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 Author Thread: Has anyone had a good relationship with someone on POF?
 melissa0607
Joined: 2/12/2009
Msg: 179 (view)
 
Has anyone had a good relationship with someone on POF?
Posted: 11/20/2014 12:37:33 PM
I have been meaning to pop on here and give an update on my situation for quite some time. This thread seems like the perfect opportunity.

I an engaged to someone that I met on POF. Christmas will be a year that we have been engaged. We have had ups and downs but I wouldn't trade him for the world. It is probably the best relationship I have ever been in. The funny thing is that when we first started emailing, I decided that I wasn't into it, I blew him off for about a week and then thought about it and got back in touch with him. Then he backed off. Then we finally talked a bunch on the phone and he was scared to meet me. I was the first (and as it turns out, the last) person that he met online. Then when it was really time to meet he sent me an email saying that we should just be friends and that he wasn't ready for a relationship. We talked a few days later and went back to talking everyday. Finally met a month after we started talking on the phone and have been pretty much inseparable since.

It blows my mind that after all the times one of us almost called it quits that he's the one I am going to marry. Makes for a cute story though. :)

Best advice, keep an open mind. You never know what's going to be until it is. Happy fishing to all of you.
 melissa0607
Joined: 2/12/2009
Msg: 59 (view)
 
gracious response to a 'no' on the second date invitation
Posted: 11/7/2013 2:15:17 PM
You know, it always seems to be the women saying that they will not accept a last minute date. If a man wants to see you, wants to take you out, spend his hard earned money on you and do something fun, I do not see how you can take that in any negative way. It is playing games and nothing else. You are trying to train them to do it how you think it should be done and that is unfair. Go out, see if there is still something there and then if it happens more than you would like, talk to him, communicate that to him instead of playing games and expecting him to read your mind. Men are much more simple creatures than we are and they are not reading into everything like you seem to be.

Now I have two situations where I did refuse last minute dates. One was a very good looking guy who made it very apparent that I was his "option" and not someone that he was pursuing seriously. I told him straight out that I did not wish to be treated that way and what I was looking for. He did keep trying but in the same way. Eventually I just ignored his texts as he ignored my wishes. I am pretty sure that his looks have gotten him by in these situations but I am not that shallow.

The second was supposed to be a first meet. I do think first meets need to be more planned, first impressions are everything. He constantly was asking late in the day/early evening to come out and meet him and at a place where he hangs out all the time. I told him I needed more notice for a few reasons. I needed time to get ready, time to drive there which is 45 minutes and also that I would like to meet on more neutral ground. We then had plans for a date that he cancelled and did not do much to make it happen after. We tried one more time, he went back to what he was doing in the first place that I asked him not to. Again, complete disrespect for my wished so I said goodbye.

Being disrespectful, especially after I made it clear to you is just downright rude and selfish and not someone I would want to date.

I have since met someone that gets it. The communication is awesome and I am keeping my fingers crossed. :)
 melissa0607
Joined: 2/12/2009
Msg: 38 (view)
 
People With No Conversation Skills
Posted: 7/10/2013 7:28:49 AM
I need to revive this thread as I am having this same issue sometimes, more specifically right now.

A guy email me first, I respond and try to get a conversation going. He is answering what I ask him, but in little 3-5 word answers, so I blatantly said "I'd love to talk more but I don't want to grill you with questions to keep the conversation going. You let me know if you're interested in chatting some more." I get a response saying "of course" I tried a little more and then got to the point where I said this, "Ok. So get some conversation going! Ask me stuff. Tell me stuff. " So he asked me if I have any war stories from here, he is new to the site. I answered him and then asked him what he likes to do. Back to the 5 word answers, he likes to fish, and did not ask me in return. LOL, well at least he has one interest. I give up. I don't think it's lack of interest in chatting but more that he's not good at it either online or at all. I might offer a phone conversation because the curiosity is killing me. Some people are just not good conversationalists, some are just not good at talking in text whether it be through texting or email. I suppose we should give people the benefit of the doubt and at least have a "speaking" conversation with them before judging.
 melissa0607
Joined: 2/12/2009
Msg: 164 (view)
 
FWB and new BF
Posted: 5/29/2013 9:15:13 AM
If you are truly just FWB with someone then cutting it off and concentrating in the person you are dating should not be an issue. This particular case where the OP is SO close with this guy is probably rare. Anyone I know that has had a FWB it is probably more of an acquaintance than an actual friend. But, I still maintain that whether you have slept with them, intend to sleep with them, whatever, it is no ones business but your own. As long as you are not sleeping with that person while you are dating someone else you do not owe the person you are dating any explanation of who you slept with before them or who you intend to sleep with after them. All telling someone does is cause paranoia and tension and possibly for no good reason. Telling the person or not telling them will not stop you from doing whatever you are going to do, it won't make any difference. If they had never slept together and she was hanging out with him or staying over when she was drunk, would it really make a difference? Even without a history of them sleeping together they could still end up having sex or not having sex. It all comes down to trust in the person you are seeing. Period.

Your only responsibility in a relationship is to be faithful and up front about your current condition. I am friends with someone I slept with a few times years ago, I hardly ever think about the fact that it happened and he is just a friend, nothing more and it would never happen again. We used to sometimes even hang out as a foursome him and a date and me and a date. No reason either of our dates needs to know what happened years ago. All it would do is upset them for no reason.
 melissa0607
Joined: 2/12/2009
Msg: 154 (view)
 
FWB and new BF
Posted: 5/26/2013 12:55:30 PM

I disagree. It is the new BF's business. She's not telling stories of her sexual adventures of the past. She was wanting to hang out with her EX, 1-on-1, to hang out at his house too and possibly pass out there, etc. A gf/bf should know what's going on in that regard.

I think you would want to know if a new BF of yours was going to have a little getaway with his female "friend" who he's dated/FWB with, and porks when they're both single... and if/when you break up, he'll pork her again, etc. It'd be naive and foolish to be cool with that. I think it's selfish of that person with the ex of any sorts to think of themselves only "But they're a good friend of mine! I'm not going to change my ways with them and let a SO tell me what to do!" Uhhh, yeah, a SO should tell you what you should do in regards to monogamy, respect, and fidelity when lines are crossed or aimed to be crossed. That "other" person being close to them before you've gone out is a poor excuse that some folks seem to hold on to, unfortunately.


I still do not think it is my business to know, I would not want to know and do not feel I need to tell anyone anything that personal. I also don't believe you should be FWB with someone that you are best friends or as close with as the OP was. She should definitely not have been sleeping over there while in a relationship with someone else. Unless there was drinking involved and being safe were an issue.

I had a FWB for quite a few years but when one of us was dating someone we didn't even really speak at all. I would see him out and what not but we didn't make plans or hang out in between. It is your job as the BF/GF to cut off the FWB while in a relationship which she wasn't willing to do in the beginning. That is just being respectful to the the person that you are in a relationship with. As long as you are truthful and do not cheat on your SO then it is none of their business who you slept with or when, before or after your relationship with them. It is only their business what you do while you are involved with them and it is your job to be faithful and not to give them reason to worry about your faithfulness to them during that time. If you cannot trust the person you are with then you should not be with them in the first place.
 melissa0607
Joined: 2/12/2009
Msg: 152 (view)
 
FWB and new BF
Posted: 5/26/2013 11:27:57 AM
The thing that blows my mind the most about this whole thread is that anyone tells anyone about their FWB situations. That is your personal business and does not need to be shared. I do not want to hear about any guy I am dating's past sex relationships nor do I think he needs to know about mine, period. There is no way to hear things like that about someone you like and not be bothered. I also think it's a bit funny that people think it is rude to ask about income or how much a house costs but do not think it is an invasion of privacy to need to know things such as this. Make no mistake, you will be judged by 98% of people regarding a situation such as FWB. Just keep some private things private. Geez....
 melissa0607
Joined: 2/12/2009
Msg: 14 (view)
 
Ready to marry after 4 months???
Posted: 5/22/2013 11:47:50 AM
The couples I know that got married the fastest are still together and the ones I know that waited a long time to do it got divorced, sometimes the fastest of any.

