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 Author Thread: Using Dating Websites, Apps, and the Real World what to use and not use?
 FlamingHotCheetos3
Joined: 5/6/2016
Msg: 9 (view)
 
Using Dating Websites, Apps, and the Real World what to use and not use?
Posted: 5/25/2016 8:16:17 PM
Sometimes there already was attraction but the timing was wrong due to distance, being in other relationships, waiting for the 'right' time to tell the person they liked them, etc. There was one instance where a classmate liked me but I had a boyfriend at the time so that's why he didn't ask me out until I was single (1.5 years after we actually met). Such a 'delayed' first date may occur if the people work in the same department and one either has to wait to get transferred or find another job until they can actually date.

Mutual attraction doesn't mean anything if the timing is off.
 FlamingHotCheetos3
Joined: 5/6/2016
Msg: 7 (view)
 
Using Dating Websites, Apps, and the Real World what to use and not use?
Posted: 5/25/2016 7:29:25 PM
^ sometimes it was only months, sometimes years, yes. In our cases, we were just friends/classmates/roommates/colleagues with these men. We weren't trying to gauge to see if they could be our next boyfriend/husband. It worked for us :) Putting too much stock into instant gratification often leads to disappointment. I guess if you're on the hunt for your next date/significant other, then letting things build gradually won't even cross your mind.
 FlamingHotCheetos3
Joined: 5/6/2016
Msg: 4 (view)
 
Using Dating Websites, Apps, and the Real World what to use and not use?
Posted: 5/25/2016 6:01:52 PM
^ before the women and men had been on their first date.
 FlamingHotCheetos3
Joined: 5/6/2016
Msg: 2 (view)
 
Using Dating Websites, Apps, and the Real World what to use and not use?
Posted: 5/25/2016 5:33:51 PM
I met my fiance in April 2006 when we worked together. After I quit, we still remained close friends. He stayed with the company but got promoted to the corporate headquarters in Seattle in January 2008. I moved from San Diego to WA state in March 2015 to live with him. We decided to be a couple last July and got engaged in January.

Most of my female friends (including myself) are engaged/married to men who were already in their social, educational or professional circles for years before they even went on their first date.

Online dating can and does work but filtering through internet strangers to see which one might be Mr. Right is a tedious process. If possible, it's better to date someone you already know.
 FlamingHotCheetos3
Joined: 5/6/2016
Msg: 6 (view)
 
Height Vs Weight
Posted: 5/25/2016 4:07:04 PM
Who cares? Everyone is allowed to have their preferences as long as they're not blatantly disrespectful and demeaning about expressing them. There's a big difference between dismissing someone who messages you for being too short, too fat, etc by just ignoring them compared to stuff on your profile like, 'NO FAT CHICKS!', 'SHORT D*CK MEN F*CK OFF!'

People need to realize that they aren't going to be everyone's cup of tea. Not everyone is going to want to date you.

I'm 5'5" & 122 lbs
 FlamingHotCheetos3
Joined: 5/6/2016
Msg: 94 (view)
 
it does take one, to recognize one
Posted: 5/25/2016 3:55:58 PM

So, please enlighten us how you identify a man that has a history of flings or accepts sex that is offered to him?

When is a decent guy allowed to accept sex? Or is he supposed to play hard to get?


I paid attention to the people I dated and would not jump into bed with any man until I got to know him a while. I'm a very perceptive person and was not easily swayed by what men said, but more about how they treated me with their actions and behavior. I could spot a poonhound or f***boy from a mile away. Most of them weren't as slick as they thought they were (with me, anyway).

I preferred men who had sex with a woman they were actually dating or in a relationship with. I understand having a few flings in between relationships. I've had a few myself and I'm not going to hold someone else to higher standard than I hold myself. However, if most of their sexual history consisted on FWBs, FBs, ONS nonsense, then I'd steer clear. I could typically tell if they were that type by what I mentioned in my first paragraph.

Back in 2012, a co-worker told me that a woman wanted to come over to his house after their first date to "cuddle". He refused and ended contact with her. He later told me her request was a turn off despite her being attractive and the first date going well. When he first told me, I took that story with a grain of salt. After dating him for 6-8 weeks (which was how long it took for us to have sex for the first time), I could tell that he was relationship-minded and LTR-material so I'm more inclined to believe that story. He never pressured me into having sex and was willing to wait so the story definitely aligned with his behavior. A few years before dating me, he did have a threesome in Amsterdam so he was no angel, lol.

