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 Author Thread: Im paranoid now
 lobo_corazon
Joined: 2/6/2009
Msg: 15 (view)
 
Im paranoid now
Posted: 11/26/2009 9:02:36 PM

Do all men think this way? That as long as its discreet and behind closed doors that it somehow doesnt make them gay or bi? Do alot of men have sex with men and think that its not gay behaviour? I mean, having sex with the same sex is what makes it gay, right? Would you have sex with an available man if you couldnt have access to a female? Is that a common practice for men?

Um... No!

OK, I suppose I can only really speak for myself, but goodness... No!

Penis goes where?!? Not for me thanks.

I don't imagine too many bi guys are terribly confused about it... Not if they are actively engaged in gay sex, at least.
 lobo_corazon
Joined: 2/6/2009
Msg: 14 (view)
 
Canceling dates before even meeting - why?
Posted: 11/26/2009 8:55:24 PM
The #1 thing I've learned about "online dating" is that there's nothing of real value going on until you've met. Well, nothing you should count on anyway. People are flaky, and in this venue it's even more prevalent. Easy to talk about meeting, harder to actually get off the couch and put yourself out there for judgement I suppose. It's not my thing, as I'm pretty fearless myself... But I've had enough women flake out on me in small and more spectacular ways that I recognize the trend.

Older and wiser I suppose, if it happens to me these days I just shrug, write the flake off and move on to the next opportunity. More or less. :)
 lobo_corazon
Joined: 2/6/2009
Msg: 205 (view)
 
Have you found and then lost your soulmate?
Posted: 11/26/2009 8:39:30 PM
It's the idea that there is only one "perfect" soulmate that's faulty imo. Everyone brings a different set of stuff to the table, good and bad. Everyone has plenty of potential matches out there in the wide, wide world who could mesh wonderfully with us if we met and our timing was right.

Meet one of those people, and it falls on us to take the time to recognize the potential, then make the effort to cultivate it... And presto! A soulmate is found.
 Lobo_Corazon
Joined: 2/6/2009
Msg: 15 (view)
 
Who loves the woman more?
Posted: 6/26/2009 10:48:51 PM
Again, if I understand the scenerio, these men loved her and did not know about each other. If that is correct, then this low life sorry excuse for a human being, let alone a woman, does not deserve respect from anyone...including self respect!
Good friendship you say?????? Not unless they like being doormats and used. I would hope the poor clueless soul that she would marry would cheat on her and use her. I do believe in karma.

Or tell me, did I read this sad tale wrong?

Heh yes - Sounds like "#1 and #2" were both the OP - It was a trick question of sorts.

---
OP, it sounds like you aren't nearly as over this person as you would like to think. Cutting off contact is a very good idea though - It will help. Time does salve all wounds, including the sting of unrequited love.

As for "fighting bravely on" - A wise man picks battles that seem winable... Then if he loses, accepts graciously and applies what he's learned in a new battle.

Best of luck with it!
 Lobo_Corazon
Joined: 2/6/2009
Msg: 10 (view)
 
Who loves the woman more?
Posted: 6/23/2009 9:58:26 PM
Who loves her more is irrelevant - She's engaged to another guy who she is apparently actually attracted to.

Hopefully you've learned an important lesson from this little drama: You can't make someone be attracted to you just by wishing for it really hard. I hope you'll be able to look back (possibly with some outside observer help) and figure out what behaviors on your part got you relegated to the friend zone. Then you can avoid doing that when you meed the next object of your affection!

In the meantime, get busy looking for the next one. You sure as heck aren't going to get out of the friend zone by acting like her best girlfriend or by moping over spilt milk. I've been there... But I won't be again.
 Lobo_Corazon
Joined: 2/6/2009
Msg: 15 (view)
 
I am getting used to being SINGLE, which scares hell out of me.
Posted: 6/23/2009 9:48:10 PM
I'm not easily scared.

