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 Author Thread: What are things you see in dating profiles that will make you sadly skip past them?
 Tarnished_Knight
Joined: 3/5/2009
Msg: 82 (view)
 
What are things you see in dating profiles that will make you sadly skip past them?
Posted: 2/8/2019 11:00:24 AM
Oh, and forgot a big one:

If she reminds me of mother.
 Tarnished_Knight
Joined: 3/5/2009
Msg: 81 (view)
 
What are things you see in dating profiles that will make you sadly skip past them?
Posted: 2/8/2019 10:56:51 AM
Miss Shirley wrote:
Hmmm....."sadly skip past them?" Key word being "sadly".

Good looking man who appears to be fit with appealing expression/eyes but:
Is more than 5 years younger than I cause I don't want to be the older woman he gets tired of,
Is non-religious,
Is very short,
Very short relationships,
Pre-teen children who visit or live with him,
Does drugs,
Separated,
I consider myself as below 'their league',
No real 'About Me' section,
Heavily into personal physical sports cause I'm not although I'd like to get back to the gym on a regular basis,
"Prefers not to say".

Am I too particular?


not at all!
I have pretty much the same reservations.
I look for a smile - good grief, that first photo is the first thing a guy sees and if you're snarlin'...?
The "about me" section: that's your narrative - if all you want me to know about you can fit in one, two lines. How vacant is your life; or, your ability to communicate would bore me.
Here in Montana I've seen more than a few profiles where the woman is doing naught but fishing/hunting - it might be nice to know they have a more traditional feminine side (I'm not lookin' to date a guy).

A narrative that is negative in tone, or a list of what she doesn't want, or a list of all the bad types of blokes she's met; sheesh.
 Tarnished_Knight
Joined: 3/5/2009
Msg: 225 (view)
 
Why do older Men think like they are teenagers. Wanting to know about Sex first?
Posted: 7/1/2017 5:21:30 PM
For me, personally, becoming emotionally and spiritually intimate with a woman is a prerequisite to becoming physically intimate - that is, those behaviors we typically consider sex (BJ Clinton aside). While I can fantasize about a wham bam thank you ma'am, in reality it ain't gonna happen.

That said, a relationship w/o the sex is just a friendship. While that may be sufficient (and fulfilling) for some it ain't what I'm looking for - been there, burned the t-shirt. But I'm not gonna start out questioning a woman about her sexual desires and preferences too soon in a nascent relationship; much can be inferred from how the woman dresses, talks, interacts, expresses herself to get an idea of where her thoughts are concerning physical intimacy; and vice-versa.

As for those days when the sex in gone?, well, keeping one's weight down (especially men) and exercising are the best predictors of physical abilities later in life - barring those times when illness or disability interfere. Even then, should the hydraulics begin to fail, for the male, there are still ways for a sexually experimental couple to enjoy each other, beyond the usual tab m into slot f position, which can be mutually satisfying.

As for why men seem to focus so much energy into this aspect of coupling: for most men it is just a matter of biology - it is the way we are wired. Our need for the relational aspects is fulfilled differently than how women are generally fulfilled. It is being aware of those differences that can either heighten a relationship or destroy it. Again, something I has a bit more than a passing familiarity.

TK
Blessings, Y'all
 Tarnished_Knight
Joined: 3/5/2009
Msg: 14 (view)
 
What Does Love Feel like?
Posted: 1/14/2017 12:12:45 PM
OP, aka bob the builder,

in a word: sacrifice.

When what you want takes a back seat to what she wants.
The same emotion presents itself with children - you are willing to sacrifice, even your life, for the well being of and for the one you love.

How that sacrifice presents itself varies from type of relationship to type of relationship. Obviously, there will be other emotions/desires surrounding the relationship you have with this (or another) woman than those you would or should have for your children - eros, intimacy, etc.

The danger I, and others, have discovered, and sad to say run into, is that when these feelings of sacrifice are not returned. Generally, my experience has been, the most/more successful relationships are those in which there is some measure of reciprocal sacrifice. This doesn't mean reciprocal sacrifice is equal sacrifice or even the same sacrifice: there are meaningful differences differences in what is important in relationship between men and woman, just as there are meaningful similarities.

Take a look at Ephesians 5, verses 21 to the end and note the differences mentioned there. A book I've read that expands on that section is "Love and Respect," that discusses sacrificial love in light of the general differences between men and women. Yes, these are references to a Biblical viewpoint and may not be everyone's pint of smooth refreshment.

Anyway, those are my thoughts: having once been married longer than you've been alive they may mave some merit.

I wish you well,

TK
 Tarnished_Knight
Joined: 3/5/2009
Msg: 40 (view)
 
don't blink, he'll come so fast
Posted: 7/27/2016 6:04:56 PM
To the original poster:

Since you're Catholic I'll phrase my answer in terms of Christian faith. In Jeremiah 29:11 God makes a promise to the exiled nation of Israel that He has plans for them and He will fulfill their longings. people take that verse by itself, which is partially wrong. Read the half dozen verses leading up to the promise and the bit after. God first commands Israel to live as if they were living in the land they were promised and be a blessing to those around them; even though they are in exile. So, from that I would counsel live your life to the blessing of those around you and trust that God has your best interest(s) in store.

At the same time, scripture also commands us to pray, talk to God with conviction. Align your will with His and ask boldly. And when you pray for rain don't leave your umbrella behind. I think of this as active faith: Yes, God can part the red sea supernaturally but He also works in our daily lives through our actions. [No, I'm not a fan of prosperity gospel thinking.]

So, I would say that sitting on the sidelines waiting for a supernatural presentation of a partner could happen, but you're more likely to find/get what you're looking for if you actively put your best foot forward while living YOUR life as a blessing to yourself and those around you.

