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 Author Thread: Does ANYONE out there actually fantasize about the person they're with?
 eltonbuddha
Joined: 2/5/2009
Msg: 35 (view)
 
Does ANYONE out there actually fantasize about the person they're with?
Posted: 11/13/2010 4:11:54 PM
For the first three years of my former marriage, I only fantasized about my wife. It's true that she was extremely hot and a Scorpio, but still, there was no lack of other attractive women around that could have entered my fantasies, but none did. That is, none did till sex in our marriage completely stopped in the 4th year. She shut down so completely I couldn't imagine being sexual with her again, so my imagination turned to other beauties.
 eltonbuddha
Joined: 2/5/2009
Msg: 46 (view)
 
Spontaneous, full-body orgasm - have you had one?
Posted: 11/13/2010 4:04:02 PM
I have had several, and not always during sex. The first one was during a process called "re-birthing". There was no ejaculation, but every muscle and organ in my body was writhing in almost unbearable pleasure. It may possibly have helped that the facilitator of this treatment was an attractive blond gal. At any rate, I felt like I knew after that how it's possible for a woman to have orgasmic climaxes anywhere or everywhere in her body, and repeatedly as well since there was no "expenditure" of vital fluids that needed to be replenished.

I've also had several non-ejaculatory FBOs when high on weed and/or 'shrooms while getting contact highs from the sexual energy of a couple friends having hot sex right next to me.

Oddly, I haven't had quite that kind of experience having sex with a woman. Close, but not quite. Maybe because there's too much focus on genital sensation at these times, but that's just a guess.
 eltonbuddha
Joined: 2/5/2009
Msg: 11 (view)
 
How important is talking a fair amount or alot?
Posted: 11/9/2010 9:16:04 PM

I have known some young men that had a lot of fears about talking. One of them overcame it by going to an organization called Toastmasters. They primarily help people overcome a fear of public speaking, but it can also be a cure for some that are shy and have trouble "getting out of their shell".


This is a brilliant suggestion from Mistress Chill, OP. You might consider Toastmasters for yourself as well. I'm a former member myself and found the experience invaluable. It's a very inexpensive way to quickly improve your ability to speak (and listen!). There's no way you'll "suck at talking" after a year or so of participating in a good club in your area.
 eltonbuddha
Joined: 2/5/2009
Msg: 192 (view)
 
Only 17% of American (USA) women like giving oral sex?
Posted: 11/9/2010 8:58:54 PM

...however what I have seen is that people tend to present themselves as more sexually liberated than they really are ..and that case just may be exaggerated when polling people from a dating site forums


Well, the OP said he got this info from Manswers who in turn were quoting a "study" done elsewhere. No mention of using dating site members as the sample population. But even on a dating site, I would expect women (which is the topic of the thread, not "people") to be a bit reticent about sounding very sexually liberated. Have you noticed what happens to threads started by women who ask questions that indicate that they like to explore sexually beyond the "missionary norm"? Even when they clearly address their question to other woman? They get buried in an avalanche of posts by oinkers (and probably a ton of ugly private messages as well).
 eltonbuddha
Joined: 2/5/2009
Msg: 7 (view)
 
profile review
Posted: 11/8/2010 1:38:42 AM
It would be easier to review if you had one. I don't see any profile connected to your user name.
 eltonbuddha
Joined: 2/5/2009
Msg: 9 (view)
 
My profile :D
Posted: 11/8/2010 1:30:21 AM
About your pics: the only one in which your face is well lit is “Night out”, and since it features another woman, it’s not the best way to show off your face (which, from what I can tell, is a very nice feature of yours). As someone else here said, a picture with a girlfriend risks having me ask – “hey, can you introduce me to your friend?” I don’t feel that way about yours BTW, but it’s something to keep in mind. The other pics obscure your face in one way or another. The one on the beach is nice but you have goggles on. The others are too dark. Usually because the background is light. You don’t want your face to be darker then the other regions in the overall composition. You want to shine. If you know what “fill flash” is on your camera, learn to use it. It forces flash in frames where the foreground will be underexposed due to bright background.