In any case, I have a healthy respect for self-realization and independance in others, so I figure it's a good thing that I'm that way myself!
 Lobo_Corazon
Joined: 2/6/2009
Msg: 28 (view)
 
Mainly for the guys...cause this is the root of the question girls always seem to be asking
Posted: 6/22/2009 10:38:59 PM

Sorry PDx3~...no ambiguous answers allowed. Perhaps an example or three would help.

I can give you two!

- A Russian immigrant who had lived something of an aristocratic life back home dating a mob son, told me over dinner that "She couldn't be friends with people less intelligent than her - Just didn't want to associate with them."


- Another one had a less subtle red flag - Her "toxic" ex who wouldn't take no for an answer, somehow snuck back into her bed... And got her pregnant. Um, yeah...
 Lobo_Corazon
Joined: 2/6/2009
Msg: 19 (view)
 
Saw Films = No?
Posted: 6/22/2009 10:15:42 PM
I'm with your gf on the Saw series, actually. Saw doesn't really fit the "scary movie" genre, it's kindof uniquely disturbing. The stuff we watch can change who we are.

If my s/o was fixated on Saw, I would wonder why too. I don't know anything about you so I'm not drawing any conclusions about your character - Just telling you I think she has a point.

Comparing shoe shopping to watching good people be corrupted into murderers seems a little sketchy. And as others have already advised - If you don't want to go shopping, don't do it! The relationship isn't going to benefit from you making yourself miserable "because you are trying to force yourself to spend time together".

If you find that you don't have enough common ground to spend time together doing things you both enjoy, I'd say you probably simply aren't right for each other.
 Lobo_Corazon
Joined: 2/6/2009
Msg: 11 (view)
 
When is one too compassionate?
Posted: 6/22/2009 10:05:33 PM
Sure bgrumling, but is a long string of just-a-friend exes your goal? ;)
 Lobo_Corazon
Joined: 2/6/2009
Msg: 4 (view)
 
How much emotional chemistry is needed to continue dating??
Posted: 6/21/2009 9:17:05 PM
If your needs aren't being met, move on.

If you are wracked with doubt about the relationship, move on. (Unless you have some kind of underlying issue that makes you doubt everything - If that's the case, deal with that before seeking a relationship.)
 Lobo_Corazon
Joined: 2/6/2009
Msg: 3 (view)
 
When is one too compassionate?
Posted: 6/21/2009 9:13:47 PM
I think some people are missing the point of the OP. It sounds like by showing "too much compassion", he killed whatever attraction there was and got himself dumped.

Acting like a wussy doormat is always a good way to hear those dreaded words "I like you, but just as a friend".

I'm more attracted to a woman who has her own independant thing going on, than someone who appears to be desperately looking for someone to "complete her". I can only assume many women feel the same!
 Lobo_Corazon
Joined: 2/6/2009
Msg: 11 (view)
 
Ever met somebody that u thought was the one and after a little while things did not worked out?
Posted: 6/14/2009 12:14:50 AM
Sure, who hasn't?

Except that there's always a reason!
 Lobo_Corazon
Joined: 2/6/2009
Msg: 11 (view)
 
Relationships a Distraction?
Posted: 6/14/2009 12:13:18 AM
Sure, they are a distraction. A welcome one!
 Lobo_Corazon
Joined: 2/6/2009
Msg: 46 (view)
 
So is love a choice?
Posted: 6/9/2009 8:58:38 PM

I don't think I understand what you're trying to say WG. If you "choose" to allow a spark to grow, to blossom... isn't that a choice?

People make choices. Nobody is debating that. But if it's possible to choose to start or stop loving a particular person, I haven't figured out how (and I'd be very interested in learning, because I've been in a relationship where I wish I had fallen in love with her but it just never happened!)

You mentioned encountering a couple of men who you felt you could have fallen in love with, and choosing not to pursue a relationship at the time. Are you implying that you think if you had chosen the relationship, you would automatically have fallen in love?

Choosing to pursue love (ex. signing up for a dating site with a positive attitude) doesn't guarantee love happens, and when you are in love you can't just choose to turn it off. As someone mentioned, if it were a choice, nobody would have broken hearts (except the masochists, I suppose!)
 Lobo_Corazon
Joined: 2/6/2009
Msg: 53 (view)
 
Should I feel presssured to change myself?
Posted: 6/9/2009 10:03:41 AM
I'm going to give it to you without sugar-coating, because you sound like you need it.