TK
 Tarnished_Knight
Joined: 3/5/2009
Msg: 88 (view)
 
Ladies, would you want a stay-at-home boyfriend?
Posted: 7/15/2016 11:17:12 PM
Hearton64,

you and your man are blessed. May it be ever so.
And you're right: LOVE, and respect, wins!

TK
 Tarnished_Knight
Joined: 3/5/2009
Msg: 16 (view)
 
Ladies, would you want a stay-at-home boyfriend?
Posted: 7/12/2016 11:08:52 PM
I was a stay-at-home dad/husband for, like, forever; and before it gets said didn't ask son's mom to do anything - I was there to support her in her career (and put mine out on the line to air) and took care of both sides of the traditional male and female roles around the house. Our marriage / partnership failed for much of what I read above. shame.

I think sun_flower had something important to add.

Me: I'm starting to see why so many of my peers are still single and having trouble finding compatible partners.

TK
 Tarnished_Knight
Joined: 3/5/2009
Msg: 8 (view)
 
how do you like it?
Posted: 5/19/2016 9:37:23 PM

I was speaking from memories only.


Oh Lordy, know what you mean: I was asked to comment on a slice of "better than sex" cake a while ago, I had to demur and explain that it had been so long that even the few memories I have I don't trust.
 Tarnished_Knight
Joined: 3/5/2009
Msg: 15 (view)
 
Inquisitive or ignorant? Inquiring about a person's physical anomaly/defect.
Posted: 5/17/2016 8:40:57 PM
Personally, I find referring to a woman with small breasts as "afflicted" as offensive to ME. That's like saying a woman with a small butt is 'afflicted,' too. Frankly, being an observer of people generally and women specifically, most adults, and far too many youth, are obese or nearly so. Their large boobs and butts being a response to the amount of food they shovel in day after day.
Additionally, this fascination with large breasts and enormous behinds seems to me to be a response to the average person having a girth beyond what is healthy - we, as a people, are trying to justify our enormous appetites.

The lady I was married to for ages wore a AA cup bra when we met, and I think there was still room within, and may have approached a small A cup by the time we called it quits. She was NOT afflicted, she was small. There are plenty of men, OP, who will and do appreciate a smaller woman - now in your youth and later when the larger women need major support and you are still close to the perky position.

TK
 Tarnished_Knight
Joined: 3/5/2009
Msg: 55 (view)
 
A man and his car...
Posted: 4/8/2016 9:45:26 AM
I have two vehicles (well, technically, 3 - I own the minivan son drives, insurance reasons): a 15/16 yo Dodge Lamb 4wd quadcab (Dakota for those who don't get the joke - ram :: lamb) and a 1 yo MX-5 (Miata). I am a little, and a lot, of both and I say so in my heading.

Both are fun, in their own ways, inexpensive and paid for. The Miata is my personality. It was also an outward expression of throwing off the shackles of a controlling woman. I am also aware of and love the image of an older gentleman in a little red sport car so much I named her "Cliche." My match is the woman who envisions herself next to me, top down, hair blown all-a-mess, and lovin' it. Bonus points if she sees herself in the left seat, caressing the stick through some mountain switchbacks. Yes, I'll be watching how gently, firmly, and in control she manipulates that particular stick. [um, just got a little flushed as I wrote that last line!]

TK, out for some mountain driving myself this weekend, top down when appropriate.
 Tarnished_Knight
Joined: 3/5/2009
Msg: 30 (view)
 
60 Is The New 40
Posted: 4/6/2016 12:58:03 PM
Well, I for one, do not feel like 40; on the other hand, if I had known pushing 60 was like this I wouldn't have bad mouthed it so much. Breezed through 40, didn't slow down for 50, hit a speed bump around 52, and then got back on my horse. Picked up a little red sport car at 57 with a 6-speed stick and plan on motoring for a while - preferably not alone. Still working on that.

Am I the same man, physically and mentally, as I was at 40? Not by a long shot. But I am also amazed most mornings by how good I feel. I thank God for that blessing and pray more can feel the same.

TK
 Tarnished_Knight
Joined: 3/5/2009
Msg: 57 (view)
 
Being unrealistic about age of potential dates?
Posted: 4/6/2016 12:51:42 PM
I had a dinner date a month or so ago - not a good match on the fundamentals - and afterwards she tried to fix me up with a friend of hers. Her friend reminded me of mom - I AM NOT ready to go there. As a previous poster mentioned we can do things to hide, mask, or ameliorate our chronological age. Some things are gonna happen anyway - I've got a bum knee from work and play an d it ain't gonna git better w/o being replaced. But, I can keep my weight down, color the grey if needed or desired, and, in general, not look or act like I'm ready for a rockin' chair.

TK
 Tarnished_Knight
Joined: 3/5/2009
Msg: 73 (view)
 
Dating political opposites
Posted: 3/1/2016 7:14:54 PM
Spent a weekend 'couch-surfing' with an Airbnb host who is a Marxist Bernie supporter.

I had thoughts of not waking up in the AM.

2nd day she was working the night shift - I was gone shortly after day break.

Seriously, I bring this up in that even had she been "my type" this was a political difference that all the physical attraction in the world would have been unable to overcome.

TK
 Tarnished_Knight
Joined: 3/5/2009
Msg: 82 (view)
 
Nipples or No Nipples, That is the Question
Posted: 3/1/2016 7:08:21 PM
nnKathy:

Glad to hear you're well; your spirits sound solid, and I like the attitude.
The ink? To each their own -- go fer it!

nnKathy, It's interesting that I happened upon this post today. I remember the original posting and had to go back and see if I contributed; nada. Anyway, it made sufficient impression on me that this issue has cropped up in my thoughts over the past several years as I ponder dating, this WONDERFUL age we are, and that I know more and more friends and acquaintances passing on. Parents dying just brings it closer to home.