It depends on some things and your view on marriage. Look at it this way, people who know each other for years and then get married often end up in divorce anyhow. Time will not guarantee you anything. I personally know 3 couples that got married quickly after meeting and are still together years later. Sometimes, if you wait too long and analyze everything, you do it for the wrong reasons, because it is the next "step". If you go with your gut and are a go with the flow person and can handle the ups and downs you have a better chance of success no matter what.
 melissa0607
Joined: 2/12/2009
Msg: 89 (view)
 
Getting in a car with a guy from on this site
Posted: 5/22/2013 11:18:24 AM
I can see both sides of this. The people who think she was wrong and the people who think it was not a big deal.

First of all, he was a little aggressive, the touchy/feely stuff, I get that, but that does not make him a rapist, it makes him a touchy feely guy. 2nd, if he wanted to take her somewhere other than coffee, if that was his intent, he would have. He did take her to a coffee shop as he had stated. She jumped out and ran when they got there, seems like a bit of an over-reaction to me. He may have bad judgement doing that, he may be a control freak or whatever but that does not mean she was not safe. Nor do we know exactly how this took place. She may have felt some fear BECAUSE of all the things people warn you about on here. She obviously felt safe in her gut up until that moment, safe enough to take a ride from him.

How many meets are you supposed to go on before you let the guy pick you up or drive you home? I mean really? You could know someone for a year and never really know them. That's probably more likely. They want you to get comfortable with them first. Some people get murdered by people they have known for 20 years. There are a million scenarios you could make up in your head and then you could just live like a hermit.

There is no way to be 100% safe nor can you live in absolute fear. Learn to trust your gut. My family used to not want me to go out in Boston at night because I was in the city and not safe and there are crazies in the city at night. Well, that's where all the fun clubs and bars were and guess what, I went, and I lived to talk about it. You are more likely to die in a car crash than an airplane but people are still more afraid of flying than driving. We could do this all day long, more than likely it will not change the outcome. Be safe but do not be hypersensitive or over-react and not live.
 Melissa0607
Joined: 2/12/2009
Msg: 25 (view)
 
Not Noticing the Obvious...
Posted: 4/13/2013 6:34:00 AM
Dreamfire.... That was very well said. I agree with what you have written. I have said this before and will say it again. In today's world everything and everyone are fast and disposable. Pursuing would now be called stalking. Working though issues together would be called desperate or hanging on. God forbid you go knock on someone's door to surprise them for or with something, it would be called psycho. Everyone has a fantasy in their mind of what they think they want and/or deserve and if you don't fit into that mold, you're history. Communication has become obsolete.

I say that in an all of nothing tone which of course is not true but I would say a good percentage of people have become like this. Relationships do take work and no one will be happy 100% of the time. If we can accept reality and do the work it takes we would all be much better off. Of course there is a line between being accepting and working at something and being abused or treated poorly and we need to be mindful of that too.

I think the problem with communication or lack of it... men hate confrontation so they avoid it like the plague. Women, well we love to talk and chat but we don't want to hurt anyones feelings either. In reality it's difficult to reject someone as much as it is to be rejected. At least for me it is. It would be nice to always have answers and I am one of those analytical thinkers who always wants answers and looks at everything like a puzzle to be solved. Some people can move without any answers or a second thought. I am often jealous of them. This is part of what makes the world go 'round, being different from one another. If we can find someone who we have things in common with, are attracted to and have similar goals and morals, then most of the other stuff can be worked out.
 melissa0607
Joined: 2/12/2009
Msg: 34 (view)
 
At a loss, guy from gym, advice needed
Posted: 3/31/2013 8:10:49 PM
Thanks girls. I am pretty surprised myself. I had a really good feeling about this, except for a few sketchy things with facebook which had my radar up. I know guys can get freaked about things like that, talking about future plans and stuff but I wasn't even thinking about it like that until he told me. I don't think it's that big a deal but he might or could be using it as an excuse. You would think I asked him to marry me. WTH. I'll be curious to see how it goes from here. At the moment I am more upset about my earring. lol
 melissa0607
Joined: 2/12/2009
Msg: 40 (view)
 
First Date Planning
Posted: 3/31/2013 8:06:38 PM
I am with the crowd that thinks he was suggesting that as an easy place to find and to meet and then go somewhere from there. It is always an easy place to see, the golden arches are a landmark.

As far as asking you to pick a place, what's the problem? Just because he travels there for work does not mean that he would know places lie someone that lives there. Maybe he wants you to enjoy the place you go to. Picking somewhere without any real knowledge of whether it is good or not is a crap-shoot. You may not go out much but you must have friends, family, neighbors, know someone who does go out.

Meet him, pick a place you like to go and feel comfortable and see how it goes. You don;t have to go out with him again if you don;t like him but I would give him the benefit of the doubt on these issues.
 melissa0607
Joined: 2/12/2009
Msg: 5 (view)
 
Is finding/having a partner really that important to you?
Posted: 3/31/2013 7:20:05 PM
I agree with what you are saying. People do expect to find the "perfect" person, knight/princess and are determined not to settle. Someone once told me we all settle to some degree, I forget the exact expression they used. I believe I heard or read something Dr Phil said about making a list and if you get 80% of that you are doing good. People have become very picky, demanding and entitled today. They can take any little thing that they don't like and make it into a "red flag"

You do have to have enough similarities to enjoy life together but don't have to be carbon copies of each other. I think what you are saying about the past and not having many similarities. Those were simpler times. people didn't have as many choices of things to do either. They spent time with family, around the home, barbecue with friends/neighbors, doing things outside, etc. Dinner and a movie or dancing was a date, a weekly thing even, now if you read here in the forums, that's boring, no one wants to do that. Whole different ballgame today. More to do and people seem to always have to be doing something. Simple is now boring.

I have always maintained that communication and compromise are key or we're all going to end up alone forever. there's that good balance of compromising but not being a door mat which I believe people have a hard time doing. It seems it's all one way or the other. I was just saying in a thread I started that a guy I have known for years and wanted to date for a while and had just started to, well I guess he's not talking to me because I talked about too many things that I wanted to possibly do and asked him if he would be interested in doing any of them and apparently he started over thinking that and took it as me planning out his life. I don't think it had to be a deal breaker, all he had to do was tell me that it was making him uncomfortable and I would have stopped. To me it was just conversation.

I believe in being somewhat comfortable from the beginning. I am always myself, hate playing games and want to just be myself from the get go. That way you know what you are getting into and who I am, there's not much to change later on. I prefer that the man be the same way. It's a waste of time and a lie to be someone you are not in the beginning.

I want to find a partner. I think for a lot of people it is all or nothing and that's why it is difficult.
 melissa0607
Joined: 2/12/2009
Msg: 31 (view)
 
At a loss, guy from gym, advice needed
Posted: 3/31/2013 5:34:37 PM
Happy_gal.... I hear what you are saying. The last guy, the ex was a girlfriend, the drama queen girl was one or 2 dates, that's the difference there.

