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 Author Thread: I saw a text message in my boyfriends cellphone
 Out_of_the_Ash
Joined: 3/1/2009
Msg: 57 (view)
 
I saw a text message in my boyfriends cellphone
Posted: 3/5/2014 11:48:44 PM

Even if a guy was 100% sure the girl is "the one" I can almost guarantee he'd tell his friends "likely not" if they asked.


Exactly. Men don't "gush". Certainly not to their friends.
 Out_of_the_Ash
Joined: 3/1/2009
Msg: 19 (view)
 
this guy started messaging me the day after a girl dumped him
Posted: 8/6/2013 7:35:43 PM
I know we all have to guard our hearts but not all rebounds end badly.

If he liked you for a long time already...
How long was he with this girl? Longer than he knew you? You can't just make a snap judgment based on whatever is convenient. Everyone is different, heals differently. Maybe the girl he was dating could tell he wasn't all that into her but into you, yet he never made a move. Doesn't sound like a bad person to me.

Spend some time with him (if you like him enough to), don't assume you know anything about his relationship with the girl he was with before he got dumped. He could be one of those people who can't break up with someone so waits til they break up with them by being less emotionally available.

Don't talk about his ex (or at least don't be the one to bring it up, leave that up to him if he does), that will make him think about her too much and he needs to get his mind off her, even if he is happy to be broken up with her. It would just be annoying.

Don't label him a liar or a user automatically, that is the death knell for potential.
 Out_of_the_Ash
Joined: 3/1/2009
Msg: 51 (view)
 
Managing Political Views in Couples/Relationships
Posted: 8/1/2013 6:04:21 PM
I can't be with someone who leans differently than I do, because those who lean opposite of myself are the types who would interfere with a woman's reproductive choice, and those are NOT the types of people I want anything to do with, certainly not if they are to be my best friend = spouse.
 Out_of_the_Ash
Joined: 3/1/2009
Msg: 163 (view)
 
Trusting a man on POF...
Posted: 7/2/2013 2:01:02 PM
Maybe he's wondering why you are online, too.

Thing about sites like Facebook, etc, is a lot of the time it can show someone as online when in fact, they are not. If somebody uses the internet on their mobile or even Xbox, and don't log out, it can show them as online.

Chill out.
 Out_of_the_Ash
Joined: 3/1/2009
Msg: 85 (view)
 
My girlfriend told me the best sex she's ever had was with a past lover
Posted: 6/29/2013 9:27:53 PM
This topic is, like, four years old, yo.
 Out_of_the_Ash
Joined: 3/1/2009
Msg: 49 (view)
 
Ex is getting married, and he never told us
Posted: 6/25/2013 8:43:03 PM

PS - Your posts come across as incredibly nasty and spiteful toward your ex


Yeah being the victim of domestic abuse is NO reason to feel any resentment at all for the ex.

I do agree it isn't good for the daughter, and while we have no idea what she says around her child, the kid will pick up on the vibrations for sure.
 Out_of_the_Ash
Joined: 3/1/2009
Msg: 48 (view)
 
Ex is getting married, and he never told us
Posted: 6/25/2013 8:26:39 PM
Has her father ever yelled at her or was it mostly you?

Parents will yell at their kids when they do something wrong but if she is afraid to talk to her father based on the relationship interaction he had with you, you need to explain to your daughter that a man can be a great father but not a great husband and that just because you two were incompatible doesn't mean that she doesn't have the right to speak up to him.
 Out_of_the_Ash
Joined: 3/1/2009
Msg: 20 (view)
 
Same crap different day
Posted: 6/25/2013 7:45:11 PM

the second night we were texting up to 3.30 am in the morning


Thanks for clarifying which AM you were talking about.
 Out_of_the_Ash
Joined: 3/1/2009
Msg: 28 (view)
 
Now what?
Posted: 6/25/2013 7:21:22 PM
It could be anxiety/stress related. That is often the case with low libidos in men.
 Out_of_the_Ash
Joined: 3/1/2009
Msg: 20 (view)
 
What do German girls think about Indian guys....
Posted: 6/25/2013 7:00:48 PM
Living in a multicultural city, I've had some uncomfortable situations with all kinds of folks, and the one thing I notice the most about East Indian men who did not grow up here is their inability to take no for an answer, they think white girls are easy and are really arrogant when they don't get their way.

