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 Author Thread: Question for guys
 kingston_toon
Joined: 4/17/2009
Msg: 5 (view)
 
Question for guys
Posted: 8/27/2011 10:19:35 AM
Sorry to say but as a "bigger" girl, you're unlikely to find many guys in your preferred category of fit, muscular etc interested in you. It's the same for me in that slim or athletic girls tend not to go for bigger guys (although like you I'm not massive).

It sucks but that's the way of the world.
 kingston_toon
Joined: 4/17/2009
Msg: 20 (view)
 
Have car, will travel?
Posted: 8/25/2011 8:08:50 PM
I prefer to date women who can't / don't drive. In London, as has been said before, no-one needs a car. Very different if you live somewhere between Phoenix and Albuquerque though I suppose!
 kingston_toon
Joined: 4/17/2009
Msg: 25 (view)
 
meet you verses messaging
Posted: 8/25/2011 8:01:19 PM
I've had 15 years of only fat girls being interested in me. I won't discriminate on looks... I just want a girl that's smaller than me!
 kingston_toon
Joined: 4/17/2009
Msg: 3 (view)
 
Straight Forward
Posted: 8/25/2011 7:41:59 PM
And once again, boo hoo. Must be so tough having so many men ask you out that you get annoyed by it. Try being a guy who has no women ever showing any interest in him. Trust me, if that was you, you'd be screaming out for guys to approach you at the gym.

God it must be difficult being a woman these days.
 kingston_toon
Joined: 4/17/2009
Msg: 23 (view)
 
meet you verses messaging
Posted: 8/25/2011 7:31:13 PM
Oh loulaloulou woe is me, men actually want to meet you? Must be tough eh? Try being a guy and never getting any expression of interest. Must be so hard when you can sit back in your chair and be shallow and decide which guys you'll decide to give your attention to and which ones you won't.
 kingston_toon
Joined: 4/17/2009
Msg: 14 (view)
 
Student dating, harder than ever
Posted: 8/11/2011 5:29:24 PM
Mate, seriously, you're only 22. Come back in 11 years time and if you're still single them, I'll have some sympathy.
 kingston_toon
Joined: 4/17/2009
Msg: 17 (view)
 
Can't block a stalker.... help
Posted: 8/11/2011 5:25:33 PM
Lucky you for getting some interest!
 kingston_toon
Joined: 4/17/2009
Msg: 4 (view)
 
liking or not liking a person based on looks
Posted: 8/11/2011 5:17:05 PM
Women only go for looks. They won't give a guy a chance to prove otherwise.
 kingston_toon
Joined: 4/17/2009
Msg: 8 (view)
 
What kind of idiot believes this ?
Posted: 8/11/2011 5:13:46 PM
I'm trying the whole "wait for women to contact me" thing. It doesn't work. Women will only contact that top 10% of guys. You know, the good looking "jocks". You know... the ones we are not? Get real... women will not contact average men like us on here. They are too shallow.
 kingston_toon
Joined: 4/17/2009
Msg: 206 (view)
 
How and why did you join POF..
Posted: 8/11/2011 5:05:45 PM
Found it randomly. As I'm a tight **stard, I was happy it was free. I'm still here out of desperation.
 kingston_toon
Joined: 4/17/2009
Msg: 7 (view)
 
Pessimism
Posted: 8/11/2011 5:02:05 PM
Boy are you in trouble from the I'm-pretending-I'm-happy-and-I-have-kids-but-really-it's-all-a-facade-and-actually-I'm-miserable-and-lonely crowd...
 kingston_toon
Joined: 4/17/2009
Msg: 49 (view)
 
London is Burning
Posted: 8/8/2011 1:24:11 PM
Anyone else single and wishing they had someone to cuddle on the couch while watching this unfold?? (hint hint)
 kingston_toon
Joined: 4/17/2009
Msg: 2 (view)
 
London is Burning
Posted: 8/8/2011 9:51:35 AM
It's not just black people... it's scum. Pure and simple. Young scum who should be locked up, but who know the chances of them getting into trouble for what they are doing are minimal.

