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 Author Thread: Her busy Schedule
 jr123567
Joined: 2/15/2009
Msg: 170 (view)
 
Her busy Schedule
Posted: 9/14/2010 8:31:09 AM
I agree with Abelien.

A relationship, other than a paid one, is about spending time with someone.

If you don't have time for a relationship, why seek one.


Again, everyone has different definitions about what amount of "spending time" is acceptable or workable. 7theye and his girlfriend don't get to spend much time together due to their schedules, yet they're happy and they work things out. Some other folks would refuse to make those kinds of efforts, or perhaps just can't for various reasons. Who knows. I don't want to judge what works for other people, everyone is different in their needs. As long as you and your partner agree, then it's fine and shouldn't be measured against what someone else believes.
 jr123567
Joined: 2/15/2009
Msg: 165 (view)
 
Her busy Schedule
Posted: 9/13/2010 11:33:02 AM
I don't think you and I disagree. Last time I was in a relationship, I spent pretty much the amount of dating time you do now - every weekend plus once during the week. And I did that despite being a single mom with a busy job. I made time for it. But please don't judge women who don't want their kids involved in their dating. That's just plain good sense not to introduce a boyfriend to the kids unless/until she knows he's likely to stay in their lives. No reason to take that personally, it's probably not meant that way.
 jr123567
Joined: 2/15/2009
Msg: 162 (view)
 
Her busy Schedule
Posted: 9/13/2010 10:21:35 AM
Yes, we do all make choices...if someone chose to forego marriage and children because they prefer an uncommitted life with lots of free time...fine. However, it's not reasonable to assume/expect that everyone else should have done the same. Something like 95 percent of people get married, and most of them have children. Plus, most people's careers usually peak between age 35-55 in terms of job responsibility and stress, and during the same time frame, people's parents start to age and may need help.

So, realistically, if you're dating over the age of 35, chances are that most people you meet will be divorced with kids, and have a demanding job, plus possibly also helping their aging parents. You can certainly choose not to date those people, and only seek those who've never married, no kids, parents in perfect health, and an easy job, but that will greatly shrink your dating pool. You're right, it's about choices.
 jr123567
Joined: 2/15/2009
Msg: 157 (view)
 
Her busy Schedule
Posted: 9/13/2010 9:27:33 AM
Ladyc4,

I'm not sure where all your comments are coming from...to me, if 7theeye and his girlfriend are both happy with their arrangement, more power to them. If they've mutually agreed that her job, not his, should be changed, so be it. As long as it works for them..
 jr123567
Joined: 2/15/2009
Msg: 155 (view)
 
Her busy Schedule
Posted: 9/13/2010 7:28:10 AM
7theye,

Wow, that's a really rough schedule situation to deal with - but it says a lot about the two of you, that you are willing and able to work things out. I guess that's kind of the point here: if two people really want to be together, but have busy schedules, they just do the best they can, instead of sulking and complaining that the other person "doesn't have time for me."
 jr123567
Joined: 2/15/2009
Msg: 142 (view)
 
Her busy Schedule
Posted: 9/9/2010 12:38:48 PM
I've had some guys schedule a first date three weeks out...no big deal to me at all, I know some people are busy, especially if they're single fathers with custody. It's really more what happens after that...are they eager to see me again, and do I feel the same way? If it's mutual, then we'll both do our best to make time for it. Like I said - in my age group, I know my potential matches will likely have careers, homes and family to juggle, just like I do.
 jr123567
Joined: 2/15/2009
Msg: 139 (view)
 
Her busy Schedule
Posted: 9/9/2010 11:55:16 AM
I'm definitely not a workaholic...I wish I could work less and have more free time, but as it is, I am required to spend 8.5 hours a day at my office and commute an hour each way, so right there, just for a normal day job, is ten and half hours a day that I have no control over.

Sometimes I meet guys who are self-employed, work at home, semi-retired or have flexible hours, and then they seem to expect that I will have the same amount of free time as they do, and get annoyed that I don't. There aren't many jobs in my field (especially not in this economy) so I can't just change employers to improve my schedule. And our pay has been frozen for three years due to the economy, so I'm working a second job. It is what it is, and I do the best I can.

