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 Author Thread: Am I Overreacting?
 Boots168
Joined: 3/22/2009
Msg: 28 (view)
 
Am I Overreacting?
Posted: 2/11/2012 5:24:39 PM
OP You are not overreacting for being her condolence prize.
 Boots168
Joined: 3/22/2009
Msg: 140 (view)
 
A man must love the woman more than the woman loves the man
Posted: 2/9/2012 10:21:15 PM
OP my mother always tells us if we aspire to have a happy and long lasting relationship "A man must love the woman more than the woman loves the man" too!

I do see some truth in it. I have this coworker who (I think!) is in her mid 50s, while her husband still looks very good at his age, I'd say she doesn't age just as well (she doesn't seem to know from the loving stare of her hubby). While they've been married for 20 years, what we find amazing is that he would still come pick her up after work almost everyday, take half day off to take her to the doctor when she is sick, and still send her flowers on her birthday.

Apparently that her hubby does love (a little bit) more than she does.
 Boots168
Joined: 3/22/2009
Msg: 11 (view)
 
Fell Hard Too Fast
Posted: 2/9/2012 9:30:21 PM
Hate to say this: Whoever falls *in* love record fast will fall *out* of love equally fast.

You are only nuts if you think you've just pushed a seemingly nice catch away. Chances are you just dodge a bullet. Congratz!
 Boots168
Joined: 3/22/2009
Msg: 331 (view)
 
Do you feel comfortable dating someone who is seperated
Posted: 2/6/2012 4:27:05 AM
For me separated = (still) attached

And no I won't date someone who is still attached, or recently divorced; I don't want to be the rebound girl, nor am I interested in going through all the potential drama and be there for him in the healing process.
 Boots168
Joined: 3/22/2009
Msg: 2 (view)
 
Friends Still?
Posted: 1/23/2012 4:21:01 PM
Should I even bother trying? I still have feelings for her.


Don't kid yourself, you can NEVER be satisfied being just a friend with your ex whom you still have feelings for, and be truly happy for her (without hurting inside) when errr she told you how sweet his new bf is to her yada yada.

So I'd say don't bother try, leave it and move on.
 Boots168
Joined: 3/22/2009
Msg: 7 (view)
 
Why deny?
Posted: 1/23/2012 3:57:14 PM
1) why is he denying it?

"Why Deny"? Well short answer is, some people (i.e. your husband) wants to have his cake and eats it.


2) either how do i work things out, as he says he wants me back or how do i get him to move on.

If you truly love him and you are someone who puts "love conquers all' into practice, well give him another chance? Otherwise, instead of getting *him* to move on, you are the one who needs to break free from the whole thing. And you know what you've got to do to end things already.
 Boots168
Joined: 3/22/2009
Msg: 4 (view)
 
France
Posted: 1/23/2012 5:03:03 AM
Been to France many times (twice in the first 5 months in 2011), really loved it there. And yes I can definitely imagine living there one day.
 Boots168
Joined: 3/22/2009
Msg: 14 (view)
 
ladies if you date someone younger..how young would u go?
Posted: 1/23/2012 2:12:52 AM
Looking back, most of my ex boyfriends were younger than me somehow. The youngest one I dated was 7 yrs apart (he: 32, me: 39), since he looks a bit older and yet acts much more mature than his age, we got along pretty well. Though from time to time, he still identified some catching up to do in terms of life experience, e.g. places I've traveled.

Depending on the maturity level and compatibility, I believe 7 years is the lower age limit I'd consider.
 Boots168
Joined: 3/22/2009
Msg: 58 (view)
 
Would you marry a girl 9 years older?
Posted: 1/21/2012 9:13:34 PM

He told me he would make me his wife, but he is worried about the age gap.


He already made his preference known, no? He wouldn't mind DATING you but marrying someone your age is quite another story.
 Boots168
Joined: 3/22/2009
Msg: 21 (view)
 
so, she gave me her #
Posted: 1/17/2012 12:09:16 AM
OP you should have called her as soon as she gave you her number, and remember women love surprises! Get my drift?
 Boots168
Joined: 3/22/2009
Msg: 160 (view)
 
Lets play is he a jerk or not a jerk!!!!
Posted: 1/15/2012 4:19:19 AM
If being honest with you makes him a jerk, yes he is a mega one.