I'm only 33 but... "the youth of today!!".
 kingston_toon
Joined: 4/17/2009
Msg: 29 (view)
 
Meet me option.........load of ol rubbish????
Posted: 8/7/2011 4:22:07 PM
Actually having some sort of choice would be a good start! Instead of just waiting and hoping someone (anyone!) will give you a chance.
 kingston_toon
Joined: 4/17/2009
Msg: 5 (view)
 
pics
Posted: 8/7/2011 3:56:09 PM
Looks are not the most important thing. And women are supposed to be more forgiving than us men in that department. But if your face doesn't fit in one photo... it's "next please" without any sort of chance.

And yes, I have dated women I haven't instantly fancied. Because that sort of attraction can grow. You just need to give it a chance and perhaps develop some realistic expectations.
 kingston_toon
Joined: 4/17/2009
Msg: 27 (view)
 
Meet me option.........load of ol rubbish????
Posted: 8/7/2011 3:52:10 PM
Wouldn't it be great to be a woman? Just sitting, waiting, watching those hundreds of messages coming flooding in, and being able to pick and choose who to reply to?

Oh to have that choice!
 kingston_toon
Joined: 4/17/2009
Msg: 13 (view)
 
Meet me option.........load of ol rubbish????
Posted: 8/7/2011 2:58:01 PM
You can always send a message. Since if a girl is reasonably attractive, it's unlikely the guy will turn her down.
 kingston_toon
Joined: 4/17/2009
Msg: 3 (view)
 
pics
Posted: 8/7/2011 2:44:55 PM
Women are generally shallow. The ones on here are the shallowest.
 kingston_toon
Joined: 4/17/2009
Msg: 7 (view)
 
Meet me option.........load of ol rubbish????
Posted: 8/7/2011 2:42:34 PM
"Meet me" and "Add as a favourite" are the closest things POF has to the "wink" function you find on other dating sites. Since women on this site are motivated primarily by looks, I just click these as often as possible to draw attention to myself, in the hope that someone interested / not instantly repulsed by my looks, will click back, and then I can take the time to send a message. Because we all know writing nice first messages is pointless, unless you're really good looking.
 kingston_toon
Joined: 4/17/2009
Msg: 28 (view)
 
What do I say to ask a girl out?
Posted: 8/7/2011 2:37:46 PM
I just wish I knew how to approach a girl and say or do SOMETHING to get the ball rolling. I'm fine talking to anyone in normal situations, and even on the odd occasion I get a date from the internet there are no conversation problems... but I don't want that. I want to meet girls in "real life". Like everyone else does! What do I say? How do I do it? Why can't I force myself to go up and say something even if I think she's the most beautiful girl I've ever set eyes on. I don't know... I just can't do it. Fear of the unknown response or something.

I'm 33. This can't go on. :(
 kingston_toon
Joined: 4/17/2009
Msg: 2 (view)
 
Meet me option.........load of ol rubbish????
Posted: 8/7/2011 2:24:29 PM
I click yes to everyone on "meet me" when I'm bored. But no-one wants to meet me back. Which probably puts me in the bottom 0.001% of males on POF based on looks. *sigh*
 kingston_toon
Joined: 4/17/2009
Msg: 57 (view)
 
No replies!
Posted: 8/3/2011 3:06:24 PM
I tend to think it's just the fact most of the Brits on this site have a hugely inflated opinion of themselves. The Americans seem so much less shallow. It's a fact that I've never "pulled" in a pub or club in the UK, yet frequently have girls approaching me in the US. My success on this site has been similar (even though you can't hear my accent!).

It's tedious though that it's always the same old faces having a go at people who have the AUDACITY to complain that no-one replies to their messages. Those same old faces who I'm sure get more than one first contact a month and thus can afford to be picky. I wonder if they'd feel the same if they never received any messages?

