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 Author Thread: Note To Self.....Actions Speak Loader Then Words!!!
 zig02
Joined: 1/1/2006
Msg: 23 (view)
 
Note To Self.....Actions Speak Loader Then Words!!!
Posted: 12/17/2006 1:06:18 PM
^^^^^ I gather that feeling like a boiled chicken is a good thing..
 zig02
Joined: 1/1/2006
Msg: 10 (view)
 
butterfly effect
Posted: 12/2/2006 3:20:04 PM
"No spark" is the polite way of saying, I'm not interested in you and I don't want a long discussion about why I've come to that conclusion...
 zig02
Joined: 1/1/2006
Msg: 35 (view)
 
why i won't have sex
Posted: 12/1/2006 6:03:44 PM
Actually I think the danger for some women (well maybe younger women) is that they have sex and suddenly they feel "love" for the man. The sex stirs up, or creates, these powerful emotions that are not reciprocated. It stirs up tenderness, for lack of a better word, and that is why some women are hurt when they never see the man again.

Anyway, there is sex and there's sex - if you're the touchy feely type there are plenty of things to do without having sex.. There's also something to be said for enjoying the anticipation...
 zig02
Joined: 1/1/2006
Msg: 12 (view)
 
Can we become too spoiled from being single too long?
Posted: 12/1/2006 5:43:34 PM
I have to hope that bucsgirl's response is correct - that when you meet the right person, that person brings out the best in you and you're happy to reciprocate (a word she used in a previous thread..) - to do things for him and for him to do things for you..

I do think that there's such a thing as being single too long, which is as bad as not having ever been single...
 zig02
Joined: 1/1/2006
Msg: 28 (view)
 
Any tips on how to stop your ex coming into your thoughts!
Posted: 11/29/2006 6:30:35 PM
I think that you have to make sure to get enough sleep, because if you're really tired then you seem to have less control over your thoughts. So like the person above said, take sleeping pills if you have to, do whatever it takes to get a good night's sleep.

I think all the suggestions above are good, but to me the main thing is: everyone has a different way of dealing with stress and soothing himself or herself, and although it's good to get suggestions, to me the most important thing is to really think deeply about what soothes you, and then do it. Treat yourself very, very well.
 zig02
Joined: 1/1/2006
Msg: 8 (view)
 
Help for the relationship stupid (this guy).
Posted: 11/29/2006 5:58:34 PM
I won't give you any advice, but for what it's worth I read your profile and I think you sound like a great guy - you strike me as being articulate and funny. Good luck!
 zig02
Joined: 1/1/2006
Msg: 28 (view)
 
A little advice here...
Posted: 11/29/2006 5:33:08 PM
It's good to approach online dating with a healthy dose of skepticism...with the information you have about him I think most women here would give him a pass. Problems with honesty early on are a bad sign!
 zig02
Joined: 1/1/2006
Msg: 657 (view)
 
who pays for dinner?
Posted: 11/28/2006 6:17:51 PM
This isn't my favourite thread, but in my opinion it's the most intriguing thread on POF. A sociologist could write a dissertation on this thread...to me, most of what defines North America is in this thread.
 zig02
Joined: 1/1/2006
Msg: 7 (view)
 
Long story, I'm not sure what to make out of this all
Posted: 11/28/2006 6:08:40 PM
Listen to the wise cougar..
 zig02
Joined: 1/1/2006
Msg: 16 (view)
 
Christmas 2006
Posted: 11/28/2006 5:43:16 PM
Who the fox, I think the subject is romantic Christmas get-a-ways in the U.S., but I'm ignoring that too. I have memories of many happy Christmases in Florida - fun Christmas barbeque with barbequed turkey and some, um, unusual salads ("Broken Glass" salad with jello squares comes to mind)...beautiful uncrowded beaches, day trips to Miami, Butterfly World in Pompano Beach, a real five-and-dime store...amazing Christmas lights (and the wonderful tackiness of a nativity scene, Santa Claus and reindeer, and toy soldiers all on a lawn together) and of course the tallest Christmas tree in the world outside the National Enquirer building in Lantana...
 zig02
Joined: 1/1/2006
Msg: 22 (view)
 