That said: I'm a nipples guy - I LIKE nipples. I like the way they look when they become punctuation through a graphic t-shirt; I like the way they look with out covers; I like the way they feel; I like the way the feel changes. Nipple are fun.
I like nipples.

BUT, if the lady I go weak in the knees for has to lose to save her life or she is w/o them when we meet -- I can assure you my days of liking nipples will be over. I would rather walk into old(er) age holding a warm hand than say goodbye and bury a hand that's gone cold.

I hope the next man in your life enjoys your cherry blossom tats!

TK
 Tarnished_Knight
Joined: 3/5/2009
Msg: 57 (view)
 
Dating political opposites
Posted: 2/22/2016 9:55:30 PM
(All) life is politics - just reread many of these comments and you'll see that political considerations, not just about who one would vote fer or agin, subsume much if not most of our daily lives.

As for me, I've commented before, it comes down to practical considerations: if I am united with a woman I don't want OUR resources going to support activities I know are immoral or harmful to others generally. I have no desire to agree on everything completely - but the foundations have to be of a common material to be in harmony.

TK
 Tarnished_Knight
Joined: 3/5/2009
Msg: 17 (view)
 
Dating With Deficits
Posted: 2/15/2016 4:47:29 PM
Techno, Rap, AND Country
Sayeth bamagrl68:
So, if someone was a big fan of any of those 3 genre's, that would be a test of my ability to compromise, my patience, for sure.


probably also be a good candidate for counseling.
Just sayin'

TK

Good thang she didn't include bluegrass!
 Tarnished_Knight
Joined: 3/5/2009
Msg: 22 (view)
 
someone with a terminal illness
Posted: 2/12/2016 11:10:02 PM
As I bump up agin the 60 yo ceiling, I've taken to asking some interesting questions: this one is not too dissimilar from some thoughts that have been rattlin around.
Would I?
Date a woman who was terminal in a month - that's an inane question, if she was a woman I was close to I would be there for comfort, not dating.
A year? depends on the illness; but my gut feeling is probably not in that my understanding is that an illness with that near a checkout date is going to be presenting fairly soon, if not already. Again, there for comfort, not dating.
5 years? Ah! Ya know, that crane fell in NYC this week killing a man. Who knew. Jim Fixx died while running. Who knew? I could stroke out tomorrow, or next year - who knows? In five years there could be a cure for the trouble at hand. A lot can happen in 5+ years.

TK
 Tarnished_Knight
Joined: 3/5/2009
Msg: 81 (view)
 
What will you compromise? Or trade off?
Posted: 2/8/2016 9:39:11 PM
msg 86, from CynthiaSM:



With regards to sex lives, one of the most fascinating discoveries is that aging liberals have way more sex. Political ideology had no bearing on overall life satisfaction, but the most conservative men on average shut down their sex lives around age 68, while the most liberal men had healthy sex lives well into their 80s. Vaillant writes, “I have consulted urologists about this, they have no idea why it might be so.”
The answer isn't to be had from a urologist; the problem isn't physical or medical.
The answer is to be had from a politician or cleric; the problem is in the conservative's view toward women, women's bodies, and the role of sex.
Certainly not saying it is absolute, 100% of men holding conservative 'values' or political views select subservient women, or select a woman who will fill the 'barefoot, pregnant, housekeeper, support' role, or believe sex is solely for procreation. I think that's lip-service for public consumption only for many conservatives.
But look at the role of sex espoused by the religions favored by conservatives and it seems axiomatic that there will be no sex once a woman is unable to bear children. They create public and private structures to brain wash their adherents that sex is a sin and a woman is either a whore, a breeder, or a madonna.
So once past breeding age, unless it's at the "husband's prerogative", I think (my opinion only) that more and more these days even aged conservative men would rather not have sex than to have sex with the 'Madonna-sex-is-a-sin-limp-fish-going-through-the-motions' woman they married.


O Cynthia, bit of a bias showing? Anyway, I'm pleased you interjected "my opinion only," into your screed. I can only agree, minimally, that there are certain repressive attitudes ingrained w/in some congregations and believers. I can assure you they are not found w/in this writer. Further, those who do have these repressive attitudes tend to have double X chromosomes vs the XY pairing you've disparaged. Those who have read the totality of scripture find great comfort in such like the Song of Solomon which, if made into a modern movie would surely receive an advisory rating. Just sayin'.

But, thanx for your contribution!

TK
 Tarnished_Knight
Joined: 3/5/2009
Msg: 129 (view)
 
What are men in their 40's looking for
Posted: 8/10/2015 1:36:23 PM
This topic has an analog in the dating over 45 section: https://forums.plentyoffish.com/datingPosts16372086.aspx; I think you'll find the first few pages more on point than what it degenerated in to.

As for me, I'm pretty clear in my profile: I talk about who I am and the type of woman who would interest me.

In summation I want/need a Christian woman, modicum of intelligence, reasonably active, cares about how she looks, and for the most part may think about the future but lives in the here and now. Oh, and she wants the same in a man. All of that if just the preface to a long lasting relationship (marriage preferably) that is built around intimacy in spirit, emotion, and body. For me, having lived through and survived (mostly) a relationship in which there was a dearth of intimacy across the spectrum, I've come to realize that sex does not define the relationship, the relationship defines the sex. With that in mind building up to physical intimacy later, rather than sooner, is fine in my book.

I believe I was a bit more poetic in my posts in the Dating Over 45 section.

