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 Author Thread: New POF mobile, terrible
Joined: 3/15/2009
Msg: 4 (view)
New POF mobile, terrible
Posted: 7/1/2015 5:03:56 PM
Whatever they have done, I'm not a fan. Since Monday, whenever I log on through my phone, it often doesn't allow me access to many of the functions that I had before. I'm literally stuck on one screen. When I click on main menu (nothing happens) as of now, it's useless for me to log on to attempt to check messages or do searches. I think once or twice within the past few days, the site was the "old way," allowing me to navigate the site as usual.
Joined: 3/15/2009
Msg: 3 (view)
Mr. Right
Posted: 2/21/2015 10:43:27 AM
(KILLER LINE: you are the 2nd woman i called baby.." Sweet??? No its not yet finished! Theres a continuation: " to my wife" lol??)

If a man ever said that to me, I would HARDLY consider that brownie points...guy #3 shouldn't be an option.

OP, you should get divorced 1st?? You've indicated you are separated but have been raising your 9 y/o daughter alone for the past 8 years.
Joined: 3/15/2009
Msg: 6 (view)
For men who find it difficult to get ladies on POF or any dating site
Posted: 2/21/2015 9:33:04 AM
(It really lowers your self esteem. You might think you are ugly or not desirable.)

I do no feel a person's self-esteem level should be based upon their success or failure rate with online dating. If anyone allows someone who does not know them to do this, then I feel it is an indicator that they cannot handle rejection...something that ALL of us experience in life...and perhaps OLD isn't for them. I do not even allow someone I know to lower my's acquired from within.

(Thats how I felt, until I decided to meet some "real " women at the club, in school, at work I notice that there are so many women out there yearning for someone to talk to them.)

So if a person turns another person down, they are not "real?!" I think they are...the person is being "really" honest in terms of their level of interest in the particular other person. Why waste a person's time if you are not interested in them? This is applicable to both genders and IRL situations.

(Honestly give this a shot .The best women to get are the ones who claim they have a boyfriend.)

OK then! I find MOST women will tell a man they have a boyfriend/are in a relationship because it actually is true. And others use the excuse because they aren't interested in the man who has approached them and they get the vibe the man could possibly turn hostile if the woman politely tells him she's not interested. The third option would be the immature women who plays the "I like to play games and no means yes" type of thing...
Joined: 3/15/2009
Msg: 9 (view)
Is being a mature student considered to be undesirable to women
Posted: 2/21/2015 7:28:57 AM
Taylorswiftssickbeats, I'm rather confused.

(I am now in my late 30s and am very close to graduating and all the girls in the campus is off my age range, therefore making seeking relationship with them impossible.)

Your profile states you are 33 y/o...which is NOT late are you "one of those" who shaves off several years of your actual age?!

You have indicated on your profile you have a PhD...and you are saying women are hesitating to date you because of this?! So you either have a Masters or Graduate degree, and people are hesitating to date you because you are working towards your PhD?? Doesn't make sense...

Also, I would find it hard to believe there aren't any women on your campus in their 30s who are enrolled in the Masters/Graduate/PhD programs...are you having a hard time "meeting someone on campus" because you are in late 30s and are maybe going after the 18 or 20 y/o undergrads on campus?
Joined: 3/15/2009
Msg: 8 (view)
Continuing continuing.....
Posted: 2/16/2015 4:39:49 AM
(My god would you please shut the Hell up already... Move on, and get off the ask a Girl thread... no one will ever be able to understand or care what you are saying unless you learn to use paragraphs and speak succinctly .... if you can't so that get a therapist!)

I cracked up (no pun intended) when I read this! There definitely appears to be some "Ticki ticki boom boom" going on in someone's head! When I saw the thread, WHY was I getting flashbacks of the Seinfeld episode where the dogs were barking loud in the street and Elaine went to Jerry's window and screamed "shut up" with ALL HER MIGHT!?!
Joined: 3/15/2009
Msg: 55 (view)
Time Length During Chats?
Posted: 2/15/2015 8:36:19 PM
(Well I ended up calling that guy, we talked for 30 minutes on the phone, actual talking. He says he hadn't called or texted me over the phone due to him being unsure on if he should. He wasn't sure if I was busy or not so he didn't want to take the chance in bothering me if he did hit me up over the phone.)

If a grown man said that to me, whether he was 21 y/o or 41 y/o...I would laugh in his ear or face and say "that's what voice mail is for!" Any person with a brain knows there will be times you call someone who isn't near their phone or unable to answer. If he was THAT concerned, he could have easily text you to set up a time. As far as reception, you were able to talk this time and he had reception, all you have to do is take a chance and MAKE THE CALL.

Hopefully while you had him on the phone, the both of you thought enough to let the other know when are the more convenient times to call.

(Bus routes he probably didn't know which one to take all the way down here so he didn't bother using that method either.)
By going on the internet, it shouldn't be difficult for the BOTH of you to figure out how to get to the other, or at least meet each other 1/2 way to hang out. And if that can't be done, then people DEFINITELY should not be trying to date.

(And he did ask me if he could call me back or call me more and text me more "often".)

I would have said DO NOT increase the amount that you are texting me, pick up the phone and call me."

I hope things change for you if you really like this guy. As long as everyone involved acts like adults and uses common sense when it comes to knowing the importance of communicating using your actual voice, there shouldn't be a problem.
Joined: 3/15/2009
Msg: 51 (view)
Time Length During Chats?
Posted: 2/15/2015 6:43:20 PM
Then if he TRULY wants to date you, he should know he needs to make time to allow the both of you to physically speak, hear each other's voices...hear the emotion/enthusiasm/interest as you two are getting to know each other. Flat out tell him this. This isn't anything outrageous!

I don't know how often or how many times you have seen each other, but it shouldn't be difficult for you two to have at least 2 REAL conversations a week?! It's not as if it has to be a 2 hour conversation. Again, if he truly is interested, he will make time.

Actions speak louder than words...but bottom line is ya'll NEED to physically SPEAK ;-)
Joined: 3/15/2009
Msg: 93 (view)
today's TV shows totally SUCK
Posted: 2/15/2015 5:08:57 PM
I agree...actually, I got rid of my television around 2010. On average, I probably watch 2 shows that I view on my computer a week now. Between 2007 to present, I've watched more television when I was in Hong Kong, Tokyo and Switzerland as opposed to the US.

