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 Author Thread: Old fashioned phone etiquette
 Zardoz451
Joined: 3/28/2009
Msg: 4 (view)
 
Old fashioned phone etiquette
Posted: 3/25/2010 12:28:06 AM
Yeah, you're a Luddite...I'm one too.

I don't use cell phones (I'm NOT THAT IMPORTANT that I need to be available to people 24/7 like that) and my land line (when it's not taken up with dial-up) doesn't have caller ID attached (even though I pay for it)...so, I haven't un-learnt phone manners.

I tend to identify myself with my 1st name when I call someone or leave a message and don't play 'games' unless I know the person reeally well (like married).

I too get annoyed with people (or all ages) who disregard simple manners.
 zardoz451
Joined: 3/28/2009
Msg: 23 (view)
 
ever been contacted again by someone you met on pof that things didnt work out with?
Posted: 2/28/2010 12:12:49 PM
Hmm,

Over a year back, when I was still relatively new to this stuff, I went on a meet and greet with a nice lady. She paid for appetizers since she asked me out.
When I got home, after evaluating what I gathered, I sent a message stating we'd probably not be that compatible long term. She was more type A to my B at that stage.

A few months later, I noticed her back on line and would chat from time to time as a friend. Gaining insight to how things happened from a females perspective in this 'online dating' thing.

One night, I asked her out for desert so we could touch bases. Discussing out experiences. It was a pleasant evening and I paid since I asked her out. I had felt guilty in the past for letting her pay and then 'ditching' her.

Nothing ever came out of it other than to casually chat as friends from time to time.

Once in a blue moon, I do reach out to someone I've met. But, that's typically ONLY if it ended in a friendly manner AND if they're still online...still seeking someone.
Basically, just a chance to go hang out, find something to do...as friends.
 zardoz451
Joined: 3/28/2009
Msg: 8 (view)
 
What do you tell them? When do you tell them?
Posted: 2/22/2010 7:58:28 PM
Bah.

I'm of the school of thought (age dependant) of 'Tell em everything, down to the last, sordid, detail."

That's mostly due to when seeking LTRs.
For casual dating or just friendship, I tend to just wing it and play it by ear.
Casual dating gets less info. Friendships, maybe more as a friend is just a different kind of long term relatrionship.

The reason why I wish to divulge such massive amounts of info is because I really don't want to waste my time or theirs and would hate for deal breakers to come up later and ruin a seemingly good thing. I also know that at my age, some women seeking LTR's don't want to waste time either. Especially if they are just looking to start their own family.

I see it along the lines of posting an honest profile. You don't want to show up and meet someone who's 452 lbs when they stated 'a few extra pounds' and you don't want someone who's barely 5'8" when they say 6'1".
So, why would you take the time to get to know someone who's into cross dressing as a strong sexual fetish or has 6 kids by 3 different partners?

If you've been married before, damn right I'm going to ask for how long and why did it end. Why? Because in such discussions, you learn a lot about someone's relationship values. It affords me the opportunity to determine if I want to take the risk or not early on. And, I certainly want to know if you're in AA and for how long.

I tend to get a general view of politics, religion and sexuality out on the table fairly early. That's followed a little later with finances and child issues.

Does it chase some off? Sure, probably.
But, I know I'd rather have them run early than get to know and like them...and have them leave over something that I think is inconsequential but to them was a big issue.

So, let's talk Taboo.
=D
 zardoz451
Joined: 3/28/2009
Msg: 38 (view)
 
Odd and open is offensive?
Posted: 2/22/2010 8:14:38 AM
So, you're into strange and unusualy things?

Like fox-tail butt-plugs?
 zardoz451
Joined: 3/28/2009
Msg: 87 (view)
 
Walk out on a date?
Posted: 2/22/2010 7:29:52 AM
Nope, never walked out on someone but, I may under the right circumstances.

I tend to try to be polite and barring that...suffer from what would be described as 'Morbid Curiosity.' Basically, if it's that bad to begin with, I JUST HAVE to stick around to see how much worse it can go.

So far, nothing bad. Although I've had more than my share of women who state 'a few extra pounds' then go on to show up as obese. I guess so long as they aren't 'morbidly' obese but current US standards, they think they can get away with that.
But, I've also seen some women describe themselves as BBW Big and tall when I'd say they classified as a 'few extra pounds'.
I think weight is the 'height' that men lie about. Either that, or most women haven't a clue on what classifications are.
I've seen 'curvy' used to describe anything from obese (most common) to Angelina Jolie or Marilyn Monroe figures.

Sad thing is, I can appreciate all sizes except anorexic or morbidly obese.

Other than that, I had one lady answer her cell a little too much. Since she was new to the dating thing, I simply informed her that excess phone use during a meet or date is considered rude and bad form. She was accepting of that and stopped.

I have met a couple who's pics were better than the real deal but, they weren't misrepresenting themselves. Just took a decent photo.

And, I have met some who were much better in person than in pic.

As for personalities. The majority of those I've met have been great. A decent conversation that last from 2-4 hours on average even if there is no spark. I think most of the ones I'd not get along with are pre-screened out in messages and phone calls before the meet.

As for myself. I've been described as younger looking (about mid 30's appearance). Some have sworn I was taller...nope. I'm what I say I am. 5'11". One said I was kinder looking in person.

I find it near unthinkable to misrepresent myself in any manner. My photos are about 8 months old but, I haven't changed. When I speak about my likes and dislikes in messages, they are accurate.
I'm not seeking someone to ease my loneliness but, eventualy to find someone I like to be around for the long term. I'm also not just looking for a quick sexual fling. Those aren't that hard to find.

For those that do lie, I often think 'why'???
 zardoz451
Joined: 3/28/2009
Msg: 34 (view)
 
A little presumptuous -- or is it me
Posted: 2/22/2010 6:06:23 AM
Yes, she was presumptuous.

It happens a lot. More so as time goes on and people forget common courtesy and social etiquette rules in favor of the ease of rudeness on a faceless forum board.

I have a lot of things sitting out in my home that aren't there for you to just run up to, grab and fondle. But, I've also learnt to be firm when needed and gently remind someone not to touch or, if they ask, show them how to do so so they don't damage what they are looking at.