You also sound like you may need to change, and that to do so you may need some help (call it "pressure" if you like). So the answer is yes... If you want to change your situation (being single), you would benefit from changing yourself.

Obviously staying home and painting is never going to find you a girlfriend. You acknowledge that yourself, so there's hope for you yet! ;)

Getting a tattoo that you don't want is bad advice. Going to concerts you wouldn't enjoy is bad advice too. But if you like painting... How about a painting night course? Or visit art galleries, showings, whatever... You'll find like-minded women there, and some of them are bound to be single and willing to chat about what's going on, so it's your personal ideal fishing ground.

"Just be yourself and hope for the best" is terrible advice. How has that been working for you so far? It's said a definition of insanity is doing the same thing and expecting a different outcome.
You don't necessarily need to do anything that truly "isn't you"... Definitely don't need to sacrifice your morals and turn yourself into a bar predator or something. But you do owe it to yourself to assess what you may be doing that simply makes no sense, and fix it so that you start putting your best foot forward.

Unattractive behavior is like being badly out of shape - You could just say the heck with it, if women don't like my flab too bad, I'll wait until I meet someone who likes it... Or you could exercise, get in better shape, and dramatically increase your options. That choice is yours, but again ask yourself how your current choices are working for you!

"Being a little bad" is good advice, but you need a lot more information about that to put it in proper context and start to understand how attraction really works. There's lots of self-help material available, and you may find the information very valuable.
 Lobo_Corazon
Joined: 2/6/2009
Msg: 36 (view)
 
So is love a choice?
Posted: 6/9/2009 8:14:30 AM

If you don't choose love how are you going to find love? One is responsible for their own choices and who they choose to love.

If you could choose love, you wouldn't need to find it. You'd just pick a likely person and say to each other "Hey, let's fall in love!"

But it doesn't work like that because we don't choose who to love. imo people are getting confused between choosing to be open to love, and choosing to fall in love with a particular person. Some even said "attraction isn't a choice, but love is". It's the same thing though - We could make the choice not to be open to attraction, should a pretty woman or dapper gentleman walk past - We just don't, because it isn't as scary I guess.

You can't choose to love a particular person any more than you can choose to be attracted to them. Or at least, if you can, I'd love for someone to show me the trick!
 Lobo_Corazon
Joined: 2/6/2009
Msg: 23 (view)
 
How can I work up my confidence to talk to girls?
Posted: 6/9/2009 8:01:41 AM
Yeah, the above is good advice. Most guys struggle the worst when they try to approach a woman they happen to find particularly attractive - Your heart is in your throat, and all that. But conversation is conversation, and you can take that extra pressure out of the picture by practicing striking one up with a strange girl you don't happen to be all ga-ga over.
The last thing you want to happen is to have the perfect woman for you fall in your lap at a party a year from now, and you make a fool of yourself and scare her off because you haven't been practicing every chance you got in the meantime!
 Lobo_Corazon
Joined: 2/6/2009
Msg: 7 (view)
 
So is love a choice?
Posted: 6/7/2009 6:26:58 PM

Lobo…true love does grow but I don’t totally agree that growth happens naturally as you claim…maintaining a strong bond (love) is in fact a choice we make, we allow it to happen..

That's two seperate things though right? You make the choice to spend lots of time together, date exclusively, live together or whatever... And if the seeds fall on fertile ground, real love grows naturally with time.

That's not to say it's guaranteed to grow - Maybe one or both aren't ready for it. But if it does happen, it won't be because one of them says "Doggone it, this person is clearly really cool, why don't I love them? I'm just going to force myself to, from this day forward!"
 Lobo_Corazon
Joined: 2/6/2009
Msg: 69 (view)
 
What are the ingredients to a good relationship?
Posted: 6/7/2009 6:12:35 PM

Ingredients for a happy relationship:

2 people who are generally happy in life

2 people who are emotionally healthy and feel loved by those around them

2 people who have a common goal for the relationship (defining what it is)

2 people who agree that a good relationship requires time and effort

2 people who have are capable of demonstrating love and devotion to one another

Mix well...fold in some consistency and some trust...spice with good sex and open communication and cook for the rest of their lives.