I see no need for snippy responses like telling women they're too busy to date and should find a male robot. I've already said I'm available 2-3 times a week which I would like to think is reasonable; I guess it is for some folks and not for others.
 jr123567
Joined: 2/15/2009
Msg: 135 (view)
 
Her busy Schedule
Posted: 9/9/2010 9:17:37 AM
mr. evil, no need to be sarcastic. I wasn't saying I'm unwilling to take chances or risk my feelings...of course I am. Yes, there are people who purposely overstuff their schedules to avoid relationships...I'm not one of them. I'll gladly adjust my schedule for dating, and have done so before...just saying, I don't think it's reasonable or healthy for someone to expect that I will completely ditch all interests and neglect my job/home/family responsibilities.
 jr123567
Joined: 2/15/2009
Msg: 132 (view)
 
Her busy Schedule
Posted: 9/9/2010 8:05:40 AM
I agree, men are rightly attracted to an exciting, interesting, busy woman, not someone lonely, needy, boring and desperate. Yet some of these same guys want you to give up everything that makes you interesting, to spend all your time with him. I've been there and done that. And if the relationship doesn't work out, you're left with nothing, no activities and friends to fall back on. I don't want to be in that situation again. I think it's healthier to keep different things going on in my life.
 jr123567
Joined: 2/15/2009
Msg: 129 (view)
 
Her busy Schedule
Posted: 9/8/2010 11:00:38 AM
I'm one of those busy females. I'm dating someone now who is as busy as I am and it works. Unless I find a man who is willing to support me (and I don't want that, I like being self sufficient) I am going to do what I need to do to take care of me.


Yes, I can definitely relate to this...even if I wanted to see someone seven days a week, how would I do it? Should I have them just sit around my house while I work and commute, do my wash, cook, clean the house, run my weekly errands, and spend a little bit of time with family members or friends? I mean, don't men have similar responsibilities and obligations in their own lives, anyway? Keep in mind I'm in the 40+ group...most of us are homeowners and parents, not carefree 20-somethings anymore, so I just don't think it's realistic to expect someone in this group to have unlimited free time. Make time for dating? Yes, absolutely...just saying there are only so many hours in a day.

Of course, if you're married or living with each other, you could do household things together, and visit family together. But I wouldn't expect that with a new relationship, so I need to find time to take care of those things apart from dating.
 jr123567
Joined: 2/15/2009
Msg: 125 (view)
 
Her busy Schedule
Posted: 9/7/2010 9:30:36 AM
Onenight, that's a whole separate issue IMO. Basically you're talking about people who are rudely breaking dates, or using "busy" as a poor excuse.

That wasn't my question...what I'm asking is, let's assume there are two people with mutual interest, who want to have a relationship. In that situation, how often is reasonable to see each other? For me, personally, two or three times a week is fine. I'm curious to know what others (especially men) think about this.
 jr123567
Joined: 2/15/2009
Msg: 122 (view)
 
Her busy Schedule
Posted: 9/7/2010 8:53:58 AM

I might as well stay single and date other people if someone is rarely around.


As Purr Heart said, I guess we all have different definitions for "rarely." To me, seeing someone two or three times a week is certainly not "rarely."

IMO seeing someone only once a month wouldn't be often enough to develop a good relationship; but on the other hand, seeing someone 7 nights a week and giving up all hobbies and friends is not realistic either.
 jr123567
Joined: 2/15/2009
Msg: 119 (view)
 
Her busy Schedule
Posted: 9/7/2010 7:54:42 AM
So guys, what would you consider "too busy"? Or put in another way, how often do you want/expect to see someone you are dating?

I work full time, have a small second job, own my home that I have to take care of by myself, and have hobbies/friends/family activities. Still, I usually can make time for most of the weekend (incl. Sat night) and one or two nights during the week, to see someone. To me, that's a lot, but I have been in dating situations where someone thought that wasn't enough.

I'm not saying "I'm busy" as some sort of excuse, I'm just not free seven nights a week. And honestly, I don't think it's really healthy to focus 100% of your free time and social life around your s/o. Spend time together? Absolutely, of course. I just don't think there's anything wrong with also having some other activities.

