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 Author Thread: Women Don't Know What They Want
 whiterose0
Joined: 2/3/2009
Msg: 154 (view)
 
Women Don't Know What They Want
Posted: 1/21/2019 3:12:34 PM

Yes, but we only experience this as a man or a woman . THe OP is a man dealing with women, so thats how the discussion will go.


That's considered "gender bashing", and it's against forum rules. The OP can talk about his experiences with a specific woman or women he dated, but he shouldn't make blanket statements about the entire female gender, i.e. "Women don't know what they want".
 whiterose0
Joined: 2/3/2009
Msg: 30 (view)
 
wow
Posted: 1/21/2019 3:00:49 PM

Can you by any chance, explain to me how to box in quotes?


Example: {quote} The sentence you are quoting {/quote}

When you quote, substitute [ ] [/] in place of { } {/}.

 whiterose0
Joined: 2/3/2009
Msg: 150 (view)
 
Women Don't Know What They Want
Posted: 1/21/2019 11:37:06 AM

I know EXACTLY who I am and what I want!!! That's why I rarely any messages. Seems like most are looking for someone young and dumb that they can take advantage of.


Perhaps you're rarely getting messages from men because they're turned off by the fact that you were crass enough to put a racial preference in your profile. You could be coming across as racist to certain people, including the white men you want to meet.
 whiterose0
Joined: 2/3/2009
Msg: 28 (view)
 
wow
Posted: 1/21/2019 11:26:29 AM
^^^^ The OP's profile has been gone for several days. It's doubtful he even read that.
 whiterose0
Joined: 2/3/2009
Msg: 30 (view)
 
DIabetes and dating
Posted: 1/15/2019 3:17:47 PM
^^^ Some diabetics respond favorably to a ketogenic diet, and can even get off insulin.
 whiterose0
Joined: 2/3/2009
Msg: 26 (view)
 
wow
Posted: 1/15/2019 8:21:11 AM

Lol the only problem is she actually doesn't have a boyfriend. She just got done telling me that over the phone cell lol lol


Didn't you say in your opening post that she said you could come over to her apartment almost any time on Friday while she's at a boyfriend's house?
 whiterose0
Joined: 2/3/2009
Msg: 3 (view)
 
Somethng scientific research turned up
Posted: 1/14/2019 9:09:22 AM

This questions the similarities between people thinking of officially starting a relationship and just a one-night stand, as this difference or similarity may not be immediately obvious, to those directly involved.


Do you have a question for us, OP?
 whiterose0
Joined: 2/3/2009
Msg: 263 (view)
 
'Younger' older women. Why?
Posted: 1/13/2019 12:26:20 PM

I am seeing more and more young people who are overweight and other factors that make them look much older than they are. When it comes to make up, I have always gone with less is better. In today's society, I think far too much emphasis is put on make up. I see young women who are much more attractive without it, or at least with less. But they won't realize that until years from now looking back. Also I see more of them putting more emphasis on making up their face and nails than in keeping a healthy body weight.


This is true, although I see it more often with older women than with younger ones.
 whiterose0
Joined: 2/3/2009
Msg: 19 (view)
 
Very Fancy Restaurant for Second Date?
Posted: 1/13/2019 12:18:09 PM

To minimize any unpleasant odors after a night of bar-hopping, it helps to take a quick shower together before going "downtown".


Perhaps she was a "lights off" girl?
 whiterose0
Joined: 2/3/2009
Msg: 18 (view)
 
How to respond to her; she is mirroring me
Posted: 1/11/2019 1:43:17 PM

If I texted her 3-4 days later citing that I had been busy, she'd respond that she had been busy too. We'd be talking about hanging out, and she would agree to hang out and I would drop off (BasedZeus and many other gurus, leave her wondering a bit, it works, girls do it to us all the time, I think she is gaming me now), text her some time later citing how busy I was (legitimately) and she would respond back that she has been busy too, and kind of play hard to get/back off just a bit almost as if she was taking two steps forward and one step back like so many of the gurus teach. She has game IMO. I think about her more than all the other girls I'm dating combined...


I think her playing hard-to-get with you appears to be paying off for her. You've written enough about her to fill a small book. She gets to live in a big space inside your head rent-free. It must be quite the ego boost for her.