TK
 Tarnished_Knight
Joined: 3/5/2009
Msg: 68 (view)
 
Is it just me, or is asking for more pics right off a turn off?
Posted: 8/10/2015 12:57:54 PM
I have never nor will ever ask on PoF for additional images of a woman in revealing clothing.

For me images give me a sense of who the woman is: does she smile, is it natural or pasted on; what is she doing? Since I believe we display in public images that represent who we see ourselves as, what a woman posts tells me a lot.
But the most important aspect for me is does the image of the woman comport with her body type description. To wit: if the woman is delusional about how she looks or is perceived I have to assume she is delusional about most other stuff.

My images are w/in one year, the most recent this summer. I believe my body type assessment and actual physical appearance meet even my strict standards. [And let me tell you, I feinted twice sucking in my gut sufficiently to get a couple of those images! But, hey, it was worth it!]

TK
 Tarnished_Knight
Joined: 3/5/2009
Msg: 11 (view)
 
Love or Hate these profile specifics...
Posted: 7/23/2015 12:31:35 PM
For me: Christian?
Is she smiling? Does it look like a real smile or just a quick upturn of the corners. Does she appear happy, satisfied? I look at the eyes.
Does she exude an aura of youth?
What's her profile like? Can she write? Does she know who she is well enough to write something engaging; can she spell (or take time to use spell check), can she write coherently, does she come across with something that indicates her mind is more than a kilometer wide and a centimeter deep?
Smoker? Boo!
Does she look and indicate she is physically active? What does she do?

Ultimately if there is enough to issue a go order, and this aspect is very broad, is this a face I would enjoy seeing first thing in the AM?

TK
 Tarnished_Knight
Joined: 3/5/2009
Msg: 13 (view)
 
Asking out coworker
Posted: 7/22/2015 10:00:07 AM
cougarboy had this to say:
Just gonna ask her whenever I work with her and get at least 2 minutes to talk to her without others being right there.


I sense the beginnings of a pair: now, shoot for 30 seconds to 1 minute and don't worry about the others. If she's into you you'll have her undivided!
Let us know how it resolves.

TK
 Tarnished_Knight
Joined: 3/5/2009
Msg: 56 (view)
 
Men happier married vs Women happier single - according to research
Posted: 7/22/2015 9:56:25 AM
I sense a certain level of misandrism here.
I feel for these women, and men, whose backgrounds have left them seared relationally.

Personally, while son's mom and I had our difficulties, and I've related some of my frustrations w/in these threads, I prefer to see the future through the veil of our good times and not paint all women with son's mom's failings.

TK
 Tarnished_Knight
Joined: 3/5/2009
Msg: 10 (view)
 
Asking out coworker
Posted: 7/21/2015 10:05:43 PM
cougarboy69,

First: change the bloody handle, it doesn't come across as the right image
Second: I don't think you really want to "go out" with this young lady at Costco - you have an excuse for every suggestion!

Third: if I'm wrong about 2 - just ask her, facebook, face to face, slip her a note, it don't freakin' matter. Whether she has a boyfriend, whether she's interested in you, whether she lesbian or not - you'll have your answer. You're gonna talk yourself out'ta this you keep this up.

Good grief, you sound too much like me 40+ years ago. Grow a pair or use the ones you got!

TK
[I'm curious, did you grow up with a male influence in the home of your youth?]
 Tarnished_Knight
Joined: 3/5/2009
Msg: 42 (view)
 
Men happier married vs Women happier single - according to research
Posted: 7/21/2015 9:50:18 PM
Oh, Henryx,

An article in the NYT magazine, http://nyti.ms/1kd0zQR, dated 2/6/2014, by Lori Gottlieb, "Does a More Equal Marriage Mean Less Sex?" looks at the very issue you raised. In egalitarian relationships/marriages where division of labor was roughly 50/50 there was indeed less physical intimacy. The supposition being that the men were seen, unconsciously, as less masculine and that undermined the whole male - female dynamics.

I found it to be an interesting article. It was also rather spot on in my own particular marriage: I, being the stay at home for the duration, after x number of years the romantic/intimate aspects (both physical and non) tailed off into nothingness. Even though we were still on the same page in terms of compatibility across most topics it was clear son's mom did not see me as desirable. Whether it was me or something within her that caused the attitude - unclear.

Anyway personally, I like being coupled. I think it gives meaning to life, satisfaction to most days, and were it not for the fact that son's mom saw me only as "friend" material I would still be married. I think.

TK
 Tarnished_Knight
Joined: 3/5/2009
Msg: 26 (view)
 
L-Arginine
Posted: 7/20/2015 3:13:19 PM
'tunia,

I was curious about some of this so did some research into the issues you raised:
besides corroborating the effect of L-Arginine on the herpes family there was also a couple articles of those I read that recommended taking lysine a couple hours AFTER arginine -- NOT together.

What's your take?

TK
 Tarnished_Knight
Joined: 3/5/2009
Msg: 44 (view)
 
Local phenomena or site-wide?
Posted: 7/19/2015 4:36:36 PM
Ms. sealady111:

I think you meant to say that you're a specist - you don't date out of your species. Now, if you had a preference for other species of a particular skin coloration ...

Anyway, I have come across a few profiles of ladies who have expressed a preference against and for particular races and skin color: one lady would only date "brothers"; a couple others would not date men of dark complexion; and a couple (notably in the PNW) only wanted to date men of black or brown persuasion. One was quite attractive and I must admit I was despondent. It took me a couple n-secs to recover. Life sux.

Me? if a Christian woman approached this middle aged rascal with a romantic intent and I found her physically, intellectually, and spiritually appealing - I would be game. I've mentally considered the situation and if the cultural / ethnic dissimilarities weren't too difficult to manage ... All things are possible with God.