When the weather is too bad to go out or the rare times I am sick, I get my overload of favorite old shows:

-Three's Company
-The Jeffersons
-All In The Family
-Golden Girls
-Family Matters
-The Facts Of Life
-Night time oldies but goodies soaps: Dallas/Dynasty/Falcon Crest/Knots Landing...yeah, I was the 8 y/o who religiously watches these!
-Law & Order
-Martin/In Living Color/Married With Children
-Seinfeld/Friends/Will and Grace
-The Sopranos
-Sex And The City

And when I want to see things that were well before my time:
-The Munsters
-Addams Family
-Little Rascals
-The Three Stooges
-Laurel and Hardy

When I was on an 18-hour flight to HK, my co-worker tried his best to get me to watch episodes of the Atlanta and California Housewives...but I just couldn't...way too ratchet/ghetto for my taste...
Joined: 3/15/2009
Msg: 13 (view)
Severe competition amongst middle-aged ladies at social events. How to get more men OUT to the party
Posted: 2/15/2015 4:33:22 PM
(The women get drunk & aggressive. They chase the men. If a man finds another woman attractive, the women attack that woman, to drive her out, like a herd of stampeding elephants.
There was a rumour that a woman had gotten her femur broken in Poughkeepsie NY during a mixer bec. 3 other drunken women shoved her.)

Wow, how ratchet...sounds like an episode of "The Wannabe Housewives Of POF" if it existed...
Joined: 3/15/2009
Msg: 14 (view)
Ask him out
Posted: 2/15/2015 3:30:50 PM
I don't think it's too forward at all to ask a man out...go for it. I would ask him within the next couple of days. He could be active outside of work...the longer you wait, the more you increase the chance that he could have something planned.

I would even take it a step further. If you are also asking him because you are interested in getting to know him better, why not ask to meet somewhere simple and casual a week or two before the actual event, especially since it is a month from now. Maybe meet at a nice coffee house or place for drinks or place for brunch...keeping it casual. If you ask him to the event and he accepts, you could say something like "great...if you happen to have free time within the next couple of weeks, maybe we could meet at (place)...would like to catch up with you." And I would pay for the coffee/drink/brunch or whatever. At least that's what I would do, if I was interested in him.

 Dragracer428, I guess you were posting at the same time I was...we're kind of on the same page ;-)
Joined: 3/15/2009
Msg: 49 (view)
pictureless profiles
Posted: 2/15/2015 1:52:06 PM
(the bare minimum is private images and they should show them after the first or second email.)

So true...which is why the idea of someone claiming they can't post an image is BS, at least IMO.
Joined: 3/15/2009
Msg: 49 (view)
Time Length During Chats?
Posted: 2/15/2015 1:41:30 PM
(No we did not. I want to call him but I don't want to call him unannounced or usually when I do call someone they never answer or even listen to their voicemail messages I leave. So why try calling when I know how it will turn out?)

This is NOT normal...

You two need to communicate like normal human beings. Call him, leave a message telling him to provide a general time as to when it's convenient to speak...say you want to see how he's doing and hear his voice.

While we all have lives, it doesn't take much effort to communicate the general times that it is best to be called. For example, when I'm dating someone, they know the weekends at any time and Mon-Fri you are more likely to get me after 7pm. Of course there is a chance they will have to leave a message, but I return their calls...because I truly want to communicate with them.

If a man claimed he was interested in me, yet he couldn't find the time for us to ever SPEAK via telephone, I would think he was socially awkward, was seeing someone else, or really wasn't into me but was just seeing how far he could string me along.

While my phone isn't glued to my hip 24/7, I do at least glance at my phone about 3-4 times a day...even if I'm busy. Most people I know under 30 y/o jump to grab their phones if it makes the slightest noise. Even if he doesn't check your voice mail, his phone will tell him you left a message even if he didn't even type his password for his voice mail.

When an adult is truly interested in someone, they will WANT to hear the other person's voice, especially if the two of them are not in a situation where they can easily see each other. And you do not have to talk on the phone daily. There is something about hearing the enthusiasm in a person's voice when you speak with them that is really special...or the fact that even if they are busy, they take 15 minutes out of a 24-hour day to see how you are doing or let you know what is going on with them. If you had this, you wouldn't need to question if he's into you.

If you're not careful, MetalBrony...this childish scenario will continue to drag out...because YOU are allowing it. Don't you think you deserve better?

Sounds like someone who isn't confident. Call many times have you picked up the phone and CALLED him so far? And if you have called him a few times, left messages and he has NEVER picked up the phone to call you back...then you have your answer...he's not truly interested.
Joined: 3/15/2009
Msg: 18 (view)
what is the difference between a few extra pounds and BBW?
Posted: 2/15/2015 11:59:38 AM
2 were professionally done and 2 were taken by a friend in my apartment ;-)
Joined: 3/15/2009
Msg: 16 (view)
what is the difference between a few extra pounds and BBW?
Posted: 2/15/2015 11:26:59 AM
I think you have to factor in someone's height AND build.

Woman A: 5'2" and a size 12
Woman B: 5'7" and a size 12

I would classify woman A as a petite BBW. Woman B, due to her height, there's a major chance she's not going to look like a BBW, but more like a few extra pounds.

I agree with the photos of you wearing a fitted dress or top and pants that shows your shape...doesn't have to be revealing of course...and let the guys who view your profile decide.

Everyone is different. I have 2 friends who are the same height and wear the same clothing sizes, yet they have very different weight friend's body is considered overweight while the other friend's body isn't.
Joined: 3/15/2009
Msg: 9 (view)
No Hobbies listed = Not worth talking to.
Posted: 2/15/2015 6:37:53 AM
(I don't know what it is about this place that makes so many people think they've got someone "all figured out" based on a profile.)

I honestly do not think MOST people feel they have someone "ALL figured out" based upon their profile...BUT on the other hand, let's not forget the types of photos a member chooses to post, along with an introduction telling a little about themselves, which would include interests (something that all of us should be capable of doing) is a form of a first impression. Also there are MANY things that people can say on their profiles that will determine whether or not the person reading it is a potential match.

If a man I find somewhat attractive has written several hobbies/interests/goals that I also have, I'm more likely to reach out to him or respond as opposed to the guy with nice photos, but he chose to type a bunch of characters just to make the minimum. While I of course do not have him all figured out, when a guy doesn't write anything on his profile, it tells me he honestly doesn't care, which he should because it can make or break whether or not if many want to respond. Of course, this isn't gender-specific. Also, if all of the interests and hobbies a man mentions are totally different from mine, I'm also least likely to contact them since most people like doing those things in their free time.