Just because he is not as interested as you want him to be doesn't make him a jerk at all. Maybe you and your girl friends have been using this term a bit too loosely.

If, however, he tricked you into believing that you were the *only* girl he was seeing before you went on the date with him, yes he is a jerk. But I doubt it's the situation we have here though.
 Boots168
Joined: 3/22/2009
Msg: 10 (view)
 
Love her mind, but her body repulses me
Posted: 11/30/2011 12:30:48 AM
It's no brainer, do her and yourself a big favor - LEAVE HER!

If her body is such a big turn off for you, chances are you are going to stray sooner or later. So better be an a$$ and dumper her now than later.
 Boots168
Joined: 3/22/2009
Msg: 126 (view)
 
Emotionally Unavailable = Scared
Posted: 11/26/2011 3:45:32 PM
How to spot physically and spiritually unavailable men! ~ Natalie Lue

He has a girlfriend

He’s married

He’s recently separated

He has a long distance relationship

He’s very reliant on text messages, IM’ing and email for the majority of his contact

They’re ambiguous about the status of the relationship

You’re not sure when you’ll hear from the next, even though you’ve been dating them for a while

You think you’re in a relationship, but it’s closer to a booty call

He says stuff like ‘If only the timing was different, you’d be the perfect girlfriend’;’If only things were different I’d definitely marry you’

When you try to tackle the status of your relationship or any issues, he either tells you what you want to hear and then returns to his normal behaviour or he just skirts the issue. One way or the other, you wind up back at square one.

He lives with his ex

He shares a bed with a woman that he claims is his friend

He admits that he is dating multiple women continuously

He’s not over his ex – openly

He says he’s over his ex but he’s quietly still trying to cope with the end of the relationship

He mentions his ex or things that happened between the two of them often

He’s an overt mother lover – mummy’s boy

He’s a mother hater – has an overtly negative relationship with his mother

He doesn’t call when he’s supposed to. Ever.

He’s one big walking excuse.

You feel empty after you sleep with him.

He creeps out after sleeping with you even though you’ve been together for a while

He has a stringent routine that he just won’t deviate from – sometimes a sign that he has someone else

He won’t take calls either before or after a certain time – often a sign that he’s cheating

He doesn’t come around to your place until late

He is resistant to involving himself in your life

He talks about his problems, his successes, his life – it’s me, me, me all the way

He determines the momentum of the relationship – you meet up when he wants to meet up

He pushes for an ‘open’ relationship

He never refers to you as a girlfriend, partner or any form of significant other

He uses sex as his way of demonstrating his so-called ‘emotion’

There are pockets of time when he seems to just disappear, and then he resurfaces with little or no explanation

It feels like he blows hot and cold

He’s quick out the gate in pursuing you, gets your attention, and then goes into a slow canter

He tells you that he has a lot of issues that he needs to deal with

He actually says ‘I’m not ready for a relationship’ but is still with you

He says he wants to get married, but there is no sign of a ring, no sign of a date and years are going by

He can’t commit to anything, no matter how miniscule – everything that he’s asked, such as whether he can do something with you is a big drama to get him to say yay or nay

He’s got about as much emotion in him as a stone

He may try and sleep with you on the first night
 Boots168
Joined: 3/22/2009
Msg: 16 (view)
 
i dont understand...
Posted: 11/23/2011 9:29:19 PM
When they said they like you, I don't think they lied to you; they are being polite, that's for sure.

Apparently they just do not like you enough to stop fishing in the pond.
 Boots168
Joined: 3/22/2009
Msg: 18 (view)
 
friends or lovers
Posted: 11/17/2011 9:40:57 PM
You didn't mention why you broke up with your ex bf 8 years ago. Are the reasons still there? Have you been staying in touch all these years? His motive is quite fishy if he just shows up out of nowhere.

Either way, if he still loves you and truly wants you back in his life (and not looking for just an easy laid), he would respect your decision to stay as friends for now and not rushing into anything.