In any case, it doesn't matter now. I screwed up. He actually started texting and calling me during the week and said to me Friday that he hoped we were still on for that evening. We went, we had a great time, stayed up until 3 am kissing again and made plans for Saturday night. We decided to go somewhere that he wanted to go that was about 45 minutes away from his house. We met at his house, he drove, and off we went. Talked the whole time during the ride. There were 5 different rooms with different types of music and we did well going into different ones and asking each other which one we wanted to be in, took turns buying beers. So we get back to his house around 2 and he basically almost threw me out the door. It was really kind of surprising given the last 2 times we were together including the night before, with all the kissing. So I left, confused and a little upset, realized that I left my GPS in his car, called him, no answer, went back to get it. While we were outside at the car I asked him what that was all about. He said we should take things slow but I knew from the way he said it there was more to it. So he tells me that he got freaked out because I was talking about all these different things I wanted to do and asking him if he would do them. I my mind I meant were they things he be open to doing, that he would enjoy doing, he took it as me trying to take all his time, plan out his whole life, etc. He said that he had started to think too much. I apologized, said that was not what I meant and asked him not to over-think it, and he said ok. I said no problem, we will go slower. He asked me for a hug, I hugged him and left. I get home to change into Pj's and take my jewelry off and realize that one of my earrings is gone, one of my favorite pairs of course. So this morning I looked around outside in my parking lot and in my car, no earring. I texted him this morning and asked him if he could look in his car and around his place to see if he could find it, no answer.

I can totally see his point of view, how he took it that way, after he brought it to my attention. I myself don't think like that. It was just talk. I don't think either of us is right or wrong but that is part of getting to know someone, their likes and dislikes, how they think, what their expectations are, etc. I have dated men that wanted to spend every day together right away and men that like to take it slower. In my experience the beginning is the most exciting part and people stay up all night and talk, talk and text a lot, and spend a lot of time together during the "honeymoon" phase and then it tends to wear off a little bit. That's not to say everyone is like that and now that I know that bothered him I wouldn't do it anymore but I am not sure I will get that chance. I suppose if someone cannot accept me for who I am or tell me their preferences like an adult then I don't really need to be with them. I feel that you need to accept a person with their good and bad traits and I like to think that I do that. He has a poker face and I wear my heart on my sleeve and we actually talked about that last night and agreed that neither is good or bad, just different. He is impossible to read, not sure I have ever encountered that to that extreme before. I'm usually pretty good at reading people

I don't think what I did was necessarily bad, but it made him uncomfortable and that's what matters. I don't think every little thing is a red flag or a deal breaker. I worry more about the bigger more important stuff that would make it hard to be with someone long term. I feel that worrying about every little minute thing would make finding a long term relationship difficult. Of course we are talking about a guy who is 46 and his longest relationship ever was only a year and a half. He is not perfect either and I would not expect him to be. He was on his phone more than I would like, I don't do that when I am out with someone. His friends kept texting him to ask what he was doing and he was on Facebook a few times. The bathroom in his apartment, disgusting. I don't mean a little bit either, I mean worse than any gas station bathroom I have ever been in in my entire life. Gross. there are always going to be some things we don't like. That's life.

The part about this that is bothering me the most is this, he told me Friday night that what he likes the most about me is my personality and that I like to do the things he likes to do and that we have fun together. I guess I didn't think much of saying that stuff because of that. Lesson learned. Also, I have put on 11 pounds and have 30 to lose now and he has lost 30 over the last 15 months. I have a feeling this has something to do with it. He does stand up comedy sometimes and does jokes about fat Americans and stuff. I am already insecure about it and this isn't helping. I did tell him that he looked great and has done very well. I was inspired by his weight loss and started hitting the gym again pretty hard this past week.

I did write him a letter explaining some stuff, not sure I will ever send it to him but it was good to get it out of my head. I'm going to give it a few days and see what happens. For now I am just going to concentrate on getting back into my gym routine and feeling better about myself that way. Sorry this got so long.
 melissa0607
Joined: 2/12/2009
Msg: 33 (view)
 
What was dating like before cell phones and pagers?
Posted: 3/31/2013 3:42:37 PM
I agree with everything that has been said here.

I was out Friday night with someone and my friend knew where we were going and that there was a band playing. She showed up with her boyfriend, great, fun, two couples. Next thing I know this guy's friend is there because the friend texted him and asked where he was, and now he is paying attention to his friend, texting on his phone to another friend who wanted to know where he was, and I was kind of irritated. If you're going to take your phone, know when not to use it. I mean it's enough already, really.

We were out again last night and although he didn't do it as much or in front on me, every time I came back from the ladies room, he was texting or on Facebook. Now, we were at a multiplex where there are five rooms of music, one country, one dance, one hip-hop, one band and one techno. Can you tell me that there wasn't enough to see and do there that he had to be on the phone every time I was gone for 5 minutes. I tried not to say anything last night because I didn't want to come across like a nag, and I know people feel like this is the norm, but when you are out with someone for a few hours, give them your undivided attention, it shouldn't be that hard. I have my phone with me when I am out, but it is in my purse and on silent. I check it when I am in the bathroom and that's about it.

Matter of fact, I called him Thursday night because I wanted to talk and was sick of texting and he said he didn't even know how to answer his new phone and that no one ever actually calls him. That's pretty sad. I am sure it's because all they do is text and he is 46!

I also love that if god forbid you wanted to surprise someone, or stop by and see someone unannounced it is a crime. You are invading their personal space, stalking them or it makes you psycho. A friend of mine at the gym and I were just talking about all of this. He has been married forever and said if he ever had to date today he would not be able to handle it with all these ridiculous things. Times have changed and I don't think it's for the better as far as personal relationships go, that's for sure.
 melissa0607
Joined: 2/12/2009
Msg: 27 (view)
 
At a loss, guy from gym, advice needed
Posted: 3/26/2013 8:21:20 PM
Well like I said, she started the conversation. She said something like, oh you two have never dated? why not? and mentioned the chemistry between us. That's when he said something about not wanting to be another of my horror stories and mentioned that he thought maybe if he asked me out I'd say yes. that's as much as I know about their conversation. Still, he didn't have to participate in it that much if he didn't want to.

I agree with you. After all this time I just want to know and there is nothing to lose. If nothing is going to happen then nothing happens. I don't think he would be going with me Friday night if that's how he felt. He also could have gone home after we kissed in the parking lot for a bit. He did not need to come here and stay up until almost 5 am. (he works days, lives alone and was not "too juiced up" or at least didn't seem to be) Not to mention that the place we were at is only 5 minutes from his home and it was a 15 minute drive to come back here and then he had to go back afterwards.