I'm also sure that, if the shoe was on the other foot, many people here who chidded OP for his apprehension over this faux pas would feel the same if someone they met went into their home and did similar.
 zardoz451
Joined: 3/28/2009
Msg: 8 (view)
 
Ok.. so its over
Posted: 12/26/2009 9:31:53 AM
Wow OP,

Talk about controlling.

He didn't move at the pace you desired or danced to your tune...so you ditched him.

I love it when the blame is placed on the other person too. 'They had ample opportunity to stop me from leaving, they didn't...so it's their fault.'

Sweet nurosis Batman.

Good luck and and may you find someone who's on the same page as you are with all the t's crossed and i's dotted in the same fashion as you.
 zardoz451
Joined: 3/28/2009
Msg: 66 (view)
 
Sarcasm: Bad vs. Good
Posted: 10/10/2009 8:55:48 PM
Hmmm, until very recently, the commercials stated 1 in 166 children/peopel are autistic.
This past week, a new study came out stating it's like 1 in 96. Much higher than previously believed. It could even be higher than that since it's a spectrum disorder and you can have a few 'traits' and not be classified as actually being Autistic.

One of the more interesting aspects of Autism is that often, the person with this difference in brain function...can't distinguish 'sarcasm' from being literal.

Ok?

So, now we know there's a legitimate reason why some people 'don't get it' or think it's 'mean' once they grasp some small notion of what's actually transpiring...even though they don't graps the full concept.
What I'd like to know...is what's the rest of your alls excuse?

For myself, and many I know who employ sarcasm, it's a way to take the hard 'edge' off of all the seriousness that's displayed in 'Real Life'. 'Gallows humor' prevals and helps a lot of people cope with the stress and is commonly accepted in many high-stress professions.
It often takes a quick intellect, a decent grasp of language and nuance as well as the ability to make accurate observations to pull off the 'clever sarcasm' that many say they like.

In the end, it's just one of many aspects that goes to show there are varying differences in how people are. And, when seeking someone as a mate or SO as many are doing here, we probably would best be served by stating likes and dislikes and moving on.
Those of you who don't like sarcasm, joining hands and living your lives in peace and prosperity...and those of us who like it...well, we'll be rolling our eyes, mocking you, gossiping malisciously behind your backs and poking fun at your hypocracy when you inadvertantly make a sarcastic comment...simply because it happens if you happen to use verbal language.
But, never fear, we'll also point out that you can confess and make some act of contrition and be absolved of the sin of sarcasm.
I know I prefer the confessions to be video taped and the contrition to be in monetary form.
 zardoz451
Joined: 3/28/2009
Msg: 22 (view)
 
Sarcasm: Bad vs. Good
Posted: 10/5/2009 6:08:49 PM
Well, without a clever sense of sarcasm...all I'd have is a big d!ck and a fat bank account.

There are different types of sarcasm, not all of it aimed at people with the intentions of causing harm.
I know that not all people understand that simple fact...but, they tend to lack in other areas besides intelligence too...

 zardoz451
Joined: 3/28/2009
Msg: 67 (view)
 
Gold-digger is just a term men invented to
Posted: 10/4/2009 9:25:20 AM
Sooo...

A Tru (TM) feminist is one who only champions societial standards when it benefits THEM and seeks to destroy those standards that are detrimental to them...sexist.

I'm a feminist. I even had the ex's last name to back it up.
I believe in equality and actually practice it.

If I'm to the door 1st, I open it and keep it open...I also expect the same.
I don't pull the chair out nor do I expect her to do the same for me.
When 'meeting' someone. I go Dutch and try to ensure that we're meeting at a mutually agreeable place. I'm a single, 24/7 custodial father, I fully understand a single mother's position...and see how society is set up to pander to them a little more over us, rareish, single dads.

If I INVITE you to a DATE, I have no problems paying but, unless it's reciprocated in kind, I may stop after a short while.
I have no problems if the lady's version of a date is financially inexpen$ive but, she should have the same expectations of me.
A stroll or jog in the park over a multi-course meal and chez $nob$alot is fine.
But, she should be fine if I select those options too.
The goal is to meet and get to know someone a little better.
NOT to 'BUY' someone.

And, to think it's some 'Duty' or 'Societial' expectation that a man...or woman, dance to some archaic notion that died out a GENERATION ago...give me a break.
If you want, truely want, to believe that.
Then, I want to return to the notion that it's a woman's DUTY to put out on the 3rd date. And, the more I spend on her, the more perversly freaky she'll be in 'rewarding' me.

In the end, if you want EQUALITY, you have to act like an equal. You want the man to be a little more compassionate and understanding? To communicate with you and take a very active interest in child rearing? You have to make some adaptations too.
The first is: Ditch the 'entitlement' attitude.
Or, find a man dumb enough to put up with it...just don't be surprised at the eventual break-up and divorce.



Now, if you'll excuse me, I'm off to hold the door open for a nice lass...it's our 3rd date and I'm feeling a little randy...
 zardoz451
Joined: 3/28/2009
Msg: 48 (view)
 
Gold-digger is just a term men invented to
Posted: 10/3/2009 5:09:08 PM
I think, when or IF we all step back and look at the issue objectively, that we find there are different ideas and desires out there.

Some people are fortunate to find a match to their wants and needs...others, not so.

When reading some profiles and postings by women who, to me, seem excessively fixated on material wants and finances; be it lavish gifts or expensive activities, I'd normally want to scream 'gold digger', hurl some abuse and run away.
Often, I just run away.

But, there are men out there who seem to want to attract these sorts.
And, when we look at it, I'm sure they have some traits that are positive (at least to some).
A gold digger may focus more on her external appearance. Maybe more willing to engage in some activities that others don't. Who knows...other than those who hook up with them.

In reading 'witch-what's-her-name's post. She found a good match in her BF.
Hopefuly it will last for a long time.
She get's what she wants and expects...and if she's truthful, he is too.

