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 Author Thread: MEN BEING FORCED
Joined: 1/20/2006
Msg: 10 (view)
Posted: 8/8/2006 7:02:18 AM
if he is serious about the bby, he can go to court and have her committed for observation for souicide. because she would be endangering a minor which is very baqd in most courts eyes. even en-utero. he could then have her deemed incompetant so that he is awarded sole custody when the baby is born . then he can decide to not let her ever see it.... see how she likes that!
Joined: 1/20/2006
Msg: 5 (view)
the EX step parent
Posted: 8/8/2006 6:58:21 AM
i believe the little one needs her role models and for all intent and purposes, that man is her daddy. he is the only one she ever knew. perhaps you two can talk it out about why and how things got so bad. and agree to be civil so that she can learn that even though ppl don't get along they can be nice/polite. it would do her well to grow up learning to be kind even when not liking a person....look at the state of our world today.... conflict resolution is difficult for adults. teach her now perhaps she would be able to teach others in the future. and in the future, be careful about introducing her to any new men in your life. seeing a string of guys won't be any good for her either.
Joined: 1/20/2006
Msg: 7 (view)
what do single dads have to do to meet women??
Posted: 7/14/2006 1:45:31 AM
i was wondering the same thing as a single mom...
i think no one wants to deal with someone elses brats.
we have the same problem.
good luck in your search.
stop looking at gals youger than yourself who are high maintanance chicks... give someone a little ugly or fat... she'll have more heart....

if you go for a girl who is about herself, she won't want to share the attention with your kids..
thats all.

good luck
Joined: 1/20/2006
Msg: 10 (view)
single dads raising kids good thing? or is it a bad thing ?
Posted: 7/14/2006 1:08:52 AM
any man willing to step to the plate single or not is a good thing. is a good example for the children.

now if only a single dad and a single mom could get together.... that would be good

now how about my two dads, full house, punky brewster, mr brady, two and a half men, their all single dads. sure its tv but its out there. i think its just as hard for a single dad as a single mom. with one exception....single dads don't get that look of disgust when they say they work and put the kids in daycare. where as a single mom is looked as if something is wrong with them if they put the kids in daycare so they can work to pay the bills
my boys are 6 and 8 and i get no support from thier father.
i worked 56 hours a week till recently. ( i gave up 3-11 on saturdays because its summertime)
but i stilll work overnights wed-sun. i know itws hard as hell.

i think the stigma comes from a few places... one, for a long time, a man could get his kids regardless of weather he is abusive or not.


there are those men out ther who fight for their kids because of the sexual abuse they wish to inflict on their children

or continue to inflict.

just take it in stride my friend... you only need worry about your own approval and that of god... or goddess whichever you pray to.
Joined: 1/20/2006
Msg: 8 (view)
He has a lawyer and I can not get one!!!!
Posted: 7/14/2006 12:44:00 AM
you are allowed to request legal aid be provided to you since you cannot afford one of your own.
you might also ask legal aid... and your local displaced homakers group for help and/or advice.
there are plenty of single moms out there
me included.
you can get help.
Joined: 1/20/2006
Msg: 5 (view)
Help Dad Trying to Take My Baby
Posted: 7/14/2006 12:40:45 AM
here is a little info for you.
if you cannot afford an attorney, one will be given to you by the court.
also the child might be dna tested. a child guardian will also be appointed by the court. they will come and check your house out and see if the child is well and happy. they will ask you where you take her, what you feed her, how is she cared for when your at work aor whatever.... they will make a report to the court based on their findings.
you can write to the court or call the court clerk and ask why you need to bring in the baby...
they will tell you (just be really sweet n nice to them it helps)
Joined: 1/20/2006
Msg: 5 (view)
Where to turn when you have nobody?
Posted: 7/14/2006 12:29:07 AM
you can explain your situation to a neighbor... they may be willing to help. plus that anxiety about accidents, well, if you worry you draw that thing to you....have positive thoughts.
whay you think will come to pass
so think that all is well. and it will be.

im a single mom. and even though my family is quite close, i sometimes have noone to call upon because they're all at work.
so i have a back up sitter.
you can do the same
Joined: 1/20/2006
Msg: 8 (view)
Is Daycare Bad?
Posted: 7/14/2006 12:09:41 AM
daycare is not bad. but care must be taken in choosing one

daycare also provides some respite for the single mom.