If a guy says he's a homebody, he is into video games and is 420-friendly, shows pictures of him sitting on his couch and he appears 25 lbs or more overweight...does that mean I have him "all figured out?" No...but it will definitely tell me we are most likely not a match. BTW, I actually received a message from a man in his late 30s like this a while back...and that's all he had as his interests.
Joined: 3/15/2009
Msg: 18 (view)
pictureless profiles
Posted: 2/15/2015 4:08:23 AM
(I also didn't like the idea of being contacted by men who were judging me based on my looks, but wouldn't extend me the same courtesy.)

My thoughts EXACTLY. This is why I have the restriction where I cannot receive messages without a photo. However, I occasionally receive messages from guys who will look at my profile first when they didn't have a pic posted, only to place a random image of something in their profile just to be able to email me. I block them.

(Most of the red flags I see here come with photos attached.)

I have to agree with that as well. Recently, I received a message from a particular guy who had several photos. One of them (not his main photo) was of him shirtless. He had major flabby man boobs and a belly...but had indicated athletic as his body type. MAJOR red flag!
Joined: 3/15/2009
Msg: 82 (view)
Women who usually wear heels and men who lie about their height
Posted: 2/15/2015 3:44:32 AM
(They believe it should all be spelled out and proven ahead of time -- which, if you think about it, basically means they are forcing people to lie about all kinds of compatibility issues just to meet or get a first date.)

I disagree. No one is forcing a grown man OR woman to lie about their characteristics, things in their life, etc. The person is CHOOSING to lie because they are so desperate to be with someone to fulfill their own personal the point where they are willing to have the other person's wants or needs to not be met.

Do you know how many guys I've seen on here who have profiles stating they are between 38 and 40 years old...yet on other sites, they are in their middle to late 40s?! I've even seen one guy on here who has indicated he has an advanced degree on POF, but has indicated "high school" on another site. And before anyone says women do it too, I'm NOT doubting some do it...they do it because they are willing to do misrepresent themselves for selfish reasons.

I'm grown up enough to know not every man on this planet will find me attractive or interesting...even if I'm interested in them. Such is life, right?! That is why you keep looking (whether online or IRL) until you find the right person for you...putting your TRUE self forward. For some people, it happens easily, for some it will take time...again, it's called life.

So when I have an initial meet and the guy shows up 25 lbs heavier, looking almost 10 years older than his posted photos and even a couple of inches shorter than indicated...should I focus on "what's between his ears" and in his heart? Absolutely not. When I've encountered this, it makes me question the validity of other things that he has either said on his profile or during our telephone conversations. I've always found if someone lies about something that you clearly can see, you'd better believe they aren't telling the truth about things you can't. Who wants to initiate a relationship based on that...because they clearly want to be with you BASED ON HOW YOU PRESENTED YOURSELF.
Joined: 3/15/2009
Msg: 10 (view)
Time Length During Chats?
Posted: 2/9/2015 5:17:45 AM
You sound like someone who is clingy and immature. You spoke to a grown man (who I assume has a life and many responsibilities) for TWO HOURS STRAIGHT, and then a few more times within the same day...and you question I'm assuming this has happened AFTER he's met you?!

Most people who are actual couples who are not living together do not even speak that long daily on the phone on a daily basis. Even when I'm dating someone, we only tend to see each other 2 or 3 times a week and chat on the phone a few times a week...

Instead, why not initiate a 2nd date (nothing wrong with a woman doing this) so you two can spend more time face-to-face and determine if these 2 hour telephone calls are worth it?
Joined: 3/15/2009
Msg: 83 (view)
Your relationship theme song(s)
Posted: 2/8/2015 5:21:29 PM
Sade "Lover's Rock" and "No Ordinary Love"

The Isley Brothers "Between The Sheets"

Patti Austin & James Ingram "How Do You Keep The Music Playing"

Luther Vandross "If Only For One Night"

Mariah Carey "My All"

Extreme "More Than Words"

The Cure "Lovesong"

Amy Grant "I Will Remember You"
Joined: 3/15/2009
Msg: 126 (view)
Weight difference in pics?
Posted: 2/8/2015 3:54:11 PM
I do not think there is anything wrong with men OR woman having standards/preferences when it comes to looks. The only time when it becomes superficial is when a person is solely stuck on looks and is willing to be mistreated or be with someone who they are not reasonably compatible with just to be with the perceived "hot person."

People should be honest and post photos that shows what their current body looks like. I've seen guys stress they were a "former semi-pro or former college" this or that...only to meet them and they have a double-chin, beer belly and/or love handles. Show what you look like NOW so I can make an accurate decision.
Joined: 3/15/2009
Msg: 124 (view)
Weight difference in pics?
Posted: 2/8/2015 2:58:41 PM
(I'm confused about the terms, a few pounds over, curvy, voluptuous overweight, BBW, obese, etc)
(I imagine if I'm confused, other people are too.)

Just within America, you could go to different parts of the country, even speak to people of different ethnic backgrounds and social status...and you would get all different types of answers/perceptions of these body types.
When it comes to some women I know, I've experienced:

-Woman who is 5'9" who cried because she is a size 6...saying she's fat...really?!?

-Woman who is 5'3" and a size 14 who considers herself "thick" but not fat or overweight.

-Woman who is 5'4" with a waist that was easily 34", yet she considered herself hourglass

-A friend who is 5'5" and a size 4 who considers herself fat. I said I'm 5'8" and wear between a 6-8, so I must be a blimp to you. She said she thought I shouldn't lose anymore if I was skinny...huh?! I'm NOT skinny!

I exercise on a regular basis. I consider myself in shape, with a medium hourglass figure...not skinny, but no where near BBW. But I would rather have full body photos posted and let the guy who's viewing my profile decide if he finds me attractive enough to send me an email or reply to mine...hopefully he cares to actually read my profile as well.

A guy who mostly dates women who are a size 0-4 might find a woman like me heavy...yet the guy who mostly dates BBWs might find me least this is what I've noticed with my male all depends on their opinions and who they are used to being with.

(I once was contacted by a gentleman who wanted to talk on the phone.
So, I call him up.. and we seemed to be getting along great.. suddenly.. out of the blue.....he mentions that he only dates "SLENDER" women.. my response was to gasp... "SLENDER?????"
He hung up.)