Opinions, guys?
 jr123567
Joined: 2/15/2009
Msg: 91 (view)
 
How to courteously tell someone you're not interested...?
Posted: 5/25/2010 9:22:06 PM
Sucks to do it and sucks when it happens to you but it's STILL the most humane! lol


If the silent treatment sucks on both sides, how can it be the most humane? Sorry, I completely disagree. Tactful honesty is the best. I said TACTFUL honesty. Express genuine, sincere appreciation for whatever amount of time you spent together and for whatever nice qualities the person has as a human being. Then tell them you're very sorry but it's just not the right match for you. I've met some guys who were good looking and had pleasant personalities, but for whatever reason, those particular people didn't jell for me. It was absolutely no reflection on them at all. Chemistry is a funny thing.
 jr123567
Joined: 2/15/2009
Msg: 19 (view)
 
Help for a clueless flirt.
Posted: 5/4/2010 6:33:04 PM

I'm wishing to be a bit proactive to men I'm interested in, but I'm completely introverted and totally clueless about flirting (Yes and I'm 26). I don't want to give men mixed messages (which I'm prone to do), or make myself look like a complete baffoon.


Hey Jennifer...
You're a very attractive young woman who likes comic books, video games, heavy metal and Lord of the Rings. How do you not have scores of guys beating down your door?

Seriously, though, I can relate. Men will find this hard to believe, but flirting absolutely does not come naturally to all women. I smile and I'm friendly and a good conversationalist, yet flirting seems a bit forced for me to do. I would feel like a complete goof batting my eyelashes and going all Scarlett O'Hara! My advice is to try it in small doses, and in ways that are consistent with your own personality. That seems to work for me.
 jr123567
Joined: 2/15/2009
Msg: 17 (view)
 
If the same person you see on this site is on here after a year
Posted: 5/4/2010 6:16:28 PM

If a woman is on this site for over a year, she's obviously not actually looking to meet anyone. If she is, she's WAY too picky, which is a huge red flag. I don't waste my efforts on stale profiles no matter how good they appear.
I think POF should delete all profiles after 12 months and make everyone start over, both men and women.


Have to disagree with this. It's not for me to judge why anybody is on this site for a long time. Most of the people in my age group, in my area, have been here a while. So have I. And I have met many nice people, but not the right one for me.

Finding a date? Easy. Finding a happy relationship? Really, really, really hard. If it were easy, there wouldn't be so many breakups and divorces.

Now back to the OP's question. It wouldn't hurt to try to contact someone again. You never know, nothing ventured, nothing gained. Just don't invest too much time in it, and don't be surprised if you get the same result as before.
 jr123567
Joined: 2/15/2009
Msg: 25 (view)
 
Would it be wise for men to take intelligence into account?
Posted: 4/28/2010 8:27:13 AM

I would advise him to find someone of like intelligence. Looks fade but dumb lasts forever. How do you pursue interests for the rest of your life that your partner either does not appreciate or understand. It would get boring very quickly.


Agree. To me, "like intelligence" does not mean being able to discuss particle physics in particular. That's an issue of shared interests and education rather than IQ (although granted it takes a good IQ to understand that topic. )

I do want someone intelligent, well-read and able to converse on interesting topics that we have in common. That doesn't require an advanced degree, but it does take someone with smarts and an innate curiosity to learn new things.

I do think men tend to go more for looks at first with a woman, but remember that the physical part of things is only one part of the time you spend together. You still need to be able to talk to that person over dinner, at least. Plus, what if something happens to her looks? What if she has an illness that causes her to gain or lose weight? Or an accident that disfigures her? And all of us grow older, too. You still need to love the person who is inside.
 jr123567
Joined: 2/15/2009
Msg: 70 (view)
 
Letting down a young man IRL with too big an age difference -any point to it?
Posted: 4/27/2010 8:22:34 PM

Well, that's my point. You can't change what other people want to do, but you can change what you want to do.