Yes, the what if is killing me. I would rather just know. Which is probably why I started this thread and am thinking about it so much. Not knowing is one of the worst feelings and I am so not good at it.
 melissa0607
Joined: 2/12/2009
Msg: 25 (view)
 
At a loss, guy from gym, advice needed
Posted: 3/26/2013 8:04:47 PM
gtomustang... that is an excellent point about making it a statement and not a question, I hadn't thought of it like that. You are totally correct that a question would put him on the spot. The conversation him and my friend had, she started it, but the outcome was still the same. So, you're a guy, you tell me why he did it and why he stayed here until 4 am. He told me while he was here that he thinks I am beautiful and that he enjoyed kissing me very much, so I assume that is why he did it. lol. He also sent a text when he got home saying thanks for a wonderful evening. You are also right that I have nothing to lose. It's either going to happen or it's not.
 melissa0607
Joined: 2/12/2009
Msg: 24 (view)
 
At a loss, guy from gym, advice needed
Posted: 3/26/2013 7:57:09 PM
Yes Helen, I am well aware of my last botched emotional situation, although this guy is not. He knows nothing about that last guy. But thanks for picking up on that one little thing out of all of this. EVERYONE just loves the drama huh? That whole situation was crazy. That was a guy who called and texted me multiple times a day, spent almost every day with me, told me he was falling in love with me and then lied to me. It sucked and I thank you for bringing it back up... and I still see him every week at trivia and just act normal as if it had no effect on me. I love that I can do that because I have learned to let go.
 melissa0607
Joined: 2/12/2009
Msg: 22 (view)
 
At a loss, guy from gym, advice needed
Posted: 3/26/2013 7:50:42 PM
ReadBeforeWriting.... I have to tell you, you look so much like one of my clients it's weird. She's about 24 but every time I see one of your posts, I think it's her for a quick minute. You look fantastic. Would never have guessed your age.

Just to be clear... he kissed me, he told me that he had been interested for a while. Other than asking why this happened after so long, and saying yes me too, I haven't said much of anything to him. I have said much more to you guys than to him. He's a bit odd and waaayyy different than most guys I have ever dated. I am going to just see how it goes. BUT, if the opportunity presents itself or the moment does, I may touch on it. Not in a pushy way, maybe more being a bit inquisitive without being over the top. I am really just going to play it by ear and see what feels right at the time. My guess is that after what happened Saturday night, if he didn't want to go down that road at all, we would not be going out Friday night. This is the part of dating that sucks. lol

There are men that don't know how to take the lead. I have read it here in the forums. I have seen it in real life. The thing with those types of men is trying to figure out if that is the case or if it's a lack of interest.
 melissa0607
Joined: 2/12/2009
Msg: 19 (view)
 
At a loss, guy from gym, advice needed
Posted: 3/26/2013 7:30:02 PM
What he told my friend was that he knew some of my dating horror stories and did not want to be one of them. Who knows what that means. At this point, only he knows. I know she also told him that she saw some chemistry between him and I. Why do you say if he was interested I would know it? When I asked him why he finally kissed me after all this time he said he's been interested for a while. I told him that I was too and that I thought I had flirted with him a few times and he said he is not good at reading signals/flirting from women. Maybe the talk my friend had with him made him realize what was going on and gave him the green light. Who the hell knows unless I ask him straight out.

We were both dating people off and on throughout this whole time too. Maybe the timing was never right. Maybe he's unsure whether he wants to change how things are between us after all this time. Maybe he is just shy and awkward around women like I said. He has every right to think about it and decide how he feels about it. I was wondering myself whether or not to do it because if we did and it ended, then what? Go back to how things were? the only way to know any of this is to go out with him and then ask him if I am still unsure.

When we texted yesterday he never really answered about Friday. Today I mentioned that he never answered and that if we were going I wanted to keep my schedule light for Saturday and he said yes, he wanted to go, he thinks it will be fun.
 melissa0607
Joined: 2/12/2009
Msg: 17 (view)
 
At a loss, guy from gym, advice needed
Posted: 3/26/2013 6:39:07 PM

I'll echo Afitdancer. Take the lead. Regardless of how shy he may be he is a man. After all, do you want to have to hold his hand in the bedroom, as well? See how Friday goes and if you like it come right out and say you'd like to date him. Is he interested? Anything but a direct " Yes" means " No."


I agree with this, completely. We are a definite for Friday night so I am going to see how that goes, how he acts towards me, if he kisses me again and then tell him what I want and ask him if he is interested in going down that road and seeing what happens. Judging by the kissing Saturday night, I highly doubt I would have to hold his hand in the bedroom. Gut feeling.
 melissa0607
Joined: 2/12/2009
Msg: 16 (view)
 
At a loss, guy from gym, advice needed
Posted: 3/26/2013 6:35:23 PM
Oldhag... whoa whoa whoa... No one said anything about having feelings or being ignored. I said I had a "thing" for him. That does not mean feelings, it means some kind of attraction. I will have to know him on a more personal level before feelings could develop. He is not ignoring me. We actually texted a bit this morning and we are going to see that band Friday night, so, we will see how that goes and take it from there. He doesn't know anything about how I feel or don't feel. I haven't said anything and there is nothing to say other than I would like to go out with him a few times and see how it goes on a dating level as opposed to friends/buddies, and I haven't even said that yet. wow
 melissa0607
Joined: 2/12/2009
Msg: 36 (view)
 
HE CANT KISS!!! for the love of God.HELP!
Posted: 3/26/2013 2:29:22 PM

Nice! It's important to warm up the motor, and I miss long make-out sessions. Most women want to have sex and rush me at that point. I have a squeegee in my car because the wipers only work on the outside.


I love nights like this. I can understand the desire to rush into sex at that point but it really takes away from the pleasure and the art of kissing. I prefer to wait a while before getting into the sexual stuff, no need to rush it, it will happen when the time is right. The kissing was so amazing I could have stayed here for days kissing him. Seeing him again Friday night. Hoping for round 2. :) Impromptu squeegee needed nights are the best!
 melissa0607
Joined: 2/12/2009
Msg: 12 (view)
 
At a loss, guy from gym, advice needed
Posted: 3/25/2013 8:27:34 PM
Well, That's the discussion that QT and I were just having. I know I would like to date him and see what this is like on a more personal level. Chatting at the gym, hanging out seeing bands and chatting on FB is great but all of them are rather impersonal. That's why I am saying he's more of an acquaintance. Above we were discussing not having that talk with him as not to scare him off or make him run. I guess I will have to play it by ear and see how things are in the moment. I am not looking to have a "let's get into a relationship" conversation right away but I would like to know if we are on the same page.
 melissa0607
Joined: 2/12/2009
Msg: 10 (view)
 
At a loss, guy from gym, advice needed
Posted: 3/25/2013 8:15:19 PM
Quasimodo... friend might be a little strong of a word, casual friends? gym buddies for a few years and then we would meet up to see bands together and stuff, chat on Facebook, but never more than that, but I get the point you are making none the less. I myself am a little bewildered right now and wondering why after all this time, but like I said, often one of us was dating someone in between all of this. I did ask him the other night when he kissed me and he said he had been interested for a while. It was only a day and a half ago and we texted today for a bit. It's not talking but it is communicating.

I don't even consider Friday night a date. We talked about going to this before the kissing even happened. It's a charity event and an 80's band and we both love 80's bands and music. I think just go Friday, hopefully, and see what happens then.
 melissa0607
Joined: 2/12/2009
Msg: 7 (view)
 
At a loss, guy from gym, advice needed
Posted: 3/25/2013 7:45:54 PM
OK, point taken. I will wait until later in the week, if I haven't heard anything by Thursday then I will give him a quick call to check in about Friday night since we already talked about going, and then just act the same as usual if we go. I will let it take it's course from there and see what he does. Is that good?

And thank you for giving me some actual advice on this. Lots of times on here all people do is bash or tell you to run for whatever reason they can find. :)
 melissa0607
Joined: 2/12/2009
Msg: 5 (view)
 
At a loss, guy from gym, advice needed
Posted: 3/25/2013 7:27:10 PM
QT3.... That's kind of what I was thinking too. I am not trying to define it necessarily, or set any itinerary, or get all crazy or girlfriend-y on him. I think I am just over thinking because it will never be really the same as it was, you know? But I would like to start dating him a little and see what happens. I don't want it to be like it's been in the past either. Do you get what I am saying?