Of course not all of them are like that but I am sure if you google what Indian men think of white women, you'll see I am not making this up.
 Out_of_the_Ash
Joined: 3/1/2009
Msg: 18 (view)
 
If you say you want a relationship than mean that!!!
Posted: 6/25/2013 6:53:17 PM
So are you finding out they want a one night "relationship" after you sleep with them?

Stop sleeping with them if you are looking for a relationship. Lots of guys won't see you as girlfriend material if you are easy.
 Out_of_the_Ash
Joined: 3/1/2009
Msg: 11 (view)
 
Don't get it!
Posted: 6/25/2013 6:50:26 PM
There was a thread here where the OP was in the same situation that you were, and wasn't sure if they were going to show up... but they ended up going and the guy showed up and they had a great time.

I would go. Even if they don't show up, you can at least enjoy a drink or appy.
 Out_of_the_Ash
Joined: 3/1/2009
Msg: 7 (view)
 
Continuing to chat after their holiday?
Posted: 6/25/2013 6:30:31 PM

so what you're saying then is that either your phone call really wasn't all that memorable anyway, or you think she's stupid and that it's your job to try keeping her sufficiently focused so that you'll get the attention you have already grown to expect when she gets back. "noice".


You're my favourite.
 Out_of_the_Ash
Joined: 3/1/2009
Msg: 68 (view)
 
How do I stop being extremely Jealous and overly insecure?
Posted: 6/25/2013 6:25:38 PM
I don't know why, and I know I am in the minority here, but I gave my boyfriend my passwords to my accounts to maintain trust since we're long distance (I didn't ask him nor do I expect him to return the favour), plus I find the idea of him going through my stuff as a turn on... it's one of my kinks.

Alas, he trusts me so much he's never utilized them.
 Out_of_the_Ash
Joined: 3/1/2009
Msg: 39 (view)
 
Why don't some guys get it when you say 'I only see you as a friend'?
Posted: 6/25/2013 6:05:30 PM

I got the whole "you're not being a nice girl" lecture from a friend when I rejected another man's overtures.


What the....?
That's doing my head in. So you're not allowed to be selective, and you're not a nice girl because you're not jumping every time a guy wants to bang you?
 Out_of_the_Ash
Joined: 3/1/2009
Msg: 22 (view)
 
You'll find someone when you stop looking
Posted: 6/24/2013 12:57:08 AM
Cuz when we give each other the googly eyes, we all creep each other out.
 Out_of_the_Ash
Joined: 3/1/2009
Msg: 24 (view)
 
How can I ask if we can 'go back to (her) place'?
Posted: 6/24/2013 12:51:08 AM
"i'm gonna be intentionally vague here and let you fill in the details after you've thought about it. ready?? here it comes......

she knows you want to have sex with her. "

Here, have some cheese.
 Out_of_the_Ash
Joined: 3/1/2009
Msg: 11 (view)
 
Asked me out then kept rescheduling ...
Posted: 6/24/2013 12:31:38 AM
I'd drop him.

If anything it seems like IgorFrankenstein likely has it right. If this man is so wishy washy and unapologetic about meeting you right now, can you imagine dating the guy or even being exclusive with someone who isn't straightforward and who makes you second guess your situation?
 Out_of_the_Ash
Joined: 3/1/2009
Msg: 56 (view)
 
Will he change?
Posted: 6/23/2013 2:47:21 PM
You won't realize just how much they are passive aggressive (or not) until you end up living with them, and then they can let loose. Of course they won't show it straight up when they are hoping to trap you first.
 Out_of_the_Ash
Joined: 3/1/2009
Msg: 45 (view)
 
Will he change?
Posted: 6/21/2013 10:06:17 PM
Sounds like classic passive aggressive behavior that may very well be a disorder he grew into from his childhood, and why his wife left him for greener pastures. All you need to know is if his father or mother was a push and pull type of man/woman. He got it from somewhere.

Run. Just run.

