Notice: Forums will be shutdown by June 2019

To focus on better serving our members, we've decided to shut down the POF forums.

While regular posting is now disabled, you can continue to view all threads until the end of June 2019. Event Hosts can still create and promote events while we work on a new and improved event creation service for you.

Thank you!


Show ALL Forums
Posted In Forum:

Home   login   MyForums  
 Author Thread: Can me change??
Joined: 2/8/2009
Msg: 16 (view)
Can me change??
Posted: 3/29/2013 10:49:30 AM
Last January near Wainwright CN dumped 8 cars outside of town. When driving 600 miles to watch a hockey game is a reasonable entertainment option the train wrecks need to be considered.

There are several concerning things with the dude, and he's not going to fix them. Maybe eventually retire from a life of buttwandia, - it will be a while. Guys, and women too, find this life addicting. Its a type of relationship viking, a beserker. There's a syndr4me to it that seems recognizable, at least when I look up at the clouds whipping by the moon at night.

These buttwonders are those that: make cheating accusations, investigate our electronic presence, break into accounts, blackmail with info, spread info inappropriately, devise multiple accounts, have texting nightmares going on, hassle our contacts- and then apologize and ,.. right back in after 20 seconds rest.

Worth dating?? Well I think so. Drama of this type is not of a serious nature. Blackmailing me with questionable vids isn't a likely cause but women do try similar types of hook- and it simply doesn't work. No one ever suffered much from this type of hassle, its not the truly bad type. Sure -- its immature and nutball to call up a bunch of our ex's and make issues -- but our buds know us. They're not going to freak. People let things slide a bunch. A few bad grapes doesn't spoil the bunch, trim them and let them fall. Move on. By that I mean that allowing people to get up to a bunch of pointless drama that they imagine is going to win them some immaterial advantage doesn't all-in-all destroy the hope for a workable relationship. They're not spoiled souls simply due to their inability to contain or quash the ranker aspects of their charachter. We all have sorry aspects circling the cloudy depths- and low grade nasty never soured the drinking water. Things can be much more poisonous.

I'd like to suggest that you could point out each of these items in a sequence, discuss their impact on the relationship, explain how they aren't valid, and what you'd rather have happen. Maybe that's worth a try in another dimension. In our universe that's simply playing into their hand to rework and reimagine the drama into another form, on and onward. Not like a trainwreck but more like a relentless army of zombie workers slowly moving forward, pressing on, with absolutely ill intent. You can't beat them at this game. There's no "if he only understood".. They do understand at some level- that's what's so tragic- its not an accident of missunderstanding. They're using these attacks and provocational methods in order to evoke responses that they like. They want the off balance-ness that follows from a completely illegitimate attack, "oh-- I found this number on your Iphone, is that a guy you're sleeping with-- he'll get back in a bit cause I left a message from you".. Most think- "whoa- why would someone do that?" We're not them- we're not wired to enjoy surfing that type of wave. You can't join their surf cause they're rounding up the sharks the way they like.

I've sometimes heard the argument that if we could just deal with their insecurities this wouldn't happen. "Oh- but its your fault that I'm curious, - you're bring on this by acting like you're interested in others". That type of justification for the cruel torture of invasiveness and constant, almost belligent interrogation and -- .
.. okay- I"m sorta wandering off tangent here.

Simply put. Do guys even change? Well- some learn to hide it better, or find better methods to deal with these types of problems. Its such a poor method that some snap out of it- but to me its seems a lifelong joy. Its an addiction.
Joined: 2/8/2009
Msg: 10 (view)
How sexual is a tease?
Posted: 3/29/2013 8:15:27 AM
My posts have to be novellas of 600 words or so. Its a wonder I should be enjoying rather than complaining about. Thank you great mod in the sky.

Okay.. so is teasing a form of low order nastiness, like bullying? Is it unfair? Is sexual chitterchatter a bad idea if you're not already firmly on the railway towards doing the mumbo-bejango under the porchlights?

Some don't do it. They don't play-talk into that area- they just do. I find that intimidating. Weeks of what might be relationship building, find yourself in her bed tucked in with the sheets wondering what's going to happen, and bazango-- yeah- that's what she was up to all along.

There's plenty of places that don't need a bunch of tension creating asides about 'tacos' and joy jell. Maybe at a workplace it could go wrong. All the more relaxed areas; lineup to get frisked at the airport, the washroom with five women in hot dresses, a walk downtown with a bunch -- why not relax.- speak what's on your mind..?? Let the hair down a tad.

I'm against the term "sexist" but its a little - prudish to expect that women should demonstrate firmly that they're not ready and oiled by avoiding any terms that might have sexual connotation. That's so anti-fun. Isn't it better to allow them free reign to say whatever they like, and hopefuly,. or maybe not ..- that will or will not evolve over hours, months or years..? That way we get to know people.

The difficulty for lots is that any type of sexual innuendo from women is wanted by guys to be some type of free pass. That's simply daft. Learn to read body language, small signals.-- then its a lot easier to tell through the 80% of language conveyed that way whether women are actually interested in something. Don't get caught so much on words. Its much better to learn what they're saying otherwise. This is not hard (or so I'm told).

From my perspective its just better for things to happen when the girl is firmly into this. We get sidetracked, maybe by media, or whatever- -that a slithy outfit and bumping attitude is an invitation for sex. While its actually a lot more fun if they're actually interested. The whole gambit with the complete stranger showing up and wanting to go for it immediately, knock on the door - walk in wearing pumps and a pair of shorts with the top button undone-- those are great phantasy videos, for some-- others find them anti-sexual and plastic-- they're a turnoff. And I feel that way. The real progression with people developing focus on a guy, or even on a few, getting wilder and provoking almost a frenzie of interest. That's cool too.

Guys that can't handle the more wicked side of women's involvement or interests are in for a rougher ride. Its fun to allow women to tap into their wilder side and still have control of the situation. When you go to Dairy Queen isn't it better to let them take their time to build the perfect desert- I mean- a ding-dong can just be ripped open and bitten into- same with those peppermint frozen things-- but sometimes a little bit of building makes it a lot better. And if its not your turn its fun to watch as well - no reason to get all horndog frustrated in the line.

Edit, and on the" I am careful to keep a clinical tone and demeanor so as NOT to "tease" at that inappropriate point in time. There are some things I need to know fast."
Does anyone else find that totally hot? Maybe a labcoat, noteboard, long white stockings.
Joined: 2/8/2009
Msg: 35 (view)
Bf rarely wants sex
Posted: 3/28/2013 9:25:23 PM
I had a friend that encountered this. Her dude seemed like a regular guy, maybe skinnier. A bit tall. He wasn't gay, didn't seem to be lacking in hormones. I mean- I'm not mr-scope-out-the-dudes.. but lets's call him Gator,. Well Gator had a normal hairy chest- and regular sorta male look - but he didn't want it.. Not often, and even then sort like he was semi-dreaming. This of course frustrated my bud to her wits end.

He wasn't wimpy, was seriously athletic, biked all over town. Tossing footballs he'd bean you in the chest so the stitching would leave a mark. So there were zero hints, at least to me,. of any type of reasoning to this..

And the babe.. 5'2" hot ass, great bod, sly sorta almond eyes and she just twitched with anticipation. One of those sultry ones that seem to be vibrating or swaying when they're hardly moving.

He wasn't jealous of her. She wasn't straying. She was (and probably still is- haven't seen her in 12 years) .. a major bootilicious bit of fineness peeled of the aphroditi clan when the universe spawned the race of hotification. Why any guy wouldn't be sampling that on a regular, or even sickly twisted constant, painful and disturbing basis.. well- why??

It was almost like he realized that, while enjoyable, sex was fundamentally wasted time and shouldn't be indulged in like an addiction. Or I don't know.. It seemed completely nuts to me. I didn't like being in the same room with him. It was much worse than hanging out with a group of gay guys, - cause those I completely get-- this was just... "what is with this dude?"

He was one of those Spock types. Didn't offer opinions off the cuff. Wasn't easy to disagree with. Had sallow and well thought out positions. Wasn't too proud. Not like a space alien, but more like a.. umh.. a bit diluted of the regular fervor and passion about nonsense. Maybe being a bit of a****ad opinionated twerp is a good thing-- if it helps motivate you in the sack.

I realize this missive has dragged on- I've a wonderful gift from the Genii-- let's me comment if I can just make it to 600 words.. so folk- bare with me on this....umh.. ohh.. maniepadra oooooooooooomh..

What else.. oh yeah- well once, my bud was back at her place,. and its a sorta condo on a hill, 2nd story room for her... she's stretched out, just getting comfy, the window faces a line of trees and some other buildings about 500' away. She's a room that faces north,.good light but they leave it open in the fall as its a long wet winter,.. and the babe has some interest in how her skin is tingling, tugs at her hair a little, investigates a few options, checks on the bell of St Martin, a few questions for the hips of Shangrilai, then she notices there's a dude washing the windows, he's looking straight at her. That's all she told me of that- I never did find out what happened after he caught her.

Messages this short cannot be posted..


So then she looked up another dude. Smaller, kinda weaselly, an artist. - we bought some of his paintings,. and I like the Esso sign one.

Messages this short may not be posted

Gave it to my pa quite a while back, but they're actually art experts and they took down the Esso sign painting.
Joined: 2/8/2009
Msg: 15 (view)
Problem with contract
Posted: 3/27/2013 3:35:27 PM
I get the feeling the "more for holidays" still means for the same number of hours worked per day in those days as for the school year days. It sounds like what you really have is a part maid/part childminder- but in the school days the child-minding isn't needed as much so days OFF then are penalized less. Its hard to really fathom what's up otherwise. Maybe she just charges more for the holidays because - well its holidays and who wants to work?

If that's the case?? what you have is that during the holidays there's a potential expense of getting someone else to stop by at short notice to watch the children, because that has to be done- so those days are paid more. School days don't have that - you can easily or cheaply get a bit of after school help- its not as much a penalty. More accurately there's a penalty for NOT working those days as the wage is set for the year. If she doesn't want to work days in the summer it comes out of her wage more directly. This is fair- if I'm guessing this correct you'd then have to get someone else to watch the kids, and deal with all the fuss over it. Or you simply want more help then, or she values her time more. Still, from a practical perspective time off in the summer could quickly lead her to owing you. - cause that's when you need the help and likely you've set up the renumeration to reflect that fact.

The whole, holidays shmolidays thing seems a little rank though- .. she's paid for the year prorated. How the original amount was arrived at is meaningless when its simply set for the year. Things get to be mumbo-jumbo quickly.

So you say there were 20 days off but its 27 days this year. I'm not sure what's up with weekends and such.. Lets say she works only weekdays but its 52 weeks a year and you two specified those days off at 20. So she works -- umhh- something like 52x5=210, minus 20 days=190, but she'd like to take 7 more days off to make it 183.

Holidays she is paid more, and within those 'school' holidays, which include spring break, Christmas, Easter, summer holidays, -probably about 1/3rd of the year, or about 60 days work she is taking off the periods of 11 days in April, 2 days in July, 10 days august, 4 days December to add up to 20 days. So she's working 40 "holidays". No matter whether she takes off an extra 7 days or not.

Her wage in previous years was then based on (150 school days)x(school wage) + (40 holidays)x(holiday wage) = set amount. And this is divided up equally through the year. Frnanrkly.. it seems a little odd that she would have voluntarily selected for many years to take all her days off in the "holiday" period. One would think that if she was getting paid more for holidays, whether on your suggestion or hers, that she'd then work more then, and take time off on the school days- in order to negotiate a better overall wage.

Still she is not otherwise taking time off within the school term except that she's also selected to take off in addition to the above days that are within holiday periods, the 1st week in April and the 2 days in July (*both* school term days).

She would like the 1st week in April and the 2 days In July as her unpaid term. They are school days and end up with a lot less docked from her pay.

Its not clear who drafted up the contract. Did she draft the contract to favor some aspect of her own needs?? Were the original twenty days truly arrived at independently as days off?

Okay.. well... ummh.. I dunno- I was going to be all supra critical over this,. but it sorta sounds like there's a bit of a split direction. If it really is a combo maid/child-care situation, and the new extra days won't require new outrageous extra expenses to you I'd say just dock the pay based on school days. If the new extra days truely absolutely undoubtedly without exagreeration and with no mitigation or help becuase you've time to plan and will cost you substantially more to employ someone else for a sequence of days beyond and above what you're docking her from her pay already,.. well, I dunno..

Why are the holidays paid more- will you be "out" more through the new setup she's selected. It doesn't sound like it as the original contract had holidays off in it. She's simply added some new days off which are in the school year, when previously she had no days off in the school year. Those new days aren't adding much expense to you - you have a contract to pay a specific amount for those days- and you're docking that pay from her wage- the day's she's taking off in the holidays are exactly as they were before. They are unchanged. You have not incurred a new expense in the holidays.

Edit: mostly the question revolves around why the holidays are paid more. If she values her own time more at that time, but you do not then 7 extra days off without a corresponding reduction in expense amounts to a dilusion of the help you've contracted for. Still- it can't be fair to have her take all the days off as "holiday days". The dilusion would be averaged, and you know.. shes' only working 7 days less, from 183 or so..
Joined: 2/8/2009
Msg: 11 (view)
Too Sarcastic/Obscure Humor?
Posted: 3/24/2013 6:33:09 PM
Profile is fine as is. The sarcasm is shareable. People are such duckheads about this crap. Grow up reviewers.

okay.. I'll admit that a bit more clear junk might help, but overall the profile is fine. you've good main photos. They have captions that build conversations. Obviously the kid situation is a big part of your life - but that's done well..

Sarcasm is iffy but that's not what you've got in your profile. Its not a subtle difference. There is a clear difference.


Now of course I'm stuck in a long post message phase where I have to sum up to 600 words. Weird geise I'm under-- but its an honest one.. nothing like CĂșchulainn with the dog meat ban and the oddball "gotta eat what a women provides"

Umh- another 430 words to go.. or so.

