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 Author Thread: Dating a single parent is hard
 freetime2bme
Joined: 1/16/2006
Msg: 5 (view)
 
Dating a single parent is hard
Posted: 8/7/2010 12:46:18 PM
The OP did not ask a MFing thing about pics of her kid on her profile. There are lots of threads on pic of kids and the bottom line is it is dumb! You sound like a retard. The idea that POF has more lurkers then the mall lol. Do you lock your kids up in a vault to keep them safe. If not you are a bad parent and you should. You know that would be the only real way to keep them safe. I was at the beach with my kids the other day and I could have taken photos of any kid on the beach I wanted to and posted them on the internet, so every parent that takes their children outside must be a bad parent.... Not! Please. pull your head out of your a$$. One with yourself WTF???? Spell check this one too if you like lol.
 freetime2bme
Joined: 1/16/2006
Msg: 3 (view)
 
Dating a single parent is hard
Posted: 8/7/2010 10:15:15 AM
"I am a single mother of a 14 year old daughter and it seems that I can not get a date because I have a child."

First off it sounds like your looking for more then a date with the " WHOLE PACKAGE"
line and the " WHOLE PACKAGE" line will rightfully keep many men away that do not want the " WHOLE PACKAGE". A date is a date not a package.

The question I have is why do you think it is because you have a child more then some other reason. Yes, having a child will turn off some men, but other will be cool with it. Look to yourself first. Look good, get fit and be self sufficent are really good places to start. Good looking fit women who support themselfs and have kids get dates and this is a fact. It is a smaller pool single parents fish in and with good reason, if you are more competetive in other areas it is not hard to make up for it. What is not cool is to say "I can not get a date because I have a child" when it would seem there might be other reasons too. It might be easier to say, but work on the other areas and see what happens!
 freetime2bme
Joined: 1/16/2006
Msg: 8 (view)
 
kids choosing where they live
Posted: 8/5/2010 9:44:36 AM
"I am against letting kids choose where they live, unless I can get absolute assurance that none would be allowed to choose to live with me. "

I don't think you have anything to be worried about lol.
 freetime2bme
Joined: 1/16/2006
Msg: 2 (view)
 
kids choosing where they live
Posted: 8/4/2010 10:07:19 AM
Unfortunately, the law regarding a child's 'right'* to choose which parent to live with is murky, and varies considerably by State and jurisdiction. Although not a standard by any means, many States have begun to give 'consideration' to a child's declaration of custodial preference when the child reaches the age of twelve or thirteen. The judge is normally given almost unlimited latitude in whether or not he listens to a child and how much weight to give to the child's wishes. In short, there is no specific "age" when a child can say who they want to live with. In most cases the circumstances of the situation will matter as much or more than the child's age.

It is true, however, that the older the child is the more his or her preferences tend to influence the judge. For example, forcing a child of fifteen to remain in a home where he or she does not wish to be could quickly lead to more serious family problems. This 'harmony' factor may carry more weight in the judge's estimation than the child's preference itself.

http://www.deltabravo.net/custody/choose.php
 freetime2bme
Joined: 1/16/2006
Msg: 94 (view)
 
why would a man with two kids say this?
Posted: 8/3/2010 4:44:42 AM
"But sorry a financial part can make a difference. And another party may see if things get serious that he/she better contribute."

And if there was equality in the he/she contributing it would not be an issue, but as the world is more then nine times out of ten it is the he contibuting not the other way and that is what makes it crap. Can't get around the facts on this, some people are okay with it and some are not.
 freetime2bme
Joined: 1/16/2006
Msg: 14 (view)
 
The twin bed dilemma
Posted: 8/3/2010 4:36:27 AM
Q: "Was there ever a time when people answered the OP and didn't take the answers of other posters to pontificate their own ideology without once answering the OP? "
A: No

But people do put in their own issues. The OP does not have a problem with dates coming over or at least it would seem, but some of the other posters do. The idea that children have some inborn problem with a parent having date sleep over is like wise total BS, this like lots of things are programmed into children, normally by the parent, but the tribe also impacts this. Some people don't get this at all.

I was dating an attractive, educated and hard working women when my oldest girl (at the time) was around ten. She had two of her friends at my house when my girlfriend stopped by. After she left one of the girls said to my girl something like yuk, your dad is dating a black women. Now just like me having a date spend the night the race of who I dated was not an issue to my children, but the race of who I dated was an issue to her friend. My daughter replied with, but she is way better looking and has a better job then your mother, shut the other girl down fast.

Now if this girls parents split, would she have a problem if one of her parents started to date some one of a different race? She likely would, but that does not make it a bad thing. What is the bad thing is that this child was programmed to think this way in the first place. The same thing happens with dating, but people seem to blind to see that.

Children also need to be given the skill set so they will not be a victim of a predators. This is the skill set that is not found with in the catholic church. The above poster should be more worried about father-mic-rapes-allot and father-mic-sodomy if you ask me. The same people that say dumb stuff like she said takes their kids to church (a catholic church I might add lol) and do not think about it the same way, when they do. It is clear that threats exist in the world and the way to deal with these threats is not to hide away from them, but to train your kids that they are in control. That's how you keep the catholic bishop from rubbing on you, by letting them know they can't. With the history of the catholic church why would any parent still be a catholic?
 freetime2bme
Joined: 1/16/2006
Msg: 12 (view)
 
The twin bed dilemma
Posted: 8/2/2010 1:24:32 PM
"I really think that how well a parent lives the way you live depends alot on how well they teach their children about the appropriateness of attachment to people."

No sh!t!!! and it is up to parent to teach/train and program their kids about appropriate levels of attachment and about adults and dating and the like. Lots of parent do not have a clue on this as can be seen here in the forums! Others teach or let the church teach things about dating and sex that are the root of the issues also. Kids not programed this way do not have the same problems.

" I understand attachment theory and the dangers that lurk when a young child is exposed to multiple people by their parent who are more than simply friends to that parent."

But the same people that say this let the kids meet other parent, people at church and the like and it is not a problem. Why? and the reason why is it is about their own issues about sex and dating, often times programed in via the cult/church they are part of.


"Most men I've dated regardless of whether or not they are parents themselves, don't feel comfortable spending the night when there are children in the house."

Well I don't know about the men you have dated, but most men I know do not have a problem with this and I am glad to say most women I have dated do not too. In fact most women I have dated like my kids being around, but they are well behaved and know the rules. That is key. My kids have missed some of the women I have stopped seeing, but no more then a teacher or a coach. Back to the top line it is up to the parent to teach their kids and if they themselfs have issues, as so many do, they do not have the requiered skills to teach them. Sad.
 freetime2bme
Joined: 1/16/2006
Msg: 87 (view)
 
why would a man with two kids say this?
Posted: 8/2/2010 1:06:40 PM
" What about if mommy struggles and 14 just wants to learn how to play tennis badly. Would it be nice if her great guy could pay for a kid tennis lessons. I would think so."