No you can't. You can't change what you "want". You can only change what you "get". And if what you can "get" won't make you happy, then you won't want it.

 jr123567
Joined: 2/15/2009
Msg: 67 (view)
 
Letting down a young man IRL with too big an age difference -any point to it?
Posted: 4/27/2010 6:50:55 AM
Abelian, I was referring to simple mathematics. If many older men/younger women are dating each other, that leaves a lot of older women/younger men left over. And yes, of course you're correct that if a lot of the older women/younger men want to date each other, that could solve the demographic problem. But that's the rub, the word "want". Probably most of the older women (such as the OP) don't want to date the younger guys, for good reason, because they believe the younger guys only want something physical or short-term. And most women of any age don't want that.
 jr123567
Joined: 2/15/2009
Msg: 63 (view)
 
Letting down a young man IRL with too big an age difference -any point to it?
Posted: 4/26/2010 9:43:53 PM
You know, =jinx=, just between you and me, wouldn't life be so much easier if more men would date women in their own age group (OMG shocking concept! ). Then you, and many other 40+ women might be happily going to the gym with their nice, age-appropriate boyfriend and wouldn't have to worry about fighting off cougar-hunters. Or is that too logical?
 jr123567
Joined: 2/15/2009
Msg: 26 (view)
 
4 Small Moves That Score Big!!!
Posted: 4/26/2010 9:17:27 PM
I can't see why on earth I would drag a man shopping with me, if he wouldn't enjoy it. I just can't understand it when women do that. Shopping is "me time" or "hang out with girlfriends" time.

And I don't feel any need to get several texts per day; one phone call will do just fine, assuming it's someone I don't see every day. My coworker gets several phone calls and texts daily from his wife, for no reason at all. He told me it got to the point where it interfered with his work, and he had to tell her to cut back. Good grief! I'm all for feeling close and connected to someone, but it just seems a bit insecure to call/text numerous times a day to the person you already live with.
 jr123567
Joined: 2/15/2009
Msg: 15 (view)
 
do you keep your options open when you are exclusively with someone
Posted: 3/29/2010 8:01:31 PM

Ladies, do you keep your options open when exclusively with someone? please be honest. Do you talk to other guys on the phone / go out to bars and give your number.


In an exclusive relationship? Nope.

Sadly, though, I know of people who have done this. I wouldn't call it "keeping options open". I'd call it having one foot out the door. This is done by people who don't have the guts to end a failing relationship. They just line up the next person and jump straight from one to the other.
 jr123567
Joined: 2/15/2009
Msg: 63 (view)
 
Why (I think) it hasn't worked for me.
Posted: 3/29/2010 8:41:50 AM
lol...."wrath"..that was cute, thanks sca344.

No, I'm not taking it too seriously at all -I totally agree with you, sca344. I like the way you put it, and I feel the same way. And maybe stashes was trying to say the same thing, but it came out very differently and more negative. Sure, a casual and relaxed no-pressure attitude is good. But I guess there's a line between that, and coming across as cavalier or uninterested, which could turn off potential dates. Does that make sense?
 jr123567
Joined: 2/15/2009
Msg: 61 (view)
 
Why (I think) it hasn't worked for me.
Posted: 3/28/2010 2:59:18 PM

I mean I am here because of those moments during the day when I've nothing better to do and browsing through profiles and sending a few mails is my idea of fun.


Yeah, I get it, all right, Stashes. To sum up what you said: you don't want a relationship, you can easily get women elsewhere, and you are on here to relieve boredom and boost your ego. And you wonder why women are not responding to you on this site? How many women actually want a guy who fits your description? By now, every woman knows not to waste time with a guy who's "not that into you", right? We want to be wanted.
 jr123567
Joined: 2/15/2009
Msg: 53 (view)
 
Why (I think) it hasn't worked for me.
Posted: 3/26/2010 2:04:29 PM

I tend to message only the most attractive girls on POF also. However, I don't do this because I want to be rejected. I do this because every girlfriend I've had is as or more attractive than these girls. There s an inherent issue with the girls on POF and I've said this down through the years. It doesn't put me off all that much because I'm only here for a bit of fun. I can pull a woman no probs so when I have 10 emails unread/deleted/unreplied I couldn't really give a flying f**k.


Stashes: sure, it makes sense to me (at first) that you are looking for women who are similar levels of attractiveness as previous girlfriends. You logically conclude those are the women who are in your league, and then you become frustrated that these women don't reply to you.