To my reconning the better profiles instill that sense that contact should happen. Its from several phases. We can look at the picks we make in our profile selections, try to keep them wide. Do the chem test and whatever. Photos are always better rotated and seasonal. They should evoke that sense of presence, as if the person was encountered seconds ago in life.

Durn.. I don't want to mamble along for another 320 words on this profile. Its clear -- there are black people, red, white and y3llow. But how many are clear. Like that Pepsi clear or that weird trend in the 90's to make all drinks and a bunch of confections see through. Who does that? Why did it vanish?

Christ. Gotta be strong - its not that difficult to type nonsense.

The basics of a profile. Goed main photo. Try to not be just a headshot- make somethin work inclusive. All photos should be good contrast punchy and outdoors. You're doing that. Captions help. Rotating helps. Seasonal makes it work. Places people recognize.

contzact notes are good short but specific. no questions. not spare short but not effusive or "I saw in your profile that you're an ex tomoto farmer and I had to say taht".

"Messages this short may not be posted"

I'm sorry, normally I'd have something to say, not drag on like moby****across the bottom of the ocean. This time its just not working.

What makes the profile decent is that it deals with the kid situation well. So many say things like, "my kids are my life " etc. That's sad and dull. This doesn't, but the photos show coaching, show involvement, provide the humorous side of a person's life in the kid situation. It makes the joyous sides clear without emphasizing the negative.

"Messages this short may not be posted"

Deep breath here-- time to go up and see what netflix has. some nights aren't for typing.

"Messages this short may not be posted"

Local kid just walked in the door unannounced, complimented the toga but now I'm getting trouble for wearing em around the house. Taking advantage of a weekend without a bunch of the kids gf's around. I'm not certain the girls would be against the toga situation. Assuming, No.

"Messages this short may not be posted"

Alright, this is getting completely unreasonable. Your profile is fine. Dont' cheange it. See if there are some sports minded women around. Look for I don't know--- someone must be interested in the clear version.
Joined: 2/8/2009
Msg: 18 (view)
Chatting with a man that says he has been stalked a few times.
Posted: 3/24/2013 8:24:40 AM
A while back one of the regulars at our beach noted that his lemur like hips and fine cheakbones had feminine qualities. So considering his options , and with our NDP governments help, he had the thing hollowed out, stuck back inside, breasts installed, a lot of injections, a staple supply of pills, all so he could cruise as a Shme.. When you are six foot eight with hands as big as platters, wide eyes like a centaur and 44" shoulders this planet has still failed to provide convincing procedures that make you a female. You become amazing.

Shme is a gentle and quiet individual. Swam laps at our huge outdoor pool, hung in the showers with joy jell creamed about into gooey froth. My bud Rh used to chat once in a while. She overheard a conversation between The Shme and an older polish lady. The Shme was explaining the difficulties of getting pregnant and mentioned as she lathered scars in a particularly fanciful way, "but I am a lesbian anyhow"

The last remark was meant for Rh's ears.. yet Rh was 5'2 with a petit figure. A situation with The Shme wouldnt be lesbianism in all ways similar to other types of lipstick or butch/femme wonder. Can't be sure. ONly speculation.

That's kinda off the topic,. but the point is that situations with men, even if they're in lots of ways similar aren't exactly like with women. For example..

.. I've heard a little from the women here concerning guys persuing them with persistence. The dudes create multiple profiles, lie about their age, recontact through the forums and follow- commenting all the time on every thread the women is in. With new profiles they build fake personas and arrange new meets, then follow to their subdivision,. looking for them at work. Inventive ones find ways to harrass them through sock-puppet buddies, get them banned from the site through bogus means. Simply put - the turdswallowing punks make torturing the women into 25/8 constant barrage of pissant gutwrenching slathering ichor licking pustulence.

They abuse the site TOS to get women deleted when they react. Then the guys go on to use the law, and badass cruising/intimidation, getting girls fried by the cops or find inventive constructs to make them lose their jobs. Once you make your life's work the simple destruction of someone else's hopes there's a universe of possibilities. Exploring all aspects is a consuming joy.

These are real things that happen to many women. Its difficult for them to explain because the whole point of the drama is to make the women look like she's the one who's a lawbreaker/ner'do'well abuser. It an wild inversion - these dudes really figure these things out. Make the law, the TOS, the situation work to their advantage.

For the lass this becomes an encompassing threat, not just annoying, or concerning, or dangerous but life altering in a fundamental way.

Contrasting that with the edgy women. Maybe she's asked to see who the other females are that I know in my life. Contacted them a few times through anonymous phones calls. Got frustrated and phoned me on a ski trip 45 times in one evening to get hung up on by a new bud several dozen times,. With other guys she's shown up at their place of work to describe how her ex's digits feel when they're inside causing a few chuckles and stunning several children patients in his waiting room. Or dropping by at the embassy to yell enduring remarks to her bud the diplomat, when he's decked out in his red tie and $2k suit. When things were cruising with this nuttiness and her file with the cops was growing to phone book sized I had 100's of emails a month with cool stuff about "sharing a grave".

But I, and I'm guessing her other buds, can handle that type of harrasment. It never got nasty. I didn't have to alter my habits. The phone isn't a dangerous thing. There was no need to leave the house or even consider contacting the police. I didn't whine about it to my friends - that's not an interesting drama. I still wear big boy undies. Me and the babe; we're still buds. She's not plan A.

My impression of the guy stalking girl situations does not leave the impression that is quite so harmonious.

In short- your bud has no idea what its like for women to be stalked. Having annoying or persistent girlfriends is not stalking.
Joined: 2/8/2009
Msg: 39 (view)
Orgasms from penetration alone
Posted: 3/20/2013 10:03:37 PM
In these type of thread there's a tradition that us dudes avoid discussing months, years or multiple successive or consecutive situation with unsatisfied women, disappointment, or horrible, even dangerous missattempts. And while I've this extra gift of having to type 600 words,.. it just seems wrong - to diverge for a while, break the rule- and maybe discuss, just a little, how things can go awry- wrong, guidance can be lost, reading between the lines can lead to a lost void and it may just not work out, for the girl at least- not everyone has to fail.

However things can go right. Its probably not meant to be all the time-- but surprisingly there are those that see tradition as worth following. If the bell rings on Sunday they figure- 'hmm.. it worked once- lets try a variation on that them-- and more bells'. Many like tradition.

On that though-- I don't think tradition is narrow like the oral, teasing, breasts, gspot, clitoral, anal, fingering, queening, grinding, penetration folk state- as if there was separation in orgasms like separation of classes in university. People seem a lot more like a rainbow, with the magic happy leprechaun holding their golden .. okay- that makes no sense... but .. umh.. okay. i'm lost here- not going to try to rescue this paragraph.

There's a lot of this, "my drugs are a turn off" , "he doesn't know how to please me, ", "I can't orgasm from penetration". I've encountered it a bunch in real life. Just on the real side- its easy to screw up- if we're rushed. the situation isn't conducive to finding out what's going on with the girl, - well it might not happen, but mostly women can find orgasms.- true ones. About half can cruise around through a small array of them for 15 or 20 minutes at a time, maybe twice to four times in a day. Some only once or twice, a week. Its very rare that people cannot have orgasms, and frankly I've never met anyone like that- even those that are quadrupling on the beta/blocker anti-depressants therapies that turn all their sin numb. They can still find ways to allow things to tease their way out. Its not a such a complex thing. Generally women have some notion how that might happen and its not hellishly difficult- mostly plenty of fun, not a lot of lecturing or angst.

It helps if you can hold your breath naturally without appearing smothered. Just a thought.

On the other side maybe its worthwhile delving into how to screw things up. How to not make it work. I'd guess lack of preparation does that. Let's say you've only a few hours, the room is about 95, hot, haven't brought any water into the loft, babe is absolutely nuts though-- but not on any type of birth control. So generally- if they're crazy for something, its about the worst time to have accidents cause they're more than likely crazy for a practical maintain-the-species reason. So all that gets crazy- and you have to stop about 12 times to work around that- cause who can find condoms in the middle of the night at someone elses place, and it ends up being some type of weirdness trying to work with all sorts of other events- and the cuz is across the room peaking over furniture, angry cause you stopped her midway, cause she's hoppped on top and is doing something he can see.

Its not that much different with a truly private situation.. using the wrong type of birthcontrol (those sponges or foams that dry), and rushing,.. its just not allowing things to work there way to a good situation as time permits. There's a sense that even though its enjoyable for the girl, if things were a little faster, or slower, or more to their tempo, maybe skipped the shopping and headed home when she was going for it-- it would work out.. Off tempo destroys it for women- they're not strike anywhere matches.

So all that above was just psycho-babble to fill my 6-0-0 word limit. Now the point.

Women are rightly completely convinced that it cannot work through penetration. I agree with them. Half a lifetime of experience matters. They have situations with great lovers in europe and four other continents- sensitive dudes, hockey superstars, footsy experts, massuers. And those are the most able knowledgeable types alive.. but simply being emotionally connected, stuck in a rushed situation it starts to happen that way for them, not with undue foreplay or some type of "oh you cheated by getting me all ready and I was about to anyway and then .. but it would have been better just with what you were doing before" . penetration can start to work. Is it a "fit' thing? or a connection or whatever..
.. its sorta scary, and I've had one breakup happen right after that began to occur.

Its not penetration that works even if that's what's going on during. More its that they're allowing themselves to explore what they can do with what's available, maybe coach the guy along towards what may help. Or course that exact plan can be completely a turnoff to some other lass-- all that waiting for cues can be as frustrating as hell's bells and they can loose it start yelling, 'enuf of this mamby pamby, dilly-dally,.. yur not trying to test fire a rocket at JFK.. get on with it!!" .. .. okay- that's enough from me on this.
Joined: 2/8/2009
Msg: 17 (view)
Met a girl on here and made a mistake, please help
Posted: 3/20/2013 1:56:09 PM
You like her a lot and she's interested in you too. I'm not so sure about the "leave her alone" plan. Its fundamentally a false ploy.) Trying to fake people into your life doesn't usually work. Its better to be straight with them.

Edit, its just a ploy, a real ploy. But a false message- they don't work that well. Near strangers have enough trouble reading us without mixing the game up by laying misleading trials about what our actual objectives are. Liking someone should sorta be clear if that's what's going on- there's no reason to harrass anyone but completely abandoning them to make them feel you've given up is also not wise- unless they've clearly stated they do not wish to be bothered- in which case you should completely lay off and let it be.

Oh no, "messages this short can't be posted".

Well in that case, maybe I could ramble on for a while about unrelated things.

Getting caught on someone is rare. So many don't experience it that there's some doubt out there that it even occurs. If you've lost weight without dieting, can't keep thoughts of a person out of your head, don't see other women much and just have a growly unconfortable feeling in your tummie- its possible you've picked up the plague. But if you DO NOT have any odd digestion growling most likely there's a bunch of extra oxtocin, human nervana growth syndromes or whatevers..... kicking around. Some say there's about a dozen of these chems that get sorta outtawhackonia- and it can take years that way. The whole idea is too make us stick around -- its meant to encourage fathers to hang out and support newly pregnant gfs, - you know - the whole "its beneficial for an extended family to ex9st- protein is important to a youngster..". That's how its all constructed, we get saturated with chems that force us back towards that one lazy ass babe that we'd so much like to be gone.

They say that this can go on years, minimum of 18 months for serious cases. There's not a lot to do about it, although the recommended solutions (since the French Legion disbanded) is to get off your duff and hunt up some other squaw. See if there's a possiblity in the next village.

If you're set on persuing this one girl there are common misguided suggestions to share.

A. ) shake things up. WE had two girls show up form Checkers on Denman and Beach years back. One blonde, one raven. . They had an attitude staring out over the bay from my buds appartment,. so he went across the hallway to grab Sher,. she was living alone (well -there was an insane cat that had not left the aparment in 3 years).. Sher showed up. The girls got friendly, then hostile, then friendly, then left- and 30 years later Sher is still around (not me- my bud).. I expect the cat has gone on- though he was a fiesty little beast, so if anyone could last that log it would me him.

B) change things in yourself.. I always imagine that new jeans, a haircut, trimmer physique, shaving, white teeth, fresh undergarments and socks,.. maybe even turn the t-shirt inside out -- and I'd be a new wiser funner me- but others head towards bigger changes. People are tricked by change. They imagine it says something overall even if its only on the surface.

C) have something to join, not jsut a sport but travel, groups, things going on. The whole environment of fun can be worth investing in. My bro arranges trips to Rio for Samba, Germany for the bookfair, Vienna for dressing up like 18th century coutiers and madams. Back at his place he hosts long dinners with 20' tables, pours sand out in a rented warehouse so his buds can play volleyball in the dead of winter.. He goes tooo far, but simple things can work. Not super simple, like my attempts of making it a party by bring sunglasses and cheap jewlery form eBay.. but . fun is inviting

Good luck.
Joined: 2/8/2009
Msg: 2 (view)
Please consider implementing a profile Block feature
Posted: 3/16/2013 12:02:47 PM
I have to draft 600 words or I get, "comments this short cannot be posted". That's never annoying.

The Ultra Match has something similar to what the OP is asking for. It allows profiles to be removed from searches. I'm scared to use it. Never know where desparation may lead one day, when the moon is bright, and the darklings have robbed the soul from all hope and care- may trouble that lane again.. look back and wonder-- where is that mausoleum dweller and her oh so perky pekinese, might she have wandered off, or did I accidentally hide the maulstrom of inventiveness she'd constructed amongst a managerie of old National Geographics, bird cages, a leotard collection and the urns of dear friends.

I don't see "can't delete" as an attempt to keep us clicking- but there is some frustration in not having the capability to organize, relish or rehash what's up in Pofferland, its somewhat mysterious and random- all mixed. sorta like Munchkinland- but with hotties, not the well organized Shire, with the Tooks on one side and the FurryBottoms living down by the swamp. Many a night, when the moon is bright, the darklings trollops across the verde and I have to wonder, where are the swamplings now. Great if I just had a tab to click, find them in a jif.