The other night kind of changed the dynamics so I just feel unsure. If it were a guy I had just met, I would not be questioning it like this. I think I will wait until Thursday or Friday and if I haven't heard anything I will call him to see if we are still going Friday night.
 melissa0607
Joined: 2/12/2009
Msg: 3 (view)
 
At a loss, guy from gym, advice needed
Posted: 3/25/2013 7:15:35 PM
Yes, 8 years. so? I lived with someone for 3 of those in the beginning. Was with someone else for 2 more of them. He dated someone for a year and half somewhere in there. Maybe it was never the right time, we were never single at the same time. Whatever, does that really matter?

Drama queen was only a date or two, not a girlfriend, nothing to worry about there.
 melissa0607
Joined: 2/12/2009
Msg: 1 (view)
 
At a loss, guy from gym, advice needed
Posted: 3/25/2013 6:46:25 PM
I don't know how to make this a short story. I'll do my best.

I have known this guy from my gym for approximately 8 years or so. We used to always go to the gym at the same time. There are a bunch of us that are all friendly from that. We no longer go at the same time, I haven't seen him as much for the past couple of years. We are friends on Facebook and I go out and meet him to see a band every now and again. I never thought he was very attractive but over time have become more attracted to him. About a year and half ago when we were out one night, the place shut down early because of a fight so we went down the street to another place and a third person came with us, he was a friend of a friend of mine. The other guy was paying a lot of attention to me and this guy kind of backed off. I thought maybe something was going to happen that night and had the other guy not come with us I believe it would have. I can never tell is this guy is attracted to me or not.

OK, fast forward to the present. My friend and I went out to see a band Saturday night, 2 weeks ago. This guy is there and he was with a girl. She got mental, took off, came back and was causing all kinds of drama. I tell my friend that I have a "thing" for him. She is surprised, does not find him attractive and I explain that I have known him for years and I just have this "thing" cannot really explain it. I like hanging out with him. I have this urge to kiss him.

So this past weekend I tell him we are going again to see the band that's playing, he says he is going too and solo, drama queen girl will not be there. So the three of us are hanging out and I find myself flirting with him quite a bit, and I think in his own reserved shy way he is doing the same. I went to the bathroom and while I was gone they talked a bit. He tells her that he knows some of my horror stories and does not want to be one of them. That he thinks if he asked me out I would say yes. She tells me that she gets the feeling he is interested. The band played one slow song and we danced to it, it was very nice and then I knew something was going on, I could feel it.

The night ends and he walks me to my car. We are standing there and he kissed me. I was so surprised but the kiss was awesome and we both said so. I asked him why now, after all this time, did this finally happen. He said he had been interested for some time but is very awkward with women and never can read the signs. We decided to go back to my house. He stayed here until 4:30 in the morning. We kissed pretty much the entire time and it was amazing. We had talked about a few different hings we would like to go do together in the near future. He texted me when he got home and said thanks for a wonderful evening.

So I texted him today, we chatted for a bit but nothing much came of it. I mentioned to him if we were still going to see the 80's band Friday night and he never answered about that. I am so unsure how to handle this from here on out. I know he is shy and awkward with women so I am not sure whether to take the lead and see what happens or just sit back and see what he does. I only know him casually and would like to know him better. It's weird for me because I have known him for so long. I would like for us to date and see what could come of it and would like to tell him that. I am thinking that if we do go out Friday night I could mention it then? I don't want to be pushy but I do want to know something after all this time.

What do you guys think? What would you do?
 melissa0607
Joined: 2/12/2009
Msg: 32 (view)
 
HE CANT KISS!!! for the love of God.HELP!
Posted: 3/25/2013 6:08:09 PM
For me. kissing is so important. I love to kiss and it is definitely a huge turn on when the kissing is great.

My last few years, the ones that come to mind...

Very affectionate guy, wanted to kiss with no tongue? still friends but no way I could do that.
Great kisser, very romantic guy, but surprisingly bad in bed
Great kisser, good in bed, but a liar and a cheater...
Great kisser, great in bed, turned out to be an addict/alcoholic/liar
Great kisser (like top 5 great), never slept with him, still curious
Great kisser, wimpy guy, just ok in bed, made noises like you describe in bed that toally turned me off
So-so kisser, not a fan of kissing, left me for ex gf, think he would've been good in bed excpet for kissing problem
So-so kisser, too aggressive, loves to kiss but is not as good as it as he thought... I almost forgot, this one, at one point I told him to sit back and let me kiss him. It worked a little. Had we dated longer I would've tried harder but he himself wasn't worth it. lol

Saturday night I was out with someone I have known from my gym and have been flirting with for years, we finally ended up alone at the end of the night and he kissed me. Wow, just wow.We ended up coming back here and kissing for 3 hours. It was freaking fantastic! People definitely underestimate the power of good kissing. Although judging from my history, great kissing does not always equate to great sex. Only you can decide how important it is for you and see if you can get him to be more in tune with you. I'll be curious to see how this goes.
 melissa0607
Joined: 2/12/2009
Msg: 62 (view)
 
Dating today... coffee dates and text messages
Posted: 3/15/2013 7:30:47 AM
Ohsix... I never said he quit responding, we haven't stopped communicating. It had only been a couple of hours and I was still waiting on his response at the time of the OP. The point of it was that while these may not be my preferences, I was simply curious how others do or do not like to do things. I never said it was a make or break or that I wasn't going to go out with him because of either or that he didn't want to do a full on date as some have said, these are assumptions. He made a suggestion and then I made one, that's it. This part of it is being made into a bigger deal than it actually is. That is why I keep saying that I am not necessarily complaining, I am not seeking validation or affirmation, it just got me thinking. You were right when you used the word observation, that describes it much more accurately than complaint. It really is that simple.

When I am doing something with someone, a friend, a date, one of us will say hey, do you feel like doing A, the other may say no I feel more like B, maybe you do A, maybe you do B, maybe you settle on C, as long as both people have fun and enjoy their time, does it matter how you get there?

RE: the underrated comment. I misread and thought you were saying it was overrated... my bad.

Look, everyone has preferences; some like short, some tall, some like skinny, some with meat on their bones, some like very active activities such as hiking or running, some like theater and entertainment, some want all text, some prefer to talk. None of the above are right or wrong, just preferences for each individual, that's what makes us all different. When searching for a person you want to be in a romantic relationship with it's good to be at least somewhat on the same page, especially as far as communication and interests.

Rockstar... Yes, he knows I am interested and yes, I do initiate contact. I don't know how it came to this. We both have some level of interest. I think maybe we are just in different places as far as what we want from a dating relationship at this point in time, something we had discussed a while back. Explaining this would mean I would have to get much more into specifics about our conversations which really has nothing to do with what this thread was about. I'd be happy to tell you to if you want to know.
 melissa0607
Joined: 2/12/2009
Msg: 55 (view)
 
Dating today... coffee dates and text messages
Posted: 3/14/2013 4:05:21 PM
RedJello.... Yes, all very well put.


ohsix... No, I did not ask for advice on my situation, I asked what would you people do in similar situations for yourself. I did give examples of what prompted me to ask, that is all. If you actually read my OP, I never asked for advice or input, at all, simply asked what other people look for or accept. I already know how I feel about it and I am OK with that. I am OK with who I am. Are you?