Fantastic answer.
 Lobo_Corazon
Joined: 2/6/2009
Msg: 58 (view)
 
Juding Books By Their Covers!!
Posted: 6/7/2009 6:09:01 PM
If what you present on the internet dating sites isn't getting you the response you believe your "total package" merits, try something else - Either a new approach, or a new venue. Meet people at church, book readings, cooking classes or sports leagues, where they have a chance to get to know you in a platonic way.

The nature of this medium is that looks/nice pictures are the first and primary impression. Your best bet is to, well, deal with it. (Or to put that a little less harshly - make the most of it!)
 Lobo_Corazon
Joined: 2/6/2009
Msg: 3 (view)
 
So is love a choice?
Posted: 6/7/2009 5:09:56 PM
Ability to control our sensation of hunger - You mean by focussing on other thoughts? We can do the same thing with our "broken hearted" periods too, right?

We can make a conscious choice to seek love, and to avoid it (and no guarantees either way). But what I think of as "true love" grows naturally from shared experience with someone we care about. And you can't fake that by sheer force of will!
 Lobo_Corazon
Joined: 2/6/2009
Msg: 10 (view)
 
How can I work up my confidence to talk to girls?
Posted: 6/7/2009 5:01:21 PM
It would be creepy if you snuck up behind a girl in the grocery store and grabbed her butt, or said "Hey, I like that car I saw you driving in here" or just stared at her with a fleck of drool running down your cheek.

Being real works surprisingly well though. If she's looking at yoghurt ask her if she recommends a particular brand... Or if she's tried the produce at this store and recommends it, or whatever.
I turned into the frozen foods isle one time and found a very cute, very short woman nearly completely inside an upright freezer, trying to get something off a high shelf. She grinned at me and made some crack about how we must never speak of this or whatever - Perfect opportunity to strike up a conversation!

It doesn't matter how good your approach is, it will never be 100%. There's an "aha moment" of self-realisation that comes when you understand that each rejection you do happen to encounter is just a step along the road to eventual success. You should thank the women who reject you for the invaluable practice, because in a word that's the answer to your question. Practice practice practice, until the nerves are gone and you realise that women don't bite. Unless you are lucky, I suppose...


Hey, next time you get shot down, ask the gal to give you some tips on where you went wrong! After all, she was right there, and not even the best wingman can give you a better breakdown! You might be surprised at the positive responses you get at that - Women find the prospect of fixing up a seemingly lost cause strangely compelling!
 Lobo_Corazon
Joined: 2/6/2009
Msg: 43 (view)
 
daughter wants to move in with her boyfriend
Posted: 6/1/2009 4:17:52 PM
Is it just their raging hormones that's behind this

At 17-19, what else could it be? Well, maybe that and some amount of rebellion maybe. She may have determined that the chores she's asked to do are too onerous, and the grass is greener in the trailer park.

If anyone believes it's "true love" (i.e. an adult relationship that will stand the test of time), I'd happily take that bet!
 Lobo_Corazon
Joined: 2/6/2009
Msg: 18 (view)
 
daughter wants to move in with her boyfriend
Posted: 5/29/2009 10:51:16 PM
I'd probably strangle him and hang his carcass out for the crows to pick at, as a warning to any future suitors.

What? I'm just sayin'!
 Lobo_Corazon
Joined: 2/6/2009
Msg: 42 (view)
 
Have you ever LIED for a CHEATING FRIEND?
Posted: 5/29/2009 10:41:17 PM
The "Code" is flawed. The "Code" is weak. The "Code" is bullshit. My integrity is vastly more important that your ability to keep secrets from your SO with my help.

The Code is bs indeed. I don't need it, because I have quality friends.

I have one guy in my circle of friends who is a married cheat, somewhat reformed. He'll never be a close friend because... Well, he just isn't man enough, I suppose.