Because he saw your profile and contacted you, I'm thinking he saw your photos and found you attractive...and maybe got scared by your response...maybe he thought you would be heavier in person as opposed to your photos?? It's common for someone to not read a profile, but very seldom does someone not pay attention to photos.
Joined: 3/15/2009
Msg: 9 (view)
what do pics like mine say to a girl
Posted: 2/8/2015 7:02:31 AM
I agree, in some of the photos you look older, body looks different as well. I would think you were going to be one of those guys who shows up looking 10 years older than your better pics...which would make me hesitant to meet.
Joined: 3/15/2009
Msg: 6 (view)
Not sure how... but now a girl is calling me hot and wants to blank me...? Should i go for it?
Posted: 2/8/2015 6:53:28 AM
Tell her you think she's a buttaface, but what the heck, you'll sleep with her...just MAYBE, it could lead to a relationship...hopefully she's not that dumb to go ahead.

Although she approached you, if you honestly aren't into her (besides treating her like a potential sex toy), leave her alone.

Didn't you recently post on here whining about how a woman treated you?!
Joined: 3/15/2009
Msg: 110 (view)
One-word first messages: am I being too picky?
Posted: 2/8/2015 6:34:32 AM
(This is not exclusive to men.)

Like with anything we discuss here, I'm sure both genders experience it...

When a guy contacts me with "nothing to say" (whether in his profile and/or email), it makes me think the following:

-He isn't too bright
-Poor conversationalist/boring
-Poor social skills
-Perhaps he thinks he's all that...thinking he just needs to post a few pics and he thinks the women will be flocking to him

All a major turn-off in my book...hence, no response.

Although it is impossible (and no need) to post your "whole life story," my profile is detailed enough where, if a man has strong comprehension skills and honestly sees himself for who he is, he can determine if we are a potential match...of course there are no guarantees in life.

Even IRL, a person should have more to say than just "hi." With OLD, the fact that a person is even sending an email is automatically a form of saying "hi" before the receiver even opens the message, at least in my what else do ya' got?!

I wish there was a way to see how many of the members who have nothing to say in their profile AND messages are actually reaching out to members who do the same...
Joined: 3/15/2009
Msg: 568 (view)
Men's Frustrations in Online Dating
Posted: 2/7/2015 7:10:50 AM
If a man who has caught my eye offers to buy me a drink, I will accept and initiate conversation with him to see if I should get to know him better. If I'm interested, I will then insist on buying the next round of drinks. At the end of the conversation if I feel we have things in common and there is chemistry, I will offer my number...if he calls, he does and if he doesn't, then I simply think of it as a pleasant brief encounter.

I find men are very flattered when a woman offers him a it's a red flag that she is in fact interested in what he has to say. Even the guys who are on the traditional side as to feeling "men should always do they buying..." I think in the end they like it because they do not often experience it.

I will politely turn down a drink from a man who I know I wouldn't be interested in...
Joined: 3/15/2009
Msg: 95 (view)
One-word first messages: am I being too picky?
Posted: 2/6/2015 7:15:48 PM
Initial messages do not have to be anything major IF the guy has a well written profile that gives me an ideal as to his interests, what he's looking for, etc. With a good profile, a guy could just say "hello, I like your profile. Take a look at mine and if you like what you see, I hope to hear from you."

The men I've dated on here probably just said 1 or 2 sentences when first contacting me, but had 1 to 2 short paragraphs which caught my interest.

But what's really irritating is when a guy has a profile that says things like:

-I don't know what to say in these things.

-If you have any questions for me, just ask. (Hello?! You're the one who sent me a message!)

-I don't want to say too much on here, because when we meet, what will we have to talk about (yet they that's all they literally say in their profile, so couple that with their "hi" email to they honestly think I would be interested?!)

-Or the WORST is when they write the alphabet to meet character requirements, and then have the audacity to say "hi."

I have been in situations like this on here where the guy actually had attractive photos...but I didn't respond. If a grown man doesn't have the ability to create 5 sentences in a profile and 1 sentence in an email...they will not come across as worth getting to know.
Joined: 3/15/2009
Msg: 94 (view)
One-word first messages: am I being too picky?
Posted: 2/6/2015 6:52:41 PM
(Whether I get 5 or 500 messages in my inbox I like what I like. If none of the messages I get are from someone I have interest in, then that's it. The quantity isn't relevant.)

I totally agree...but I feel certain men, at least ones that I have encountered, just DON'T get it.

Since being a member here, I've met a good amount of men (2 of which I had relationships with). I've had several men who would constantly put me on their favorites list, send messages, and do the "meet me" function...but I wasn't interested. A few would even open a new account to contact me again, even when I said I wasn't interested.

One guy who did this finally wrote me one last time and said something like "enjoy it now, because the day will come when no one will find you attractive." My response was something like "well if I'm single and that day comes, I will proudly live with it, for I do not want to be with a man who I'm not attracted to and/or feel compatible with just to say I have a man, nor do I owe it to a man to give him a chance just because he is interested in me..." And a man should feel the same way about me when I approach him.

I guess I'm not a needy woman...I will not waste a man's time or mine if things are not mutual.
Joined: 3/15/2009
Msg: 70 (view)
Women who usually wear heels and men who lie about their height...and those who love them
Posted: 2/6/2015 6:04:50 PM
(One of the first dates I had when I moved to Utah was with a woman who lied about her age by a whole decade. Met her POF.)

I really HOPE you ended the date quickly?! IMO, if someone lies like that (and you clearly could tell she did), it would make me nervous about the things she lied about but you couldn't tell right away...

I once had an initial meet with a guy...who showed up easily at least 25-30 lbs heavier AND about 3" shorter than his noted height! When we spoke on the phone, we had discussed our previous OLD experiences. I mentioned how some of the men showed up substantially heavier and/or older than their photos. I told him that is the main reason why I prefer meeting for coffee or a simple drink for the first gives BOTH parties the chance to nip it in the bud if they felt the other had misrepresented themselves, or if they simply were not feeling it. When we talked on the phone, this guy went on and on how he was "in the gym 4-5 days per week." I joked that I was a medium built/yet in shape/curvy woman who exercises, but will never reject a burger (lol)...he actually kept asking about my gym habits to the point where it made me feel if he questioned if my photos represented what my figure currently looked like...which they DID.