My suggestion is that you become even less available. Stop chasing her and asking her to hang out. Keep on dating other girls and up fill your time so that you're not overly focused on her. Who knows ... perhaps you'll meet another girl whom you like better, who doesn't play these immature, sophomoric games.
 whiterose0
Joined: 2/3/2009
Msg: 15 (view)
 
wow
Posted: 1/11/2019 11:13:28 AM
No, I don't think that's a good idea. You need to keep your distance from her. She's playing games.

Why would you have the key to her apartment, anyway?
 whiterose0
Joined: 2/3/2009
Msg: 12 (view)
 
Very Fancy Restaurant for Second Date?
Posted: 1/11/2019 11:02:08 AM

I went back to her place and we got physical, but I sort of blew it at the end. I drank WAY TOO MUCH truth serum and for some idiotic reason thought it was okay to tell her she smelled like cottage cheese downstairs when I was going down on her. That pretty much ruined the mood of the night and I was eventually asked to leave. Long story short gentleman, don't tell women that they smell unpleasant down there and don't get too drunk on a date.


Whew ... this thread sure has degenerated. How did you go from contemplating taking your date to a fancy restaurant, to complaining that her privates stank?

Methinks this is just another troll post, along with all the past ones you've started.
 whiterose0
Joined: 2/3/2009
Msg: 309 (view)
 
Older men's expectations
Posted: 1/9/2019 10:19:54 AM

I'm starting to suspect a lot of older gals are lying about their ages though to attract younger men.


The only benefit I can see in lying about one's age in the profile would be to bypass the age restrictions to contact younger people. Still, that's no guarantee that they'll be interested.
 whiterose0
Joined: 2/3/2009
Msg: 2 (view)
 
Very Fancy Restaurant for Second Date?
Posted: 1/9/2019 7:39:05 AM
I think it's too soon. She might perceive you as "trying too hard" to impress her. Secondly, you might set a precedent with her where she always expects to be treated to high-end dates.

I would suggest waiting until you've had more dates with her before springing for an expensive dinner. After four or more dates, you will better be able to decide if you like her well enough to do this.
 whiterose0
Joined: 2/3/2009
Msg: 17 (view)
 
Living with parents... a turn off?
Posted: 1/8/2019 11:55:14 AM

and even go as far as the occasional coffee out.


This suggests that you can't afford more than coffee on a date.


I did have my own place for years. Struggling to go for a lunch date with a friend as you are busy paying off a strangers mortgage was a killer for me.


This suggests that you couldn't afford to date when had your own place.

I wouldn't mind dating a man living with his parents if he were taking care of them. I would NOT be interested in a man living with his parents because he couldn't afford to live on his own.

A man who wasn't financially secure wouldn't appeal to me.
 whiterose0
Joined: 2/3/2009
Msg: 25 (view)
 
Women can't hold conversations, that's why they're here
Posted: 1/8/2019 11:04:01 AM
OP, many young people on POF use their cell phones rather than their computers to message each other. That's one of the reasons why conversations tend to be short. It's not that they're not interested; they may just be bad at texting or typing on the phone. Have you ever attempted to type a message on your cell phone as long as the one you posted here?

My suggestion is that you try to steer women to phone conversation as soon as possible. You might find that they are better conversationalists on the phone than they are online. It's also a good way to gauge interest level.
 whiterose0
Joined: 2/3/2009
Msg: 86 (view)
 
You can't glue something back that won't stick
Posted: 1/7/2019 2:02:51 PM

I don't this is likely to happen anytime soon. In other words, when he said he had feelings for me but wasn't in a great emotional space to be in a relationship I don't think he was making it up.

Of course it will happen eventually...that we will both move on. My friend asked today if I thought remaining friends would prevent me from dating others. I said no...if the possibility of a date with another person arose, I would be open to it. And that's true! I'm open to meeting and dating others. I would also like to try being friends with this guy - I suppose time will tell if it's truly possible.


I don't see any reason why you can't remain on friendly terms with him, but I don't think it's a good idea to meet him for coffee or any other get-togethers. He hurt you, or you wouldn't have started this thread.