I like balance. I wasn't going to date a guy who was saving himself for marriage but I didn't want someone who was so cavalier about sex either.
 FlamingHotCheetos3
Joined: 5/6/2016
Msg: 91 (view)
 
it does take one, to recognize one
Posted: 5/25/2016 11:44:41 AM

That's fine if both people were just looking for casual sex. But if a man lied about his intentions and pretended to be interested in serious relationship in order to get sex, then he is a jerk.


Which is the case a lot of times - Both parties aren't on the same page when it comes to casual sex which leads to confusion and/or hurt feelings. Or they were on the same page at the beginning but as the situationship went on, one party begins to feel more than the other. I've seen it time and time again. Either way, it's undesirable behavior. If I were single, I wouldn't engage with any man who had a history of meaningless, casual flings or who accepted any piece of **** that was offered to him, even if she was hot.
 FlamingHotCheetos3
Joined: 5/6/2016
Msg: 38 (view)
 
At my wits end
Posted: 5/23/2016 10:34:44 PM
Best of luck OP. You are pretty, accomplished and seem to be a great catch.


I'm NOT looking for mindless dating that's a waste of time.


I hope you don't consider online dating to be your only avenue for meeting a potential partner because "mindless dating" is usually par for the course.
 FlamingHotCheetos3
Joined: 5/6/2016
Msg: 38 (view)
 
More Success On Other Sites?
Posted: 5/22/2016 11:54:05 AM

Why try OLD when you had a pool of single guys you know already, and not have to go through the hassle of trying to figure out which total stranger on a dating site is Mr. Right?


First off, I never had a "pool" of RL single straight men to choose from. Most of my friends consist of gay men or attached straight women so meeting single straight men through them was damn near impossible. That's why I decided to try OLD. Of the 3 male friends I did end up dating, one was a classmate, the other was a co-worker & one was a friend of a friend. Even with those 3 men, meeting them was stretched over a period of 9 years so meeting a RL guy I wanted to date and who wanted to date me was rare.
 FlamingHotCheetos3
Joined: 5/6/2016
Msg: 36 (view)
 
More Success On Other Sites?
Posted: 5/21/2016 10:51:02 PM
I've been on pof, okc, tinder and match and they were all essentially the same because the common denominator was me. My longest-lasting relationships (2+ years) have been with men I was with friends with prior to us even going on our first date (including my fiance) . I've had a few boyfriends from OLD but those relationships only lasted 3-4 months. I did much better with IRL dating.
 FlamingHotCheetos3
Joined: 5/6/2016
Msg: 151 (view)
 
Pegging, from the woman's perspective
Posted: 5/20/2016 4:14:23 PM
Lol, no..just outta shape.

Now I know how [some] guys feel.
 FlamingHotCheetos3
Joined: 5/6/2016
Msg: 149 (view)
 
Pegging, from the woman's perspective
Posted: 5/19/2016 6:18:24 PM
I've done this once with my ex. Like most 'taboo' sex acts, the idea of pegging was more exciting than the reality. I liked how excited he got but I wasn't into it really. My lower back hurt afterwards.
 FlamingHotCheetos3
Joined: 5/6/2016
Msg: 275 (view)
 
Worst thing that has ever happened during sex???
Posted: 5/19/2016 6:07:39 PM
I got shit (mixed with lube) all over my hand while fisting my ex. I told him, "Next time, we're using gloves"

I vomited on a guy's****after he throat-****ed me too hard.

However, they weren't as bad as they could have been because neither party treated the other any differently after such mishaps.
 FlamingHotCheetos3
Joined: 5/6/2016
Msg: 13 (view)
 
Tips for giving a BJ?
Posted: 5/19/2016 11:18:02 AM
Jesus Christ, this dude/chick/whatever is probably just playing around. The girl in the pictures is most likely NOT who's posting.

Kill it with fire.
 FlamingHotCheetos3
Joined: 5/6/2016
Msg: 34 (view)
 
Falling in love questions
Posted: 5/19/2016 11:01:34 AM
Did y'all see this thing's posting history?