Steve (a Brit)
 kingston_toon
Joined: 4/17/2009
Msg: 19 (view)
 
dating someone you're not attracted to
Posted: 7/25/2011 1:31:36 PM
I thought women were supposed to be quite forgiving over looks, but that sadly seems to be a myth. Everyone tells me I have a sparkling personality, but let's face it, no-one wants a guy with a face for radio.

Still, I hope that one day a really special girl will come into my life and look past my appearance.

But only if she's slim and absolutely gorgeous.
 kingston_toon
Joined: 4/17/2009
Msg: 23 (view)
 
children does it put people off u???
Posted: 7/29/2010 5:59:03 AM
I don't think I could date someone with children. I want my own one day, very much, but still harbour the dream that I'll meet "the one", we'll fall in love, move in, get married, settle down and have our own children. Her already having kids doesn't feature in that dream.

However, I'm very aware that at 32, time is running out for me. Professionally my life is pretty much where I always wanted it to be, but in terms of relationships, I feel 10 years behind.
 kingston_toon
Joined: 4/17/2009
Msg: 6 (view)
 
Match.com Datingdirect.co.uk meetic.co.uk all use same user/passwords
Posted: 7/11/2010 4:08:06 AM
Pay sites are far better than free sites. The women on them are far more likely initiate contact or respond to winks, and most of them are attractive interesting professional types (I had to laugh when someone called them "boring" further up - give me a professional type over someone unemployed and / or a single mother any day).
 kingston_toon
Joined: 4/17/2009
Msg: 6 (view)
 
Few problems i'm having
Posted: 6/30/2010 4:19:57 PM
Hello,

Please can I have my ability to start new threads back? I suspect I've been culled due to indiscretions when I first signed up, but if you look at my posting history, you'll see I actually want to contribute now, and in fact do so on other threads.

Thank you kindly lovely moderator people.

Steve
 kingston_toon
Joined: 4/17/2009
Msg: 18 (view)
 
would you stay or would you go?
Posted: 6/27/2010 5:22:02 AM
If you care more about some random people behind a computer screen than the person you are dating, then that shows just how seriously you are taking the relationship, and the feelings of the other person.

I've been in this situation before, with a girl I met from another forum. We'd been dating for a few months, and I was unhappy at the fact she kept flirting with, and responding to the advances of, the guys on this forum. She refused to leave it. She said it was just a bit of fun to stop her getting bored at work. I was happy enough for her to keep using the forum, but it was the blatant flirting that got to me. Things came to a head when she admitted she'd met one of these other idiots "just for a drink" and hadn't told me because she knew I'd be unhappy. Too right. Game over.

The internet can be a good way to meet new people, but you have to be careful as there are some people to whom the internet IS their entire life. Try taking that kind of person completely offline and it's a recipe for disaster.
 kingston_toon
Joined: 4/17/2009
Msg: 5 (view)
 
would you stay or would you go?
Posted: 6/26/2010 3:26:06 PM
I'd be off here like a shot. I was never here to make new friends... I have plenty of them in real life. I'm here to find a girlfriend (or b*tch about not having one on these forums), and if I was to meet someone, I'd have no need for this site.
 kingston_toon
Joined: 4/17/2009
Msg: 18 (view)
 
So, i've been thinking.....
Posted: 6/24/2010 6:26:34 AM
I'm quite lucky... I've met around 125 women from online dating over the last 10 years and haven't ever been stood up. In fact, I'd happily have dated and worked towards a relationship with all but a handful as they were pretty, intelligent and good fun. But very very very few are ever interested in me.

Also, only one from this site! Despite hundreds of messages / "favourites" sent.
 kingston_toon
Joined: 4/17/2009
Msg: 16 (view)
 
So, i've been thinking.....
Posted: 6/24/2010 6:20:36 AM
^^^^^ Because as utterly miserable about being single as I am, and as utterly perplexed I feel about the many people who seem to go from one relationship to the next with ease, I haven't quite lost my hope that one day Miss Right will send me a message, I'll reply, we'll meet and live happily ever after. Or at least date for a bit!