If you see him, you're not going to heal and get over him. He's usurping your valuable time and energy, which you should be reserving for other more important things - like dating men you might have a future with.
 whiterose0
Joined: 2/3/2009
Msg: 84 (view)
 
and can i glue it back on
Posted: 1/7/2019 11:40:39 AM

So how is taking him up on that leading him on? :)


I think YOU are the one who will get hurt by keeping him as a friend. You're the one who wanted more. He will soon meet another woman and you'll hear all the gory details from him.

I still think you should make a clean break from him so you're free to focus your emotional energy on meeting a man who wants to be with you in a relationship.
 whiterose0
Joined: 2/3/2009
Msg: 58 (view)
 
What's Your DMV?
Posted: 1/4/2019 9:34:34 AM

whiterose:

You know your score by the marketplace. It tells you.


How so? Unless the "marketplace" is standardized like an IQ test, there's no way to accurately measure your score. Your own opinion of your dating market value is meaningless, since others might not agree with you. A person's DMV is subjective, and can't be measured.


I had a great first date with a 60-year-old. She won't date me again because I voted for Trump. Go figure.


I rest my case.
 whiterose0
Joined: 2/3/2009
Msg: 54 (view)
 
What's Your DMV?
Posted: 1/3/2019 10:56:33 AM

So if I'd found out my DMV was much lower than I thought, the original post would be acceptable? Somehow, because my score was higher than expected, I'm "bragging"?


Your statement begs the question: How do you know what your "score" is?
 whiterose0
Joined: 2/3/2009
Msg: 6 (view)
 
Annoyed with self and him
Posted: 1/3/2019 10:44:32 AM
OP, do you have any updates for us?

If this guy was scared off by your intensity, he probably wasn't right for you, anyway.
 whiterose0
Joined: 2/3/2009
Msg: 43 (view)
 
What's Your DMV?
Posted: 12/31/2018 8:22:44 AM

- Hair does not matter in dating for men..........I get just as many dates sporting hair as I do without hair.


That's nice of you to be willing to date women without hair. 😉
 whiterose0
Joined: 2/3/2009
Msg: 39 (view)
 
What's Your DMV?
Posted: 12/30/2018 6:42:48 PM

If you're not getting any dates, you may want to look in the mirror. You may want to lose weight. You may want to smile more, whatever. Or continue to not care as to what potential dates think about you and be lonely.


If you want to lose weight and get healthier, that's fine, but you should do it for yourself. Losing weight to try to please someone else rarely works. Same thing with smiling. If your teeth look worn down, crooked, missing, or stained, and you don't smile because you're self-conscious about them, then get cosmetic dentistry - but again, you should do it to feel better about yourself, NOT to try to get dates.
 whiterose0
Joined: 2/3/2009
Msg: 12 (view)
 
Philospohy about responding to a Viewed Me.
Posted: 12/29/2018 11:58:56 AM
The thumbnails are often tiny and taken from a distance. We can't always glean enough information from the thumbnail alone, and will need to click on the profile to see what the man actually looks like. Upon viewing it, we might not necessarily like what we see.

Contact a woman if you're interested in her, but don't base your decision on a profile view. Some women view ALL the profiles that show up in their searches.
 whiterose0
Joined: 2/3/2009
Msg: 31 (view)
 
What's Your DMV?
Posted: 12/29/2018 9:40:28 AM

The point of the post is for readers to introspect enough to find out where they really are on the scale, not where they believe they should be and take actions to improve their placement.


But why should you care where others think they are on the scale, or whether or not they take action? You only need to be concerned about where you are on the scale. I think the crux of the matter with you is that you've been dismissed by women whom you feel don't know their place on the scale, and you don't like it.

Maybe you were told you were too short or too old by women whom you considered to be your equal or lower on the scale than you. How dare that big-butted woman reject me!

Not every woman out there is going to find you attractive, regardless of what you perceive her DMV to be. The best thing to do is keep fishing until you find one who is. You should be focusing your mental energy on the women who are attracted to you - not the ones who aren't.
 whiterose0
Joined: 2/3/2009
Msg: 27 (view)
 
What's Your DMV?
Posted: 12/28/2018 2:33:41 PM
^^^ I skimmed over the OP's opening post because I thought it was too long. Now that you mention it, his post does come across as condescending. He's admonishing older women for not wanting to date a man such as himself. He's insinuating that older women's "dating market value" is lower than his, therefore, they don't have the right to be so picky.