Both of you need time to heal from your recent breakup with someone else.
 Boots168
Joined: 3/22/2009
Msg: 23 (view)
 
Trying to understand
Posted: 11/8/2011 6:27:03 PM
The best way to see if someone really loves you as much as they claim they do is when you are in difficult times (or in a fight when you are obviously the one who is to blame), and not when the sailing is all smooth and happy.

Remember love is a VERB!
 Boots168
Joined: 3/22/2009
Msg: 32 (view)
 
Girlfriend won't give up on ex lover
Posted: 11/7/2011 2:26:08 PM
Do yourself a favor, leave this 'great' woman whom you have only been with for 5 weeks (or 5 months?) before you are telling us she asks you for money to help his ex cuz he has been put out of job.
 Boots168
Joined: 3/22/2009
Msg: 27 (view)
 
emotional!
Posted: 11/6/2011 3:13:45 AM

A few issues along the way on both sides, the relationship ended ... He is seeing someone ... I'm confused by this and not sure what to do about it.


So your ex is seeing someone new, isn't it something you gotta do as soon as the relationship ended too? What exactly are you confused about? Likewise, now I am confused too!
 Boots168
Joined: 3/22/2009
Msg: 27 (view)
 
hot and cold
Posted: 11/3/2011 10:40:29 PM
Maybe he was looking for someone who would put out on the first date? And yet after some heavy kissing and touching in his truck and didn't get any, he decided it was about time he turned on his charm to someone else?

If he would text and call a girl several times a day before he could *warm her up* , now his being less attentive behavior might imply he is someone with pretty good time management (hey he needs TIME to work on other prospects LOL), or is simply disappointed in his own achievement (or lack of), no?

No need to analyze this any further, time to move on and
 Boots168
Joined: 3/22/2009
Msg: 23 (view)
 
long distance wonder
Posted: 11/2/2011 7:14:33 AM
OP = Original Poster
 Boots168
Joined: 3/22/2009
Msg: 14 (view)
 
Keep Shy During A Date is Good or Not ?
Posted: 11/2/2011 2:57:50 AM
I'm sure there are guys who prefer less chatty girls, yet there's a fine line between being naturally shy or trying to appear shy (aka FAKE). Do you by default become a totally different person when you are not being around with your friends? Then again, you seem to have pretty good control over what image you want to project of yourself to your dates, no?

Either these guys were not interested in shy girls, or what you present yourself to be. At the end of the day, I'd like to assume that many of us would like to find someone whom we can also communicate with which goes beyond the smiling and looking into the eyes bit though.
 Boots168
Joined: 3/22/2009
Msg: 15 (view)
 
She want to slow things down.
Posted: 11/2/2011 2:35:00 AM
This new guy makes her realize something is missing in your relationship and she starts to have second thoughts about the potential exclusive status. Well at least she is being honest and you wouldn't be left wondering why she doesn't come back to you after spending more time with him ... when things come to an halt instead of just slowing down later.

Hope for the best and prepare for the worse. Good luck!
 Boots168
Joined: 3/22/2009
Msg: 47 (view)
 
Too much phone
Posted: 11/2/2011 2:28:20 AM
Can he only afford to spare just 10-30 minutes on the phone which is within his wife/gf earshot and no more? Sounds so sneaky ...
 Boots168
Joined: 3/22/2009
Msg: 20 (view)
 
long distance wonder
Posted: 11/2/2011 2:20:11 AM
Sorry he sounds like someone who lives in his very own fantasy world to me.

First he told you he bought a plane ticket, then he got panicked and cancelled ticket (OVER WHAT? did he actually issue the ticket or PLAN to buy it in his own head?), then he is afraid he can't live up to your expectations (WHAT? that he doesn't even have a job?)

3-5 hours plan ride is nothing! If he meant what he said, he wouldn't stand not able to meet you in person.
 Boots168
Joined: 3/22/2009
Msg: 11 (view)
 
What would you do
Posted: 11/2/2011 2:09:58 AM
Just because your ex contacts you again and says he wants you back doesn't necessarily mean he has not moved on. It's always easier to rekindle the passion with your ex than work on a completely new person, no?