I would love to meet a women that would buy lots of nice stuff for my kids. I would gladly give her some sex for that, but that is not the way it works. If a women wants or expects a guy to provide for her kid because she is giving it up, well there is a word for that and it is not "normal and positive" it is a hooker.

 freetime2bme
Joined: 1/16/2006
Msg: 11 (view)
 
The twin bed dilemma
Posted: 8/2/2010 5:41:40 AM
"Until then, please don't let men you haven't known long be in the house overnight with your daughter."

This is one of the rules that make single mothers less-date-able then women without children. Children that have not been programmed to have issues about sex do not. The people they say things like this often times have a mind set that "sex is a sin" or "sex is dirty" do not let their issues or problems about sex effect you. It should only take a few date to get to know some one and to have a good idea if you will be comfortable or not having them around you kids or not. Some have religious reason and they think this is a bad thing and that is fine for them, but for them to try and say their religious issues should also apply to you is just goofy. Sex is not a sin and sex is not dirty, sex is a normal adult activity. Well for those of us not corrupted by the church.
 freetime2bme
Joined: 1/16/2006
Msg: 82 (view)
 
why would a man with two kids say this?
Posted: 8/2/2010 4:32:47 AM
"dont ever assume ones financial status! "

Probability is not the same as an Assumption, but they often time do get mixed up.

Probability is a way of expressing knowledge or belief that an event will occur or has occurred. In mathematics the concept has been given an exact meaning in probability theory, that is used extensively in such areas of study as mathematics, statistics, finance, gambling, science, and philosophy to draw conclusions about the likelihood of potential events and the underlying mechanics of complex systems.

An assumption is a proposition that is taken for granted, as if it were true based upon presupposition without preponderance of the facts.

Because children take money to raise and the statistical facts on single mothers in the USA, there is a real probability that a single parent will have less $ not more unless there is support from the ex to make up the differance, but even when that happens there is a real probability that there will be less in other areas, like time will still exsist.



 freetime2bme
Joined: 1/16/2006
Msg: 72 (view)
 
why would a man with two kids say this?
Posted: 8/1/2010 4:53:30 AM
"You guys seem to think that ALL women are gold diggers but we are NOT!"

I don't think that because a women is a single mother that she is a gold digger, but being a single parent has implications to ones financial statues. That is single parents both men and women have expenses that none parents do not have which can impact their ability to spend as freely as some one with out children. I find that lots of women, parents or not, believe that it is the man responsibility to pick up the tab on dates, which is a red flag to me. I also believe that the odds for this increase when dealing with single mothers, because they are already more likely to have less spending or discretionary income.

To think that this does not happen is to ignore the facts. When lines like this can be found in profiles "i want somebody who will help me with my situations
of being a single mom" it not hard to see that at least for some single mothers this is a real issue. That does not mean all single mothers want help or do not have spending money to cover themselves for nights out, but the odds are way different between parents and none parents, just because it take money to bring up kids!

I dated a single mom who got more in child support in a month then I had ever gotten from my ex in years and she had real problems that I would not pick up her tab on dates. Lot of women have that mind set and even more single mothers have that mind set. I have also date women who always paid their own way when on a date. As a single parent, which of the two do you think is more dateable?

Rather then brushing all the single parent stereo-types under the rug, I think it is a good idea to recognize many of then are real and to work to compensate for them. Can you provide time to date? Lots of single parents seem to have rules that would make just the time to date part difficult. Do you have money to cover your own expenses when on a date? Lots of single parents are just getting by and do not. Are the kids a problem? I have had both dates and friends who had children that had issues that made it painful to be around them. Kids that are not well behaved or have other mental issues like ADD or worse can be painful to be around and I like kids, well normal kids. And as a parent myself I do not want to have my kids have to deal with disruptive kids and I have had to tell a women I was dating that I like dating her, but I did not like being around her child. She was fine on a date when her ex had the kid, but I could not put up with her sons outbursts. Well honesty is seldom rewarded lol. Having well behaved kids who do not have issues meeting dates, having money to date and being able to provide time for your date are all key and from life and the forums it is easy to see that some single parents can do this, but lots can not.
 freetime2bme
Joined: 1/16/2006
Msg: 52 (view)
 
why would a man with two kids say this?
Posted: 7/30/2010 5:14:32 AM
"hannity, you do realize the OP was complaining about single DADS not moms, right?"

You do realize the OP was complaining about a single dad that did not want to date Single Moms, Right?

So the logical next question is why would a single parent not want to date other single parents and those digs can and often times do apply to both Dads and Moms. Hello. From what I have seen the "help me raise/support my kids" comes more often from single moms then dads, but there are other issues that apply to both groups. Knowing the issues and that lots of them are real logical reasons that make single parents harder to date is a good place to start.
From the forums I see lots of single parents, men and women that would be un-date-able because of some of their rules on dates meeting kids and the like, but there are others who do not have the same issues and it make dating and a normal sex life possible.
 freetime2bme
Joined: 1/16/2006
Msg: 13 (view)
 
why would a man with two kids say this?
Posted: 7/28/2010 5:13:00 AM
"I will admit, I want to be the 'special' person in someone's life....I don't want to be the 'special' person 2nd or 3rd in a line."

Not only do I avoid women like this, I avoid other men that are so whipped that they date/marry women like this. You know the needy/pampered/me first types. They bring down the entire party and for me they are trashy. But I know there are guys out there that do not have much sack and are willing to put up with crap like that too. They are just not the kind of guys that hang with guys like me.
 freetime2bme
Joined: 1/16/2006
Msg: 11 (view)
 
why would a man with two kids say this?
Posted: 7/28/2010 4:35:39 AM
"Well maybe single parents should understand that us childless women/men know our limits too when it comes to taking on other people's kids and being last in the que."

The idea that you speak for or even understand what other childless women/men want is foolish to say the least. I do not limit my dating to childless women, but I do find it much less difficult often. That is because, as some of the other posters have pointed out, de conflicting everyone's schedules is easier when there are less schedules to de conflict. Also as pointed out some women/men look to the person they are dating to assist, help or provide for their children. That is a big no go for me. You can even see that when reading profiles with comments like "I want a man to help" or words to that effect, which is a major none starter. There are women with children that do not want help and can find time for dating and a sex life, but they are not the norm.