I think that one is most happy when they're with 'like minded' company though.
For those of us still on here seeking...finding such isn't always easy.
Initially, I was a bit amazed at how picky many were. Having lengthy lists of wants, needs and repulsions.
But, over a short time, I've found that to be a benefit.
Mostly, it shows that they're being honest and upfront.
And it lets me know easily if we'd be semi-compatible or not.
Do I waste my time to find out? Or move on quickly?

In the end, I know I've learnt to be a little more picky.
Does that make me shallow?
Depends.
But I know, in the end, I'll be with someone I like and desire and who returns the same. With compatible interests and focuses in life.
Or, with no one at all as the aggrivation just isn't worth the company when considering long term relationships.
Short term things...I'm a little less picky on. But, that's more to do with seeking simple company once in a while such as in a casual date.
And, when I pick up actual friends along the way. I'm even less picky or judgemental. Simply because I can turn my back and not worry too much about it.


Always a case of 'diffrent strokes for different folks'.
 zardoz451
Joined: 3/28/2009
Msg: 50 (view)
 
lost custody today please help
Posted: 8/31/2009 1:28:00 PM

but in this place men just dont stand a chance i see that now and have no more fight left in me.


That is not universally true and the feelings you have are temporary.

I have founght tooth and nail to maintain custody of my son in a biased culture.
It is NOT easy.

My ex is mentally ill (Borderline Personality Disorder) and has a very persuasive manner to how she lies.
To combat that, I have to ALWAYS cross my t's and dot my i's.
For every lie she tells, I have to have the ability to disprove it with facts.

It's the nature of the beast and it is doable.

You're feelings of being wrung out and drained are something you're dealing with now. In a period of time, you may feel quite differently. The way the courts are set up could change too. You may one day be able to get a judge favorable to you.
But, you have to prove yourself.

Cross your t's and dot your i's ALWAYS.

Which means you go into robot mode if you have to and go through the motions even if you're heart isn't in it. Even if you feel no energy to go do it.
You see your daughters at every opportunity you get. Keep a detailed journal of what you do with them and when you do it.
Call daily to speak to them also.
Take photos constantly when they are in your care.
Detail any item you buy for them.
Ensure you've paid your support.
If they tell you something that doesn't sound right, make a note of it.
If mom stands in the way or makes your access difficult, document it.

Eventually, you'll have enough detailed information to present one day to a judge that you are the more fit parent to care for the children on a daily basis.

In my case, when my ex left (because her cultic leader told her to), I did everything I could to be near my kids (when the grown ones were younger).
Eventually my youngest came to live with me.
For the 1st year, I had about 4 hours of sleep per day and drove hundreds of miles daily to transport him across the area from home to a private school to a sitters and back. Covering about 3 cities per day to ensure that his 'stability' wasn't compromised.

I survived every underhanded trick in the book including having him kidnapped twice. Even being physically assaulted twice myself.

Not everyone involved were sympathetic either. About half of the police who showed were biased. The other half easily seeing what was really going on.

In the end, it's a lengthy process but, when dealing with any sort of A vs B situation where there is natural bias, having any bit of help in swaying your case is good to have.
Also, it will help if you do lose in the end. As you'll have the information to present to your kids later proving you did try. Prevents them from ever accusing you of not caring or putting forth any effort.
 zardoz451
Joined: 3/28/2009
Msg: 26 (view)
 
Dads - how can a mother help a son deal with a bully?
Posted: 8/26/2009 6:43:12 PM
Easy answer is to identify the bully and his patterns.

Get a club and some hefty garbage bags.

Abduct said bully, bash in head with club, toss bully into said bags, toss said bags into a deep river or lake.

Buuut...to take the more complex route, get your child into some self defense classes. They help build confidence and ability to defend yourself adequatly if attacked.
Bullys pick on the weak and those who lack confidence. A child who fights back may not be worth it to them.

My eldest son was placed in karate when he was 7 for about a year. He didn't like it much not understand it...until he was 14ish and 2 boys at school tried to rough him up...and he came out the winner. Then he bragged.
I also had him involved in track, cross country and wrestling when he was in elementary school for 3 years.
All together, he wasn't a very athletic child but the little things added up in the end.
Now. He went muscle. Virtually 0 body fat and rock solid muscles.
Which compensates for his 'emo' look...of tats and facial piercings. *sigh* not a choice I'd make but, he's an adult now.

My youngest son lacks the formal self defense but had the sports some and is kept physically active. Kind of a nerd and has delt with bullies but, he has a fast come back and can hold his own.

In extreme situations, yes, a puch to the face can help stop bullying but, seek something more structured if possible.
Seriously, in the grown world you don't want to be a pu$$y but, you also need to learn when to walk away.
Some fights aren't worth it.
And learning how to exploit a rules system can be good to. Confront the teachers/ school admin. and see what happens.
 zardoz451
Joined: 3/28/2009
Msg: 33 (view)
 
lost custody today please help
Posted: 8/26/2009 6:02:23 PM
I'm not 100% familiar with UK laws on custody but, you might want to learn about PAS, Parental Alienation Syndrom.
IIRC, there may be a decent movement in the UK dealing with such issues and the mums moving far away, limited to no contact...could qualify.

As much as you hate the thought of the travel, do try to visit with your kids and ALWAYS document any interference she tries with that. Take a friend with you for the travel time AND as a witness.
If the mom is drinking and seeking to block your access, take her to court. BUT, try to get a decentl lawyer and try to shop for a decent judge who may be sympathetic to single father parents.

Just stay stable and make efforts to see the kids. That way, you can honestly tell them you tried if mom blocks access.


Hope that helps.
 zardoz451
Joined: 3/28/2009
Msg: 8 (view)
 
I have never been on a date
Posted: 8/26/2009 4:55:38 PM
Ditto what Dr. Nick said.

As for the particulars, it depends on your own desires (date/ long term/ hanging out) and what you fell comfortable with.

I talk about anything. F-that junk about taboo subjects. Why? Because I'm comfortably talking about it and seek someone who is too.
If I have to wade through 999 rejections to find her, then that's the price I have to pay. And, currently, the number is way, way lower.
But, that's if I'm seeking long term or serious friendship.

If I'm just out for a good time to escape RL. I play it by ear and will talk about current issues and see if I can lead the conversation towards something interesting to me...OR follow her lead and learn things about what she's interested in.