Are the reasons for the breakup still there if you were together now? If yes, he is looking for some quick reunion fun.
 Boots168
Joined: 3/22/2009
Msg: 58 (view)
 
How many times you can accept for your date stand you up ?
Posted: 11/2/2011 1:52:33 AM
OP have you heard of The Ladder Theory? If not, google it and you will have better understanding of the rules of dating game and why you are the one who got stood up instead of this other girl.

Back to your question, unless his reasons (or excuses? LOL) are very very convincing, I will not accept flakes who make the last minute change of plan, let alone standing me up.

Life is short, don't waste your precious time on someone who doesn't deserve you.
 Boots168
Joined: 3/22/2009
Msg: 19 (view)
 
So what's she doing here?
Posted: 10/27/2011 11:04:23 PM
It's possible that she thinks you were more interesting online/on the phone before she spent sometime with you in person. It happens and it's called chemistry.

Move on when you are sick of being the only one who is making all the effort to keep things going then.
 Boots168
Joined: 3/22/2009
Msg: 10 (view)
 
uninterested in some one who messaged me (polite let down)
Posted: 10/27/2011 9:16:42 PM
I am becoming more convinced now and ever that some people just don't read the profile! They only have eyes on the pictures!

Therefore, no reply = polite let down
 Boots168
Joined: 3/22/2009
Msg: 39 (view)
 
He canceled the 2nd date 2 hours before!!! What gives?
Posted: 10/24/2011 1:17:30 AM
Write him off. You stand better chance with other guys than this flaky one.
 Boots168
Joined: 3/22/2009
Msg: 7 (view)
 
Have you ever lost yourself in hopes for finding the one?
Posted: 10/21/2011 12:10:01 AM
I do not like wearing any mask or sugarcoat anything. I think it's totally absurd when people demand me to change this and that just to show I care about them *enough* to do certain things.

I am equally happy if people choose to stay in my life, or they should feel free to simply pass me by if they do not find anything appealing in me or we do not have anything in common. Not that I am not flexible or accommodating, I simply don't think I can bring myself to change to the point of "losing myself" just to fit for someone's else 'ideal'. The following Dr. Seuss quote just comes across my mind:

"We are all a little weird and life's a little weird, and when we find someone whose weirdness is compatible with ours, we join up with them and fall in mutual weirdness and call it LOVE."
 Boots168
Joined: 3/22/2009
Msg: 198 (view)
 
Real Deal breaker Or just a way to justify behaving badly?
Posted: 10/20/2011 11:18:35 PM
Why would she claim to have Non negotiable deal breakers but totally ignore them ?
And if they are in fact non negotiable, why would she not be using them to eliminate those men that isn't a match, before meeting them?


I honestly do not see her totally ignore her non-negotiable deal breakers at all. If she did, she would have tried to work out something with you already. Likewise, why should she be writing off the many *almost* Mr Right and missing out all the fun, while she is waiting for her "Mr Right" to come along?


Can she be really serious about looking for a long term relationship if her long list of deal breakers eliminate 99.9 percent of the male population?


Just because you don't fit the bill 100% doesn't necessarily mean her list is unrealistic. What's wrong with her sticking to her personal preference so long as she can afford to pay for the price of being single that someone comes into the picture?

Why the facade?


Welcome to the dating world and mind you, it's not gender specific.

" If you only lived closer" line on me. There really was no need for it. I was under no illusions at all.


Likewise, there is no need to overthink it. The complete sentence would have been:

"(Too bad) if you only lived closer, (we could have done this more often, while these other male friends aren't available to me)."

To conclude, I don't think she was behaving badly, nor do I think she needed any justification for her choice/decision either.
 Boots168
Joined: 3/22/2009
Msg: 50 (view)
 
What Do You Consider Long Distance
Posted: 10/2/2011 2:10:38 AM
If you have to travel with a passport from where you are to where s/he is => long distance
 Boots168
Joined: 3/22/2009
Msg: 80 (view)
 
lose and tone
Posted: 9/30/2011 8:55:21 AM

You might want to give it a try:
Increase the Incline to 12,,,then do the 3...2...1 routine....this is 3 min @ 4.o mph, 2 min @ 4.5 mph and 1 min of 5.0 mph....repeat this 4 times, if you can do 5. After 4 weeks, step up .5 mph each segment....you can burn up to 500 calories in a session and it goes fast cause you have to pay attention to the change up.