Now I find some of the childless women I have dated enjoy being around my kids because they like family and when they know they have no obligation to look after or provide for my kids, but can enjoy the day at the beach or dinner and movie at my home with well behaved kids around. Some find that to be a big positive. Not all people like kids or being around kids, but for those that do, once the responsibility factor is removed it can often times be a nice thing. The difference is what does the single parent expect or want with regards to their children. Do they want/expect the date to buy meals for their kids? or do they know it is their job to provide/pay for their own childs meals? Same for looking after or picking up after and these simple things can make all the difference in the world. Two way different mind sets and with most women with kids I have dated, they have the wrong one of the two! Even had a women ask me out on a date and then ask if I would pay for her sitter...WTF! That date did not happen, but I have dated single moms that wanted no help at all too.
 freetime2bme
Joined: 1/16/2006
Msg: 22 (view)
 
Gotta admit, it is easier to parent alone than co-parent
Posted: 7/23/2010 10:47:33 AM
"it's difficult to see how or why you 2 ever got together (and had a child) when you had 2 opposing views about something rather fundamental such as that."

That is a big assumption to make on your part and in this case it would be an incorrect one. When we "got together" my ex was a buddhist and very excepting of my none belief, as is common with buddhist. For most buddhist, being excepting of different beliefs, is a core value. But the idea that religion is fixed or people do not change is just not true and my ex converted to christianity, which is a fundamental human right. That is to change ones belief or religion. Hello!!!

Lots and lots of people change beliefs, but that does not mean they can not still get along and raise children together. Like wise it does not mean atheists and christians can not be happy together also, but people with small minds might not be able to do that or even understand how that is possible. Our different views on religion had nothing to do with our marriage ending.

"especially when most religions/churches counsel their followers very strongly not to get involved with anyone who does not share the same 'faith' that they do."

Atheist, Unitarians, buddhist as well as many other beliefs/religions and churches have no such requirements. Pull your head out and take a look around at the world, it is a much different place then it is in your imagination. The fastest growing belief in the USA is none belief and all most all of these none believers were once christians. For some it does impact marriage but for most it does not, because for most religion or lack of religion is not all that fundamental. I understand that for some extremist it is, but they are a minority at least in the USA, thankfully!
 freetime2bme
Joined: 1/16/2006
Msg: 19 (view)
 
Gotta admit, it is easier to parent alone than co-parent
Posted: 7/23/2010 4:04:49 AM
" I do however think that when a parent is trying to instill certain morals in their children, they are right to be concerned when the other parent doesn't have strong morals."

This can be a really hard thing to sort out. People often times use words like "morals" to cover religon and when two people have differenting views on this like I do with my ex there will never be a meeting of the minds. Code words like morals are way different then words like lawful. Think most thinking people can get that.
I believe teaching a child that there is a god is not moral (because it is a lie) and my ex believes that my teaching our kids that there is no god is not moral (because it is a sin). If needed the court order supports or gives me the final say on matters like this. Glad I have never had to push it.
Others try to use this code word to trash talk dating or the like. Much better when left at legal or not legal, because as can be seen in just the two examples I have given the "moral" argument is not a good one!
This happens in two parent homes two!
 freetime2bme
Joined: 1/16/2006
Msg: 4 (view)
 
Gotta admit, it is easier to parent alone than co-parent
Posted: 7/19/2010 5:23:31 AM
Q: Parent A does something/says something that you, as Parent B doesn't agree with, do you:

a) Give support to the parent?
b) Give support to the child?
c) Both? If so, how does one do that?

A: The idea that there is only a, b or c misses the mark completely. There many many more as can be seen in the forums and the news and just life. They range from live and let live, to going OJ on the other parent with lots of ground in the middle. Lots of people drag attorneys into it over little things and that is sad, but little thing/big thing is always in the eye of the beholder.

"He was frustrated and called me to see if I could de-escalate her." All parents are not willing or able to do this, but for this example C does seem to fit best. You know the other parent doing or saying something you do not agree with can be way more complicated then a child in a bad mood or having a tantrum. I would be a bit pissed if I got a call about a kid in a bad mood. That is something the other parent should be able to deal with without the help of the other parent and if it is not handled individually by each parent a smart child can learn to play parent against each other, which is never a good thing. Also if your out on a date and you get lots of back and forth calls like this well see the "Why do men find it so difficult to date single mothers?" but add in women/fathers also lol. Significant others can be taken back by stuff like this and with good reason.

There are issues like exposing the child to religion beliefs that you may not agree with (for example) and the like were C is not a real option, but live and let live may still be an option.
 freetime2bme
Joined: 1/16/2006
Msg: 4 (view)
 
Kid needs a place to live
Posted: 7/15/2010 1:15:45 PM
Would he qualify for the Army. If yes they will take care of lots of the issues he is having, but it takes at least a few months to ship. If no he needs to find a job or two so he can support himself, but that can be hard right now. Florida is not doing well for employment. The roommate needed adds like the other poster talked about.

Does not sound like you are able or he is ready for school so he could get some real job skills. Military is a good pick if he can get in, low end jobs and hard work or living in a box down by the river, but stick to what you told him.
 freetime2bme
Joined: 1/16/2006
Msg: 18 (view)
 
Reporting an ex for none payment
Posted: 7/12/2010 10:55:38 AM
NP
When I saw this pop back up I looked at the date I joined and not the date I posted so it is only a couple of years old. Seem like longer lol. Any ways I agree it is best not to talk about cs payments to the kids unless your forced to explain something the way I was. I all so agree that keeping it simple and just explaining the facts without any name calling or even words like dead-beat is a good idea. I just can't believe you don't all ways agree with my parenting styles lol.
 freetime2bme
Joined: 1/16/2006
Msg: 17 (view)
 
Reporting an ex for none payment
Posted: 7/12/2010 4:02:00 AM
". Anything that happens as a result of HER choice not to pay is on HER. I am really really surprised that YOU of all people don't see that! "

Did you see the date of the post? My feeling on how the system works with regards to fathers rights and the like have changed some over the last 4+ years, but most know fathers are not treated the same as mothers.

The board from time to time can give advice on how to help children deal with things like this. My quest was an attempt to be ready to deal with how my children would respond when the ex vented to them. Few had any real advice of how they talk to their kids about none payment. That was the question, how do we do this to make our children understand and not be stressed about it. Forgive me for wishing to make my children's life better by being ready to deal with how my ex would respond to my children.

I do not try and hide from the fact that my bad pick added to the problem, but the fact that I made a bad pick, does not mean I should not work to effect how that bad pick might impact my children. Therefore "If you do pursue it and if she does react the way you are anticipating, you cannot let fear affect your choices. Do what is right." was not the question and I did what was right. The question was how to help the kids deal with what happened after I did what was right.

For me this issue was resolved over four years ago and I sat my kids down and explained the court ruling to them and why laws on child support exist and that seemed to work, because when my ex complained to them they were better able to deal with it thanks to having an understanding of the whole situation and all the facts. My ability to do this is improved, because I do recognize that a big reason I found myself in the place if the first place was because of my picks and I have talked to my kids about that also.
 freetime2bme
Joined: 1/16/2006
Msg: 9 (view)
 
Custody of infant ( unwed parents)
Posted: 7/10/2010 4:54:40 AM
Q: To say I hooked up with him and then had "his" kid?? What do you mean?