Sometimes, it is a million and one questions.
But, it works for me.

If contestant A can't deal with this after 15 mins. Fine, no harm done. If contestant B enjoys 9 hours of banter over drinks, great!

But, some of the initial filtering comes with e-mails and a few phone calls.

I've learnt, that unless there's something magnetic about the other person, e-mails consisting of less than 2 paragraphs in response to, well ^ the above, won't cut it with me.


My .13 for the day.
 zardoz451
Joined: 3/28/2009
Msg: 17 (view)
 
Do you discriminate based on age?
Posted: 8/14/2009 2:49:59 PM
I do now.
Discussed the whole ageism thing with a female friend a month ago.

I'm 39.

My prefered range is 34 to 44. I will consider going slightly up or down from that only IF there is a lot to attract my interest.
Met a 22 yo who, IMO was attractive but, I honestly can't date someone who's my kids age. Too creepy.
 zardoz451
Joined: 3/28/2009
Msg: 2 (view)
 
younger kids and dating
Posted: 8/9/2009 3:18:01 PM
This is the side effect of waiting until you're older and more mature to have kids.

Most people your age are alrady done with that stage of life and are ready to go 'play',

I know I count the days until my last (12 and lives with me) is gone...
Starts 7th grade this week.
7 years * 365 days plus a few extra weeks for him to pack his bags and GTHO.
LOL.

Knowing him, he'll be here til he's 20...
 zardoz451
Joined: 3/28/2009
Msg: 6 (view)
 
Hi fives to all the devoted parents out there!!!!!
Posted: 8/9/2009 3:12:38 PM
Yah, Wooo....

A 4 year old. Girl.

Try being a custodial father of a 12 yo, dirty, grimmy boy...who's been sitting RIGHT HERE, over my shoulder, pestering me for about an hour to take him to the Skate Park...while it's hot out...and I have to sit there, in the heat, and read a book as he goes 'look at me do this trick dad!' (for the zillionth time).

I want a Gold Medal !

4 year old girls?

Are you serious?

Been there, done that.
Girls are easy for like 15 years or so. Been there, done that too...a couple of times.

Anyway, congrats for loving your kid. =P
Maybe it'll help your dating live.
Cute little girls are a babe magnet.
Surly, foul smelling boys...less so.
;)
 zardoz451
Joined: 3/28/2009
Msg: 8 (view)
 
More to love , drop dead diva etc
Posted: 8/9/2009 2:48:01 PM
It's not JUST about being 'big', it's a whole slew of things.

Some larger women are Pretty.
I'm sure most on the TV shows are chosen because they are attractive...even though they have some more mass. As said before. Many attractive features can often cover up one or two negatives. Just like for everyone.

What men tend to not like is obesity and slovenliness.

But, there ae exceptions to everything.
 zardoz451
Joined: 3/28/2009
Msg: 13 (view)
 
my son is wanting a daddy figure
Posted: 8/9/2009 2:20:32 PM
I'd say if the father is out of the picture or isn't up to the task as a male mentor, that you should look into reputable programs.
As was mentioned, Boy Scouts or Big Brothers.
If you're a member of a religious organization, occasionally they have something to offer as a last resort.

I've thought often of becoming a Big Brother myself...but, often find myself herding the son and his friends about as it is that I really don't know if I could make an on-going commitment to do so. I do know that it appeals to me to find a kid out there who'd enjoy the same nerdy things I do...since my children don't and I don't force my interests onto them. As not all kids really want to do 'sports' or other similiar things but are more introverted and into, well, nerdy things. They still need mentors too.

Oh well, good luck in your search OP but, try having some more heart to heart talks with your son and see if there's any activity he'd like that you could do yourself.
I often find myself having to be a 'mom' to my son with things like affection showing, compassion and taking care of his basic emotional needs since his own mother isn't in the picture much to do so.
 zardoz451
Joined: 3/28/2009
Msg: 35 (view)
 
First email he asking about my kids
Posted: 8/9/2009 2:09:12 PM
IMO, if you have children listed and then in your profile, have a 'general' basic description of their age range (and possibly gender of the kid) no one really needs to know a lot of details.

No pics are needed. No exact ages...or names. If you want to toss in a blurb or two go a head. But most of this stuff here (dating) is about adult + adult interaction.

I'm only ever curious about ages of someones kids if:
1) they may be too young (infants and toddler range) and pose a problem for meeting as in dating. Meeting as 'friends', I don't care.
2) you may be the parent of someone my own kids know (which could be awkward)
3) you have adult kids who live at home and could pose a little problem of their own.

I NEVER introduce my kid to anyone I'm seeing until it get serious (committed).
I never desire to see someone elses kid(s) for the same reason. Pleanty of reasons for that basic rule.
If I do see a fellow single parent, and my kid and theirs may get along well as friends that could change the dynamic of the relationship to better (if the kids get along well) or to worse (if they don't) but, still the focus is on adult compatibility.

I don't automatically think it's creepy that someone asks about kids when messaging. The vast majority of people have very valid reasons for their questions that aren't 'the dude is a perv and molester.'
There's WAY too much over coverage of 'teh ebil molester' in the media when the facts are that most are family members, teachers or clergy. You want to be knee-jerk reactionary about something, focus on those and not the statistically rare 'stranger danger'. That's not to say don't be a cautious parent but it is to say 'focus your energy and paranoia where it's more needed...and not on trying to fathom why a newbie wants to know a couple of details about your kids.'
For example, most young boys are very protective of their mommies and do NOT want another man around. Red Flag to many.
Some young children latch onto men too easily. Red Flag to others.
And on and on.
Heck, I've had kids wanting me to adopt them...and not understanding why I wouldn't (because they have a father already) because I am already an adoptive parent.
That can be hard to explain to a child.

Hope that helps some.

My .16
 zardoz451
Joined: 3/28/2009
Msg: 21 (view)
 
change of thought about mens pictures
Posted: 8/9/2009 12:05:27 PM
Interesting perspective.

I think there's truth in that as well as truth in the notion that some people show off their possessions to attract others.
Probably more of the latter than the former as it's an animalistic behavior akin to birds showing off their nests to a chic so that she'll lay her eggs in it. Or a brighly colored male flashing his colors to get the attention of the female...all about animalistic breeding traits.