even on your day off it is ok to use the daycare. take a nap, clean the house, pay some bills or even go to the movies. a little "me" time is acceptable.

remember, in order to take care of another, one must take care of the self.

thats why on an airplane they say for an adult to put their own mask on before they put one on the child... so you can be available to the child. if you put their mask on first and then pass out what good are you?

so use the daycare. i did when i had to. now when we spend time together, its a treat.
weekends are more special.

plus i work nights. so i need the nap breaks. though now the boys are both in school and camp during the summer.
Joined: 1/20/2006
Msg: 6 (view)
how does one get past the feeling he moved in & took over family
Posted: 7/9/2006 11:16:03 PM
well, one thing you should ( only a little) worry ab out is hikm being in any of your daughters beds... as long as he is a good man, well, your going to have to adjust. you started this.....

however. take the kids out. avoid getting pissed.

make friends with the guy. your girls are going to pick men in their lives based on you and now ( to a degree) him. if they see that the thought it is a difficult situation, the two of you managed to get along like adults.

its the only real way to be sure your going to remain an important part of your girls lives.
otherwise, as they get closer and maybe marry... you'll be pushed aside more and more...

so without the kids, go out and have dinner with the ex and the man.. and talk it out. tell them that you want to take the girls to your place for your visits...and that you want to try and at least get along like adults if you cannot all be friends... that would be in your girls best interest.
Joined: 1/20/2006
Msg: 10 (view)
tired of the same thread!!!
Posted: 7/9/2006 11:07:47 PM
dating is hard enough without kids.

but just dating (no expectations, or commitments) with kids, well, otherwise rational men will freak and avoid those women.

hey im going out. not the kids.

im the horney woman... we can go to your place, or a hotel, don't worry... untill i am sure we are going to get along for at least a little while ( more than a couple of months) I don't even want you to meet my boys...

what kind of men they become will be moulded my the men i allow around them.

and for all I know, YOU might not be worthy....

coarse i rarely get the chance to get that far into the conversation.... lol
Joined: 1/20/2006
Msg: 27 (view)
I am going on my first date with a guy from here...any advice??
Posted: 7/9/2006 11:02:41 PM
have fun, enjoy yourself, remember your an adult...

no expectations, no dissapointments...
Joined: 1/20/2006
Msg: 4 (view)
Borderline Psychotic Parental Moments
Posted: 7/9/2006 11:01:31 PM
my 'natural' father lives about 300 miles away. a good 5 hour trip. but my boys never give me a hastle during the trip. because I drive them nuts.

i started this a while ago just going back n forth running errands.

i ask them over and over and over... "are we there yet?"

they get so sick of me asking that they start yelling at me no we're not there yet stop asking.

........My mom plays with all the noisy toys when we go to a store together.....

she is quite sane and normal relatively speaking....., she just does it for fun and to bug me......

sometimes she'll start pointing to something and starts whining that she wants one.... so i tell her no not till christmas... or birthday.... or whatever... we have a lot of fun. sometimes people stare and its funny, if she were my kid, people would look at me like the kid is spoiled, but because its my mom, they look at me like im mean not getting her the toy she wants...go figure....

I do it to my kids too.... they just look around a little embarrassed... but they definately behave in the next store....
Joined: 1/20/2006
Msg: 38 (view)
Could you forgive your mother, if she loved your child molester?
Posted: 7/9/2006 10:49:57 PM
sweetheart, you did right to get away. STAY AWAY... when a rattler shakes the tail you stay away right? she is what i call stuck on stupid... like a record needlw stuck in a scratch...
weak willed co-dependant women rarely protect or support their abused daughters.

and its good she gave it to god.

in some ways you should too... you should forgive yourself.... not him.

your mom would probably tread down on a rattler despite the warning... and get bit. then walk over it again and again. and get bit again and again.

most importantly is you reconcile that not all men are evil abusive pigs. otherwise, you'll end up with one who is, end up being a bitter crazy cat lady, or a bitter dyke ( mind you i am not implying lesbian... there is nothing wrong with being gay.)( especially after abuse which is common)

but if you let it that anger and bitterness will grow and fester inside you and thats not healthy for you.