TK
 Tarnished_Knight
Joined: 3/5/2009
Msg: 28 (view)
 
Church singles group experience- Normal or not?
Posted: 7/19/2015 4:18:14 PM
willy,

go back and reread all your posts - look at how many excuses occupy your replies and, by implication, your thoughts.

You can dismiss me as a troll or you can reflect and meditate upon what I observed.

TK
 Tarnished_Knight
Joined: 3/5/2009
Msg: 12 (view)
 
Asking a girl about her friend?
Posted: 7/18/2015 7:44:54 PM
I have to say, at 31 you should be over this by now.
Anyhoo, you're in a tennis group, you've a ready made scenario for getting to know her: invite her to join you in some singles or doubles action (head out of the gutter) on the court! You're there to play tennis, so play tennis. the first date I had with son's mom was tennis - loser bought dinner (yeah, I lost). Pizza and then Star Wars Episode 5 - 35'ish years ago. I don't think getting to know one another has changed all that much.

Man up, take the cover off your racket, open a new can of balls, and serve.

TK
 Tarnished_Knight
Joined: 3/5/2009
Msg: 24 (view)
 
Church singles group experience- Normal or not?
Posted: 7/18/2015 7:31:21 PM
Willy,

you are a person with a negative attitude who has probably never scene a glass as any more than half empty.
Good Lord man, you're in Church, hopefully worshiping your resurrected savior, praising God for the gift of life and renewal; and yet, all I hear is the down side of every issue people bring up. You should be with my son's mother - except you would both find the dark side of being together and go separate ways.

You need an attitude adjustment! Start looking for the positive. Open your eyes to the possibilities and not the "why nots."

To tell you the truth, I would probably find myself avoiding you after a few minutes being under that cloud you tote around.

yeah, I'm a little harsh tonight. Just get so peeved at people expecting life to be something it's not. Go to another church. Make the bloody circuit. Meet new people. Don't look for reasons to exclude them from your life find reasons they should BE in your life. First and foremost, find a church that speaks to YOU. Your not at church for your dating life, your there to worship, set your course for the week, month, the rest of your life. If you do happen to meet someone who causes the sun to shine - Yowzers!

TK
 Tarnished_Knight
Joined: 3/5/2009
Msg: 387 (view)
 
Women and Fake Beauty
Posted: 7/15/2015 10:00:01 PM

I want a face lift, with my luck, I'd prolly end up looking like sylvester stallone.


I think that's called a "face droop."









p.s., for the record: SS's facial characteristics were caused by improper forceps use during delivery resulting in some nerve damage.
 Tarnished_Knight
Joined: 3/5/2009
Msg: 250 (view)
 
Is the fairytale impossible after 30?
Posted: 7/15/2015 1:32:25 PM
Ya' know, it is possible my 20/20 hindsight is more like 20/80, but I don't think I ever had a "fairy tale" vision of committed relationship love as a youth. After nearly 30 years of living that life I am more sure than ever. In the fairy tale world the two "lived happily ever after." There is no mention of illness, hard times, struggles, doubt, affairs, troubled children, perfect children, self doubt, and of course the list goes on. Rarely death.

The fairly tale life doesn't talk about how the two made it / make it through the good times and the bad: only that they lived happily ever after. Well, chalk me up to not a believer in fairy tales - unless we're dealing with the heavily sanitized Reader's Digest version. But, IF your fairy tale existence allows for a couple to recognize their differences, work to overcome their difficulties, patience and forgiveness; yeah, that I can believe in.

In Fact, that's the life I want. I want a life that has some grist - something of substance that has effort behind it. I don't want make believe. I don't want pie-in-the-sky everything will be all right. I'm willing to work. I'm not going to like (love) everything about my lover, nor she about me. And yet ... together ... it happens.

Fairy tale? hmmm.

TK
 Tarnished_Knight
Joined: 3/5/2009
Msg: 7 (view)
 
Pausing frequently during sex
Posted: 7/13/2015 3:57:08 PM
you have several options available:

1) wear a raincoat. On the penis, not to bed. Raincoat, Rubber, Condom, etc.
2) talk to your treating physician about a low dose anti-depressant. May require trial and error. Works.
3) try a spray. there are a number of over the counter sprays that contain lidocaine that, when sprayed on the penis, reduce sensitivity (similar to a condom, I suppose). Stated purpose is to combat premature ejaculation (basically your complaint). Active compound, lidocaine, is quickly absorbed so that there is little chance of transfer to partner.
have fun!

TK
 Tarnished_Knight
Joined: 3/5/2009
Msg: 50 (view)
 
Low maintenance
Posted: 7/12/2015 10:07:06 PM
I just bought a new car: a little sporty two seat number. Yes, it is red.
Anyhoo, this thread got me to thinking:

For the past thirty plus years all I've ever personally owned, vehicle wise, have been trucks. Little trucks (first one) and larger trucks. I know trucks, I like trucks. When I'm in a truck I am comfortable - so comfortable I didn't really think about it. It/I just was. They did their part; I did mine. I changed the oil, lubed a few things that went squeek, new tires (eventually - long story), batteries, blah, blah. In my estimation the essence of low maintenance.

My new car (cliche - little and red) requires me to learn new things. I have to buy ramps, jack stands, new oil, I have to protect her differently (she's little and red) so I'm taking her in for her first (clear) bra. [I don't think this is a training bra]
I'm learning how she (it?) moves, likes to be stroked, what her limits are; and most importantly, what we can do together that I've never done before with my own car. You would think this is the definition of high maintenance, wouldn't you?

I don't. I think it is normal maintenance in a new setting.