But, we're complex humans and a little irrational. Some of us show off our things to let others know a little more about us.
I show my dogs so that people know that I have large dogs...and they're just puppies.
They also bring me joy and comfort at times.
And as soon as I'm done here...I'm bathing them.

Stinky as they are I'm sure.
 zardoz451
Joined: 3/28/2009
Msg: 17 (view)
 
Have you ever dated someone that killed your pet?
Posted: 8/9/2009 11:58:07 AM
My ex-wife intentionally poisoned my 150lb Irish Wolfhound.
I should have called the police or had an MI done on her.

Was right around the time that I noticed she had a sever mental disorder.

I buried him on Christmas Eve in 06 as she went to a party and it took me 2 years just to find another up for sale in the area...they aren't common breed dogs.
I now have a female I will try to breed next year.

Quite a bit different from when I was buying nice kitty treats for our cat and they were poisoned (Chinese Melamine scandal). I spent over a week nursing, comforting and hand feeding the cat before it died. Didn't find out that it was the contaminated food that killed him until weeks later. He's buried with the dog.


But, I do remember when we were having to put the dog down (the poisoning didn't immediatley kill him, just messed up his internal organs) and the ex was there crying her crocodile tears...
 zardoz451
Joined: 3/28/2009
Msg: 4 (view)
 
WTF? Maybe using e-mail is the kiss of death
Posted: 8/2/2009 4:44:55 PM
Yeah, I think a lot of people are too 'set in their ways/ controlling' to make for any decent date.

Some of my recent meets were along the lines of 'I live in the west side of the metropolitan area...so do you...lets met across town in the east end!!!

So, a lot of long driving for both of us...but, the east end is nicer and has more going for it.

I have no problems trading off and taking turns on driving. But, I too look for flexibility in initial meetings. Plus, it's just safer and lets you get to know the other person when they aren't on their home turf.

Z-
 zardoz451
Joined: 3/28/2009
Msg: 8 (view)
 
First things you look at in a profile HONESTLY!
Posted: 7/27/2009 3:24:19 PM
Pics.
Stats (all things taken in at a glance: City, Age, Sign, Religion, body type)

Then a deft reading of the profile. That's where it all congels. Is there intelligence and thought put into this part? If so, I'm more interested. If not...less.
 zardoz451
Joined: 3/28/2009
Msg: 8 (view)
 
Tired of trying...
Posted: 7/27/2009 3:06:35 PM
Looking for the love of your life is easy.

Keeping the love of your life securely restrained in a dungeon of your design...well, that's an entirely different story.

You got to feed it, change its water, clean it...clean up after it.
Eventually, it just gets worn out and broken.
Then you have to dispose of it.

And begin all over again.

They don't offer how-to books for finding true love.
It's all a matter of trial and error.
Much like learning how to conduct an operation.

I wish they had schools where you could learn how to properly care for love or how to do a surgical procedure.



Seriously, most have already said it.
You're in a funk. Moods change at a variable rate. Enjoy the moment and love yourself. Most everything else will come naturally...eventually.
Just have the right attitude and be receptive (opportunistic) when it happens.
 zardoz451
Joined: 3/28/2009
Msg: 57 (view)
 
Women only seeking Christian men
Posted: 7/24/2009 9:20:52 PM
It's just a filter that I'm thankful some are honest in putting down.

Lets me know 100% in advance that I'd loath them as a militant atheist with a massive understanding of most sectarian beliefs and practices (including non-Christian religions too).
I'm not looking for such conflict. I doubt they are too.

Pretty much, when someone has it listed that they are seeking a 'Christian Man', what they are actually saying is; 'I am psychotic and seek someone who has the exact SAME psychosis (sect) as me.'
Those who are Religious but, don't harp on it in their profile; 'I am psychotic and would like someone who's psychotic (similar religious beliefs, sects may vary) too.'

Since this isn't a religious debate site, I'll leave it at that.
I hope they find what they're looking for.


Edit: For Tarnished Knight re; your profile.
Most who self-identify with 'Christian-Other' are attemting to do as you believe. Simply say they are Christian (non-sectarian). As most other Christian deignates, IIRC, have 'Bpatist or Catholic' for example.
Many, from my personal experience, also have some form of 'charismatic' flavor to their beliefs. From Pentacostal to Word of Faith (televangelist) as an example.

Basically, they think of themselves often as True Christians and the others as simply being 'religious' with a lot of (in their opinions) man-made doctrins muddying the waters and causing problems for the believer.


I personally am amazed as to how many divorcee Christians are here seeking a 2nd...or 3rd, 4th, etc. marriage. Desiring to repeatedly commit adultery according to the bible. How can you be forgiven...when you repeatedly sin? Even Jesus told the whore to 'Go and SIN NO MORE.'
It's like, technically, a divorced Catholic...isn't a Catholic. I guess the church stopped notifying people that they were excommunicated.
*sigh*
I've always been amazed at what people chose to listen to and what to ignore when it comes to their own holy books...the ones that they base their entire lives on.



 zardoz451
Joined: 3/28/2009
Msg: 9 (view)
 
Do I have it ass-backwards?
Posted: 7/24/2009 9:00:46 PM
I've seen quite a few profiles that demand romance, imply it or have some expectations of a decent amount of money being spent on the 1st meeting.

Your typical 50's - 60's 'date'. Romantic candlelight dinner with movies and a carriage ride to top the evening off. If they're adventurous, they may want something like sky-diving tossed in.
All on the 1st face to face event.

I don't do that.

I can spend a variable amount of time chatting through the site. Maybe move it to personal e-mails and/or phone conversations. All for random lenghts of time. Until I feel comfortable and have free time to meet...as do they.
The meeting is simply to see what you're getting. Is there anything physical that excites you...or repulses you. What's the rest of the communication like? The non-verbal stuff.

If everything is a-okay, it then can progress on to date-dating.

The most kitchy / romantic thing I do is...
I make pet rocks (ala 70's style). Often designed for the person I'm meeting (based on something I've learnt that they may like). If the meeting went well and I'd desire to date her, I'll present her with one at the end. If not, I keep it.
She can keep it...or skip it across a lake.