best bet.... don't ever contact them at all . maybe after he dies or something..(maybe). live you life as if you were orphened. in a way you were. think of it like your parents died when you were 11. and that years 12-15 were a terrible nightmare of a time in your life you have no desire to re-live..
Joined: 1/20/2006
Msg: 10 (view)
what do i tell my daughter when she asks where is her daddy ?
Posted: 7/9/2006 10:39:29 PM
you tell her daddy dosen't live with us because he hurt you while she is younger. when she is old enough you tell her more . when older still, you tell her the whole thing because the LAST thing you want is for her to look for him out of curiosity.
you also don't want her finding herself in the same situation in the future.

orders of protection would tell him where she is because the accused has the right to face the accuser and the right to court transcripts so he would get her address.

cemetaries are full of women who had orders of protection but the cops fail to follow through or show up in time.
Joined: 1/20/2006
Msg: 18 (view)
so my baby turns out to be the bitter
Posted: 7/9/2006 10:21:41 PM
they have this stuff called thumb... it tastes like shit but is for putting on the thumb of thumb suckers.

get two bottles. and put one in her daycare bag. and when she bites, have the staff tell her no biting and stick that stuff in. (comes with its own applicator)

she will likely learn to stop very quickly. and you need to break her of the habit soon or she will keep biting till perhaps sometday she gets bitten back. and after a point in her life, her bite will become more and more damaging as the human mouth is one of the dirtiest and germ filled places on can come across.

dog bites (except with rabies) are cleaner.

at 2 she is too young for psychotherapy im sure. more like gross therepy would work best.
Joined: 1/20/2006
Msg: 30 (view)
I need some advice...
Posted: 7/9/2006 10:07:30 PM
here is my advice..

first let me say this. i have two sons. I was married to their father for 8 years after living with him for two years.

my first came a year after marriage. the second came in year three. they were both planned and i love and cherish them.

I am divorced two years now.

i work 56 hours a week overnights to maintain my $1600.00 a month rent. I am a nurse.

prior to going to nursing school i got pregnant from my then boyfriend. I was not even in nursing school yet. I decided to terminate.
Had i kept the baby, i would not have finished school. and i would be living in the slums of yonkers or mt vernon on welfare.

Im tired in the mornings when i get home but i feel good because im sending my boys off to one of the best school districts in New York.

because i can clothe them and feed them and take them to medical apointments without reservationand get them top notch care.

you have to ask yourself... in two years, how will I support this screaming hungry baby. where will i get milk and diaper money. sure wic will pay for the milk but not the diapers. and sure you can get assistance but your going to have to live in a shitty neighborhood where you might have to avoid broken crack pipes on your way to your shitty waitressing job or crappy job behind the counter at mcdonalds.

those jobs are great while your in highschool. and sure you can even survive on it as long as you live somewhere cheap enough to maintain. buy you probably will have rats, roache and drug addicts as your neighbors. is that any kind of life for your baby...

there is this thing i personally believe in... and thats quality over quantity.

I'd rather have a little bit of an awesome thing rather than a lot of a crappy thing.

basically. personally.... if you don't have any kind of money earning education, how are you going to feed and clothe this baby? who will pay for the phone, electric, heat, and tv?
you? then you better have some kind of paper. Computer teck, lpn, RN, cna, cpa, something.
otherwise your dooming yourself and your child to a very poor and difficult life.

and if you ask the state for aid because you chose to keep it, the state will go after the father weather you want his money or not... the way the laws are going now, he would have to prove he isn't the father to get out of it.

and let me tell you how difficult it is to find a quality man as a single mom with two big boys... they're 8 & 6 and smart asses. not in a really bad way but they are pains in the butt for sure. who is going ot want o get into that?


any man you end up living with could be held legally responsible for the child finantially depending on what state your living in..

even if you break up....

think long and hard. my advice would be to split the cost with your boyfriend, and terminate.

if you two stick it out... get married and have babies together someday later.
Joined: 1/20/2006
Msg: 52 (view)
SingleMoms being stereotyped.........
Posted: 7/9/2006 9:43:27 PM
dear Iwarrior,

first of all you shouldn't feel the need to dicipline anyones kid.