Same thing with people. We're all different. We each have those idiosyncrasies that make us unique and difficult to the wrong person. Lord knows, half my family would rather I disappear. Some might find my new interactions with the little red car too much just as I would rather not own any model mg - now that's too much work for too little reward. Others would go all van Gogh to own any mg.

Me; I like a simple woman who enjoys getting casually dolled up every once in a while. The extremes I would find too plain or too consuming.

TK
 Tarnished_Knight
Joined: 3/5/2009
Msg: 38 (view)
 
MEDIUM MAINTENANCE IS ALL GOOD
Posted: 7/11/2015 10:26:40 PM
I have always looked at the notion of "maintenance" as an issue of attitude. A woman (man) who is high maintenance is one with an attitude of me first/do this for me/I gotta have this/that/or the other thing and/or any other type of behavior that one would classify as self centered. Of course, there is the question of perspective, as has already appeared in this thread: that behavior one might deem high maintenance may be in another's view as normal and/or low maintenance.

Me? I like a woman who is comfortable getting dirty with me in the yard/garden/kitchen/forest but also knows how to take her time to doll it up a bit. It wouldn't hurt if she also has her own notions about how a guy should dress to look good to her and make the effort to help me achieve that look (within reason, of course).

TK
[Yeah, I got culture - agriculture. And that ain't no bull]
 Tarnished_Knight
Joined: 3/5/2009
Msg: 61 (view)
 
Solo holidays
Posted: 7/10/2015 10:12:24 PM
Cynthia,

My bad, I pulled over - thought you had your thumb out.
Taking a break from the folks, heading over to the College Inn Pub - you know, the one in the basement off University. I have been in Seattle more times than I can count (OK, not setting the bar high with that metric) and every time I've been stymied. Anyway, it's been 30+ years since I've had their nacho platter and a beer (a weekly treat back in the 80"s) and I thought I would take the roadster over the pass, dodge traffic on the floating bridges, and grab a plate.

Anyway, now that I've stopped, interested?

TK
[beep-beep]
 Tarnished_Knight
Joined: 3/5/2009
Msg: 19 (view)
 
The angry elderly
Posted: 7/9/2015 9:54:26 PM
Ms. P:

Perhaps I shouldn't admit this in public, but there was a time, fifteen some odd years ago, I was that angry man. I saw it and didn't understand it. It worried me sufficiently that I sought counseling to deal with it. Counselor, though preferred to treat with medication. I still sought answers.

I don't know what put me on the correct path to "enlightenment," but after a while I realized it was the relationship (marriage) I was in.

Shortening things up a bit, my point is that anger like that - diffuse, volatile, etc, could stem from frustration. Frustration that he hasn't been able to identify. He knows something is wrong, can't identify it, and the result is the irrational anger and the associated pathology.

I wish I had answers for what to do next. For me, once I knew what the issue was I took steps to address and remedy the problem. Eventually the problem was resolved by a parting of ways - it takes two to dance and two to improve an impoverished relationship. Oh well.

TK
 Tarnished_Knight
Joined: 3/5/2009
Msg: 171 (view)
 
What do you think your odds are? Why? Are you o.k. about it?
Posted: 7/9/2015 9:43:01 PM
Oh, MaryAnn v. Ginger?

MaryAnn by several lengths - that is the face and person I would want to see first thing in the AM. But, will you forgive me if I admit to fantasizing about Ginger?

I want the girl (woman) next door in my bed - she only gets better as time eclipses our youth. Ginger rarely ever gets better - but in out dreams is there forever.

TK
[self identifies too easily with Gilligan. Alas


SKIPPER!!!]
 Tarnished_Knight
Joined: 3/5/2009
Msg: 170 (view)
 
What do you think your odds are? Why? Are you o.k. about it?
Posted: 7/9/2015 9:38:26 PM

I believe that there is nothing abnormal about being in your sixties and not wanting/needing another relationship.
At this point in my life, I don't want to cohabitate with anyone. I have a full life that I am quite happy with. The thought of being in a relationship at my age makes me tired just thinking about it. I don't have the energy to compromise at my age. I have had my two special relationships that didn't take compromise. I have no chance of finding another.

Rather than being unhappy about being alone, I feel blessed with all life has given me and continues to give me.


I had a conversation a few weeks ago that covered this very ground. I was looking forward to my next great love and she was more or less "why bother." I don't think it is a sex/male-female thing: I've read similar from both sides in these threads. However, It is something I don't understand.
Perhaps it is just perspective: having lived in a marriage that was lacking in intimacy (of any sort) I came away with a hunger that cannot be quenched by my company alone. Those that have had great relationships - perhaps their thirst/hunger was slaked.

As for talking to strangers - yes, there are times my head is in the clouds and intrusions into my space are not only unwanted they are, indeed, intrusions. So, I fully understand the same in others. However, there are times I find it natural to strike up a conversation with strangers with a comment, an aside, an observation, and see where it leads. As I evolve into more of a dater I do wonder where it might lead.

TK
 Tarnished_Knight
Joined: 3/5/2009
Msg: 9 (view)
 
Clean eating recipes
Posted: 7/7/2015 5:51:19 PM
Damn!

I thought this was a rant about washing food
 Tarnished_Knight
Joined: 3/5/2009
Msg: 55 (view)
 
Solo holidays
Posted: 7/7/2015 5:49:41 PM
My first solo vacation comes soon: a week helping parents around their house and small farm near Ellensburg doing things for them they and brother can't or don't have time to do. Then; it's off for a short week in the Willamette Valley area. I've got a little roadster that loves the road, seems to like me (admittedly, doesn't really know me well, yet), and is a joy to drive (hope my truck doesn't read this!). I'm going to make it out to the ocean again (local grub sounds good) and take a day trip down to Crater Lake - something I've wanted to do you ages but always denied. Who knows, I might even meet someone. The micro brew scene in Portland and vicinity is awesome!