After that I do 30-40 min of variable strength and resistance traing for my core, back fat and arms...it seems to be working


Thanx! I can't wait to give it a try tomorrow.
 Boots168
Joined: 3/22/2009
Msg: 20 (view)
 
This Makes No Sense
Posted: 9/29/2011 7:30:13 AM
If men were stamps, she is possibly a stamp collector ...
 Boots168
Joined: 3/22/2009
Msg: 27 (view)
 
I need advice badly!!! BTW this is a long post fyi.
Posted: 9/28/2011 9:20:02 PM
I'm not sure why you think either of them even worth your time trying to figure them out in the first place. Isn't it very obvious to you they are only after some uncomplicated fun with innocent woman like yourself?

Do yourself a favor, send them back to where they belong ... unless you don't mind messing with "men on loan".
 Boots168
Joined: 3/22/2009
Msg: 3 (view)
 
Lets Just Be Friends
Posted: 9/26/2011 10:33:10 PM
Do know that when she described her "type" it was not me. Talks alot about her ex's some days. I try to change that subject quickly. But she wants to know about mine. No idea why.


We do like to talk about our ex for the sake of it from time to time, doesn't necessarily mean anything nor she is interested in getting to know you better either. Hmmm sounds like she is not over her ex yet ... and you are pretty clear you are not her type. Not sure how well you can handle the 'friendship' with her if you have been infatuated with her for so long but I'd say no harm to stick around ... while you are waiting for your princess to come along.

Good luck!
 Boots168
Joined: 3/22/2009
Msg: 32 (view)
 
Girl wants to take it slow
Posted: 9/21/2011 1:09:49 AM
If you have been seeing each other for 2 months and yet she isn't comfy being referred to as "your girl", it says alot what she sees in you.

It doesn't really matter what reasons she gives you (applying to med school and where she might end up blah blah blah), do yourself a favor, let her/yourself go.
 Boots168
Joined: 3/22/2009
Msg: 394 (view)
 
What makes a woman over 40 sexy?
Posted: 9/12/2011 4:52:31 PM
Hmmm I honestly have no clues cuz I was born THIS way! LOL

P.S. Being *older* doesn't necessarily make you sexier, it's really all about the attitude, the confidence, the substance on the inside and the way you carry yourself.
 Boots168
Joined: 3/22/2009
Msg: 9 (view)
 
Not too sure what he meant by saying this....
Posted: 9/11/2011 10:38:25 AM
When a guy says,
"he wasn't sure abc because of xyz reasons"
"Well whatever you want, its up to you..."

What he's implying is, while I don't really see you in my future, YET I wouldn't mind hooking up with you every once in awhile. Just don't expect more than I've already given you and pls enjoy the ride as long as it lasts.

When my friend told her married boyfriend last Sept he got her preggo and if she should keep the baby, he said "whatever you want, it's up to you." Now he keeps reminding her the kid is all HERS cuz it was HER decision to keep it.
 Boots168
Joined: 3/22/2009
Msg: 6 (view)
 
When to call a girl after a successful date?
Posted: 9/10/2011 9:53:28 PM
You should call her just any day which ends with the letter Y.

Why wait? Why bother all these silly rules?
 Boots168
Joined: 3/22/2009
Msg: 17 (view)
 
How can we lead to marriage without sex before marriage
Posted: 9/10/2011 9:50:07 PM
I am Chinese too so I could relate to where you are coming from.

Don't worry whether you will keep THIS guy, if he is truly in love with you, he will respect your decision, otherwise he is not the one for you. Just do whatever which makes YOU happy and good luck!
 Boots168
Joined: 3/22/2009
Msg: 87 (view)
 
Marriage Duration
Posted: 12/26/2009 7:16:00 PM
Am I the only person who thinks that single means "I have never been married?"

Nope you are not! For me single = never married AND never divorced

For sure some people does like to interpret 'singlehood' in their own special evasive ways, and just because they ARE available now doesn't mean they are 'single' in my book, even someone who is married can be available too - married but available aka MBA. Being single and available is one thing, being just available to start afresh after a divorce (even it's been decades ago) is quite another.