A: You hooked up with this guy and had his kid! "Don't be simple minded unless you actually are and just can't help it." I am starting to think that might be part of the problem.

"I dont think you are at all correct in saying that I am whining about it." I don't think whining is the word I used lol. Come on you had one kid all ready and them you meet a man who you said never even lived on his own in ten years and you pop out number two. There are other ways to deal with "the outcome was pregnancy" then having a baby. Hello!!!!!
 freetime2bme
Joined: 1/16/2006
Msg: 3 (view)
 
Custody of infant ( unwed parents)
Posted: 7/9/2010 7:06:55 AM
"he in fact has not truly lived on his own in 10 years"
"I have come to realize he is somewhat of a creep ( sexually) and it bothers me."

You were the one that hooked up with him and then had his kid and now your ****ing about it. One person you need to blame for this mess and it is you. If you want to have a kid from a guy like this and them come on a forum and cry about it your going to have lots of people telling you to make better picks, because if you don't well you end up just like you have.

As to what age is good for over night visits. Well normal people can do it from day one, but you two are not normal it seems.
 freetime2bme
Joined: 1/16/2006
Msg: 10 (view)
 
Abandoned!
Posted: 7/6/2010 2:49:40 AM
"He just doesnt care how selfish he is, he moved away almost a year ago without so much as a goodbye, and within a couple of months of finding out I also found out he had fathered another child and this pregnancy happened almost as soon as we had broken up, this was painful for my daughters as you can imagine because of the fact that he had kept this secret hidden but we tried to accept"

Think you might just have a few issues you are projecting onto your child. I do! Your ex has moved on. You should too.
 freetime2bme
Joined: 1/16/2006
Msg: 4 (view)
 
Life Jackets, Floaties, Swimming Pools and a 4 year old
Posted: 7/2/2010 11:47:19 AM
The most important thing to do is teach them to swim without any floatation at all. Kids will find a way to the pool at 4 and by 4 they can swim like fish if trained to.
Now if in river water or on big waves the real ski vest work best and they come in children's sizes (they are good in the pool or water park too). I keep one in the locker by my pool (for none swimming kids) and the others with my boating stuff. They are important when water skiing, other then that they don't get used much.
I started my two in the water before they could walk like my dad did me. Swim or drown day as he called it. By five both could surf and now they call my sister for storm reports to plan the beach runs when the real waves hit. Start them early, don't want them to be the 8 year old at the water park still needing floaties or the dude that has to look on in shame at two little girls that can surf waves that they can't even paddle out in.
 freetime2bme
Joined: 1/16/2006
Msg: 20 (view)
 
Tips for balancing dating and parenting
Posted: 6/22/2010 1:37:41 PM
You are coming across as being adamant about getting your point across and proving yourself to be right. Move on, agree to disagree and let it go. Think about it lol.

"And to refer to a woman as a cat has an immensely disrespectful ring to it, especially since it's obvious it's referring to them in a sexual connotation. " and it was ment too hello. But I was only refering to a part not the whole women. Because if a women thinks she is off the hook to picking up her share because of her body parts with me she is wrong. Some think it is because they bring the boobs, some other parts; me I am a cat man myself, but not pay for it.
The " If she asked you then it's on her" does not seem to be the mind set of lots of women out there. I have been asked out by a women that not only expected me to pay for dinner one asked me if I would pay her baby sitter too. So it is not that easy. What is easy is letting women know that when on a date they are responsible for there own dinner or the like. That's what I do before agreeing to go out.
If you ask a male friend to meet you for beers after the first round is it still on you? Not how it work with me and my friends, male or female date or none date.
 freetime2bme
Joined: 1/16/2006
Msg: 18 (view)
 
Tips for balancing dating and parenting
Posted: 6/22/2010 9:56:05 AM
Yes, we all have are own parenting styles and if a different parent says "I choose not to have dates around my children because of my religious beliefs" or other reason, it is way different then implying that having dates around children is some how a bad thing. That is my point having dates around children is not a bad thing and as it relates to the OP's post it helps make together time a lot less difficult for us full time parents. Together time is why lots of us date and lack of together time is why it can be more difficult dating single parents. So for me this is a key area!

Q: I'm curious though, how many dates do you lose when you tell them they have to buy their own glass of water?

A: I do get your point and like when I go out with my men friends, I tend to get more rounds then many of the others do, but that one guy that never pays (you know the type) well I have been know to get beers for every one but him and hand them out to evey one but him to make a point. A women that thinks because she is bring some cat along on the date she should never have to pay does not work with me.
I had one women asked about taking a cruise ship when my sister had my kids durning the summer vacation. She asked me! and when I said how much is it she told me the amount and I said that's not bad at all only like $1000 each. Well she said "I am not paying, that is the guys job" and I just laughed. Up to that point she had never said a word about eating takeout at my house and had been lots of fun, but outside of the 3rd world I do not pay for cat. If a women thinks or expects (expects are the worst) that because I am the man it is my job to pay or drive or what ever I let them know early it is not.


I had one women (single mom) that I dated for a short time that got more in child support in a month then I had gotten in three years (longer now lol) and she had some problems that I would not pay her way when we went out, but most women I date are in fact cool with it and are happy doing more sofa dates then nights out on the town. I will do all the nights out a date wants as long as they are paying their own way or most of their way.

PS I did not spell "be" in my screen name I spelled "b".
 freetime2bme
Joined: 1/16/2006
Msg: 16 (view)
 
Tips for balancing dating and parenting
Posted: 6/22/2010 8:51:44 AM
"Your priority Free2be seems to be staying single. I think after you describing your idea of a perfect date you will remain highly successful at it. LOL"

Your priority Carolann0308 seem to be not to say single or to find something long term but with your attitude you are likely to fail lol. For as long as you been on this site your not doing very good at meeting your goals, but I am doing okay at meeting my goals.

"I'm never going to be comfortable with sleepovers when the kids are around, or going to my room and shutting the door when they are home and awake. " and unless you get lots of nights off with over night sitters or your ex takes the kids, it most be hard to have a healthy and normal sex life, but that is not important to some people; it is important to me.

PPS I never said at a public rest room and I agree with you on that. Just goes to show you if you give a monkey a key pad sooner or later she is bound to spell a word.
 freetime2bme
Joined: 1/16/2006
Msg: 14 (view)
 
Tips for balancing dating and parenting
Posted: 6/21/2010 12:34:25 PM
"It is great if kids are respectful and allow alone time but I have yet to see it happen."