I didn't get offended, because I know people misrepresenting themselves isn't gender specific with OLD...most if not all of us have been through it. I showed up at the bar wearing a casual, yet relatively fitted dress. When I saw he was shorter and heavier...I think I might have glared at him with a slight smile, all while saying "hell no" in my head!

I think I stayed for 10 minutes...

But there's something about guys who tell me they are 5'9" or sometimes even 5'10". Every single one of them have been shorter than me...and I will purposely wear flats for the initial meet (although I mostly wear heels in my every day life).

Because of this, I tend to choose 6'1" and taller when I do an advanced search...I guess to increase the probability a man shorter than me will not show up?!?

Joined: 3/15/2009
Msg: 89 (view)
6's don't get 10's
Posted: 2/6/2015 5:12:18 PM
(I don't think Rob Evans looks like a body builder, he is just ripped and in shape, just how I like it.)

Neither do I...I only said the muscular comment because someone had previously mentioned body builder type guys. To me, Rob has the muscular build/model type body that you would see in an athletic commercial or print campaign, without being over-the-top...not into that "poppin' vein" look either :-)

(Some people never want those that too obviously like them)

Yes, I agree...yet, just because someone is totally upfront that they want you, it doesn't mean you are going to be attracted to them and/or feel you're a match in other ways.

(That's because they don't know how to lift...Otherwise nobody knows what the hell they are doing - and they look silly as hell jacking the weight up and down without bearing the actual weight with the resistance you need to build muscle.)

I agree. By NO means am I a bodybuilder or even fitness's actual ironic that my gym is a bodybuilder gym. OK, so I only joined for the's literally a one minute walk around the corner from my apartment!

It's always the types of guys you described who make the loudest/most annoying grunting noises when they call themselves lifting...yet the guys who actually have true body builder bodies or the even the guys who are in shape/regular muscular build don't do that!

For the most part, I tend to date guys who "I consider a 7-9 look-wise" (that's if I had to rank them)...I've also dated guys who were average looking but in good shape...but their personality, how they carry themselves and how they treated me made them a 10, at least in my eyes.
Joined: 3/15/2009
Msg: 83 (view)
6's don't get 10's
Posted: 2/6/2015 2:57:18 PM
(Ugh, Rob Evans is Tyra Banks' boyfriend. Lucky woman, and she is 14 years older than him. You go girl, this guy is my definition of physical perfection. A total 10, using that number scale that guys use on women all the time.)

While Rob is definitely hot (although not my type)...there wasn't anything major going on with him and Tyra...she's been dating Erik Asla, who is a fashion and fine art photographer since late 2013. They have been seen together a lot in NYC...someone I know saw them together and from their actions, they were DEFINITELY friend said he looked to be around 6'3", athletic without being too muscular and very blond. She even admitted she was seeing Erik on Access Hollywood last year, I believe.

I've NEVER been into uber-muscular men...I like muscular, yet not the body builder type. He doesn't have to have 6 or 8-pack abs, although I have dated men who look like that. As far as looks are concerned, I want a man who is into being active (even if some of the things we like are totally different)...but I want him to be healthy and have a body that actually looks like he goes to the gym or does exercise on a regular basis. I haven't gone to my gym in a year, yet I exercise using weight vests outdoors. There are many guys at my gym who I saw on a regular basis for YEARS, yet if you saw some of their bodies, you wouldn't think they ever stepped foot in a gym.
Joined: 3/15/2009
Msg: 40 (view)
the female (celebrity) body/fantasies+slaves to our biology
Posted: 2/2/2015 3:55:00 AM
I've never been jealous of a boyfriend's celebrity crush...

My celebrity male crushes:

Jon Hamm from Mad Men

Greg Vaughan

James Scott

Paul Satterfield

My female crushes:

-Angelina Jolie, but wish she would gain 10 lbs

-Dita Von Teese

-Sofia Vergara

-Sophia Loren (younger days, although she looks good for her age now)

-Jayne Mansfield

So far, I've had 2 POF crushes...
Joined: 3/15/2009
Msg: 43 (view)
Another Forumite's Party Experience...
Posted: 2/2/2015 2:36:55 AM
I think in many situations, people are quick to not want to believe a situation occurred...maybe because either the person who doesn't believe it would never behave that way so they can't imagine why anyone else would...maybe they've never seen anything like it firsthand...or maybe for whatever reason they do not want to believe the particular person experienced it?? Who knows.

Personally, I have been in situations or seen others experience something, whether it had to do with work, church, social settings, with family, etc to the point where if I was to tell you the particular story...I would DEFINITELY have to say "I couldn't make this up" and many, depending upon their mentality, still would not believe me...
Joined: 3/15/2009
Msg: 63 (view)
Why send a message if you know we're not a match?
Posted: 2/1/2015 4:39:26 PM
Why send a message if you know we're not a match?

I've had guys contact me saying they know we are not a match, but they still wanted to say hello.

Some people think you might disregard some of the important qualities you are looking for and give them a chance.

Some do it to "scold/insult" you... I've had men contact me, saying what I'm looking for is not realistic...every single time this has occurred, it was by a guy who clearly wasn't my type. I just ignore them. Some of the stuff that's been said to me I can tell the guy was hoping I would reply and start going off on him...because negative attention is better than none at least in some people's book.
Joined: 3/15/2009
Msg: 9 (view)
Another Forumite's Party Experience...
Posted: 2/1/2015 12:47:08 PM
(Why? Because a part of me understands. I'm a bit wtf but understand nonetheless.
At least, now I know who I am dealing with.
I think she is not aware that I am the type of girl that would never take a man from her and needs to feel secure with that knowledge.
Maybe shes had one too many women take her man? Who knows.)

Unless you had in the past shown behavior that you are the type of person who does this, it was wrong for your friend to potentially assume that you are this type of woman.

How difficult would it have been to ask you if you are having a good time, do you have the cash to get home if not she would take you?!

Also, I find often times women who are quick to "get another woman out of the way" do so because THEY are actually "the woman who tries to take the man" and/or they are insecure women.
Joined: 3/15/2009
Msg: 6 (view)
Another Forumite's Party Experience...
Posted: 2/1/2015 12:13:56 PM
(Could be that 'the driver' found a fellow she liked at the party and wanted to get together with him later. But had the decency to get her friend home first, since she was the 'driver'.)

That could be a possible scenario. Although whenever I or some of my friends have been in this situation, 'the driver' will usually pull their friends to the side and ask if they are OK with catching a cab or subway it wouldn't have been a big deal if this was the case.