Very, very few people get them. Most...line my own shelves.
I figure, once this rollercoaster ride is over and I've found the 'one'. I'll give them away, sell em, skip them across a lake...or take photos of them for a humor book about online dating.


But, as to the OP.
I tend to avoid the women who seem to desire 'traditional' (romantic) dating.
I also shy away from those who have strong, fixed, notions of roles people play.
Avoid...
Like the PLAGUE.
 zardoz451
Joined: 3/28/2009
Msg: 21 (view)
 
Creative Pick Up Methods...
Posted: 7/22/2009 9:42:56 PM
Waaay back in the day when I was collecting, I and a co-worker were driving down the road when we saw a client who owed and was waay late. So, we pulled up, jumped out and beat the tar out of him right in front of his woman.
Turned out it was the wrong guy. Looked like his identical twin from behind though.
Anyway, I turned to the lady and asked if she knew him. Turns out they'd just started dating a couple of weeks ago.
I asked her for her number...since 'Anyone is better than the most UNLUCKY guy in the city laying right there.'

Never got it but I did see her out about a month later. She dumped him though. Had a drink and a light lunch and a few laughs. But, that was about it.
 zardoz451
Joined: 3/28/2009
Msg: 17 (view)
 
Moving too fast stories?
Posted: 7/22/2009 2:14:29 PM
Hmmm,

Different speeds for myself.

Sometimes I'm at a snails pace...other times I can be quite blunt and rapid...

It all depends on my mood and how the 'relationship' is going.

I got married on the '1st date'. Made it last for 16 years until she degenerated into mental illness (borderline personality).

Other times, I'll let having a 1st meet drag on too long and they become uninterested.

I like that I can be variable and not rigid and set in my ways.

The current woman I'm chatting/meeting with. Seems real good. But, I met her initially 10 months ago...and was probably too fast in my approach then. Now, moving at a comfortable pace. But, if nothing pans out, she'd be one who'd easily be an actual friend due to our commonality.
 zardoz451
Joined: 3/28/2009
Msg: 44 (view)
 
Shoot Guns on a first date!!
Posted: 7/22/2009 12:39:13 PM
You guys know you can go shooting zombies on the first date too. Right?

Quite fun getting rid off all those brain dead parasites.

Actually...I see a few of them on POF too.
 zardoz451
Joined: 3/28/2009
Msg: 13 (view)
 
Shoot Guns on a first date!!
Posted: 7/21/2009 4:13:28 PM
What???

Sheesh, heck NO!

I have her do the driving while I do the shooting.
And it has to be her car too.

The only thing up in the air is which bank it is we knock over.

 zardoz451
Joined: 3/28/2009
Msg: 26 (view)
 
My Bad second date experience.
Posted: 7/20/2009 7:28:36 PM

Bad advice. A guy should never ASK if he can kiss a woman. He just goes for it if the opportunity is there.


You're a Swede. As In: 'Hi, I'm from Sweden...we're a land full of rapist and molesters and that's FINE. Our women folk LOVE that sort of thing.'

In the US and Canada (as well as a few other countries) you can get into a little bit of legal trouble unless you learn to dot your i's and cross your t's.

But, there really is a lot wrong with your opportunistic thinking.
I hope it works for you.

To date, my behavior has worked very well for me.
Except when the woman kisses me first...without asking.
That's a good cue that everything's a-okay.
 zardoz451
Joined: 3/28/2009
Msg: 7 (view)
 
reasonable caution exercised by men
Posted: 7/20/2009 6:06:41 PM

Well i've never had cancer so i guess there's no reason to care about it.

Women with borderline personality disorder are EVERYWHERE and they are highly functional people so you can't just pick them out easily at all.

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Borderline_personality_disorder

And trust me they are crazy, crazy, crazy and HORRIBLE news. I've read so many stories and talked to so many guys who have been with women like this. The #1 thing?! They are incredibly good in bed and that is how they hook you. Then they go insane are you are doomed unless you run, run, run!!


I married a lady with BPD. It's not until the insanity is turned on you that you really see how irrational, self-destructive and crazy someone can be.

I was young, and committed to the relationship but, in the end, there isn't anything you can do.

Many others fell for her antics but later easily dumped her when the crazy came out.
She is 'functional' in her day to day, average responsibilities but that's about it.

I was fortunate the courts and officials saw what was going on as did mental health professionals at times.
Still, it took 4 YEARS to divorce.
 zardoz451
Joined: 3/28/2009
Msg: 22 (view)
 
My Bad second date experience.
Posted: 7/20/2009 5:38:34 PM
I think it's a general consensus that she's a nut job.

Or...16.

But, some advice. We're in the year 2009, a lot has changed over the ages.
Maybe next time, it wouln't hurt to ask before doing ANYTHING.

'I like you, may I give you a kiss goodnight?'

How hard is that?

Not at all.

But, chalk it up to one of lifes more odd events and move on.
 zardoz451
Joined: 3/28/2009
Msg: 13 (view)
 
Help a youngin learn from your mistakes
Posted: 7/19/2009 7:36:30 PM
Everyone has an ***hole but not everyone wants to be fvked in it.

1 in every 1 person has some serious character flaw or personality defect. This will eventually lead from finding it charming and unique to a strong desire to kill the person because of it.

When in doubt, play games. Playing games gives you time to ponder all of lifes mysteries from the mundane to the esoteric while wallowing in your ability to totally string another human being along for as long as possible.

If you can get the milk for free, never, EVER pay for the cow.

All men are losers as are all women.

When you really find that you HAVE to settle down with someone...ensure they have the EXACT same fvk-ups as you do.

Never marry someone who will, unknown to all, eventually devolve into mental illness. Yeah, that requires a little bit of precognition but it's something to be avoided...believe me.

Never get married on the 1st date...believe me.

If you have a choice of beating off or having sex with someone you're not attracted to...do both. That way, when presented with the same delima in the future you'll have some personal experience to go by.