These days when guys tell me they ARE single, I'd ask them ' so ever been married before?'or 'got an ex wife?'
 Boots168
Joined: 3/22/2009
Msg: 6 (view)
 
is he back?
Posted: 11/29/2009 4:59:13 AM
It's always easier to pick up where you left off ... than starting afresh with someone new ... the same goes for backup plan too. Okay you dated but chances are he doesn't see himself being with you on a regular basis. By apologizing to you *one year later* gives him the chance to still enjoy some uncomplicated but romantic company (he certainly knows how you feel about him if you accepted his 'overdue apology') from time to time, no?
 Boots168
Joined: 3/22/2009
Msg: 2 (view)
 
is he back?
Posted: 11/29/2009 4:49:01 AM
Looks like you are his back up plan
 Boots168
Joined: 3/22/2009
Msg: 13 (view)
 
A Plugged up Toilet, so she packed up and left?! Should I let it go?
Posted: 11/8/2009 4:09:42 AM
If it's not clear to you already, this woman whom you adore is one helluva selfish, self-centred and ungrateful individual. If what you are looking for is longterm partner, what exactly do you see in her? I don't get it.

Sorry to say but it's quite obvious that you are like a doormat to her. I could be wrong but once she got a job or find a man who could provide her with premium quality toilet paper, it's when you are out of the picture too.

Now you got 2 options:
1. Change the MAIN ENTRANCE door lock
2. Change the BATHROOM door lock (so that she can have it all by herself whenever she decides to come back one day ...)
 Boots168
Joined: 3/22/2009
Msg: 24 (view)
 
A friend's cheating husband
Posted: 11/1/2009 7:26:39 AM
I too have a feeling that your friend can't be totally ignorant of what's going on with her husband all these years. Being a woman yourself, you should know how powerful women's instinct can be right? She must have her own reasons to stay with him, either for money or for love.

If he ever hits on you again, simply tell him to try on other ladies instead unless he plans on divorcing her and marrying YOU. Ask him if you could be of any help by forwarding his text message to her.
 Boots168
Joined: 3/22/2009
Msg: 18 (view)
 
Divorced for 10 years and still wearing the wedding band
Posted: 11/1/2009 3:05:37 AM
Now... I do understand that some business people like to wear a 'fake' wedding ring so that they appear more stable. It is actually quite common.

I find this 'trend' for some singles in the business world choose to wear a fake wedding ring quite interesting. Now you remind me that a friend recently told me about his colleague (never married) wearing it just to appear more stable and trustworthy too.

Hmm now that X'mas is coming, makes me wonder if I should get myself a nice 'business ring' too.
 Boots168
Joined: 3/22/2009
Msg: 19 (view)
 
Still friends? Should they be?
Posted: 10/31/2009 10:27:44 PM
Okay this is what I understand so far:

- Guy is well aware of the fact that Girl #1 is interested in him more than just a friend all these months
- Guy has been telling her he's been *busy* and putting off plans to meet again after one date
- Guy has got Girl #2 pregnant and wants to stay friends with Girl #1

I am struggling to decide what else the guy wants from Girl #1, other than a FWB deal when he asks her "still friends"?
 Boots168
Joined: 3/22/2009
Msg: 8 (view)
 
Divorced for 10 years and still wearing the wedding band
Posted: 10/31/2009 9:31:07 PM
I don't think that's possible. I have been on here.. what? About a month? Less than maybe? And I have answered a question like this or similar twice.

Oh really? I did use the search function and only one thread popped up ...

Anyway, it's always interesting to hear what other people have got to say and to be honest I am for one who doesn't really mind similar threads being done to death. The truth is, people come and go in this forum, and that means we might get some insights from someone new every now and then.
 Boots168
Joined: 3/22/2009
Msg: 6 (view)
 
Divorced for 10 years and still wearing the wedding band
Posted: 10/31/2009 9:21:08 PM
This person is my former coworker. Once we went for a drink together with another colleague, and he told me out of the blue he has been divorced for 10 years and this other colleague is aware of that too. I think I did ask why he is still wearing the ring and yet I forgot what he said.

No problem of me asking him next time we hang out but the same question just comes across my mind again this morning. Okay I am a bit bored so I thought I'd open a thread which has not been done to death.
 
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