That way, if the person who was driven is having a good time, they have the option of staying longer and getting to know the people they are mingling with.
Joined: 3/15/2009
Msg: 37 (view)
Would you date a bald guy?
Posted: 12/22/2014 8:00:53 AM
(Go bald, gracefully.

Comb overs, spiking your hair, any of that--just makes you look like you're clinging onto whatever you have left, for dear life. Its the male equivalent, of a plus sized girl, in denial, and wearing a dress 3 sizes too small.)

Totally agree!

I've dated 3 men who had shaved heads:

GUY #1: Black guy who wasn't going bald, but preferred a shaved head. He had a nice shaped head and nice facial bone structure...I personally find black men without hair more appealing.

GUY #2: White guy who wasn't going bald, just wanted to try something different. The entire year we dated, I had never seen him with hair. A year later after we broke up, he contacted me to go out to dinner. When I saw him, he had grown his hair...full head, but it was very fine. I honestly didn't find him attractive with hair, LOL! To me, he looked like a completely different person, physically not my type at all.

GUY #3: White guy...he's extremely blond. I honestly couldn't tell if he had a receding hairline or not...with his high cheekbones/chiseled facial features and blue/green eyes, his bald head was HOOOOOTTT!

These are men that I dated when I was between 28-39 y/o...I feel like seeing a man of any age/ethnicity with a shaved head has become more common within the past 10-15 years. So much better than the baseball cap or comb over!

I'd rather date a man with a shaved head (whether by choice or because he's balding) as opposed to a guy with a full head of hair that is long.
Joined: 3/15/2009
Msg: 51 (view)
Number of users showing up online increasing
Posted: 12/22/2014 6:30:15 AM
I've also noticed an increase in people online this month. Besides the fact that people "appear to be online" if they are on their mobile devices, I also feel perhaps some are thinking about their 2015 New Year's resolution of "getting back in the dating scene" or "meeting that special someone." Or maybe people have time off from work, using their "you snooze you lose" end of the year sick/vacation days? Personally, I would rather go to a Holiday party or spend New Years with someone I actually know...not a guy (even if he appears nice) who I literally just met a few weeks ago.

I've also noticed people can be a little more bitter during this time of the year. Within the past month, I've received an increase of messages from certain types of guys from my area, who call themselves telling me off and insulting me...yet I've never contacted them or even viewed their profile before. I'm talking about guys sending me rude messages at 3:30am...crazy! Just the other night this happened again...only for another guy within an hour to contact me doing the same thing stating "one of his friends referred him to my profile." So with all the people on here, they are so concerned with what I they think I'm their only option?!? One of my mail restrictions includes a member must have a photo to contact me. Both of these guys were clearly in their 40s. I just SMH and click the block button. They aren't worth the spit...or should I say keys it takes to tell them off with ;-)
Joined: 3/15/2009
Msg: 34 (view)
Posted: 11/5/2014 4:02:57 AM
It wouldn't bother me to date a guy who was a vegetarian or long as he wasn't trying to lecture me about my food choices.

While I am a meat eater, I only eat it when I crave it. Within the past couple of years, I often go a few weeks and have even gone months without eating it. As a kid in New England, meat/seafood was MAJOR in my house. But once I moved to NYC, I discovered many places where I could enjoy many vegetarian dishes...I think I simply became more open as I met different people who were vegetarian/vegan.

Sometimes meat does gross me out and ever since I was a kid, if you put a serving of meat on my plate and it still is attached to the will remain on the plate (I know that sounds silly, but it's true). I'll go weeks without...then the next thing I know, I'm craving a pasta dish with ground beef and sweet/spicy italian sausage.
Joined: 3/15/2009
Msg: 27 (view)
The reason why a man wont take you on a date and just want to chill at the house.
Posted: 11/3/2014 6:10:44 PM
(I would never have someone come over to my place that I dont know. Has nothing to do with money. It has to do with safety. Especially a stranger off the internet.)

I absolutely agree...I'm afraid we wouldn't get anywhere if a man wanted our initial meet or even 1st official date to be at his place or mine. I tend to meet a guy at our destination and have my own means to get home. I need to make sure that I want to date him and did he actually show up looking like his photos before I let him know where I live.

(And if HE asks me out, and doesnt have enough money for a cup of coffee (forget the $100 meals, I have no idea where that comes from) we are not going to be off to a good start.)

Agreed...not every woman is expecting an initial meet to be at a 5-star restaurant. To me a good rule of thumb is it should be a casual yet nice place where if you went wearing a pair of jeans/casual skirt and a nice top or a casual dress and if the guy can walk in wearing a simple polo shirt or top/jeans/khakis type of outfit, that's ideal.

For the record, I live in the NYC area and have gone out on dates in both the NYC area and NJ...there are plenty of places where you can go that are still nice where you don't have to spend $100 or more. I have male friends who make $100K or more a year and have also dated many guys who do...and they do not spend $100 or more on an initial meet or 1st date meal, UNLESS THEY CHOOSE TO...simply because there ARE plenty of nice places that aren't expensive.

If you want to avoid the typical Starbucks initial meet, there are numerous coffee shops or dessert shops that are slightly fancy that are not expensive. Or what about setting up a brunch date on the weekends? If the guy happens to ask the woman out, then he can choose the place where they are meeting, therefore make sure no one breaks the bank...whether he is paying or if they are going dutch. Not every inexpensive place to eat is a "whole in a wall establishment."

After a few dates or until both people are comfortable, that's when the fun stay-at-home cooking together dates while enjoying some wine...or catching a game on TV with some drinks & take-out can occur ;)
Joined: 3/15/2009
Msg: 652 (view)
Posted: 11/3/2014 3:23:14 AM
(Women online lie about age for the obvious reason: men are attracted to younger women. This because a good proportion of the women online have hit the WALL.)

I'm sure SOME do...but men do this as well with OLD. I get a lot of messages, profile views, and placed on fave list of guys who have indicated one age when creating their FREE profile...but will say a half-ass statement like "I'm really (fill in the blank with an age that is up to 10 years older), but POF won't let me change it!" Now mind you, most of these guys, their profile is only 3 to 5 sentences long...WHO ARE THEY FOOLIN'?!