This is one of the biggest problems I have had with single moms, but I have broken the code on this in my house so it can be done. My kids have never interrupted me in my room when I have been in there with a date (never not once), but they are good disciplined children. May be that is why you have never seen it happen, it takes work to have good disciplined children that respect alone time and my kids from an early age were able to do just that.

"It's hard to flirt when a little midget is asking for another PB & J or needs to use the restroom. "

Lucky for me the women I date are able to find ways to be sexy and flirt even when my kids are around, but they can walk and chew gum at the same time too lol. It not hard even at the beach to get adult time. My kids start digging and picking up shells or run out on the boards the second we get to the beach and do not want me standing over them even when we are there and I do not have a date.
The only thing I have had dates say about my kids is that they are so well mannered and I think that is key. Have to teach the kids first, but lots don't do this any longer. I mean how much flirting do you want to do on a beach date any ways? I all ways think it kind of gross seeing people making out at the beach, but it is never the good looking people doing this any ways, most of them are able to wait till they are behind closed doors.
Also teach your kids how to do thing without your help, if they are over 4 using the bathroom by themselfs should have been covered.

What things have you done that make the person you are dating feel comfortable dating you? I think the biggest thing I have done is raised kids that the women I date like being around. I seem to have the ability to meet women that my kids like to have around too. If they come across as a ****, well no need for a date in the first place.

Now the night out on the town when the kids stay with a sitter is a good thing from time to time too. But together time is the most important thing. Lots of women look to the man to pay their way on nights out on the town. I don't, I just pay my way unless it is a birthday dinner or something like that. If I get a round I am not getting the next one, I support equality.
When they know I am not buying their meal most don't seem as excited about the nights out on the town and are then happy eating take out by my pool. Also had dates that thought the man should drive every date and I don't let that crap happen ether. I mean I am the one who can only have two beers, ever time we hit the clubs, not happening. I see guys that put up with that crap all the time and think what happened to their balls.
I even had one single mom asked if I would pay for her sitter after she asked me out. WTF, I not even paying for your dinner let alone a sitter, so that date never happened. She could have made me feel more comfortable dating her as a single mom if she was willing and able to pay her own way. Lots of women are not and even more single moms are not.
 freetime2bme
Joined: 1/16/2006
Msg: 9 (view)
 
Tips for balancing dating and parenting
Posted: 6/20/2010 9:32:08 AM
Q: How's that idea working for you.
A: I did have one women from Peta that did not like it, but most of the other women who have messaged me had the ability to understand a joke and liked the joke! The one women that did not get the joke and messaged me, well she was crazzy.

"At church, yes I have the ability to decide who they do and do not interact with. It's called selecting a church that we are comfortable in and has members from the same walk of life. Not a difficult thing to do and not a religous fanatic thing to do."
But it is so much easier a thing to do with a date hello!

"I don't place pictures of my kids on a dating website" But you do take you child out side and any one can take there picks. This has been done to death and it is a joke.

"But wait, I'm talking to a 50 year old who still wants to have more kids." Well if you think Undecided/Open means all the posters that put that on there profile wish to have more biological children then you have proven your logic disconect!

Yes you have a logic disconet and it seems some control issues also. How is that working out for you lol.
 freetime2bme
Joined: 1/16/2006
Msg: 6 (view)
 
Tips for balancing dating and parenting
Posted: 6/20/2010 8:39:25 AM
I control the interaction between the women I date and my children way more they I can control their interaction with teachers, coaches, other parents on the sports teams and the like. Why would you want your kids meeting any of those people? O-ya it is part of a normal life lol. I do let the women I am dating meet my dad and step mom right away also.

"there are many risks out there that I, as a parent, choose to not expose my kids too."

The people that think it's okay for their kids to meet new coaches, teachers, people at the church or others, but not people they date and the use "trust" as the reason, have a logic disconnect. For most of them it can be tied directly to their own programming. They believe dating/sex to be dirty or bad so they think it should therefore be hidden from the kids. I feel sorry for people like this. Religion or what ever got in their head to make them think this way and corrupt their ability to think logically. It is just sad!

There was one women on here that said her daughter would lose all respect for her body if she had date come around, but it was okay for her to meet people she was not dating. I said my kids still respect their bodies after meet the women I date, why would your child no longer respect her body if she meet the men you date? Well, she had no real response to that. Funny thing was from the women's looks it did not appear to me she had much respect for her own body. My kids see me put condoms in the shopping cart at the store and they know why I get them; because we respect our bodies.

Unless you also keep your kids out of school, off of sports teams, away from the church or other group activities (yes there can be emotional attachments that form here also) you have a logic disconnect. Simple as that.
 freetime2bme
Joined: 1/16/2006
Msg: 3 (view)
 
Tips for balancing dating and parenting
Posted: 6/20/2010 6:49:03 AM
What things have you done that make the person you are dating feel comfortable dating you?


The "threads on why one shouldn't date a single parent and some valid concerns" have lots of the things that a parent can do to in them or avoid doing. The idea that kids and dating do mix is not true. Well it is not true for those of us the have not programmed our children to think dating is some how a bad thing. Un-like the other poster my kids meet my dates. This is a positive thing. The people that think it is a negative thing will all ways have dates that do not feel comfortable dating them. Kids that except your dating and have manners and understand that adults enjoy time with other adults are also key. My ex has done one over night visit with my kids in the last year and I am not getting a sitter every time I have a date. So I am happy my kids except my dating and they even enjoy when I have a date over or if we go and meet one of my dates at the beach or the river for boating. They know that there are times when dad and his date want privacy and they give us that. The last thing I want from a date is for them to have kids with issues about mom dating (they are the worst) and it is a direct result of how they were programmed to respond. If the women I date has kids and the kids react positively to meeting me that is a big plus, but it is far from the norm. Lots of parents bring up selfish needy little, well little thems lol. Once you have kids that don't have issues, then finding the time and the balance needed for dating and parenting is a lot less difficult. It is still work, but it can be over come. Most of the women I date do not have kids, but they like being around my kids because they are well behaved, they provide me and my date private times and respect boundaries and rules. With rules a healthy and normal dating/sex life can take place as a single parent and even as a full time single parent, with out them forget about it. From the forums most of the single parents posting here would be a pain in the assets to date, because they themselves have deep issues about dating and sex.
 freetime2bme
Joined: 1/16/2006
Msg: 15 (view)
 
When the kids specifically ask you not to date, what then?
Posted: 6/12/2010 5:20:10 AM
"Kids don't want to be around while you are ignoring them to flirt."

See you don't know kids, you just know your kids. Also, you do not have to ignore your kids just because you are dating. My kids like to see me date. They tell me when they think a women likes me or is checking me out. They have no problems meeting the women I date. They like going to the beach more if we are meeting one of my dates there. So the idea that "Kids don't want to know about their parents dating and they shouldn't have to" is not true. Nor is "They don't want to get to know one person after another that may or may not be around for awhile." It might be true for children that have been programmed to think dating/sex is bad or dirty, but it is not true for normal kids. Why would you want to program your kids like that?