But here's the thing. While your approach seems 100 percent logical, you also admit it's not working. Maybe there is some reason that you used to be able to attract beautiful girlfriends, and you don't any longer. Or maybe you still are able to attract beautiful girlfriends, but they don't want to stay with you.

Whatever the case, it doesn't do any good to get angry and bitter about it. Women on POF don't have "inherent issues". This site has so many members that, statistically, it is probably a pretty representative sample of the single population at large. If your approach isn't working, then try something else. In any case, if you can "pull a woman no probs" as you say, why are you even on here?
 jr123567
Joined: 2/15/2009
Msg: 276 (view)
 
Is intelligence a key characteristic for you?
Posted: 3/22/2010 7:58:05 PM


I'll take someone that keeps their innocent fascination, humility, and modesty than any egocentric blowhard with the biggest brain on earth.


It's not like those are the only choices available. Intelligence and kindness are not mutually exclusive qualities. Both are important to me. We're all individuals and should be judged individually. And just wondering, would you consider Albert Einstein or Stephen Hawking to be egocentric blowhards?
 jr123567
Joined: 2/15/2009
Msg: 35 (view)
 
Men who date until 45 then get married for kids in a flash
Posted: 3/22/2010 1:17:25 PM
I totally understand that certain careers such as medicine, law, military and a few others might require massive amounts of hours or travel. And other jobs have unusual work schedules that interfere with a social life. I had the latter, in my case. I worked a lot of nights and weekends and it was very difficult to socialize. So I chose to change jobs, and as soon as I freed up my nights and weekends, I got dates. I realize not everyone is in a position to make choices like that. But if you can, it's something to consider. If you want that badly to find a mate and start a family, it won't happen by magic. You have to make the time to be available for it.
 jr123567
Joined: 2/15/2009
Msg: 33 (view)
 
Men who date until 45 then get married for kids in a flash
Posted: 3/22/2010 11:26:52 AM

By the time I looked up from all that, I was hitting 40. I had spent a good decade dating older women or single soccer moms - and even living with one for 5 yrs, before I knew it probably wasn't for me. I enjoyed the family life, but I wanted my own


Selkirk - you spent your prime marriage/family-making years choosing to date women who, by your own admission, didn't fill the bill. In other words, you made choices that helped you avoid commitment. Be honest with yourself about that. I guess I have more sympathy for the person who spent their younger years honestly trying to date suitable partners and didn't happen to find one.
 jr123567
Joined: 2/15/2009
Msg: 6 (view)
 
I need help dressing myself.
Posted: 3/20/2010 1:05:28 PM
Airhead25 has it right. The retail employees are there to help you, and frankly it should be easy for them since you are tall and thin, which means you have a model build and should be able to wear clothes really well. Plus yeah, you could find a date out of it too. But please lose the profile pic of you with a toilet.
 jr123567
Joined: 2/15/2009
Msg: 43 (view)
 
Why (I think) it hasn't worked for me.
Posted: 3/20/2010 12:49:51 PM

now you're making assumtions. you have no idea as to my financial status but you are infering that i would need to be rich powerful or famous in order to find someone on pof. although this would not surprise me


Sorry, I shouldn't have presumed anything about you, I apologize.

And do you need to be famous, rich or powerful to get a date on pof or anywhere else? No, of course you don't. That is not what I am saying. My point is, if you are seeking much younger, very attractive women, the odds are against you. You may rightly feel that you offer yourself as a human being of substance and experience, but people go with what they're attracted to. I don't think it's earth-shattering news that, quite often, when a young gorgeous woman is with a much older man, it's usually a man with money, fame or power. It's not as if I'm the first person to notice that.
 jr123567
Joined: 2/15/2009
Msg: 41 (view)
 
Why (I think) it hasn't worked for me.
Posted: 3/19/2010 9:55:01 AM
Cybury, again you are generalizing. To say that all women only like badboys and bums during their childbearing years? Ridiculous. Just look around you...there are plenty of nice women married to, and having families with, nice men.

Your challenge lies in your dating goals. I realize you feel "robbed" but sometimes life doesn't work out the way we want. I have many friends over 40 (male and female) who had hoped to have children but it didn't happen for various reasons. They feel disappointed but they've made their peace with it.