----
Is the person who keeps a secret for their friend as guilty as the cheater? Of course not. The only way it's in the same ballpark would be if the cheat-ee were also a close personal friend of yours, and lying to them somehow caused them additional harm.
 Lobo_Corazon
Joined: 2/6/2009
Msg: 174 (view)
 
Why Must It Always Be the Man Who Make First Contact?
Posted: 5/29/2009 12:02:27 PM
A wise person once said - You get out what you put in. To finding someone on PoF, or any other enterprise.

If you're lazy about finding and contacting people, you limit your choices to those who actively look for someone like you and happen to make contact themselves. If that works for you - Well, great.
I'd rather initiate conversation with people who I'm interested in, so that's how I roll.
 Lobo_Corazon
Joined: 2/6/2009
Msg: 33 (view)
 
is it wrong to surf profiles?
Posted: 5/28/2009 11:27:53 PM
If it's wrong, I don't wanna be right!

But then, I'm not dating.

Off to surf some profiles!
 Lobo_Corazon
Joined: 2/6/2009
Msg: 68 (view)
 
I'm seperated three years, should I just lie about it already?
Posted: 5/28/2009 6:10:47 PM
True... But the same can be said for short guys, unemployed guys, overweight guys... People are going to avoid certain characteristics. No point complaining about it, just move on to someone who accepts you for what you are (and/or improve on what you can, if it makes sense to do so.)
 Lobo_Corazon
Joined: 2/6/2009
Msg: 4 (view)
 
The Amazing non-date...
Posted: 5/25/2009 9:19:02 PM
Concert in the park? Travelling circus? Hot air balloon ride?
 Lobo_Corazon
Joined: 2/6/2009
Msg: 20 (view)
 
would you get mad
Posted: 5/25/2009 9:17:19 PM
You said you weren't interested in him in the first place, so it's likely he was confused about your intentions. Flaking out probably set him straight.

Like others have said, I wouldn't waste the angst to be mad about it. But you'd have to do some serious grovelling to demonstrate you were interested enough to merit another shot and didn't flake just because you're that kind of person.
You obviously aren't going to do that with this guy (he has you blocked anyway, lol), so it's over - Move on to someone you're more interested in!
 Lobo_Corazon
Joined: 2/6/2009
Msg: 3 (view)
 
The Amazing non-date...
Posted: 5/25/2009 9:04:06 PM
So... First off, congrats on having a great time with a cool woman. I've had a couple of days like that, and can't wait for the next one!

Now - What not to do. No heart-to-heart conversations about how you think you might be falling in love with her, think she's your soulmate, and wonder if she likes you.


It sounds like she had fun... I heard somewhere that women like fun! So if I were you, I'd ask her out again to something fun. Maybe a concert, comedy club, etc. There's nothing quite like laughing together to build a strong connection.

"The ball's in her court" someone said. Well, it probably is, because you probably missed a chance to gently escalate things. Get in there and take that ball back!


"She'll let you know if she is interested" someone said. Hmm... If an adult woman in a bikini is jumping on my back? I'm taking that as a very clear sign of interest! Maybe that's just me and my ego, but I definitely wouldn't let that pass without some serious teasing, maybe a little wrestling... The sexual tension would be building. It sounds like you kindof sat back and quietly admired her, and maybe faltered in the path forward, but that doesn't mean you need to give up (or sit back and wait for the "pseudo bf" to give her his best shot, or for her to get tired of waiting for you to grab the ring, and meet someone else.)

Ask her out to a comedy club, and take her to dinner after. Pay for the meal, just in case there's any confusion in her mind about whether this is another "non-date" - lol
At dinner, brush her hand and... Take it from there. Baby steps, but keep moving forward! "The friends zone" is a trap we fall into when we stop moving forward and she basically gets bored with the lack of progress. You may be hanging over the trap by a fraying vine, but it sounds to me like you've still got a decent shot of MacGuyvering a way out. Take the shot! Fortune favors the bold!