...I did it...
Posted: 11/28/2006 4:48:32 PM
Funny thread...
 zig02
Joined: 1/1/2006
Msg: 10 (view)
 
Glass is half empty attitude?
Posted: 11/28/2006 1:50:01 PM
If you've been speaking English since you were 10 (you're 30 now), I don't think English is the problem. I agree with the others that there's a big gap between optimists and pessimists - I think the different viewpoints can be interesting, but it doesn't make for harmony! I think she can change if she agrees there's a problem, but she may not see the problem...you may be together forever, but you will be known as the Bickersons...
 zig02
Joined: 1/1/2006
Msg: 16 (view)
 
The Real Problem With Men (or at least me)
Posted: 11/19/2006 1:36:29 PM
I think you tend to notice what you don't have rather than what you have, and so many women who have not been burnt badly by men (that includes me, by the way) tend to go for someone who makes life a bit more exciting than someone who is "nice" (no reason of course why you can't be both).

However, if you speak to any woman who's been burnt, "nice" (or "honest" or "truthful") tends to move way up the list...
 zig02
Joined: 1/1/2006
Msg: 5 (view)
 
So, why aren't you dating anyone?
Posted: 11/13/2006 2:47:01 PM
OP, I think 22 is too young an age to feel defensive at family reunions..I think the family members who ask you that are bored, and are hoping for some vicarious thrills, and are just teasing you (teasing is the way many people get their kicks at family reunions). I agree with the other posters that I would probably say something so outrageous that the questioning would be stopped immediately...
 zig02
Joined: 1/1/2006
Msg: 7 (view)
 
Here is a new one for you
Posted: 11/13/2006 2:24:52 PM
I think it goes without saying that you have to find out a lot more about her. But hey, you're 48, no children, maybe you'll decide that you want to take on the responsibilities of a baby, once you get to know the mother better.

Although to me this illustrates the lunacy of failing to mention something important before meeting, maybe you'll decide she's worth it. However, maybe you and she were in the honeymoon phase of your relationship, and now reality is beginning to assert itself..
 zig02
Joined: 1/1/2006
Msg: 50 (view)
 
How do YOU handle rejection?
Posted: 11/7/2006 6:25:13 PM
I think it's kinder not to send a rejection e-mail. It sounds as if some people are genuinely hurt by receipt of an e-mail saying that someone isn't interested, no matter for what reason.
 zig02
Joined: 1/1/2006
Msg: 3 (view)
 
why do some people continue to lie
Posted: 11/7/2006 6:02:08 PM
You're in this relationship but you're looking for a long term relationship on POF? Why DO people continue to lie?
 zig02
Joined: 1/1/2006
Msg: 9 (view)
 
I don't get it!
Posted: 11/7/2006 5:48:11 PM
You don't make your life sound very attractive, but none of us know if that's the real story, or if it's a one-sided story due to frustration. I think it's worth it to at least try to fix it before you walk out. You just have to figure out how to do it.
 zig02
Joined: 1/1/2006
Msg: 47 (view)
 
Eastern women v Western Women
Posted: 11/7/2006 4:57:29 PM
When I think of the difference between North America and Europe (including Eastern Europe), most of the differences I see stem from the fact that European countries are old, whereas North American countries are not. I think that if I had grown up in a country that had a cultural tradition (and a more cohesive culture), role models (historical figures) that aren't movie stars or athletes, traditions (regarding relationships between men and women, but also about so many other things), beautiful buildings, art, etc. etc. I would be quite different.
 zig02
Joined: 1/1/2006
Msg: 25 (view)
 
Dating someone who hasn't found themselves yet?
Posted: 11/5/2006 5:26:02 PM
Verygreeneyez, I agree that a journey of self is free, but chances are that if you have kids to put through University and a mortgage to pay, it's not going to happen - you don't have the time or money to do it. You said you gave up all those things only to realize that you didn't have to - but most people don't have that choice.