I've even done a search on match (a while back I set up a profile but changed my mind about actually joining). I've actually easily found a couple of dozen guys who are also on POF...but on match they have indicated their age is several years OLDER. So the particular WALL that you are referring to, perhaps they've hit it as well?! ;)

I will never lie about my age...I actually find it funny where people refer to themselves as a "forty-something" instead of simply stating their age. I'm not insecure, nor will I ever be. If I wasn't getting older...I'd be dead! It goes without saying, if I'm fortunate enough to live long enough, I will obviously look older. All any of us can do is make an effort to take care of ourselves and keep it moving. But even if/when the day comes and I am no longer getting attention from the type of men I would date, I will not say "yes" to a man just because he's interested in me if the feelings are not mutual. Wouldn't that be unfair to him?!

(They will pretend they have a boyfriend when a guy they aren’t attracted to asks them out.)

Yes...and I've mentioned I am one of those women. By no means do I do it all the time, but when I'm around a man who knows good and well I'm not attracted/not interested in getting to know him and he STILL finds it in him to keep approaching me, I will say I have a man. One ignorant guy actually had the nerve to reply "I won't tell!"

As far as that "who's the daddy link," I'm afraid I'm not a part of the demographic of women who would do something like that. Baby daddy or baby momma drama has never been an issue for me/never experienced it...simply because of the type of person I am and the type of men I date.

(Women are very aware of the fact that men don’t want to date a woman who has been passed around like a blunt)

See, THAT'S the issue that I'm having...particularly where I live. Because the men know I'm NOT the type of woman you have makes them want to go after me and other women like me in my area even harder. Many of these guys have had the SAME woman as their boys and friends of their boys...even had kids by these women. (For the record, I live in NYC in an area where my apartment building alone has about 1,200 residents. Just the section of my street has about 25,000), so this scenario is easy to see.

As far as fudging when was the last time I had sex...I'm not that woman...but yes many women AND men do. I'm not ashamed of when I choose to or avoid having it. I am a responsible woman who does not lay with every man who sniffs my way. For the record, I have gone through significant lengths of times where I have not had sex, strictly by choice. I do not have an issue with getting attention from attractive single men, whether IRL or online...
Joined: 3/15/2009
Msg: 20 (view)
What do you like about your self?
Posted: 11/3/2014 2:05:08 AM
I like that:

- My current and former interests are extremely diverse and have everything to do with who I am instead of what I am (if that makes sense)...

-My creativity; it is a great feeling to walk into a store or look online and see something that I have developed...even better when I see someone wearing it.

-I'm confident/secure enough to enter a nice restaurant or bar alone and enjoy a good meal or martini...just because (I'm still shocked many of my friends say they could never do this).

-My body is healthy and strong enough and that I enjoy exercising...while wearing a 30 lb weight vest. Also, I'm confident enough to KEEP wearing my weight vests in public (own 3 different types), despite some of the ignorant comments and looks when I walk by certain women in my neighborhood.

-I enjoy makeup, but I've never felt the need to plaster it on to feel beautiful...less is more in my book. I'm confident, even at age 40 to go out without it.

-While I'm definitely not perfect, I'm thankful I'm able to keep my measurements in check according to how I eat and exercise.

-I'm thankful that despite working in the fashion industry, I have NEVER fallen into the trap of thinking you can't be beautiful if you're not a size zero or two.

-I have still achieved great things, despite the many people who have tried to prevent me from reaching my goals.

-I'm not a woman who needs to have a man in my life "just to say I have one."

-I'm still optimistic about love and the fact that good single men are still out there.
Joined: 3/15/2009
Msg: 57 (view)
This is a Black & White thing
Posted: 11/2/2014 4:39:46 PM
(And this is just my opinion (I could be wrong) I think you HATE being harassed on the street but at the same time you THRIVE off it)

NOT THIS WOMAN! It is sometimes an issue to the point where I will walk the next street over to avoid these particular guys or even take a car service to my nearest subway. I will even cross the street only to re-cross the street to get to where I'm going. I'm NOT one of those women who does the "not interested means I'm really interested" game playing. Again, I have been approached by white and hispanic men in my neighborhood and have turned them down. It's that certain type of black man (not all black men) who have treated me like that...but it happens frequently.

(But would you have really been interested in any of those black men if they approached you in a nice friendly manner ?)

If I didn't find them For the record, there have been some black men who have approached me in my neighborhood where I wasn't interested but we still say hello when we see each other...same with the white and hispanic men.

(The attention you or other women get from hotter f*ckable men is not something you’d complain about but something women take for granted.)

When a man who I find attractive approaches me in the wrong way...I have turned him down. Now maybe there are some women who will put up with a guy treating or acting towards them any type of way (scratch that...I know there are) but not THIS woman. For example...I used to frequent a place with a few friends on a regular basis. There was a man who knew one of my friends who happened to be interested in me...however I did not like how he approached me...despite the fact that I found him attractive and there were other things about him that could potentially cause certain women to overlook his approach. I turned him down.
Joined: 3/15/2009
Msg: 54 (view)
This is a Black & White thing
Posted: 11/1/2014 12:23:15 PM
I think many guys (regardless of ethnicity) will come at a woman from many inappropriate angles...just to see what he can get away with, especially online since they aren't face-to-face and will likely never encounter each other in real life in the event the woman doesn't go for it.

I think at this point my list of guys I've had to block is kind of even!

But I can say since being a member I have dated 2 white men from here...neither of which tried to discuss sex until I was ready to.
Joined: 3/15/2009
Msg: 23 (view)
What do you think about PoF forums?
Posted: 11/1/2014 9:29:11 AM
I enjoy reading the forums. A couple of years ago, I was an active participant, but now I stop by to mostly read with just a posting here and there.

I think it's interesting to hear a point of view (whether you agree, disagree or shake your head)...
Joined: 3/15/2009
Msg: 50 (view)
This is a Black & White thing
Posted: 11/1/2014 8:51:45 AM
(...people just go into some crazy battle mode when you are a black man, always looking down the ground when you walk know because they just assume, that if you give a black man any hope, they will pounce, and ladies, that mobile/cell phone thing is not fooling anyone, the way they whip their phones out, just so you don't talk to them, the way you will be talking a woman, chit and chat and they will tell you "they are married" ...just out of the blue.)

