitate, and parents become less important.There is a reason people who have animals live longer lives, and the best part of it is we are actually living our lives, not just existing. I am sure my critters are the reason all my vitals are lower than someone 32 years younger,(My son) and never fail to amaze a new to me doctor. And I am way more fit and have no problem outworking people much lower in age.
 tchofclas
Joined: 12/24/2005
Msg: 369 (view)
 
Why is it so hard to find a relationship when one is middle aged?
Posted: 4/12/2008 12:41:48 PM
I think it is interesting that so many people would, if they were to chop their leg with an axe, would rush to the hospital to get stitches, though with a little common sense, and care, with time it would have healed. However, after a bad breakup, death, divorce, they refuse to seek help to heal their mind, even though, in spite of time passing, they may never heal properly. If more people were to seek counseling after a major emotional trauma, we'd all be better off. There is a reason why the Railroads send employees for counseling after a major wreck, or a train hitting someone. People wouldn't continue to train as psychologists, psychiatrists, if there weren't a need for them. It can be a great shortcut to dispense with baggage, and reveal what mistakes you've made in the past, and how to prevent repeating them. As one poster has already mentioned, if you are having a problem finding someone, maybe it is not them, maybe it's you. This is something one never wants to hear, or have to acknowledge, but sometimes a little professional help can work wonders, and even if you don't find the ideal relationship immediately, you will be much happier with your own company., and more open to the right person when they do come along.
As to settling for someone you don't find attractive, I think that is as bigger recipe for disaster than wanting someone with chemistry. As has already been mentioned, and I do believe, attraction is not really a choice. You may be able to delude yourself into thinking someone actually became more attractive after time spent, but when things start to become difficult, those rose colored glasses may suddenly become clear again, and it will be "run, Forest, run!"
 tchofclas
Joined: 12/24/2005
Msg: 13 (view)
 
Farmer fed his missus to pigs
Posted: 4/9/2008 7:12:35 PM
To mfrotyl, actually, goats are very fussy about what they eat. They will not even eat hay that has been walked on, though if you plant a new shrub, flower, etc., they are sure you put it there especially for them. However, were you to follow a chicken around for a day, yo'd probably never eat eggs again, never mind chicken!
 tchofclas
Joined: 12/24/2005
Msg: 342 (view)
 
Men Blacklisting Women??
Posted: 4/4/2008 4:03:27 PM
To the guys who still don't get it, favoritizing someone is not likely to get you an email in reply: I believe someone said "The definition of insanity is doing the same thing over and over, and expecting different results!"
 
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