And "real life" isn't exactly much better.
 kingston_toon
Joined: 4/17/2009
Msg: 15 (view)
 
So, i've been thinking.....
Posted: 6/24/2010 5:39:30 AM

^^^^ agree with every word, if its not working look at yourself and your profile, and if you hate the site leave. When I go through periods of dissilusion on here, I put my status to 'talk/email' and add even more mail restrictions so I hardly get bothered. That way I just stick to the friends I have made and the forums for a while.


Lucky you that you have to add mail restrictions to reduce your constant stream of messages. I have no restrictions at all (except for "female") and get no messages whatsoever!

As Joe Jackson said... it's different for girls.
 kingston_toon
Joined: 4/17/2009
Msg: 224 (view)
 
Why is soo hard for guys to approach women??
Posted: 6/23/2010 6:38:17 AM
So what happens if you are not a good looking guy (as many women have told me) and you never get any signals? Is that just accepting you are going to be single and alone for ever?

Confidence means absolutely nothing if you are a good looking guy. If you are "hot" then the girls will come to you. These guys have it so easy. If you are below average in the looks department, then nice shoes and clothes will only go so far. She'll look at you and say "urgh" to herself and the best you'll ever get is into the dreaded friend zone.

I can count the number of women I've approached in real life on the fingers of one hand. All have rejected me, most of them not in a particularly nice way. I'll occasionally get the nerve to make eye contact with, or even smile at, a girl on the street or on the Tube. Every time, without fail, I see a faint grimace cross her face when she sees what I look like, before she walks on, stoney faced.

I really wish I could get the nerve to approach women and not care if I get rejected, but the truth is, constant, repeated rejection HURTS.

Still, we can always hope that the pretty girls in this life come back as ugly men in the next so they can see what it's like.
 kingston_toon
Joined: 4/17/2009
Msg: 10 (view)
 
So, i've been thinking.....
Posted: 6/23/2010 6:09:35 AM
Aitche: I *AM* now a single, depressed heap. And it's years of being rejected by girls both online and off that has caused me to feel like this. No-one is really given a chance these days.
 kingston_toon
Joined: 4/17/2009
Msg: 6 (view)
 
So, i've been thinking.....
Posted: 6/22/2010 2:35:15 PM
I think there are a fair few fakes on here, yes, but the vast majority of women probably just think they can do better than you (even if they'll find out in 10 years that they can't). I don't mean that disrespectfully to you, as exactly the same thing applies to me. But spending time writing nice messages only to get ignored is just demoralising, which is why I don't bother doing anything else but "window shop" now.

It's not just here, though, it's everywhere. If I look at a girl in the street or on the Tube, 9 times out of 10 I can see a grimace flicker across her face before she goes back to being stone cold. However, if I was in any way "hot" or good looking, they'd be beaming back at me within a second.

These days, sadly, everything is about looks. If she can't picture her friends looking on jealously with her on your arm, then she isn't interested, even if you are completely compatible in every other way.

Just bide your time, and when you hit 40, standards will lower and someone will date you. Hmmm, depressing thought.
 kingston_toon
Joined: 4/17/2009
Msg: 17 (view)
 
I don't like to kiss...is this normal?
Posted: 6/20/2010 8:06:50 AM
I love kissing, and if a girl said that she wanted us to date, but with no kissing, then it would be "thanks but no thanks" from me. Kissing the one you love is one of the best things about being in a relationship.
 kingston_toon
Joined: 4/17/2009
Msg: 180 (view)
 
How many of you guys actually find dates off POF?
Posted: 6/4/2010 5:42:07 AM
jco415 said: No matter what site or real life situation you put yourself into...it's going to be the same or similar....the variable is YOU!