He doesn't seem to have a problem with me wanting to do something else so why should you? I should go out and do something that I do not/might not necessarily enjoy just because a man graced me with his asking? Women should bow down and be happy that any man asked them out or is willing to spend his time with her? Get down off your pedestal. Must be hard to see all the women lined up waiting for you from up there. You are very long winded and in the end it doesn't add up to much of anything. I am sure you could sit in a coffee shop for hours since it seems you like to hear yourself talk but do not value others having their own opinions... but the question is, would the woman even get a chance to speak? You sir are jaded.

It is possible to make plans so that BOTH people involved will enjoy their evening. I, ME, one of the people going, happen to enjoy a dinner and movie night sometimes, so while you might find it underrated, you are not the one going on the date. And I made it as a suggestion of something we could do, not the be all end all of what I wanted to do. There are other thing in play here regarding the specific situation with this particular man that might have some bearing on MY decisions with him, but they are not your business and had nothing to do with the actual questions I asked in the beginning of this.
 melissa0607
Joined: 2/12/2009
Msg: 47 (view)
 
Dating today... coffee dates and text messages
Posted: 3/14/2013 9:33:29 AM
DavidJoseph....

Can you read??? I did tell him that's not what I want to do and suggested something else. I am informing you of events, not complaining. Please learn the difference between a discussion and a complaint.

I know you're not dating me, that was the purpose of that comment. Went right over your head huh???

OMG, I just checked your profile. You are 58? I thought for sure much younger by this response.

I wish people would stop reading more into things than there is.


Stubidoo.... You get my point exactly with the movie thing. Our thinking is the same on that. It is a nice break, relaxing and something to talk about afterwards.


RedJello.... If you don't have time or patience for more than a 5 word text how could you possibly find the time for a date? I love texting, it is very useful and easy for most things but draw the line somewhere. What would you not use texting for? Maybe that's a better question... Where do you draw the line?
 melissa0607
Joined: 2/12/2009
Msg: 40 (view)
 
Dating today... coffee dates and text messages
Posted: 3/14/2013 7:59:44 AM
Wow, wow, wow....

OK, lets get some things straight....

1- He does not drink at all because he is SOBER, nothing to do with having one and driving. Maybe I do not feel comfortable right now having a few drinks with someone who is sober, or is not sharing a few drinks with me. That's MY choice to make. I do not drink much anyhow.

2- I DID suggest something else, I said dinner and possibly a movie or something, meaning some kind of activity. He texted me back last night with some response about not wanting to rush through a meal to get to a movie. It was a 4 piece text basically saying that he did not wish to sit in a movie theater and not be able to talk to me, he wants to get to know me better. But then at the end said he didn't care what we did as long as he could get to know me better. That was a bit confusing. For me, talking for an hour or an hour and a half at dinner is good, then enjoy a movie, then maybe be able to talk about the movie you saw. I do not feel the need to talk for 5 hours and try to know everything about someone in one sitting. That's just me. I'm not even saying it has to be a movie, just some kind of activity. I am willing to come up with something we both want to do, it was just a suggestion. I like the movies and haven't gone in a while. All I know is that I DO NOT want to sit in a coffee shop again, or on a Saturday night. I will not enjoy it and I think it should be something we will BOTH enjoy since we are both going to be there. I seem to always give in to things I do not want to do to make everyone else happy and I am done with that. I am not saying that in a rude or selfish way but that's the way it is, one of the things I have been working on.

I also think that after the initial coffee meet, quick coffee dates can sometimes be easier/better later on, after you know the person a little and know that you would give anything for 5 minutes with them. You know you can carry on a conversation without any awkward pauses. I think in the beginning it is easier to have things/activities to do to avoid some of that. That way there are not those awkward moments of someone trying to make conversation about something. It can go either way but with some activity you can be sure of it.

3- I am not complaining or making drama, it just got me thinking about people and their preferences so I thought I would ask people what their preferences are. I know what mine are and do not care to be judged for them. If we were all exactly the same, well then, I guess finding a partner and life in general would be easier.

4- Yeah, so he has to work Saturday morning, I own a hair salon and have to work all day and am pretty sure it will be more time consuming for me to get ready for a date than him. Maybe I have plans Sunday and that's why I couldn't go then, not because I wanted the "sexy" Friday or Saturday night.

I wasn't looking for advice on my situation. I know how I feel about it and know how to communicate that to the other person involved. lol. Was simply wanting input on how others date today. If they use or enjoy texting to ask one another out and regarding the dates themselves. I am not sure people even date anymore. I think the person in the other thread was right when they said that.

If you do not like the way I wish to date, then don't date me. It's that easy. :)
 melissa0607
Joined: 2/12/2009
Msg: 26 (view)
 
Dating today... coffee dates and text messages
Posted: 3/13/2013 3:16:57 PM
So I have been pondering this all day now due to the responses so far. We all have our own set of "rules" as you call them but I would like to think of them more as wishes and desires. I think I just know myself, who I am and what I am looking for. At this age I would hope so. I guess the more important thing here is that the two people who are "dating" are on the same page.

I think that I am often too nice and accept less than what I want. I am totally happy with hanging in and cooking, watching TV, watching a movie, playing board games etc. But it seems to me that sometimes it becomes all that and nothing else. The last person I dated, even though I got burned pretty badly, we had a blast together and it made me see what I really want. We went out to play trivia, did Karaoke, went bowling, shot pool, watched Bruins games, hung at my house, cooked, played games, listened to music and watched movies. It was a good mix of doing things in and out. The thing was that we got along so well that we had fun no matter what.

I just don't think it needs to start off so casually. I think at least the first few times out together should be more "date-like" and then it can be a good mix from there. It also breaks the ice doing something instead of just sitting there trying to make conversation which can get awkward. They say couples who still have a date night after years together have more success. There's a reason for that. Even after being together for years they try for each other and don't take things for granted. I have been taken advantage of quite a bit and don't intend to play that role anymore. I'm not asking for someone to put me on a pedestal or treat me like a princess but at least take some time to plan something nice or fun for us to do instead of just meet for coffee all the time. Just like when I have someone to my house. I take the time to plan a nice meal, go shopping for it, make dessert and maybe rent a movie. I take what they like into consideration and try to make it a nice evening for them. I am only asking to be treated the way I treat others. I think I am somewhat "traditional" in the way I think of dating. I believe we should try to impress each other, show who we are and see if there is any possibility for long term there. I believe that is the reason for dating, it's a means to an end so to speak. Unless you are using it as a time killer, then it's a whole different story.

I don't think it's a time issue. I own a salon and obviously work Saturdays as well. If we are meeting later, then I assume it would be evening time and either I will plan to see him for the night or not at all. I would like it to be a date. I don't think that makes me any less of a good person, that's just what I want at this point in my life.

Also, I am not against going for coffee in general and when you are dating someone and you want to meet for a quick cup of coffee when there is only a little bit of time. Great. All for it. I just think for this situation, first date after a first meet, it should be more of a "date". Nor am I against texting, just not for asking someone you barely know on a date.

p.s. Orion... I still write letters. :) For many reasons and for certain situations they are much more classy than trying to say that much in a text message. It's just more thoughtful in my eyes.
 melissa0607
Joined: 2/12/2009
Msg: 14 (view)
 
Dating today... coffee dates and text messages
Posted: 3/13/2013 1:26:48 PM

There is not written rule that says you have to go to the same coffee shop, and many shops serve different foods to go along with drinks (tasty delights or even ice cream). There is also no written rule that says you have to stay in the coffee shop as you can walk around the block or go sight seeing with the cup of joe in hand.