I'm not criticizing you for wanting to have a family, just pointing out that, at your age, you are drastically reducing your dating odds, because you are looking for:
a) a woman young enough to have babies, which means she's probably more than 10 years younger;
b) very attractive
c) chooses you over the numerous hot young guys in her own age group, even though you are (I presume) not famous, rich or powerful - I mean no offense here, just saying you have to look at your competition

Not saying it can't happen - just that you might need to recognize the odds are against you and to be more realistic, instead of getting angry and bitter and blaming women for your situation.
 jr123567
Joined: 2/15/2009
Msg: 40 (view)
 
Why (I think) it hasn't worked for me.
Posted: 3/18/2010 2:11:29 PM

women who are in your own league still read/delete you as they still look outside of what their league is. fact is that super model or not they all still want their sexy sixpac sporting tattooed badboy and won't "Settle" for anything less.


cybury, you're in my age group...and personally I can say I long ago outgrew the badboy phase. I couldn't care less if someone has tattoos or a sixpack either. Yes, some people (a few) on this site are unrealistic, shallow or stupid as far as what they want. Most are not. I have met really nice people. Stop reducing everybody to stereotypes and maybe you will have a better experience.
 jr123567
Joined: 2/15/2009
Msg: 39 (view)
 
Why (I think) it hasn't worked for me.
Posted: 3/18/2010 8:02:13 AM

For every one message I send, I skip through a hundred photos. I look for only the exceptionally attractive girls (that is, the ones at least 2.5 leagues above me).


Well, there's your answer right there. Theseus, you seem like an intelligent, interesting guy. Use your head (the one above your shoulders ) and contact women who are in your own league. You're a nice looking guy, so "in your own league" would still be very attractive girls. If you're just whining that you don't get responses from hot supermodel types, it's hard to have sympathy for you.

Look around at the really happy couples out there; most of them are people who have similar levels of attractiveness to each other. There have been studies to confirm this.
 jr123567
Joined: 2/15/2009
Msg: 22 (view)
 
What exactly is so attractive about being physically active?
Posted: 3/16/2010 9:23:08 PM
OP, maybe you equate "physically active" with "over-competitive sports junkie". However, it's not the same thing. I don't care about sports but I'm physically active. I can dance for hours, I like long walks, I go to the gym, etc. It doesn't dominate my life, it just keeps me healthy and energetic, that's all. I think there can be a good balance between intellectual pursuits and physical activities.
 jr123567
Joined: 2/15/2009
Msg: 12 (view)
 
how can i break off a year and a half
Posted: 3/15/2010 11:43:11 AM
Get out now, before she takes you down with her. And please, please talk to a doctor or therapist for advice on how to handle this. You could maybe also try a suicide prevention hotline or mental health hotline. And for future, get your own head straightened out so that you are able to date and fall in love with a healthy, well-adjusted woman who is capable of making you happy. Best of luck to you.
 jr123567
Joined: 2/15/2009
Msg: 2 (view)
 
K, am I missing something?
Posted: 3/2/2010 8:27:01 PM
Wake up dude, she's telling you that she thinks you're attractive and she wants to know if you are attracted to her as well. "Dating" generally assumes the hope of something romantic happening, doesn't it? If you're not attracted to this woman and will never want anything physical or romantic with her, you need to tell her nicely that you just want to be friends. And if you only want "just friends" and no romance from anyone at all, you should state "friends" on your profile, I think.
 jr123567
Joined: 2/15/2009
Msg: 12 (view)
 
What's the best way to test the women you think you're interested in?
Posted: 2/24/2010 6:50:49 PM

She's manipulative
She's not your type
You view her as a challenge
You don't know where you stand with her
You've lied
You're considering "testing" her
Ummm ... sorry, what's the point?

Would you be mad if you found out that your man lied to see if you were actually into him or just using him?
I'm annoyed when ANYONE lies to me. I hate it and it's wrong.

A relationship built on lies and stupid games and "tests" is no relationship at all.