A sandbox of sometype might help. Not exactly favorites, as some might be exactly the opposite, but the capability to organize and disperse, maybe sort things into categories. This comes out of some recent sorting done for me on a comic book collection.

See - a friend lent me these comix. He'd like them sold. That's just about nuts- but I feel obligated to do something about it. Strangely selling comics is so similar to building profiles and contacting babes that it makes me wonder why TheComicBookBuy isn't some type of sex god in the Simpsons.

More specifically, there's a technique to selling comics that is very much like building great profiles. Get five or six photos, have good high def ones around. Shoot outside in great light. Show the crease, the staples, pick out faults in detail but show the lift and form of the book in the frame of all faults. Provide great info on providence. Don't overstate. Provide a quick synopsis of the book, what it says, who is introduced- how it flows in a sequence. Get independent evaluations. Bag, board and seal that puppie so the customer knows precisely what they'll get.

However that's not the sorting side.. see at my work there's someone with the capabilities of the comicBookGuy,.. she showed up and just took everything and reorganized it into piles with dates and everything well setout. All the book type comics with spines were in one group- stuff like The Dark Knight -- but with a square spine. Then the Elfquest were in a 2nd group. She put the kept the very old comics -those with high value- in a completely separate one off pile. Everything made sense- but she didn't fuss over any - we were there to enjoy the comics, and they made a lot more sense sorted. The piles were at peace that way.

That's completely not what I'm used to, comics were just stacks of trash stuck in corners of kids basements. We'd be rolling across the concrete by the washing machine sittingin a wheeled hamper with a tub on our head crashing through stacked boxes while people waited their turn sitting on a line of stacked comics two feet high. All those ripped and torn first editions (becuase then - of course - everything was a first edition- like Star Trek, no one had ever heard of "reruns" or "reprints" - why do that-- we already read it,. saw that episode)

Sorta off topic there.. okay.. yeah-- a sandbox. Specifically I'd like to drag and drop to say,. create a category of chicks that may be interested in interstellar factional wars- it could happen; another for the lasses that are far away; maybe something for the frenchies with bad attitudes and tattoos.. Not an inclusionary cateogorization but more along the lines of the seating arrangement that Bilbo setup for his send off party; 111 people, 111 seats, Saskville Bagginss down at the bottom with their feet on the table, still there- not tossed in the abyss to float down to Mordor.
Joined: 2/8/2009
Msg: 6 (view)
What men want
Posted: 3/15/2013 8:44:57 PM
If the babes are giving me rides there has to be entirely amazing reason for me to initiate a breakup- cause I have a car , but like the rides.

His explanation seems a little quirky, and maybe I can try to guess what seems the point. When we're in a lower place- things are somewhat difficult, its non-helpful when folk emphasize the problematic. This is so obvious in my workplace that its silly- we have challenges and folk generally know who caused them, where they sprung from, but it simply is not mentioned. There's more than enough difficulty establishing what happened, how we can recover, what can be done to mitigate in the meantime and how a fix can be deployed. There's no talk about "the guilty".

Of course that might have nothign to do with your situation,. just seemed you had a bit of school-marm in cruise control.

I don't exactly see "is supportive" as a primary keeper quality. I mean- some would have to be damn nutso to be supportive. The dog had enough trouble when I accidentally flooded the home and caused about,.. well three full floors of damage. It wasn't necessary for our billet, the kids and the whole bebabble to also be truly joyful over the situation when they got back from Brazil. They were quietly supportive- but not exactly encouraging.

I've had similar things with the Camaro explosion, the difficulty with the lost chocolate eggs and any numnber of slightly awkward situations that might not best be explained in a group. Sometimes women should not be entirely supportive- they can be calm but still reasonably ask, "was it me you were talking about with the lost eggs?".

I suppose my notions of "should be supportive" might have a wider pan across the grand canyon than all others.

Why do guys actually break up? What's the real reason? Well,-- if the babe is bored with us, and leaves that sorta obviuos, if she's contemptuous and more or less thoroughly disgusted with the situation - the far pines seem to sway, its easy to imagine walking out in them past the moonlight to a grand glade padding about with muddy hairy feet, troolloping about after spirits and nymphs of the morning light.

There can be more direct reasons. Everyone has this "she was a crazy" one thing they complain about,. but there are more traumatic aspects that challenge many. If they've a file cabinet of their own at social services, the local police, the province, serveral security firms, parliament hill and the provincial and city courts its beautiful, but yeah have to guess some of those dudes that felt the need to complain were scared when the weapons were produced. They may have felt that danger was imminent when she showed up screaming at their dental office, the consulate, the bank and the airline. Beauty is in the eye of the beholder, but best keep an eye on them.

Stark danger is one thing - and rare- but just general disturbance can be difficult too. I'm not absolutely against pure contempt oozing from every pore a women might own. That's a women's perogative- or something- tis certainly not uncommon. The issue I have is the absolute negation of the value of others. See, some of my friends aren't complete borttom licking scum.. so when women suggest in their tone and pedantic preachy rants, and in front of my friends.. well I don't like to see that type of insult. Its not disrespectful to be wrong, but to let it go on forever, in the face of others who are simply being gloriously accepting and supportive -- well insults can be too much. Surprisingly its the strong and competent that I see cut down this way.. everyone seems to realize that my bud The-Bad-Breath-Guy needs a hand, and Anger-Managment-Dude jsut needs a car with very strong springs. Being abusive to the CEO or others that actually run large organizations.. Well I know its mean spirited but I've broken off things over that, ---- well, the babe was trying to coerce her bro to stop talking to their parents as a condition of visiting the nephews. I'm not that fond of manipulations.

So ..manipulation, danger, contempt-- those seem deal breakers. But they gotta be heavy hitting.

And can I just apologize for the appalling long post. Its a gift a magii provides me.
Joined: 2/8/2009
Msg: 5 (view)
Disability- is it a deal breaker?
Posted: 3/15/2013 4:29:14 PM
Kristerz,.. from the other thread you've likely grasped that I can only post if its long. So I'll leave my actual answer to the end to the end of the post. You can skip there. I apologize, "The geis is often a device in the tales of bottom-trolling scum hunters. Traditionally, the doom of these unrepentant azz-wipe butt chasers comes about due to their violation of their geis, either by accident, or by having multiple geasa and then being placed in a position where they have no option but to violate one geis in order to maintain another."

I've been wondering about a girl I knew in university. She was an acquaintance of Terry Fox, a few years ahead at SFU, she dated the captain of the football team. ONe night while they canoodled on North Road a drunk cannonned through the light at Austin Road and sent their vehicle flying 200 feet. The babe, let's call her Prisella, was left a parapelgic,with minimal feeling, but still a lot of minor muscle control. She was also uber-haut. On campus she lived on the ground floor facing Mount Baker and the location of the eventual glass shaking explosion that was to be the demise of Mt St Helen's. Next door were a bunch of ne're do'wells. She was freinds with our team, had a cool electric wheelchair. Made it to a bunch of parties.

Our bud Bag would take her on trips, drive her van with the funky turning disk and ramp. They'd hit Safeways, he'd break packages and look for deals or hide cheese in her wheelchair. Prisella had long brunette hair, leading towards auburn, and funky lanky body and some interest in the guy thing... which never materialized, at least around me.. We'd have her with us for functions though.. she'd be carried on to guys laps, or we'd run with her in our arms. In the main quadrangle for big functions it was often impossible to get her to a washroom in time - so 4 or 5 of us would hide her (mostly) behind shrubs and strip her down so she could pee in her dish.... googlie eyed stare out at the nasties watching us wondering "hm. what's up here?"

Prisella probably dealt with it better than most. I expect, and would have liked to try out what could happen. That may have gone somewhere, but I think she saw me as ephemeral, and maybe frustrated with my 15 year old gf (I was 18, she was 5'10"- her dad was a local cop).. things never developed (not with Prisella- I saw the 15 year old 26 years later- she looked the same - her boys were 6'4"). The practical side wasn't as much a concern as maybe just - was she interested? The lass was more than enough seductive, and of course we imagined we knew her better after helping to change her a few times.

She was just a bit wizer in this world than the rest of us. I really don't know how much was from before. AFter was strange enough. Her floor had a few of the more troubled. The local tart had something like a flytrap situation going on in her next door apt. That left her child and a troop of hangers-on to roam.. The 3 of them soon realized my bud was more or less open season, - they would not leave, a few times stripped her down in her bed and more or less sexually assaulted her. I'd have thought that was beyond the capabilites of 5 to 7 year olds... It was close to a third of a century ago, but Melissa- you were a bad little girl, evil captain of that possie.

Where was this going.. Sorta lost ..Bueller, are you there?/

OKay-- sure some guys/women folk, - they'll get a little peculiar on this deal. That doesn't mean you can't absolutely make it work, cause obviously you're very sure how that can happen. I'd probaly skip mentioning it in your profile. There's plenty of time to hit some of that later- and its usually the case that there are much more serious matters. I mean- its not "the thing" about you, or about a relationship with someone else. What the connection is, why, how you relate. Those matter more.

Aghh- I have to add more,..
...It may be funky to explore some of your creativity as a come-on to establish what you're like. I've this theory that connections build a bit like sampling foods. If the dish has six or seven of the tastes we're looking for that's amazing- even if there's 30 that don't hit it. We catch glimmers from the avatar that people establish. Look through the aspects and facets they polish up and show to us. A few flit by unnoticed but sometimes only the tentrails of a phrase will catch our attention. IF there are several of those it builds a sense 'this can be'. That connection is a bunch more important than all the practical info like job, studies, where we live.
Joined: 2/8/2009
Msg: 3 (view)
How do I approach ladies that are into ladies?
Posted: 3/15/2013 3:16:22 PM
Let's just assume that I'm only making up stuff- cause that would be true.

My impression is that getting to know girls, from the girl's side, isn't a lot different from other dating, except--- they're a bit more diverse, lots are sensitive to the "is she actually trolling for a 3some with her bf", many wonder "is she actually a guy".

A few gfs were and are heavily into this side. Some doing the lipstick/lesbian thing, other so deeply immersed in the subculture they've their own argot and sign language about everything from borrowing cigarettes to maneuvers on babysitting and how to deal with social services.

My impression is that you'd be best off establishing one look, one type of persona/facet of yourself and emphasizing that. You're not making your photos provocative enough. Maybe spend some time and make this good-two-shoes look shine. Get rid of the shared goofy-pantomine with the gfs, hit some slightly more curvacous and wicked photos. Have action going on. Straight women are doing that lots - its not necessary to be risque or wild, but maybe tie your shoelace with a lighter dress on. Avoid any "I could also use this photo as an attachment to a job interview". I'd probably make a call-out card, something like,"O-love you XxMerKxX - alwayZ ChristinaXx" or whatever your username is..sorry- forgot (I'm not planning to send a note immediately). Its best to really nix the possiblity that you're part of a 3some plan, or at least be ready to deal with it.

Girls I've known that look are thoroughly sick of the half-lez seeking thing- particularly when its mostly not convincing. Even those that are 95% straight don't want to see it in prospectives. They keep an eye out, looking for those that catch their interest. Its sorta crucial to have something going on with the main photos. The 95% straight one had a long leg wrapped in boot laces- in fact she was only 5'1" so the whole "long" thing was a camera angle trick- but that brought in 100s of pings.

Specific photo suggestions. Good light, outside, crop, fix colors. What do you admire? Be that girl- let's say its the workplace women- tight t-shirt under a man's crisp shirt, taped tight at the back so its form fitting, crawl around a little and get 20 photos- find the best. Photoshop little happy faces on the buttons. Brighten a few highlights in the hair.

I'm a big fan of captions. Lead those towards conversations.

Contacts are best short. One sentence. Don't go out of the way on the "read your profile" thing. Keep it short but meaningful. Read their profile closely to look for secret hidden things- a real connection.

There seems a lot of variation in what a bi-relationship means for women. Some its just on and off, they share working on ceramics too, painting some plates. Others its a full on exploration of every facet of bizaarro human sexuality- very tuff to step in as a replacemeent after the babe has truly experimented. See where you and your partner fit.

oh - noo.... alright-- I've a wonderful geis awarded by the most amazing enchantress the world has known. She's allowed me to post if I simply can make it to 600 words,. this is never a struggle. I don't end up padding my posts with extra bits, wandering off into tangents or half truths-- seriously.... on this topic- its well known that I must be knowledgeable - and it helps if I add more, sorta flesh out the theme from the "I've not the least goddamn clue" side..
.... but as I've a moment to tippeytapp more-- can I add,.. so it may be that the girls are more into ... well devices. They impro. Those glass things-- some like to nuke them in the microwave to warm them up. All those lubricants- that's an entire science the babe's know inside and out. I don't see much in the way of battery or power options- but maybe the folk I knew weren't the type to put up with a problem with AA batteries. Whichever way it goes it may be worthwhile familiarizing yourself with the adult fun superstore, Cuffs too- and tape. Why they like it-- I don't know.. Huge commotion in the store when I refused to pick those up. The astro-emo babe with the tattoes was distainful-- then hurtful, then they began talking together in french-- looking down at me, except from 5'1",.. but mean- in leather.
Joined: 2/8/2009
Msg: 2 (view)
Headshot deleted?
Posted: 3/15/2013 2:10:14 PM
Just retry. The photos are being looked at by random strangers. Some aren't paying attention. Some are drunk and disorriented.
Joined: 2/8/2009
Msg: 8 (view)
Do I have a chance for dating on POF or no chance at all
Posted: 3/13/2013 9:46:27 PM
I'm under a minor restriction, or a gift- it allows me to post if I make them 600 words or so...
.. that never drags on though- I don't ever have to pad things or just begin to make up junk simply to get this to 600 words.