Also, the horseback pic doesn’t really add much value as a picture of you. Just says you like to ride. Maybe get a shot much closer to you with you standing next to the horse. That would be a full body shot that also conveys your love of horses.

About your “about me” section: the “I am nothing amazing” statement doesn’t get me interested. Not that you need to say you’re amazing, but selling yourself short isn’t a turn on. Don’t you want to feel you’re pretty darn special to the right guy? Even if you’re not sure about that, it doesn’t help your case to advertise your lack of confidence.

I like your humor about not owning a petrol tanker.
 eltonbuddha
Joined: 2/5/2009
Msg: 3 (view)
 
How important is talking a fair amount or alot?
Posted: 11/7/2010 11:48:52 PM
Are you talking about your own experience, or just what you've heard or read? I've been around awhile and I can't recall a single man complaining that he lost interest in a woman because she didn't talk enough. With most men, the opposite is true. They complain that the woman just won't shut up. So if you're not into talking much, you're a real prize.

Sounds like maybe you've been with some pretty questionable guys so far. But you're quite young and there's a lot of world out there.

P.S. The way you characterize yourself as "sucking" at talking speaks of a lack of confidence in yourself. There is an art to conversation, but this isn't at all a requirement for having a good connection with someone. Just be yourself and talk from there. If he doesn't seem interested in getting to know you, then show him you're interested in knowing more about him. Doesn't take a lot of talking to ask him a few things about himself. That usually puts a guy more at ease and for sure he'll find you a pretty good conversationalist since you're talking about his favorite subject!
 eltonbuddha
Joined: 2/5/2009
Msg: 42 (view)
 
What to do when feeling disconnected? (Specific situation)
Posted: 11/7/2010 11:16:59 PM
I think I understand your defensiveness and hurt at the tone of many of the responses OP. You’re in a very tender place right now and it’s hard to hear what you don’t want to hear. You presented your situation to us at great length and detail and seek advice from others who have more experience in these matters. I read all the responses and none of them hit me as “heartless”, though I can see how they’d land on you that way. I see them as more like “tough love” from people that have gotten pretty beat up on this battlefield of love and feel pained to read a report from someone like you who seems to be brandishing her chin at the fist of the seductive monster called Romantic Love.

Of course none of us can really say what his medical condition is as well as you can, or what extenuating circumstances might explain his retreat from communication. But since you asked us for our take on this, all we can do is sniff your story and tell you what it smells like. And most people are telling you it sure doesn’t smell like a bouquet of roses, much as you dearly wish it did.

You met the guy a couple weeks ago? There’s simply no way you could possibly know him well enough to say anything about him with the degree of certainty you express. If you value the experience of those of us who are your elders on this path, please hear this: everybody lies. No exceptions. Especially in intimate relationships. Ask me if I think this or that dress makes you look fat, and you’re a girl I either care about a great deal or I want to seduce, am I going to tell you the unvarnished truth? I’m a pretty honest guy, but believe me, I’m going to finesse my answer to that one.

And a final, very delicate note: your profile mentions a health issue of your own. I commend you for the courage it took to be open about that. But I would also urge you to be cautious and vigilant with yourself about how this may make you prone to over-sympathize with guys that have health concerns. I apologize in advance if I’m way off base here. Just something in your tone of expressing about him prompted me to say this.
 eltonbuddha
Joined: 2/5/2009
Msg: 81 (view)
 
Meaningful vs Meaningless sex
Posted: 11/7/2010 9:17:18 PM
Meaningless: using sex to satisfy my needs, sexual or otherwise (such as the need to feel appreciated, worthy, connected, lovable, attractive, approved of, secure). Obligating sex to the duty of making me feel better, or to temporarily relieve suffering, pain, or tension. “Sentencing it to slave labor in the sweatshop of my neuroses.” (Robert Masters)