Don't agree with this. I have the same pics and profile on this site as I do on another (paid) very London-specific site where the selling point is to meet up quickly for lunch or drinks, rather than emailing for months. Here, I get zero first contact emails and about a 1% response rate to messages sent. There, I get a couple of first contacts a week, and about a 25% response rate to messages sent. I go on 1-2 dates a week from that site. None from here.
 kingston_toon
Joined: 4/17/2009
Msg: 71 (view)
 
What ever happened to DATING different people, and perhaps later going steady?
Posted: 6/3/2010 6:36:08 AM
As I have said before, if you meet someone, sit down, have a coffee and a chat etc, then that is a DATE. Anything longer than a 2 minute look at each other and a hello / goodbye is a date.

I accept though that this concept is very British, which is probably why all the commitment-phobic people squealing about it only being a "meet" are American.
 kingston_toon
Joined: 4/17/2009
Msg: 174 (view)
 
How many of you guys actually find dates off POF?
Posted: 6/3/2010 6:19:22 AM
I agree 100% with what someone else said. POF is the paddling pool for the kids (mentally) and timewasters, while the adults are all on other (paid) sites using the quality Olympic-sized swimming pool.
 kingston_toon
Joined: 4/17/2009
Msg: 33 (view)
 
What ever happened to DATING different people, and perhaps later going steady?
Posted: 5/19/2010 6:15:08 AM
If you meet someone from here, for anything longer than a 30 second hello, it's a date.

If you meet them a second time, you are dating them.

What I don't get is why some people (especially Americans / Canadians) seem to be terrified of the concept of seeing just one other person and getting to know them, without feeling the need to be dating other people. I split up with an American girl who, after 4 dates, said how much she liked me, but urged us both to still see other people "if the situation arose" because to her, dating just one person instantly meant "serious relationship". She was freaked out when I said I had cancelled a potential date with someone else to concentrate on getting to know her. This, to me, didn't mean we were suddenly engaged to be married, it's simple respect and giving a possible relationship the best chance to flourish. To her, it meant we were "exclusive" and "together".

There's no rush. Dating should be about quality, not quantity. So what does it matter if you get to know someone over three or four dates and it doesn't work out? You start again. Having a few "backups" just smacks of you waiting for something better to come along.
 kingston_toon
Joined: 4/17/2009
Msg: 16 (view)
 
Should you mention if your shy?
Posted: 5/19/2010 5:56:22 AM
"Sorry you gotta do the work like the rest of us."

Haha, don't make me laugh. How often do women on here "do the work"? They don't, because they don't have to.

Level playing field it ain't.
 kingston_toon
Joined: 4/17/2009
Msg: 19 (view)
 
Taking talk outside POF - what next?
Posted: 5/18/2010 3:01:43 PM
I like to meet the same day after work, or failing that within a few days. No-one is so busy that they can't meet for two or three weeks!
 kingston_toon
Joined: 4/17/2009
Msg: 19 (view)
 
Women expect nicely written mails, but do they actually send them?
Posted: 5/14/2010 5:42:07 PM
Oh yes, that's happened to me. Nice email to her, nice reply back, nice email in return from me, then a block! What the f*ck? Then there's the occasional first contact email from women consisting of somewhere between 1 and 5 words. Most of the time, it's not worth replying, but if I do, nothing back.

It's true... lots of men on here, not many women, so the latter can afford to act like complete b*tches because they know they can have pretty much anyone they want. And that's just the below-average ones...
 kingston_toon
Joined: 4/17/2009
Msg: 3 (view)
 
Blackpool......the armpit of the UK?
Posted: 5/10/2010 3:45:15 PM
Blackpool is brilliant... used to go there as a kid in the 80s and 90s, and now still try to go back once a year. It's still tacky, yes, but the council is working hard to tidy up and rebuild the seafront area, the tramway has been relaid and the Pleasure Beach has been smartened up (still great rollercoasters too). Yes, the bars and clubs are crap, but they are crap in a quaint and cheesy way!