I heard a radio program a few years ago on Thanksgiving, in which teenagers were thanking their parents for everything they had done for them. Most of these teenagers, male and female, mentioned that they now hoped that their mothers would get a life! Their mothers didn't have a life (I'm summarizing here - "life" meaning hopes, dreams, plans, careers and so on) because they had spent most of their time taking care of the house and kids. It's possible that even if you're broke and working 2 jobs and raising kids that you still manage a journey of the self, but it's far less likely.
 zig02
Joined: 1/1/2006
Msg: 5 (view)
 
Is Bad Experience better than no/little experience?
Posted: 11/5/2006 4:39:31 PM
Well anyone who jumps out of his/her little pond is going to have inevitable disappointments, and you've got to learn to get over them, so bring them on! But if someone makes choices over and over again that lead to disappointment, I can see that no experience may be preferable..
 zig02
Joined: 1/1/2006
Msg: 24 (view)
 
Is marriage the leading cause of divorce?
Posted: 11/5/2006 4:15:54 PM
^^^^^Good reply, although I think the comment in an earlier post about the lack of extended family support was a good one too. And definitely higher expectations and a sense of entitlement to happiness..

I think we're already at the point where two marriages is considered acceptable, a "starter" marriage and then a second marriage..
 zig02
Joined: 1/1/2006
Msg: 61 (view)
 
What if the love of your life has genital herpes?
Posted: 11/5/2006 4:04:20 PM
I really like Speranza's reply too...in fact I'm going to copy it, because I think it applies to a lot of people who air their dilemmas in these forums...
 zig02
Joined: 1/1/2006
Msg: 12 (view)
 
MEN and WOMEN as roomates
Posted: 11/5/2006 3:43:57 PM
Maybe your answer to this question depends on your age...
 zig02
Joined: 1/1/2006
Msg: 40 (view)
 
Do men cry at chick flicks?
Posted: 11/5/2006 3:33:25 PM
Do chicks cry at chick flicks? If it's made in Hollywood, chances are it will have a wonderful ending...and no matter what trouble the chicks are having, they do seem to live in the nicest houses and apartments. And have great clothes...
 zig02
Joined: 1/1/2006
Msg: 17 (view)
 
Dating someone who hasn't found themselves yet?
Posted: 11/5/2006 2:52:30 PM
To me this issue of "finding yourself" is very important, and this is the first time I've seen it raised on POF! (I may have raised it in a few private e-mails, the ones I didn't get a response to! )

In a way it's a self-indulgent issue, because it wouldn't come up if you didn't have enough money to explore different ways of life, or at least contemplate it.

To me, people are fundamentally doers or observers, and the doers don't worry about finding themselves. The observers do things, of course, but they are aware of the world around them and realize that they could be living twenty different lives if they wanted to. The possibilities swirl around them and they are in a constant state of disequilibrium and flux. Juliette Binoche in "Chocalat" was like that - when the north winds blew in a certain way, she knew it was time to move on....

And I agree that this can wreak havoc in a relationship. But I think that usually the signs are pretty obvious, and people choose to ignore them, at their peril...

 zig02
Joined: 1/1/2006
Msg: 39 (view)
 
Does ignoring a guy really get his attention?
Posted: 10/26/2006 4:18:42 PM
So all those guys who complain about not getting answers to their e-mails have it all wrong...the women are interested...they're just showing their interest by not responding..
 zig02
Joined: 1/1/2006
Msg: 2 (view)
 
CHEATER WEBSITES - DO THEY WORK?
Posted: 10/23/2006 3:18:00 PM
^^^ Enejowot, your profile says you're looking for a relationship with no drama...that may be the deal breaker..
 zig02
Joined: 1/1/2006
Msg: 5 (view)
 
I like banter
Posted: 10/22/2006 4:21:36 PM
^^^That seems a bit unfair - they were saying what they're attracted to, which is fair enough, and I think most women would find it refreshing that they are attracted to women who are good talkers!
 zig02
Joined: 1/1/2006
Msg: 4 (view)
 
I like banter
Posted: 10/22/2006 3:20:40 PM
The best banter is with a witty person and it's true, there aren't many around who are genuinely witty. Almost all the witty people I've met in my life live in the UK or are from there. I attribute it to the pub culture where you're expected to entertain people you're sitting with. Naturally the alcohol helps but I think it's more the high standard of conversation that's expected.

We have so many valuable things in North America but a high standard of conversation (or wit) is not one of them. Our biggest concern is that we not say anything that's arrogant or politically incorrect. This has its virtues but it does result in a lot of bland, dumbed down conversation! In my view, the most potent subjects for humour are politics, religion and sex, but if you're following the party line on any of these subjects and don't have an original thought of your own, you're not going to have a lot of witty things to say. I don't think that there were a lot of great political jokes in Communist China, for example.