TK
[beep-beep]
 Tarnished_Knight
Joined: 3/5/2009
Msg: 74 (view)
 
Dating sites good or bad for dating self esteem?
Posted: 7/7/2015 5:27:50 PM
Perhaps my opinion will change but for the interim I'm going to place my mark in the good for my self esteem column. I explain: A couple weeks ago I inadvertently placed an image in the public. Within a couple days I had a dozen "meet me's". Now I'm not so foolish to not realize I was being responded to appearing to be fresh fish. However, since the majority of the women expressing interest were responding solely to an image and not the actual written profile I good naturedly take it as flattering. Not getting that, admittedly, shallow attention for the majority of a three decade marriage ...

Now on the other hand: recently spent 4 1/2 hours talking to my attractive, engaging, row mate during the middle leg of a flight to the east coast. This lovely woman could have slept, read, listened to device, blown me off, etc., at any time. Instead, we talked. And talked. And talked. That was more empowering for my haggard self esteem than all of the above (none of which felt sufficiently moved to pen an actual greeting). She was married and not my type; but so darn close. Close enough that under other circumstances ... ??

Anyway, I have had sufficient interactions on PoF to know that I'm not the schmuck son's mom considered me. hence, my check mark in the positive column.

TK
[still smiling a week later!]
 Tarnished_Knight
Joined: 3/5/2009
Msg: 84 (view)
 
Prejudice and indifference against dating one's own age?
Posted: 7/7/2015 5:12:32 PM
I think VK is making an allusion to his sexuality/orientation/preference.

Another one that blew me away is Pierce Brosnan and his wife. The last time I saw an image of her she was rather larger. I think there was accompanying commentary and his response was that he loved his wife and liked how she looked.

Beauty is in the eye of the beholder!

Then there is the one about throwing stones: it occurs to me that both Messrs Jackman and Brosnan are not single - and yet here WE reside.

TK
 Tarnished_Knight
Joined: 3/5/2009
Msg: 36 (view)
 
when do people really begin to grow up?
Posted: 6/22/2015 9:44:14 PM
I went to bed last night thinking about this question. Identified with many of the answers. I, too, started working at a young age: independent businessman (businesskid?) before middle school mowing lawns and other odd jobs. worked all through HS and University - paid for schooling and no loans until grad school. Even though I felt immature at times I guess I was doing the right adult things at the time. Got married out of grad school, got the entry level research position, accepted to professional school, returned to the work force, and then put it all on the top shelf to become a stay-at-home parent.

As I made the final turn around the track of wiping snotty noses, messy bottoms and vomit, endless meals and lunches to go, lord knows how many tons of laundry, and know offspring are the better for it I can't help but feeling as if I stagnated. Not personally, I think, but professionally; and yet I am thankful that I choose (and had the opportunity to follow) the path I did tread with knowledge that it WAS the better path.

But, here I am 30 years later, embarking on a new adventure and reflecting that in oh so many ways I feel like I have regressed a few decades. When do I grow up? When did I stop growing up? It kind of reminds me of the title, " The Once and Future King." Could I be "The Once and Future Adult?"

I think only those who have little to no sentient capacity and little to no ability to react to their environment are the only ones who never "grow up." Even those we deride as remaining children mature in subtle and amusing ways. It is one reason I always chose the path that forced my son to make his own decisions (even while knowing Dad was always there). Even with the safety net of family making decisions and living with the consequences forces maturity. It is why I am never ashamed for anyone to meet my young man - you may not agree with him but you cannot fault him. He is grown up (even as he continues to grow!).

TK
[I, too, can say, "This is my son in whom I am well pleased.]
 Tarnished_Knight
Joined: 3/5/2009
Msg: 23 (view)
 
Do you need instant butterflies to pick a mate?
Posted: 6/21/2015 9:36:04 PM
south_city opined:
Physical attraction = Yes
Butterflies / love at first sight / instant sparks or chemistry / however you want to phrase it. = No


Butterflies, spark, lightning bolt, 2x4 upside the head, they're all good; and yet, none of the women I've had that reaction to have I ever dated.[but I did enjoy the moments, though!]

Rather, the women I've dated and the one I married, were all women I felt attraction to/towards and were women I could see myself looking forward to seeing their face on the pillow next to mine. Some there was immediate sexual attraction, some the sexual attraction built over time.

I think the butterflies came later; sometimes the butterflies left.

I'm looking forward to this next phase in my life to experience the butterflies again and pray that I still sufficient memories of the old feeling to compare. Women are different now; or, perhaps, it is me - women seem to be more approachable, more open. Then again, perhaps it IS me, and after 3 decades I se women for what and who they are and not what I wanted then to be. I hope they still come with butterflies, though.

TK
[Ah'm gonna corral me some butterflies]
 Tarnished_Knight
Joined: 3/5/2009
Msg: 89 (view)
 
wants to date but nothing serious mean??
Posted: 6/6/2015 12:46:12 PM
As I said, inanity doth raise its head:
To wander, leaves the possibility, to discover, which is NOT aimless. Unless of course, you have your eyes closed while you wander. And you can still "care", even when wandering. And if you are stepping "forward" and not going "backwards, you will go "somewhere". But, to dismiss anything, and everything around you while you "aim" you will, for sure miss many things along the way. Some good. And yes, some bad. We call that having the "blinders" on. Yep, just like a horse in a race. A race.