Methinks his post is just another rant disguised as "dating advice".
 whiterose0
Joined: 2/3/2009
Msg: 23 (view)
 
What's Your DMV?
Posted: 12/28/2018 12:20:12 PM

I usually don't date foreigners, they are just not my type - that's why I say I would not date her.


Cameron Diaz and Eva Mendes are Cuban. No doubt you'd kick them out of bed.


I agree that men can date younger women - it widens their dating pool and increases their chances of finding someone. However, I often see guys trying to date much younger women as a rule, and that can be difficult unless they have some seriously good game and looks - so it's often a waste of time for them.


Speak for yourself. The truth is that the OP is not a bad-looking guy for 63. He's in reasonably good shape and still has most of his hair. I can understand where some younger women might find him attractive. I'm not a fan of bragging, myself, but some women like it. They view it as self-confidence.
 whiterose0
Joined: 2/3/2009
Msg: 20 (view)
 
What's Your DMV?
Posted: 12/28/2018 11:08:14 AM


My Cuban "foreigner" is a legal resident and is finishing her Master's degree. Smart and hot.


- Smart and hot. Please. Millions of women are smart and hot...... so what? I still would not date her. But I'm not one of those easy guys.


Hemingway, you sound a wee bit smug and judgmental to me. How do you know you wouldn't date her, since you've never met her? She probably wouldn't want to date you, either. I see nothing wrong with older men dating younger women, assuming they can still attract them.
 whiterose0
Joined: 2/3/2009
Msg: 45 (view)
 
What are things you see in dating profiles that will make you sadly skip past them?
Posted: 12/28/2018 10:25:41 AM

Someone who is super into sports. I don't like sports. Blaring football games on TV was the soundtrack of my childhood, and I can't stand that sound. I am always perplexed when I see a man shouting at the TV when sports are on. Some men jump around, and act crazy over sports on TV, showing more emotion than at any other thing that has ever happened in their lives.


Bingo. This was what I meant in message 22 about not being interested in men who watched televised sports. I personally find men heavily into watching sports to be boring.

Maybe they don't think they're boring, and there are plenty of women out there who are sports fans who don't think they're boring. Let the sports fans find each other. I just happen not to be one of them.
 whiterose0
Joined: 2/3/2009
Msg: 61 (view)
 
*trigger* Have I broken it off too soon?
Posted: 12/28/2018 9:52:25 AM

Kind of Off Topic here<<<

I can understand having a secret crush on a married guy, or some guy who 'doesn't know I exist'
BUT I have never understood the attraction some women seem to have for gay men~
I just don't get it. On so many levels I don't get it.
As a friend 'crush', fine---but a 'sexual crush'????
No way.
Can anyone explain it to me?


Clytemnestra - I suspect that most women get involved with gay men unknowingly. By the time they find out he's gay, they're already emotionally involved. The man could be closeted or conflicted about his sexuality.

Back on topic: I wish the OP would come back to give us an update on her situation with her ambivalent man.
 whiterose0
Joined: 2/3/2009
Msg: 29 (view)
 
*trigger* Have I broken it off too soon?
Posted: 12/26/2018 8:11:04 PM

At the end he said `I think i want to keep dating for now` but sounded so ambivalent i told him i wanted to end it but we could remain friends. The wishy washy behaviour has been difficult to bear.

Since then, we have met twice as friends. I`ve noticed he is still touchy feel and complimentary, still gives `the look`. But what was i going to do after he said he was unsure about his feelings towards me? Have I done the right thing for now?


No, I think you should cease all communication with him. Don't tell him you want to remain friends - that's just as big an example of wishy-washy behavior as his. You're only prolonging the pain, and inevitable split, which isn't fair to you or to him.