"Why would you want them getting to know one person after another when you don't know if you even trust those people with your kids yet? " I control the interaction between the women I date and my children way more they I can control their interaction with teachers, coaches, other parents on the sports teams and the like. Why would you want your kids meeting any of those people? O-ya it is part of a normal life lol.

The people that think it's okay for their kids to meet new coaches, teachers, people at the church or others, but not people they date and the use "trust" as the reason, have a logic disconnect. For most of them it can be tied directly to their own programming. They believe dating/sex to be dirty or bad so they think it should therefore be hidden from the kids. I feel sorry for people like this. Religion or what ever got in their head to make them think this way and corrupt their ability to think logically. It is just sad!
 freetime2bme
Joined: 1/16/2006
Msg: 9 (view)
 
When the kids specifically ask you not to date, what then?
Posted: 6/11/2010 5:14:49 AM
"Kids don't want to know about their parents dating and they shouldn't have to."

What a load of BS. Normal kids don't have a problem with a parent dating. Kids that have been programed to some how believe dating/sex is dirty might, but not normal children.

" kids don't think of their parents in those terms" BS! Normal kids, understand adults have sex because sex is healthy and normal!

Hiding dating from a kid is living a lie. Don't live a lie unless you want your kids to grow up to be adults that think it is okay to lie. That is the leason your teaching your kids, that sex/dating is bad or dirty and that it is better to lie.

Much better to teach kids that dating is normal, but it is not normal to hide relationships or lie about dating.
 freetime2bme
Joined: 1/16/2006
Msg: 154 (view)
 
How good mother's lose custody todays?
Posted: 5/21/2010 4:52:59 AM
One more time:

Q: How do good mother's lose custody today?
A: As can be seen over and over, a good mother does not lose custody. Some good mothers might get joint custody and it might not even be primary, but they will still have some custody. Good fathers can and do, but not a good mother or at least I have not seem it happen or an real examples of it happening. Now bad mothers, this is a different thing, but lets stay on topic this thread is about good mothers. If any good mothers could post here that have lost custody please tell us about it. As of yet I have not seen any of them posting here. For the bad mothers out there that lost custody, I think they need to start a new thread on "How bad mothers lose custody today" because even that is hard. It is kind of like a train accident it is interesting to see or read about, but it should be in the correct thread.
 freetime2bme
Joined: 1/16/2006
Msg: 144 (view)
 
full custody and how?
Posted: 5/21/2010 3:41:03 AM
" I have no problem with joint custody but I would never give my ex full custody of my child even if he was an amazing father. "

You see lots of fathers feel this same way, they do not have a problem with joint custody, but they want 50% or close to it. You see Jenn8131 it is not about what the fathers want and it is not about what the mothers want ( that is unless both agree), it is about what the court determins. The statement that I would never give my ex full custody might work if you were King of the world, but ask around and you will see lots of fathers and some mothers now know they are not the king. Joint custody for some is every other weekend and lots know that is not realy joint custody at all. For a father to take on this fight ( I would never give my ex full custody) and expect to get more then every other weekend is not the same as it is for a mother and that is why dads do not like it the way it is. It is not equal. We do not care that "some women get such bad separation anxiety" and the court should not care ether. You see I would miss my kids more then any women ever could or at least as much (not about sex of the parent hello).
Then there is the dark side, you see some women (some men too but not even close in numbers or %) see 50% as bad because that might mean no support check. You see for lots of women the anxiety is not about seperation from the child it is about seperation from the money. If you don't know how much this impacts men more then women and how wrong this is, you will never get it or your just okay with it. I get it and I am not okay with it!
 freetime2bme
Joined: 1/16/2006
Msg: 140 (view)
 
full custody and how?
Posted: 5/20/2010 1:43:54 PM
Q: freetime2bme don't you think sometimes you go a little to far with your avocation that fathers are superior to mothers.

A: No

The truth is I believe the biggest three reasons that single fathers have better results then single mothers is not because we piss standing up, they are:
1. Fathers do not have it equal in court. I.E. only the best fathers who want the kids and can pay for the fight win. I know there are other ways but this accounts for a large group of single fathers. So the fathers that win in court have more education, income and they were willing to fight for their kids.
2. We (single fathers) hear all the time (it is changing, slowly) that fathers can't do it as good as mothers, so lots of dads work extra hard to over come this BS or we are out to prove we can do it better not as well.
3. Lots of mothers that end up as single mothers were not ready and should not have had the child when they did. Yes, I know it takes two (most of the time) to make a baby, but if you are 12-21 and you know the father is not going to help, you do not have an education, no job skills your not ready to have a baby. Abort! One would have to look hard to find an unemployed 15 year old high school drop out father getting custody of a child, but that is what is driving down the numbers for single mothers.

Now these are not the only reason I think fathers have the better record, but they are a big part of it. Single fathers are made up of a group that is more likely to have good results and they are driven to get good results. The single mother group has a lot of dead weight dragging your numbers down.

Now the right wing would like us to think that singles parents can not get good result, so they don't like to talk about how single fathers do in fact tend to have good results, as it does not support their agenda that only married people can do it well. The left wing does not like it, because it points out how many mothers are having kids before they should.



Now to the beast feeding argument, if all other things, education, income, age, employment, living conditions, physical health and abilities, IQ and who has the pets are equal and if for some reason the mother can not or will not pump the milk, if a judge said the mother can have primary custody for the first four months then the father gets the next four months to bound and establish himself with the child, I could live with that, but if used as a BS tactic like it is now I have a problem with it. In florida when they did away with the breast feeding argument or the tender years doctrine it was not NOW or any of the women's groups fighting the change it was the right wingers, because they believed it could help gays get the right to adopt and they hate that idea. The right wing lost here and this is a red state for the most part and they lost because the argument did not hold up, because the impact is smaller then having pets in the home.
 freetime2bme
Joined: 1/16/2006
Msg: 137 (view)
 
full custody and how?
Posted: 5/20/2010 9:55:32 AM
"Of course I am a strong supporter of breast feeding"

Breast milk not breast feeding is normally the best thing for children. There are times that it is not as good,medications, hormonal issues, illegal drugs and other things can make beast milk a bad pick, but that is not the norm. I agree most of the time it is good for a child to drink breast milk. This can be done by the father just as easily as it can be done by the mother, as long as the mother is willing to pump. There are some who recommend only feeding pumped milk so amounts can be checked and controlled and it is often easier for the child to drink. If a women said she would not or could not pump I would question any judge that would give custody to a mother over a father on this factor, but it happens. I am glad I live in a state that does not allow this argument any longer, but some judges still think it is there or so it would seem, but it has gotten better. You see there are studies that show other things can impact a childs immune system much more then breast milk can. Pets can and do have a positive effect on children's immune systems also, but I do not think custody should be awarded because dad has a dog and mom lives in an apartment were no pets are allowed any more then I think the breast feed argument should be used, but there is data to support both of these arguments. Think there would be outrage if a judge gave custody to a father because he had a dog and the mother had no pets and the reason given was pets help children's immune systems develop? I think like beast milk (not feeding) other circumstances can be more imminent then pets and how they can improve a childs immune system.
 freetime2bme
Joined: 1/16/2006
Msg: 135 (view)
 
full custody and how?
Posted: 5/20/2010 6:26:15 AM
"While I agree that across the board statistics support this statement, I don’t agree that it proves what you insinuate it does."