If you had taken the time to actually read the entire post you would have noticed I allowed for side trips - side trips that would have been unknown were one to don "blinders." I also recognized that wandering aimlessly is fine - fine for those who who have no place special to go, have no plan (other than having no plan), and don't give a rip where they end up. Even planning to return to your starting place IS a plan and a destination.
But, at the same time do not go on about not finding what it is you are looking for, having to weed through the weeds, as it were, if you do not know where you are going. Or even WHY you are going/traveling.
When I travel I always know where I am going, I always have a destination. What I allow for is how I get there: if in a rush I am thankful for the interstate highway system and if time allows I prefer the back roads where "magic" can happen. And when in Montana, I usually have something to read during construction season.

And, yes, I garden. I should have said vegetable garden - it was clear in my mind, less so by the time the thought reached the keys. But even so, if I want to maximize my flower beds (of which I have far too many) I still must provide a place for them to grow (otherwise they WOULD be weeds) and I must tend them (otherwise they would succumb to the weeds). As for the pails of Wildflower seeds you can just strew about hither and yon and hope for the best: You will get what you put in to it - little effort with minimal results. Again, I allowed for that - there is nothing wrong with that, I've done it myself, but it does not maximize results. If that is what you want I say, Hooray! You'll get it. There is a time and place for that thinking and acting.

My point is and has been if you want a mate or a date that has the best chance of going the distance you should act and plan accordingly. If you know what floats your boat, that is what you strive for. If you're a fat, slovenly fool but desire thin, athletic intelligent women then your first order of business, your plan, would be to become what thin, athletic intelligent women generally desire. Or hope that you come across that one in a million woman who dates against type. I'm sure they are out there - I just haven't run in to any, hence I'm not a fat, slovenly idiot/fool.

TK
 Tarnished_Knight
Joined: 3/5/2009
Msg: 86 (view)
 
wants to date but nothing serious mean??
Posted: 6/6/2015 7:27:11 AM
henry, I repeat, for those unable to recognize inanity: if you wish to wander aimlessly, have no plan, don't care where you end up or don't give a rip where you go, then focus on the journey. But if you want to make every foot step count, if you want to actually go somewhere, if you care about having a plan for your life, then choose a destination.

To me it's like planting a garden by throwing seeds helter-skelter. Some may actually land in an area suitable for growing, some may not. Some may, by a miracle of nature actually grow and produce. Most will not. On the other hand, if I want to maximize results from my effort I will till an area suitable for growing, remove weeds, sow seeds to the appropriate depth and with an appropriate spacing, water, tend to the seedlings, etc., and then when the harvest time arrives reap the rewards for my effort.

Likewise, if I desire a woman in my life for the long term I'm not going to waste my time dating just any ol' Jane - I'm going to determine what is important to me (the destination) and look for women that have those qualities and characteristics (the journey). Now, since I am aware that the heart is a fickle entity, I will be attuned to the fact that the woman who punches my buttons may be outside my initial parameters (the side trips) but always keeping my focus on the destination.

As I said, if you have no desired destination having no plan is AOK with me. Who knows, you may find your one and only. And from my perspective I would pray that you do. But, as I said before and reiterate here, for me separating the journey from the destination doesn't work. Journey-Destination; Destination-Journey; they do seem to go together like a horse and carriage.

TK
[to be truthful, there are days in which I'm not sure which aspect I enjoy more: the journey or the destination. I do know that one w/o the other detracts from both]
 Tarnished_Knight
Joined: 3/5/2009
Msg: 205 (view)
 
Together forever, no marriage, separate homes
Posted: 6/5/2015 3:42:32 PM

Do you think it is possible to have that sort of bonding, that sort of closeness, that kind of “mutual feeling of protection” in the kind of relationship that we’re discussing in this thread? That is “together forever, no marriage, separate homes”.


No, I do not think it is possible. What's there may be sufficient for some, but (and I realize I do not have any empirical evidence to support my position) would be insufficient for me.

Women in a dormitory start cycling together due to the intimacy and closeness of their environment, twins can share a bond that is difficult for non-twins to understand or comprehend, and I believe that a couple, intimately involved with each other, develop a bond and closeness that cannot arise in a situation in which they willingly live a separate existence.

It's one reason a long distance affair is so difficult: the immediacy, the temporal and logistical closeness is missing. LDRs can work but those, too, are not the same (this being something I DO have experience with) as living near by.

When I reflect back on 28 years, say half being better than so-so, it was the comfort of the presence that was assuring (on the flip side, it was also the annoyance of the presence in the bad years).

Again, I think for some "together, forever, apart" could/would work for them. The baggage each brings to the relationship is such that anything closer, anything more intimate, would be too much. I think son's mom is one such person for whom "together, forever, apart" would actually work as she has intimacy issues. But, that IS my opinion.

TK
 Tarnished_Knight
Joined: 3/5/2009
Msg: 28 (view)
 
Getting a girl for free rent?
Posted: 6/3/2015 5:17:01 PM
^^^^^^^^^^^^^

Can't be a pod person: he's smiling; and

not smart enough.

TK
[saw all the movies]
 Tarnished_Knight
Joined: 3/5/2009
Msg: 81 (view)
 
Waiting for Love to have Sex
Posted: 6/3/2015 2:13:22 PM
And apparently Ms. SiennaKitten has left the playground.

To continue the conversation, since we all know that ms ??? will return in another incarnation, I wonder: how do you know he isn't getting "new" lovers. As a guy myself (I checked) it only stands to reason since at one time YOU were new to him and then you weren't and if you aren't going to be a couple it is only logical that being used as a blood filled vibrator is not the most satisfying purpose in life.
You don't "like/love" him and yet you started at least one thread advocating that love is a necessary element to having sex.

Darlin', the internet is not the only long memory entity around here: think of me as a human elephant - just not as good looking.

TK
[raises pathetic excuse of trunk and attempts to trumpet - I think I hurt myself]
 
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