She/he/whatever is more counterfeit than a Gucci bag on Canal Street.
 FlamingHotCheetos3
Joined: 5/6/2016
Msg: 56 (view)
 
messages from men
Posted: 5/18/2016 12:03:00 PM

As far as "....same message you've sent to God knows how many people already", what's a better solution if a guy is not getting responses? Is a guy suppose to message one person only, and hope that one person responds-putting all of his eggs in one basket?


Sending the same lame message to every woman or only messaging one woman aren't the only choices. There's plenty of gray area in between. A better solution: On these forums alone, there are several men who have met their girlfriends/fiances/wives via OLD and have offered advice on how to be more successful at it. Ironically enough, I've seen [unsuccessful] men dismiss their input and chalk their success to pure luck.

If what a person is doing isn't working and hasn't worked repeatedly, then they need to try something else. Not everyone is going to be successful at OLD. These frustrated online daters need to divert their attention to meeting people through other avenues, or just focus on something other than dating, period. If they're meant to find someone, they will. It should happen organically.
 FlamingHotCheetos3
Joined: 5/6/2016
Msg: 51 (view)
 
messages from men
Posted: 5/17/2016 8:25:17 PM
Sometimes it was all three reasons you mentioned, sometimes it was two - or one. Or neither. This was ages ago (2010- 2012) and I received thousands of messages in my OLD days, a majority of which went unanswered. As far as "investigating", I'd read the man's profile and look at his pictures to determine if I wanted to respond to his message. I always dated to eventually be in a LTR so I was highly selective of who I engaged with on these sites.
 FlamingHotCheetos3
Joined: 5/6/2016
Msg: 48 (view)
 
messages from men
Posted: 5/17/2016 3:18:37 PM
Agreed with FLMan & IG. Just because a person is attractive does not mean their communication skills don't have to be developed. And anyone who'd fall for that isn't the brightest themselves. Birds of a feather...

When I was online dating, I'd occasionally send out messages to men that contained more than "Hi" too (at least 4-5 sentences). Just because I am pretty didn't mean I'd rest on my laurels and expect men to fall at my feet just by a mere "Hi, hru?" If you have more to offer, then act portray yourself as such.

I'd delete messages that contained "Hi", "Hello" or that were obviously copy/pasted. No one wants to read the same message you've sent to God knows how many people already.
 FlamingHotCheetos3
Joined: 5/6/2016
Msg: 30 (view)
 
Would you ever date someone with dreadlocks?
Posted: 5/16/2016 10:16:52 PM
^ LOL!

To answer the question, no. I once dated a guy with dreads who was Asian and his were a big mess. He wasn't very attentive to their care and upkeep. The back of his head looked matted and mangy. He asked me to cut them off one evening and I was elated. I cut one big dread off and out came a bunch of odor and SAND. I asked him how long it'd been since he went to the beach (since this was during autumn) and he replied, "3 months ago"

GROSS.
 FlamingHotCheetos3
Joined: 5/6/2016
Msg: 8 (view)
 
She said it was small = done!
Posted: 5/16/2016 7:06:53 PM
You made the right choice in cutting her off.

first, she admitted she slept with a married man. say that you two did progress, what makes you think she'd be faithful to you?

then the BO/penis drama.


PRO TIP: Find out if they are stupid/crazy BEFORE having sex with them


Agreed. Just because the pvssy is offered doesn't mean you have to accept. Exercise some self-control and set higher standards.
 FlamingHotCheetos3
Joined: 5/6/2016
Msg: 15 (view)
 
Help, am I destined for Lighthouse duty?
Posted: 5/16/2016 6:59:48 PM
Aside from what's already been mentioned about a negative profile & lack of relationship history at 30, I would not be interested because your intent is to "hang out". That basically says you're not serious.
 FlamingHotCheetos3
Joined: 5/6/2016
Msg: 35 (view)
 
Do you really want a THUG?
Posted: 5/16/2016 5:21:21 PM

The two aren't quite comparable. Watch any of the multitude of educational videos about domestic violence on youtube. Abusers in the beginning are charming, persistent, somewhat overbearing but the woman takes it for a sign that he really cares... No one gets punched in the eye across the dinner table on the first date... They stay because they love him... they hope the "real him", the charming chaser, will come back and the ugly persona is just a bad dream; they stay because he said he'd kill her and the children if they left.