Sunshine... apparently you and I have different ideas of what dating is. I would enjoy going out for dinner, movie, pool, bowling, watch a game, walk around town, etc. Not to just keep going to get coffee, whether the place serves food or ice cream or whatever.




Meeting for coffee is not a natural thing for a man and woman to do. You have placed yourself in an uncomfortable and unromantic setting. If this is set in the middle of the day, it is even worse as the woman is unlikely to be "dressed to impress" and will likely not make that "knock out" first impression she would if she were dressing for an evening out. Even worse, there is likely a time constraint so the entire thing feels "rushed" (this is what leads to the "interview" trying to get certain questions into the conversation)

Meeting for a drink/dinner is a natural and relaxing thing to do in an environment where others are doing the same thing and having a good time where there is no pressure of any kind.


I agree with this. These things feel more romantic and like a date. And we do want to get dressed, do our makeup and impress, it's fun. Everything has become so casual today. I see people go to weddings in jeans. Coffee dates are meets. I want real dates after that. And by that I do not mean expensive or spend money on me dates, just real dates, romantic dates, fun dates. you get the picture.
 melissa0607
Joined: 2/12/2009
Msg: 11 (view)
 
Dating today... coffee dates and text messages
Posted: 3/13/2013 1:04:11 PM
Orion... I do not mind the coffee meet. It makes it easier than trying to get out of a long date. Although I have had long first meet/dates too. I think you can tell from talking with someone on the phone which is the best on a person by person basis. I just think doing it again for a second time is too much and kind of silly. Like I said, the asking for a date in text, it's my hangup, I know not everyone will agree.

I feel like the coffee date question is being misunderstood. I like it for a first meet but how many would you go on with the same person? Or do you expect a "real" date of some sort after the first meet.


Canada... Jets fan... holy cow... I think the snowballs will be headed your way... lol (BTW, I may be heading to Canada to visit a friend this spring/summer)
 melissa0607
Joined: 2/12/2009
Msg: 9 (view)
 
Second Date Put Off A Week
Posted: 3/13/2013 12:21:29 PM
yes.....agreed....you think like me.............


Not sure who you saying this to?
 melissa0607
Joined: 2/12/2009
Msg: 7 (view)
 
Dating today... coffee dates and text messages
Posted: 3/13/2013 12:17:29 PM
C Deacon, I get what you are saying. I didn't mean it had to specifically be dinner either, just not sitting in a coffee shop again doing basically nothing. We could go play pool, go bowling, etc. I am fine with whatever. I just figured if it's a Saturday night we could do dinner and then maybe something after. He is sober, so going for drinks is out of the question.

I am not saying it has to be text or phone either, not all one or the other. I just think it's nice if a man wants to ask a woman out that he call and ask her and it not be through text. That's just one of my personal hangups. I will communicate that to him but I didn't want to do it through text as it could come across differently than how I intend it to. I am not angry, I just don't like it.
 melissa0607
Joined: 2/12/2009
Msg: 6 (view)
 
Second Date Put Off A Week
Posted: 3/13/2013 12:09:40 PM
Woman rule #1.... never blow off your girlfriends for a guy/date. Don't take it personally, women who do that are desperate. It sends a bad message and makes you look too eager and like a doormat. She made plans with her girlfriends, that's a commitment. If you are questioning this then how would you feel if she did make plans with you and then blew you off to go out with her friends instead? Something tells me you would not be too happy. :(

Although I do agree with the why wait another whole week. Why don't you ask her for a night during the week and see what she says.
 melissa0607
Joined: 2/12/2009
Msg: 4 (view)
 
Dating today... coffee dates and text messages
Posted: 3/13/2013 12:02:10 PM
Marleen.... I am not complaining about texting in general, more specifically being asked out in text. I am not going to tell him that in a text, I will tell him when/if I see him again.

Anybody care to answer about how many coffee dates? I feel one of those is enough and after that it should be something different, more of a date of sorts. That's just my opinion though and I am curious to see how others feel.
 melissa0607
Joined: 2/12/2009
Msg: 1 (view)
 
Dating today... coffee dates and text messages
Posted: 3/13/2013 11:25:41 AM
I have two things I would like to ask about so I thought I would roll it all into one thread regarding dating today.

For the most part I am on board with having a quick drink, coffee or lunch date for a first meet. I have been in the situation where I knew in 5 minutes that I wanted to leave but stayed to be polite. These guys weren't jerks or anything, just not for me. I am about to go out with someone for the second time who I already had a coffee meet with. He asked me out for Sunday (in a text, more on this later) but it is not good for me so I suggested Saturday night and asked what he was thinking. He said, and I quote, "I want to spend some more time with you, get to know you better, I have to work Saturday day but can maybe meet up with you later for drinks/coffee". I wrote back and said I was thinking more like a date night, dinner, maybe a movie, told him to think about it and let me know. I haven't heard back yet. (Also,meeting for drinks is unrealistic as he doesn't drink and I could care less if I do or not and wouldn't really want to when out with someone who does not drink.)

So I guess my first question is this, how many coffee dates so you expect to go on before you have an actual date where you do things and spend more than an hour together? And before anyone jumps on the gold-digger train, that is not me. I always reciprocate. If he paid for dinner, I would get the movie. If he wouldn't let me I would pick up the check the next time, or cook him dinner or something. I just think 2 coffee dates in a row is a bit monotonous and it makes me wonder.

Second thing I would like to bring up is texting a woman for a date. I enjoy texting, find it is easier some of the time when people are busy or at work and can be fun and flirty if done right. I do not think it is a good way to communicate nor do I think it should be the only form of communication, ESPECIALLY when asking a woman out. I would much prefer to be called and asked out than through text. I am curious to hear thoughts on this from both men and women.

Men-Would you ask a woman out through text?
Ladies- Would you accept a date asked through text?
 melissa0607
Joined: 2/12/2009
Msg: 34 (view)
 
Does this keep happening to anyone else?
Posted: 3/13/2013 11:05:47 AM

You suck in bed. It may be that your penis is small, or it may be that your nether regions smell like sauerkraut. You may say stupid shit while you're pumping away that you think is hot that you learned from a porno, or you may make just the most ridiculous sound when you blow your load. But it's definitely ONE of those things.

......also.....Pescando!! You need to relocate to Stoughton, Massechusetts. Just saying.


Orion.... this literally made me laugh out loud. The last guy I dated, we never slept together and only fooled around a little a couple of times, but when he got turned on, which was often, he would say stupid shit. He was with his wife for 28 years so I think he never learned anything along the way and I think he must have picked this up from pornos. Total turn off. All I could think was if we ever did have sex it would probably suck too. Could also be that he doesn't pay attention to the woman's responses and doesn't do what she likes, that's pretty common. The last guy I did have sex with got so sweaty under his pits it was nasty. I know it's not his fault, but it was gross.

BTW.... Thanks for the compliment!
 melissa0607
Joined: 2/12/2009
Msg: 81 (view)
 
Cell phone etiquette
Posted: 3/12/2013 3:22:22 PM

Like I said earlier, my brother and I somehow miraculously survived our parents having the occasional night out before people had cell phones, and I'm really pretty sure it can be done now too. So this whole "my child might have an emergency" thing is ridiculous. They don't happen any more now than they did then. And if you do have a situation ongoing such as a very ill relative, wherein you might get The Call any minute, you should be at the hospital or hospice, or resting at home, and not on a date anyway.