My point was not to say that the reason children from single father headed household tend to turn out better is because single fathers tend to the emotional development of their children so much better then single mothers or women; my point was that there is no statistical data to support the idea that men do not tend to the emotional needs of their children or women do this better as was made by the other poster. It would be hard to use the data out there to make that point. I agree that there are lot of reason that the numbers show single fathers do it better and yes, one of these is likely that most single fathers do not start out that way. I have posted on this many times.

I do object to the premise, held by some that mothers should get the child by default because they are some how more or better qualified for the job, because again there is no data to support this theory. Statements that "Not many men I have met, I am sad to say, give a rat's ass about the emotional development of their children, they don't know anything about emotional development and don't really care about anything related to "feelings"." if unchallenged does not help level the playing field at all. I might not come across this way at times,but all I want is an equal playing field and one were women are not more likely to get the children by default or because the father worked for the first two years when the mother changed dippers at home and then they split. What I want is real data used to support arguments and the data tends to show education, employability, income, and age all have much bigger impacts then does the sex of the parent and this includes the "milk Bag" or breast milk argument used by many, because the impact of beast milk is small in comparison to so many other things it is almost insignificant and when you add to in it can be pumped it is hardly worth considering at all.
 freetime2bme
Joined: 1/16/2006
Msg: 129 (view)
 
full custody and how?
Posted: 5/20/2010 4:10:51 AM
"Freetime, are you saying that all mothers are doormats? Surely that is not what you are implying."

I don't believe I used the word "doormats" one time. What I was posting on was your statement: "Not many men I have met, I am sad to say, give a rat's ass about the emotional development of their children, they don't know anything about emotional development and don't really care about anything related to "feelings". " Remember that post? Now the idea that men don't give a rats a$$ about their children's feeling or their emotional development is not consist with the results single fathers get. You try to come across as so enlightened in your post, but if you scratch the paint off, the truth can be seen. And you do not look to enlightened to me.

To re-cap what I said is easy single fathers get better results on average then single mothers. This does not mean individual single mothers are doing anything wrong, but as a group men who are raising children by themselves do it better then women as a group as supported by the data on this. Now your post that men don't give a rats a$$ about their children's emotional development is not supported by any data is it? If you just pulled your head out of your enlightened butt of a bit, you might see that men often times tend to emotion development differently then women, but if the goal is happy confident children who finish high school, are less likely to end up in jail, on welfare or as a teen mother the way they do it seems to be working just fine.

Now, Itsallinthesoul, changing your post from men to people because you were busted for you un-enlightened remarks does not make your earlier post go away. Your earlier post said "men" not "people" and that tells a lot about what you really think and it is not enlightened thinking at all.

 freetime2bme
Joined: 1/16/2006
Msg: 128 (view)
 
full custody and how?
Posted: 5/19/2010 5:51:14 AM
lol so true, facts can mess up a good point every time.

Dads still have to beat the odds to get 50% custody to get more then that they really have to beat the odds and BS talk that men don't care about anything related to feelings is not support by the way kids from single father headed household tend to turn out.
You see " emotional development " is just that, it is development. Codling, caving in, not setting firm standards, does not lead to " emotional development" in my home and from the data it would seem it does not lead to its development in single mother headed households ether. Emotional development in my home is a hug when needed, but more then that it is about excepting responsibility for actions and inactions, keeping an open door, but not all ways taking the kids side. Development gets results, but so does codling, caving and lack of standards, it's just not the results I want for my kids.
 freetime2bme
Joined: 1/16/2006
Msg: 126 (view)
 
full custody and how?
Posted: 5/19/2010 4:23:54 AM
"Not many men I have met, I am sad to say, give a rat's ass about the emotional development of their children, they don't know anything about emotional development and don't really care about anything related to "feelings". "

That must be why children from single father headed households tend to do so much better then children from single mother headed households lol. It could be you just need to get out more becase the data clearly shows who is doing better with the development of the kids, to include the emotional development and it is the fathers. I mean if a child is less likely to becaome a teen mom, more like to finish highschool, less likely to go to jail and less likely to end upon the dole, my bet is they had the better emotional development and more of these kids come from single father headed homes. But lets not let facts get in the way here lol.
 freetime2bme
Joined: 1/16/2006
Msg: 118 (view)
 
full custody and how?
Posted: 5/18/2010 12:24:14 PM
"So how many men do you know who took parental leave? I personally don’t know any, but I’ve heard it happens."

See this is how it starts that guys get F#$&ed in court. The idea that the "primary care giver" is only the one changing the dippers 80% of the time is retarded. If both parent choose to stay home with the new baby and the is no money for rent, I would say both fell short as care givers. If one goes to work and one stays home, I would say both are providing for the child and both are equal care givers. But the courts seldom view it that way. So if you want to protect you prental rights, fathers should refuse to work until the mother also works full time.
That is a good idea to provide for the children out there..... Not!! That was a Not joke, just in case you missed it. What needs to happen is the courts need to validate all care provided and that would include outside employment. If the father refused to work and choose to stay home full time and the mother diceded on a divorce, do you think the father would then be more likely to get 50%.... Not! That was a new not joke, did you see it coming lol? The way it is fathers look bad what ever they do. The only thing left is the OJ way out... Not! See that one only works if you got a but load of money lol.

 freetime2bme
Joined: 1/16/2006
Msg: 80 (view)
 
Would You Date a Women with 6 children?
Posted: 5/13/2010 11:58:42 AM
"not all womens bodies take a beat-down" "Oh freetime2bme a lot of men do not READ forums." It would seem some women do not read it too, or read it well. You see, I know some wome look like they never had a kid after one or two, there might even be a few that look just as good after six, just I have not meet any of them yet.
Now at the beach I can pick out women who have kids or not and be right about it more often then not and it is not because the kids are with them.
I was talking to a women at the beach who set up next to me and my kids with two kids and the kids started to play together and I asked if they were her kids (because she was hot) she smiled and said no they were her sisters kids and moved her hand over her body as if to say it all still good here and it was. A while latter her sister showed up and it was not all good there and the hot girl still had that wicked little smile working and gave me a wink to add to it. She knew what I know, it can be hard on some women. There are things that can lessen the impact, but not do away with it all together. But looks are only skin deep lol.
 freetime2bme
Joined: 1/16/2006
Msg: 77 (view)
 