If you have a choice between doing something for your loved one that cost a lot of money, or creating a silly card out of old construction paper and a free crayone you got at a restaurant, create the kindergarted style card. It's romantic. It's also a lot cheaper. Use the money to buy more porn. You can never have enough porn.

Never give anyone your full name. Just tell your partner that it's 'George' or 'John' or what ever you're called. Tell them you're like Cher and Madonna or Pink. That way, it's much easier to totally disappear when you get tired of them and makes it much less likely that they'll track you down.
Just say you like to be on a first name basis with everyone...

Learn to win arguments by raising your voice louder than all others involved.

Always have a plan for disposing bodies.

Sometimes you feel like a nut...and if you do you probably are and should seek mental help.

Always go for the golden ring. The most attractive person, most wealth, most popular person you know. Sure, you might get turned down but, then again you might not. And if you do, just go on to the next most popular, wealthy and attractive.
Never start at the bottom...that's just stooooopid.

Any more advice cost 19.95 USD per. Any good advice is worth paying for...or getting paid for giving out.
Already, I've given out 15 tips worth 299.25 USD in pro-bono advice.
Yes...I will claim it on my taxes.
 zardoz451
Joined: 3/28/2009
Msg: 32 (view)
 
stood up
Posted: 7/17/2009 6:25:03 PM


I don't use cell phones and try to call (message them) before leaving to let them know I'm on my way and what I'm wearing so they can identify me. [/qiote]


Why not? Do you not want to be identified? I don't get it.


Sorry, typos/[poor grammar.

I don't use a cell phone, thus can't be reached while I'm on the road, in transit.

I DO try to call someone (or message via email) to let them know that I'm leaving my house and am now in transit.


Just met someone again after about 10 months of no-see.
Called her from work to let her know I was leaving.
Got home and realized she had just called my house.
Called her back and found out she got off work a little later. She said she'd call again when she was near the destination (park near my house that we met at last summer)
She did call again and said she was nearby.
I left and still got to the destination about 5 mins early.
Good communications.

I've yet to be stood up. But, I'm sure there's a 1st time for everything,
I've also never stood anyone up.
I just don't do rude that way.
 zardoz451
Joined: 3/28/2009
Msg: 19 (view)
 
Political opinions/religious issues and how they effect dating
Posted: 7/16/2009 6:18:40 PM
Umm...

I like anarchy...

Because it creates a power vaccum that begs for a despot to come along, after realizing that most around him are mush-headed fools who need lording over, and ensure things work.

I nominate myself to be 17th despot.

Typically, around that time, you've learnt from the failures of the other 16 and can ensure your survival long enough to have it rise to a nice, feudalistic state where your descendents can perpetuate the lording once you're gone.

Such styles of government have lasted a long, long, long time.

 zardoz451
Joined: 3/28/2009
Msg: 4 (view)
 
Political opinions/religious issues and how they effect dating
Posted: 7/15/2009 3:47:39 PM
What post 3 said.

You're young and haven't had time to form a belief system much less a personality that will stick with you for life.
Come back in a decade...you should be pretty solid by then.

I'm a militant athist.
Somewhat of an anarchist.
Don't give a toss about hard leftist or hard righties but could be said to be very politically oriented...I can hold decent and informed conversations about the various subjects of politics and religion...I'm a savant about it actually.
I can even thump a bible better than most believers

I do fine in the dating realm. Simply because I'm like Idoc above.
I know that, in your mature years, like should be around like for comfort and compatability. But, you also tend to mellow out a bit and can accept some slight variations.
 zardoz451
Joined: 3/28/2009
Msg: 26 (view)
 
Like this Man but not the Jokes he makes
Posted: 7/15/2009 2:41:04 PM

zardoz451 funny you called you r gf a


hypersensitive cancer...... ? I love when sarcastic people call the people who are the butt of their sarcasm hypersensitive


Anyone who knows anything about basic astrology knows a Cancer weakness is hypersensitivity. She even had little dust catcher things about this in her bedroom. She knew about it herself.
Just like a Sag weakness is obnoxiousness.

The thing was, she was into self-deprecating sarcasm...apparently she could make fun of herself...but didn't like that I would jump in too with off the wall comments.
Sarcasm tends to have to be over the top ridiculous for it to work.
Subtle sarcasm can often not be easily perceived as humor but as 'digs' against the other person.
One of the things that drew her to me was my over the top sarcastic nature.
I didn't just pop it out on her in mid-relationship. Aspects of it are often illustrated in my profiles and communications. Like the one I currently have up. I'm also drawn to those who have a similar disposition.

Look at yourself. You pics present yourself as an attractive person who seems to have no weight issues. Yet, you somehow find his jokes about big mac eating and weight to be hurtful. To me, that suggest hypersensitivity. Go look in the mirror. You're hawt. You know it. Most here know it. Heck, I'd do you with the lights on. ;P
Why are you even here complaining about how a 3rd party is treating you?
Have you yet to learn that everyone is different in their mannerisms, tolerences and dislikes?
The mere fact that you find it necessecary to post a thread about this shows that there's something wrong in your relationship and you're looking for someone to come along and stroke your ego. To pump you up and point out that he's a deplorable swine.
Or...something to that effect.

You're a virgo. One of their weaknesses is a tendency to prissyness.
I'd say that his comments certainly don't cater to that attitude.
But, maybe he does say a lot of sweet things to you when together...histrionic behavior is another virgo weakness. Maybe you're just focusing on the tinsy winsy negatives and over looking the massive positives...cause you're like over the hill, aging and in some form of midlife crisis and demanding across the board perfection.

Yeah...dump him, then drive to my city cause you're hawt and I'm lonely here.
See?
You can get a man easily!
What need you of that stud muffin you're currently seeing?

 zardoz451
Joined: 3/28/2009
Msg: 4 (view)
 
stood up
Posted: 7/14/2009 6:29:02 PM
What's been said.

Call about 20-30 mins after the due date to see if he answers and to find out what's going on.

All other things are dependent upon how you feel and believe.


I've never been stood up and have never stood anyone up.
When I make my meets and dates, I am VERY specific as to where and when to meet. I've chatted with friends who often get directions confused...for example, meeting at the coffee shop on one end of a long road rather than the one (by the same name) on the other end of the road a few miles away.
I don't use cell phones and try to call (message them) before leaving to let them know I'm on my way and what I'm wearing so they can identify me.