Just keep in mind that you value your friendship with this woman, and you have to work with her - If she's worth the risk, great (imo - I know some refuse to date anyone from work, but I've dated five or so and lived to tell - lol). Don't do anything premature like professing your love or trying to suck her tongue out of her head before she's ready for that step, and focus on having fun while you are together.

Best of luck! By all means drop back in and let us know how it goes!
 Lobo_Corazon
Joined: 2/6/2009
Msg: 45 (view)
 
I'm seperated three years, should I just lie about it already?
Posted: 5/23/2009 11:29:18 PM

No one wants to date a man with unfinished business.
So if my exwife left with my insurance agent, breached a separation agreement, and courts have f**cked around for FIVE years I am supposed to be a monk or is this where prostitution is applicable?!?!

Get a better lawyer?

Or find a woman who is OK with it. Lying still does you no good in terms of forming a meaningful relationship. Sooner or later she's going to find out.
 Lobo_Corazon
Joined: 2/6/2009
Msg: 53 (view)
 
Eharmony - Knowing What You Are Buying ?
Posted: 5/23/2009 11:26:40 PM
Estrella: You got an actual rejection? Or you completed the thing, logged in and had no matches? I had no matches off the bat, but they kindof trickle in. But then, I'm Christian...
 Lobo_Corazon
Joined: 2/6/2009
Msg: 29 (view)
 
Exactly....
Posted: 5/22/2009 12:35:58 PM

anyone who doesn't want to speak to / meet / date me because I am separated isn't someone I'd want to associate with romantically in any regard. They either have goals that I don't have (marriage), or they are more narrow minded, judgmental, and ignorant (at least about some things) than I care for.

When you have real assets (not just a dog), children, etc. divorces take time. Also, as other have cited, many people chose not to divorce for a myriad of reasons.

Hmm... I daresay those folks would have a similar attitude about you, so yep, just as well that you don't waste your time with each other.

Narrowminded and ignorant to choose to look for someone who isn't still in a business relationship with their ex over day-to-day financial stuff like shared insurance? I daresay all of us have stuff on our list of preferences that is quite a bit more superficial, if we want to be honest about it.

Just because you aren't someone's cup of tea, doesn't automatically mean they have a problem. (Cut-and-paste from all the "why won't they date me just because I'm overweight or short or bald or unemployed or live with my parents or whatever" threads.) If someone prefers to date unmarried people, more power to them for exercising judgement in important choices!
 Lobo_Corazon
Joined: 2/6/2009
Msg: 7 (view)
 
I'm seperated three years, should I just lie about it already?
Posted: 5/21/2009 11:22:32 PM
Be honest. The only people who will turn you down based on being separated are the ones who refuse to date someone who's separated - i.e. they don't want to date you until you get your situation resolved... So how would lying to them help?

I'm talking long-term obviously - If all you are interested in is a fling, than I suppose the rules are a little different.
 Lobo_Corazon
Joined: 2/6/2009
Msg: 19 (view)
 
Dating in the workplace?
Posted: 5/20/2009 8:42:26 AM
**Clarification alert**

He's 19, working the popcorn stand at a one-screen movie theatre. He could sleep with the manager (or the manager's wife) and I'll wager it wouldn't have the slightest impact on his future career.

Go for it, and have fun!
 Lobo_Corazon
Joined: 2/6/2009
Msg: 31 (view)
 
How long before kissing her...
Posted: 5/19/2009 9:19:54 PM
Uh oh...

I'm picturing torreadors sticking the bull with those nasty barbed spears.

Do carry on!
 Lobo_Corazon
Joined: 2/6/2009
Msg: 23 (view)
 
Must You Be At 100% To Go On A Date?
Posted: 5/19/2009 3:38:49 PM
I'm never in a bad mood really, so I may not fully understand your perspective. I do know that hanging out with a fascinating woman always brightens my day though!