FINALLY. Someone gets it. The dynamics of abusive relationships are a lot more complicated than people realize.
 FlamingHotCheetos3
Joined: 5/6/2016
Msg: 13 (view)
 
Long, great date and a hug
Posted: 5/16/2016 5:15:31 PM
Whoa, you texted him since your last post 2:25pm PST and it's now 5:15 and already it went "nowhere"? Apparently if someone doesn't respond to your texts within 2-3 hours (ridiculous, btw) then they're "playing games".

You sound immature as hell and like a recipe for drama. Also, impatience doesn't bode well for online dating.

$10 says if he responds later you'll be back on his jock in 4.3 seconds.
 FlamingHotCheetos3
Joined: 5/6/2016
Msg: 11 (view)
 
Inquisitive or ignorant? Inquiring about a person's physical anomaly/defect.
Posted: 5/16/2016 4:53:42 PM
They were totally out of line. It was neither inquisitive nor ignorant. They were being ***holes. Anyone with a single firing neuron would know that women's bodies range in shapes, sizes, heights, etc. "Where is your chest?" is something a middle-schooler would ask.
 FlamingHotCheetos3
Joined: 5/6/2016
Msg: 18 (view)
 
Would you put this in your profile.?
Posted: 5/14/2016 2:44:14 PM

" I would rather have it and NOT need it,then NEED it and NOT have it."


Agreed. I used to work with sexual assault victims, with 2-3 cases on my caseload per week for a year and a half. Do the math.

I'm glad I have it.
 FlamingHotCheetos3
Joined: 5/6/2016
Msg: 73 (view)
 
Dumped after having sex on 4th date - am completely torn up
Posted: 5/14/2016 2:37:10 PM
This one is tough OP. Someone could have easily dumped you after having sex on the first or tenth date. If you hold sex is such high regard and don't want to be hurt emotionally, maybe it'd be best for you to abstain until commitment.
 FlamingHotCheetos3
Joined: 5/6/2016
Msg: 11 (view)
 
Would you put this in your profile.?
Posted: 5/14/2016 1:11:12 PM
^ Good for you. If I thought like that, I wouldn't go hiking anymore. In western WA state, there are bears, cougars, mountain lions, etc a-plenty in the surrounding mountains and forests. There have been instances of mountain lions roaming in residential neighborhoods in Seattle. I'm not going to give up on one of my favorite hobbies in fear that I might encounter a wild animal and then be ill-prepared on top of that.
 FlamingHotCheetos3
Joined: 5/6/2016
Msg: 8 (view)
 
Would you put this in your profile.?
Posted: 5/14/2016 12:46:42 PM
No I wouldn't. I'm pro-2nd amendment but I'd see why that would turn a lot of women off. Hell, I think it'd turn a lot of men off too if a woman had that on her profile (for different reasons).

"Either a thug or have anger issues"... you sound ignorant. My fiance and I both have our CCPs and neither of us are thugs with anger issues. It's about being able to protect yourself. We go hiking/backpacking/camping in the mountains & forest (where there's no cell signal) at least once a week so it's mostly to protect ourselves against bear attacks. We are very mindful about how we pack our food, and we have bear repellent spray so the firearms are seen as a last resort in case of such an encounter.
 FlamingHotCheetos3
Joined: 5/6/2016
Msg: 3 (view)
 
Is she playing hard to get? Or just busy?
Posted: 5/12/2016 9:59:02 PM
Sounds like she's not interested. Calling someone instead of texting won't change that.
 FlamingHotCheetos3
Joined: 5/6/2016
Msg: 16 (view)
 
are male nurses attractive?
Posted: 5/11/2016 5:54:24 PM

Sexy isn't dependent on profession, it's unique to an individual.


Ditto.

Sexiness is how a person carries themselves, among other things. It encompasses more than just a profession.
 FlamingHotCheetos3
Joined: 5/6/2016
Msg: 91 (view)
 
Warning women about a dangerous guy on pof
Posted: 5/11/2016 11:05:06 AM
^ Why would a man try to assault someone who is physically weaker and smaller, huh? I do agree about women putting themselves in dangerous positions. That's why when I was dating, I'd only meet in a public place in the daytime. I used to work as a sexual assault victim advocate and most of my clients would meet men from online and go to their homes on or after the first meet (sometimes late at night). Not the smartest move.

Thing is, even if I was smart enough not to go meet him at his house at 11pm, there'll be someone else who will fall for that. I'm not of the "make sure he rapes the other girl, as long as it's not me" mindset. Focusing too much on the victim's poor judgment does nothing. It doesn't solve the core issue.