The key element to dating, either online or in person, is to develop the capability to read body language and minor hints. With that I could be wrapped up in gauze, drinking from a straw, strussed to poles in Guatanimo bay under high security, after helping Bin Ladin's bodyguard fake his demise-- with sores all over my wretched non-english speaking body. --- and still find dates. Women are surprisingly forgiving of situations, wealth problems, car problems and time problems. They're not so easy going if you don't pick up on where they're at.

Guys keep imagining that women are just dilly-dallying here- not sampling the what's for sale. That's not really the case. Even those going on and on about "don't want intimate encounter", "guy send me pics of his****.. well they also go for it. There are very few that aren't here on the site looking more or less for the mambo-jambo. Sure it happens, some type of weird accident, or a serious problem with hormonal inbalance, and just sorta get drawn to the site. - but even those that are professing a strong desire to hang up their boots, kick back, enjoy the scenery for a while- they keep an eye out for the dashing cabana boy with silvery highlights waiting on the wings.

Women are hunting here. They'd also like to be hunted. its a dating site- not a joke dating site. People, even a few I've met- meet, form relationships, get married, have kids. Quikcly.. very fast- like lickedty split.

Christ, that was not long enough.. okay.. little story.... ,

Chris is a slithly anemic kid,. I'm not exactly sure which one he is- some show up for Risk here on Fridays. So I hear that he's in English class this week - grade 11.. and Hunter and Emma are behind him. Its while they're discussing Macbeth. Scene III. Macbeth's aside near the end- he's talking to the audience about the witches after they've told he's the thane or something..
Hunter turns to Emma-- "what are th worst type of blowjobs?"
Emma.. "ummh well, Derian -- he had some type of thing wrong. He said it was an infection"
Hunter, "oooh, I always thought it was getting it in the eye"
Emma, "or the nose"
Hunter, "was it really an infection - or maybe he's just - you know..."

Meeting people in general helps with -- well look it up. Get setup- look like you're available. Don't get caught with the junk about "do I have money" "oh I'm living with Mom".. many relationships start in times like that. When you're working full time welll - -that is full time- itis not like the other situations that have time for wome.n . They need that- it does take their time- and yours.

At 26.. humm well, that was year 2 of the beach. Great parties in Kitsilano. I lived out of town, an hour away.. stayed at the cuz's place.. and we'd have awesome parties. or others would and I'd hang there.. falafels in the kitchen. people all over the place hidign out in the lofts. creepy guys scaring all the chicks.. whod' jump into our laps.. (hahhah ).

I guess the message is to spend time socially more. Get to know the bakery people, the coffee lady- even if she's 80. find genuine ways to communicate. Get to know the community. It will create a dating worlld for you.

As for POF. Profiles need a seasonal presence. Great photos. punchy colors, captions, At 26 its fine to have about zero in about me, just have phootos.

Don't believe the guys who say the site does not work. They are not using the site.
Joined: 2/8/2009
Msg: 26 (view)
Woman who sucks at sex!!!!
Posted: 3/10/2013 11:02:13 PM
Can I apologize off the bat? Someone wonderful, beautiful and entrancing, a wizardess of the furthest realm, gave me a gift. Its cool- I have to make posts 600 words or more- or they doesn't go through.. Fortunately I always have that much to say, its never rambling, shambling, mambling along. Aaghh..Why?

Okay.. yeah, sure-- the women are supposed to keep their end up, except of course, they don't have to keep an end up. That's for the guys. If you're between 14 and 64 its not as much a problem as learning how to take a car out of park. They are spring loaded by the way, just have to hit the trigger once. Passengers can do it too.

Women can be entrancing, even when they're uninterested and kicking about doing laundry, arguing with us among a throng of folk that reek loathing, or even-- once in a while; private situations.

Yet lots aren't interested in the long drawn out seductive tantalizing game. I've heard, "okay - stop-- I'm here to get nailed!. Held down and nailed. I know you enjoy this teasing playing thing- but no!". There's variety around that theme that I did not expect from growing up in a mostly liberal, anti-war feminist embracing culture.

So should they be the little suckupteresses or is it okay if they generate drama for 8 hours as they eventually lead to situations through the most bizarre type of foreplay? Is it boneheaded to expect head boning or does everything else fit?

Laziness in the sack, sloth, a natural attraction towards a recumbant reclining relaxed and at ease position doesn't work poorly for women. I don't see it as an attraction challenge. There are zero situations like that which didn't eventually lead towards reasonable outcomes, at least from my perspective.

What is with guys and complaining? I mean - maybe skipping details as that sounds too much like Penthouse Letters,. yet. let's look at a natural situation, you're together in a lobby, the lobby-cam is rolling, her friend phones down to say, "the entire building can see you! Why are you letting him do that to YOUR ASSS!",.. so she freaks, thinking she's going to be evicted that minute, you rush out. The car is in front raring to go, zzoom, zoom, whirl though town, find a parking spot at the beach, matters start to roll,. and you look out, there are 8 teens looking in the goddamn window, some with cellphones and those stupid little lights. So the big van rolls on out of the lot,..find a quiet street. Does anyone know how to completely make blowjobs work in a car,. or enjoy looking out the window for people that might be chasing the car- or are chasing the car, are giving us the thumbs up - as we race along passing folk in the left most lane, weaving through traffic? Isn't it better to just settle onto a quiet road, somewhere the traffic can see us and swing by,. bend that stupid armrest out of shape- leave some odd stains about..?? Cause that works- its better than competing options- the weird fight on the beach, the 400 lb gf that got stuck in the ikea chair, all the lezbo killer friends in that smoke filled room. I can handle plan A.. It didn't include as much "work" on the part of the babe as might be imagined but they naturally put effort in without meaning to. It built into them much like the rinse cycle with a washing machine. You'd think it wasn't going to do anything for a long while and then suddenly things just start to move and shake. And its all better.

By the way, if they're in rinse, and your friend walks by the car, looking for his car, and you're wearing green paint all over your back, its helpful if the chick does not let on that he's looking her directly in the eye. Most don't. They keep up their end.
Joined: 2/8/2009
Msg: 12 (view)
Posted: 3/9/2013 8:49:01 PM
Volcano's message is mostly clear. She used to respond to all messages, now she only responds to some, and delete/blocks a bunch. She gets lots of messages. And she's here for the forums. I suppose it makes some sense for her to pointlessly entrail herself into bazongho and unthought communication with dudes that send, "Hi",. but of course that's for the lifetime when unendurable limbo and pergatory seem an attractive option.

That's the whole of my message. I'm stcuk with having to post 600 words, or I can't post at all..

so... don't you guys start to get it? There's no equality of the sexes that needs men to send a blah "hello babe", so she can consider getting back after looking over the crappy photos we put together in 30 seconds. Let's maybe compare this to selling comics, which I'm considering as a favor to a friend.

As I've done zero selling online this will be a new exploration for me. I've looked over the competition. Dudes have 10000 positives on ebay. They post photos of their comic. Its shot in great light, the cover is clear. There's a side shot showing how the spine sits, how the staples sit. Another photo pics out the curl of the corner as a flaw. Then there's a shot of some inside pages and a back shot. They're all against a light grey background- not busy, nothing else. Just that one thing for sale. There's also a description, not wowzing it up- just the straight junk, some history, where the comic came from, what the story is a little, who is introduced. The costs are straight, feedback is clear from other buyers. Comics with this sorta effort sell regularly for $10 and less. Bigger purchases-, in the $70 to $300 range have certified assessments- they're sealed. The comic sells itself- but folk do spend the money to prove what's up. To make sure its not fake.

Contrast that to guys photos and profiles. We're dropping old pics, a lot is blurry, poor contrast, bent and mixed up about me, nothing real -nothing that picks out who we are. We're a $3000 investment or thereabouts ... so you'd like women to get back on that, with a "how's it hanging?" note?.. sure..

The women are trying to date. It is a site for that. Some get disillusioned. Others turn to the forums. Many are swamped by the twerps that try the spam routine. Yet simply creating a presence, sending a simple note- not long. That can work.

I recommend looking over a profile carefully. Find what's going on with that person, there's sometimes a bit of a riddle about what they're looking for. Find a time or maybe a situation that melds with their persona, what they're doing and send a note about that. No question, but an observation that they may feel obligated to get back on.

We're only trying to build that initial positive contact here. Trying to beat the system or whine that they're not getting back to us ignores that this is somewhat miraculous this works at all. We can lounge on our duff and contact people from wherever. Its possible to create a glimmer of "that can work out" with someone we've no chance of meeting naturally. Those can be amazing- all day wonderful.

Christ almighty ooo.. this is still to short- and I've wandered all over hell's half acrew with screwye junk already.. Umh.. soo.. well ah--- who did this?/ I know that's maybe messing with the geis. and gift from a wonderful girl I suspect-- but who would allow me this opportunity to learn to write by forcing this 600 words thing? One wonders.
Joined: 2/8/2009
Msg: 11 (view)
International Law?
Posted: 3/9/2013 6:58:10 PM
Igor, I was not addressing your post. I only skimmed that before I wrote. However you're correct. Mine was a disorganized series of anti-talk fragments.

There are probably two points that I'd like to make.
1) altruistic statements and visions for international law oppose reality. These may as well be discussions about courts on the rings around Neptune. They are not as much naive as they are counterproductive to meaningful discussion about the situation.
2) Our trials are only for a select group that has become disenfranchised, exposed, dependent and vulnerable to coersion through the manipulation of proxy hostages.

The first point is obvious. Folk that imagine Karl Rove, the leaders of the Kenesett or the chairman of General Dynamics will face a court over war mongering in Iraq and Afghanistan have poppies growing from their head. Its the same with Ahmadinejad, Kim Jong-Il and al-Assad. They will remain free men until we destroy their power bases, subjugate their people and put the everyone they care for in the way of great harm. International law is not for people that have power bases.

We cannot prosecute anyone that's in place of power unless they're in some backwater butt-hole land- like Kenya, or a post-war apocalypse like Serbia. Its not just because they're subjects to the meaningful laws of their own lands, but also because the people in their power base will rise up and threaten our infrastructure and soft targets if we capture a leader or influential person. That's why Saddam, Bin Laden and Kaddafi are dead. They couldn't face prolonged trials, France or the US would find bombs in a bunch of bus stations - we simply can't put people to trial if they have a power base--the exceptions are few.

Kenyatta in Kenya-- well he likely reached an epiphany observing the vast NGO involvement in his country could easily hide a squadron of special OPs folks. Going along peaceably looks like a good idea when your group has less sustained firepower available than a South Dakota suburb. He has no place to hide- you can't protect yourself if you're in a desolate wasteland - unless you're in a cave- and that exposes the people in your group.

At this point I've already said too much--- but I'm facing the geis again. Someone special has allowed me an opportunity to post as I see fit- but only if its near 600 words.. aghhh. So a few spinning the bottles paragraphs to follow.

I suppose the Julian Assuage business might be pointed out-- but his situation is a lot more like the murder of Saddam than it is about international criminal law.

The folk involved in the Hague are upright lawyers. They care. They've a detailed understanding of their mandate that I, simply pedalling in the muck of my own self developed prejedices, have no notion. There's a lot of subtlty there that I've not notion about - and it is helping- I mean-- countries that crash and burn sorta need an external law provider- because they have none. ITs just a mismatch of bent tribal, ethnic and political groups there. It helps to have an external provider there- it irons out the discord of a nasty bit of business. Otherwise you have Scotland, and nasty century long grudges.
Joined: 2/8/2009
Msg: 6 (view)
Posted: 3/9/2013 6:08:32 PM
This talk of F/buddies, friend-zone,.. all the douche-modern words that describe poor or hideous opportunities appall me. I don't think that's what the OP had. She felt used- but the situation had redeeming features, probably mostly hers. I'm not sure people agree to user/taker relationships.

Looking at the comments its obnoxious to hear all these poffer phrases to cut down genuine questions. Does everyone have to revert to this minimalistic verbage with terms like "exclusive talk", "single", "not looking for a baby daddy", "gold digger".. all this talk about relationships as if they are primarily some type of negotiation. I don't see them that way at all - my impression is that many of the people who worship those forms and words are tragically lacking key pieces of socialization. They back that theory up themselves- -- these simplistic methods to assess relationships simply showcase there own failure to grasp how people form couples, or date, or have situations that sorta work but sorta don't.. which is much what most of us have- and many are happy with.

I do not see that in the OP. She's trying to establish whether to persue a relationship with someone-- well,.. a guy- not a lot different from most of us. I'm not sure I'd recommend the dude, but I don't see we need to bag on the OP for being mixed on the situation. That's her question, should she reel in the contact or let it go, knowing that she'd miss out on something that she's been thinking about a bunch.

To me- all really great relationships seem to begin from that wonderous phase of just lots of .. that.. People might seem used, and I have on occasion- but if your babe has a glimmer in her eye asking what it would be like to tell our buds about the long serious of bunnyrabbit situations we've been engrossed in-- that's not bad. I can handle that. It can turn to ski trips and kayaking, kids and all types of involvement, but in the beginning, simply getting sore, and tired and thinking- 'whoa, If I NEVER have to do that again I'll be fine",.. its a good memory.

However there is a secret I should confess. In the forums I'm stuck with a gift from a secret admirer. Not sure who- but someone has made it impossible for me to post unless its close to 600 words,.. so off exploring we go on that...
... hasn't anyone else just had a bunch of what the OP had-- and enjoyed it, thought "hey-- all we have is this one night,. then left in the morning,. kiss goodbye on the forehead, three other guys kicking around the room- don't wanna stir up trouble, and it just kept on- and on . .. soon there's a cat you share- and a 2nd.. and then furniture, bank accounts, the family only speaks to her to make plans?"

It doesn't always start just with bunny-rabbit-ville, and sometimes that doesn't lead past into another zone- but I don't personally recall many situations where dating cleanly lead to shared private vacations with just the two of us. It was always some type of convolved situation.. maybe seeing one girl, another showed up, the two became friends, tagged on a vacation.. then girl 2 takes off for several days and me and the girl who is really an ex have to whip around Watts looking for her where she's holed up off the interstate at some dude's grandma's place, getting used and abused repeatedly by Nathan,. and happy for it?