Blackpool rocks!
 kingston_toon
Joined: 4/17/2009
Msg: 4 (view)
 
Rip off dating sites?
Posted: 5/6/2010 2:04:08 PM
I did use a paid site in the past that displayed "fishy" behaviour like you suggest.

But I think most are legit... basically if you get a fair few messages when you ARE a member, then you'll probably get a fair few when you are not.
 kingston_toon
Joined: 4/17/2009
Msg: 18 (view)
 
How many of you guys actually find dates off POF?
Posted: 5/5/2010 1:18:34 PM
I've been on 2-3 dates a week for the last month or so. But none have been from this site.

I have exactly the same pics and profile on POF as I do on another (pay) dating site. I also send roughly the same number of first contact messages on each, and they are all of a similar style (i.e. not a one-liner, but not an essay).

Here... I'm lucky to get 1 response in 50. There, I'm on something like 1 in 3.

There are so many guys on here that I suspect the same 5% of men are getting loads of dates with the same 80% of women. On POF, looks are the only thing that matters.

Try another site. Yes, you have to pay, but the quality of potential partner is so so much better!
 kingston_toon
Joined: 4/17/2009
Msg: 6 (view)
 
Dating a chameleon..
Posted: 5/2/2010 4:32:30 PM
Urban_Candy... it's the same for women, moreso even in my opinion. How many times have us guys seen a nice set of pics, alongside a nice profile, but with nothing visible below the neck in any photo. And she has "average" down as her size. Then she shows up and she's a size 40. Come on girls, be honest!
 kingston_toon
Joined: 4/17/2009
Msg: 16 (view)
 
What are some signs of a potential stalker?
Posted: 4/30/2010 6:06:10 PM
Last poster, you have hit the nail on the head.

To most women, a guy becomes creepy or a stalker if they are not attracted to him. Women love attention, but only if they actually fancy the guy. If he is good looking, he can say or do absolutely anything and they will spend all night waxing lyrical about him to their friends. If he isn't very good looking, or she doesn't fancy him, then he is instantly in the "stalker" category, and those women who use the internet will quickly log on and start referring to "red flags" in every second sentence.

Seriously, half of you on here are so bitter and suspicious I'm surprised you get any dates at all.

I've been on LOADS of dates from here, and yes, sometimes a girl becomes a bit too full on too quickly. Just don't give away too much info too soon, and then if you don't feel comfortable, just don't see them again. Simple. They can't find you. And if this person really makes the effort to track you down, well, meh, they could probably have done it had they met you at work, on the Tube or in a coffee shop.
 kingston_toon
Joined: 4/17/2009
Msg: 5 (view)
 
It seems she is interested
Posted: 4/30/2010 5:47:18 PM
Oh yes I agree... I have recently met a couple of girls I liked, and would like to see again. In both cases, they "claimed" they could not see me for two weeks or more, one becuase she was broke and it was two weeks to pay day (fine, let's do free stuff then, or let me buy you a drink) and one because her diary was suddenly full of nights out with her friends. Yeah, ok.

If you like someone, you make time to see them. End of story.
 kingston_toon
Joined: 4/17/2009
Msg: 33 (view)
 
What kind of things do you miss being done for/to you by a SO?
Posted: 4/30/2010 5:41:48 PM
Humans are not meant to be single. There's something wrong with those of us who are long term. We need a partner. We want a partner. Because doing ANYTHING with someone you love is so so so much better than doing the same thing alone.
 kingston_toon
Joined: 4/17/2009
Msg: 6 (view)
 
The word dating
Posted: 4/29/2010 6:23:56 AM
Rubbish. A first meet is a date, end of story.

Unless you meet up, shake hands, say hello, then both leave. That would just be a meet. But if you talk about anything, have a beer, start to get to know each other, then you are on a date.

I really don't understand these people who seem terrified of calling a date a date.
 
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