I mean, i wouldn't even have you meet my kids for some time. like a couple of months.

then only in open public areas like a trip to the park or beach or mall or zoo. places where there are distractions and other kids.

if the kid acts up you by then should be confident enough in the relationship to say something... gently to the mom.

however, if she insists the kid is an angel, your beter off getting out anyway. because you'll never be able to have an adult relationship with the woman.

she'll always put the kid first and the kid will be able to do no wrong. not a healthy attitude.

me, i know my boys can be bad. they will push buttons, and downright naughty. and i jump right in on their cases.

i know know not many moms do partly because they feel guilty that the child is "missing out" on having their father around.

well let me tell you Im glad im divorced. my ex used to lock the kids in their room and go out to the store when i was at work.

to the moms out there, you need to give up that feeling of guilt which leads yu to over copensate for your childs shortcummings behivior wise. your not doing them any favors and they will not be any kinder or sweeter to you in the future for it. in fact your probably going to help turn them into the exact same kind of selfish self serving male their father is/was....
Joined: 1/20/2006
Msg: 51 (view)
SingleMoms being stereotyped.........
Posted: 7/9/2006 9:35:35 PM
an all out spanking isn't always needed but a choicely placed swat properly times is crutial at times.
I have given said coice swat quick, short, direct with stern words following. the spank is not needed often but sometimes it is needed.
now that my boys know when i mean business all i have to do is say "2" and they go hopping. they hop in fear. i don't mind that they have a touch of fear rather than obeying out of respect... better they fear me and do as i say than make a display of respect yet doing whatever they wish behind my back. and better fear me more than the boogy man or things under the bed or whatever they occasionally try in order to stay up later...
im scared of the dark and im like oh yeah why and they were like theres monsters and im like i'm gonna beat those monsters asses if they bother you so go to sleep. and they did. comforted and confident that the monsters wanted a spanking even less than they themselves would want one.
Joined: 1/20/2006
Msg: 4 (view)
Why do people think they can give advice .......
Posted: 7/9/2006 9:27:14 PM
opinions are like ***holes... everyone has one and they all stink....

just as every pregnancy is different, every child had different tweeks to their needs.

they all need diapers, feedings and burpings but how you do it will be different from how daddy does it and how grandma does it.

my first babysitting job was when i was 13. after a few years when the kid had a little brother, I was the only olne who could burp the new baby... with quick and un-messy results. this got the mom upset at first. then she realized that the was needlessly upset.
she realized that part of my ease was that i wasn't tired from being up at two in the morning with the baby. it also came from the way i held the baby. is some ways i was more relaxed with the baby than she had been. (see the first had been born with CP).

i could not tell her what to do or even how to do what she was doing ..... it wasn't my place.

when it came to my first-born, only my husband could get my son to burp. and for a short while this made me upset untill I remembered how it was when i was a kid.

sometimes people give advice because they forget. either they forget how difficult they were, or they forget how difficult a time they gave their parents. or they forget certain aspects of their childhood entirely.

but not to worry. the mothers curse always kicks in . on those who have their own...
Joined: 1/20/2006
Msg: 7 (view)
need some advice...
Posted: 7/9/2006 4:01:31 AM
your a grown woman. explain that to your kids.
also make it clear that just because out of compassion and respect you took him in , you diddn't really reconsile the relationship. it wasn't like you two made an effort to get back together and then he found out he was dying...
you gotta live your life for yourself..

you diddn't need nyones permision to find their father, your don't need theirs to find another partner
Joined: 1/20/2006
Msg: 43 (view)
SingleMoms being stereotyped.........
Posted: 7/9/2006 3:58:51 AM
hey some of those kids like mine have adhd. its not a matter of control as a need for assistance. my boys are all over the place until their meds kick in. and you know what? sometimes they are still bouncing.

boys bounce. men seem to forget that about themselves as children.

the ones who want children, or don't mind children well, they are the ones to hold out for. you cannot change a person. and one shouldn't push a man into a relationship with their children.

and if they don't like your kids or your kids don't really like them, parhaps you should move on.
Joined: 1/20/2006
Msg: 17 (view)
Is It Wrong???
Posted: 7/9/2006 3:55:30 AM
sweetheart is isn't wrong. i am a single mom of two boys 6 & 8. and i work overnights... that is what i consider my down time. that and when they are at camp. i suggest you enroll him in day camp. it would give him something to do and give you time off. bing in each others face all the time isn't healthy for either of you. only in that he will be able to figure out which of your button. he would be able to hang with boys of his own age. then you two could talk about your day at the dinner table....
good luck
I have been alone with my boys with pretty much work being my only break for about two years straight now.

just think low income single moms have even less option than you.

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