Morth74 is spot on here. Sadly, some people take a long time to learn this, and some never do. I know my share of people who actually married someone because they found the "games" and the "challenge" intriguing - at first. Years later, they're either miserably married or else divorced and bitter. Don't let it happen to you.
 jr123567
Joined: 2/15/2009
Msg: 32 (view)
 
At Our Age Do You Date to Date or Find a Mate?
Posted: 2/18/2010 11:31:05 AM

Some, the thin ones in "little black dresses", eagerly suggest perhaps a glass of wine "in a little bistro" where wine goes $45 to $375 a bottle, plus food, or some place where meals go $95 per person, plus $55 per person wine service charge, plus coffee, plus dessert, plus 20% gratuity, plus taxes.

Yesterday, I had a lovely hour and half long conversation in a Barnes and Noble bookstore coffee bar with a quite attractive 29 yo woman, at the end of which she said she hoped to see me again.
Was it a "date"? Not really. But I spent a $1.75 for coffee, and got to look at her red hair, blue eyes and warm smile as we chatted. If I were a counting man, that's less than two pennies a minute, lots and lots and lots less than $375 for a bottle of wine.


Gee thanks, WaywardWynde, for reducing dates to monetary transactions. No one held a gun to your head to date women who insist on expensive restaurants anyway. Most women, including those over 45, are perfectly fine with a simple coffee date for a first meeting. If a woman suggests otherwise, you can easily choose not to date her. Problem solved.
 jr123567
Joined: 2/15/2009
Msg: 12 (view)
 
pride or control??
Posted: 2/7/2010 8:56:18 AM
I agree with fishhooked...your profile says you want "friends" but your description clearly talks about dating. You are in NO position to date. Something is very wrong here.
 jr123567
Joined: 2/15/2009
Msg: 18 (view)
 
Question for Jewish girls about dating non-Jewish/non-caucasian men
Posted: 2/6/2010 12:28:12 PM
I am guessing the reason Jewish women tend to show up in your searches, is because (as your profile says) you are looking for someone intelligent and educated. Speaking as a Jewish woman I can say that in our families, that's very important - we are encouraged to get college degrees and become professionals - so a lot of the Jewish women might be more educated.

At your age (28) you could probably find a Jewish woman who would date you, if she's not very observant. You'd have to ask her that. But getting into a serious relationship/marriage/children with a Jewish woman, that could be difficult, if she wants to observe her faith. Remember that if a Jewish woman has children, the children are automatically considered Jewish under Jewish law, so it would make for some heavy discussion if you got involved on a serious level. At an older age (past the age of having/wanting children) this is less of an issue. Personally I am not very observant and have no problem dating men of all faiths as long as we respect each other's beliefs.
 jr123567
Joined: 2/15/2009
Msg: 35 (view)
 
Why do we date the same person...just in a different package?
Posted: 2/1/2010 7:52:21 AM
Shadowette,

You're only 21 and a lot of people (male and female) in their youth go through a "bad boy" or "bad girl" stage where they are not attracted to good and caring people. Hopefully you'll grow out of that and realize that it is possible for a person to be kind and loving, and sexy and exciting, all in one package. My frustration at my age, is that I'm long past the phase of wanting bad boys - I want a good guy, but many of those good guys have been burned and scarred by horrible marriages to the bad girls. It's sad.
 jr123567
Joined: 2/15/2009
Msg: 15 (view)
 
Am I right
Posted: 1/30/2010 3:07:24 PM
Ask your friends for her number, then call her and explain that you got her number that way. Then ask her out. That's what my last boyfriend did.
 jr123567
Joined: 2/15/2009
Msg: 33 (view)
 
Headphones
Posted: 1/28/2010 10:44:16 AM
My Sennheiser PX100's are a great pair of inexpensive headphones that use with my iPod. Plus, they fold up, too. And true, I can hear things in my headphones that I might miss when using speakers. Still, I think too much headphone use is possibly harmful..especially at the volumes that I like to listen to music.
 jr123567
Joined: 2/15/2009
Msg: 6 (view)
 
What is your take on this?
Posted: 1/27/2010 1:42:39 PM
If you want dates, I think it's best to avoid wearing a ring of any kind on your left ring finger. Even if it's not gold, and not a diamond, it still could be a marriage or engagement ring, how is someone else supposed to know?