Would You Date a Women with 6 children?
Posted: 5/13/2010 6:12:25 AM
girls - keep in mind prospective men you could have dated will have access to the threads you post in ...and if you sound like a tool here ...hmm

To say lots of womens bodies do not change after having kids is just not true, not all womens bodies take a beat-down, but lots do. This is a fact. I have seen women go from hot to, no way after just one kid. Others are still hot, but lots start that down ward turn and after six kids very few womens bodies will not show the effects.

grow up - get enlightened or dont post in forums lol
 freetime2bme
Joined: 1/16/2006
Msg: 82 (view)
 
full custody and how?
Posted: 5/12/2010 9:19:42 AM
"It's easy to be out of the situation and pass judgment" Lets see would you ever pass judgment?

"I've heard many men on these forums state that women who get pregnant should "just have an abortion". I find it thoroughly disturbing how cavalier some can be about it."

"Grow up and pull your head out of your a$$ and realize you really know****sh*t about what it's like to be a single mother."

"In the end, it all boils down to personal responsibility. I take responsibility for my choices of having a child with a man that obviously wasn't ready to be the father he claimed. "

" can't speak about your nephew or his situation eraser, but if he has 3 children by 3 women, then he obviously was choosing not to protect HIMSELF unless he was trying to get them pregnant. If he didn't want to get them pregnant, then HE should have insisted on a condom or not had sex with them."

It took me less then two min to get these lines from your post. Some I might even agree with, but that does not make them any less judgemental. You see kitten, we all judge others. You do too. Life is not all ways black and white, some times there are blood splatters in it too. Other times, as my kids like to say, it looks like a rainbow vomited other there. That is how they like to say life can be quiet colorful. I think getting bashed a bit for being on the dole is a good thing, because it works as a disincentive for some to not go on the dole and for others it motivates them to make better choices in their life so they will never end up on the dole. If a few people get their feelings hurt, well I can live with the grays in life too.
 freetime2bme
Joined: 1/16/2006
Msg: 41 (view)
 
Paying for teen's birth control
Posted: 5/12/2010 5:16:32 AM
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=m7guOxgtU_4

Hamell has a good song about teaching our kids about personal responsibility. We need a plan for those inquiring minds. When you think about if they want birth control they are ahead of the pack on personal responsibility all ready. Me I am going to lie.
 freetime2bme
Joined: 1/16/2006
Msg: 80 (view)
 
full custody and how?
Posted: 5/12/2010 3:55:45 AM
Not getting bashed by me for going back to school. That is a way to improve your ability to provide for your children. If your getting public help you are getting bashed for that. If you say, "well I can not do it without public help", then you are getting bashed for having the kids before you should have also. If your doing it on your own, my hat is off. Even if your getting public help and getting more schooling your odds will improve, but having the kid before you were ready to provide for it, that will get you bashed. You see lots of people do it the right way. For those that did not, you have to live with your actions and in-actions; this is part of life. If you want a free pass, not getting it here. I find it disturbing that people want a free ride with no bashing, even when they messed up.
 freetime2bme
Joined: 1/16/2006
Msg: 74 (view)
 
full custody and how?
Posted: 5/11/2010 9:28:49 AM
My attitude is not about the fight in the first place. Remember I won my fight. It is not about rolling over. In fact I have often posted that men, need pre-nups and a well writen pre-nup is the key to winning as a father. Keep the home the kids will follow. The fact remains that all most all appeals fail. That is unless there is a real problem with the judgememt, not that you did not like the judgement. If a judge gave primary care to the mother and every other weekend visits to the dad and in the ruling said it was in the best interest of the children it is unlikely an appeal would do any good. Now if something changed, I.E, the ex was busted for a DUI or drugs or the child is a few years older and over 12 (different by states) and no longer wishes to live with the ex go for it, but this is a change not an appeal. An inability to understand realities of how things work is why people spend $20-$50K on an appeal that will not work and that is just dumb. Knowing what fights to pick is the key to having the resources to fight the ones you just might win, don't pick a fight that gives you 1/100 odds, but we see the dumb a$$ that do just that lol.
 freetime2bme
Joined: 1/16/2006
Msg: 73 (view)
 
full custody and how?
Posted: 5/11/2010 6:20:21 AM
"You really should get at least 50/50 time with your kids. If that doesn’t work, the system is not being implemented as designed, and you need to appeal."

The system does not work the way it should. For a man that was in court and lost, now has child support payments and ran up a $50K bill going for 50% custody in the first place an appeal, might be a bridge to far for many. You see it not free and the fact is most appeals do not work. Unless the judge made a statment like "you don't get the kids because your a man" or words to that effect, forget about the appeal. Most judges have learned how to word themselfs better to pervent appeals from winning, you see it looks bad on then when this happens lol. Why spend $20K or more if your chances of winning are about zero? This is the real world!
 freetime2bme
Joined: 1/16/2006
Msg: 62 (view)
 
full custody and how?
Posted: 5/9/2010 6:06:10 AM
"Single fathers taken as a group would be underperforming since there is a large number of single fathers not included in the study"
"change a variable, change the outcome"

The variable is children from single father or mother or two parent headed house holds: The dada is in and it was done by statisticians worth their reputation. Poverty is likely one of the reasons.
The variable is not did the children in jail also have a father lol. It is did the children in jail come from a single father head household, a single mother headed house hold or a two parent headed house. We know most come from single mother headed house holds and children from single father headed house hold are under represented in jail. This is not difficult to understand. Your not liking the data does not make the data bad lol.

"The next logical study would be to find out why women are more times than not more greatly affected by poverty" Or recognize that there are lots of moms that are having children when "poverty" is the only likely outcome. Do you think when a 15-19 year old has a child they are less likely or more likely to end up in poverty? Do you think a women of any age that get knocked-up by a man she knows is not going to support the child at all is more or less likely to end up in "poverty". Do you think that a 15-19 year old that has an abortion and then continues with school (gets more education) gets a good job gets married and then has a child (like most single fathers do) is more or less likely to end up in povert?

Personal responsibility. I know that is a hard concept for some out there, but it is a result of action or inactions that result in single mothers being more likely to live in poverty then single fathers. This is what the statistical data tells us. And it is clear some do not like that at all.

I do not beleive that all women are chauvinists, but an inabilty see that as a group children from single father headed households do better then children from single mother headed household because they don't like the numbers is indicative of chauvinistic attitudes that most men can see.



 
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