Rip the band-aid off and make a clean break from him.
 whiterose0
Joined: 2/3/2009
Msg: 20 (view)
 
Reconnect w/ a date from many, many years ago
Posted: 12/26/2018 8:38:27 AM
Good luck, TEXASCHICK. I hope things work out with him.
 whiterose0
Joined: 2/3/2009
Msg: 38 (view)
 
What are things you see in dating profiles that will make you sadly skip past them?
Posted: 12/26/2018 7:47:20 AM

Any mention of the desired height as although I fall into the percentage of those over 6ft I see it as shallow as me stating a cup size ( bet that would go over well)


Women will also see it as shallow for you to set your age filter to "Younger than 20" when you're supposedly 51. Not that it will get you anywhere, since you can't contact women outside the site imposed +/- 14-year age restrictions.
 whiterose0
Joined: 2/3/2009
Msg: 2 (view)
 
Anybody here use a dental dam?
Posted: 12/21/2018 1:46:00 PM
I've never used one, but you might get better answers posing your question in the Sex and Sexuality Issues forum:

https://forums.plentyoffish.com/datingForum8.aspx

https://forums.plentyoffish.com/datingPosts12170422.aspx
 whiterose0
Joined: 2/3/2009
Msg: 6 (view)
 
Is this girl testing my nerves ?? Please advice !
Posted: 12/21/2018 1:39:32 PM
You've already asked her out twice, and both times she shut you down. I suggest you not contact her again. The ball's in her court now, although I wouldn't get your hopes up waiting to hear from her again. For whatever reason, her interest in you appears to have diminished.
 whiterose0
Joined: 2/3/2009
Msg: 45 (view)
 
blocked
Posted: 12/21/2018 10:38:44 AM

Sometimes women change their pics and we think it is a new person we haven't contacted and not the same old person.


I didn't usually block men who messaged me again after I didn't reply to their first message, assuming a few months had passed between messages. I didn't change my pictures very often, so that excuse wasn't there.

If I received multiple messages from the same man that were just a few days or weeks apart, I might block. I'd figure he remembered me, but was just overly pushy - OR he mass-messaged a lot of women. Either way, he'd come across to me as a pest.
 whiterose0
Joined: 2/3/2009
Msg: 15 (view)
 
Reconnect w/ a date from many, many years ago
Posted: 12/20/2018 12:14:39 PM

I'm telling you, once you fall out of love with a particular person, you will never get it back.

To find love, you have to start out with a clean slate, a new person.


The OP stated that she dated the guy - not that she was in love with him. It's possible that love could develop between them over time.
 whiterose0
Joined: 2/3/2009
Msg: 40 (view)
 
blocked
Posted: 12/20/2018 7:59:28 AM

I don't want to contact them again and I could forget as time passes they could complain i'm bothering them.


Sounds like a low self-esteem issue to me. Put on your big boy pants and get over it. Blocking those women for that reason is childish.
 whiterose0
Joined: 2/3/2009
Msg: 4 (view)
 
Dismissed Without Warning
Posted: 12/17/2018 2:31:08 PM
He could have blocked you or his profile was deleted - although the "No Internet Connection" is a mystery. I've never seen that before.
 whiterose0
Joined: 2/3/2009
Msg: 5 (view)
 
Reconnect w/ a date from many, many years ago
Posted: 12/17/2018 12:45:34 PM
The experiences I had were positive only if the man and I parted ways amicably. If not, I wasn't receptive to being contacted again, no matter how many years had passed.
 whiterose0
Joined: 2/3/2009
Msg: 3 (view)
 
Please review my profile.
Posted: 12/17/2018 11:37:15 AM
I'm not a fan of the second photo with you holding a child with her face scribbled out with black marker. It's not an attractive presentation. I'd suggest either cropping her out of the picture, or removing it.
 whiterose0
Joined: 2/3/2009
Msg: 13 (view)
 
blocked
Posted: 12/17/2018 7:39:20 AM
They blocked you because there is something about your profile that turned them off, and they want no further contact. It might cut down on the blocks if you got a profile review and better photos. You're not smiling in any of them, and you give off an unfriendly vibe.

If you're going to post photos of your cats, you need to be in the photos, too. Also, many women don't respond very positively to "hello" messages. You need to write something more substantial. Mention any common interests you might have, along with things you like about their profile.
 whiterose0
Joined: 2/3/2009
Msg: 8 (view)
 
How do you meet someone nice and genuine?
Posted: 12/15/2018 10:57:58 AM
The genuinely nice single guys are looking for genuinely nice single ladies - not ones who are still married.
 whiterose0
Joined: 2/3/2009
Msg: 24 (view)
 
She's great but... she doesn't like bacon!
Posted: 12/14/2018 12:11:38 PM
July, this cooking issue wouldn't necessarily come up right away with men you're casually dating. By the time you feel comfortable enough with a man to invite him over for home-cooked meals, you should know him well enough to be able to compromise and prepare him foods that you know he'd enjoy.