I wonder about this with men, too. Occasionally I see a guy wearing a class ring on his left ring finger. Even though it's obviously a school ring with the insignia, for all I know, maybe he wears it as a wedding ring because he met his wife in school or something.
 jr123567
Joined: 2/15/2009
Msg: 5 (view)
 
EVENTS IN BUCKS COUNTY, PA
Posted: 1/26/2010 7:37:06 PM
Well, I have to put in a plug for Doylestown, it's a great town with lots to do, an indie movie theater, live music venues, a couple good places to dance, etc.
 jr123567
Joined: 2/15/2009
Msg: 15 (view)
 
How are guys simular, and how are we different?
Posted: 1/26/2010 1:48:23 PM
Hi Silent,

I wasn't sure what you are trying to ask...were you really trying to get at, what would make a woman be interested in you, instead going for some other guy? That can't be generalized. Everyone is unique in their own way and not everyone likes the same thing. Many times I've met a woman's boyfriend or husband and couldn't understand what she saw in him...and probably sometimes my friends felt the same way about someone I dated.

The one thing I can say is, be your authentic self. Don't make yourself intentionally bland because you think it will appeal to more people.
 jr123567
Joined: 2/15/2009
Msg: 9 (view)
 
Where else do i meet women!
Posted: 1/25/2010 3:14:35 PM

My uncle used to tell my terminally single cousin to hang around hardware stores. Good men hang out at hardware stores. She's now married, and they met at Home Deopt picking out paint for their new houses!


Too bad that doesn't work in my area. Sure, there are lots of guys at Home Depot....but they're all married and are shopping there to finish the home project their wife asked them to do.
 jr123567
Joined: 2/15/2009
Msg: 15 (view)
 
Reading mens profiles
Posted: 1/25/2010 7:49:25 AM
I wonder about this too. I guess it depends on the guy. When a guy makes a big deal about his fitness, I never know if he's simply trying to make himself sound as appealing as possible, or it it's code for wanting to find himself a young hottie, or if it means he only likes thin women, or what.

Keep in mind, "thin" and "fit" are not the same things. I'm very active and energetic, work out or dance six times a week, don't eat junk food, am in perfect health, resting pulse of 60, and not fat. But my figure is the soft, feminine Marilyn type, no matter what I do, so I will never have the lean, hard body that some guys want in a woman. You can't always tell that someone works out, or is fit, just by looking at body type.
 jr123567
Joined: 2/15/2009
Msg: 19 (view)
 
Guys, would you object if your GF did ballroom or salsa dance as a hobby?
Posted: 1/22/2010 1:14:24 PM

I don't really see how they equate either but I nor do I think that it should be a big deal if a man enjoys to go to a strip bar with his friends. He probably stands less chances of cheating with a stripper than you do with one of your partners.

The dancing would probably equate more to your guy teaching yoga sessions or something of the sort.


I don't see a big deal if my guy either visits a strip club or teaches yoga and I agree. My question came about because of the way dancing is viewed in the bar scene and as portrayed in movies, as always being a prelude to romance or getting picked up. I felt I needed to explain that, when dance is a serious hobby, it's an artistic interest, not a romantic one and that hopefully a guy should therefore not feel threatened or jealous if his girlfriend does it.
 jr123567
Joined: 2/15/2009
Msg: 15 (view)
 
Guys, would you object if your GF did ballroom or salsa dance as a hobby?
Posted: 1/22/2010 12:36:41 PM
so, true, commonsensible...and if we weren't on opposite coasts I'd ask you to save me a dance.

And StuVaBch, wow, I don't know what to say. Dancing platonically with friends (at events that my s/o is welcome to attend if he wants to) is a whole universe different from a guy going to a strip bar, getting drunk and ogling/getting aroused by nearly naked women. I don't see how the two equate. In any case, I realize there are some people who insist their s/o spend seven nights a week with them and not have outside hobbies. I'm not one of those people.

As for your brother, StuVaBch, we already know that the odds are stacked against men in online dating, while they face very favorable chances at ballroom dancing, since there are usually many extra ladies. Plus, if the guy is handsome and a good dancer, the women are likely to feel "swept off their feet". Whereas, a good female dancer can be intimidating to some of the guys. So, a single woman at a ballroom dance has the odds against her if she's hoping to find a date.
 
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