If I had come down with swine flu, I'd probably ask her to reschedule though!
 Lobo_Corazon
Joined: 2/6/2009
Msg: 43 (view)
 
How do you handle the first date if not what you expected
Posted: 5/19/2009 1:34:23 PM
I've only been on one date where the gal turned out to be a total wet noodle. The meal was nice, and the restaurant was a find - It became my favorite haunt in town! I tolerated her banality, flirted with the waitress a bit, paid for the meal since I had asked her out in the first place, and drove her home. It was still an enjoyable evening, even if my date contributed nothing positive.

The "description didn't match" thing has only happened once as well, with a gal I'd encountered on a dating site and had a "serious e-relationship" with for months before meeting. When she finally did drive down to see me, she was probably 40-50 lbs heavier than she'd been in the dozens of pictures she'd sent. She was still attractive, but it was certainly a shock - I didn't have a clever idea of how to handle it so I pretty much ignored the discrepancy while she was here. Things cooled off pretty abruptly afterwards. I never did figure out why she gained so much weight so fast, because she didn't look any older than the pics, just a whole lot bigger.

(Really, how does a guy present "So, how'd you gain all the weight?" without getting kneed in the groin?)
 Lobo_Corazon
Joined: 2/6/2009
Msg: 24 (view)
 
How long before kissing her...
Posted: 5/19/2009 10:33:11 AM
Of course it isn't a crime to be interested.

Just avoid victimizing yourself by putting your life on hold for someone who may not even be interested in you. Step up, get your answer, and if it's no, look elsewhere. If she wants to leave it friendly, just leave it friendly (that means no snogging - lol)

No need to be pushy, just take one step at a time, and if she won't play along leave her be. If she comes back in the future great, but you don't increase the odds of that by devoting yourself to her.
 Lobo_Corazon
Joined: 2/6/2009
Msg: 22 (view)
 
How long before kissing her...
Posted: 5/18/2009 7:28:57 PM
If she's so damaged, why are you so infatuated? Is she just that hot? Or is it one of those "I must ride in and save the distresed damsel" deals?

Question for the ladies: Have you ever told a guy you were really hoping would ask you out, that you were all torn up over your ex(s)? Sounds more like a conversation for the girlfriends... Or perhaps just an excuse.

She isn't acting as if she's interested. At best she's sending mixed signals. Don't waste too much time chasing someone who might not be buying what you're selling - Move forward (but one step at a time!), or move on.
 Lobo_Corazon
Joined: 2/6/2009
Msg: 6 (view)
 
Dating in the workplace?
Posted: 5/17/2009 11:52:54 PM
No question has to be awkward. It's all in how you ask.

Me: "So any hot dates for the weekend?"
Her:
- If she's interested, she'll definitely say something like "No, no - Man, I haven't been on a date in a long time!"
- If she is dating but is still interested, she may be a little flustered with her response and that's a good sign for you.
- If she's not interested, she won't have much to say to that question, but you haven't lost anything. Heck, you could be more blatant and ask "So, are you a single girl or what?" and you still haven't offended her or caused tension in the workplace - It's just a simple question, yet still a powerful step towards the conversation you really want to have.

You get a lot of information back from a simple, completely risk-free question - If you just know how to listen! The worst that can happen is her answer is "Yes, my fiance is flying me to his Hawaiian mansion for the weekend!", and you get to move on with your life.


Never just sit back and let life happen to you, or you'll always be losing out!
 Lobo_Corazon
Joined: 2/6/2009
Msg: 11 (view)
 
How long before kissing her...
Posted: 5/17/2009 11:30:54 PM
Just in case you missed the obvious through wishful thinking OP, the ladies who suggested you go ahead with your plan to trot up to this gal and plant one on her in the gym were being facetious. Or they may be Jerry Springer fans...


The only way that could possibly work out for ya, is if this girl is already desperately hoping you will ask her out. And even in the unlikely event that it's so, you'd still be better off just asking her out before worrying about the right time for a snog.

So yeah. One step at a time, my friend!
 Lobo_Corazon
Joined: 2/6/2009
Msg: 202 (view)
 
Do you feel comfortable dating someone who is seperated
Posted: 5/17/2009 2:41:48 PM
While it's certainly possible for it to work out, we all have lines we prefer not to cross when seeking a partner.