I also let them know I could be a running a few mins late IF traffic looks bad.
 zardoz451
Joined: 3/28/2009
Msg: 21 (view)
 
Like this Man but not the Jokes he makes
Posted: 7/14/2009 6:20:05 PM
CNN1

Sorry to tell you but you're just not going to last with your male friend.

I had the same thing...with me being the snarky, sarcastic lout and she a hyper sensitive Cancer.
A wonderful, physical relationship but, our communication styles and humor just didn't meet.

Sarcasm is done for a lot of reasons. It does take a quick wit to pull most of it off and an audience that appreciates it or can dish it back without letting it get out of hand.
Your man could be hyper sensitive himself or, he could care less and be a straight forward guy with few hang-ups.
I'd put money on the latter.

But, by now, you'll have to figure out if the pros out weight the cons with him. And the way this thread seems to be going, probably not.

Chances are, he's won't...can't change. So, enjoy for as long as possible but, I'd say not to get too serious about things until you're either comfortable with his comments OR he slowly cuts back on them.

I think the telling thing would be how well he does in an actual argument over something more serious. Can he put the cutting comments aside and be mature...or does he increase them into verbal abuse?

My .97
 zardoz451
Joined: 3/28/2009
Msg: 28 (view)
 
small pool of fickle-seeming women- what now?
Posted: 7/14/2009 3:45:33 PM
I think the true answer has already been said.

There aren't that many gays on the site.

I have 3 femele friends who are either bi or gay who seek other females...and have a really tough time with it.
More so if there isn't a pre-made 'community' that you hang out with.
 zardoz451
Joined: 3/28/2009
Msg: 7 (view)
 
Overprotective Freinds - how do you deal with 'em?
Posted: 7/14/2009 3:35:16 PM
I am still baffled why people have 'friends' in the first place.
Is it some symbiotic relationship thing? All they are are parasites...


As for being threatened.
My typical response is; 'I've killed a man. Have you? It's not like in the movies...it's slow, ugly, painful and exhausting and dirty as hell. And, afterwards, you have to spend a little bit of time in jail...which isn't as bad as it sounds. But, then there's having to find a decent lawyer to get yourself off the hook. Hmm, I have some lawyers business cards in my wallet if you're ever interested in giving it a shot.'
Then, of course, you spit your chewing tobacco onto their shoes and apologize since you were aiming for their face.

 zardoz451
Joined: 3/28/2009
Msg: 39 (view)
 
A story I thought I'd share
Posted: 7/14/2009 3:18:06 PM
Ohs Noes! Teh kid is gunna be emoshunally harmmed by the toughtless OPie!1!!@!

Runns 4 yer life!

Sheesh people. It's doubtful that anything the OP could say in 30 secs would harm such a child at all.
In all likelihood, the moms more a threat. Nothing says lovin' like exposing your child to some man you're just meeting from the internet.

IMO, at some point the woman should mention that she has a child, more so IF she's bringing them to the 1st meeting (with a friend in tow too).


Oh, and 2 wrongs ALWAYS make a right.
Says so in most holy books and in the penal codes of the various countries.


And the pop psychology some are spouting off with here doesn't match what real psychology has to say about situations like this.
 zardoz451
Joined: 3/28/2009
Msg: 65 (view)
 
Said Hello hun and was accuesed of being forward and blocked !
Posted: 7/14/2009 3:05:47 PM
I think it's been covered.

Many view the term 'Hun' as sexist and patronizing.

People in the south are used to it...as they are generally sexist and patronizing.
;P

I tend to find my difficulties lie in how women perceive the term Obedient.
As in; "Hi, are you an obedient lass or do you need a spanking before you follow the directions your master?"
Okay...I'm being sarcastic here...
 zardoz451
Joined: 3/28/2009
Msg: 13 (view)
 
Money, money, mooonney...MOOOONNNNEY
Posted: 7/9/2009 2:47:18 PM
When it comes to a relationship, I'm prety much a communist.
To each according to their needs and from each according to their abilities.
I expect both parties to contribute 100% to the relationship without holding back.
If one person is allowed to spend some funds freely on things only they would like or benefit from, the other person is allowed to do similar or have some form of compensation.

It's all about partnership and working together towards common goals.

Any person who thinks that there should be fixed, unchanging ROLES to play gets laughed at.
To their face.
And pointed to the door.

I find that fairness and equality to be a very attractive thing.
And that doesn't translate into a pure 50/50 partnership across ALL issues. In one, one may dominate and in others, the other partner will.
Nothing more than continuous give and take to get the job done in a manner all parties are comfortable with.
I wouldn't mind if my female mate made more or less than me. I would mind it if she thought I'd work like a dog while she stayed home reading books, playing with children and goofing off on frivelous things and didn't pull her own weight. And she should feel the same way.
 zardoz451
Joined: 3/28/2009
Msg: 7 (view)
 
Don't Come Here Cos People Know Me??????????
Posted: 7/8/2009 6:07:08 PM
Yeah,

I'm jumping on the he's got something to hide.

OR,

He's afraid to be seen with you in public...like, you're from a small town known for inbreeding and mono-brows...and he's from the big city where people don't date their sheep.

I'd say he's got someone else. Do some investigation work and find out.
 zardoz451
Joined: 3/28/2009
Msg: 12 (view)
 
She asked for money at the end of the date!
Posted: 7/8/2009 6:00:44 PM
Just a sign of the economic depression and new marketing skills.

She IS a HOOKER after all...she's trying to 'hook (addict) you' to her wonderful services.

First one's always free.

As for paying?

That's up to you.

Me personally, I don't pay for what I'm paid for. $ $
 zardoz451
Joined: 3/28/2009
Msg: 17 (view)
 
am i boring?
Posted: 7/8/2009 5:52:48 PM
Hmmm,

Regular, normal sex = pretty much anything goes.

So, yeah, I'm with you!
Just give me no-holds barred regular sex...LIKE EVERYONE ELSE IS HAVING.

Climb back on the Mayflower and go home...us pervy Injuns don't want you here any more.
 
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