EDIT: google "the passive aggressive man".
 Out_of_the_Ash
Joined: 3/1/2009
Msg: 26 (view)
 
Sex with Moms friend okay? I think she is a cougar.
Posted: 6/16/2013 4:04:57 PM
A woman under 40 or 5o who goes for younger men is a puma (cougar in training).

Maybe you can ask her to reinact Stifler's Mom scenes from American Pie series.
 Out_of_the_Ash
Joined: 3/1/2009
Msg: 61 (view)
 
No strings with a twist.
Posted: 6/6/2013 8:43:15 PM
What are you doing looking through her things, anyway?
 Out_of_the_Ash
Joined: 3/1/2009
Msg: 47 (view)
 
First Date Exit Strategy
Posted: 5/31/2013 5:15:35 AM
OutMind is awesome.
 Out_of_the_Ash
Joined: 3/1/2009
Msg: 53 (view)
 
Passive-aggressive humor?
Posted: 5/31/2013 4:05:12 AM
I'm not sure you understand what passive aggressive really means. Take it from somebody who had the misfortune of living with somebody who was afflicted with this problem.

I see him as being playful.

And you come off as the passive aggressive one... PA is about being a control freak. You're being a control freak and not giving the poor sod a chance to even meet you.

People can come off a lot differently online than in person. I met a lot of people in person who I totally click with and are great friends with but their online personality grates me.
 Out_of_the_Ash
Joined: 3/1/2009
Msg: 37 (view)
 
Insensitive or just trying to help?
Posted: 3/26/2013 6:21:25 PM
He sounds like a control freak and he is slowly conditioning you to weaken to his will.

Now it's your hair or teeth, soon it will be what you are allowed to wear, where you're allowed to go and who you are allowed to see, until you're locked in his proverbial trunk.

Get out now.
 Out_of_the_Ash
Joined: 3/1/2009
Msg: 49 (view)
 
Does long distance relationship work?
Posted: 3/3/2013 7:23:27 PM
Zestyguy, if you are in an LDR and it sucks, why don't you get out of it? Obviously it's not for you.
You're not even stating it in your profile.
 Out_of_the_Ash
Joined: 3/1/2009
Msg: 89 (view)
 
Torn need advice
Posted: 2/16/2013 3:46:35 PM
I think the problem is that a lot of people here believe they are thinking about what is best for the son based off their own personal emotions. Having your kid taken far away from you is sad, it will suck not having them around, yeah, but it's not the end of the world.

Kids are not as fragile as people think they are. So long as your son knows you love him and you can visit, I don't see the problem. It's the initial shock that needs to wear off and you need to let your ex chill for a bit and talk to a lawyer. Mind you then they will need a lawyer and your ex might get peeved off at the prospect of paying bills for a lawyer, but if she is ignoring your calls, she is getting what's coming unless she wises up.

She can either answer your calls and arrange a less expensive agreement instead of having the lawyers bill you both for every phone call, email and letter they make.

EDIT: If your exes new husband is a stand-up man as you say, maybe you should go to him to talk about things, maybe he is more stable and rational.
 Out_of_the_Ash
Joined: 3/1/2009
Msg: 19 (view)
 
Does long distance relationship work?
Posted: 2/16/2013 2:46:16 PM
I think it depends on the people involved.

Is it a relationship you want, or is it THEM you want, and you have the patience to wait for however long... or if you are more independent and don't mind living apart and have Skype to depend on most of the time.

As for end dates, in this economy it is not always possible. In fact depending on distance it can be impossible for visits, as well. I am in an LDR of a year and a half now, He's in England while I am on the west coast of Canada, I have known him for 8 years prior, we trust each other and don't see ourselves looking elsewhere as we made our choice and are in it for the long haul.

The amount of trust you have helps. For me, I trust him more than anyone else, certainly more than any ex I had... and they were all local.
 Out_of_the_Ash
Joined: 3/1/2009
Msg: 10 (view)
 
mentor issues.
Posted: 2/6/2013 12:35:19 AM
"This is not your hunting grounds, its a dating site for genuine people seeking a mate."

You think so, relaxingwithyou? There are as many freaks and wolves on here as anywhere else. Most users here are looking for a lay, not anything long term. At least poly communities are more honest about what they are looking for.