Another thing I blame is the lame level of humour or wit on television. Sarcasm is not the highest form of humour, yet it seems to be what most kids, and the TV they watch, aspire to.
 zig02
Joined: 1/1/2006
Msg: 17 (view)
 
Book suggestions...
Posted: 10/19/2006 4:46:17 PM
Growing rich - now really, isn't that better than getting a date?
 zig02
Joined: 1/1/2006
Msg: 2 (view)
 
Reciprocity, what place does it have in your relationships?
Posted: 10/19/2006 4:16:44 PM
The men I date never exchange recipes with me..
 zig02
Joined: 1/1/2006
Msg: 14 (view)
 
Need some input here to help a friend out!!
Posted: 10/19/2006 4:13:24 PM
If anyone's gathering stories for the 2006 POF end of year review, please include this one..
 zig02
Joined: 1/1/2006
Msg: 20 (view)
 
WHAT WOULD YOU DO? WHAT WOULD YOU DO!
Posted: 10/19/2006 3:23:47 PM
The posters so far certainly have taken the "nice guys finish last" threads to heart..guess this is what happens when you read too many of them...
 zig02
Joined: 1/1/2006
Msg: 34 (view)
 
Has anyone here given up or thinking about it?
Posted: 10/18/2006 4:35:05 PM
I think that it's necessary to take a break from POF for a while every so often. You'll know when it's time to leave and when it's time to come back. Finding a partner shouldn't be work! You have to do it with a light heart.
 zig02
Joined: 1/1/2006
Msg: 7 (view)
 
Book suggestions...
Posted: 10/18/2006 3:36:51 PM
Jesselia, I don't think that Jarbarian was laughing at you at all. He was making the point that books give you food for thought (as professional counsellors do) - which is fair enough. The other side is that reading is no substitute for deep self-examination and relying on intuition. Both sides have a point...
 zig02
Joined: 1/1/2006
Msg: 50 (view)
 
Saying Goodnight :)
Posted: 10/18/2006 3:27:40 PM
Depends on who's making the call. In my experience, the two men I know who insisted on daily telephone calls were the hardest to talk to (the routine was more important to them than the content of the calls). The men I enjoyed talking to every day certainly didn't insist on a call. So I don't think it's strange for a woman or man to protest about getting or making calls every day. Let them call when they want to call, and you call when you want to call!
 zig02
Joined: 1/1/2006
Msg: 32 (view)
 
I am a moron...(flirting problem)
Posted: 10/17/2006 4:38:47 PM
Post an ad on Craigslist, I think it's called "Random Connections"..
 zig02
Joined: 1/1/2006
Msg: 17 (view)
 
multiple people
Posted: 10/15/2006 5:06:34 PM
I suspect this thread is a joke but it was entertaining nonetheless... I think many of us would like to have this problem...
 zig02
Joined: 1/1/2006
Msg: 20 (view)
 
Why did you divorce/split?
Posted: 10/10/2006 6:00:18 PM
"When couples realize sex is not the "icing on the cake" or some reward or something couples do on special occasions but is a vital, indispensable, absolutely crucial component of a romantic relationship then I believe many more relationships will endure".

OP, you're right, that passion may be the reason couples come together, but isn't the point that the passion/infatuation can't by its very nature last, and then other things intervene? People who are from countries where marriages are often arranged say that it's the "love marriages" that die most quickly. I think that marriages have a greater chance of lasting in a society where divorce is taboo - it's got nothing to do with sex. Just think about our parents' marriages - many of them were no better than what people have described in this thread, but couples stayed together.
 zig02
Joined: 1/1/2006
Msg: 28 (view)
 
she wont let me kiss her
Posted: 10/10/2006 5:38:03 PM
Your profile says you're living in China. Are you dating a Chinese woman?
 zig02
Joined: 1/1/2006
Msg: 24 (view)
 
Older daters
Posted: 10/10/2006 4:05:17 PM
Of course we're more set in our ways, and more sure about what we want, then we were in our twenties or thirties. But that's also why, when I talk to someone in his or her 40s or older, I usually feel that there's a real person there, a real personality, which isn't always there with a younger person. And we're less flighty, which is the flip side of being "set in your ways".