Didn't anyone else know girls that enjoyed themselves?
Joined: 2/8/2009
Msg: 9 (view)
International Law?
Posted: 3/9/2013 2:41:15 PM
Laws are terms of redress that go beyond the common resolution of disputes in social communities. Once communities grow past a few thousand not everyone knows everyone else by proxy so social resolutions cannot proceed -that's why we have law. Expecting justice from law is an appallingly naive view of the history of legal resolution and makes understanding and enjoyment of our current situation hard. Its like a blind wish for appropriate resolution and leads to confusion with an unsatisfying conviction that things have gone wrong. Its more fun seeing that things have gone completely right, and this is the best world,.. just more complex than the murmuring "everything should be fair..".

International law is another mess. It is dominated by the one factor of the modern age. There no longer are major powers- there is one superpower with immediate, close and medium allies, moderate enemies and the disconnected. There are no serious enemies anymore because having one superpower denies the structure to support a clear contender for that role. Within that there's an alteration in the notion of friend and friedemy.

IN that arena I see Iran is a medium ally of the US. There is trade between the two countries, they both participate in international symposiums and discussions to outline the way the modern world changes. There is tacit approval of spheres of interest. They respect each others boundaries. Britain and the US were allies in 1850 but were not that closely aligned.

In contrast Libya was a bull hein place that the west created by buying oil from Kaddafi- we manufactured his rule as we have with two dozen mixed up situations from Saudi Arabia, Kuwait and to some degree even Scandanavia. The western world has enormous impact in small resource based countries. When we buy from one guy we make that person the great ruler of the area. If its a natural resource that can be easily extracted in a primary way the control of that resource allows some to get rich- irrespective of any common notion of fairness.

ON the other side of the equation identifying who the immediate allies of the US are needs no more trouble than looking at UN voting records,. The Israel, Palau, Canada, Australia and France and Lithuania vote with the US with constant coherence that could never be be expected from Texas, Tennessee and South Dakota if they were countries. There is a voting block that's absolutely loyal, stretching across the east and west coasts,.. out across the ocean, but not so far into the corn belt and south.

Next up as close but not immediate allies to the US are folk like Germany, South Africa, Russia, Brazil -- okay- that's getting dull to recite- just basically- this affects how laws are procecuted. There is no such thing as "fair" law- unless you'd like to realize that the US can send snipers and Reapers to any spot in the world that is no run by our immediate and close allies. We can and do kill children and absolute non-combatants.

East Timor and a lot of messed up places -- any place that is killing Red Cross workers for immunizing for polio- those spots are moderate enemies. Among the moderate enemies we've placed a type of moneykilling ban- attempting to control their behavior- so Kenyatta in Kenya is getting hassled over participating in the slaughter of 10,000 opponents following the 2008 election. He probably did it. We'd have no influence, and would not be pushing this except-- well we help support the place.

Representing the disconnected zone we only have North Korea. There's less of that type of game since Myammar took a buy out to play with capitalism, if we'll let them.

Big international law will always favor superpowers, whoever that may be. Might does create right- its obvious. Small and medium international law can go either way--- so the US could find that a few of their own people are arrested for genocide, rape and pillaging. But its only a show. That will never go anywhere on a large scale. The people stacking guys into pyramid and violating dudes with glass rods in AbboBamoGammi prison are laughing it up-- and have little to fear.

Yet any type of individual prosecution has to be influenced by western interests. Julian Asswipe is in trouble over what might be called transparent and crazed playacting of manipulative beach witches,.. "me and Jules had sex - after a condom broke,- but as there's only the single bed, we cuddled, had breakfast- and slept there the next night"..

Mine is a harsh evaluation so soon after a day to celebrate women's rights, but to me that's to respect strong women, like my Great Aunt Bertha, who witnessing my kid fussing on a family reunion said, "I never liked children, and I had ten, but you have to be nice to them because they pick your retirement home". I don't believe Aunt B would have sided with the swedish babes. She might have felt they'd planned to get laid - as of course, those were their own words on the subject. I'm not so sure she'd have great things to say about crying rape over what seems from the outside- to be an intensely gerbil-like coupling between uninspired participants. But I'll not write words she can no longer say. She was a great aunt for her own words.

If I was in the Hague I'd be looking at the court more as theatrics than as law- and not great theatre either. -- get more genuine and believable actors downtown in the redlight district.
Joined: 2/8/2009
Msg: 39 (view)
HI!! review me.. im a getting hate mail :(
Posted: 3/8/2013 11:04:39 PM
You're getting hate mail from guys that have been tossed in the abyss. They're clawing their way out, looking for anything to grab onto. That septum ring for example.

Can I apologize for this long post. Must respect the geis; a gift from the magii.

While I agree with Indira and a few other posters about negative in profiles, this is not one of those whiney bleeah rants that many profiles become. Sure there is some asinine junk with the long list repeating the restrictions, but the photos are great and there's a spark of feisty. If someone is getting 50 notes a day they're sampling many of the guys in their neigh-boar-hood. Under that truckload of manhood leafmold must be a few gropers that are worthy of crawling.

This is one of the classic target profiles. Guys end up driving these women off the site. They build a new profile to try again, then get frustrated and start trolling for trouble, looking for ways to provoke her and get her offed. Cool-- plan --- I wish all the hater/shamers would entertain themselves some other way.. and I've a suggestion. Before you start hassling or nastifying the babes, borrow an irrigation bag, or maybe just put together something with a bucket and a hose. Mix bonnet pepper hot sauce, drano and crush five aspirin- mix in warm water-put in the attic with a siphon down into the basement. Find a dark corner and ..

As to why the profile works. It sustains a presence. We can easily image what the person is. The photos transport her into a real person that anyone can see as a whole. They do that through 2 full frame and a few closeups in multiple situation and moods. The clothing fits. There's a variety and we can see form. She's not hiding in her photos. There's a brightness to them. So many have some minor variation on the theme of dog, closeup, poor contrast, hiding behind clothes, the car- friends littering the situation. Why do that?

As this is profile review,... maybe some suggestions: You're getting lots of notes. That's not hurting. Probably this is to organize dates and not simply to compete for the inbox full awards. That by the way can be 200 to 300 per day.-- and isn't held by the hottest chicks-- they're regular kinda cranky people in person.

The profile is slightly negative but its a little informative in that. The bad type of negative is just globally a drag. The objective of the negative is to encourage people to self-cull. Its meant as a method to filter- and in that it almost always fails miserably. The people who are driven away by the negative are the better ones, or some of them. If an inbox is a completely unmanageable mess maybe that works-- but I think it works better to create more a sense of person by constructing anecdotes, observations or even flat out silly junk that helps build contact points. Everyone has things they resonate with or might find a connection with. If you shine a few of these facets- maybe a dozen or so in some detail,.. like how you like jumping horses in the close hopping style,. but holding elbows near the mane- people have an opportunity to see whether they work with that. If there are a few points that work in their heads they're drawn to maintain a conversation, past all the strange bull heist that pofferdrama can become.

This won't reduce the load of butt wipe that shows up in an inbox, but there's not much that can be done about that. The hotties get that. Making a nasty, takedown profile that seems like part of a war on the streets is not a terrible thing. But it might not build the sense of person that one wants talking to an actual prospective date. Don't talk to the people you wouldn't accept- they're not the people you're advertising to. While it may be satisfying there's no reason to explain to them why they can't ride in the Mustang. Post that rant in the forums, not your profile.

So-- trail of breadcrumbs,.. special tastes, so only those that like that bread follow. Doesn't matter if you leave a few rocks in the road. Your own private ducklings will follow.
Joined: 2/8/2009
Msg: 13 (view)
Is my profile too long?
Posted: 3/5/2013 4:00:14 PM
OP, I meant to comment on your "my photo was nuked" thread- but the thread was closed. As I'd invested a little in -- well wasted typing I've copy/pasted from there


Your photos are somewhat a challenge. Someone did you a favor to delete the jester thing. Comedic photos are terrible, the context that reveals why the pantomine is funny or revealing is lost in a single photo, particularly if the poster omits captions. STick to the hopeful things- participation, close, medium and full frame. There is no secret cadre of near hot chicks on the lookout for the strange but hopeful closeups of someone's oversized nose.

However I'm enjoying a geis that's encouraging me to explore my writing to the tune of about 600 words or I can't post. Thank you great genii from the eaether.

Pics are 80% of the profile in the sense that the clickaways will happen mostly from photos. Getting photos that don't instigate that "nah-- moving on" sense is requisite. Most seem to grasp this innately but others have a "she/he will appreciate me for what I am; they'll understand the dolphin figuring as well"

No,. it does not work that way. We have to express ourselves through the photos. And tha'ts the cooolest thing- because its possible to build a sense of person through several casually chosen photos. We don't even have to choose well. People can piece together a sense of what we'd be like to see in public simply by looking over several of our photos in sequence. Their minds knit it all into a whole. You don't have to work hard at it.. - but there's a catch- if you don't give them enough they can't. They need a few closeups, relaxed, good color, good light, maybe a few situations and expressions, a few medium photos, maybe building into something involving others. One or two full frame to complete. That awards our prospective dates the opportunity to have about 25% of the sense of person that anyone that saw us on a bus would grasp. We owe it to the non-bus riding public to build profile photos that help that much. Failing to do that is simply not building a profile- and we get click-a-ways. Many... Women cruise through here from sub-orbital ships, near the stratosphere, they're going mach 11.. they have their "can I be scene" juice slathered all over-- and they're gone, and we never know.

The power of photos is that they can in some sense replace the aspects and almost smell of hope that meeting in person provides. We're meant to be social creatures, enjoying the verbal interchange and develping dynamics of citi or tribal meeting situations. We'd glance at someone a few times, maybe again another day, circle closer, overhear the person talking, eventually make a connection. The miracle that online activities can provide somethign like-wise to In-real-life meeting is somewhat astonishing. but we have to support all the little things that make that work.

OP,. you're fighting the things that generate the power to meet people through this medium. All your photos are closeups. a few clown. Don't.

To create photos; a) get something that fits. b) shoot outside c) get 100's of photos- you're a commitment- don't cheat d) crop and fix colors, use the editor, e) rotate f) be seasonal g) update to keep things fresh always. h) add captions to all photos,. i_) really do it- these things are the basics of dating online. they're no more difficult than finding socks.
Joined: 2/8/2009
Msg: 11 (view)
Posted: 3/3/2013 8:35:47 PM
She was deleted by the system, blocked you or deleted herself.

If she deleted her profile you'd still have her correspondence,..or as UK says,.. something else occured.

I'm in "something else" myself; obligated to work through another 560 words if I'd like this posted.

As this is freeland can I just pontify?.. See-- I've this notion that connections could be based somewhat on the speculations of intergalactic beings- feasting on our innermost desires. They could be after anything. Maybe its the irresponded affections from deeply misguided and inappropriate tortured mates,. or the twisting hurtfilled dissonance from our closest and most trusted confederates. In a large universe there's no reason that any type of feeding might develop, and I wonder how those could be..

Callealla is there now, indigo lights filtered past a bamboo bramble of roots and slime to the constantly searching band of searching eyes- looking for those that are failing to dissipate a connection they need but don't feel. Those that have even the least aspect of the sibyant desires we respect may also share an octo-unbroken quatum eigenstate with our most beloved. It should be multiple connected. Must be. And that simply makes sense- cause the attacments can't be only on the basis of a few chemical strings, we're not only from the lost chains of some molecules and pheronomes flirting with our synapes. Its deeper,. - there's an other type of jungolorama creepign through the prootogplaasmica slimemold ov our coretexes., harbouring a darker more fervent horendous bitstream from the channel of our lost plastic souls.

However, if its only a quantum connection how is it broken? One would guess that those survive forever- nothing is interferring with the nascent aspect and facets of oct-bit desire. Why then are our closest and most slotharkian besonkomates lost to us in the bits of pasty sliethinkiing that we manufacture out of the guichi Target Walmar and Costco lifestyles our **** pussie meat bags slither amongst day by day?

OMG. a merciful genie fixed this 600 word count nightmare.. That last was only 328 words. Thank you Great Hairy Eye In The Sky. I'd re-edit the nonsense that I appointed while under the geis but clearly its the most sensible well thought out words I've ever imagineered. Nite all.

Edit, "If someone under a geis violates the associated taboo, the infractor will suffer dishonor or even death. On the other hand, the observing of one's geasa is believed to bring power."
Joined: 2/8/2009
Msg: 16 (view)
Posted: 3/3/2013 7:37:16 PM
I'm glad you know better because I, too, take my responsibilities very serious.

OP, you're providing a view from Dostoyevskey's attic without his dreams and aspirations. No make-up works because guys don't want their girl made up,.. that's not saying they'd like her pale with poor contrast. You have striking features. I'd say 'hot' but that might not help the plan. however everyone who is dating does have to appear hot to someone; this is a baking center- so maybe work that angle... Some aren't dating- differentiate from those.

There is art to the austure, reveal the nature of human emotions under trial, allow mankind to live the realization of mortality and the sin of unrequited hope. Profile photos must not journey into that vein.

That is all I have to say. Unfortunately I'm suffering from a geise- it requires me to post 600 or so words.. AGhh. Really- okay--- trooping on (I still think this is dramatic blowback from the PolyM's arena-- but she's likely seeing wilder)..

Ummh.. I just read up on how to sell comics,.. which is so close to how to sell onself that -- well- its not close at all,. but I've a few words I must add. Get good light. Outside is best. Use the editor, fix colors. Play with it. Show things in their best situation and be absolutely clear. Incidentally- I have zero comics- a friend just dumped them on me as part of the deal for driving in 90minutes from out of town. Now I'm stuck with them.