I don't think it's fair to kick someone or vote to delete this thread just because it's something that people think is silly or uncomfortable with.

Also look up the difference between polyamory and swingers. Calling one the other is disrespectful, as those two groups tend to have a lot of conflict and do not associate nor want to be associated with one another.

That said, if the OP has not heard of collarme.com, I think they might benefit more from posting such a question there.
 Out_of_the_Ash
Joined: 3/1/2009
Msg: 8 (view)
 
mentor issues.
Posted: 2/6/2013 12:11:49 AM
He found somebody who can stay locked in his trunk for longer than you.

Be honest with yourself. Polyamory is a fickle relationship style. Are you really that surprised? He has a primary. You're not it.
 Out_of_the_Ash
Joined: 3/1/2009
Msg: 45 (view)
 
Would you take in in your ex in a time of need?
Posted: 2/2/2013 4:18:28 PM
I don't think so. I don't have kids, though, so that obligatory lesson is not really an issue here.

Also, depending on which ex and whether or not I trusted them to share a studio basement suite with me... well, still that's a no. I would not even consider it for the most recent ex. Even there was like, a natural disaster and he came to my doorstep looking tattered, I still would not.

I have my boyfriend to think about anyway. I would ask him first if he was ok with it since we're long distance and maintaining trust is very important to us.
 Out_of_the_Ash
Joined: 3/1/2009
Msg: 24 (view)
 
How long in a relationship before you lay everything on the table?
Posted: 1/13/2013 6:57:02 PM
Gah.

The only time I have ever shared such vital information is in my current relationship. It is long distance, with someone who is my best friend and since we are both afraid of being hurt again after our previous relationships, I thought the best way to maintain the trust we have was to give him my passwords to my emails and other online accounts. I did this without expectations or demands that he return the favour, because that's just demented and manipulative.

He has never used them. I would know if he did, as I would get some sort of alert for it.

I have given him "the whole nine yards" out of my own volition, and am all the happier for it. But that's just me...

I would not think your situation is healthy at all. It was not your idea to give that information, she obviously OBVIOUSLY!!! does NOT trust you, and without trust, there is no relationship.

If she can't trust you, can you really trust her? She clearly doesn't trust herself (trust is something that is often projected). Why should you??
 Out_of_the_Ash
Joined: 3/1/2009
Msg: 42 (view)
 
I m still confused with my ex's decision
Posted: 12/8/2012 11:37:26 AM
Dangit, Steve. I just noticed the original date to this post. *facepalm*
 Out_of_the_Ash
Joined: 3/1/2009
Msg: 41 (view)
 
I m still confused with my ex's decision
Posted: 12/8/2012 11:25:16 AM
He was trying to make his life better by bringing someone else into it. A lot like how some people have babies to fix a relationship. It just doesn't happen that way and everyone will be dragged down.

NO MAN should make you feel this way.

You are such a caring person with a big heart and you are clearly a very devoted wife. Don't let that one man take that away from you. One day you will find someone who will treat you as well as you treat them. Just be picky and take your time to heal from this so you have a clearer heart and mind when you dive back into the dating pool.

I know there are a lot of Canadian men here who would love to have somebody like you. Don't overlook the Caucasians if you find an attraction ;)

Love and strength to you :)
 Out_of_the_Ash
Joined: 3/1/2009
Msg: 31 (view)
 
She wants to wear a tux and be a groomsman at the wedding!!!
Posted: 12/2/2012 9:37:41 PM
Sounds like it's the groom who wants her to stand by HIS side which would mean she would wear the tux, anyway. Let it go and mind your own business.
 Out_of_the_Ash
Joined: 3/1/2009
Msg: 30 (view)
 
Its the holiday season and it seems like girlfriend is leaving me out of them what to do?
Posted: 11/25/2012 9:18:57 PM
Haha, busteeeddd...
 Out_of_the_Ash
Joined: 3/1/2009
Msg: 55 (view)
 
how do i tell him to leave me alone?
Posted: 11/23/2012 5:12:47 PM
I feel ya, but not because I went out on dates with anyone but because I seem to attract the occasional weirdo.