When filling in these on-line "match" questionnaires, I always exclude "Separated" people. That person is, after all, legally married to some other dude! It's not so much an ethical issue (although there's a bit of that) - As long as there are other more likely options to pursue, I'll pursue them.

If a separated woman approaches me, and she's amazing, we hit it off, etc, then great! But before long we're going to have a chat about what's going on with, you know, the husband.
 Lobo_Corazon
Joined: 2/6/2009
Msg: 6 (view)
 
How long before kissing her...
Posted: 5/17/2009 2:07:16 PM
Mr. Obvious says - Ask her out!
 Lobo_Corazon
Joined: 2/6/2009
Msg: 3 (view)
 
How long before kissing her...
Posted: 5/17/2009 12:54:31 PM

I've asked her out for a walk a few times but so far she's had other things to do...
Sounds like you're probably boned. But before you give up, ask her if she'd like to get a coffee some time, and let her pick a time when she isn't busy. If she turns that down, you can safely move on.


"How long should you wait" is an easy yet hard question. The answer is "when she wants you to". Recognizing that moment is the tricky part. It sure as heck isn't going to be in the gym though, I can set that straight for you!
 Lobo_Corazon
Joined: 2/6/2009
Msg: 18 (view)
 
If you think you are a nice guy, that's cool... but maybe you are really just an
Posted: 5/17/2009 12:31:31 PM
...and others drank the****ails that I bought them and then later avoided me and acted like we had never met .

My slightly warped mind filled in that censored bit as "drank the entrails", giving me a moment's pause.

How is this thread not redundant? Heh - Anyway, read some of the tidbits of wisdom that come up on the exit screen as you log out from PoF.

Niceness is great, but it isn't something that will make someone become attracted to you. No attraction = No sale.
Women tend to be attracted to confidence and lavish lifestyle, men tend to be attracted to an hourglass figure, everyone is attracted to positive energy and a radiant smile. Those factors (or at least the appearance of them) will get you much more positive responses from people you approach then being "nice" ever will.

Of course it's better to be nice than nasty (well, kindof)... Just don't expect to get very far if that's all you have to offer, because it's not enough!
 Lobo_Corazon
Joined: 2/6/2009
Msg: 32 (view)
 
Follow Up Emails. Should we even bother?
Posted: 5/17/2009 12:18:47 PM
There's a saying "Winners never quit, and quitters never win".

Read/Deleted - We all know meant No.

If it was read and not deleted... Well, there's a good chance it's a No, but it could also be a maybe. If you feel this particular fish might be worth a little additional effort, then it may be worth your time. After all, there's [u]no downside[/u] to sending a second email, right? It's not like they are going to reach through the screen and slap you.


After a second message with no response - Yeah, that's a no. And a second message that's vindictive about the lack of response is never going to work. Those are just common sense.
 Lobo_Corazon
Joined: 2/6/2009
Msg: 119 (view)
 
triumphing despite the odds...would the means affect you having a relationship?
Posted: 5/15/2009 2:56:00 PM
I'm sure the answer to that last question varies as broadly as people do.
 Lobo_Corazon
Joined: 2/6/2009
Msg: 20 (view)
 
Should i ask a friend out?
Posted: 5/14/2009 12:30:59 PM
Why not?

Well, it's a risk. It's hard to go back to being justfriends after falling in love with someone (maybe impossible, I suppose.) That's one possible outcome.

But then again, you could end up together for the long haul with your best friend, and we all dream of that outcome, right?

Risk... Reward... Balance them out. Personally, I have some female friends who I really enjoy, but none who I simply couldn't do without if it came to that. After all I have lots of friends, and how amazing would it be if it really worked out?! So the risk would be worth it for me.

You have to decide if it's worth it for you. Just understand that there is a chance that you'll end up losing the friend, and if you can't possibly risk that don't go there.

The implications about the guy's sexuality are silly - You've known him for eight years, so hopefully you have a much better idea of that than we do! A more likely possibility is that he's been besotted with you all this time, too shy to do anything about it, but hanging around you hoping that you will magically fall into his lap. So go for it imo!
 
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