However.. the same info applies. shoot outside, no distracting background. Several setups. With the comics they have a cover photo, an open leaf format, one pic of a sample page, show one flaw in detail and then the back cover. That works with people as well- or better. much better because unlike with a comic, which is only a $30 commitment (I'm hoping) we're each and everyone one of us $30k deals. Its expensive to date losers (as someone suggested today about a tattoo I might get for my forehead). Guys and women would like the full deal. Hitting on at least as much as someone might grasp if they shared an elevator seems requisite.

Great photos are also fresh feeling. They were shot recently- not like a plastic sample stuck in the window- but more like today's best fresh sushi, or bread. I favor the following for photos. Get 4 rotating as primary photo, two keepers in the main photos and six rotating in the tertiary pics. Add captions to all so you build a story, create a connection.

As for makeup.. mixed on this. With darker complexion you should of course consult someone who knows one simple thing about this topic. Why ask guys? They don't wear makeup. There are some looks and many situations that look great without any, but lots that look better with some- and the guys simply have no idea that their perceptions have been altered by the addition.

Profile photos are key. They establish the basis of many connections. I have the impression that some don't want to make an attempt on those under the theory that they'll bring in the wrong type with vampy pics. Anyone can cover themselves in fake tattoes with a sharpie, get several photos on an eclectic jello version of twister and find a few contacts. I'm considering it myself.. there is this notion that posting minimalistic photos auto-culls and brings in only the best. I'd like a few to try the twister and see if the best show up there.
Joined: 2/8/2009
Msg: 20 (view)
Why do girls judge a guy by his first message
Posted: 3/1/2013 10:34:36 PM
Sorry bout the long post-curse of the magi

First messages are an interestinG subject because thry are so different from regular contacts. In many places we see people, maybe observe sports or work, eventually make contact amd circle closer. It can sbe without lamguage. Women can and decide a guy is a keeper before hes uttered a word. The situation is only ours to screw up-always entertaining

Here allthe phernome and circling body language cant work. We resort to other stratrgies to present viability to friend targets? As theyre refered to by the professional, some guys and many women stufy this , in detail.

Lots like the wordy byplay to stroke their senses. Others find that upsetting,pointless and an insult to their culture. Some dont brleive in text based chitchat of any form. Hi is all you get. Hey didnt you get the mesage with the photo.

I dont think that is your primary question op. and my little tippy fingers are getting sore flogging yhis. 600 words or i cant post. People mostly cull based on perofile photo. Then its a quick glance at our info. Pro?ably not read osur about me. It s just a glance. AnD thats fair, we made them look, did we need more to grt attention?

To me were given almost too much of a break here. People get back when theres no reason to. Its hard to shake things that hace even the least tendril of hope. And i like that. Its alittle speciial but hoping for something amazing and having it build magically from a few clicky clacks in the dark is kinda amazing
Gurrr, still to short... K. Sugestions. Look at the person youre trying to reach . Imagine the are getting back to yo. What would that be about. Do you have something the are ready to build with you. Speak about that one topic, it could be todays weather for the right person. Its not a compliment because understanding what the wish to communicate about is a compliment. And it can be hi. Not everyone is a tipeetyper. Even very verbal people can build nonverbal conversations with specific guys .im certain several women have wished i had a muzzle, withquic release snaps. And maybe an auto lube like a two cycle motorcycle.

Im realy wandering now. Has anyone read this far? Cause appaerently i have to write more or abandon this.

The quick judgement can be tragic, and its often confusion. Messages arent clear. Im terrible for that. Its wise to reread with a fresh view, butlots of great contacs are also just based onthat momentary one off contact magic? There is sommething going withthe babe ,and you catch her just at that second that shed like to talk about it. Its why fresh works. Bakery frsh, but we only get the one bun , thes no bakers dozen.

To get that first bit of attention it hlps to build just a tiny bower. Thats a profile, but more just the fist bits, the main photo,new recent seasonal, a good simple statement on top and one or twoaccessible nuggrts to grasp. An interest that shines, a pic that catches the eye, a caption that starts a story.were trying to duplicate the magic of meeting us in the real. Use every tol available.
Joined: 2/8/2009
Msg: 10 (view)
Could I get opnions please??
Posted: 3/1/2013 6:45:53 AM
There's nothing wrong with your profile. You've an excellent smile. The beaches business sounds like fun and deep down what you do is cool to join with..

However this is review land. Should warn. I'm under some type of funky restriction to only post long notes... I apologize in advance.

In the first three paragraphs you advise us of the basis for an introduction. I'd like to paraphrase, "I expect rigorous respect and my time is a premium", "my dude must be sincere in his intent", "When I have time I'll insist on respectful, polite and sincere situations- but my kids are a trump card". Some will read it more positive, most will miss the point. Many will send notes based on the fine white teeth smile in your profile photo.

Lots will use the "what is her plan" note? That's the wacky ones-- see.. ..unlike youngsters some sort hang up the cricket bat. Guys are curious about that. Some impatient. A few are just sending 1000's of notes with the basic intent to dynamite the pond and see if any of the go-ers float to the surface. I don't know if that method works. I get wild notes from women as well, very few- but some are trying to cut to the chase.

Meanwhile, you've also used the "treat you as well as you treat me" and "expect the same from any man I date" structure. That's in the "Stalin taught me this rule- my dates better adher to it; siberia beckons". Its worded in the Human Resources/Admin doublespeak. That's in some companies and bulletins where they're trying to adroitly and pleasantly shape the behavior of an employee of minimal wage employees with zero options. I guess its a suggestion that guys should auto-cull but I don't think it works for that. Guys searching will not self-assessing themselves to determine if they're sufficiently sincere, polite and respectful to match. They're skimming along looking for hotties. All of them. They're not in a self-assessment mode and - really that's for later.

Auto-culling does not seem to work at all. The message isn't seen by the worst. Better catches are super-sensitive to that type of verbal architecture and just move on. Its similar with the auto-filtering through restrictions. Most guys picked those selections more or less randomly- so making restrictions simply reduces the number in the pool irrespective of true nature and intent.

Profiles are simply to create a contact. Its not difficult to reject the tendrils looking to talk to you, and the block feature works. In that regard I suggest a more open profile that hints at the fresh and seasonal you. The trudge through relationship Mordor in your first three paragraphs probably isn't helping as much. Its delaying letting guys know where the glimmers of contact possibility begin.

Meanwhile photos matter a bunch. Your main photo is great and a few others should be kept, but there's not anything full frame. There should be two or three. To be fair sprinkle as many photos the same sense of form that glancing from a busstop would support. A few athletic pics- maybe getting gas, or moving the cooler at the beach. Active situations, useful things- just pics of the day to day grind, and someone happy or easy in them - those make good pics.

Look for a bunch of photos 0r get someone who knows what they are doing. 35 photos from a pro will have 8 excellent profile shots. 4000 photos from us proletariat glob might have 3 or 4 that are good. Its an art - that's why they call it "the art of photography". Use the editor, fix colors, crop, etc.

Add captions. they're the bridge.. I keep saying that but I honestly think they're like little bits of breadcrumbs to chase- with spicey sauce and honey..

Fill in the interests with a bit more fun. Cooking is not an interest, or spring, - get searchable things.. I don't know-- but that's the point- I don't know your interests.

The idea, at least from my perspective, is to build a fresh view- something that just gleams with what a person is today. It should hit a few of the major facets of their life. Those need not be positive- they're simply their to create resonance, respect for that person's way- if enough of those exist, or a few key ones, we can't help to feel a contact. Trying to get the diamond in the rough requires trolling through the mucky muddy littered sea, you'll need a shark hook and nose plugs but a great picture of you will bring out that person who can be part of your life. You don't want to lose him because you're spending all your time and effort talking to those you don't want to meet. Don't make your profile a message to the "do not want you's"
Joined: 2/8/2009
Msg: 4 (view)
Real Love
Posted: 2/28/2013 10:29:18 PM
I'm under a curse- my posts have to be long or POF won't accept them. I apologize,. but I'd like to comment.

A while back after several crushes a bunch of great close relationships, many situations where I thought about the babe lots of the time saying "love" seemed natural. But,.. a lass joined my workplace, supra well put together little redhead.

I assumed she must be incredibly self involved and full of herself. The girl wore a variety of outfits but the italian suits were the best. I kinda ignored her cause there was planeload of dudes chasing her about, not simple little chases but hunting rabid junk.

Her discards went wild. Responsible looking dudes made it known in private circles they'd kill any new guys. Some were a little more discrete and would just strategem.. try to make her feel guilty about new dudes.

However at a team building meeting on the green she walked over and introduced herself. Different name than the insulting wone she heard I'd made up to describe her-- and she started hanging in my cubicle. Guys I was supervising warned me,. a bunch,.. but cerelean blue eyes can widen like pools. Maybe the hike up the stairs did something to her blood sugar, but her pupils seemed to just woogle about when she was in my office, rushing her out,. hurried conversations. And she warned before,. that life around her would be a roller coaster. Hard to believe something like that could happen-- cause she was living in a setup condo with european style furniture, while I was scooting to work in a rustjob car, wore clothes donated by the family and just basically lived like a street person.. married with small kids too. She built a girl's night out thing with my wife..

Your brain releases chems- Nerve Growth Factor, Serotonin, Oxytocin. It can mess you up, destroys appetite, lose a lot of weight, - and you end up thinking about the person stupid amounts. Its not that different for the other, they're always looking for what's up with you-- its like having a dog that can't go twenty minutes without checking where you are, getting a little tickle behind the ears, a slap on the bum, scratch of the tummy.

Its nothing like lust because it can go on a long while without much care or atttention to that diversion. One side of chaos can make all the mechanics seem pointless and degrading- or sorta-- I mean - folk snap out of that warp field, but this whole concept that lust is a type of love is truly misguided.

Looking out now though- I see lots that are either looking for something like a comfort food, or some wilding, lots of wilding, car chases and scaring the roommates- while others are searching for lifestyle change or "someone to grow old and die with".. yug-o-munster.

Sometimes wonder if that will ever happen again- good to know it does, cause for so long it just seems like it was just like the moon landings, all faked up in a sound stage in Southern California, just like any other type of furry bate ass'n'tittie by the pool production.

k. this is still too short,.. and I thought size did not matter.
Joined: 2/8/2009
Msg: 17 (view)
Conflicted on What I Want.
Posted: 2/27/2013 9:15:54 PM
I'd like to apologize in advance.

One - for getting in a crazy disagreement early today--bad missunderstanding there,

Two-- for this very long essay. Apparently I've swallowed the potion of "must only make long" posts - hope it wears off soon.

24/25 was an odd year. I to thought things weren't going the right way, stuck outta town with someone bored with me,. j0b no one cared about me, sorta halfway unemployed. Things shook up though. Supra hotties turned up. I hung out in one of the best neighboourshoods in the world, small house-- women hated wearing clothes there. Eventually things turned around.

I started to meet people who had things going on. That sorta caught on, like a cold. Women turned up who knew how to just get what they were looking for,.. and sometimes that was me.

You had a few specific issues though- and I think one was 'how to meet people in real life- at work maybe". First just make it possible more-don't dress sleazy but guys are noticing the new smaller you. They're looking for ways to talk about it with you. Make that happen. Wear clothes that fit- that show off what's going on. Have those curves and something to bring in a conversation, - -a cool blouse, bangles or interesting earrings. Clinton used to do it with things like an indian bracelet. Anythign that starts a conversation.

Be in the spot that introduces you to people. I've known few experts- but a women had some cool tricks on this. In a pub she'd have a great outfit, her hair gleamed. She'd stand at the one spot that people had to slow as they approached the bar. Relaxed. It sorta helped that she looked like a comic book characther- -but others can pull off that trick. Shopping she'd make an effort to allow guys to know her full name by using identifying cards and such. It bridges that little gap with the shy-- guys don't want to appear to make the first move so any way to allow them just that little step helps.

As for being flirtier it more just taking the time and allowing it to shift and work with the guys, or people. Remember anyone can be a contact. Grannie, her 6 year old grandson, Getting to know people in general brings you out and makes you part of a group that's looking to find you a date. A good one- becuase they care about you.

There's excellent info online about how to analyze your own personality, some on how to slowly change, not who you are but work with what you are to make it easier to contact people, or allow them inroads to meet you. Being happy alone is an easy route, but getting involved bit by bit can be addictive, and eventually it seems natural. So many kinda lose there way on that route and eventually end up elsewhere- that they didn't want to be. You're not heading that direction-

okay- this is STill too short a post..

Umhh- okay a short story on this topic. Sometimes going for the gusto works. Years back there's a party at Langara College. girl my age. Half a dozen guys around her, maybe 6 years younger. Me and girl are 30. She's with them but her eyes glimmer a few times. And my ex is with me- introduces me to the girl. We stick around once in a while that evening. And both of us just keep it going. She's in a yellow pantsuit. And we go to an afterparty- her buds. Three guys, me and her.. and we stay.. and its like 3 in the morning.. terrible to share a bed with so many guys and one girl in a yellow pantsuit. Sometimes a connection needs to be acted on- there arent' many out there to grasp.
Joined: 2/8/2009
Msg: 2 (view)
My profile for review
Posted: 2/27/2013 8:49:21 PM
This review may be long. I'm under some type of "don't post short" rule

We're all jealous of the long hair, but at 14 I had to wear it kept.

To start,. build a profile in pieces. Pics, Captions, About me, First date. Fill in the radio boxes straight.

Have 5 or so photos. Most people choose those from a group of 500 or so photos they've collected over a while. That's what people do. they have many photos and select the better. The photo editor helps. Crop, fix colors, add captions that mean something. If there are not enough good pics get more. It takes 2 minutes. Photographs are the cheapest thing out there. If you are not a great photographer find someone who is. Lots are. Its a common skill. The pics make most of the difference in a profile. They start the ball rolling

Captions are an aid. They're more or less the bridge into conversation. Have somethign for all pics. Doesn't have to be funny, just something to explain the photo, provide a sense of "hey I was there" so someone can imagine being part of that.