What if you discovered he wasn't fussy, but had a gluten intolerance or some other type of food allergy that prevented him from eating certain things? Would you dump him then?
 whiterose0
Joined: 2/3/2009
Msg: 29 (view)
 
What are things you see in dating profiles that will make you sadly skip past them?
Posted: 12/13/2018 8:11:35 AM

Yes. It's okay to have some requirements or dealbreakers. But for the most part, that should be based on things that are objective or clearly written in the profile. Such as a person stating that (s)he is a smoker in the profile and you want to date a non-smoker.


I disagree. There are certain deal-breakers for me which are not normally mentioned in profiles. Having opposite political beliefs from mine is a big one. I would ask questions concerning my deal-breakers early on to screen out unsuitable prospects.
 whiterose0
Joined: 2/3/2009
Msg: 12 (view)
 
Profile Review
Posted: 12/12/2018 9:51:08 AM
OP, since you've never had kids and want them, I don't think your under 45 age preference is an issue. I think the sentence about having your own teeth and hair is an overused cliché, and it's a bit of a turn-off.

You have pictures of yourself smiling, so I think women can make that determination from those. Mentioning your hair loss is not cute; it makes you sound insecure about it.
 whiterose0
Joined: 2/3/2009
Msg: 15 (view)
 
How do I word this?
Posted: 12/12/2018 8:10:54 AM

Answering hi there or hi sexy messages isn't what I'm on about. Those type of messages aren't worth the time and are mundane. All I'm saying is if a guy makes the effort to properly construct a first message then act appropriately. People have feeling and emotions and sometimes just a little bit of humanity served their way can make a big difference.


Oh, so if someone sends a short message, it's okay to ignore them, but if someone takes the time to write a longer message, they deserve a response? All people have feelings and emotions, regardless of the length of their messages.

I agree with Penny. I think not responding to those you're not interested in is less hurtful than sending a rejection message. Women often get rude messages from men when they reject them, no matter how politely they do it. Where is the men's humanity?
 whiterose0
Joined: 2/3/2009
Msg: 6 (view)
 
How do I word this?
Posted: 12/11/2018 11:25:38 AM
^^^ You said you are not attracted to large women. Realistically, most women your age (mid-forties) are going to have to watch their diet and do some kind of regular physical activity in order to keep weight off. The metabolism slows down after age 40. Another way around this is to date much younger women.
 whiterose0
Joined: 2/3/2009
Msg: 4 (view)
 
How do I word this?
Posted: 12/11/2018 10:18:04 AM

I take pride in my appearance (I don’t just mean wearing socks that match..!) and work in Law which I love tremendously. I enjoy the cinema, comedy clubs, and I like to get to the gym 3-4 times a week but I’m no posing gym-bunny! I have a few gym pics on my profile but all with my shirt ON! And it doesn’t mean I’m only looking for someone with an interest in fitness, although an active lifestyle might be a bonus :-)


I would not be so vague about wanting a woman with an active lifestyle. It's more than just a bonus for you - it's a requirement. The way you have it worded is an open door for women who are not active or physically fit to contact you. I'd consider rewording the above paragraph somewhere more along these lines:

"I take pride in my appearance (I don’t just mean wearing socks that match..!) and I’m looking for a woman who feels the same way. I like to get to the gym 3-4 times a week, although I’m not a gym-bunny. I’d like to meet a woman who shares my interest in staying fit. I work in law, which I love tremendously. I also enjoy the cinema, and comedy clubs."
 whiterose0
Joined: 2/3/2009
Msg: 6 (view)
 
She's great but... she doesn't like bacon!
Posted: 12/10/2018 11:11:52 AM
If she doesn't enjoy a single type of meat, I don't think that would be issue. If she's a vegan, I could understand where the two of you might not be compatible.

I can't stand the taste and smell of liver, but my mate loves it. I just leave the house for awhile when he cooks it for himself, until the smell dissipates.
 
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