Poolliver134, what you just described I find is common in certain environments. I live in NYC, which we all know is rich in diversity. I can honestly say YES, I AM THAT WOMAN who does this...when necessary. I do not do this just because a man is of any race...I do it because of how the man is carrying himself and what I know of him. For the most part, when I'm around men who carry themselves with pride and are willing to accept not every woman will be interested in them, nor should they feel obligated to be (whether they are blue-collar or white-collar professional males), a woman will NOT find herself needing to do this.

Single women of ANY background will say they are married or in a relationship when they find themselves around a man who is interested in them but the feelings aren't mutual. I have told men I'm in a relationship when I've been single whenever I've found myself around a guy who can't seem to take no for an answer...or when I'm absolutely certain I do not want to be approached by that man again.

As far as black men specifically, when I find myself needing to do what you've described, it's not because he's a "black man." It's because he's a "certain TYPE of black man."

The population of my neighborhood is very diverse in terms of ethnicity. I have lived there since 1998, and have been approached by black, white and hispanic men. I honestly have never dated a guy from my neighborhood, as I've yet to encounter one that I'm interested in. Whether through online dating or in my every day life, I get approached by just as many white men as black men, followed by hispanic men.

Specifically when it comes to the black men in my neighborhood, there is a significant amount of them who are rather aggressive in their method of approaching women...and not in a good way. Imagine:

-Being polite and saying hello because a man greets you...and going forward that man follows you in a grocery store, or if he sees you in the local hair salon, he will come in to "conveniently" chat with one of the hair stylists or barbers...yet he's staring straight in your face the entire time while he's talking to these people. Has happened to me, more than once...very uncomfortable. This type of guy will just be in your face every time you turn around...

-Walking down the street on a NYC sidewalk (which is rather wide in my area). A man is walking towards you but not directly in your path. When he sees you, he will suddenly shift himself so that he is directly in your path so that he can try to talk to you/bump into you...even though he knows you're not interested in him?

-Many black men will try to MAKE you talk to them...even when you have clearly said and/or have shown behavior indicating you are not interested in dating them.

-Many will take it even further and will say snide comments about you as you walk by them, making sure they speak loud enough so you can hear them. They do this hoping you will get angry enough to say something back to least in that case, you are giving them some kind of attention.

-Many will act like they hate you when you politely say "no thank you" when they ask you out. Over the years in my area, I've been called all types of names (including b!tch), screamed at from across the street, etc. I know it sounds crazy (as it is). Never have I been treated like this by the white or hispanic men in my area who I've turned down...but unfortunately by a significant amount of black men, I experience this.

Again, while I do think men of any background can be aggressive (in a bad way), I've honestly found there is a certain demographic of black men who behave like this...not all. But I think it unfortunately happens enough in certain areas in America that causes women to do tactics that Poolliver134 described. We are simply trying to nip it in the bud/keep it moving so that we will not have certain least that's what many of my friends tell me. And sadly even as a 40 y/o woman, I still encounter men like this...frequently.

As far as educated middle to upper middle-class black men, they tend to back down when they see you clearly are not interested...although a few of my friends have said some will pull the "I'm an educated black man, I'm a rare breed and you should feel so lucky I'm interested in you" mentality...but I've seen white men who have this attitude as well if they are of a certain financial status...I won't put up with either...I'm simply interested or not, doesn't matter who you are.
Joined: 3/15/2009
Msg: 2 (view)
single long term...does it show
Posted: 7/13/2014 4:30:12 PM
OP, I'm not a man of course, but wanted to give my 2 cents :)

First, while I do feel a strong, mature woman who is a single parent can have a healthy dating life and be a good mom, I think it says a lot about you (in a good way) that you appear to have focused on your young children's well-being and transitioning them to being raised in a singe-parent environment.

While it's not impossible, I think maybe it is challenging because you still are young and you do not want any more children...which is your right, and I think it is best that you are upfront about it. However, keep in mind while there are people who never have kids (40 y/o woman typing this raises her hand), it will definitely cancel out a lot of men who are in their late 20s/early 30s who have not or are not ready to close that door yet. But there still are other men out there who do not mind women with children, and men who are divorced with kids.
Joined: 3/15/2009
Msg: 12 (view)
Do people read profiles?
Posted: 7/13/2014 4:05:48 PM
Some do, some don't. My profile probably takes about 2 minutes to read and I've indicated my name twice...yet I easily get several messages per week asking for my name.

But more important,'re a 19 y/o college student. Why aren't you and a few of your buddies attending college events or hangouts within a 25 mile radius...not just your school, but others as well?? You should easily be able to meet some girls in the 18-21 y/o range.
Joined: 3/15/2009
Msg: 121 (view)
Why do women wear shirts that show alot in public?
Posted: 7/13/2014 2:33:02 PM
If you're someone who is busty (such as myself), you're going to get stares no matter what type of top you're wearing.

Because of my body type (busty and medium built) v-neck tops and fitted ones (I'm not saying skin tight) are the most flattering for me. Baggy tops EASILY make me look like I'm a good 15 lbs heavier than what I am. What woman wants to look heavier, LOL?!

I tend to wear what I classify as fashion forward, yet classic clothing. I honestly do not wear what people would call "slutty clothing". And regardless, I get both men and women staring at my chest on a regular work or in a social setting.

It is human nature to quickly look or glance at something you find attractive, whether it's a person or thing. When I get ticked off is if I get vulgar comments or when someone is actually having a conversation with my chest and not me.
Joined: 3/15/2009
Msg: 9 (view)
Do condoms encourage more promiscuous sex?
Posted: 7/13/2014 2:00:49 PM
I disagree. If this is true, how do you explain the millions of people who regularly hook up without them? People have unfortunately been taking a gamble since the beginning of time...and will unfortunately continue to do so.
Joined: 3/15/2009
Msg: 27 (view)
Is it realistic?
Posted: 7/13/2014 1:45:44 PM
(In your opinion, is it realistic to expect one person to be able to fill all of your physical, intellectual, emotional, companionship needs?)

While I do think it's possible, it's not necessary in order to have a successful relationship...but he has to have the major characteristics/beliefs/interests that matter most to me. For example, you could introduce me to a man who I find absolutely HOT...but if we do not share the same values for the most part, it will not last. Same thing with a man who I do not find attractive, yet we share similar interests and beliefs.

(In a healthy relationship there’s some alone time that needs to happen, and some fun, shared activities that provide opportunities to bond. Spending all of our time together would be smothering and stifling for me.)

Agree with you 100%. And if I'm truly in a HEALTHY relationship, my partner will encourage me to explore my interests, even if it's something they are not into.
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