Meaningful: Naturally flowing from pre-existing joy, ease, and love for the partner. Ecstatic naked dance of passion, celebrating an already-present connectedness and trust.
 eltonbuddha
Joined: 2/5/2009
Msg: 190 (view)
 
Only 17% of American (USA) women like giving oral sex?
Posted: 11/7/2010 8:53:37 PM
Since my post yesterday was a reaction to a male poster who I realize now is a troll (after cooling off a bit), my OT response is that the 17% figure sounds way off. I've only had one partner (out of maybe 20 total) that was averse to giving oral, and I certainly haven't filtered my partners based on that criterion. Also, polls about sexual behavior are notoriously unreliable. Respondents tend to present themselves as more "virtuous" than they really are, and don't admit to liking things that might make them sound "slutty" to the stranger on the phone.
 eltonbuddha
Joined: 2/5/2009
Msg: 188 (view)
 
Only 17% of American (USA) women like giving oral sex?
Posted: 11/6/2010 3:17:19 PM
justdonald: gotta say I've read the entire thread, including the women's responses that evidently disgust you, and I find nothing here that could come close to justifying your breathtakingly judgemental attitude. Assuming you’re not a time traveler from the Victorian era, it would very much appear that you are the one with a “class problem”, belonging to the rapidly depleting class of men who view free spirited women from the top of their upturned and elongated noses.

I challenge you to come out from behind your sweeping generalizations and point out exactly WHICH posts you feel are dispositive for a judgement that the poster is a woman most men would decline to commit to. Or maybe you’re too “deballed” to “stand by your statements” quite that explicitly.
 eltonbuddha
Joined: 2/5/2009
Msg: 20 (view)
 
Bidets- would you use them?
Posted: 3/19/2010 8:13:29 PM
When I was designing a new house for my ex-wife and I 10 years ago she asked me to include a bidet in the master bath room. She loved it and frequently cajoled me to use it myself. I'd never had the opportunity to use one before and thought they were strictly for women anyway. Finally I tried it and was hooked right away. DIdn't use it every time since it took more time to deal with than T.P. and I always seemed to be in a hurry, but whenever I did use it it was a real treat. Felt WAY cleaner and refreshed. I had to sell that house recently and now I don't have one. Really miss it.

About using one in public - only it it was in a stall along with the toilet.
 eltonbuddha
Joined: 2/5/2009
Msg: 77 (view)
 
how many women have orgasms whil giving head
Posted: 1/27/2010 7:17:01 PM
My ex-wife claimed she did and thought it was naive of me to think that most women don't. I doubt she'd really discussed this topic with many other women, but was generalizing from her own experience. The subject came up between us when I mentioned something about Monica Lewinsky and Bill Clinton and that I wondered what Monica got out of it besides bragging rights. She looked at me like she wasn't sure I was serious, then said "she probably came like crazy". I then looked at her like I wasn't sure SHE was serious, and said something like "you're not saying a woman can cum from giving a blowjob are you"? She replied with an eyeroll and a shrug and said "of course" in a tone that suggested something like "boy have you got a lot to learn about women". (This was very early in our marriage).

I can't say I noticed whether she orgasmed when she sucked me, but I was usually too out of my gourd to notice much of anything at those times. What I DID notice for sure is that she was always much wetter after blowing me than after any other form of sex play, so much so that she avoided doing it if she was already dressed to go out because her skirt would get a wet spot pretty quickly.

I've had two previous girlfriends that preferred fellatio to anything else, and one of them obviously orgasmed from it (she was a screamer).

I should add that I'm a screamer myself - I go absolutely bonkers when I cum and have been told by many women that they've never seen a man orgasm with that much intensity. Given what some women have said on this and similar threads about what they enjoy about blowjobs, I have to say that my responsiveness may be a big factor in what has gotten some of my ex's off in this way.
 
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