This plus 1

When did everything in life become such an emergency? We all survived when our parents didn't have cell phones, matter of fact we as kids survived without them too. It blows my mind how many small children have phones. Yes, you are a parent but I assume that either the child's mother is watching him/her or someone else that you trust enough to leave your child with. If there is an emergency they are there to handle it. You can check your phone while you are in the men's room or whatnot but to leave it out on the table is so rude. I don't do it and I don't like it done to me. If your pants are too tight for a phone in your pocket then invest in a belt clip for it. It's not rocket science. People need to stop making excuses for their bad behavior.
 melissa0607
Joined: 2/12/2009
Msg: 32 (view)
 
Girl at my gym
Posted: 3/12/2013 2:51:45 PM
Did he just ask for no more posts in his thread? Seriously? You posted this in a PUBLIC forum. I am sure most people that took the time to give you advice would like a follow up and like to know what comes of this. Wow....

My thoughts are that you should ask her out and I agree with asking her outside of the gym. A lot of people have said not to date people from the gym and that people are there to work out and to leave them alone. I disagree, the gym is a great place to meet someone with common interests as you so long as you are not treating it like a nightclub and hooking up with everyone in there. I have a rule not to date anyone from my gym. I broke it once and was sorry because when it went bad it was very uncomfortable being there at the same time. Just my .02
 melissa0607
Joined: 2/12/2009
Msg: 28 (view)
 
Does this keep happening to anyone else?
Posted: 3/12/2013 2:41:29 PM

OK, nice self-advertisement.
"I'm a nice guy that really wants to take it slow, but I can't stop getting laid!"
Puh-lease...


This^^^ I can't even come up with a reply to the OP's post because it seems so ridiculous. You don't know how to have a real relationship that starts out normal without banging every girl you meet on the first date? really? Learn how to date and communicate... gheeesh

BTW Pescando, you are adorable... :)
 melissa0607
Joined: 2/12/2009
Msg: 51 (view)
 
Is he not into me?
Posted: 3/11/2013 5:18:55 PM
After all this you know we would all like to know what the response was???
 melissa0607
Joined: 2/12/2009
Msg: 78 (view)
 
Dating multiple people, to tell or not to tell
Posted: 3/5/2013 2:02:32 PM
First of all, I am not defending him, if anything I am defending myself. I am trying to give you as many facts as possible and explain the situation. How do I know it wasn't him trying to get her back the first time? Because I saw the texts she was sending him with my own eyes. I did not "pounce" on him at all, he pursued me. I wasn't even sure I wanted to date him at first. It wasn't until after spending some time and talking quite a bit and seeing how well we got along and how much we had in common. And you are right, I should have left it alone after the hotel night but I was emotionally involved at that point. The night he came looking for me to apologize, I should have just left it at an apology and not started talking with him again a week later. That was my mistake. I get along better with him than I have with anyone in many years and I missed that. As for the second time, I can't say for sure but my guess is that when people told her we were together last week, she again came looking for him because she came here, to the local bar where she knew he would be watching the Bruins game, and she lives twenty min./half hour away. It was the night after we were out and people saw us. You think it's a coincidence? You think he would tell her to come there knowing I could walk in at any minute? Who knows? We will never know for sure.

It's human nature to want what you can't have or not want someone you've been with to be with someone else. You've never done that? ever? Maybe she is crazy. Maybe it's both of them. Neither you or I will ever know that for sure, will we? We are all making guesses at some of this, including me. The only difference is that I know the people involved and you are only reading it on a computer screen.


Again, this is real life. People make mistakes, people do things based on emotions sometimes, do things they regret, etc. Sometimes it works out, sometimes it doesn't. I know a couple who divorced because of cheating, stayed that way for four years and are now happily remarried for may years. Another friend of mine met someone just after he got separated and ended up marrying her. We cannot always control when we meet someone we are possibly supposed to be with, maybe it's the right time, maybe it's the wrong time but without risk there is no reward. If you want to say I am wrong for thinking like this, feel free. Everything in life is not so black and white and easy, there will always be tough decisions to be made. I don't have regrets for getting involved with him, I regret that it didn't turn out better or wasn't at a better time in his life.
 melissa0607
Joined: 2/12/2009
Msg: 77 (view)
 
Dating multiple people, to tell or not to tell
Posted: 3/5/2013 1:04:26 PM
Fleuron... Have you completely lost your mind? Did you even read what has actually happened? They DID break up, that is not in question. he is not her boyfriend. The nights I drove him home for those 2 weeks when his truck was in the shop, I just drive him home and we talked, nothing happened until they broke up. There was nothing wrong with that. I drive right by his house to get to mine from the pub.

I have known him for months and 4 or 5 of their mutual friends all hang out at this place, including one of her best friends, all who have seen us together. I don't go there to stalk him, I go there for Karaoke and trivia and in the fall football games on Sunday nights sometimes. I also do not go there because of him, I was going to these things before we started talking. I will still go there and do the things I enjoy with all the other people I know there. I will not live my life around him. That's stupid.

You know how people don't necessarily want you but don't want you with anyone else either because they cannot take the feeling of rejection it gives them, or they are test driving others while keeping you on a string, one or both of those is what's going on. Both times he and I started this, she found out and came back. The first time I think she used him to get her car fixed, the second I think just because she found out about us again from one of her friends that saw us together. It's human nature for some people to do that, some let go easy, others not so much.

Get the facts straight before you rip into me. You appear to be a very negative and bitter woman.... wow
 melissa0607
Joined: 2/12/2009
Msg: 74 (view)
 
Dating multiple people, to tell or not to tell
Posted: 3/4/2013 2:58:26 PM
First of all lets get something straight, I am not constantly stalking him.The hotel thing, I went to make sure I was right and that he was lying so that he could not pull the wool over my eyes. Right-wrong... whatever, it is what it is and I do not regret it. Shoot, he understood why I did it better than some of you do which is laughable.The other two times I saw him and stopped were in the center of town, not his house, and he had a few things of mine that I asked him to return. I refuse to be made out to be the bad guy here, I have every right to protect myself from being lied to. I will admit I made some bad choices because of my emotions but that's it. I am sure the people saying these things are in the perfect relationships and make perfect decisions every minute of every day. The rest of us should be envious of your perfection, how easy it must be to be you. I am a sensitive caring passionate person and make no apologies for being me. period.

The last 5 or 6 posts....For those of you that have been understanding, and have been in similar real life situations, thank you. Much of what you said has affected me. I have decided that I am not going to speak to him at all for a while, it's just too hard for me. When I see him at the local place and on trivia night, I will smile, say hello and be polite but short. He will surely realize one day what he lost out on while he was busy being manipulated and fearing rejection and it will more than likely be too late.
 melissa0607
Joined: 2/12/2009
Msg: 65 (view)
 
Dating multiple people, to tell or not to tell
Posted: 2/25/2013 2:49:10 PM
I am going to see him out and about as we both go to trivia on Wednesdays and to either karaoke on Fridays or Sunday nights to the same place. Wednesday night at trivia, we only talked for a few minutes, he apologized and we played on separate teams . The other 2 days, Monday and Tuesday, I was driving right by him, which is also going to happen a lot in a small town center and since we live a mile apart and it was only for 5 minute either time. I am not going to completely change my life or stop doing what I do or going where I go to try to avoid him. If he wants more space, he can avoid me and change where he goes. Not my responsibility. He has to figure this out for himself. If he decides this is what he wants then I will worry about it and make my own decisions later, I don't have to figure anything out right now, just keep living my life and keep myself aware of things, my eyes open and my heart guarded and not make stupid mistakes.
 
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