About me .. well - mostly people should get back over the pics and captions. but about me should support that. Its not a resume. Its things going on. I suggest 3 paragraphs and just 3 lines each.

Fill out the items carefully. Profession of unemployed might be better as whatever you did last or hope to do, and have more fun with that. Lots of the best relationships we'll ever have developed during times of less employement. There's time.

Maybe best to look backwards at how a relationship develops. They've met us.. its sorta worked, before that there were some tentative contacts that built trust and a sense of what happens. At the beginnng there was one positive contact. That occured through a glimmer of shared interest. This site creates just that contact. It comes from shariing a few resonating charactheristics. those can come from the photos, and captions, or about me, first date. some of the interests supporting.

Interests should be not obscure but not common. They're good if they can be searched for, but stuff like "hiding out behind the barn" also works.

About me can be lots of thigns but not self evaluation. I like 3 paragraphs. 3 sides to a person and each sprinkled with details, fragments of what's going on. Look at what you have going on and isolate 3 to 5 things then discuss those. Best to have a variety- maybe inclusive, like a sport, fun-- some type of leisure,.. snorkling,. beaches,. places you like to go, what you do there. Detail helps, real things that were part of each. Keep it fresh, update, be seasonal with photos and about me. Have it like it was drafted today.

If you're in a large city try to pick out specific landmarks and places you've been that others might,. not run of the mill but rare - its another method to build connections.

Contact notes are best short; one or two lines. Look carefully at the profile and try to identify something specific that the person will want to get back about. Link up with things that are topical. If there's a storm and the person is a camper there might be a hook there. Big dump of snow for skiers.. etc. There's usually hidden nuggets that people will contact back about if we can find what they are, particularly if they're linked to something in the real world... you know --- someone into astronomy..- the meteor.
Joined: 2/8/2009
Msg: 2 (view)
is my profile ok
Posted: 2/27/2013 4:35:23 PM
Start with getting different photos. Yours are restricting you. Find something a little more setup. Try to avoid T-shirts. The main photo doesn't need a smile but it shouldn't be gloomy in the dark. No matter what's going on in your life most of the time you're going to be in a neutral mood or better. Get photos that represent positive.

For many of us the photos are the major trial. We're not photographers. To get around that have someone who knows shoot photos yours or get so many that there will be good ones. For plan B get 100. All cameras and most phones can handle that. It takes 5 minutes. Fix in the basic editor, most computers have one. Crop, autocorrect, Add captions.

For a while I had pics I just shot in the basement, slumped around the computer with the laminate wall covering in the background. I was 31 or so. No one contacted. Not for a decade. Simple things like contrast, how bright the flash hits.. all the junk that takes a poor photo into good.. well they matter.

Profession is not unemployed. what did you do last. what are you trying to do.

Maybe just look at a fragment of your profile and see how things can otherwise go, ".I would like to meet someone who is down to earth, caring, truly honest and genuine to have some fun times with and see where it goes.".. Everyone is looking for that - this describes all women. It does not contribute to understanding how you wish to relate to your date.

To me the best plan is photos catching interest, captions leading to contacts, about me leading to conversations. So the photos should express several bits of our lives. The captions lead into short conversations. The about me fleshes this out with bits that can be maintained.

About me is best with 3 paragraphs. No more than 3 lines each. Each with a separate topic. Discuss things that are going on. Only. Pic three things you do. In each only touch on what's going on- how its going, where you are with them.. I don't know but lets say one is selling an old car- what type, who is looking, what have you done to promote it. what sort of troubles (para 1) . Build 2 more..

Interests are best as about 15. Have zero restrictions. Contact people with short notes. 1 line or 2. No compliments. No questions.

I'm under something of a minor restriction to not post short notes so I'll add a little bit..

If you're into F1 maybe say whether you've hit a few races. Discuss the drivers. Mention things that are going on in the paddocks. What type of setup do you favor for the cars. Are there specific races that you feel mean more. Which drivers are making things work. Which builders.

Within your about me you've duplicated your interests as a simple list. Instead of that - say things. Elaborate. Provide substance to each of these. The objective is to create something that is fresh- it represents what you're about right now. There's a glow of "this guy was here seconds ago" . Some people refer to that as a presence,. but its a bit like an open shop with fresh produce. There's a fineness and a type of a glimmer that people are attracted to. It makes profiles work.
Joined: 2/8/2009
Msg: 2 (view)
Recently Upgraded About Me
Posted: 2/27/2013 3:38:24 PM
This may be an essay. I may be under a restriction that requires I post a few more words.. uggh

okay.. profiles seem to work best as a fresh expression. They're a presence that's represented in photos, info, a few captions and some phrases we've crafted. I suggest a structure. The photos should hit close, medium and full. They need captions. Those may relate to the about me- but the captions and photos should work on their own. 90% of decisions will be made before reading about me. Choices in the radio boxes seem to matter. I think dating, a regular profession that's clear -- stick to the main ground.

As for crafting a profile. Begin by collecting info about yourself and photos. Get 100s of photos. Lots of light, several situations, wear clothes that fit, be outdoors, have inclusive things going on- pulling the garbage from the neighbours dog, finding a parking ticket, moving a friends oak cabinets, sitting on a roof. Do not be bland. Don't sit behind something. Do not hide. Do not have the same photo several ways.

Those were generic comments. Specifically.. okay- you're going to guess and the women will likely say.. purple should go. It is not an athletic sock colour. Shorts in purple are awkward for dancing. A tent as a top does not -- I don't know- I have one. Get setup. Have things that fit. Be full frame. If you're not comfortable with being photographed get someone who knows to take your pic. One photo is all it takes, but supporting pics help. Captions are key. they bridge into conversations. We're only looking to establish that one key contact.

About me.. This is the trial as you've truly messed yours up. My router is mizzxed at the moment so I can't go back to check but to start lets's look at the structure of a good about me.

It should hit key points early. People who may be compatibles are looking through it for something that glimmers. In that regard we'd like to trick them. There is a trick that helps. Folk are not that different from us. We have compatibles with most but they don't know. If you've 5 things you're involve with and 4 key bits about each that's 20 subcategories of interest you can share. If someone see 3 or 4 of those that resonate they're tricked into feeling there is a connection. In reality of course everyone has those bits with us and all could have a connection- but we don't generally interview the bum asking us for change at the bus stop to find those exist. Here we'd like to show those so the babes feel -- "erhh. sure-- he likes tomotaes on his crisy creme - mee too".

The About me is the place to build these connections. I'd like to refer to them as facets of the aspects of our avatar. Partly I'm dealing with this in detail because.. -- for some reason I'm under a guise to post longer .. and partly because it works.

So toss your about me- you've some negatives in it. Imagine-neer your life. What are the 5 things you're key about. take those and look for 3 you like. Put together one paragraph for each of those 3. Hit facets in those. I'd skip the dancing. lets skay its.. ummh.. barrel clowning at rodeos, planting sage in the backyard, dealing with the nephews. 3 short paragraphs on each. Lets' say the rodeo thing: the prep- exercise, some pics associated, travel - where you go..

On a related bit,. contact notes are a request to view a profile. Keep them short, no question, less than 2 full lines. An observation. No compliment. Specific to profile.
Joined: 2/8/2009
Msg: 2 (view)
Looking for girls opinions
Posted: 2/27/2013 2:49:58 PM
This may be an essay. I'm under a restriction on my posting priveledges that won't allow me to post short.

Photos aren't kicking. You're close in two, way too far in the 3rd. The pics aren't setup. Your shirt is too large in one. The photos are a little over-exposed, its not great focus. Cameras really work now. If you're outside in good light and shot from a reasonable distance most photos will work.

Try to get many photos. 200 is good. A normal flash card will hold that, most phones. From that look for a dozen to work with and 4 to post. Fix them in the editor, crop, autocorrect colors. Try for close, medium and full frame. nothing that's not you as the subject, 25 to 65% of the frame. Add captions. They create contact hooks. like a little story to join.

About me should support the photos and captions. They should dovetail with the profession and other things. You're not a student, .say Adherence Specialist for a bank as a profession. Say what's up with Karate, not that you're in lessons. no bucket list- that's for 80yrolds. .. no one cares where you were born. The IT junk might be hinted at but maybe not. Focus on things that may bring in contacts. as in..-- someone might wish to talk about it. Professions, particularly dull professions like IT, have to be worked in with care.

I'm suggesting one type of profile. its more or less focused on building facets around aspects of an avatar that's fresh and clear. We're here representing who we are as a complete presence. That should be fresh, like baked bread. It should smell fresh. Everything should look like its from today. Our true persona may be a bit different but we're representing an avatar here. Its not acting but best just to build a clear presence. For our presence we'd like to flesh out the different aspects. Each of these have a multitude of facets. If I'm a chess player (aspect) I'd like to show how that reflects in my life in several ways (facets). similar with riding horses, growing grapes, fishing, boating.

These should shine in my interests. Those should be in the range of 15 or more. not rare but not dull either.

ItsHansel and Gretle. We're leaving bread crumbs, dont' know who or what is followign, best to leave a variety. I suggest 3 paragraphs. 3 lines each. Notes to people should be short and sweet. No questions. Re-read- careful posting. It can go wrong on the get-go.

Hmm. I still can't post. Its "too short a message" ..

Really try on the photos. So few do the work. They imagine, "this is me" - but it isn't - photos should represent at least as much of a picture as those who were on a bus with us this morning also saw. The photos that you see as ads for other dating sites hint at what works. They're bright eyed looking at the camera. It looks like a casual photo but someone, took 100's of photos, then selected the best from 100's of sources. We can put that 1 in 10,000 photo up ourselves. Its not necessary to be great looking, average works, but just the best of average.

First Dates help as well: This should be the last piece of a profile because the restrictions should not exist. First date is more or less a dreamland but is best specific but not a date. I used to think it should be 5th date but its likely best as what you'd like to be doing six months into a relatioship on a quiet evening.
Joined: 2/8/2009
Msg: 4 (view)
Guys: about past relationships
Posted: 2/24/2013 6:51:31 PM
You don't ever have to ask about people's past relationships. Most don't like to tell. They're not hiding anything. You've asked once already. He said no.

Relationships in the past don't have to be failure. Things changed, people moved on, but things don't often follow similar paths and most don't rehash.
Joined: 2/8/2009
Msg: 2 (view)
Profile review?
Posted: 2/24/2013 4:10:19 PM
Your profile is spare but there's some good sides. You're working towards law enforcement, that establishes good things- even for women against the police.

I push one type of profile and only comment on older posts with few comments. You're getting casserole, but its better than starving.

Pics, not formal, not poor contrast indoors. This line I've said many times: get lots of photos, crop, fix colors, get so many you can find a few that are good, cameras are everywhere and just about free, there's no reason not to get 100 photos in order to find the 4 or 5 that are okay. Profile photos make all the difference. They start and stop things here. If you're not going to make the attempt to get better photos forget it.

Good photos are usually outdoors, include others but you as the subject - as in you're talking or interacting but the photo crops to just capture you. The classic shots are head and shoulders, 2 pics, mid- that's to the hips and at least one full frame, but not wide, crop close on the wide. Never hide, wear clothes that fit, are clean and setup well, or dirty if they're supposed to be. Have some fun but show a few sides. Be recent - the end product should be fresh, like the bread in a bakery this morning.

About me starts all with I. An alternative is to look for three things that you're involved in, none of them explanations, all as anecdotes, what you're doing. So let's say they're umh.. helping with security at an equestrian event, learning to swim for some cop-exam, dealing with getting a license to drive a limo. Link together 3 paragraphs into a whole. Don't use "I" to start sentences. If you look above you'll notice I've only started one sentence with 'I'. Talking about things can include you as the subject without that.

Do the interests: get 15- make them rare but not unknown. Do the first date. Fill in the selection boxes with more info. Do both of the tests.

Captions are a true magic. They're like freebie cheap conversations. A photograph with a good caption is a contact. That's all this place sells. The objective is to create some shiney bits in a fresh profile to build a few glimmers of possible contact with a compatible. Then build contact through a few short notes. Keep it short, no questions. One observation - expand when you get contacts back a few times.
Joined: 2/8/2009
Msg: 31 (view)
Why do you not answer?
Posted: 2/24/2013 12:47:40 PM
MFL, you're seeing this backwards. Having the choice to just ignore and delete helps the site, and through that us looking for women. It provides data that the site can use to give us better choices. The women have control of their inbox, that keeps them around. Guys wheedle around and eventually find how to make things happen.

You're thinking that changing the way this is working will help you date, but its the opposite- there are plenty of resources to help gain better contacts. There are none that meaningfully encourage women who have no interest in us to fake it for a while.

Maybe an example,. occasionally in profile review or other areas women contact me to ask about things. They're from far away, sometimes young, mostly my age. However because I occasionally have chit-chats with women who are younger, and they were first contact, it can mess up my search routine. Now,. I like that- its sorta cool, but if the site started focusing my contacts towards very young women that would probably be unsupportable. It wants to build contacts... so a bunch of chit-chat that is completely outside of the dating world might lead me to impossible results.

Frankly I favor some type of limited contact no, that sorta dilutes the contact parameters of people that aren't in planA on our radar. If they're actually in the Abyss (the is from the ladder theory of dating) the site should not treat them equally to real prospects. But that doesn't exist and the basics of the site do work well as is-- you can uncover why your notes aren't being responded to,- just look online and learn, there's no reason for women to send polite little notes that will only, bit by bit- push them out of here and won't explain anything to the ansy dudes.

Its helpful to look at the demographics. If there are 2500 girls and 2000 guys, and 1700 are in couples the ratio is 800 to 300 women to men. If all 300 of these women went on sites like this, but 100 were hotties they'll get notes from all 1700 guys, probably several times. Let's say the 100 have to send pithy and non-duplicate, "thanks but no" to the 1700 guys they had in their inbox that year. They logon every 3 days to look through.. Its a lot of work- and they're gone, cause 400 guys had nasty messages back.