One particular one was somebody who I could really not avoid at one point since they were a panhandler sitting right outside a particular establishment I would either walk past or shop at. Me being the type of person who is kind to most people, especially in this neighbourhood, would talk with this person and help them out whenever I could.

About a year and a half ago after being accustomed to just stopping to talk to them in a friendly manner, one day after he asked the usual "what is new with you", I beamed and said I was in a relationship now.

His demeanor got weird immediately and after that, looked away from me and spitted out "well I wish the best for you, blah blah blah" and because of the fact that it is long distance he never saw me with him by my side, he had to ask me where he was etc and of course I was honest about it.

Well of course he scoffed at it and disrespected my relationship by chuckling and calling it an "internet relationship".

Then, if I hadn't been "around" for even a few days he would accusingly ask "where have you been?" with a very angry look I did not like but I would just respond apathetically that, well... I'd been busy and I don't always walk by there and take transit instead.

As though I owed him some sort of explanation in the first place.

It got tot he point where he would follow me into a store and demand to know where I had been and even had the audacity, after I was inching my way out of the conversation with him to go home where I had a friend waiting for me, he assumed it was my boyfriend and said "tell your "friend" he has competition" and went on to tell me he really liked me and alla this crap that was clearly just that. Crap.

I told him to NOT try to "pursue" me in any way because that is when I get mean. Well he was just like "Oh, I am not pursuing, I am just gonna wait right here for you" and when I just started to leave I heard him say "I love you!" and when I turned around he pretended to be talking to the sky or some dumb shit.

I decided to just ignore his ass after that, as I did not want anything to do with him. Every time I would pass by, even 9 months later, he would be like "Why you mad at me??? HEY!!" or "I still don't know why you're mad at me!"

What the hell. I did not want to talk to him and explain anything to him at all since I already warned him, but he didn't get it.

Plus I did not want to just end up talking to him and telling him what exactly he did wrong since it meant I would have to bother talking to him in the first place, and since he is some street rat who admitted to being a drug addict in the past and in jail a few times, I am not sure what he is capable of, so I did the whole ignore tactic, which sometimes I wonder if I shoulda said something or not... but was just too afraid of him following me home or something.
 Out_of_the_Ash
Joined: 3/1/2009
Msg: 68 (view)
 
Does ANYONE out there actually fantasize about the person they're with?
Posted: 11/19/2012 1:09:57 PM
All the time.
I don't like fantasizing about anybody else but him. It would make me sick.

My exes, though, I never really did fantasize about. It was too depressing... probably because, looking back, the relationships were not very healthy.

My man is a scorpio, too, and he really knows how to get me going.
 Out_of_the_Ash
Joined: 3/1/2009
Msg: 28 (view)
 
Can I get some advice on a situation I am having with my girlfiend?
Posted: 11/12/2012 2:51:23 PM
Yes you did the right thing.

She's clearly troubled enough to be dabbling like that, and with a criminal? Wow. Let her have at it.
 Out_of_the_Ash
Joined: 3/1/2009
Msg: 27 (view)
 
Not wanting to have kids??
Posted: 11/10/2012 12:33:55 PM
and the "you're either cut for it or not" is complete nonsense. Kids are not a whole lot of hassle. Its tough to screw it up.


LOL. What a crock.

Easy enough for a guy to say. A huge portion of the time, about 90% of the responsibility is given to the mother, what with the dealing with pregnancy and breastfeeding parts... the dad gets to come home from work and be the big goofy buddy to the kids... and stay at home dads are rare and not given near enough reverence.

I am certainly not cut out for it. I know I would be a bad parent. I don't want the responsibility that goes with it, I like my sleep and my lifestyle. Kids would just get in the way, like they do even with parents that are happy to have them. Mothers often don't want sex as much as their hormones are now for coddling the baby and their desire is gone... and can cause a lot of resentment on the man's part, even if he isn't going to say or acknowledge it. And heaven forbid a woman claim she ever even occasionally wishes she didn't have a kid for even a moment, making her a horrible mother.