I think men are afraid of hooking up with a "matronly" (for lack of a better word) woman, and if your profile doesn't have anything light and flirtatious in it, then there's a fear that you are a middle aged woman who isn't interested in sex. And there is the visual element - I think that a woman of average weight looks far more attractive to men, it's really more important than if you're conventionally pretty or beautiful.

POF isn't the be-all and end-all. There are a lot of single older men out there (I happen to practise family law and many of my clients are or will soon be single!) I don't think that any one who is the least bit discriminating or discerning can rely on a free internet site to find the mate of his or her dreams. The best that POF can offer is that you may meet someone who you ordinarily wouldn't run across in daily life. But there's no substitute for having a life and for getting out there and meeting people face to face...
 zig02
Joined: 1/1/2006
Msg: 21 (view)
 
Did you get the $300 warranty, when you buy your pc?
Posted: 10/10/2006 3:38:53 PM
I bought a Dell laptop when I went back to school (fall of 2004) and the extended warranty was a great investment. I used my computer for many hours a day and by now practically everything has been replaced.

I was a bit surprised when I was told I had agreed in the contract that I would participate in trouble shooting to find out what the problem was (do know what's in my computer now ) but the extended warranty saved me money and aggro.
 zig02
Joined: 1/1/2006
Msg: 2 (view)
 
when you see people from this site around the city.
Posted: 10/9/2006 5:18:33 PM
I (reluctantly) posted a picture for a few days, and was in a crowded bus when a man walked in and did a double take on seeing me, and wouldn't stop staring at me for the entire (long) bus ride...I hadn't won any lottery or committed any crimes, so I assumed that he recognized me from this site. I don't consider myself a private person, and I don't get rattled too easily, but that incident made me feel uncomfortable and I took the picture down. I was surprised at how exposed I felt. During those few days I also got some one-liner messages from men I had no interest in - it just made my POF experience less fun.
 zig02
Joined: 1/1/2006
Msg: 21 (view)
 
Gave up on this............
Posted: 10/4/2006 5:36:56 PM
A neurologist who wrangles kangaroos in his spare time!
 zig02
Joined: 1/1/2006
Msg: 17 (view)
 
Gave up on this............
Posted: 10/3/2006 3:59:09 PM
Don't be too hard on this guy, maybe some donkey in Florida just flopped itself down beside a bottle of beer and someone happened to have a camera on hand..

Well I think you should wait a couple of months, then contact any woman in Canada and invite her down to Tampa for a coffee or lunch, you'll have a 96% success rate (I made some allowance for the fact that, inexplicably, winter is the favourite season of 4% of the Canadian population)..
 zig02
Joined: 1/1/2006
Msg: 18 (view)
 
Why, why, why...
Posted: 9/30/2006 2:42:56 PM
I have a "why, why, why" question. I haven't been on the site much in recent weeks so perhaps this has been covered to death, but why are people writing testimonials when they haven't actually even met the person they're writing about??? I'm supposed to write a testimonial about someone just by reading their comments in the Forums???
 zig02
Joined: 1/1/2006
Msg: 41 (view)
 
How do you cope with rejection?
Posted: 9/30/2006 1:37:44 PM
I really believe that you can teach yourself to handle rejection. If you're hard wired to feel rejection, there's not much you can do about that - but if you prepare yourself for the possibility ahead of time, it's not that bad. Give yourself 24 hours to get over it and it usually goes away quickly. Or else join that large group of people who never risk anything...
 zig02
Joined: 1/1/2006
Msg: 22 (view)
 
What is up with Men?????
Posted: 9/21/2006 5:04:08 PM
Someone used to post in answer to this kind of question - internet dating is not for the faint hearted, especially a free site where anyone can post a profile. That does seem to answer a lot of these questions - I think you have to be a bit skeptical about people until you get to know them..
 zig02
Joined: 1/1/2006
Msg: 4 (view)
 
How do you cope with rejection?
Posted: 9/21/2006 4:52:39 PM
Your profile sounds like you're in the old dilapidated sailboat with a leak in the bottom...
 
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