This happens,- the specific babe I know about that deals with this might have been encouraging it with a wild profile and the plastic sheep thing on chatroulette- but it sends women off the site to have to respond, or put up with too much crap.
Joined: 2/8/2009
Msg: 8 (view)
17 year olds on POF?
Posted: 2/24/2013 12:24:51 PM
This is weird. The above poster has a search for the actual recorded age of the person in the profile. That person was able to create a profile by selecting an age of 17.

I'm not completely keen on 17 year olds this moment, have to shoo enough of them out of the house as is,.. but maybe Jeffie is right.
Joined: 2/8/2009
Msg: 27 (view)
Why do you not answer?
Posted: 2/24/2013 12:16:16 PM
OP, lots of guys are spamming the site, they're doing quick searches of hundreds of profiles for just a few words or a phrase they can get back about then sending 100's of notes, week after week. Each one of those notes ends up in someone's inbox, mostly of the supra-hotties.

The supra-hotties are here to date. That's their goal. They're not here to tender and plow through thousands of notes dealing with all the intricate fundamentals and obsessions of people who they're not at the moment interested in. They're not up to replying back nice, "ummh,.. sorry- but you're the 531st person I've had to say no to today, the specific reason that you fail is that your nosehairs are grossing me out in pic three". That just encourage more contacts back.

The site encourages existing contacts. We can see the person online, we can gawk at their chat status, start to map how often they visit the site and when.,.. if we're devilish we can get friends or 2nd profiles to try different tactics on them. Many of the women are dealing with this to a upchuck-on-chuck degree. It drives them from the site.

Strangely the site is here to provide dating options, not specifically to make people feel good about sending notes to people. It is not polite to answer back when the large body of evidence, insofar as their inbox is bristling with the thorney horndogs of hundreds of dudes.. might suggest they're getting spammed.

If polite No worked they'd be doing it. If that came with a "sorry- no way-- and you can't contact back for 3 days" women might try it,.. but it doesn't- the opposite happens, they get a bright light 5 minutes later from 80% of the 'no' dudes.
Joined: 2/8/2009
Msg: 2 (view)
Please review my profile
Posted: 2/24/2013 11:27:17 AM
I've this new theory. Profiles should be like a bright shop that sells fresh goods. The windows should be open, goods arrayed clearly, simple signs, easy to understand what's for sale, everything has a bright look like it was just made today.

Photos are best seasonal, close, medium and full, good contrast, sharp focus. Use the editor, crop, get a full frame but not a long shot. Don't have any of the dog by himself, make sure you're the subject.

Your photos aren't a strong attempt. They're more or less accidents you've collected. Get more so that you can pick the good ones from a large bunch, like 130 photos. That can take less than 5 minutes. No t-shirts, nothing weird or oddball distracting background. Whatever you are wearing in that purple camo situation shouldn't be.

There's a lot of nonsense with junk like, "We don't have go to Tennessee or the Mason Dixon line." Its not funny or informative and has no relationship to anything you're doing. These are random things you've collected and put into your profile, like sticks from the woods.

There are many about me formats. I think the facets of an aspect work best. Imagine you're an avatar- a representation of a specific personality. That avatar has aspects- the sporty side- things you do, where that is, what it goes with, how travel works with it. (one para). 2nd aspect how you have fun (maybe a work/hobbie link - drywalling the garage, painting it), 3rd aspect places in the city you enjoy. Each of these are developed with facets, a short sentence or or portion that illuminates that glimmer of what's going on. These piece together to create a fresh presence. People who see a few of those that work with their own sense of what's going may contact.

Photos have to kick a bit, add captions to crate the beginnings of conversations. The whole point is to create one somewhat positive contact with the person.

Contacting people. short- one point, no compliments, no questions.
Joined: 2/8/2009
Msg: 18 (view)
So when should I ask about a second date?
Posted: 2/24/2013 10:44:00 AM
Time is a challenge. She is busy. That can be truly not enough time or it can odd organization and difficulty with priorities. It amounts to the same thing.

A ukelele is a challenge, even with a tuner, electronic mic and reverb. Since the accident I've sworn off anything like the 21 gun salute. Generally big things aren't good early on. They're overfocused. It makes people feel like there's too much invested before they're onboard, too easy to loose them off the side of the boat when the waves come.

I'd probably just try to keep in touch and see if time and some type of shared possibility shows up. Planning something for her might not fly. Passivity isn't wise but commitment to finding a time together isn't opportunistic- its building.
Joined: 2/8/2009
Msg: 5 (view)
An alteration to who can message?
Posted: 2/24/2013 8:37:46 AM
You'd like to contact the women who said yes in Meet Me but you hit her restrictions.

When she pops up as a possible from your Meet Me say yes, then you'll be in her mutual Meet Me. That isn't the strongest wish, its could more accurately be, 'I was weak, though it would be nice to see you nearby at the beach'

I don't think there should be ways to break past restrictions. The methods guys use, like multiple profiles and just experiments with where they use IE requests and what they list as their age or intent-- that's sad, its a type of phishing, spam or just uglish-- of course that could describe how the most positive wonderful relationships start too.

Still breaking restrictions destroys women's trust in the site. They feel like they're being harassed, stalked, persued throughout the site by dudes in multiple try profiles. The ones with fiery temperments get themselves banned because they simply can't deal with the shirtless whacko papparazzi-style persuit. Some get banned every few weeks after making a profile, even though they're simply trying to date- bitter twistoramas gang up and create sock puppet accounts to toast them with..

So no,. its not a good idea to break past restrictions. Try to see how amazing it is that you can contact, can show interest in a few ways. Make your message work. The site is very functional once you start to understand how it functions.
Joined: 2/8/2009
Msg: 17 (view)
Change your Personality???
Posted: 2/23/2013 11:00:36 PM
If your not very forward or out going just shy and quiet.

My roommate was shy, an anglo from a french town. The family of 10 kids were all shy. He built confidence, eventually knew he could steal the girlfriend from the quarterback of our university football team.

Sorry Blake, we all know things were moving fine.. You got burned man.

Shyness and not very forward can be trained out. The polymath is right about joining the toasters. There are methods to bridge past awkwardness. Join sports- they teach social skills because teams are based on social reading. Make an effort to know people you meet, not the hotties but everyone. Know what your dry-cleaner does for holidays.

Specific methods to get past shyness.. Get rid of things that hold back. Have clothes that setout, purge junk from your world, operate in an environment where you're moving between things that are always a bit under control. Its a hassle to have to explain 'erh--- yeah, this room' or 'ummh-- didn't get a chance to change after'. Those destroy confidence.

There are good online resources on this type of thing. Read up, Make those changes, and they will change you back.

While its not related, .get a dry-cleaner, and all those other professionals in your life. Doc, regular garage, place you can find clothes that work, people who care about how you're setting yourself up. It builds that sense of sustained.
Joined: 2/8/2009
Msg: 3 (view)
Please Review.
Posted: 2/23/2013 10:10:46 PM
Pics are too much like Marilyn Manson's mixed up brother. Get some wearing something decent, full frame. If you're going to say 'athletic' show, don't tell - not weird bathroom photos but full frame. Help someone move, do the laundry, catch a frisbee, take out trash- get photos. Get lots. We are not natural photographers, happy accidents happen but they're one photo in 20. You need at least 4.

About me has" Hey well a little about me I'm outgoing ,openminded always want to try new things i love Traveling I've been in Japan ,Israel and Moldova so far and i would love to go to other places"

There are no contact points in that. Its self evaluation then a string of places with no connection. Say what happened. Talk about things you're doing, enjoying. I sorta suggest 3 paras, 2 to 3 lines each. Demo the aspects of your personality by revealing facets, polish those up, add details to them. If there's enough of a glimmer of connection women will get back.

No restrictions are always best. Use captions- they're magnets.

People rarely act to improve their profiles, and I think they look at the reviewers and see,. 'hey they didn't do it',. but if we were looking we would. Its easy.
Joined: 2/8/2009
Msg: 7 (view)
My cat
Posted: 2/23/2013 9:06:21 PM
My cat lived to be about 22. She was a stray, just wandered in and stayed, very active into her late teens. Trained the dog at about 16. At 21 she started getting fits that left her howling, very weird, but she'd recover. Twice I was told she passed on, then see her running around the next morning. Small tuxedo cats can be spry.

May you be well Mary. We got it with the birds and the mice. The great white thing would never have been as fine as he was without you. Thanks.

Thank you all you good little beasts.
Joined: 2/8/2009
Msg: 4 (view)
17 year olds on POF?
Posted: 2/23/2013 7:54:24 PM
Check, check, check.. can you hear this out there? Check,. This is reality.

There are no validations of age. Guys and girls as young as 12 or 13 are creating profiles. I have not seen any. The site surely keeps an eye out for them and eliminates them when they're found. I don't know anyone who did this, but I lifeguarded for many years on eastend beaches. Youngsters do not believe in being constrained.
Joined: 2/8/2009
Msg: 14 (view)
He had 5 kids
Posted: 2/23/2013 6:39:38 PM
Kids, hide-- and if anyone asks you,. .. yeah you,.. the big suckar,. Whatever your name is-- I'm your uncle Jake,. Yup Jake. And you're working your way through university.. I know you're only 14.. never heard of a child prodigy-- well you are one in umhh Climatology, start writing down your thesis, now,.. I SAID now-- now the rest of you hide, except Molly, you're my unmhh, aunt,. sure yeah adults can have nine year old aunts,. and they're damn good cooks too, but don't get**** about it, you can cook Molly, just get your brother to call with directions from the basement,. you kids better not screw this up for me or we'll be calling that French chick back.
Joined: 2/8/2009
Msg: 8 (view)
A girl I've been ON/OFF with for 2 years... (advice?)
Posted: 2/23/2013 6:14:43 PM
Bemidji is good for her. They used to have a great swim team. Your skin will clear up. You seem to be doing okay with jobs gradually getting better. Don't fret. She may not make it back but things usually work out.
Joined: 2/8/2009
Msg: 3 (view)
Profile Review
Posted: 2/23/2013 5:51:37 PM
You need better photos. The profile shot is crisp but its dull, a bit off angle and a t-shirt. Don't be setup but find collars, something that fits, get a bunch and pick some that are good.. like from 100 photos. They are free, free, free - it takes no time. Why not?

No restrictions. They don't help guys and do interfer- they're a bad message,. like leaving evidence of past accidents on your car by not painting the panels.

About me starts off kinda dull, don't name yourself. Sarcasm is not humor and intelligent conversations are not something that pops out of dull sentences.

THi, I'm Bryan. I like running, sports... especially hockey... movies, video games, intelligent conversation and cooking. I tend to have a sarcastic sense of humor.

The best profiles build from fresh photos, have good clear captions that link to something fun. There's a liveliness, like it was today that the person spoke. Sometimes a bit of humor but not needed. Straight message, Points out fun things going on in a natural way- sorta like having a candyjar appear.
Joined: 2/8/2009
Msg: 10 (view)
To co-habitate or not?
Posted: 2/23/2013 5:44:47 PM
I'd probably go for making a new home for the group. Choosing who's place is difficult. The best of this I've seen is guy sells home, moves in with girl, build up a cushion of cash, buy new home together.

You two are sorta in the spotlight- people may be jealous about that and will be spoilers, so there's not going to be any financial savings, some drama has to evolve out if it. The kids will battle a bit-- but hey,.. I sorta figgure, if the kids aren't fighting once in a while, there's a sense of almost stunning laziness, so I cut out the internet once in awhile.
Joined: 2/8/2009
Msg: 4 (view)
Can you block someone from calling you on your cell phone?
Posted: 2/23/2013 5:29:04 PM
My phone has an 'add to reject list', which I've never used.

But even when I was getting persistent phone calls, and calls to hassle people in my life, and it went on and on all hours, days, weeks,-- I'd have had to think about it before I blocked a call.

Its slow in the winter. Not a lot of entertainment. Its that long slog between vacations. If you want a bunch of Canadians to join a war somewhere wait until February, start a Hockey strike, show some pics of women wearing non-anorak type garments, make sure there's some casual shots of fresh fruit and the country sells beer- no more invasions of dry countries- -- just saying. I guess its not exactly related to the post.

Phones can teach the kids to dance, play guitar and run the revolution in Belarus. Seems likely most also have "block number".
Joined: 2/8/2009
Msg: 12 (view)
Casual sex and FWB
Posted: 2/23/2013 2:45:56 PM
Most girls seem to be looking to just get happy. Its pleasant to imagine they'd like to hear about my plans to build intergalactic spaceships and invade Andromeda-- but its not obvious that they're maybe just a little smiling and waiting for that convo to end. They're not always looking to chit-chat and imagine a world of that.

I hate to be the bear of bad news,.. but they're sometimes just after some butt. How shallow of them.
Joined: 2/8/2009
Msg: 17 (view)
Rate and filter..
Posted: 2/23/2013 2:08:44 PM
it makes money by encouraging you to click as many options as possible.

I disagree. The site wants us to find dates, as soon as possible. Flow through and success make this place a success. Its big enough that there's no shortage of new folk to click. They're trying to provide the best options. It makes no sense to provide hits on the truly impossible. They're not trying to waste out time- because they want us to be successful. Its a much better business plan.
But this is not an easy thing to setup. We, the group of us, are difficult to read- that's what makes us people. The site doesn't know if two 30 year olds will make it work. It can't trust our selection boxes. They know that the most oddball type of connections often build real relationships, or short term or something at least.

On the auto filter plan. As the lasses mention we had a photo rating system. If you rated people high they'd show up in searches. My pics were uniformly in the 2-3 range. With your plan I'd be invisible to all the 8's and 9's,.. that makes utter sense cause I'm getting damn sick of those chickoletras. Give me back the ex that looked like Popeye's little sis... yeah.. a 3 for my 3 makes 6. That's enough for anyone.
Show ALL Forums