Pfft. Let's be real. Sure, they can be cute, I love my niece to pieces but I am so glad I don't have my own.
I'd rather give all my affections to my man and my low-maintenance pet. With a kid, you can't just put them down and do your own thing. It can take two seconds for them to crawl from one end of the room to the other and fall down some stairs or bump their heads if you don't child proof your home, and the amount of sleep my brother and sister in law were getting was next to none.

Forget it.

EDIT:


so there's no shame in keeping a strong aversion to spawning successfully as a secret, forever- --- not something to tell the urchins during grad.


So you're saying that having kids just to pacify the partner is OK even if you never wanted them, but just keep your damn mouth shut.

No. Just no.

You must be one hell of a lazy, apathetic parent.
 Out_of_the_Ash
Joined: 3/1/2009
Msg: 5 (view)
 
Is it possible to turn moodiness and irritability into a positive?
Posted: 10/12/2012 3:15:36 PM
Yoga should help with your mood.

Or do you feel as though that is some "quack" method as well? If anything, you'll at least get to see some tight buns during class. Not that I advocate being the only reason to go, or any reason to go...
 Out_of_the_Ash
Joined: 3/1/2009
Msg: 43 (view)
 
Dating a guy who's far better looking
Posted: 10/4/2012 6:13:46 PM
CaptainA.D, I think I found your problem... in your profile it says you are into breading turtles.

They're better sprinkled with Cajun seasoning and sauteed briefly before adding them to your Jambalaya.
 Out_of_the_Ash
Joined: 3/1/2009
Msg: 4 (view)
 
Should I confess to cheating in the first 2 weeks of relationship?
Posted: 10/2/2012 8:25:34 PM
Egads.

Yeah you should tell him. And next time remember that what you put into a relationship in the beginning especially is what will make it grow, or wilt.

Why would you sleep with your room mate? Why don't you just have your room mate as a f*ckbuddy or boyfriend instead if you want him that bad.
 Out_of_the_Ash
Joined: 3/1/2009
Msg: 24 (view)
 
Just made plans to meet and user deleted her account ??
Posted: 9/30/2012 1:14:10 AM
Maybe it's some sign of respect for the date, or something.

A little different from the usual way people seem to go about things on this forum from what I read, but nothing to be concerned about.
 Out_of_the_Ash
Joined: 3/1/2009
Msg: 28 (view)
 
withdrawal into the man cave or over?
Posted: 9/1/2012 5:24:26 PM
Man, I wish MY boyfriend lived only an hour away.
 Out_of_the_Ash
Joined: 3/1/2009
Msg: 19 (view)
 
Ever Gone to a POF Event Even Though You Might Encounter...
Posted: 8/30/2012 6:17:50 PM
Wow, looks like those who rejected you dodged a bullet.
 Out_of_the_Ash
Joined: 3/1/2009
Msg: 22 (view)
 
Attracting the wrong women
Posted: 8/28/2012 7:23:25 PM
Might as well start with "I am the second most richest man in the world". As a pick up line.

Didn't work out for that bloke, just sayin'.
 Out_of_the_Ash
Joined: 3/1/2009
Msg: 15 (view)
 
How would you respond? Am I finally POF paranoid?
Posted: 8/26/2012 3:14:08 PM
Not sure how I would react to that.

Most of me thinks I would just****my eyebrow and delete/ignore. Depending on my mood, though, I could have any number of responses, also depending on the rest of their profile if I feel like looking.

That is irksome, though, regardless if they have a picture in their profile or not. As unfair as it might sound I would probably use their pictures as inspiration for how I feel and then respond accordingly.
 Out_of_the_Ash
Joined: 3/1/2009
Msg: 28 (view)
 
What is a demanding woman?
Posted: 8/24/2012 2:21:30 PM
OP, your profile says you are not into drama but it seems you very much are.

Usually those who claim they don't like drama have personalities that make people overreact, what with the "over" bluntness and being a self-proclaimed smartass.

Just sayin'.
 Out_of_the_Ash
Joined: 3/1/2009
Msg: 26 (view)
 
Are relationships with some distance involved worth pursuing?
Posted: 8/23/2012 9:55:57 PM
I am pursuing it, and it is much longer than 2 hours away.

You are lucky. 2 hours is a cake walk.
 
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