Re: knowing how & when to use a gun properly. I agree 100% That's why there are ranges and classes taught by and for women. My fiance and I go to the range twice a month. I have attended the classes. If any man tries to hurt me or my family, he's getting shot right where he's standing.
 FlamingHotCheetos3
Joined: 5/6/2016
Msg: 173 (view)
 
pof is just a waste of time
Posted: 5/10/2016 10:57:48 PM

I had so much to offer but you women blew it


I know this thread is old as shit but still: GOOD RIDDANCE!

A whiny loser misogynist has thrown in the towel. I'm sure the women who rejected you (& who would reject you) are just crying themselves to sleep that you're off the market and have resorted to paying for pu$$y.
 FlamingHotCheetos3
Joined: 5/6/2016
Msg: 86 (view)
 
Warning women about a dangerous guy on pof
Posted: 5/10/2016 10:47:04 PM
What would she have to gain by making up that story? *Rolls eyes*

I do realize there are inconsistencies in her ordeal. And what do you have to gain by just blowing her off so swiftly? Does it help you feel better about yourself? LOL

All this talk about how women should protect themselves more but there needs to be more of an emphasis on how to prevent men from inflicting violence towards others. Preventing violence is a collective effort and not just contingent on 50% of the population.

I'm all for women protecting themselves and I'm glad I live in a state where I can obtain a concealed carrying license. I think more women should be armed. On the other hand, boys need to be raised to actually respect girls & women. Sexual assault, DV, etc would be drastically cut down if that was the case.
 FlamingHotCheetos3
Joined: 5/6/2016
Msg: 69 (view)
 
Do most men consider women who are on pof to be damaged goods?
Posted: 5/10/2016 6:51:13 PM
Sounds like the OP isn't the most well-adjusted either. Having sex with supposedly damaged women doesn't paint you in the best light. Men who accept the pvssy just because it's offered to them (even though they have no intention of ever dating the woman) are undesirables too.
 FlamingHotCheetos3
Joined: 5/6/2016
Msg: 19 (view)
 
I really don't understand.
Posted: 5/10/2016 10:57:52 AM

"Online dating is like trying to nail jello to a tree"


LOLOLOLOLOL!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Anyway, ":)" doesn't even warrant a response. Only respond if they actually have something to say.
 FlamingHotCheetos3
Joined: 5/6/2016
Msg: 8 (view)
 
Who can you trust?
Posted: 5/10/2016 10:47:50 AM
You're 35 years old and trying to sound like a victimized little child. You should know better than to blindly trust someone you've only had phone conversations with.
 FlamingHotCheetos3
Joined: 5/6/2016
Msg: 9 (view)
 
Do you really want a THUG?
Posted: 5/9/2016 9:55:45 PM

Hi OP,
Are you sure these forums are the right audience for this question? Most people here are white and over 40.


Haha. That's what I thought too. My fiance and ex-boyfriend are both Black and told me they've been rejected (by mostly Black women) for being "not hard enough", "corny", "having no swag", etc.

They were on some unrealistic, dumb shit like wanting 2pac with a Yale degree.

btw, those women are all in the 30s or older and still unsatisfactorily single.
 FlamingHotCheetos3
Joined: 5/6/2016
Msg: 84 (view)
 
Are women more attractive to men that are taken
Posted: 5/9/2016 9:33:26 PM
Yep. I once read a study that a wedding band makes a man 10x more attractive to women, regardless of how he actually looks. The "logic" behind this was he was already pre-screened by another woman unlike a single man who is an unknown entity. It's also along the lines of, "If someone has him, he must be worth having!"
 FlamingHotCheetos3
Joined: 5/6/2016
Msg: 30 (view)
 
Why are guys online so biased against black women
Posted: 5/9/2016 9:24:55 PM
This is nothing new. Black women and Asian men (East & South) are among the 'least popular' when it comes to online dating. Of course people may say "I find people of all races attractive" but very few actually date all races.

These links go a bit more in depth:

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=HjSh_esW9W4

http://yourblackworld.net/2016/04/17/sxual-racism-against-black-women-and-asian-men-exposed-by-the-daily-show/

http://madamenoire.com/502861/online-dating-doesnt-work-for-black-women/
 
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